History Funny / TriptychContinuum

* How low is the heat threshold [[Recap/TriptychContinuumASeriesOfEgotisticalEvents for activating Rainbow's]] homemade fire alarm? [[ADateWithRosiePalms This low.]]
--> '''Rainbow Dash''': '''''OH, COME ON!'''''

* Rarity's chapter of [[http://www.fimfiction.net/story/338433/sick-little-ponies-and-one-dragon Sick Little Ponies (And One Dragon)]] is basically Ponyville's resident DramaQueen under the effects of medication which removes her usual filters, resulting in an entire short story of LargeHam turned UpToEleven, as Rarity convinces herself that her illness means she's dying, arranges for the outfit she intends to be caught dead in (after spending hours sorting through both wardrobe and appropriate final pose), then sewing throughout the night to create something her corpse can wear at the funeral -- an outfit which, since it was designed by somepony with a fever, brings out a viewer reaction of KillItWithFire. (She also managed to sew her own mane into the hock line.)

* When Quiet Presence meets the Bearers in [[http://www.fimfiction.net/story/101769/triptych Triptych]], he uses their [[TryToFitThatOnABusinessCard full title]] as what seems to be a gentle means of teasing, followed by putting Twilight through her Princess version. She then teases him into giving out his own, which is -- His Most Gracious Lord Quiet Presence, Heir To The House Of Deluge, [[OverlyLongName Bearer Of The Standard]], Light Of The Storm's Passing, [[Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration And Holder Of The Sacred Leg Rings Of Trotter's Falls]].

-->"And how do you feel when somepony addresses you that way?"
--> Without a moment of hesitation, "By the time they finish all that? ''Bored''."

--> The Lord of the castle is leading the Bearers down a secret passage filled with ''traps''. There's every chance that if I saw this in a story, I might start shouting at the page in a completely futile effort to keep the heroines and hero from going in there."

--> "'Cutie mark',"\\

-->There was a very long pause. Empires had died in that kind of pause. Some of them had committed suicide as a final desperate means of escape.
-->Twilight's tones were just barely on the edge of hearing, and a disturbing level of politeness had returned to every last word. "I know one form of proof you would have to accept, sir."
-->Disdainful, "And what would ''that'' be?"
-->Complete and utter calm. "Having the Princesses send you to the Moon. Then all you have to do is look down. If you can see Ponyville, I win."

-->"You're the top astronomer in your homeland, right?"
-->"Yes!"
-->"The single most skilled and knowledgeable by magnitudes?"
-->"Correct!"
-->"Good. Then my reputation is perfectly safe because none of the others will be intelligent enough to ''read''."

-->Opal emerged.
-->That was the short form. The one which stuck in Apple Bloom's dreams for years to come was 'a spitting, hissing, fur-fluffed, ears-back, claws-out spiraling unstoppable mass of purest fury and destruction emerged to wreak vengeance on everypony who had confined her'. And then some.

-->"Or is it simply -- what you told me was the single '''''coldest''''' lake in all of Equestria?"
-->"...oh, shut up."

-->'''Celestia''': ''{writing]''...I realize you may have certain fears regarding this, but I believe I can answer all of them. For starters, I am quite aware of my sheer physical size and all the ways it could potentially create difficulties within the Royal Bedroom. Be assured that over the centuries, I have carefully planned out methods of getting around every last one of them. While I will not include diagrams here, such exist, have never been seen by the general public and if I have anything to say about it, never will be. But they are actually rather simple to memorize and I'm certain a degree of improvisation can be added on the fly. Which, as your daughter happens to be a pegasus (and the most beautiful one I've ever had the honor to see in my lifetime, something I hope truly impresses you both when you fully consider all of the implications), we may be able to render quite literal --

-->"It once became necessary," the Princess slowly said, "to secure a treaty through the winning of a bet."
-->"Yes, Princess."
-->"It is ''not'' necessary for anypony else to know about that."
-->"No, Princess."
-->"Ever."
-->"Yes, Princess."
-->"Should you hear any stories coming from Ponyville concerning backsides I may or may not have gobbled, you are to ignore those as well."
-->"Of course, Princess."

