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Funny / Triptych Continuum

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In Triptych:

  • When Quiet Presence meets the Bearers in Triptych, he uses their full title as what seems to be a gentle means of teasing, followed by putting Twilight through her Princess version. She then teases him into giving out his own, which is — His Most Gracious Lord Quiet Presence, Heir To The House Of Deluge, Bearer Of The Standard, Light Of The Storm's Passing, And Holder Of The Sacred Leg Rings Of Trotter's Falls.
    "And how do you feel when somepony addresses you that way?"
    Without a moment of hesitation, "By the time they finish all that? Bored."
  • The Leaning on the Fourth Wall in Triptych:
    • In Chapter 39:
    The Lord of the castle is leading the Bearers down a secret passage filled with traps. There's every chance that if I saw this in a story, I might start shouting at the page in a completely futile effort to keep the heroines and hero from going in there."
    • In Chapter 40, through Gentle Arrival, nodding at the length of the story, and the chapter, which was the second longest, when it was posted:
    "'Cutie mark',"
    "There's a story in that,
    about how 'cutie' came to be part of the term.
    Perhaps this might be the night for it, or it could simply frustrate those who feel that tale is lengthening the delay."
  • In chapter 55, Discord telling Twilight to get up when he casually drops the bombshell that the Princesses were Earth Ponies before they became alicorns.
    • In the same paragraph, Discord then makes the Suspiciously Specific Denial that, contrary to rumors, the Princesses did not beat him because he was too busy laughing at their ineptitude at flying on their newly gained wings. He also mentions that their first efforts at projecting coronas with unicorn horns were quite spectacularly disastrous.


In Other Stories:

  • In If Rainbow Dash Can't Sleep, Rainbow's insomnia brings her to the library in (eventual) search of a truly boring book — waking up Twilight to get the recommendation. She winds up with a Day Court transcript. Twilight is then woken up several more times so Rainbow can get word definitions (and is shown the dictionary), historical references, and so on down the line. After all that plus a badly-chosen comment finally gets Rainbow tossed, we get this:
    "Twilight? Come on, Twilight, let me back in! Just for a minute! You didn't tell me what 'defenestration' meant before you threw me out the window! I need to use the dictionary!"
  • A Total Eclipse Of The Fun features one of Twilight's Deadpan Snarker moments after she's confronted with Professor Skywise, a griffon astronomy expert who refuses to believe in the approaching Princess-created eclipse in the face of all evidence and has in fact come to Equestria just so he can witness what he believes is an illusion and write a paper disproving it. (It's a thought experiment: he thinks it isn't happening: therefore, it did not.) He declares Celestia senile and calls Twilight stupid, which finally triggers this:
    There was a very long pause. Empires had died in that kind of pause. Some of them had committed suicide as a final desperate means of escape.
    Twilight's tones were just barely on the edge of hearing, and a disturbing level of politeness had returned to every last word. "I know one form of proof you would have to accept, sir."
    Disdainful, "And what would that be?"
    Complete and utter calm. "Having the Princesses send you to the Moon. Then all you have to do is look down. If you can see Ponyville, I win."
    • He then threatens to write unflatteringly about her to every scientist back home.
    "You're the top astronomer in your homeland, right?"
    "The single most skilled and knowledgeable by magnitudes?"
    "Good. Then my reputation is perfectly safe because none of the others will be intelligent enough to read."
  • Cutie Mark Crusaders Alpha Pack Leader eventually reaches the point where the trio has to find some way of getting the dogs to leave Apple Bloom alone. After she and Sweetie Belle summarily reject Scootaloo's idea to grab Angel Bunny, pegasus and unicorn filly head out to fetch the second scariest thing imaginable. This option is confined in a writing, twisting, mostly-rent saddlebag, and when Sweetie Belle lets her out...
    Opal emerged.
    That was the short form. The one which stuck in Apple Bloom's dreams for years to come was 'a spitting, hissing, fur-fluffed, ears-back, claws-out spiraling unstoppable mass of purest fury and destruction emerged to wreak vengeance on everypony who had confined her'. And then some.
  • In Chapter 2 of A Mark Of Appeal, Celestia goes into Joyous' assigned quarters for a first interview, apparently confident that simply knowing what the effect of the pegasus' mark is and being ready to resist will leave her untouched. Upon exiting, she tells Luna that she has to go. To Trotter's Falls. Immediately. Luna casually runs through some rejected reasons for the trip (expert to consult, artifact to use, fountain to view) before announcing the bullseye.
    "Or is it simply — what you told me was the single coldest lake in all of Equestria?"
    "...oh, shut up."
    • Near the start of Chapter 3, Celestia tries to compose a letter to the pegasus' parents, letting them know their runaway daughter has been found and is safe under Princess wings. The problem is that Joyous is still very much on her mind, and every single attempt eventually warps into something which contains thoughts which were better off not being written down. From Take #11:
    Celestia: {writing]...I realize you may have certain fears regarding this, but I believe I can answer all of them. For starters, I am quite aware of my sheer physical size and all the ways it could potentially create difficulties within the Royal Bedroom. Be assured that over the centuries, I have carefully planned out methods of getting around every last one of them. While I will not include diagrams here, such exist, have never been seen by the general public and if I have anything to say about it, never will be. But they are actually rather simple to memorize and I'm certain a degree of improvisation can be added on the fly. Which, as your daughter happens to be a pegasus (and the most beautiful one I've ever had the honor to see in my lifetime, something I hope truly impresses you both when you fully consider all of the implications), we may be able to render quite literal —
  • Princesses Can't Cook has the sisters attending their first lesson in the culinary arts. Luna ultimately decides to attempt ice cream — then encounters the freezing & aeration process, which involves an ancient oak cask and a mouth-held crank which must be rotated through slowly trotting around the cask. For a very long time. And the reason the Lunar Kitchen uses that instead of a device? Her. Because she insisted on ice cream with the same consistency as before, and the only way to get it was through using the exact same method. Once the frustration, boredom, and neck cramps hit the critical level, she decides to take a shortcut. Freezing? She's An Ice Pony: solved. Aeration? There's already air present on the microscopic level, so all she has to do is use pegasus magic to make it move faster. As in internal storm system. Complete with lightning.
  • Luna has eaten meat.
    "It once became necessary," the Princess slowly said, "to secure a treaty through the winning of a bet."
    "Yes, Princess."
    "It is not necessary for anypony else to know about that."
    "No, Princess."
    "Yes, Princess."
    "Should you hear any stories coming from Ponyville concerning backsides I may or may not have gobbled, you are to ignore those as well."
    "Of course, Princess."
  • When defined within the context of magic, 'escort' means taking a passenger along during a teleport. Twilight knows all about that, just took a test to get her license for it — and had all her spare bits wiped out by the fee. So in the name of raising money for a book written by Earnest Young, she opens up Twilight's Escort Service, figuring ponies will pay to be teleported to their homes rather than trotting or flying through an exceptionally cold winter. The problem is that 'escort' can have another meaning, and given the way her advertising poster came out...
    Twilight's Escort Service
    Anywhere*. Anytime**. Anypony***.
