Just For Fun / TV Tropes Additional Evil Overlord Vows Cellblock V

Visit the main dungeon here.

2101. Never mess with a blind swordsman. Especially if he looks like Shintaro Katsu or Rutger Hauer as that doesn't go over too well.
2102. On a related note, if I encounter a knight in black armor who has a hawk, and looks like Rutger Hauer — avoid him. Also, kill any and all big, black wolves I see, especially lone ones.
2103. In fact, avoid anyone who looks like Rutger Hauer — better safe than sorry.
2104. If I possess a valuable or dangerous object that the heroes will no doubt want to steal, I will not put it on display in a museum, no matter how high the security is.
2105. Similarly, I will make sure that the museum contains a fake copy of the said item, and keep multiple copies on my person in case I am cornered. The real item will be left in a fingerprint recognition safe in the highest security area of my fortress.
2106. I will make sure that all my genetically engineered mutant monsters can not be defeated by something as simple as being shot in the eye.
2107. Alternatively, I will make the only thing that can defeat them be a weapon of mass destruction that kills everything in a 10-kilometre radius, then send the monster into a heavily populated area.
2108. Never insult a hero's animal companion - more than one villain has been kicked by a simple mule.
2109. Yes, Joker, there is fun in simply shooting my archenemy.
2110. That being said, never say that to his face. No telling what he'll do.
2111. If I'm having an affair, don't make my secret lover my Emergency Contact where the hospital is concerned. After all, the spouse might find out.
2112. A good way to abuse I Gave My Word: I will set the hero free, yes. But only after I kill them, and set their corpse into the wild, thus rendering them free.
2113. I will read The Art of War.
2114. If my opponent has the high ground and tells me it's over- I will listen to him.
2115. Alternatively, see if I can hit them someplace vulnerable — like the groin, and the arteries and veins in his legs.
2116. In the event that I'm sterile, I'll adopt an orphan, or one of my younger loyal followers, to be my heir. I will NOT leave some robot in control. They tend to have issues.
2117. Addendum to vow #2113: I will also read von Clausewitz's ''On War'', memorize The Thirty-Six Stratagems until I can recite them backwards, and if possible, attend West Point and Sandhurst Military Academy.
2118. That being said, if I do attend the above schools, I will not cheat, or at least get caught until graduation. Better safe than sorry.
2119. If I do get exposed just before or after graduation, then no need to fret. They can take away my diploma, but they can't take away what I learned.
2120. Finally, I will develop my own General Staff for running my evil armies.
2121. There's nothing wrong with having friends. Sometimes evil is more fun when one has a buddy to discuss ideas with.
2122. Make sure that my "friends" are not from the "Other Side", and I'm not talking about on the side of the Heroes, although that would be annoying too.
2123. Sometimes, just take a mental day, and not do any evil activities. Go fishing or something.
2124. But if The Hero intervenes and tries to fight me now that 'my guard is down' and they can't be deterred, then there's no shame forgoing the holiday to kill them or ordering that Kill Sat upon them, and then calmly going back to fishing.
2125. On a similar note, don't attack The Hero when they are on vacation.
2126. Likewise, if I, for whatever reason, know where The Hero lives, don't attack them on their day off, or do any evil near them.
2127. Make sure to have a reliable HR department. Also, make sure that their uniforms differ by just enough that, should someone steal some of my other mooks' uniforms, and falsely claim to be HR, said liars can be apprehended immediately. After all, undercover HR department members don't out themselves without a good reason.
2128. Respect the bonds between other people. Even though you may believe that nobody matters except you and your favorite child, You Killed My Father is a rather common motivation for heroes. Besides, being killed by vengeance-driven teenagers isn't a good look.
2129. If magic exists, I will teach resurrection to my most loyal and talented minions, while teaching myself flight. Falling off a cliff is a sadly common fate for Evil Overlords.
2130. As a follow-up, if the hero can also fly, I will try to sabotage that. Nothing worse than falling to your death while watching the protagonists kiss in mid-air.
2131. If I've been out of the game for a couple of decades, for whatever reason — prison, suspended animation, exile, actual death that resulted in reincarnation or reanimation, or anything else — and I decide to get back in the game and reenact that plan of mine that failed or was put on hold, I will do some serious research. For all I know, the place I want to break into no longer exists.
