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Columbus
  • Columbus trying to ride off on a motorcycle to save Little Rock and Wichita like a heroic badass... and failing.

  • "I'm in Garland, Texas. And it may look like zombies destroyed it, but that's actually just Garland."

  • Columbus revealing his greatest fear while sitting on a toilet when a Monster Clown bursts out from under the door (fortunately, it's only his imagination).

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  • After the girls run off again:
    Columbus: [to Tallahassee] You're like a giant cock-blocking robot built in a secret fucking government lab.

  • When Columbus finally overcomes his coulrophobia by smashing in the face of a zombie clown with a sledgehammer, the impact of the blow causes a comical clown nose *Honk*.

  • This part of the 406 sequence:
    Columbus: [holding a blender as a weapon] Now listen, 406, I don't want to hurt you but—
    [Blender falls apart]
    Columbus: ...Shit.
    • The poor weapon choices continue later in that scene as Columbus attempts to bash 406 over the head with a bag of cotton balls, followed by a roll of toilet paper.
    • The finale of this scene is just pure Black Comedy. Columbus smacks 406 across the face with the toilet tank lid, an audible crack where he's broken her neck, and the shot freezes as Rule #2 "Double Tap" appears on screen.

  • "Somebody's ear is in danger of having hair brushed over it!"

  • Columbus chucking the whiskey out the car window is done so perfectly, it's probably the best example of quickly-disposing-of-stuff-whilst-other-person-ain't-looking on film.

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  • When Columbus and Little Rock are watching Ghostbusters in Bill Murray's mansion, Columbus asks her what her older sister's type is. When Little Rock responds that she goes for "bad boys," his only response is to push the bowl of popcorn they were sharing off of the seat and onto the floor, just to spite her. His sarcastic "Whoops" just sells it.

  • Columbus' final standoff with a zombie clown. The scenario is hilarious enough, but what he says before we see the clown is what sells it.
    Columbus: Oh my God, look at this fucking clown.

  • Columbus comparing Tallahassee to Yosemite Sam when creating Rule #32.

  • When the group is giving Bill Murray a 21 gun salute, Columbus, who’s using a double barreled shotgun, has to reload in the middle of it. Everyone else looks pissed at him when he starts sputtering out that he needs to reload and fumbles with the gun. Immediately after they dispose of the body afterwards, he offers everyone Purell as well.
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Tallahassee

  • Tallahassee raging about the Hostess truck being filled with nothing but Snowballs.
    • Making it worse for the poor man (and funnier for us) is that there are Twinkies in the truck; observant viewers can see that there are unopened Twinkies on the right side of the screen, just to Tallahassee's left, when the camera's point of view is inside the storage compartment.

  • While waiting for Columbus outside the bathroom, Tallahassee decides to practice his knife-fighting, waving it around wildly and making hilarious little grunts. Even funnier, according to the commentary this was just Woody Harrelson goofing around.

  • "Thank God for rednecks!" After finding a very hillbilly house with an H3 Hummer. With a case of weapons in the back.

  • After Little Rock takes them hostage a second time, Tallahassee initially plays it cool, but when Little Rock fires off a warning shot, he shrieks "Don't kill me with my own gun!"
    Little Rock: All those violent video games.

  • When they're raiding Bill Murray's kitchen.
    Little Rock: No Twinkies.
    Tallahassee: Shit-fuck!

  • Tallahassee gushing over Bill Murray.
    Tallahasse: GODDAMN IT, BILL FUCKIN' MURRAY!!!
    Tallahassee: I've been watching your movies since I was...old enough to masturbate! Not that those two things are connected.
    • What else is funny is that Bill Murray starts to get a look that screams "Oh, here we go again."

  • Tallahassee's awkward goodbye with Columbus.
    Tallahassee: I've never been good with goodbyes so... That'll do, pig.
    Columbus: That's the worst goodbye I've ever heard. And you stole it from a movie.

  • Tallahassee attracting zombies by playing "Dueling Banjos" from Deliverance on a banjo, then smashing a charging zombie's head in with it while yelling "You've got a purdy mouth!"

