Funny / Hololive Holostars English Pummel Party

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First collab (13 August 2022)

• The TEMPUS boys play Pummel Party together for the first time. None of them except Dez know how to play the game, so Axel sets up a ten-turn game and they just wing it from there.
• Altare makes fun of Dez's handle.^note Bilbo Maggins
  Altare: Bimbo Maggins...
• Dez lands on a reaper tile^note Claimable tile which takes away health or keys from anybody other than the claimant who steps on it, depending on which option is selected and claims it. The rest are intrigued; Axel thought this game was a fighting simulator as opposed to a Mario Party-style game.
• The gang plays Traffic Theft.^note Posing as thieves, get as much loot as possible to a getaway truck without getting knocked down; 1 point per cash pile and 2 for gold piles Axel immediately gets run over by a pickup truck.
• Dez is about to make it back with his cash piles and gets run over by a sports car.
  Dez: NOOOOOO!!!!!
• Dez touches the flatbed of a flatbed truck and gets knocked down. He is left perplexed.
• Altare wins the game. Dez is left malding.
  Dez: WHAT?! I HAD THE LEAD! WHAT HAPPENED?!
• Altare gets an eggplant^note A remote-controlled explosive in the shape of an eggplant; does 15 damage in a fairly wide radius and wonders what it does. Axel has other ideas.
  Axel: Ayo?
• Vesper rolls a 9; Dez and Axel wonder how Vesper can get these numbers. Altare on the other hand...
  Altare: How are you guys getting those numbers when it's a d8?
• The gang plays Sharky Swim.^note One player is a shark, the rest are prey; the prey must conceal themselves among other prey and activate five beacons to escape while the shark kills the prey, each beacon activated produces a beeping tone translating to "SOS" in morse code Axel is the first to die, seconds after the game starts, and begins malding.
  Axel: YO THAT'S NOT FAIR, MAN!
  • Dez kills Vesper and Altare shortly after, winning the game.
• Dez uses an eggplant on Vesper. Vesper pleads for his life and is subsequently sent flying.
  Vesper: No no no no- (eggplant explodes) aww.
• Altare gets a shotgun^note Deals variable damage depending on how many pellets hit; each pellet does 6 damage, with 5 shot for a maximum of 30 damage, enough to kill a player from full health and so does Vesper. Dez attempts to coerce Vesper into shooting Axel with the shotgun; he opts to open a present^note Open it for one of three outcomes: teleport to the chest, the power of choice for the minigame to be played at the end of the round or lose your turn - each is denoted by the color of the aura instead and gets teleported straight to the chest, one tile away, effectively wasting the present. Vesper feels he got ripped off.
  Vesper: That's... stupid!
  • Vesper rolls a 6 and walks towards the treasure chest; luckily for him he has just enough keys to open it.^note 40 keys are required to open a chest Triumphant music plays as Vesper opens the chest and receives a goblet. He then claims a reaper tile as his.
    Vesper: Get magged.
• Axel rolls a 9 and decides to try the cannon; he gets launched over to near Altare, and laments his choice. He steps on an item tile and gets an arcade machine.^note Challenges a player to an arcade game; winner gets a goblet Dez describes the item's use, with Axel immediately declaring that he'll be challenging Vesper.
• The gang plays Slippery Sprint.^note Race to the finish in an icy environment without falling into the water Axel declares the game as seeming "pretty easy". He is the first to fall off the map and gets pushed to last place. Axel finishes dead last while Altare wins the game.
• Altare gets a present from winning the previous minigame. He opens it... only to get sucked into it and lose his turn. The rest are left wondering where he went.
  Dez: Wait, where did you go?
  Altare: To the Shadow Realm, dude!
• Dez uses a tactical cactus disguise.^note Protects user from the next damage instance, cannot use items while wearing; if an item is used or if one gets damaged the cactus disguise is lost Vesper is left tickled.
  Vesper: You're a cactus now!
• The gang plays Sorcerers Sprint.^note Endless runner-type minigame where players dodge obstacles while flying on broomsticks Axel declares the game "sounds easy" again; this time, he gets mocked by the others.
  Dez: Heh. Sounds easy, okay.
  Altare: In before he gets fourth place again.