2132. Heroes supported by an army or a rebellion are just inviting me to do false flag attacks. Especially if they wear a uniform.
2133. In fact, if I ever have to carry out some exceptionally nasty act of violence on my subjects, my Legions of Terror will wear the hero's uniform. My subjects will prefer me — the evil overlord who only takes 75% of their agricultural products — over the "rebels" who take all their food and burn down their village.
2134. Psychopathic minions are especially well-suited for false flag operations.
2135. I will regularly recruit scum from my dungeon as a false flag battalion, telling them that they can earn their freedom that way. Then my elite Legions of Terror will swoop in and destroy them, earning me some good PR. (Psychopathic minions that become problematic can be assigned to lead this squad, assuming they don't know about this practice.)
2136. In relation to rule 1798, the false flag dungeon battalion makes for great target practice for my superpowered minions.
2137. I will make sure that false flag attacks target non-critical locations. "Rebels" burning down a starving village is good PR. "Rebels" destroying a power plant is just stupid.
2138. If it's possible in any way, I will always build my fortresses, camps or other important buildings in strategically practical places. The evil fortress inside a volcano or the earth's core looks cool, but I'd much rather have a base in a place that wouldn't give Sun Tzu a heart attack.
2139. Related to the above- I will never build the centre of my power underground. Underground bases are fine, but my throne room and personal quarters should be somewhere I can easily escape from if I'm attacked. This also applies to flying bases.
2140. If I am manipulating a villain who is more idealistic than me, I should not try to double-cross him at the first chance I get. That might spur him into retaliating against me when I am thinking that all cards are still in my deck, while he's already planning to dispose me off to safeguard his brand of idealism.
2141. If there is a feat largely considered to be impossible for humans or a certain group, I will prepare for heroes doing that.
2142. I and my Legions of Terror will learn sign language. Deaf-mute heroes are rare, but often Handicapped Badasses, deaf Mooks are often just as competent as Cannon Fodder that can hear,"secret messages" can be easily decoded, and I can swear in front of children.
2143. Show trials are good for my enemies, but if I must hold inter-organizational ones within my evil syndicate, then said trials will be done fairly.
2144. If I must work with the hero, I will make sure that they are reliant on my information. That way they cannot try to harm me when we inevitably part ways.
2145. Never ever replace the Hero's Love Interest with myself — that never works out, for one reason or another, or yet another.
2146. Never intentionally befriend the Hero — that complicates things too much.
2147. Any military that can turn a bunch of its members into musicians, singers, dancers, and instrumentalists is worth keeping an eye on, as they have numbers, money, and quite the training program.
2148. The Quirky Miniboss Squad has some sort of telepathic connection. If several members of my the squad talk about an absent member as "the weakest of us", I will presume that member was just defeated.
2149. If the weakest member of my Quirky Miniboss Squad was just defeated, under no circumstance will the second weakest member be dispatched or allowed to go alone and prove his superiority. The entire squad, with as much reinforcements as are available, will be send to deal with this threat.
2150. If I have a set goal in mind and I can easily achieve it through not using Kick the Dog or needless casualties which in hindsight further delays my plans out of my reach, I would tone down my attitude. It's not worth wasting years (or even centuries if I am Really 700 Years Old), if I could achieve it with months by being or even just acting kind.
2151. If I am some kind of demon, god, or Eldritch Abomination, I shall never take on the mindset of Humans Are Insects, lest I forget that some species of insects have one thing in common with humanity, which is the propensity to be quite dangerous when threatened.
2152. Moreover, I shall always bear in mind that, when faced with such a grave threat that humanity chooses to unite as one against a common foe, there is nothing they cannot accomplish or would be unwilling to do if they believe they can (and oftentimes do) defeat such a threat. In fact, I shall actually plan around this, so that I could appear as an ally of humanity, while simultaneously working behind the scenes to accomplish my real goals.
2153. If I'm a singer, in the event my friend, whom I've been "borrowing" stuff off of, "accidently" dies, I'll do the decent thing and inform his widow of his demise, so that she doesn't spend the rest of her life thinking that he ran off on her. It might prevent his great-grandson from learning the Truth and thus exposing me as a fraud.
