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  1. While guests, as well as important prisoners, might be protected under Sacred Hospitality, intruders are not. After all, I can always come up with the "I was defending my home" argument if the intruders turn out to be heroes.
  2. I will never wax philosophical to the hero. It tends to piss them off.
  3. But, if I do so, I intend to research everything about the hero. Hey, there is a very good chance our parents' first names might be the same!
  4. If, despite my best efforts, I discover my evil plan has been foiled, I will not attempt revenge by attacking the heroes. Instead, I will slink away and quietly retire in the Maldives.
  5. An exception can be made to the previous rule if I managed to off most of the heroes.
  6. I won’t turn people into spiders. It never works.
  7. I will pretend to be the helpless good side, and when the heroes turn their backs, I will murder them.
  8. But if I am for some reason Obviously Evil, I will not do that. It probably won’t work, though in certain settings I might be able to get away with it.
  9. After my plans have succeeded, if I decide to retire to an idyllic planet or city, I will make sure to use everything in my remaining arsenal to make sure those hunting me down are fried to the point of no return before they even set eyes on my planet/city properly.
  10. If, by any case, I am raising Tykebombs to kill The Hero, I will make sure the kids are skilled in surviving in nature, excelling in every scene we throw at them, and have healthy relationships with me and my mooks. They would be raised to have empathy for their team members and fellow innocents, and provided with everything they ever need. Those caught misbehaving or abusing the kids in any manner will be made an example of.
  11. If I suspect my Dragon has betrayed me for The Hero, I will try to prove the deception covertly first. I wouldn't lash out at them and threaten harsh repercussions before the deception is proven. Else my Dragon will actually betray me for The Hero, if they haven't already.
  12. If I find out my spouse has been cheating on me, I will first try to find out how long and how many times they have done so. If it was just once or twice done long ago, I will forgive them. If more than that, or been extremely recently, and especially if they have been passing information to them during the affair, I will have to arrange an unfortunate accident for my unfaithful spouse.
  13. As an addendum to the above, if there's a kid of the unfaithful spouse from an affair, I will not harm him/her AT ALL. Children are innocent of their parents' sins, and I will be better off remembering it.
  14. I will generally refrain from having people who defect to me Rewarded as a Traitor Deserves. It’s not good practice. If I really can’t trust them, I’ll just have them closely monitored by a skilled assassin.
  15. I won't keep the details of ANY plan on an external hard drive, encrypted or not, those have an annoying tendency of getting broken into. I would instead keep them in my solid state drive, where the hacker will least expect it to be. I might also take a cue from the 14 year old horny kids, and hide them in my Study folder, or something. In order to throw them off, I will keep real stuff inside, to throw off the hacker's suspicion.
  16. I will remember that the Evil Overlord List is a list of general rules, that occasionally may need to be broken.
  17. I will not act as if Talking Is a Free Action unless there is a natural law of some kind that enforces it.
  18. Regarding traitors: I will not make their executions public, nor will I hold show trials. If I find they are guilty, then they are to die on the spot.
  19. I will make sure my evil realm is an internationally-recognized state, and if the heroes dare attack, my lawyers and diplomats will meet them at the next diplomatic conference.
  20. In addition, I will try to keep my evil plans as subtle as possible to avoid the ire of the international community.
  21. Furthermore, all my lieutenants, Dragons, Mooks, and subjects have diplomatic immunity as citizens of my realm.
  22. My flagship will NOT be a super-sized version of my battlefleet's standard warship, I will simply use an example of said standard ship instead, with the necessary communications upgrades to better direct the fleet. This will also make the use of decoy flagships much easier.
  23. As an alternative my flagship will be disguised as a civilian ship, preferably a civilian liner or a hospital ship. If my enemies choose to attack regardless, then my ship will have copious amounts of hidden firepower ready when they get too close.
  24. My Ace Custom fighter with all the extra speed, armor, and firepower upgrades will become the standard for my air force, pending sufficient testing. If it’s too expensive to mass-produce, I’ll look into cheaper alternatives in the same vein.
  25. I will send sleeper agents to where the hero came from as well as all countries, planets, worlds, realms, lands, etc. and plant several easily concealable doomsday weapons that will activate upon my death. I can always deactivate them later if I want to, and the threat of an apocalyptic event deters assassins.
  26. If the hero does have significant others, I will make sure that the price of defeating me will include the hero's relationships with them.
  27. My lieutenants and Mooks will all have unique backup plans assigned to themselves following my defeat. These plans will only be known to me and the individual subordinate, and if they divulge it to the heroes, I still have another one up my sleeve.
  28. If I am a non-human: humanity can turn good, bad, or insane, so it is essential to know which way they will lean to in any situation. If they lean to the latter two, I will use those factors to the fullest extent.