  • The game starts, and Axel immediately backpedals on his earlier comments, saying the game is too difficult.^note Dim lighting does make it difficult for players to differentiate between each other Vesper is the first to die, followed by Dez and Axel dying by slamming into an archway. Altare wins handily.
• Altare uses an eggplant on Axel after losing his turn the last round.
  Altare: Hey buddy, you need to eat your vegetables at some point, so...
• After Altare gets injured by Axel's eggplant, Axel suggests to Vesper to form an alliance. Vesper shoots down the idea immediately.
  Axel: Vesper, Vesper- we have to form an alliance!
  Vesper: I'm not teaming up with you! I remember what you said like five minutes ago! I'll team up with whoever is against you!
  Axel: No! No! We have to form an alliance!
  Vesper: You think- you think you have 400 IQ and I'll just forget what you said about me? I remember. I remember.
  • Vesper counters by suggesting forming an alliance against Axel.
• Axel uses a wrecking ball^note Deals some amount of damage to a target against Altare. Axel begins cackling. All this time, Axel is still trying to coerce Vesper to form an alliance.
  • Altare asks Vesper if he wanted to join forces; he immediately replies with a singular "yes". Axel attempts to do the same to Dez, who rejects his advances. To add salt to the wound, Altare asks Dez the same question he did to Vesper, which he accepts. Vesper loses it.
• The gang plays Daring Dogfight.^note A Crimson Skies-type minigame where players fight each other in prop planes Axel immediately kills Dez, who complains at the inverted controls. Axel begins laughing hard. Dez immediately complains that they are ganging up on him, while Axel takes this opportunity to request Vesper to form an alliance.
  Dez: Who is shooting me?! YOU-
  • Dez wins the game anyway.
• Dez opens up a treasure chest. Triumphant music plays... and the next chest spawns a few tiles in front of him.
  Dez: Oh wait! That's broken! I'm right there!
  Axel: Yo guys, we gotta kill Magni now. We gotta kill Magni.
  Dez: Go ahead and try.
  • Dez walks to the chest... and discovers he doesn't have enough keys.
• Altare uses a rocket skewer^note Ride forward ten tiles and skewers anyone in its path, dealing 15 damage and proceeds to skewer Axel while making motorboat noises. This leaves Axel with 1 HP.
  Axel: That's fucked up, yo!
  • He subsequently rolls a 7, lands on an item tile and gets a boxing glove.^note Guarantees a kill if the glove hits Dez tells him to stay away from the chest.
• Vesper rolls an 8 and walks near to Axel. Vesper immediately taunts Axel.
  Axel: Why you coming towards me?! Go away! Go away! Go away! Go away man, this ain't it!
  Vesper: No reason, no reason. I see- I see you have a single HP.
  Axel: No no no no no!
  Vesper: Might I interest you in a bit of shotgun?
• The guys play Cannon Circle.^note Dodge as many cannonballs as possible Altare nearly walks into a cannonball. Dez is left speechless. Dez wins anyway.
• Vesper taunts Axel:
  Vesper: I have one goblet, and I have a shotgun... and I feel like... I'm in a good position right now. I'm happy.
  Axel: Hey! What do you mean- what do you mean you're in a good position?! I'm in a bad position! That's it!
  Vesper: We've got a runner, boys! You- you better hope you roll higher than me from now on because I'm right behind you.
• Axel uses the arcade machine to challenge Vesper to a game of Road Dodge. Axel trashes Vesper and gains a free goblet, taking him from last to first instantly. Dez is in disbelief, calling the arcade machine broken.
  • Altare counters Dez's claim, saying there's only one tile that one could get the arcade machine from. Axel rolls a 9, lands on an item tile... and gets another arcade machine. He subsequently continues on and gets a magnet.^note Attracts keys and items from the ground or adjacent players within a radius
• The gang plays Bullet Barrage.^note A bullet hell-style minigame Cue Vesper dying twice in a row and all four dying to projectiles at the same time. Dez wins the game; Axel immediately accuses him of cheating.
• Dez considers killing Axel,^note Using an item in the tactical cactus disguise causes one to lose the disguise but decides to play it safe. He lands on a reaper tile and claims it, trapping Axel in the event he rolls too low.
