Webcomic: Manly Guys Doing Manly Things
"Lady, you have no idea how hard it is for guys like Kratos to reintegrate into everyday society."
— Commander Badass
Created as an entry for a webcomic contest in 2010 for The Escapist
, Manly Guys Doing Manly Things
(MGDMT) is a comic about a temp agency to help "ludicrously macho guys"
find work in the real world when they no longer have work as popular fiction characters. How well they actually integrate has... mixed results
Sadly, the comic lost out the contest, but was by far a favorite among those paying attention to the contest, making it popular enough for its creator, Coelasquid, to keep it going. It can now be beheld here
in all its manly
Manly Guys Doing Manly Things makes manly use of the following Tropes:
- Absurd Phobia: These three comics talk about Commander's irrational millipede phobia.
- Abnormal Ammo: An action figure's gun accessory that shoots smaller guns. Which possibly shoot little deep-fried beer cans.
Jared: Where are they coming from?
- Achievements in Ignorance: Only someone as clueless about Pokémon Training as Jared would start with Magikarp but only someone who doesn't even understand simple battle mechanics could make it work. See Shamu Fu.
- Adult Fear: Commander becoming a bishonen carries the disturbing subtext of a parent becoming unrecognizable and frightening to their kids.
- Affectionate Parody:
- While it does take shots at the concept thereof, this strip is a parody of the classic Charles Atlas cartoon ad.
- The Nomura Syndrome arc is one for JRPGs.
- American Kirby Is Hardcore: In Universe example, this happens to Ryu of Breath of Fire II, turning a fairly normal (if blue-haired) sixteen year old kid into a muscle bound roid raging hulk. This is meant to be a Take That by the author at the trope, which happened to the game in Real Life.
- Amicable Exes: Commander gets along reasonably well with his ex-wife Maddy. They even had a barbecue together.
- Anything That Moves: The comic's version of The Warden is this. He seems especially fond of the Qunari, particularly Iron Bull.
- Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: the Commander complains about Canadian Guy since he comes to work drunk, cranks up the AC, field dresses deer in the lunchroom, breaks various office equipment, and beats all of the Commander's Robot Unicorn Attack high scores.
- Artistic License – Animal Care: In-Universe: Jared becomes a Pokémon Professor for his shocking new discoveries that a) animals like it when you pet them, groom them, and feed them treats, and b) Gyarados is carnivorous and should not be raised on a sweets-only diet.
Jared: [to Lysandre]
you your science license?!
- Oddly enough, while Jared is good at taking care of animals, he knows very little about Pokemon in general. For example when given a free Pokemon he opens a pokeball by breaking it, and is surprised when the Gengar runs away 
- Author Appeal:
- While the comic exists mostly to mock over-the-top "macho" characters, Coelasquid has said that she likes drawing this body type.
- Coelasquid doesn't care much for Chuck Norris Jokes, but LOVES Marlon Brando.
- If you follow her Tumblr, you can see that many MGDMT strips are based around whatever Coelasquid was playing/watching/reading that week.
- Author Tract: A couple.
- Awesome McCoolname: Commander Badass. Not that he uses the second part much.
- As a lab-grown generic-space-future soldier, his actual designation is a seventy-five digit serial number ending in "B52", which got him the moniker of Rock Lobster.
- Badass: Most of the characters. Usually parodied (often in a deconstructive fashion) - the premise of the comic is to show how this character trait isn't exactly the best way to deal with Real Life.
- Baby Talk: Jared, whenever talking to Mr. Fish. Most apparent in this page:
Jared: Roll over! Roll over, Mr. Fish! Mr. Rolly Fish! Mr. Rolly Polly Fish!
- Batter Up: Jared does this with Mr. Fish until he evolves.
- Beauty Is Never Tarnished: Subverted. Bishie Commander and Gackht are both bloodied and swollen before an out of control Mr. Fish Hyper Beams the walls down.
- Be Careful What You Wish For: Zordon wanted "Five teenagers with attitude." The Commander got him just that.
