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(Please sort these examples and delete this folder.)
- "What rock... is the legless reptile under?"
- When Uncle first visited Section 13:
Uncle: Captain Black, your place is too big! I have to walk very far to get to the bathroom!
- Never. Mock. The cookie.
- The hilarious comeback in Season 3. "Never. Mock. The sock."
- On a plane in-fight, Jade kicks a man, knocking him unconscious.
Jade: "I'm Jackie Chan... and you're the pilot."
- Uncle is a gold-mine for these.
Uncle: The hand is quicker than the eye(Slow Motion as Uncle moves his hands about. Uncle kicks mook in the face)Uncle: But you should have been watching the foot.
- Another Tohru and Hak Foo exchange.
Hak Foo: Minnow wallops whale!Tohru: I'm sorry, what was that last part?Hak Foo: I said minnow-[Tohru charges into Hak Foo knocking Hak Foo into the wall.]Hak Foo: *Mockingly, yet dazed* What was that last part?
The Dark Hand
- Uncle tells Jackie "One more thing!" for over a full minute, with Jackie becoming increasingly irritated with every repetition.
Uncle: Also, your sister from Hong Kong is sending your niece, Jade. She is not doing well in school recently.Jackie: Okay Uncle. (beat) I have a niece?!
- When Captain Black tells Jackie that their current location must remain secret, Jackie responds like this:
- When Jade breaks into Section 13, Captain Black only has this to say:
Captain Black: Would someone care to tell me how our security was penetrated by a child?
- Also, when Valmont has Tohru punish his Enforcers for their failure, you can see him casually checking his manicure.
- A running gag through this episode is Jackie trying to get somewhere, only for somebody to beat him there. When asked on how they got there, they all respond in a deadpan tone.
Jade/Black/Tohru: The stairs.
- Jackie forces Jade to apologize for creating a disturbance in the restaurant.
Jackie: My niece is very sorry. (picks up Jade) Aren't you?Jade: I am such a dork.
- This interaction between Ratso and Jackie, when they were still new to each other:
Ratso: Chan!Jackie: You! Uh... Dark Hand guy!
- There was a nice moment when Jackie defeats Ratso's crane and confronts him directly.
Ratso: (raises arms) Uncle!Jackie: Where? (looks around in panic)
- Shendu is furious of how the Rabbit Talisman is taken with the turtle, so he started breathing fire at Tohru.
"Whoa! I did not know he could do that."
- This dialogue:
- While Captain Black is with the (Shendu-possessed) Jade at Melvin World:
Guy in Moose Costume: Okay, now smiiiile for the camera!Possessed Jade: Soon I will devour your soul.Guy in Moose Costume: (Gasps and sobs)
- Jackie trying to prove to Captain Black that Jade (who was possessed by Shendu at the moment) is "evil". Jackie's expressions and gestures make it even better.
Jackie: I'll prove it to you! (Beat, then he grabs a guy in a Melvin Moose costume) WHAT'S THE MOOSE'S NAME?! THE NAME?!Shendu (in Jade's body): Urgh...Jade (in astral form): I'll give ya a hint. Another word for wedgie.Jackie: You can't name it, can you?! (Pushes moose away) You're evil, YOU'RE EVIL!
- After the Enforcers returned from an unsuccessful Talisman in the Arctic:
Finn: Big V, think you can turn up the heat?Shendu: Allow me. (Breathes fire at the Enforcers)Finn: That's plenty!Ratso: Much obliged.
- The scene where Hak Foo acquires the Pig Talisman, and begins yelling "Heat Beam Eye Blasts!" every five seconds.
- The best part is the first time he says it, before looking at the Talisman and looking completely befuddled.
Hak Foo: "Heat Beam Eye Blasts! ... Heat-beam eye blasts?"
- The best part is the first time he says it, before looking at the Talisman and looking completely befuddled.
- Speaking of Hak Foo, we have this gem:
Hak Foo: "Angry crow takes flight!" (jumps at Uncle)Uncle: "Thank you for sharing, angry crow!"
- Hak Foo gets apt revenge seconds later.
Hak Foo: "Elephant thrusts its leg!" (floors Uncle with a punch) "I meant fist."
- Hak Foo gets apt revenge seconds later.
- The episode opens with Jackie popping up from behind a table of pies, jabbing repeatedly at them with a fork. In the most concerned voice with a haunted expression, he says 'The Tiger Talisman is inside one of these pies.' The utterly troubled way he says it coupled with the absurdity of such a situation which is never explained is hilarious.
- After Jackie is split in half by the Tiger Talisman, Uncle tells them to put the two halves together, so they can turn back into one Jackie. Both Jackies refuse. Dark Jackie doesn't want to share a body with a wimp, and Light Jackie hates Dark Jackie's lack of manners (He burps without saying "excuse me"!). Since they both disobeyed him, Uncle gives them his trademark two-fingered strike, and then Dark Jackie returns the favor. The two start hitting each other as Light Jackie and Jade watch dumbfounded.
- Light Jackie's reaction to being kidnapped and forced into a car:
"Are those seats real leather?" (cries) "Oh, the poor cows!"
- Why does Tohru make his Heel–Face Turn at the end of Season 1? Jackie told him there were free doughnuts at Section 13.
- Though of course, the other reason was that Valmont almost got Tohru killed by Shendu.
- When Uncle sees that Tohru and Jade followed him and Jackie to Tibet to fight Shendu and the Dark Hand, Uncle asks who's watching his shop. The scene cuts over to Captain Black sitting in Uncle's library, reading a book about chi spells.
- The episode ends with Captain Black accidentally turning himself into a frog.
- The fight between the J-Team and the Talisman-powered Dark Hand in the Tibetan Temple is both this and an Awesome Moment. Highlights include:
Hak Foo: "Yin-Yang, the power of balance! You will be unable to knock me ov-"Tohru: "NYAR!" (Headbutts him) "Spiritual balance, Hak FOOL."
- Ratso using the Rabbit Talisman to ram into El Toro, only for the masked wrestler to step aside, and he runs into a wall.
- Upon losing his Talismans, Ratso tries borrowing one from Finn, who's busy fighting Jackie. Distracted, Jackie and Ratso steal all three of Finn's Talismans.
- Chow steals the Pig Talisman from Jackie, and tries to use the power of eye beams, only to destroy his glasses and have difficulty aiming due to his poor eyesight, and he gets kicked down by Viper.
- This exchange between Tohru and Hak Foo (who has the Tiger Talisman):
Uncle: (Kicks Hak Foo away without even looking at him) "YOU ARE BLOCKING MY LIGHT!"
- Which is immediately followed by...
- In addition to that, Hak Foo tries to attack Tohru with the Sheep Talisman, only to have his astral form phase through Tohru. Tohru uses this an as opportunity to body slam Hak Foo. Upon returning to his body, Hak Foo yells in pain.
- With the Dark Hand defeated, Uncle states that it's a good thing Shendu was unable to steal the Pan'ku Box; only for Jade to inform Uncle that Shendu did steal the Pan'ku Box, at which point Uncle unleashes a drawn out "AIYAH!".
- El Toro Fuerte is transforming into, well, a Chupacabra. So of course, Jackie calls Uncle to help them find a cure. The first thing Uncle does upon arrival? Walk in, drop his bags, and begin to bitch about the flight.
Uncle: The flight was late, the food was terrible, the movie had no plot, and I had turbulence!"
- Jackie is undercover in prison. When he gets his one phone call, he contacts Uncle and tells him that he's in prison. Uncle (not knowing about the undercover operation) berates Jackie about it.
Uncle: "You are in prison?! You are a terrible influence on Jade!"
- Later in the episode, Jackie, as per tradition:
Jackie: "Jade, stay here."Jade: "Tch... in a prison?"(Cue Jackie's frustrated look.)
- At the end, after they've just beaten the bad guys, the prison guards show up, grab Jackie, and drag him to solitary confinement. Jackie begs for help, only for Jade, Uncle, and Tohru to do a Shrug Take and walk away.
- When Jade is surrounded by the Enforcers:
Jade: "Hey look, The Three Stooges!"Ratso: (He, Chow, and Finn look up excitedly) "Where?!"Jade: (Steals their map and runs) "Duh!"
- When Hak Foo chases Jade into an alley:
Jade: Help! Anybody!(Shadowkhan appear)Jade: Shadowkhan... oh no oh no oh no...Hak Foo: (Smirks, then advances toward Jade)(Shadowkhan block him)Hak Foo: Huh?Hak Foo: (in utterly humiliated tone of voice) Bunny flees from vicious jackals! AAAAAH!
- After returning back, Hak Foo tells them about it, but no one believes him until Shendu decides to call the Shadowkhan.
Shendu: Come, minions! (cue to lightning effect but no Shadowkhan appear) Minions? (looks around in confusion)Valmont: It would seem you have lost your touch, Shendu!Shendu: I HAVE NOT LOST MY TOUCH!!!
- After that, you see the Shadowkhan reappear, surrounding Jade in the bathroom, only to offer juice, cereal, and a toaster with fresh toast. Seeing them tend to her needs before school is oddly funny, because of how unusually innocent the normally serious minions appeared.
- The second time when Finn and his friends try to steal the book. Finn enters as a wealthy art collector, while the others dig a hole to snatch back the book. After retrieving the book, Finn's 'cover' was blown when his pillow drops down but as he leaves, Uncle didn't notice it, and he even blames Jackie and Tohru:
Uncle: (whacking them with a pillow after they just arrived with tea) YOU ARE BOTH VERY BAD SALESMEN!!!
- Jade ordering her Shadowkhan to spank the Enforcers, especially since the way she initially said it, it sounded like a childish euphemism for kicking ass. Bonus points for two Shadowkhan literally kicking Hak Foo's ass to spank him.
Jade: GIVE THEM A SPANKING!
- Jade asking Jackie if she can keep her Shadowkhan, as if she brought in a stray dog:
Jade: So, can I keep them?Jackie: No, Jade.Jade: Awww. Why not?Jackie: Because you're turning blue.Jade: Blue's my favorite color, besides you gave Tohru a chance.Jackie: Tohru is human.
- While Hak Foo is fighting Jackie in outer space:
Hak Foo: Tiger Prowls Through... (confused) ...Pudding?
- Also, when the astronaut chimp steals the Pan'ku Box:
Hak Foo: Flying Monkey Snatches Magic Box?!
- Also, when the astronaut chimp steals the Pan'ku Box:
- Jackie pushes a button on Agent Tag's briefcase, which unfolds into a giant glider plane... and promptly flies away, leaving him and Jade stranded on the side of a volcano, and alerting the mooks to their presence.
Jade: See? This is why we can't buy you nice things.
- The whole episode was a hilarious parody of the James Bond series, but by far the funniest of these scenes is when Jackie uses an unconscious Agent Tag as an Improvised Weapon, going so far as to twirl him around as if he were a Bo staff.
- Likewise, the villain getting tired of his Death Dealer henchman's card puns.
- Jackie rescuing Uncle from Hsi Wu from the top of a water tower. At the moment, Hsi Wu is trying to get Uncle to un-curse his severed tail, and his goons have just arrived with Uncle's books, having been sent all the way across town to get them at Uncle's insistence. Uncle notices Jackie coming up behind Hsi Wu, so he delays. ("These are not my reading glasses!") Hsi Wu, finally fed up, is preparing to strike at him, when Jackie throws him off the tower.
Jackie: Uncle, run!Uncle: (looks to one side, then the other) Where to?
- Every once in awhile, Jackie gets in some excellent snarking.
Shendu: Why the interest in the box Chan? You have sealed the portals.Jackie: I want a keepsake of our time together.
- Valmont's reaction to finally getting Shendu expelled from his body:
"WHOOPEE! BOOM SHAKA-LAKA-LAKA, BOOM SHAKA-LAKA-LAKA!"
- After Shendu uses the Book of Ages so that he and his brethren can continue ruling Earth, what he does after his conquest is hilariously petty: he keeps all the humans he knew and hated from the previous timeline as his personal slaves.
- He keeps his arch-nemesis Jackie as a submissive right-hand slave and yes-man (whom Jade compares to "a dog on a leash").
- He forces Jade to trim his toenails, and refill his mud bath, which visibly disgusts her.
- Uncle is his library boy (though he's forbidden from reading any books about magic).
- The entire Dark Hand gang are forced to entertain him as court jesters.
- This exchange between El Toro and Tso Lan:
El Toro: Behold my mastery of (takes a look at the Rooster Talisman) ...pollo!
- Later, the Jackie / El Toro Running Gag evolves to the point that Jade and Paco are arguing through the Book of Ages itself in making their respective idol the greatest. Each time, they grow proportionally larger than the other, while everyone just watches on awkwardly.
- Finn's dream sequence about the Dark Hand starting a rock band, only to get beaten up by Jackie anyway.
Finn: But... we're not even doing anything wrong!Jackie: You are off-key. (punch)
- Finn decides that he's had enough of being in the Dark Hand, so he tries to start his own gang. He holds auditions for henchmen, but everyone's pathetic except for a skilled swordsman... except he has a fear of mice.
- This bit:
Magister: Thou knoweth too much!Jackie: NO WE DON'T!
- He ends up in their bathroom briefly.
"He is privy to our privy!"
- Not to mention the Magisters always conveniently finding him as he tries to call for help.
Magister: Thou has faxed our insignia!Jackie: It didn't go through!
- The chi vampire drains chi from three of the four protagonists, and two of them get "chi transplants", so their personalities are all mixed up;
Jackie: (Approaches the completely still Uncle and leans in close. There is a brief beat and then...)Uncle: "You are DOOMED!"Jackie: "AUGH!"Jade: (In Uncle's tone of voice) "One more thing! He can still talk."Tohru: (Crossing arms and pouting) "Shoulda put that thing over his mouth!"
- Tohru gets some of Jade's chi, causing him to act very childish and energetic like Jade. His eyes get really wide as well.
- Jade gets some of Uncle's chi, causing her to act grouchy and bookish, and she even starts speaking with Uncle's thick accent.
- Uncle gets drained without receiving a chi transplant, so he turns into an evil vampiric slave. So Jade has to use an enchanted note of paper to restrain him, saying that he cannot move until it is removed.
- That's not getting into Uncle's Renfield behavior during the final fight. Jade's discovery that in order to defeat the vampire, he must have a mushroom from a graveyard put into his left sock, and then have said sock thrown into the river (Jackie's reaction: "...you're making this up,") has Uncle lying on the ground completely frozen (with his arms in the most ridiculous position), saying things like "Is that your sock, master?" and begging him to take the others' "delicious chiiiii..." complete with Uncle's slight increase in pitch at the end. Classic!
Uncle: "Who stuck special parchment to Uncle's face?!"
- After everyone is back to normal:
- While Uncle is attempting to find and retrieve the missing Jackie (who actually shrunk down to a tiny size, but everyone thinks he disappeared to another dimension), he accidentally summons a strange green monster instead:
Uncle: "This antidote will release from detention, he who is trapped in another dimension!"(Uncle uses a potion to open up a portal, which releases a short green monster)Jade: "Uh... Jackie?"Monster: "It's just me, but thank you ever so kindly for freeing me from that beastly limbo!"Uncle: "Not Jackie!"(Tohru walks in with a tray of fresh cookies)Monster: "Mmmm, lunch!"Tohru: "Uh, cookie?"Monster: (Looks menacingly at Jade) "What's a... cookie?" (Roars)Uncle: "GO AWAY!"(Uncle banishes the monster back through the portal)Uncle: "We need to try a different spell."Jade: "Ya think?"
Viva Las Jackies
- During the Cold Open, the Chan family's background antics behind Daolon Wong.
- When Uncle yells over the phone at Jackie (not knowing that he's been divided by the power of the Tiger Talisman again) for leaving him in a hotel that couldn't provide him with eel saliva, Jackie's Yang side responds spitefully:
Yang Jackie: "Pull your tongue out of your mouth and wring out the spit."
- When Finn, Ratso, and Chow see 2-headed Jackie:
Finn: "Whoa, and I thought we looked freaky."
- When Finn, Ratso, and Chow state why they were unable to defeat Jackie and acquire the Noble Rat, Finn is the only one who has a legitimate excuse.
Finn: "Chan has a masked crime-fighter with him." noteChow: "The sun was in our eyes!"Ratso: "I need a bigger hammer."Dalon Wong: "Excuses, excuses, excuses!"
- When hunting for the Noble Snake, the J-Team faces the return of Tohru's mother, and the renewal of her and Uncle's rivalry.
Uncle: "'Too much garlic', Uncle knew you were vampire!"
- Jade thinks Santa Claus is fake, just like the Tooth Fairy. Cue flashback to Jackie trying to slip a dollar underneath Jade's pillow only to get caught, presumably because Jade pretended to be asleep.
- Viper's reaction to Jade turning up at her place:
Viper: "You brought an elf to a Hanukkah party?"
- Tohru is Subbing for Santa and at the first house...
Kid: (offscreen) "DADDY! A fake Santa is eating Santa's cookies!"
- After Hak Foo became a Dark Chi Warrior:
Hak Foo: Meteor Brings Mass Extinction!Hak Foo: Tornado Desecrates Trailer Park!
- When they're trying to find out which Jackie is the real one, and which one is the clone, and Captain Black asks, "Jackie, when's my birthday?" Neither Jackie knows, and Captain Black gets upset and says, "Jeez, Jackie, I thought we were pretty close!"
- After that, Jackie's clone escapes, but Captain Black reassures them since he planted a tracking device on the clone, but he sees a blinking red light on Jackie's shirt, and realizes he tagged the wrong Jackie.
The Amazing T-Troop
- Tarakudo has a telekinesis battle with Eggbert. In case you are wondering, Eggbert is a rooster with the Rooster Talisman.
- Perhaps the only thing that makes it funnier is that he struggles with the whole battle, and has to win through a cheap shot.
- After Captain Black is split by the Tiger Talisman, Good Black has to stop Evil Black (who's still possessed by an Oni Mask).
Good Black: (to Jade) "Let's go kick my butt."
- The Ikazuki Mask's awkward attempts at finding a host to attach himself to. He ends up being placed on Finn... on Finn's butt, to be exact.
- An Oni Mask gets broken in half, with one of them sticking to Valmont, and the other to Jade. She tries to resist the murderous impulse of the Oni:
Jade: (to Jackie) ...Your brain's starting to smell yummy.
- After all of Hak Foo's efforts, he finally gets an Oni Mask and summons his Shadowkhan, anticipating mighty demon ninjas... and gets a bunch of the tiniest, most adorable evil minions ever. His expression when he realizes what he's summoned up is priceless. Of course, as it turns out, they're some of the most terrifying Shadowkhan in the series.
- What motivates Finn, Ratso, and Chow to perform their Heel–Face Turn?
Ratso: We're tired of never making any money!Chow: We're tired of being enslaved by dragons, wizards, and floating demon heads!Finn: But most of all, we're tired of getting our butts kicked...by you.Ratso: It hurts.
- How about when the clip show starts to speed up?
Jade: I think I'm gonna hurl.Uncle: Uncle becoming very dizzy...
- This moment:
"El Toro Fuerte never removes his pants!"
Uncle: (using a paper fortune-teller on Paco) Fortune-teller reveals... You have big crush on Jade!Uncle: (to Captain Black) You want Uncle to cast reversal spell on J-Team, yes? Then you will STOP FOR ICE CREAM!
- No, no, no, here's Uncle:
- Tohru uses the Monkey Talisman to turn two Oni Generals into cute little cats. But Uncle is not pleased for some reason.
Relics of Demons Past
- Drago gives the Enforcers some of his Fire Demon Chi, so they test out their new powers. Ratso's response?
Ratso: "Hey, I can make grilled cheese sandwiches whenever I want!"
- Captain Black tells Jackie about Drago and the Enforcers. Jackie tells Jade to stay in the shop, then gets into the car, only to see that Jade is somehow inside the car, even buckled up in the back seat.
Jade: "Seriously, don't you get tired of saying that?"
- The Chan Clan participate in a humiliating game show, in order to win a MacGuffin containing the Water Demon Chi. Jade gains a rivalry with the other team's youngest member... who develops a crush on her by the end of the episode.
- A recycled joke from "Tough Luck", with Drago trying to find some henchmen of his own, but all the potential recruits are awful. There was one man who could destroy a refrigerator in a few punches, only to be scared of flies. As a bonus, Valmont shows up, but immediately gets rejected by Drago.
- Drago berating the Ice Crew for losing to the heroes in a flower shop.
Drago: Was that a joke back there? Did I hire clowns? I give you powers beyond your wildest imagination, and you amateurs can't get past an archaeologist, a tub of guts, an old man, and a little girl?!
- The evil Mirror Spirits possess our heroes and change them; Uncle becomes mute, Jackie's head grows huge, Jade is turned into a literal Stubborn Mule, and Tohru becomes a giant clone of his mother (with her voice and personality too, thus getting on the silent Uncle's nerves).
- In order to exorcise and reseal the Mirror Spirits, Uncle instructs Jackie and Jade to retrieve some moss from the top of a statue. Jackie climbs his way up, and notices that Jade beat him to the top. Jade points out there were trams that allowed tourists to reach the top of the statue. Jackie face plants.
- Then at the end, glass objects are needed to reseal the Mirror Spirits, so Jackie takes out a flashlight, Uncle takes off his glasses, and Tohru takes out his mother's compact makeup mirror and gets some stares from Jackie and Uncle, and states his mother left it behind during her last visit.
- While a nerdy guy named Larry is transforming into an Earth Demon and decides to become a superhero, he's asked about what he's turning into; he looks up at his horns, and then replies "Super Moose!".
- At the comic convention, Uncle is playing a trading card game against a young boy. Even though he hasn't even played the game before, he somehow aces through the game, and he even uses a magic blowfish card to finish off the kid!
- Valmont shows up for the last time... as a bus driver. When Jackie recognizes him, poor Valmont slinks off. Also heartwarming in an odd way; just like the Enforcers, Valmont has turned over a new leaf, and is now living honestly.