• Axel uses the arcade machine to challenge Vesper again, this time playing a game of Paddles. As usual, Axel trashes Vesper, earning him yet another goblet.
  • Axel subsequently rolls a 9, narrowly missing Dez's reaper tiles but then has to choose between going down or right. Dez attempts to convince him to go down, which fails when Axel checks the map to see more reaper tiles owned by Dez. Axel chooses the other path... and steps on a hazard tile^note Takes away both health and keys from those who step on it and dies to an exploding barrel, the first kill of the game. All the other members begin corpsing.
• Vesper finds out that death in this game is not permanent and wonder if there was any actual penalty to death. Dez explains the mechanics of death to him,^note Lose a significant amount of keys and respawn at a "graveyard" spot with Axel giving his take on the matter.
  Axel: Hey, but think about it. Who gives a- I don't need keys to get these trophies! I just need the arcade, right? I just need the arcade and Vesper and then I get- I get my trophy secured! Easy trophy secured, y'know! It's the salute emoji every time! Thank you, Arigato, Vesper-san! Arigato, Vesper-san! Salute!
• The gang plays Animal Arithmetic.^note Count a certain type of animal riding another animal in each round, such as foxes riding foxes Axel wonders what a moose is, thinking it was actually chocolate mousse.
  • Dez and Axel tie but Dez is positioned ahead of Axel. Axel begins malding again, thinking he lost to Dez.^note The official positioning is that both finished first, although Axel's character looked dejected
    Axel: Why does he still get first?!
    Dez: You got first too!
• Dez sheds his tactical cactus disguise to ride a rocket skewer. He picks up all of Axel's keys from his prior death.
• Axel uses a present; he is teleported directly to the chest, opens it and gets a third goblet. Axel taunts the rest:
  Axel: See, that's what happens when you guys gang up on one person!
  • Shortly after, Axel steps on another hazard tile and a pile of cargo falls on him.
• Altare lands on a hazard tile, setting off a bunch of explosive barrels. He takes no damage but his disguise is destroyed.
• Vesper shoots Axel on Dez's insistence. Most of the pellets miss, dealing negligible damage to Axel.
• The gang plays Crown Capture.^note A brawler-style game where players attempt to hold a crown the longest Chaos ensues. Dez wins again, with Axel accusing Dez of smurfing.
• Dez uses another rocket skewer to skewer Axel. His body flies into the sky, still skewered to the rocket, while Dez laughs.
  Axel: Why am I dying so many times?!
• The final turn commences, with the water level rising and turning a blood red.^note Does 15 to 16 damage Altare begins his final turn unremarkably, rolling an 8 and landing on a healing tile.
  • Axel dies to the blood red water and spawns at the graveyard next to Dez. Axel takes this opportunity to kill Dez with his boxing glove and collect his dropped keys; he then rolls a 4, lands on an item tile and gets a giga laser,^note Kills any player in one shot, similar to the boxing glove, but unlike the latter a hit is guaranteed; this item is not used in this match before landing on a hazard tile and is blown up by exploding barrels.
    Dez: I will destroy you.
    (Axel uses the boxing glove)
    Axel: Ah ha ha! Bye bye!
    Vesper and Altare: Whoa.
    Dez: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! HOW DID THAT ONE SHOT ME?!
    Vesper: One shot?! Are you kidding me?!
• Vesper takes damage from the water. Axel gloats about his imminent victory to Dez.
  Axel: Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! How does it feel to be on the loser's end right now, Magni?
  Dez: Oh, I'm going to destroy you.
  • Vesper's turn ends up being the final turn for the game overall, with the game ending and moving straight to the Pummel Awards after he finishes. Dez begins malding.
    Dez: NO, THAT'S THE FINAL TURN! Why did that one shot me?! I don't understand!
• The Pummel Awards commence. Axel wins for most damage dealt and Dez for most keys collected and winning the most minigames; Axel is awarded a fourth goblet for his efforts and Dez takes his total number of goblets to three. This gives Axel a convincing victory over the rest of the guys.^note Victory is determined by number of goblets; if both players have the same number of goblets, the player with more keys wins the game
  Axel: Know your place, peasants! Trying to gang up on me?!