- Berserk Button:
- Commander Badass worships Marlon Brando. No, we mean literally worships Marlon Brando. Do not mention Chuck Norris in his earshot.
- The Commander is extremely proud of his charcoal and wood barbequing abilities. Don't imply he uses propane.
- There's a very short list of things they can have around Kratos, and half of the things on it have been scratched off. This includes, but is not limited to: Roombas, LOLCats, frozen yogurt, and in one memorable instance, bubble tea.
- Beware the Nice Ones: It turns out that Canada's niceness as a whole is just an act to throw people off. According to Coelasquid, Canadian Guy is a Palette Swap for Commander Badass, which has the unexpected result making him look like her dad.
- Big Bad: Gackt is the Big Bad of the Nomura Syndrome arc.
- Bigger Bad: Commander Badass' own superiors from the future. They ordered Gackt to inflict Bishonen Nomura Syndrome on Badass and his friends because hulking musclemen like Badass are obsolete in the future.
- Big Creepy-Crawlies: Commander Badass spent "two tours 'a duty on th' Millipede Planet in millipede season". Where being surrounded and often covered by literally thousands of millipedes a day left him with a phobia of millipedes.
- Bishonen Line: There's always an ULTIMATE Ultimate form waiting!
- Body Horror:
- A Boy and His X: Jared and Mr. Fish (his Gyarados).
- Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick: Jared's list of what he feeds Mr Fish includes, among wildly varied but normal foodstuffs, vagrants and stray cats.
- Brick Joke:
- Call Back: When Mr. Fish learns Hyper Beam, we see that he still remembers how to roll over.
- Cerebus Retcon:
- Commander Badass's original off-the-cuff joke that he and his fellow generic-space-future soldiers are "cloned from American soil and steak" turns out to make light of a rather grim future in which artificially created soldiers are custom-built to sell "War Is Glorious" propaganda and fight pointless wars against enemies whose only offense is to look evil. It's all a way to keep generic-space-future recruitment high and prevent generic-space-future military budgets from being slashed.
- The "explosion picture" becomes a bit less funny once you realize that they may have done that for just such reasons.
- Canadian Guy. To Commander's chagrin.
- Jared, which Commander actually lampshades at one point.
- Colonel Badass: Commander Badass, more specifically.
- Combat Pragmatist: Commander Badass, as seen here.
Commander: Import'nt t' draw that fine line between fightin' dirty an' fightin' stupid.
- Compensating for Something: Used as an insult at Dante and his BFS here.
- Cool Car: The Commander has a red old-fashioned 1958 Chevrolet muscle car, which we occasionally see. It was even used to transport Mr. Fish around once, because Jared didn't carry any Poké Balls.
- Crowning Music of Awesome: Discussed when Jared puts on "Any Way You Want It" as the soundtrack for the first fight of an arc.
Commander: That's a straight-up end credits song, gotta hang ont' it for th' victory lap. Do something like "Wheel in th' Sky."
- Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Jared. He's irresponsible, overly childish, and has an incredibly short attention span. He is, however, an incredibly competent trainer, taking excellent care of Mr. Fish and able to capture hundreds of Magnemites and Magnetrons without any pokeballs, and has earned the respect of the Manly Men around him by being an incredibly competent PA in spite of his lack of manliness.
- Crying Little Kid: Commander's kids do not take the transformation well.
- Cursed with Awesome: Nomura Syndrome turns Marv into a young Marlon Brando lookalike. Needless to say he's pretty excited about it... until he has a chat with Johnny Bravo and realizes that maybe looks aren't everything, after all.
- Damage Cap: Every punch thrown in the Commander vs Gackt battle does 9999 damage.
- Dark and Troubled Past: Defied- the Commander's superiors attempt to invoke this trope by letting him (falsely) believe his entire family was dead for two years. But instead of getting dark and broody (like Batman), he decides to hire a therapist. And a lawyer.
- Dark-Skinned Blonde: Commander Badass.
- Deconstructive Parody: Of many video game and masculinity tropes.
- Designer Babies: Commander Badass mentions that in the future, soldiers are synthesized from steak and American soil.
- Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: Commander Badass actually got AM from I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream to leave GLaDOS alone after they broke up.
- Doting Parent: Commander Badass adores his two kids.
- Double Standard: Duke Nukem (of all people) has a problem with it when he's not allowed to play "Capture The Babe" (here). He points out he's allowed to hit Marcus Fenix without a problem but people get angry when women get slapped. The Commander shows that there isn't really a double standard when dressing Fenix up as the Babe would cause people to complain as well (namely, Fenix himself).
Duke: Yeah, I can see people complaining about this.
Fenix: I'M complaining about this.
- Dude Looks Like a Lady: The bishonen versions of Sten, Ganondorf, and Sandor Clegane are very effeminate and almost appear to be dressed in drag.
- Dumbass Has a Point:
- Easily Forgiven: Now granted, given the circumstances behind it it was technically a Mercy Kill, but still, Simon Belmont brushed off Jonesy putting an arrow through his neck with the reasoning that it wasn't the first time it happened and Romania has good healthcare.
- Equippable Ally: Jared used Mr. Fish to bludgeon other trainers' Pokemon until it evolved into a Gyarados.
- Everyone Calls Him Barkeep: The main character is generally just known as "Commander". Justified because his name actually is "Commander Badass." Yes, his name was legally changed, no, it was not his idea.
- Expy: Lampshaded; all the possible expies of Snake from Escape from New York are kept in the aptly named "Kurt Locker".
- Extreme Omnisexual: Coelasquid's Warden "had sexually harassed his entire team by the end of the game" and is first seen in a half-naked pile of various genders and species after stealing Sten's clothes.
- Facial Horror: What one woman suffers after Kenshiro rapid-fire punches her. Her face then snaps back to normal a second later, completely undamaged. And somehow, she's full. As in not hungry anymore.
- Fantastic Racism: Link tells Ganondorf that all Gerudo are dirty thieves. Okay, most of them are, but Link called him that after smashing Ganondorf's flowerpots in search of rupees.
- Solas goes on an extended rant about how the Qunari are savages that are only kept in-check by their totalitarian faith... right before telling Stan the Inquisitor that he respects him. Stan isn't sure how to take the compliment.
- Coelasquid's (Dalish) Warden is apparently a racist, but that doesn't stop him from sleeping with everything.
- Five-Token Band: The Commander's old squad.
- Flat "What.": Jared's reaction when his bean dip begins talking to him.
- Fluffy the Terrible: Mr. Fish.
- Forceful Kiss: When the Commander kisses Jonesy in this strip.
- Foreshadowing: The Commander's name is hinted as early as in this strip.
- Formally Named Pet: Jared has a pet Gyarados named Mr. Fish.
- Four-Fingered Hands: Commander Badass in this old concept art◊, although never in the comic itself.
- Freudian Excuse: Implied here.
- Friend to All Children:
- The Future: Commander Badass is, in his own words, from a "nondescript spacefuture."
- Goggles Do Nothing:
- Going Commando: The Commander, appropriately.
- Good Parents:
- Grievous Harm with a Body: Mr. Fish's (or rather, Jared's) primary attack before Mr. Fish evolved from Magikarp to Gyarados. Now that he's too big to be swung as a blunt weapon, Mr. Fish mostly just eats his enemies.
- Stan the Inquisitor decides to recruit Movran the Under, the goat-chucking Avvar chieftain to his party so that he can toss goats at dragons. When that doesn't work, he has Dagna magically enchant the goats with elemental damage.
- Hand Wave: The... difficulties... surrounding the Mysterious Affair of the Omanyte and the Time-Travellers were tidily resolved in a manner that shall probably remain a Noodle Incident forever.
- Herbivores Are Friendly: Subverted.
- Heroes Want Redheads: Commander Badass' ex wife had red hair, and his new girlfriend Sarah has auburn hair.
