Ratso: Yeah, but findin' Section 13 ain't gonna be as easy as snatchin' the talisman out of some sleepin' kid's hand. Valmont:Did that occur before or afterChan chucked the bus?note Valmont's mooks had originally told him that they had to fight Jackie for the talisman and that he threw a bus at them.
"What rock...is the legless reptile under?"
Why does Tohru make his Heel-Face Turn at the end of season one? Jackie told him there were doughnuts at Section 13.
Shendu: Allow me. (breathes fire to the Enforcers)
Finn: That's plenty!
Ratso: Much obliged.
After Jackie is split in half by the tiger talisman, Uncle tells them to put the two halves together so they can turn back into one Jackie. Both Jackies refuse. Dark Jackie doesn't want to share a body with a wimp and Light Jackie hates Dark Jackie's lack of manners (He burps without saying "excuse me"!). Since they both disobeyed him, Uncle gives them his trademark two fingered strike and then Dark Jackie returns the favor. The two start hitting each other as Light Jackie and Jade watch dumbfounded.
In "Shell Game", Shendu is furious of how the Rabbit Talisman is taken with the turtle so he started breathing fire at him and Tohru. The latter remarks, "Whoa! I did not know he could do that."
In a season 2 episode, Finn tries to start his own crime syndicate and holds auditions for henchmen. Everyone's pathetic except for a skilled swordsman...except he has a fear of mice. The joke was recycled in season 5 with Dragon finding some henchmen of his own with the same results even having a man who can destroy a refrigerator in a few punches only to be scared of flies. As a bonus, Valmont shows up but immediately gets rejected by Drago.
This exchange between Tohru and Hak Foo in Season Two.
Hak Foo: Yin-Yang, the power of balance! You will be unable to knock me ov-
Tohru:NYAR! *headbutts him* Spiritual balance, Hak FOOL.
Which is immediately followed by...
Uncle: *kicks Hak Foo away without even looking at him* YOU ARE BLOCKING MY LIGHT!
Uncle is a gold-mine for these.
Uncle: The hand is quicker than the eye
(Slow Motion as Uncle moves his hands about. Uncle kicks mook in the face)
Uncle: But you should have been watching the foot.
Another Tohru and Hak Foo exchange.
Hak Foo: Minnow wallops whale!
Tohru: I'm sorry, what was that last part?
Hak Foo: I said minnow-
[Tohru charges into Hak Foo knocking Hak Foo into the wall.]
Hak Foo:*Mockingly, yet dazed* What was that last part?
Then there's Jade's Crowning Moment of Funny: Jackie pushes a button on the secret agent's briefcase, which unfolds into a giant glider plane...and promptly flies away, leaving them stranded on the side of a volcano and alerting the mooks to their presence.
Jade: See? This is why we can't buy you nice things.
That whole episode was a hilarious parody of the James Bond series, but by far the funniest of these scenes is when he uses an unconscious secret agent as an Improvised Weapon, going so far as to twirl him around as if he were a Bo staff.
Good Jackie's reaction to being kidnapped and forced into a car:
"Are those seats real leather? (cries) Oh, the poor cows!"
Jackie rescuing Uncle from Hsi Wu from the top of a water tower. At the moment, Hsi Wu is trying to get Uncle to uncurse his broken tail, and his goons have just arrived with Uncle's books, having been sent all the way across town to get them at Uncle's insistence. Uncle notices Jackie coming up behind Hsi Wu, so he delays. ("These are not my reading glasses!") Hsi Wu, finally fed up, is preparing to strike at him when Jackie throws him off the tower.
Jackie: Uncle! Run!
Uncle:(looks to one side, then the other) Where to?
All of "The Chan That Knew Too Much". Especially this bit:
He ends up in their bathroom briefly. "He is privy to our privy!"
Not to mention the Magisters always conveniently finding him as he tries to call for help.
Magister: Thou has fax-ed our insignia!
Jackie: It didn't go through!
Jackie is undercover in prison. When he gets his one phone call:
Jackie: Chinchilla. (Beat) What do you mean, "What's a chinchilla?" That's the password!
Then there's the bit where Jade turns Jackie into a chinchilla with the monkey talisman, just to see what one was.
Later in that episode, Jackie, as per tradition:
Jackie: Jade, stay here.
Jade: Tch...in a prison?
Cue Jackie's frustrated look.
At the end, after they've just beaten the bad guys, the prison guards show up, grab Jackie, and drag him to solitary confinement. Jackie begs for help, only for Jade, Uncle, and Tohru to do a Shrug Take and walk away.
"The Chi Of The Vampire" is non-stop laughter (well, after the introduction of said vampire and how he extracts your chi at least). Some highlights include: Jade switching her chi with Uncle (obtaining certain... abrasive personality traits), and Tohru getting some of Jade's chi (and turning moe - complete with big eyes and exuberant personality). But then, Uncle is bitten and Jade uses her Uncle chi to put a holding spell on him, saying that he cannot move until it is removed.
Jackie: *Approaches the completely still Uncle and leans in close. There is a brief beat and then...*
Uncle: You are DOOMED!
Jade: *In Uncle's duh sort of voice* One more thing! He can still talk.
Tohru: *Crossing arms and pouting* Shoulda put that thing over his mouth.
That's not getting into Uncle's Renfield behavior during the final fight. Jade's discovery that in order to defeat the vampire, he must have a mushroom from a graveyard put into his left sock, and then have said sock thrown into the river (Jackie's reaction: "...you're making this up,") has Uncle lying on the ground completely frozen (with his arms in the most ridiculous position), saying things like "Is that your sock, master?" and begging him to take the others' "delicious chiiiii..." complete with Uncle's slight increase in pitch at the end. Classic!
"Who stuck special parchment to Uncle's face?!"
Any time Hak Foo calls his (or anyone else's) attacks leads to a CMoF, really. For instance, early in Season 2, in Space;
Hak Foo: Tiger Prowls Through... *confused* ...Pudding?
Hak Foo: *in utterly humiliated tone of voice* Bunny flees from vicious jackals! AHHHHH!
Same episode, you see the Shadowkhan reappear, surrounding Jade in the bathroom, only to offer juice, cereal, and a toaster with fresh toast. Seeing them tend to her needs before school's oddly funny because of how unusally innocent the normally serious minions appeared.
The whole spanking sequence, especially since the way Jade initially said it, it sounded like a childish euphemism for kicking ass. Bonus points for two shadowkhan literally kicking Hak Foo's ass to spank him.
Ratso: (he, Chow, and Finn look up excitedly) Where!?
Jade: (steals their map and runs) Duh!
Uncle: Captain Black, your place is too big! I have to walk very far to get to the bathroom!
Valmont's reaction to his freedom from Shendu in The Eighth Door: "WHOOPEE! BOOM SHAKALAKALAKA BOOM SHAKALAKALAKA!!"
In "Curse of El Chupacabra", El Toro Fuerte is transforming into, well, a Chupacabra. So of course, Jackie calls Uncle to help them find a cure. The first thing Uncle does upon arrival? Walk in, drop his bags and begin to bitch about the flight.
Uncle: The flight was late, the food was terrible, the movie had no plot and I had turbulence!"
Every once in awhile, Jackie gets in some excellent snarking.
Shendu: Why the interest in the box Chan? You have sealed the portals.
Jackie: I want a keepsake of our time together.
In "The J Team", when Uncle sees that Tohru and Jade followed him and Jackie to Tibet to fight Shendu and the Dark Hand, Uncle asks who's watching his shop. The scene cuts over to Captain Black sitting in Uncle's library reading a book about chi spells. The episode ends with Captain Black casting a chi spell which turns him into a frog. There's also Jade and Paco's loophole abuse regarding Uncle's orders of watching Jade and the shop and telling everyone else to get out. Jade points out that since she's following Jackie and Uncle to Tibet, it's impossible for Tohru to watch both her and the shop and Paco points out that everyone else left Uncle's shop just as he requested.
During "Demon World, Part II", this exchange between El Toro and Tso Lan:
El Toro: Behold my mastery of *takes a look at the rooster talisman*...pollo!
The fight between the J-Team and the talisman powered Dark Hand in the Tibetan Temple is this and a CMOA. Highlights include:
Ratso using the rabbit talisman to ram into El Toro only for the masked wrestler to step aside and run into a wall.
Upon losing his talismans, Ratso tries borrowing one from Finn who's busy fighting Jackie. Distracted, Jackie and Ratso steal all three of Finn's talismans.
Chow steals the pig talisman from Jackie and tries to use the power of heat beam eye blasts only to destroy his glasses and have difficulty aiming due to his poor eyesight and gets kicked by Viper.
In addition to the Tohru vs. Hak Foo moments already mentioned, Hak Foo tries to attack Tohru with the sheep talisman only to have his astral form phase through Tohru. Tohru uses this an as opportunity to body slam Hak Foo. Upon returning to his body, Hak Foo yells in pain.
With the Dark Hand defeated, Jackie rejoices that he has all the talismans, only for Uncle to scream "TALISMANS ARE NOT IMPORTANT!", and tell everyone the story of the eight demon sorcerers and that states that it's a good thing Shendu was unable to steal the Panku Box, only for Jade to inform Uncle that Shendu did steal the Panku Box at which point Uncle unleashes a drawn out "AYAH!".
Viper's reaction to Jade turning up in the Christmas episode:
Viper: "You brought an elf to a Hanukkah party?"
In the episode with the clones, they're trying to find out which Jackie is the real one, and Captain Black asks, "Jackie, when's my birthday?" Neither Jackie knows, and Captain Black gets upset and says, "Jeez, Jackie, I thought we were pretty close!"
After that, Jackie's clone escapes but Captain Black reassures them since he planted a tracking device on the clone and sees a blinking red light on Jackie's shirt and realizes he tagged the wrong Jackie.
In the Cold Opening to 'Viva Las Jackies', the Chan Family's background antics behind Daolong Wong. "Ay-aaah!"
When Finn, Ratso, and Chow see 2-headed Jackie, Finn says "Whoa, and I thought we looked freaky."
In the Christmas episode, Jade thinks Santa is fake, just like the tooth fairy. Cue flashback to Jackie trying to slip a dollar underneath Jade's pillow only to get caught presumably because Jade pretended to be asleep.
When Finn, Ratso, and Chow state why they were unable to defeat Jackie and acquire the Nobel Rat, Finn is the only one who has a legitimate excuse.
Finn: Chan has a masked crimefighter with him.
Chow: The sun was in our eyes!
Ratso: I need a bigger hammer.
Dalong Wong: Excuses, excuses, excuses!
An Oni mask gets broken in half, with one of them sticking to Valmont and the other to Jade. She tries to resist the murderous impulse of her Oni half.
...[Jackie's] brain's starting to get smelly.
Captain Black: (Re: an Evil Twin) "Let's go kick my butt."
How about in the clip show episode when things really start to speed up?
Jade: I think I'm gonna hurl.
Uncle: Uncle becoming very dizzy...
Tarakudo has a psychic battle with Egbert, and in case you are wondering, Egbert is a rooster with the rooster talisman.
Perhaps the only thing that makes it funnier is that he struggles with the whole battle and has to win through a cheap shot.
Drago berating the Ice Crew for losing to the heroes in a flower shop.
Drago: Was that a joke back there? Did I hire clowns? I give you powers beyond your wildest imagination, and you amateurs can't get past an archeologist, a tub of guts, an old man, and a little girl?!
In order to reseal some evil mirror spirits that have infected them, Uncle instructs Jackie and Jade to retrieve some moss from the top of a statue. Jackie climbs his way up and notices that Jade beat him to the top. Jade points out there were trams that allowed tourists to reach the top of the statue. Jackie face plants.
Then at the end, glass objects are needed to reseal the Mirror Spirits so Jackie takes out a flashlight, Uncle takes off his glasses and Tohru takes out his mother's compact makeup mirror and gets some stares from Jackie and Uncle and states his mother left it behind during her last visit.
In one of the later episodes, the J-Team participates in a humiliating game show in order to win a MacGuffin. Jade gains a rivalry with the other team's youngest member... Who develops a crush on her by the end of the episode.
In the Season 5 opener, Drago gives the Enforcers some of his fire demon chi, so they test out their new powers. Ratso's response?
"Hey! I can make grilled cheese sandwiches whenever I want!"