• In the victory screen, Axel is celebrating his win upon piles of gold. He tries to locate Vesper; he eventually does.
  Axel: Hey, look at this! Oh, I don't see Vesper anywhere on this- huh, where are you, Vesper?
  Vesper: I'm in the- I'm in the Cage of Shame, you idiot!^note The last-placed player is trapped in a cage I'm like right here!
• The guys subsequently enter a cagefight-like fight, knocking each other out in the victory room; while this goes on, Dez malds about the boxing glove.
  Dez: Oh my gosh, the damage dealt! It was literally just that last boxing punch! You did nine more damage than me and got that goblet!
• The EN curse strikes the guys at the end of the stream, with Vesper disconnecting from the game due to Internet issues.

Second collab (17 January 2023)

• The EN curse strikes again! As Axel and the gang are setting up their game, Altare's game crashes, while the others malfunction due to apparently the Live2D models being too resource-intensive. They resort to using PNGs.
• The gang actually gets to play a game and begin rolling to determine turn order. Altare rolls a 1.
  Altare: 1! I hate my life!
• Altare gets an eggplant; Axel immediately mocks him for getting an eggplant. Altare claps back with this quip:
  Altare: I mean, it's pretty large, so I'll take it.
• The gang plays Bullet Barrage. Cue all seven immediately dying to projectiles. They later realize they can double jump.
  • Hakka wins the round by a hair. He is quite surprised.
    Hakka: Oh I won?!
• Altare suggests a boxing tournament for the gang. The boys seem to be in on the idea.
• The gang plays Temporal Trail.^note A Slither.io clone Cue Axel and Altare killing themselves instantly.
  Axel: AHHHHHHH! You can kill- what?! Wait, you can kill yourself?! I didn't know! That's not fair!
  • The rest of the boys die shortly after while Axel malds.
• Shinri and Bettel cross paths but somehow do not die, with Shinri subsequently running into a wall and dying. Shinri is left questioning this. Dez chalks this up to being a lag issue, to which Shinri seems to agree.
  Shinri: Wait, how- wait. You went through. You went through!
• Hakka kills himself by messing up his pathing, gifting Shinri the win.
• Shinri steps on an event tile, reversing the paths on the map. Axel is not pleased.
  Axel: You fucking di-
  • This benefits Altare, who lands on a treasure chest and has just enough keys to open it. He does so and gloats at the others.
    Altare: Ha ha ha! Sasuga Leader! #AltareSweep! Ha ha ha!
• Axel states he would be bullying Flayon. Flayon responds in shock.
  Flayon: WHY ME?!
• The gang plays Snowy Spin.^note Knock opposing snowballs off the platform while you attempt to keep on the platform; snowballs get bigger over time Chaos ensues, with lots of screaming and malding. One notable example involves Flayon and Altare being the last men standing, with Altare knocking Flayon off much to his chagrin.
  Flayon: Leader...
  Altare: (knocks Flayon off the platform) Goodbye.
  Flayon: You... TRAITOR!
• Bettel manages to knock Flayon and Axel off the platform in quick succession. He gets extremely hyped up, gloats about his victory after knocking Shinri off and then falls off the platform himself. He ends up losing to Flayon by a hair.
  Bettel: (hyperventilating) Victory belongs to Bettel! VICTORY BELONGS TO ME! (falls off the platform) AHHHHHHHHHH!
  • Axel malds about being one of the first to die in each of the rounds.
    Axel: God fucking damn it! EVERY TIME, MAN! EVERY FUCKING TIME!
• Post-Snowy Spin, Dez complains that he had been looking at the wrong snowball the entire time. Altare calls him out for it, while Axel makes fun of him for it.
  Dez: I was watching the wrong dude the whole frickin' time!
  Shinri: Oh my God...
  Altare: Dez. You're the one who said you wanted the purple. Why do you not know you're purple?
  Axel: Why you always lookin' at other dudes, man?
• Axel attempts to coerce Dez to use an item on Altare, only to find out he has none.
  Axel: Yo, use an item on Altare! Whadda you got? Nothin', you broke-ass bitch, man!
• Flayon asks Dez to make a horse noise. He obliges.