    An Experience You've Never Had! Why Be Cold And Alone? Warmth And Comfort Await!
    Trust In Skill! Trust In Teachings Learned Directly At The Hooves And Field Of The Princess!
    Appointments To Be Made At Library. Advance Bookings Recommended, But Drop-In Visits Will Be Accommodated As Time, Energy, And Schedule Permit.
    Fully Licensed And Accredited By The Appropriate Canterlot Office. CEO #1792. Paperwork Available On Request.
    Available For A Limited Time Only. Payment In Advance. Tips Welcome.
    (Young: Need The Money.)
    • This was followed by somewhat smaller print.
    * 'Anywhere' refers to Ponyville's settled zone and minor portions of the fringe. Some hoof effort may be involved on the receiving end. I cannot promise instant results for anypony, but all will achieve their desire with surprisingly little effort.
    **'Anytime' would generally be restricted by normal pony working hours, but I understand that several ponies will both prefer and require my services at night, and as this is a limited-time offer set during a season when ponies would not wish to be cold and alone, especially under Moon, I will do my best to service them at any hour I can manage. Please do understand that there will be certain points when it may seem as if I am tired, but I am still fully licensed and accredited, and so can accomplish the feat regardless of waking state. In fact, there are studies which suggest that superior results occur when some degree of exertion has already taken place, as the escorter is more relaxed and lack of tension seems to allow the tackling of more impressive feats.
    ***'Anypony' is normally defined as any single pony entity, but I will also escort any sapient being residing within the settled zone. I do not discriminate in my services. Additionally, escort service is available for parties of up to three, and those parties can be mixed ones. I would appreciate notice well in advance so I can figure out how to deal with unusual issues of size or mass, but will try to adjust quickly for true emergency needs.
  • Virtually any time that the Murdocks press corps is mentioned.
    Celestia had never seen Murdocks himself. She knew how old he was, where he had been born, the fact that 'he' was the right pronoun to use — basics. Beyond that, the publisher hid from all inquiries, sent ponies to speak for him in legal matters, and bribed others not to speak, mostly with counterfeit bits which he always claimed had been passed into his possession without knowledge. She was becoming very curious for a look at his face, mostly so she could put it on a dartboard.
  • Dozens of moments throughout the events of Goosed! apply, from Fluttershy getting her Twilight on, to Rarity fighting off a Crystal Goose through her mastery of dirty street brawling, to the long list of hateful names applied to the Geese, which culminates in "Grey-Winged Shitbuckets".
  • Trav(ap)est(r)y has a one-two punch of Call-Back and Brick Joke. Long after the events of Twilight's Escort Service, Luna has Fleur pointed out to her for the first time, eventually being told that Fancypants talked Fleur into retiring from her original profession in order to become his student. She then asks what that former occupation was, and upon being told:
    "You found her in the midst of teleporting ponies about the capital?"
  • Rainbow Splash is basically Rainbow Vs. Logistics. After finding an ad for water balloons in her favorite magazine (Pranksters Alibied), she immediately places an order because ponies are starting to look for her cloud soakings, the balloons are new, and they're available with fur dye powder inside: one splash equals one color change. What she completely manages to overlook is that minotaurs have hands. Ponies aren't designed for filling or throwing water balloons, and it takes Rainbow a long day of struggle (to the point where she considers using Poison Joke to turn herself into a living screwdriver, as opposed to going out and getting an actual screwdriver) before she manages to get a supply ready — only to have her first prank backfire, as Rarity points out a Logical Weakness: the typical unicorn can't levitate a cloud, but water balloons can be easily sent back to their point of origin. Rainbow ends the story by staining her way into the spa.
  • Rarity's chapter of Sick Little Ponies (And One Dragon) is basically Ponyville's resident Drama Queen under the effects of medication which removes her usual filters, resulting in an entire short story of Large Ham turned Up to Eleven, as Rarity convinces herself that her illness means she's dying, arranges for the outfit she intends to be caught dead in (after spending hours sorting through both wardrobe and appropriate final pose), then sewing throughout the night to create something her corpse can wear at the funeral — an outfit which, since it was designed by somepony with a fever, brings out a viewer reaction of Kill It with Fire. (She also managed to sew her own mane into the hock line.)
  • The steady uptick of just how far Twilight's gone to deliberately overstock the library in The Remainders Of The Day cumulates in two words: storage unit.
  • Suited For Terror demonstrates why Rarity is the most terrifying entity in Ponyville on every single Nightmare Night: those who come to her door may encounter her emergency (and forced) costume revisions.
  • Rarity's more dramatic moments tend to be a source of comedy in the 'verse, but one of her funniest comes during a moment of Tranquil Fury. Upon seeing the color changes inflicted on the Boutique's dresses in Orange Is The New Blue (which happens after hearing Twilight say that any casting on something non-living is likely permanent), Rarity goes on a long, half-dreamy speech about how she once considered a career in politics after losing her Preschool Princess election, can see herself returning to the arena again, might just run for the Night Court and, after a long career brings her to the point where she can both compose her own legislation and has the votes behind her, will have certain acts recognized as crimes, then carry out the first punishment herself as a reward for a lifetime of public service.
  • The four words which close A Mark Of Appeal, spoken by Celestia to Luna: "Good night, Crater-Ass." Ultimately, the Continuum's version of the sisters are simply ponies — and siblings who occasionally take each other down a few pegs.
  • How low is the heat threshold for activating Rainbow's homemade fire alarm? This low.
    • "OH, COME ON!"

Example of: