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- In the first episode, when Captain Black tells Jackie that their current location must remain secret, Jackie responds like this:
Captain Black: Would someone care to tell me how our security was penetrated by a child?
- Also, when Valmont has Tohru punish his enforcers for their failure, you can see him casually checking his manicure
- When Jade breaks into Section 13, Captain Black only has this to say:
Jade/Captain Black/Tohru: The stairs.
- A running gag through the first episode is Jackie trying to get somewhere, only for somebody to beat him there. When asked on how they got there, they all respond in a deadpan tone.
Uncle: Also, your sister from Hong Kong is sending your niece, Jade. She is not doing well in school recently.Jackie: Okay Uncle. (beat) I have a niece?!
- The first episode is good with this in general. Uncle tells Jackie "One More Thing" for over a full minute, with Jackie becoming increasingly irritated with every repetition.
- In "Project A, For Astral," Jackie trying to prove to Captain Black that Jade (who was possessed by Shendu at the moment) is "evil." Jackie's expressions and gestures make it even better.
Jackie: I'll prove it to you! (Beat, then he grabs a guy in a Melvin Moose costume) WHAT'S THE MOOSE'S NAME?! THE NAME?!!Shendu: Urgh...Jade (in astral form): I'll give ya a hint. Another word for wedgie.Jackie: You can't name it, can you?! (pushes moose away) You're evil, YOU'RE EVIL!!
Guy in Moose Costume: Ok, now smiiiile for the camera!Possessed Jade: Soon I will devour your soul.Guy in Moose Costume: *gasps* *sobs*
- From the same episode:
- Same episode:
- "What rock...is the legless reptile under?"
- When Uncle first visit Section 13:
Uncle: Captain Black, your place is too big! I have to walk very far to get to the bathroom!
- Why does Tohru make his Heel–Face Turn at the end of season one? Jackie told him there were doughnuts at Section 13.
- Never. Mock. The cookie.
- The hilarious comeback in Season 3. "Never. Mock. The sock."
- On a plane in-fight, Jade kicks a man, knocking him unconscious.
Jade: "I'm Jackie Chan... and you're the pilot."
- The scene where Hak Foo (the king of metaphorical attack names) acquires the pig talisman and begins yelling "Heat-Beam Eye Blasts!" every five seconds.
- The best part is the first time he says it, before looking at the talisman and looking completely befuddled.
Hak Foo: Heat-Beam Eye Blasts! ... Heat-beam eye blasts?
- Speaking of Hak Foo, in his first episode, we have this gem:
Hak Foo: Angry crow takes flight! (jumps at Uncle)Uncle: Thank you for sharing, angry crow!
Hak Foo: Elephant thrusts its leg! (floors Uncle with a punch) I meant fist.
- Hak Foo gets apt revenge seconds later.
- The best part is the first time he says it, before looking at the talisman and looking completely befuddled.
- "Shell Game" had a nice moment when Jackie defeats Ratso's crane and confronts him directly.
Ratso: (raises arms) Uncle!Jackie: Where? (looks around in panic)
Ratso: Chan!Jackie: You! Uh... Dark Hand guy!
- Another interaction between Ratso and Jackie, from "Enter the Viper":
- The episode, "The Rock", has this kind of moment:
Finn: Big V, think you can turn up the heat?Shendu: Allow me. (breathes fire to the Enforcers)Finn: That's plenty!Ratso: Much obliged.
- After Jackie is split in half by the tiger talisman, Uncle tells them to put the two halves together so they can turn back into one Jackie. Both Jackies refuse. Dark Jackie doesn't want to share a body with a wimp and Light Jackie hates Dark Jackie's lack of manners (He burps without saying "excuse me"!). Since they both disobeyed him, Uncle gives them his trademark two fingered strike and then Dark Jackie returns the favor. The two start hitting each other as Light Jackie and Jade watch dumbfounded.
- At the same episode good Jackie's reaction to being kidnapped and forced into a car:
"Are those seats real leather? (cries) Oh, the poor cows!"