• The gang plays Motor Murder.^note Top-down shooter where players shoot each other while driving in cars Even more chaos ensues; at the start of the match, Axel accuses those who use a controller of cheating. He ends up using a controller anyway.
  Axel: Wait, who's playing on the controller?! You cheating fucks, man!
• Axel has some beef with Flayon.
  Axel: STOP FUCKING SHOOTING ME, YOU LITTLE-
• Flayon wonders what is bothering Axel. This culminates in more beef.
  Flayon: Okay, what's your issue? What's your problem?
  Axel: You're my problem! Got a kill, bitch!
  Flayon: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! I'LL KILL YOU THEN! YOU'RE A CUNT!
• Axel gets killed by Altare in the final seconds of the game and starts malding. This is enough to give Altare the win; he gets another eggplant as a reward.
• Post-Motor Murder, Altare uses an eggplant and plants it between Bettel, Dez and Hakka. He manages to hit all of them.
  • Bettel responds in kind by dropping a beehive^note Causes a swarm of bees to attack all players within a large radius at Altare's feet.
    Flayon, Hakka and Bettel: UNLEASH THE BEES!
    Bettel: Alright, see you later.
• Shinri uses a rocket skewer, which Axel mocks him for.
  Shinri: Ooh, wait, I can use an item now, right? "Ride this rocket ten spaces towards the go-" Ooh! I'll take it.
  Axel: Yo! You're not that old to take vehicles everywhere man!
  Shinri: It's my little mobility scooter.
  • He later opens a treasure chest... and the next one spawns a few tiles in front of him in his direction. Axel, Hakka and Bettel are in disbelief. Luckily for them he doesn't have enough keys to open the next chest.
• Hakka opens his present. A blue aura appears... and he is instantly teleported to the tile next to the treasure chest. Axel, Altare and Shinri are in further disbelief.
  • The next chest spawns near Axel... but in the other direction. Axel begins malding.
    Axel: Are you fucking kidding me- oh my God...
• The gang plays Thunderous Trench.^note One player is designated the "lightning rod" and can float over platforms; others are supposed to dodge the lightning strikes which destroy platforms, making the arena smaller over time Axel wonders which player has been designated as the lightning rod... until he finds out when the game starts.
  Axel: IT'S BETTEL! GET AWAY FROM THIS- GET AWAY FROM THIS GREASED-UP BASTARD!
• All throughout the game, Bettel takes glee in attempting to take out his opponents. When he approaches Shinri, he has this to say:
  Bettel: (hyperventilating) Shinri! Shinri! I don't know how to control this! I don't think I'm doing anything!
  • He ends up killing Shinri anyway.
• Altare discovers that Bettel can float over the platforms. Axel claims this is "not fair".
• Post-Thunderous Trench, Dez uses an eggplant to injure Shinri and kill Bettel, the first kill of the game.
• Axel is in a bit of a dilemma regarding whether to kill Altare. Flayon and Dez attempt to persuade him. They fail.
• Bettel reverses the map pathing again to Axel's consternation.
  Axel: Stop doing this shit to me, man! I swear to God, dude!
• Shinri attempts to use a magnet to retrieve Bettel's dropped keys, scattered into two piles. He aims perfectly between both piles in an attempt to get both piles of keys, but ends up getting none and wasting his magnet. Shinri takes it in stride and begins corpsing.
• Flayon kills Altare with a rocket skewer. Altare attempts to make peace but is skewered by the rocket.
  Altare: I... I give you... kiss...
• After Flayon kills Altare, he opens a treasure chest. The next treasure chest spawns right in Axel's path; he for one is overjoyed.
  Axel: LET'S FUCKING GO!
  • The immediate reaction to this news is Altare to suggest reversing the board. Axel vows violence if that were to happen.
    Axel: No! I will- I will- I will, like, twist your dick off. I swear to God.
• The gang plays Swift Shooters.^note A simple target shooting minigame; points are lost for missing and gained for speed and accuracy None of them appear to understand the rules and decide to just wing it.
• Axel shoots two bombs in a row. He subsequently thinks he won the game... until the results show that Flayon won it. Dez begins malding:
  Dez: WHAT?! I LOST TO BETTEL BY A SINGLE POINT!
