Justin Tyler McElroy
The oldest brother. The Brains. Master manipulator. A man of class and wealth, along with exquisite taste.
- Big Beautiful Man: Has a noticeably heavier build than his brothers, but has no real problem with this, and was even singled out as a BBM in the "OOH MOMMY (The Danieltaste)" segment.
- Big Brother Bully: Subverted and Played for Laughs. While he's not above teasing and trolling his little brothers he genuinely loves them and very rarely takes things beyond playful ribbing and goofs. Occasionally he'll overshoot on a goof like putting his hand on the back of Travis' neck to trick him into thinking he'd put a spider there, but he'll end up apologizing if he goes too far.
- Cannot Tell a Joke: Despite his very real comedic talents, occasionally Justin will try to get in on one of Travis and Griffin's goofs and absolutely eat shit—in a way that's arguably funnier than if he landed it. Griffin and Travis know their brother well enough to know when he's about to make one of these jokes, and especially in live shows will stop him from making it as long as they can entirely to build up audience anticipation.
- Held Back in School: Justin had to do a 5th year in college because he failed in Spanish."Hey, do you know why I failed in Spanish? Because I walked into the class and the motherfucker is speaking Spanish. Dog, I don't speak it."
- Interrupting Meme: Used to insert his Haunted Doll Watch and Munch Squad segments this way, by waiting for and sometimes prompting Griffin to read a Yahoo Answers question, then cutting in with the intro for his segment.
- The Leader: As the oldest of the three brothers, Justin is who opens and decides when to end the show, is the idea man behind most of the new segments, and reads out the listeners' questions Travis puts together.
- Manly Tears: Justin has shed these a few times, mostly from how much he loves his family.
- Tomboyish Name: Not Justin himself, but his wife Sydnee and their daughters Charlie and Cooper all have tomboyish names.
- Troll: While they all heckle each other and Justin is the butt of the joke as much as Travis or Griffin, Justin has a definite tendency to mess with his little brothers just for the hell of it. When Travis announced that he had adopted another dog, Justin feigned offense at Travis saying he'd let Justin win the race to register the lilyisaverygoodgirl.com domain, and sarcastically goaded Travis to take it before it turned out that Justin had already snatched up the domain right from under Travis' nose, claiming he'd already done it three weeks ago when Travis told him he'd gotten a new dog. Even better, lilyisaverygoodgirl.com currently redirects to his (Justin's) Twitter account.
- Verbal Tic: Justin has the habit of pronouncing the word "modern" as "modren". Which may be a Shout-Out to the short film "Your Studio and You".
Travis Patrick McElroy
The middlest brother. The Brawn. The logical thinker. A Determinator, possessing indomitable will.
- Adorkable: All of the brothers, but Travis is most prone to moments of genuine enjoyment. His unironic "yaaaayyy!" at certain points throughout the podcast (and show) is a joy to behold.
- Badass Beard: Is the only brother who usually sports one, which occasionally gets lampshaded by the brothers that he's the only one that can grow an awesome beard.
- Catch Phrase: "Let me throw this out there." Travis says it so much it would be considered a Verbal Tic.
- Another one: "Here's the thing—"
- Is it possible.. comes up frequently when his Cloud Cuckoolander tendencies strike.
- Cloud Cuckoolander: Griffin is typically the one with the weird tangents, but when Travis shows the inner workings of his mind it's something to behold. In one episode he comes up with the idea of a "mango cult", where mango is pure and good and gazpacho is a darker entity and both are in constant conflict (it only very slightly makes more sense in context), and instead of their typical "yes, and" behavior Justin and Griffith simply remark in awe that Travis is an insane person and that he's probably corrupted the episode into a Brown Note like The Ring. Since then, occasionally Justin or Griffin will interrupt him with cries of "mango cult!" whenever they can tell things are about to get especially weird.
- Heroes Love Dogs: He adores his dog Buttercup and made a whole website with pictures of her, called buttercupisaverygoodgirl.com. As of episode 437 (December 2018), he and Teresa have adopted a second dog named Lily.
- Incoming Ham: His intro line in episode openings is often delivered with a lot of hammy aplomb, which fits with Travis being a theatre kid."And I'm your MIDDLEST brother, Travis McElroyyyy!"
- Keet: An older example than most, but fits with the cheerful energy he brings to the table.
- Real Men Wear Pink: Has the manliest beard, and also likes to wear nail polish and dye his hair interesting colors.
- Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Is horribly afraid of spiders, so much that thinking about them, combined with Justin's teasing, led to the titular hit in "Tarantulas & Travis Did a Hit" in the live action show. However, he did get somewhat better over the course of that episode.
Griffin Andrew McElroy
The sweet baby brother. The Heart. A highly creative mind of infinite jest and imagination. Prone to swearing.
- Berserk Button: Whenever Travis starts a Sad Lib or Play Along At Home segment, you can practically hear Griffin's blood pressure skyrocket.
- Catch Phrase: Several.
- "Pack your bags and move away."
- Sarcastically but insistently referring to Barack Obama as "Barack Hussein Obama, y'know a lot of people forget about the Hussein but I think it's important." He's even done so while doing an impression of Barack Obama.
- Muttering "and Forbes 30 under 30 Media Luminary" during his introduction after being put on Forbes' 30 under 30 list.
- "PLAY WITH ME!" when he feels his brothers aren't engaging with his latest piece of improvisational madness.
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander: All the brothers are to some extent, but Griffin in particular seems to have a mind cracked open like an overripe melon, given his frequent diversions into absurdity.
- Deadpan Snarker: He is incredibly snarky and puts it to good use riffing on his older brothers.
- Drugs Are Bad: He says not to do recreational drugs because soon you'll be out on the streets like that lady on Los Angeles that was on crack who came up and coughed into his mouth as he was walking on the sidewalk.
- Gender-Blender Name: When talking about gender neutral names for a question, Travis jokingly says to ask Griffin about it:Travis: "Let's ask Griffin, since Griffin - you've got a girl's name. So what is it like to-"Griffin: "Go fuck yourself in the throat."
- Hollywood Dateless: In early episodes, he would be singled out as the brother who wasn't dating someone, with listeners even getting in on it in questions about romance by specifying that Griffin was not allowed to answer. Subverted now that he has married his wife, Rachel.
- The Matchmaker: For Valentine's Day 2019, he plays Cupid and helps you, the listener, hook up with episode 447 of the podcast using his suit of Ferrero Rochers, a bed of poetry, and balloons full of wine.
- Sir Swears-a-Lot: Is typically the most foul-mouthed of the brothers, often with a side of Sophisticated as Hell.