- In "Shell Game", Shendu is furious of how the Rabbit Talisman is taken with the turtle so he started breathing fire at him and Tohru. The latter remarks, "Whoa! I did not know he could do that."
- In "The Power Within", Jackie forces Jade to apologize for creating a disturbance in the restaurant.
Jackie: My niece is very sorry. (picks up Jade) Aren't you?Jade: I am such a dork.
- In a season 2 episode, Finn tries to start his own crime syndicate and holds auditions for henchmen. Everyone's pathetic except for a skilled swordsman...except he has a fear of mice. The joke was recycled in season 5 with Dragon finding some henchmen of his own with the same results even having a man who can destroy a refrigerator in a few punches only to be scared of flies. As a bonus, Valmont shows up but immediately gets rejected by Drago.
- This exchange between Tohru and Hak Foo in Season Two.
Hak Foo: Yin-Yang, the power of balance! You will be unable to knock me ov-Tohru: NYAR! *headbutts him* Spiritual balance, Hak FOOL.
Uncle: *kicks Hak Foo away without even looking at him* YOU ARE BLOCKING MY LIGHT!
- Which is immediately followed by...
Uncle: The hand is quicker than the eye(Slow Motion as Uncle moves his hands about. Uncle kicks mook in the face)Uncle: But you should have been watching the foot.
- Uncle is a gold-mine for these.
Hak Foo: Minnow wallops whale!Tohru: I'm sorry, what was that last part?Hak Foo: I said minnow-[Tohru charges into Hak Foo knocking Hak Foo into the wall.]Hak Foo: *Mockingly, yet dazed* What was that last part?
- Another Tohru and Hak Foo exchange.
- The fight between the J-Team and the talisman powered Dark Hand in the Tibetan Temple is this and a CMOA. Highlights include:
- Ratso using the rabbit talisman to ram into El Toro only for the masked wrestler to step aside and run into a wall.
- Upon losing his talismans, Ratso tries borrowing one from Finn who's busy fighting Jackie. Distracted, Jackie and Ratso steal all three of Finn's talismans.
- Chow steals the pig talisman from Jackie and tries to use the power of heat beam eye blasts only to destroy his glasses and have difficulty aiming due to his poor eyesight and gets kicked by Viper.
- In addition to the Tohru vs. Hak Foo moments already mentioned, Hak Foo tries to attack Tohru with the sheep talisman only to have his astral form phase through Tohru. Tohru uses this an as opportunity to body slam Hak Foo. Upon returning to his body, Hak Foo yells in pain.
- With the Dark Hand defeated, Jackie rejoices that he has all the talismans, only for Uncle to scream "TALISMANS ARE NOT IMPORTANT!", and tell everyone the story of the eight demon sorcerers and that states that it's a good thing Shendu was unable to steal the Panku Box, only for Jade to inform Uncle that Shendu did steal the Panku Box at which point Uncle unleashes a drawn out "AYAH!".
- Finn's dream sequence about the Dark Hand starting a band, only to get beaten up by Jackie anyway.
Finn: But...we're not even doing anything wrong!Jackie: You are off-key. *punch*
- Then there's Jade's Crowning Moment of Funny: Jackie pushes a button on the secret agent's briefcase, which unfolds into a giant glider plane...and promptly flies away, leaving them stranded on the side of a volcano and alerting the mooks to their presence.
Jade: See? This is why we can't buy you nice things.
- That whole episode was a hilarious parody of the James Bond series, but by far the funniest of these scenes is when he uses an unconscious secret agent as an Improvised Weapon, going so far as to twirl him around as if he were a Bo staff.
- Likewise, the villain getting tired of his Death Dealer henchman's card puns.
- Jackie rescuing Uncle from Hsi Wu from the top of a water tower. At the moment, Hsi Wu is trying to get Uncle to uncurse his broken tail, and his goons have just arrived with Uncle's books, having been sent all the way across town to get them at Uncle's insistence. Uncle notices Jackie coming up behind Hsi Wu, so he delays. ("These are not my reading glasses!") Hsi Wu, finally fed up, is preparing to strike at him when Jackie throws him off the tower.
Jackie: Uncle! Run!Uncle: (looks to one side, then the other) Where to?