• Post-Swift Shooters, Flayon moves towards the next chest and attempts to open it up but lacks enough keys, which Axel mocks him for. Flayon attempts to clap back at Axel but is quickly shot down.
  Axel: You ain't got enough keys, you broke-ass- you broke-ass bitch!
  Flayon: LET'S SEE IF YOU HAVE ENOUGH!
  Axel: I've got 76 keys, man!
  Flayon: THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GONNA GET!
  Axel: I could go for a second chest if I want to!
  • Altare chips in with this line:
    Altare: You'll never get the chest with the ecchi nee-chan, though, so... what can I say?
• Shinri says a pickup line:
  Shinri: Are you just gonna go to someone and be like, "Hey baby, you heard of VTuberrrrrrrs?"
  • Hakka later chimes in:
    Hakka: Shinri, you bring a new mom back home, I'm not accepting her. Just saying.
    Shinri: Wow.
• The gang plays Fractured Faces...^note A sliding puzzle-type minigame and immediately begin malding at the game's basic premise. Dez is the first to finish and as a result wins the game.
  • As they play, the various players complain about the game being too hard. Bettel in particular goes on a long rant:
    Bettel: DUDE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY THIS THING! I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WHAT! THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME! HOW DO YOU PUT THIS PART?! LIKE THIS PART IS- (drowned out by Hakka and Axel) I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
• Axel suggests to the gang to form an alliance to kill Flayon.
  Flayon: HUH?!
• The gang plays Memory Menu.^note A memorization game involving replicating recipes Similar to Swift Shooters, they don't understand what's going on and again decide to wing it. Axel somehow manages to win.
• Hakka kills Flayon with a boxing glove. He gleefully awaits to get Flayon’s dropped keys... before realizing the map direction makes him walk away from where he wants to go.
  Hakka: NO!
• Flayon uses a dark summoning staff^note Summons a killer bunny; killer bunny takes four steps at the end of each round, kills the first player in its path and stops, cannot be damaged or removed from the game after being summoned to summon a killer bunny. Axel's game audio instantly becomes significantly louder, to the confusion of everyone.
• Altare injures Axel with a wrecking ball. His last words?
  Axel: Bitch ass.
  Altare: Axel, Any Last Words?
  Axel: Bitch ass!
  Flayon: Hit him, hit him!
  Hakka: Destroyed.
  Flayon: What beautiful last words.
  Axel: Bitch ass.
  • Shortly after injuring Axel, Altare steps on a reaper tile and gets injured himself.
    Axel: Karma!
• The gang plays Batty Batters.^note Similar to Swift Shooters but involves batting baseballs; unlike Swift Shooters there is no penalty for missing a ball The gang spends half the game complaining about lag issues. Shinri's comments in particular stand out. Dez wins the game.
  Shinri: Oh, this is... there's such a delay.
  Axel: There is a huge delay.
  Hakka: Nah dude...
  Shinri: Says the one hosting.
• Dez kills Axel with a rocket skewer.
• After he is killed, Axel hopes Altare doesn't roll high enough to get the 13 keys he had dropped. Altare attempts to downplay his fortunes.
  Axel: Can you just like get a shit roll?
  Altare: Listen, man... I just gotta try and get a good roll and I'll get a shit roll, okay?
  • Altare rolls a 4, which is just enough for him to collect the keys and reach the treasure chest, which he has enough keys to open after collecting Axel's keys. The rest begin malding.
• Shortly after opening the chest, some space debris knocks Altare's tactical cactus disguise off. The gang finds this quite funny.
• Axel pulls out a boxing glove and targets Dez with it. Dez is notably quite cocky about this, until...
  Dez: Do what you must. I've already won.
  (Axel kills Dez)
  Dez: WHAT?! DUDE IT'S A ONE SHOT?! THAT IS BROKEN!
• Bettel accidentally activates an arcade machine; not knowing what to do, he randomly selects a challenger for a match. Axel in particular is pretty excited about this.
  Axel: Fight me! FUCK ME! FIGHT ME! I dare you Bettel, you fucking pussy! FIGHT ME! YEAH, FIGHT ME PUSSY! FUCKIN' DARE YOU!
  Bettel: OH YOU WANNA CHALLENGE ME?! YOU WANNA CHALLENGE ME?! YO, FUCK YOU!