- Hitler's Time Travel Exemption Act: Commander Badass is actually a member of the Navy TIALS (TIme Air Land Sea), an elite group of time travelers founded in the future to hop through time righting wrongs, some of which aren't righted, for whatever reason. While they haven't done anything to Hitler (besides punching him in the face), Commander Badass was once sent to Vietnam twice. Once to try and win it for America, and a second time to stop himself from succeeding, because a world without the Rambo movies is just too bizarre to contemplate.
- Ho Yay:
- I Have Brothers: Ganondorf credits his mastery of Compressed Hair to his large numbers of sisters. Which is itself a reference to The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, in which he was the only son born to the all-female Gerudo tribe in 100 years.
- I Know Mortal Kombat: Jared insists his high Call of Duty scores make him an expert marksman. He doesn't know anything about how to actually hold a gun.
- Improvised Weapon: Jared, much to his delight, finds out that picking up your otherwise-useless Magikarp and using its infamous thickness to brain rival Pokemon to death isn't technically illegal.
- I'm Standing Right Here:
Well, one day I had to wake up and realize Fenris was probably the closest I would ever get to scoring with a Qunari [...] It's kind of like promising yourself a triple chocolate cake and settling for a funsize Snickers. Fenris:
Come on, I'm right here. Fem!Hawke:
You heard me.
- Inelegant Blubbering: The commander does this as a very realistic response to being told by his commanding officer that all his siblings were dead, and requests a therapist to help him cope. The commanding officer berates him for not bottling his emotions up and becoming a brooding anti-hero like Batman.
- The author has said in the commentary for this page that she considers characters who show and deal's with their emotions are more badass than those that bottle them up and try to look cool.
- Involuntary Shapeshifter: Nier, who unwillingly shapeshifts from his gruff old Papa Wolf form seen in the western version of his game to the Bishonen version seen in the Japanese version.
- It Runs on Nonsensoleum: Time travel works best if you don't think about it too hard.
- I Regret Nothing: Jared, after The Commander regrets trusting him with a power washer.
- Just Eat Him: Jared's approach to Pokémon battling after Mr. Fish evolved. This got him kicked out of Pokémon League.
- Kavorka Man: The trope is discussed between Jonesy, Marv, the Commander, and Kratos. Marv is convinced the trope is bullshit. Jonesy tries to convince him that it's not, and he could be one if he had better self-esteem. The Commander's only argument is "Kratos gets girls."
Kratos: Stop using me as an example.
Commander: Stop being an example.
- Kid with the Leash: Jared.
- Kleptomaniac Hero: Link, natch.
- Know When to Fold 'Em: The "Gay Chicken" contest between Kratos and Leonidas ends when Leonidas surrenders so he can go back to his wife and son.
- Limited Wardrobe:
- Literary Allusion Title: Coelasquid recently confirmed that the title is an allusion to Soccer Practice.
- Long List: "Things we can have around Kratos", complete with several things crossed out.
- Mr Fish's diet (basically anything Jared can get his hands on)
- Made Myself Sad: Kratos winds up doing this at the conclusion of "Gay Chicken", when he taunts Leonidas' forfeiture due to his wife and son.
- Madness Mantra: Parodied (and combined with Room Full of Crazy). Jared thinks Jonesy's doing this, but the Commander says that she's just trying to boost her NaNoWriMo count.
- Magic Pants: Everyone who gets infected with the bishonen virus changes their outfit to fit.
- Magikarp Power: Ironically subverted with an actual Magikarp. While Mr. Fish is devastating as a Gyarados, Jared still was able to defeat trainers when it was only a Magikarp. By using it as a club.
- Man in a Bikini: Marcus Fenix, believe it or not, though not by his own choice.
- Man in a Kilt: The Commander, here.
- Manly Tears: It's open mic night, and John Marston teach us badasses have feelings too.
- Averted here after being told his siblings were all dead.
- Marlon Brando:
- Most Writers Are Male: A meta-example, as most users on the site debate back and forth as to Coelasquid's gender. The response is, "Why does it matter?"note
- MS T3k Mantra: An in-universe example. The less you think about the impossibilities of time travel the more effective it is. As they say, a watched cheetah never bevels. Whereas when you start specifically trying to work out its causality when you're in mid-transit... things go badly.
