Tropers: The Dire Flamingohawkrobin

"You're sitting there on your floor in a pirate hat, pyjama pants and no shirt, playing air hockey against yourself, and you're calling me a loser?"
"All comedy is theory until someone else laughs at it."
— The Dire FlamingoHawkRobin

I'm not a major contributor to TV Tropes, although I chime in from time to time. I added a lot to the One Piece, Avatar and Axe Cop trope pages, and I created the page for Uncle Buck because it was simply criminal that such a thing did not exist.

I'm big and hairy. Nothing fits me: gloves, pants, shoes, hats… I love movies more than I should. In my spare time I like to play Dungeons & Dragons and Big Eyes, Small Mouth, usually as a Game Master. It helps that I am an aspiring writer. I mainly write original fantasy/sci-fi, but I have an insatiable taste for parody as well. Colin Mochrie is my spirit animal.

     My Parodies 

Stare Wars

Star Trippin'

The Wary Pooter Series

  • Wary Pooter and the Phenomenal Stench — Wary is taken away from a life of systematic child abuse and placed into an arguably more dangerous environment: Hogsnorts, the most dangerous school in the entire world. With his newfound friends Wrong Wheezy and Yerwhiny Ginger, he finds that learning takes a back seat to merely surviving (and finding the source of the mysterious smell that seems to permeate the school).
  • Wary Pooter and the Chamber of Sewage — Wary and friends wonder why in the hell Hogsnorts has four houses—Drippindork, Ravingclod, Shufflestuff and Slickerthan—when Slickerthan is so obviously evil. Shit gets real when someone opens the secret, evil chamber left behind by Slickerthan's oddly toilet-obsessed founder.
  • Wary Pooter and the Picnicker of Asskaboom — The Ministry of Magic can't figure out why inmates of their impregnable maximum-security wizard prison, Asskaboom, guarded by the absent-minded Dummentals, keep wandering off. Wary meets his sketchy "uncle" Serious Plaque, Wrong regrets changing clothes in front of his pet rat, and Yerwhiny gets timey-wimey.
  • Wary Pooter and the Hormones on Fire — When Hogsnorts hosts the Try-Not-to-Die Tournament against Wurmstrangle and Boobatons, Wary discovers he likes Asian chicks, Wrong and Yerwhiny desperately try to escape the adolescent sexual tension strangling them both, and some guy named Farty Crotch kills Edward with the Really Stupid Plot Twist spell.
  • Wary Pooter and the Odour of the Penis — Wary meets a dippy hippy chick named Tuna Lovewood and finally gets to second base with Sho Thang. He spends the rest of his school year being a whiny nuisance to everyone around him. Oh, also the Dark Lord Moldywart is back and some people die, but who cares about that when you can have ANGST.

     My Favourite Things 
     My Oversized Collection of Quotes 
Nanny Ogg: I've nothing against ghosts. ... But my cottage's no place for them. There’s some woman in a chariot yelling her head off in the washhouse. ... And there’s a couple of little kiddies in the pantry, and men without heads all over the place, and someone screaming under the sink, and there’s this little hairy man wandering around looking lost and everything. It’s not right.

McCoy: You mean I've got to die to discuss your thoughts on death?
Spock: Excuse me, doctor; I am receiving several distress calls.
McCoy: I don't doubt it.

Natalie: Oh my god. You're the Prince of Darkness.
Stottlemeyer: No, he's not the Prince of Darkness. I've seen him vacuuming the ceiling. You wouldn't see the Prince of Darkness doing that.
Natalie: No, I can picture the Prince of Darkness vacuuming the ceiling, to trick us. He's very tricky.
Monk: Stop calling me the Prince of Darkness! That's how rumours get started.

Jeff: Hey! Troy sneezes like a girl!
Troy: How about I pound you like a boy—that didn't come out right.

Colin Mochrie: I believe it was Dr. Seuss who said, "With my hands should I clap? No no no, you're crap crap crap!"

Colin: It's an ancient custom to wave your nuts at a sick alien.