  29. I will hire the best accountant possible to balance my budget. There’s nothing more embarrassing than spending all your money on evil devices, then not being able to use them because you didn’t have enough money left to pay your electricity bill.
  30. If I am in a story which runs on The Power of Friendship and The Power of Love, I won't threaten to kill the hero's friends and loved ones repeatedly, I will actually see through the deed and kill the hero's friends and loved ones. It's Kick the Dog, absolutely, but I am better off doing that than triggering the hero's powerup generated by their friends and loved ones cheering for them and turning a almost-won situation to a crippling defeat.
  31. Of course, I will at all times keep at least one of the hero's loved ones alive. If there's anything more dangerous than The Power of Friendship or The Power of Love, it's a man with nothing to lose. And I will make it extremely clear to him what happens if he still plans to defy me.
  32. If I know who the hero is, be it through a prophecy, a past connection, their reputation, or if they or their family has opposed me in the past, I will send one of my most powerful minions to dispose of them first, not one of my weaker ones.
  33. If I regularly have to take out hero wannabes and have no way of knowing who the real hero is until they've already severely messed up my plans, I will treat each wannabe as if they could be the hero.
  34. If my Monster of the Week ends up beating the heroes to within an inch of their lives and still fails because of Plot Armor and/or Deus ex Machina, then I will not send a brand new monster the next week with a new weakness to be exploited. I will send an even better version of that same monster, with the deficiency from last time corrected.
  35. That being said, I will try to see if it possible to send the said monsters on a daily basis.
  36. I will explore the tactical possibility of sending my mooks to harass the heroes in order to interrupt their attacks and strategies. As Sun Tzu said, "If your enemy is superior, evade him. If angry, irritate him." This should work if I am the boss in a boss fight, since they'll be too angry dealing with my mooks to fight me.
  37. In a world of Grey-and-Gray Morality, the lines between Hero and Villain tend to blur. Keep that in mind, especially in a Crapsack World.
  38. If I am the villain of a children's show where use of lethal weapons is not common, I will weigh the pros and cons of arming my minions with guns. Pro: I could have a shot at killing the heroes. Con: If I fail, it will likely instantly qualify as a Moral Event Horizon and I could end up dying as a result.
  39. If the heroes try pulling a Gondor Calls for Aid, I will see if I can interrupt the chain of messages or send false messages that will work to my advantage. Unless of course they're using the US Postal Service, in which case I better not bother at all.
  40. However, if it's me who will need to call for aid, then I will use the US Postal Service instead.
  41. If I have more than one hero captured, and know for a fact that any loved ones who might try and rescue them do not have the power to do so (and don't have the means of obtaining said power - at least, until after I've killed the heroes I've captured), I will execute the heroes quickly and all at once. Executing them slowly and/or one at a time is just asking for some outside force to intervene and give them a chance to escape.
  42. As an addon to the previous rule: if I have to execute them one at a time, I will go in order of importance to whatever resistance faction is opposing me - starting with the highest ranking official, ending with anyone my forces randomly captured. That Imperial Captain should serve as a source of mockery, not inspiration.
  43. If I am in a series episode that has a Multi-Part Episode, I will crush the heroes as they recoil in terror at my near-victory just before the "TO BE CONTINUED" card shows up. The next episode will see me consolidating my victory.
  44. Of course, if the fourth wall is solid, I won’t be able to tell if I’m in a multi-part episode. I’ll just make it a general rule to try to end fights as quickly as possible. But I’ll train to be able to fight for extended periods of time, just in case.
  45. Unless, if I am a villain/antagonist in a famous series which also uses the "TO BE CONTINUED" card, which uses the sun's energy (or fighting spirits), I will not gloat during the Cliffhanger about how the heroes were foolish, I will use the moment the next episode begins to use my own fighting spirit to crush them (or their spirit) beyond recognition before they begin to outsmart me. Not doing that could result in me being in a hospital for a very long time or being dead, and of course, in the worst case scenario, I will regret it till my last consciousness about my survival.
  46. As another example from the above source, if I am to fight against any person whose name can be shortened to Jo and Jo, I will quietly beg their forgiveness, offer any help to undo any damage done to them, and flee the very country if I can.
  47. If I am of a race with an issue to bright lights, wear sunglasses.
  48. If it happens to be my skin rather than (or as well as) my eyes that is photosensitive, I will wear a cloak.
  49. If it is sunlight that causes me problem, I will also investigate the option of using clear, water resistant sunblock as a backup if feasible.
  50. As a corollary to Rule 1836, raiding an enemy's logistics is always sound advice if the appropriate forces are available. I will use this tactic whenever and wherever it is appropriate. Specific valuable targets can be deliberately hit or disguised as part of a larger operation. After all, an army marches on its stomach.
  51. If there is some reason dungeons have to be completed in a particular order other than increasing difficulty, I will put my strongest troops and/or monsters in the first dungeon I control.
  52. If not, I will keep my dungeons at mostly the same level of difficulty to clear, with a margin of error allowed for environmental and economic factors.
  53. Unless I'm in the middle of a LONG bridge, I will not attempt to outrun a train or any other vehicle - I'll simply step off the tracks or road.
  54. There is nothing wrong with repeating past Vows, as sometimes repetition is needed to get the idea to sink in.
  55. I will make it a point to prove that Shoot the Messenger will not be tolerated, on both my and the heroes' end. If my enemies do end up enforcing said trope on my messengers, I will present that as causus belli for my revenge.
  56. Regardless of if it has been stated before or not, I shall see to it that my magic users, at the very least, know how to protect themselves in the event that they are unable to utilize magic, for any reason. Whether this means learning how to use a mundane weapon, or their hands, or some random object that's nearby, to inflict damage upon the enemy, any and all can be used.
  57. As a corollary to Rule 1855, I will mandate etiquette training for my messengers so they don’t end up insulting their hosts. Unless, of course, I want an excuse to declare war on said hosts.
  58. If a loose-cannon Anti-Hero comes into town and offers their services against my rival, I will NOT hire them, since that carries the risk of me being destroyed from within.
  59. As a sort of counter-strategy against The Magnificent Seven Samurai, I will make my own villainous version, in which we will help whoever needs our services against roving bands of heroic samurai, cowboys, and the like.
  60. Of course, since they do not fight for villagers and lack the moral fiber to do what's right for the sake of righteousness, I will ensure they are paid well in gold and or coin.
  61. Finally, I will not stop at seven, I will hire more soldiers and allies as needed.
  62. There is nothing wrong with performing a Power Walk with my Dragons and/or Quirky Mini Boss Squad just before an ass-kicking; it's an excellent psychological warfare tactic, as well as the potential of it building up camaraderie and esprit-de-corps.
  63. Also, it should be noted that my Mooks must be trained to do this as well with the King Mook if needed.
  64. There is no harm in having a first name basis with me and my henchmen of all stripes and colors. It allows them to trust me further and vice-versa.
  65. There is also no harm in allowing my henchmen to speak their minds and give opinions on my evil plans. Again, it builds up trust while giving me a multitude of opinions to work on; and it allows me to help alleviate their worries.
  66. Of course, if they're trying to betray me then I can always turn that goodwill against them.
  67. If in one of those moments, where I was feeling petty, and I caused a minor disturbance at some store because I berated someone who wore clothes that looked like those of the place's employees, I will at least try to maintain the intelligence to NOT hit any of the security guards, or police, that get called to the scene. It's one thing to be a jerk, and maybe banned from the store, but at least it wouldn't get me arrested, like assaulting someone, especially a police officer, would — that's what's called Justice by Other Legal Means.
  68. I will make it a point that Honor Before Reason WILL NOT be tolerated. If one of my charming Dragons let the heroes live because they A) found kinship with them; B) found them a Worthy Opponent, or C) they became The Rival, or any similar reason, I will shoot them on the spot.
  69. I will never pit The Rival against the hero. If there's one thing rivals do not tolerate, it's being used and letting someone else stand in their way.
  70. Likewise, I will never pit the Anti-Hero against the heroes. One, there's the chance they might join with the hero, and two, they also hate being used.
  71. If I get a warning from the future that a major threat will arise from the future, I will not stand by and wait for it to give me a good fight. That threat will be eradicated at once, no questions asked.
  72. But, of course, I have to verify if my meddling will cause the above mentioned threat in the first place. If so, I will think twice before attempting to eradicate the threat.
  73. The room where folks meet me shall have a table that has plates of small bite-sized pieces of meat, bread, and cheese, as well as sliced fruits and vegetables, and easy access to non-alcoholic drinks, plus a number of chairs. Not only will this make guests waiting for me feel more comfortable, but if a messenger who has traveled a great distance in a hurry, should arrive out of breath and exhausted, it will be that much easier for them to regain their energy to talk to me, if they get something to eat and drink, as well as rest their feet.
  74. If I have a multitude of elite soldiers that can individually present a challenge to the heroes in a Villain of the Week style, I will have them practice fighting as a team. Then I will deploy them as a team.
  75. When my mooks are sent to search the heroes' home or any other place for incriminating evidence, I will train them to leave no trace. A messy home is an excuse for an even messier brawl.
  76. Also if I must send a mook to assassinate someone will have to remain hidden, I will make sure that they will NOT go screaming with a melee weapon the moment their target comes close. The kill will be silent, or at least quick.
  77. If I hire an assassin to kill my enemies with a known track record of NOT betraying their clients, I will not get paranoid and have them killed with the excuse of "loose ends get hit". They are professionals, and I have every reason to trust them accordingly.