Dammit Jones I told you not to think about time travel! Jonesy:
What did I do oh my God what happens when you think about time travel?! Commander: *looking at a rampaging Lord Helix* This does!
- Mundane Solution: Commander Badass went on an epic quest to beat the hell out of Gackt to cure his Nomura Syndrome. In the meantime, Canadian Guy went to the doctor.
- Mundane Utility: The power of time-travel is great for getting yourself a cup of coffee. It's also handy when you owe somebody a mammoth steak. And as it turns out, Kenshiro can immediately satisfy a person's hunger by punching them a lot.
- My Eyes Are Up Here: Between Coelasquid's Grey Warden character and Sten.
- My Future Self and Me: See Stable Time Loop below.
- My Little Panzer: ED-209s. They come in "Authorized to use physical force" or "Loyal as a puppy" versions.
- Never Live It Down:
- No Ontological Inertia: Subverted, the Commander thinks that defeating Gackt will cure Nomura Syndrome. It's pointed out by World-Renowned Pop Star Jung Ji-Hoon that punching someone in the face to make yourself healthy isn't very likely.
- No Sense of Personal Space: Jared, by the author's own words.
- Noodle Incident:
- Roombas, lolcats, and frozen yogurt can't be kept around Kratos.
- Nor can corn flakes.
- Nose Art: The Commander's ex-wife is a pinup girl on his old ship. When asked if they should change it, he refused, saying that just cause they divorced doesn't mean she isn't hot, and besides, she'd be flattered by it. Word of God confirms that yes, she is...especially since the art outlasted his command of the ship.
- Not What I Signed On For: When Mr. Bubbles realizes he actually has to give the children BACK to their parents when daycare is over. Hilarity Ensues.
- Obviously Evil: Like in the games, Lysandre openly monologues about wiping out the filth of society among his peers. No one but Jared seems to actually realize what he's saying.
- OOC Is Serious Business: When the Commander stops dropping his g's, you know you're in trouble.
- One of Us: In-universe:
- One Snake Limit: Utterly averted.
- One-Winged Angel: Gackt. And he keeps doing it again afterwards, because a final boss has to have an ULTIMATE ultimate form.
- Only Sane Man:
- Usually, the Commander. There's a reason why he's able to reign in all the psychos and badasses of the Temp Agency (aside from his own combat skill, of course)...
- Jared, in comparison to other people in his homeland.
- Original Generation: Commander Badass, Jones, Canadian Guy and Jared (sort of).
- Palette Swap: Canadian guy looks exactly like the Commander, but with black hair, plaid vest, and unshaved.
- Parental Substitute: Commander Badass is doing better job being Jared's father part-time than his real father did full-time.
- Perpetual Frowner
- Poe's Law: The very first question on the comic's About page is about which game Commander Badass is from. Despite being a blatant parody of this style of character, it's still easy to mistake him for the genuine article, noting particular similarities to characters like Jack and Simon Belmont.
- Power Incontinence: Mr. Fish can't seem to stop using Hyper Beam.
- The Power of Rock: The fellows from Dragon Age: Origins know that there's only one way◊ to win after all else has failed...
- Press O To Show Off The Better Features Of This Product: The test strip used God of War's cutscene commands... to show Kratos beating in a less-than-sold customer's face against a TV.
- Pyrrhic Victory: Kratos wins at Gay Chicken... because Leonidas wanted to go back to his family. This reminds Kratos that he doesn't have a family anymore, making the victory less than appreciated.
- Rated M for Manly: The Comic.
Commander: If you live yer life right, you reach a state of nirvmana where th' whole universe is in complete recognition of yer masculinity.
- Reality Ensues: Beating up the one who caused your disease will not cure it.
- The commander crying when told his whole family was dead rather than bottling up his emotions to become a dark and brooding avenger like they wanted.
- The initial premise of the series as a whole. Overly masculine testosterone junkies finding difficulties living in a world were not everything is trying to kill them all the time.