Ryan Stiles: Colin, what comes into your head when I say "Ricky Ricardo and great cigars"?
Colin: Oh! Tapioca.

Ryan: Here's another riddle for ya. What kind of bird always says the name of our next band?
Colin: Oh. I guess a... tern? An arctic tern?
Ryan: And what sound does an arctic tern make?
Colin: (beat) BAWKSTREETBOYS!

The Joker: Tell me, my friend. Have you ever danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight?
Green Goblin: Yeah. He told me you're gay.

Spock: If I were human, I believe my response would be: "Go to Hell." If I were human.

Louis C.K.: Here's the difference, for me, between boys and girls: boys fuck things up, and girls are fucked up.

Seanbaby: Communicating with MMO players is like trying to speak sign language through a hole in a bathroom wall: Everyone on the other side of it is confused, is angry, or only came here to suck.

Seanbaby: Publicly strapping an inflatable woman to your crotch is what's known in the penis community as a "retirement ceremony." … This is a costume for a man who knows exactly how long to microwave a melon to make it feel like a human vagina. Buddhists believe that whenever a plastic bag suffocates a baby, its punishment is to come back as the lower half of a Down for the Count costume.

The Mandarin: True story about fortune cookies: they look Chinese, they sound Chinese, but they're actually an American invention; which is why they're hollow, full of lies and leave a bad taste in the mouth.

Mr. Plinkett: George Lucas didn't ruin my childhood; fucking polio did!

Sokka: My first girlfriend turned into the moon.
Zuko: (beat) That's rough, buddy.

DAVE: gamzee what happened here
DAVE: did you see what happened
DAVE: not gonna answer me huh
DAVE: youre just gonna keep manhandling johns evil mom and not tell me what jades doing under this house
DAVE: sweet jesus youre an awful dude

Patton Oswalt: You realize a clown is just a transvestite that doesn't stop, right?

Carlos Ramirez: Everyone else who lets me ride on their dinosaur calls me Carlos.

Wallace Shawn: The life of an actor can be very enviable. If the phone rings and somebody says, "I see you as the leader of a group of aliens with enormous heads", I think that's fantastic.

Patton Oswalt: Until you invent a lunch gun, I would like a failure pile in a sadness bowl.

Strong Bad: Wow. It's like, even when we win, he wins.

Stan Pines: Darn beautiful men! Always... rooting through my trash—wait, what?

Khan: Because I am better.
Kirk: At what?
Khan: Everything.

Joker: I now do what other people only dream. I make art until someone dies.

Louis C.K.: "My phone sucks." No it doesn't! The shittiest cellphone is a miracle! Your life sucks around the phone.

Granny Weatherwax: Things that try to look like things often do look more like things than things. Well-known fact.

The War Doctor: Oh, the pointing again. It's a screwdriver! What are you going to do, assemble a cabinet at them?

Commander Badass: Does it embarrass you at all that you just measured yer success with women by how much gay porn they've made outta you an' yer brother?

Red: All I wanted was to eat the chicken that is smarter than other chickens and to absorb its power. And make a nice Kiev.

The Captain: I don't wanna survive. I wanna live!

Claudius: Madness in great ones should not unwatched go.

Sam Vimes: If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you entirely at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power, power over people, and they want to see you in fear. They want you to know you’re going to die. So they’ll talk. They’ll gloat. They’ll watch you squirm. They’ll put off the moment of murder like another man will put off a good cigar. So hope like hell your captor is an evil man. A good man will kill you with hardly a word.

Marconi: Every living being has but one need: power. Power over other living things. You need it to grow, to eat, to reproduce. And cruelty is the ultimate expression of power. To impose needless, extreme suffering and humiliation on another. It is the purest demonstration of strength. Toddlers learn it in the nursery. Therefore every organism, from the microbe up, wears its cruelty as a badge to mark its upward progress. Prey must be subdued, competition must be starved, enemies must be wiped out. One would thus assume that we find the same among the gods, only moreso. That at each level of the heavens we find higher and higher levels of greed, brutality and mindless spite. How else could they have become gods?