- All of "The Chan That Knew Too Much". Especially this bit:
Magister: Thou knoweth too much!Jackie: NO WE DON'T!
Magister: Thou has fax-ed our insignia!Jackie: It didn't go through!
- He ends up in their bathroom briefly. "He is privy to our privy!"
- Not to mention the Magisters always conveniently finding him as he tries to call for help.
- Jackie is undercover in prison. When he gets his one phone call:
Jackie: Chinchilla. (Beat) What do you mean, "What's a chinchilla?" That's the password!
Jackie: Jade, stay here.Jade: Tch...in a prison?Cue Jackie's frustrated look.
- Then there's the bit where Jade turns Jackie into a chinchilla with the monkey talisman, just to see what one was.
- Later in that episode, Jackie, as per tradition:
- At the end, after they've just beaten the bad guys, the prison guards show up, grab Jackie, and drag him to solitary confinement. Jackie begs for help, only for Jade, Uncle, and Tohru to do a Shrug Take and walk away.
- "The Chi Of The Vampire" is non-stop laughter (well, after the introduction of said vampire and how he extracts your chi at least). Some highlights include: Jade switching her chi with Uncle (obtaining certain... abrasive personality traits), and Tohru getting some of Jade's chi (and turning moe - complete with big eyes and exuberant personality). But then, Uncle is bitten and Jade uses her Uncle chi to put a holding spell on him, saying that he cannot move until it is removed.
Jackie: *Approaches the completely still Uncle and leans in close. There is a brief beat and then...*Uncle: You are DOOMED!Jackie: AUGH!Jade: *In Uncle's duh sort of voice* One more thing! He can still talk.Tohru: *Crossing arms and pouting* Shoulda put that thing over his mouth.
- That's not getting into Uncle's Renfield behavior during the final fight. Jade's discovery that in order to defeat the vampire, he must have a mushroom from a graveyard put into his left sock, and then have said sock thrown into the river (Jackie's reaction: "...you're making this up,") has Uncle lying on the ground completely frozen (with his arms in the most ridiculous position), saying things like "Is that your sock, master?" and begging him to take the others' "delicious chiiiii..." complete with Uncle's slight increase in pitch at the end. Classic!
- "Who stuck special parchment to Uncle's face?!"
- Any time Hak Foo calls his (or anyone else's) attacks leads to a CMoF, really. For instance, early in Season 2, in Space;
- Hak Foo: Tiger Prowls Through... *confused* ...Pudding?Moments later...Hak Foo: Flying Monkey Snatches Magic Box!And after he became a Dark Chi warrior:Hak Foo: Meteor brings mass extinction!Hak Foo: Tornado Desecrates Trailer Park!
- From "Queen of the Shadowkhan"
Jade: Help! Anybody!(Shadowkhan appear)Jade: Shadowkhan... oh no oh no oh no...Hak Foo: *smirks, then advances toward Jade*(Shadowkhan block him)Hak Foo: Huh?Hak Foo: *in utterly humiliated tone of voice* Bunny flees from vicious jackals! AHHHHH!
Shendu: Come, minions! [cue to lightning effect but no Shadowkhan appears] Minions? (looks aroundin confusion)Valmont: It would seem you have lost your touch, Shendu!Shendu: I HAVE NOT LOST MY TOUCH!!!
- After returning back, Hak Foo tells them about it but no one believes him until Shendu decides to call the Shadowkhan.
Jade: GIVE THEM A SPANKING!
- After that, you see the Shadowkhan reappear, surrounding Jade in the bathroom, only to offer juice, cereal, and a toaster with fresh toast. Seeing them tend to her needs before school's oddly funny because of how unusually innocent the normally serious minions appeared.
- The second try where the Finn and his friends steal the book. Finn enters as a Wealthy art collector while the others dig a hole to snatch back the book. After retrieving the book, Finn's 'cover' was blown when his pillow drops down but as he leaves, Uncle didn't notice it and even blaming Jackie and Tohru :
Uncle: (whacking them with a pillow after they just arrived with tea) YOU ARE BOTH VERY BAD SALESMEN!!!