  78. I will show clips of the improper execution of the Vows on this and all associated lists to my evil army as training of what and what not to do when fighting the heroes.
  79. I will NOT inconveniently schedule my evil meetings and henchmen training seminars. That leads to bad morale, and if I force my army to come all the same, that's one more grievance against me.
  80. If the fourth wall is breakable, I will NOT mess with the meta-fictional figure who created me. There's no telling if they have a godly eraser or other sort of implement to take me out of existence.
  81. I will allow my henchmen to form a union, but remember to make sure they don't get too much power.
  82. As a corollary to Vow #1819, if forming a country is not viable, I will try to make some sort of legal entity that can sue or otherwise force the heroes into court if the opportunity arises.
  83. I will make sure to have a good photo-editing department. It may prove useful to doctor images and/or video that could prove to be my benefit.
  84. Actually, it could also prove beneficial to create a good PR department. Being a Villain with Good Publicity never hurts, and it allows me to plaster the heroes with slander.
  85. If a mysterious rich stranger comes into my life and offers me their friendship, I will politely decline. There's no telling if they're doing this to screw me.
  86. If I am sent a message that seems false, I will make sure that I have measures to triple, quadruple, or even quintuple (if needed) check its veracity. It might sound too good to be true, or it could really be the truth if I am conditioned to believe in the former in most cases.
  87. If the hero and I are both among the handful of the remaining survivors of a space-faring species whose home planet was destroyed, and I possess the means to rebuild our home on a new planet by terraforming it, I will not even consider the planet that hero calls home as a potential candidate. The hero and the natives might just raise an issue with that, and themselves possess the means of stopping or destroying me. Moreover, within any given solar system there are several dozen planets and celestial objects that aren’t home to anything or anyone, so there’s no point in antagonizing the hero and the natives when I can just pick any one of the hundreds of other unoccupied celestial bodies to terraform. All without fear of resistance.
  88. If there isn't a clear hero(ine) opposing me yet, but I come across a hero who is opposing another villain, but could make me his/her next target after (s)he finishes off that villain, I will at the very least, make sure the hero is unharrassed by my forces, if not outright aided by them. I will also make it look like they don't need to interfere by implying another hero is on their way - maybe suggest they would get along terribly - or put my villainous activities on hold while they're in the area.
  89. If I end up having heirs, and for some reason, I decide I want good kids, rather than raising them while continuing to be evil but hiding my acts, I will put all of my villainous activities on hold and be up front with them, but claim I've put that part behind me.
  90. Should the hero who is opposing me be the reincarnation of someone I was friends with in a past life of theirs, and needs to meet the criteria of some prophecy to defeat me, I will ensure that there is at least one step of said prophecy that they cannot complete - i.e., make it so one of the houses they need to join won't accept them as a member, make sure they don't catch the disease that makes them The Ageless, etc.
  91. If I somehow fail to stop them from meeting the prophecy, I will instead welcome them with open arms and claim I will serve them once again. I will then look for an opportunity to become The Starscream.
  92. Do not commit obvious evil things during a National Crisis. Instead, use it to my advantage to make myself look good.
  93. In the event that my henchmen wear uniforms that clearly list me, or my organization, I shall see to it that they are on their best behavior while in Public, especially while in a restaurant.
  94. I will always have an option to educate my less-intelligent henchmen, unless their general lack of intelligence is actually to my advantage.
  95. My henchman (or woman) pointing out a less-obvious flaw in my plans, weapons or designs won't be shot, instead they will be earmarked for a promotion, or a generous monetary reward. Encouraging this will allow my henchmen to properly verify their equipment as well as any other flaws, and I will make sure the reward is applicable if and only if they report to me directly.
  96. If I uncover a Mission: Impossible-style infiltration ranks into my ranks, I will explore the possibilities of exposing them early on. On one hand, I can throw a pretty big wrench in their plans; on the other hand, they might improvise a means of escape. In any case, I must act decisively - time wasted dithering means they're all the more closer to reaching their goal.
  97. I will try to develop means of being able to turn off certain senses and physical abilities of mine at will. For example, if I can turn off my hearing at command, then I won't be able to listen to a boring heroic speech.
  98. Of course, sufficient training will have to be put in place to ensure this "kill switch" ability doesn't get used on me by saboteurs.
  99. Burying my enemies alive is NEVER a good option; there's always a chance, no matter how small, that they'll escape. A simple bullet to the head or sword to the neck is always more reliable.
  100. If I have to send my henchmen to bring proof of my enemies' demise, I will always insist that they bring the head of said enemy. Granted, it's barbaric, but it's usually the sure-fire method of proving their death. Any other body part lost is more survivable, anyhow. Even then, I must have the head tested for identification.
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