2154. If I am dealing with a Reluctant Mad Scientist who has pissed me off earlier in order to construct anything heavily important for my organization, I will dispose him off and hire someone trustworthy for the job. Even discounting for hindsight, it's still a stupid idea to hire the Reluctant Mad Scientist who has every reason to sabotage me behind my back.
2155. If anyhow I must need the Reluctant Mad Scientist for my work, I must not give him supreme freedom on that project. Rather I should assign him to a superior loyal to me. If the scientist tries any sabotage, he won't have to face me for his 'reward'.
2156. If I ever want to start a religious group or cult of any kind, I will be careful not to preach any 'truths' that can be disproved with science or just normal common sense. It's fun to watch a bunch of people worship a holy teapot in the sky, but it's not worth the inevitable Heel–Face Turn when one of the cult members actually decides to look upwards.
2157. I will make sure every Villain-Beating Artifact that can be used against me is destroyed, rather than keeping it around me and risk The Hero laying their hands on it. Even better, I will turn said artifact against The Hero.
2158. Never criticize (or praise) a show I didn't watch. I just might be surprised at how good (or how bad) it actually is.
2159. In regards to cults and the like, it's surprising at how dumb folks can be. I actually feel sorry for that Gadget mouse-girl - she and her buddies made a show about the dangers of cults, and yet there's a cult that worships her, and I'm not talking about adult fan-boys that just like her figure.
2160. While mind-controlling one's minions to be absolutely loyal is a useful tactic, I will make sure not to treat said minions so poorly that the mind-control is the only reason they don't turn on me. Especially not the elite minions. If I do, the hero is sure to find a way to break the control at the worst possible moment, and then my army will be the hero's army.
2161. If I want someone dead, don't bring in The Expert - they tend to get killed, by the target, sometimes by accident, or in an anti-dramatic manner! Probably be better off using a Rookie - surprisingly, they tend to get results, that or their deaths are amusing!
2162. I shall never implement an "All Crime is Legal" policy, in any shape or form. Such policies have a tendency to backfire, especially by those who use them as a form of loophole abuse to oust me, to say nothing about the psychopaths that show up in such worlds. I'm better off having licensed Thieves Guilds and Assassins Guilds, as those can be regulated, and taxed.
2163. In the event that I and a minion parted ways on good terms, should I encounter folks whose family name is the same as said minion, I'll leave them be, on the off chance that they are related to said minion. I don't need to accidently piss one of them off, as either they'll become the Hero, or aid the Hero.
2164. When executing my enemies, I will not make a big production out of it. If they somehow escape, they will become a rallying symbol for the resistance. If they don't, they become martyrs. Better to eliminate them discretely so all anyone who thinks about them recalls is "some idiot who challenged the overlord and lost".
2165. In the event that I have different groups of minions, I'll see to it that they don't come to blows with each other. Nothing is more annoying than seeing my minions kill each other, all while the Hero sits back and eats popcorn, or whatever the equivalent is.
2166. Or otherwise I will keep a secret camera and record the Hero enjoying the fight, and then release the recording. It will make them out as a cold-blooded psychopath who likes to watch people kill each other, and damage them and their reputation further than any troop of minions ever could.
2167. I will never create outrageous titles for myself. I am not Idi Amin.
2168. Neither will I ask my underlings to create said outrageous titles. We are not North Korea.
2169. If my underlings create a reasonably grandiose title however, I will graciously accept and give everyone a raise.
2170. If I am a god sustained by prayers and belief of my underlings, I will use my divine powers to create more underlings conditioned to always believe in me, then lock them away somewhere the hero won't find them. I will also create a few shrines in remote areas where they cannot be found or destroyed, just in case.
2171. I will not choose to have my evil lair in an active volcano unless I am damned sure I need the geothermal energy (see: No. 2138).
2172. I will do my best to kill my enemies in either a very discrete assassination or a very fast Curb-stomp, any way that prevents my enemy from becoming a martyr. We really don't want a Kelsier on our hands.
2173. I will avoid long wars. They're a constant drain on my resources and while the lower class can live in the slums and die for all I care, it's best to feed them enough that the revolution doesn't form.