  • "You've never heard of Willie Nelson?" "No." "Willie. Nelson."
    • Later...
      Little Rock: Who's Bill Murray?
      Tallahassee: ...I've never hit a kid before, but asking who Bill Murray is?? That's like asking who Gandhi is!
      Little Rock: ...who's Gandhi?

  • "Blind spots are for other drivers!"

  • How about when Columbus and Tallahassee are talking about the last time they got laid and they see a zombie in the middle of the road eating a person?
    Tallahassee: Look, whatever you have waitin' for you in Columbus, I promise you it ain't any prettier then our friend here enjoying her manwich.

  • Tallahassee's verbal backtrack:
    Tallahassee: [Pacific Playland] totally blows!
    [Little Rock and Wichita give Tallahassee angry looks]
    Tallahassee: ...my mind. Just fun for the whole family.

  • "Oh. My. God. You're thinking about fucking Wichita. Well, wish granted, boy! She's been fucking us for the past twenty-four hours!"

  • "You weren't exactly storming the trenches when I came in."

  • Tallahassee points out that some rules no longer apply in Zombieland while Little Rock is driving:
    Tallahassee: You don't have to worry about blind spots, blind spots are for the other drivers!

Wichita and Little Rock

  • During the driving montage, the brief shot of Little Rock explaining how Hannah Montana works to a surprisingly enthralled Tallahassee. With "Popular" by Kristin Chenoweth playing in the background.
    • And the bit of the montage where Little Rock is driving.
      Wichita: "This is the freeway, so you can go up to 65, but you don't want to go over 75..."
      Columbus: "You don't want to go over 20!"

  • Wichita's Janine Melnitz impression after she, Tallahassee, and Bill Murray get stoned and re-create the ballroom scene from Ghostbusters (1984).

  • Wichita punking Columbus for the second time and going "Bummer."

Others

  • The zombies themselves, while nightmarish to even look at, have their own funny moments considering that they're in a Black Comedy. Notable examples include the zombie in the prologue that belches after devouring a human, and the zombie that is snacking on Bone marrow like she’s sucking on a Yogurt Tube.

  • The zombie three-legged race in the opening sequence. Note how the opening sequence alternates between awesome and funny with every shot?
    • Also in the intro, the guy wearing a sign that says "The End is Near" who suffers from a severe case of Dramatic Irony as he's swarmed by zombies on the street.

  • The stereotypical Suburban Mom Van being mobbed by an army of small zombie girls dressed as princesses.

  • Unrelated to the story, and just for the amusement of the audience, a narrator declares that "Zombie Kill of the Week" goes to Sister Cynthia Knickerbocker with a Piano Drop, of all things.

  • On repeated viewings, when you realize that the guy who gets killed in the bathroom to demonstrate Rule #3 is the same guy who gets conned by Wichita and Little Rock in their flashback.

  • The appearances of the rules on screen when they're applied. The words appear on the screen, always in a manner appropriate to the scene, and when "Enjoy the little things" floats over a destroyed tacky souvenir shop, cracking, creaking and the word "things" about to fall off the sentence at any moment...it's a hilarious visual gag.
    • Even better is Rule #1 Cardio. As Columbus runs from the zombies at the gas station, the rule appears and one of the zombies smashes hip-first into the rule and breaks it. In lap two, that zombie is limping far behind.

  • That moment when they grab a map in Hollywood that you realize that there's a zombie who's dressed like Charlie Chaplin.

  • Columbus giving both barrels to not-actually-zombie Bill Murray.
    • Not to mention this quote following that scene:
      Little Rock: Do you have any regrets?
      Bill: Garfield, maybe.
    • Tallahassee examines the wound, saying that they probably won't be able to stitch it up.
      Bill:: Uh, that's still tender.
    • The team tries a 21-gun salute, only for Columbus to have to reload halfway through...and after the drop the body, Columbus offers Purell to anyone who wants it. Everyone accepts.
    • What about his final breath going on FAR too long.
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