- Real Men Wear Pink:
- Recruit Teenagers with Attitude: This strip shows how that plan would really pan out.
- Reference Overdosed: The cast list would qualify this comic alone, but that's not the end of the Shout Outs.
- Relationship Upgrade: The Commander and Jonesy are as of this strip a thing. Maybe. Sort of.
- Rule of Cool: While much of the strip runs on this (as well as Rule of Funny), it's implied that the Rule of Cool may be an actual law in the Commander's time.
- Set Right What Once Went Wrong: Apparently how The Expendables was made.
- Shamu Fu: This is how you make Magikarp useful before the Magikarp Power sets in.
- Sharp Dressed Gerudo: Ganondorf hasn't been depicted in anything other than than a three piece suit with an occasional black overcoat.
- One comic basically equates Kratos's motives with the prom scene in Carrie.
Kratos: That's not how it went...
Commander Badass: That's pretty much exactly how it went.
- In this comic, Jared talks about how his parents still have his Xbox, making a reference to the Xbox 360 kid meme:
Jared: They still have my Xbox! With my save files! And all of my achievements! How am I supposed to show everyone online that I'm beating games without it?
- A later comic references it again, albeit slightly altered.
Commander Badass: How am I s'pposed T' show everyone online I'm beatin' my games if you're th' one doin' it?
- The Halloween strip is basically a huge Shout-Out to A Song of Ice and Fire, with Canadian Guy showing up to work dressed as Robert Baratheon "because he's Canadian Guy."
- Jared got obsessed with Hatoful Boyfriend at one point.
- While infected with the Nomura virus, the Commander sports Kamina's sunglasses.
- At one point in the Nomura Syndrome arc, Commander calls Sarah Indiana Jonesy.
- While visiting Fenris in his sty of a mansion, Fem!Hawke looks into a box of DVDs labeled Rutger Hauer Collection.
- The Commander references Doctor Who as a handwave for how inconsistent time travel is.
Commander Badass: Anyone who watches as much Doctor Who as you do gotta know that technology more 'r less runs on bullshit.
- And while the Commander is away, reality apparently descends into Twitch Plays Pokémon.
- He and Jonesy have some laughs at Guile's expense by syncing his theme music to YouTube videos.
- Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: Commander Badass does not like Canadian Guy.
- Even better, the look on Canadian Guy's face suggests that this isn't the first time this invitation has been extended to him.
- Small Reference Pools: Referenced as the reason that the Commander didn't go as Tywin Lannister for Halloween (the strip was written when Game of Thrones was a middling-famous fantasy series, not a hit TV series).
- Stable Time Loop: The Commander is attacked by himself while he's having coffee. His future self steals his coffee, then disappears. The Commander then proceeds to travel back in time to beat himself up and get his coffee back... Which means he beat himself up for no reason. Although since the comic is titled "We all peacock in our own way," it's pretty obvious why he did it: he was trying to impress Jonesy. That and keeping himself on his toes ("Watch your back and maybe this won't happen, candy-ass!").
- “Stop Having Fun” Guys: In-Universe, Jared's parents consider Pokémon training such Serious Business that they yell at him for being proud of his Gyarados, because Gyarados has a 4x weakness to Electric-type attacks.
- The Swear Jar: Not for swearing, but for saying the word "Epic". According to the that strip's description, there are separate jars for saying "WIN" and "FAIL" as well. Commander's not a big fan of Internet slang. Amusingly, it's almost set up as an actual swear jar (Jared swears in the same sentence he uses "epic"), but then it turns out to be the Epic Jar. Commander later uses the cash to get Jared a new 360.
- Take That:
- Against bishounen boys, and the fans that keep suggesting they appear. Best. Spite comic. Ever. In the commentary, the author notes that the entire comic is also one to overly manly characters that their creators think are badass, but aren't, and that fans who insisted on the bishonen are missing the point.
- It got to the point where it turned into an entire story arc about a bishonen virus turning men into wimps.
- Look, anyone who watches as much Doctor Who as you do gotta know that technology more 're less runs on bullshit.
- Coelasquid was not amused by Lobo's new design not in the least.
- A mild one at Chuck Norris, since Coelasquid would make a much better Memetic Badass. Chuck appeared in the comic once... in his real life, 74-year-old form, and was understandably terrified by Mr. Fish.
- Talking Is a Free Action: The Commander and Jonesy forget that it isn't.
- Testosterone Poisoning: The point of the comic.
- The Precious, Precious Car: Subverted. Commander Badass owns a lovingly restored '58 Chevy. He at one point lends it to Jared, who dents it. Jared freaks out, but the Commander is completely cool with it. He then explains that having a "fixing up" car is no fun if there's nothing on it to fix up.
- The Tetris Effect: Commander Badass's bane is the iPhone.◊
- Throw the Dog a Bone: Marv is the only one enthusiastic about being a bishonen. But then again, he had the luck to turn into a more muscular Marlon Brando whereas everyone else turned into overly feminine pretty-boys.
- Commander Badass is much more concerned with Jared's well-being, and tolerant of his Cloud Cuckoolander tendencies, than Jared's own parents appear to have been.
- Title Drop: Sort of, it's more of a URL-drop◊.
- Trademark Favorite Food: Defied. Sten gets tired of the cookie jokes real fast.
- Tsundere: Invoked in "The Adventures of Tsundere Clegane," in which Sandor "The Hound" Clegane retrieves a Cat Up a Tree while attempting to cover up with invective.
- Uncanny Valley: Discussed here.
- Unexplained Recovery: How did Simon survive getting decapitated by a crossbow bolt? Romania has good healthcare! And "it's not the first time this has happened."
- Unflinching Walk: Commander Badass got to experience one of these with his friends and got it on camera... just before they were blown away by the explosion and were hospitalized for it. He thought it was Worth It.
- Unreliable Narrator: Commander Badass admits you can't be sure that any of what he says is true.
- Unsettling Gender-Reveal: Poison to Jared. Commander's more amazed that Jared honestly thought he had a chance with her, trans* or not.
- Unsound Effect: "TIME!!!"
- Urban Legend of Zelda (In-Universe): Apparently there was a Mew hidden under the truck in Vermilion City!
- The Virus: Nomura Syndrome. Patient zero was Nier. There's also an inverse version of this that Ryu of Breath of Fire II suffers from, as well as a poison that turns Walter into a pony.
- Volt was also born with this since his mother read too many yaoi fanfics while she was pregnant with him. He takes it as a challenge.
- The Voiceless: Pyramid Head. He plays charades with Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees every Wednesday, but nobody ever makes a guess. This bugs the hell out of Commander Badass.
- Troll: Ganondorf's method of fulfilling his narrative and magical requirement to make life difficult for Link, with minimum effort, while leading an otherwise normal and healthy life.
- Watch the Paint Job: When Jared parked the Commander's car after using it to pick up his kids, he accidentally backs into a wall and dents it. The Commander's okay with it though, noting it's an easy fix and the fun's kind of gone if you finish a project car, so you might as well lend it to a teenager once in a while to create a bit more work.
- We Can Rebuild Him: The high command in Commander Badass's space-future do this regularly to their popular artificial soldiers... in order to justify the release of new toy designs. This kind of involuntary, unnecessary surgery is just another reason he prefers to remain in the present day.
- Why Don't You Just Shoot Him?:
- Wine Is Classy: When Miles Edgeworth shows up at the bar to drown his sorrows, he does it with red wine, of course. The Commander orders him a round of Jager shots. Miles is also shown drinking it with Maxamillian Pegasus.
- Wimpification: Parodied with the "bishonen" virus, but it doesn't appear to affect the victim's personality.
- Who Would Be Stupid Enough: Much to Tuxedo Kamen's eternal annoyance, Sailor Moon keeps falling for the most obvious, overtly narrow traps...
- Why Won't You Die?: Commander to Ultimate Ultimate Gackt.
- You Are a Credit to Your Race: Racist Grandpa Solas may eventually come to respect you, but it is hard to respect him back.