2174. My propaganda will not show pictures advertising the idea of 'seeing the world'. Many people are very happy right where they are. Instead, I'll subtly pay famed authors to write books and tell stories about loyal soldiers going into the wild and serving in my military, while my propaganda posters will show the importance of farming and healing. The hotheaded youths will grow up on the stories, and the levelheaded youths will follow the posters.
2175. If I'm a child of a former evil overlord deemed too young to rule, under no circumstances will I allow a 'loyal' uncle to take care of the kingdom for me. Instead, I will place a council of advisors from a variety of different backgrounds in charge, with me as the final vote for any procedures. It'll stop attempts on my throne, as well as teach me more about politics.
2176. However, I'll make sure to keep enough power that I can immediately come to a choice on my own, should my council take too long to make a decision. Also, the moment I reach a suitable age with good experience ruling, I will immediately disband the council, instead putting the members back to their old offices- with a hefty promotion if they supported me, nothing if they were neutral and a quick execution if they were against me.
2177. If I am the overlord of a world created by Artificial Intelligence resemblant to a game, I must set the difficulty as 'Veteran' or 'Insane' all the time. The hero will die so many times that they will give up and not work to bring me down.
2178. Similarly if I am facing down the administrator of the said world and they have me dead to rights, I will never taunt them that I can log out and carry out my revenge against them. They will rather put me in a Fate Worse than Death. I will quietly let them kill me... after which I will carry out fulfilling my promise.
2179. Also when appearing as a noble leader, never, ever use brainwashing for recruitment. It's... hard to survive after someone (typically The Hero) inevitably breaks it and your loyal army turns against you overnight. If I do appear noble then I should have no trouble in recruitment.
2180. I or my organization must never harm children. You'd be surprised how many of your so-called 'loyal' Mooks will gladly turn against you if you cross that line.
2181. If the world I rule has the equivalent of an Obituary in the Newspaper equivalent, make sure to mention each and every single one of my mooks whom the Hero kills, and talk about the family members said mooks leave behind. Nothing breaks a hero faster than finding out that the person that they killed was someone's father, son, brother, mother, daughter, sister, or whatever. They might kill themselves in their guilt.
2182. I will make sure that if I need to murder hundreds of my own children for some greater purpose, I will first make sure that there is absolutely no better alternative. You'd be surprised at how angry your wife gets when that happens.
2183. If it turns out that one of my lieutenants has close ties to the hero or one of his companions, I will try to assign said lieutenant to duties where they are less likely to encounter the hero and/or his companions. It's hard to predict which way people will fall when faced with split loyalties, and if they fall the wrong way, things will inevitably turn out badly for me as a direct result.
2184. If my master plan is dependent on a subordinate figuratively eating a kitten at a critical moment, I will first test to make sure that they will obey orders and eat kittens on demand at some point prior to the critical moment. Having a minion decide that the current stage of the plan is a Moral Event Horizon and refusing to cooperate when you need them the most is a great way to have a perfectly good plan fizzle out.
2185. While trying to kill the hero by blowing up my base while I flee is all well and good, I should remember that even if I escape to scheme another day, my ability to scheme another day is dependent on access to money, minions, weapons, infrastructure and the like, and most of that was being stored in the base that I just blew up. So before installing self-destruct devices, I should make certain that I have seed resources cached in secondary locations so that I have the means to rebuild after losing my main base. I should also make an effort to take anything truly important at the base I am destroying with me before it blows.
2186. In fact, the moment that the Hero is in my throne room, having beaten everyone sent after him, give the secret signal to evacuate, delay the Hero for as long as I can, at which point, leave, and press a button that blows the place up in 50 seconds, instead of the usual minute most tend to use.
2187. If I am currently the Evil Chancellor seeking to usurp the rightful ruler to become an Evil Overlord, I will make a point of identifying which key officials are loyal to the current ruler as an individual rather than the crown as a concept or me before launching my coup. These people will then be eliminated or sidelined to positions where they can't do any damage should they turn against me as soon as possible.