--> * 'Anywhere' refers to Ponyville's settled zone and minor portions of the fringe. Some hoof effort may be involved on the receiving end. I cannot promise instant results for anypony, but all will achieve their desire with surprisingly little effort.
--> **'Anytime' would generally be restricted by normal pony working hours, but I understand that several ponies will both prefer and require my services at night, and as this is a limited-time offer set during a season when ponies would not wish to be cold and alone, especially under Moon, I will do my best to service them at any hour I can manage. Please do understand that there will be certain points when it may seem as if I am tired, but I am still fully licensed and accredited, and so can accomplish the feat regardless of waking state. In fact, there are studies which suggest that superior results occur when some degree of exertion has already taken place, as the escorter is more relaxed and lack of tension seems to allow the tackling of more impressive feats.
--> ***'Anypony' is normally defined as any single pony entity, but I will also escort any sapient being residing within the settled zone. I do not discriminate in my services. Additionally, escort service is available for parties of up to three, and those parties can be mixed ones. I would appreciate notice well in advance so I can figure out how to deal with unusual issues of size or mass, but will try to adjust quickly for true emergency needs.

** "'''''OH, COME ON!'''''"

-->"[[ShoutOut Or,]] [[Disney/TheEmperorsNewGroove to save on campaign funds]], [[ASimplePlan I could simply track this unicorn down right now and]] ''[[MurderIsTheBestSolution kill her]]''. [[LetsGetDangerous Shall we?]]"

** "'''''OH, COME ON!'''''"
* In chapter 17 of ''[[Recap/TriptychContinuumAnchorFoal Anchor Foal: A Romantic Cringe Comedy]]'', Caramel tries to [[GirlsAreReallyScaredOfHorrorMovies manipulate Fluttershy into cuddling him on their date by going to a horror movie]]. Except, because of Fluttershy's FluffyTamer tendencies, she's not scared of the movie's monster (a centaur) in the slightest, instead fascinatedly trying to work out how its biology works and sadly concluding that it must be suffering from impacted breathing, chronic joint pain, and potentially fatal bowel torsions. All whilst Caramel stares at her dumbfounded, not understanding how things could have gone so far off plan. The sight is so funny that, InUniverse, Fluttershy's "chaperone", Fleur, has stuffed a hoof into her mouth to keep from laughing aloud.

--> [[spoiler:The Lord of the castle is leading the Bearers down a secret passage filled with ''traps''.]] There's every chance that if I saw this in a story, I might start shouting at the page in a completely futile effort to keep the heroines and hero from going in there."

* In chapter 55, Discord telling Twilight to get up when he casually drops the bombshell that [[spoiler:the Princesses were Earth Ponies before they became alicorns]].

* [[http://www.fimfiction.net/story/331677/rainbow-splash Rainbow Splash]] is basically Rainbow Vs. Logistics. After finding an ad for water balloons in her favorite magazine ('''Pranksters Alibied'''), she immediately places an order because ponies are starting to look for her cloud soakings, the balloons are new, and they're available with fur dye powder inside: one splash equals one color change. What she completely manages to overlook is that minotaurs have ''hands''. Ponies aren't designed for filling or throwing water balloons, and it takes Rainbow a long day of struggle (to the point where she considers using ''Poison Joke'' to turn herself into a living screwdriver, as opposed to [[ComplexityAddiction going out and getting an actual screwdriver]]) before she manages to get a supply ready -- only to have her first prank backfire, as Rarity points out a LogicalWeakness: [[spoiler: the typical unicorn can't levitate a cloud, but water balloons can be easily sent back to their point of origin. Rainbow ends the story by staining her way into the spa]].

* The steady uptick of just how far Twilight's gone to deliberately overstock the library in [[http://www.fimfiction.net/story/357826/the-remainders-of-the-day The Remainders Of The Day]] cumulates in two words: [[spoiler:storage unit]].

* The four words which close [[http://www.fimfiction.net/story/131321/a-mark-of-appeal A Mark Of Appeal]], spoken by Celestia to Luna: "[[spoiler:Good night, Crater-Ass.]]" Ultimately, the Continuum's version of the sisters are simply ponies -- and siblings who occasionally take each other down a few pegs.

* [[http://www.fimfiction.net/story/328981/travapestry Trav(ap)est(r)y]] has a one-two punch of CallBack and BrickJoke. Long after the events of [[TriptychContinuumTwilightsEscortService Twilight's Escort Service]], Luna has Fleur pointed out to her for the first time, eventually being told that Fancypants talked Fleur into retiring from her original profession in order to become his student. She then asks what that [[HighClassCallGirl former occupation]] ''was'', and upon being told:

* In [[http://www.fimfiction.net/story/179855/if-rainbow-dash-cant-sleep If Rainbow Dash Can't Sleep]], Rainbow's insomnia brings her to the library in (eventual) search of a truly boring book -- waking up Twilight to get the recommendation. She winds up with a Day Court transcript. Twilight is then woken up several more times so Rainbow can get word definitions (and is shown the dictionary), historical references, and so on down the line. After all that plus a badly-chosen comment finally gets Rainbow tossed, we get this:
-->"Twilight? Come on, Twilight, let me back in! Just for a minute! You didn't tell me what 'defenestration' meant before you threw me out the window! I need to use the dictionary!"
* [[http://www.fimfiction.net/story/119983/a-total-eclipse-of-the-fun A Total Eclipse Of The Fun]] features one of Twilight's [[DeadpanSnarker Deadpan Snarker]] moments after she's confronted with Professor Skywise, a griffon [[KnowNothingKnowItAll astronomy expert]] who refuses to believe in the approaching Princess-created eclipse in the face of all evidence and has in fact come to Equestria just so he can witness what he believes is an illusion and write a paper disproving it. (It's a thought experiment: he thinks it isn't happening: therefore, it did not.) He declares Celestia senile and calls Twilight stupid, which finally triggers this:
-->There was a very long pause. Empires had died in that kind of pause. Some of them had committed suicide as a final desperate means of escape.
-->Twilight's tones were just barely on the edge of hearing, and a disturbing level of politeness had returned to every last word. "I know one form of proof you would have to accept, sir."
-->Disdainful, "And what would ''that'' be?"
-->Complete and utter calm. "Having the Princesses send you to the Moon. Then all you have to do is look down. If you can see Ponyville, I win."
** He then threatens to write unflatteringly about her to every scientist back home.
-->"You're the top astronomer in your homeland, right?"
-->"Yes!"
-->"The single most skilled and knowledgeable by magnitudes?"
-->"Correct!"
-->"Good. Then my reputation is perfectly safe because none of the others will be intelligent enough to ''read''."
* [[http://www.fimfiction.net/story/178284/cutie-mark-crusaders-alpha-pack-leader Cutie Mark Crusaders Alpha Pack Leader]] eventually reaches the point where the trio has to find some way of getting the dogs to leave Apple Bloom alone. After she and Sweetie Belle [[SanityBall summarily reject]] Scootaloo's idea to grab [[KillerRabbit Angel Bunny]], pegasus and unicorn filly head out to fetch the ''second'' scariest thing imaginable. This option is confined in a writing, twisting, mostly-rent saddlebag, and when Sweetie Belle lets her out...
-->Opal emerged.
-->That was the short form. The one which stuck in Apple Bloom's dreams for years to come was 'a spitting, hissing, fur-fluffed, ears-back, claws-out spiraling unstoppable mass of purest fury and destruction emerged to wreak vengeance on everypony who had confined her'. And then some.

* The LeaningOnTheFourthWall in Triptych:
** In [[https://www.fimfiction.net/story/101769/39/ Chapter 39]]:
--> [[spoiler:The Lord of the castle is leading the Bearers down a secret passage filled with ''traps''.]] There's every chance that if I saw this in a story, I might start shouting at the page in a completely futile effort to keep the heroines and hero from going in there."
** In [[https://www.fimfiction.net/story/101769/40/triptych/presentation Chapter 40]], through Gentle Arrival, nodding at the length of the story, and the chapter, which was the second longest, when it was posted:
--> "'Cutie mark',"\\
"There's a story in that,\\
...\\
about how 'cutie' came to be part of the term.\\
...\\
Perhaps this might be the night for it, or it could simply frustrate those who feel that tale is lengthening the delay."

* In chapter 17 of ''[[Recap/TriptychContinuumAnchorFoal Anchor Foal: A Romantic Cringe Comedy]]'', Caramel tries to [[GirlsHateHorrorMovies manipulate Fluttershy into cuddling him on their date by going to a horror movie]]. Except, because of Fluttershy's FluffyTamer tendencies, she's not scared of the movie's monster (a centaur) in the slightest, instead fascinatedly trying to work out how its biology works and sadly concluding that it must be suffering from impacted breathing, chronic joint pain, and potentially fatal bowel torsions. All whilst Caramel stares at her dumbfounded, not understanding how things could have gone so far off plan. The sight is so funny that, InUniverse, Fluttershy's "chaperone", Fleur, has stuffed a hoof into her mouth to keep from laughing aloud.

Perhaps this might be the night for it, or it could simply frustrate those who feel that tale is lengthening the delay."

** "'''''OH, COME ON!'''''"

* How low is the heat threshold [[Recap/TriptychContinuumASeriesOfEgotisticalEvents for activating Rainbow's]] homemade fire alarm?]] [[ADateWithRosiePalms This low.]]

* How oversensitive is the heat threshold [[for activating Rainbow's Recap/TriptychContinuumASeriesOfEgotisticalEvents]] homemade fire alarm?]] [[ADateWithRosiePalms This low.]]