- The whole spanking sequence, especially since the way Jade initially said it, it sounded like a childish euphemism for kicking ass. Bonus points for two Shadowkhan literally kicking Hak Foo's ass to spank him.
Jade: So, can I keep them?Jackie: No, Jade.Jade: Awww. Why not?Jackie: Because you're turning blue.Jade: Blue's my favorite color, besides you gave Tohru a chance.Jackie: Tohru is human.
- Jade asking Jackie if she can keep her Shadowkhan, as if she brought in a stray dog:
- The episode where they all went to Hollywood.
Jade: Hey look, The Three Stooges!Ratso: (he, Chow, and Finn look up excitedly) Where?!Jade: (steals their map and runs) Duh!
- Valmont's reaction to his freedom from Shendu in The Eighth Door: "WHOOPEE! BOOM SHAKALAKALAKA BOOM SHAKALAKALAKA!!"
- In "Curse of El Chupacabra", El Toro Fuerte is transforming into, well, a Chupacabra. So of course, Jackie calls Uncle to help them find a cure. The first thing Uncle does upon arrival? Walk in, drop his bags and begin to bitch about the flight.
Uncle: The flight was late, the food was terrible, the movie had no plot and I had turbulence!"
- Every once in awhile, Jackie gets in some excellent snarking.
Shendu: Why the interest in the box Chan? You have sealed the portals.Jackie: I want a keepsake of our time together.
- In "The J Team", when Uncle sees that Tohru and Jade followed him and Jackie to Tibet to fight Shendu and the Dark Hand, Uncle asks who's watching his shop. The scene cuts over to Captain Black sitting in Uncle's library reading a book about chi spells. The episode ends with Captain Black casting a chi spell which turns him into a frog. There's also Jade and Paco's loophole abuse regarding Uncle's orders of watching Jade and the shop and telling everyone else to get out. Jade points out that since she's following Jackie and Uncle to Tibet, it's impossible for Tohru to watch both her and the shop and Paco points out that everyone else left Uncle's shop just as he requested.
- During "Demon World (Part 1)", after Shendu uses the Book of Ages so that he and his brethren can continue ruling Earth, what he does after his conquest is hilariously petty: he keeps all the humans he knew and hated from the previous timeline as his personal slaves.
- He keeps his arch-nemesis Jackie as a submissive right-hand slave and yes-man (whom Jade compares to "a dog on a leash").
- He forces Jade to trim his toenails, and refill his mud bath, which visibly disgusts her.
- Uncle is his library boy (though he's forbidden from reading any books about magic).
- The entire Dark Hand gang are forced to entertain him as court jesters.
- During "Demon World (Part 2)", this exchange between El Toro and Tso Lan:
El Toro: Behold my mastery of (takes a look at the Rooster Talisman) ...pollo!
- Viper's reaction to Jade turning up in the Christmas episode:
Viper: "You brought an elf to a Hanukkah party?"
- In the episode with the clones, they're trying to find out which Jackie is the real one, and Captain Black asks, "Jackie, when's my birthday?" Neither Jackie knows, and Captain Black gets upset and says, "Jeez, Jackie, I thought we were pretty close!"
- After that, Jackie's clone escapes but Captain Black reassures them since he planted a tracking device on the clone and sees a blinking red light on Jackie's shirt and realizes he tagged the wrong Jackie.
- In the Cold Opening to 'Viva Las Jackies', the Chan Family's background antics behind Daolong Wong. "Ay-aaah!"
- When Finn, Ratso, and Chow see 2-headed Jackie, Finn says "Whoa, and I thought we looked freaky."
- In the Christmas episode, Jade thinks Santa is fake, just like the tooth fairy. Cue flashback to Jackie trying to slip a dollar underneath Jade's pillow only to get caught presumably because Jade pretended to be asleep.
Kid: (offscreen) DADDY! A fake Santa is eating Santa's cookies!
- Tohru is Subbing for Santa and at the first house...
- When Finn, Ratso, and Chow state why they were unable to defeat Jackie and acquire the Noble Rat, Finn is the only one who has a legitimate excuse.
Finn: Chan has a masked crimefighter with him.Chow: The sun was in our eyes!Ratso: I need a bigger hammer.Dalong Wong: Excuses, excuses, excuses!
- When hunting for the Noble Snake, the J-Team faces the return of Tohru's mother and the renewal of her and Uncle's rivalry.
Uncle: 'Too much garlic', Uncle knew you were vampire!
- An Oni mask gets broken in half, with one of them sticking to Valmont and the other to Jade. She tries to resist the murderous impulse of her Oni half.
- ...[Jackie's] brain's starting to get smelly.
- Captain Black: (Re: an Evil Twin) "Let's go kick my butt."
- How about in the clip show episode when things really start to speed up?
Jade: I think I'm gonna hurl.Uncle: Uncle becoming very dizzy...
- Tarakudo has a telekinesis battle with Egbert. In case you are wondering, Egbert is a rooster with the Rooster Talisman.
- Perhaps the only thing that makes it funnier is that he struggles with the whole battle and has to win through a cheap shot.
- Here's a good one from the episode The J-Tots:
"El Toro Fuerte never removes his pants!"
Uncle: (using a paper fortune-teller on Paco) Fortune-teller reveals...You have big crush on Jade!Uncle: (to Captain Black) You want Uncle to cast reversal spell on J-Team, yes? Then you will STOP FOR ICE CREAM!
- No, no, no, here's Uncle:
- After all of Hak Foo's efforts, he finally gets an Oni Mask and summons his Shadowkhan, anticipating mighty demon ninjas... and gets a bunch of the tiniest, most adorable evil minions ever. His expression when he realizes what he's summoned up is priceless. Of course, as it turns out, they're some of the most terrifying Shadowkhan in the series.
- What motivates Finn, Ratso and Chow to perform their Heel–Face Turn?
Ratso: We're tired of never making any money!Chow: We're tired of being enslaved by dragons, wizards and floating demon heads!Finn: But most of all, we're tired of getting our butts kicked...by you.Ratso: It hurts.
- In the season 5 premiere, Captain Black tells Jackie about Drago and the Enforcers. Jackie tells Jade to stay in the shop, then gets into the car, only to see that Jade is somehow inside the car, even buckled up in the back seat. Completely deadpan, she says: "Seriously, don't you get tired of saying that?"
- Drago berating the Ice Crew for losing to the heroes in a flower shop.
Drago: Was that a joke back there? Did I hire clowns? I give you powers beyond your wildest imagination, and you amateurs can't get past an archaeologist, a tub of guts, an old man, and a little girl?!
- In order to reseal some evil mirror spirits that have infected them, Uncle instructs Jackie and Jade to retrieve some moss from the top of a statue. Jackie climbs his way up and notices that Jade beat him to the top. Jade points out there were trams that allowed tourists to reach the top of the statue. Jackie face plants.
- Then at the end, glass objects are needed to reseal the Mirror Spirits so Jackie takes out a flashlight, Uncle takes off his glasses and Tohru takes out his mother's compact makeup mirror and gets some stares from Jackie and Uncle and states his mother left it behind during her last visit.
- From "Antler Action":
- When a nerdy guy named Larry is turning into an Earth Demon and decides to become a superhero, he looks at his horns and thinks that he's turning into Super Moose.
- At the comic convention, Uncle is playing a trading card game against a kid. Even though he hasn't even played the game before, he aces the game, and he even uses a magic blowfish card to beat the kid.
- In one of the later episodes, the J-Team participates in a humiliating game show in order to win a MacGuffin. Jade gains a rivalry with the other team's youngest member... Who develops a crush on her by the end of the episode.
- In the Season 5 opener, Drago gives the Enforcers some of his fire demon chi, so they test out their new powers. Ratso's response?
"Hey! I can make grilled cheese sandwiches whenever I want!"
- In the very last episode, Valmont shows up for the last time... as a bus driver. When Jackie recognizes him, poor Valmont slinks off. Also heartwarming in an odd way: just like the Enforcers, Valmont's turned over a new leaf and is living honestly.