2188. If I learn that someone is trying to bring some notable hero(es) out of retirement to investigate something related to my evil scheme, I will not try to resolve the matter through preemptive assassination. Notable heroes don't get to retirement by being easy to kill, and trying and failing is a surefire way to convince them that they need to handle one last case. Similarly, I will not cause trouble for their friends, families, ex-coworkers or any location they routinely visit. The best way to neutralize retired heroes is to leave them to enjoy their retirement until my scheme has progressed to the point where it's too late for them to stop me.
2189. In the event that I am a step-parent to the Crowned Prince, or Princess, I will in no way, shape, or form, stop them from trying to marry their love interest - unless that person's eviler than me! Otherwise it results in me being poisoned, stabbed, burned, falling off the edge of a cliff, getting eaten by hyenas, or any number of other Disney Villain Deaths - possibly multiple ones. Anyone who tries to stop their child from getting married, without a good reason, probably has Empty Nest Syndrome - thankfully, that's what telephones, or their fantasy or sci-fi counterparts are for.
2190. If any demon/vampire/other monster offers me greater power by committing Transhuman Treachery, I must refuse the said monster. It's often seen that that removing your humanity to gain greater power and immortality may actually shorten your lifespan to a ridiculous extreme, especially by your former 'allies' who won't be sad to cut you down.
2191. If a large proportion of my powers are due to an artifact that must be worn on my body at all times, there's no known way to permanently transfer its powers to me and there's no need to ever remove the artifact from my body, I will figure out a way to directly graft it onto or inside my body so that I can't be rendered powerless by the said artifact being stolen or destroyed.
2192. No matter how attractive they are, when an officer of the law is searching for a wanted criminal (possibly even myself), don't ask them for a date - they arrest such idiots for annoying them by calling it "Interfering in a Police Investigation." This holds double-true in Sci-Fi and Fantasy type settings.
2193. If for any reason I entrust my Minion and/or The Dragon with poisoning the hero at a dinner party and the hero is completely unaware of my intentions, I shall ensure all my potions and poisons are very clearly labeled beforehand.
2194. If my Minion still mistakes one of my shapeshifting potions for a poison and the hero accidentally gets turned into an animal, I’ll check with the local priests to see if they might accept some animal sacrifices to the gods and make an offering if so.
2195. If for any reason I entrust my Dragon/Minion with executing the hero (in they’re newly acquired animal form), and they somehow screw even that up and the hero gets unknowingly whisked away (by, say, like a cart or river) they’ll be reprimanded for their stupidity, but I won’t send someone else or pursue the hero myself. After all, the hero’s just an animal now, and if anyone’s foolish enough to believe a talking animal and walk them right back up to my doorstep, I could easily accuse the person of witchcraft and have them executed immediately and order the “animal” destroyed by the very guards who once served the hero. And of course, if anyone actually cared that the hero mysteriously died or disappeared, I could easily spin a tale of how the witch/sorcerer I just executed had sacrificed the hero to give birth to some dark god and/or demon intending on destroying the world, and by executing the witch/sorcerer and their animal I have heroically avenged the hero and saved the world.
2196. I will always remember that while Super Soldiers may be incredibly powerful in one-one-combat, they may not be the best for huge battlefields.
2197. If I have to vet Super Soldiers for huge battlefields, I must run huge simulations with multiple scenarios, and deploy tens of them.
2198. If one of my 'Black-Ops' or a less reputable but highly efficient employees demand a greater pay, I must pay them as they demand, lest they turn over to the heroes. Stiffing them on their due may seem badass, but will cost me far greater than anything if they turn against me.
2199. If I am trying to evade pursuit by the hero by faking my death, either intentionally or by exploiting a genuine No One Could Survive That! accident that I actually did, I will remember that the first rule of successfully Faking the Dead is keeping the number of people who know that I am still alive to an absolute minimum. First on the list of people who should not be told of my survival is anyone I know who is a mutual acquaintance of the hero, as they can easily spill the beans of my survival, defeating the whole point of pretending to be dead.
2200. Before sending people out to kill a heroic investigator, I should first figure out if he's actually onto me or my operation, or just snooping around the area on general principle. If it's the latter, trying to kill him will just let him know for a fact that there is something of interest in the area and make him dig deeper. Better to just let him wander around in circles for a while until he decides to follow a different lead.