• Bettel challenges Axel to a game of Paddles. He gets quite fired up about it.
  Bettel: HOW DO YOU LIKE PONG?! HOW DO YOU LIKE PONG, AXEL?!
• The entire game consists of both Axel and Bettel throwing shade at each other and malding when they lose the round. The spectators of this game cannot hold in their laughter at Axel and Bettel shittalking each other.
  Bettel: I've been alive longer! I've been alive longer! I've been playing this game since you were- you were a boy!
  Axel: Buddy, I- I have- I've smoked- I've smoked gramps^note Vesper in this game!
  (Axel scores a point)
  Bettel: FUCK! FUCK! SHIT!
  Flayon: Bettel, please...
  Axel: I smoked gramps in this game! I- I smoked gramps in this game!
  Bettel: OH YOU THINK YOU'RE SO GOOD AT PONG?! IS IT THE BALL?! I'LL SMOKE YOU A PONG!
• The ball goes through Axel's paddle. He goes immediately from gloating about his victories against Vesper in the previous Pummel Party collab to malding about this glitch for the rest of the game.
  Axel: WHAT?! WAIT, THAT WENT THROUGH! THAT WENT- THAT WENT FU- THAT W- FUCKING WENT THROUGH! THAT FUCKIN' WENT THROUGH MY SHIT, DUDE!
  • Still malding about the glitch, in an attempt to prove that this glitch actually happened, he begins requesting people to watch his VOD.
    Axel: Watch my VOD! WATCH MY VOD! WATCH MY- WATCH MY FUCKING VOD! WATCH MY FUCKING VOD, DUDE! I'M TELLING YOU, WATCH MY FUCKING VOD!
    (Axel scores a point)
    Axel: (calmly) There we fucking go, baby.
• Axel wins the Paddles game against Bettel. Altare begins malding at Bettel for losing.
  Altare: Bettel! You should have challenged me! What the heck?!
  • The entire team realizes that Axel won a goblet by winning the Paddles game against Bettel. Cue to them in disbelief.
• The gang plays Aftershock Arena.^note A Quake-styled third-person arena shooter Flayon calls for a truce to allow them to figure out their controls and bearings. The truce is broken not even a second later.
• In Aftershock Arena, Axel is incredibly competitive, gunning down whoever is in his path and malding whenever he is killed.
• Dez malds at getting killed by Shinri, who is perched on a high location and killing from range with a sniper rifle.
  Dez: WHAT?! WHO IS THAT?! SHINRI YOU- YOU CHEATING ASS FUCK! SHINRI'S- IN THE SNIPER TOWER!
  • And it continues!
    Dez: SHINRI'S WAY OVER THERE SNIPING US FROM THE FRICKIN' WATCH TOWER!
• Axel sets out to stop Shinri's reign of terror. He uses a teleporter and catches Shinri off-guard, killing him with his laser. Axel immediately picks up Shinri's sniper rifle and begins killing others the same way Shinri did.
  • Hakka then sneaks up behind Axel in an attempt to kill him. Axel attempts to kill Hakka with his sniper rifle at close range but jumps off the platform.
• Bettel is killed by Axel's laser from behind. He too is caught off guard.
  Bettel: OH WHAT THE FUCK?!
  • At the same time, Dez gets shotgunned at point blank by Shinri.
    Dez: NO- OH MY GOD, SHINRI! He Gears of War'd me! He Gears Of War'd me with the Gnasher, bro!
• Things get heated in the final seconds of the game, when Axel is caught between the crossfire from Altare, Flayon and Shinri. Flayon attempts to have others kill Axel; Axel has other plans, killing Flayon and Altare with his sniper rifle at point blank range and wins the game.
  Axel: Not today! DOUBLES FUCKIN' NO SCOPE, BABY!
• Post-Aftershock Arena, the gang agrees that the gamemode was "pretty fun". Dez begins bringing up Shinri's sniping spree again.
• Shinri gets an arcade machine from an item tile. Axel gets excited again.
  Axel: YO YOU GOT THE ARCADE TOO! Yo, fight me! Fight me! Fight me! Shinri, Shinri! Fight me! Fight me! FIGHT ME! Fight me!
  • Altare chips in with an easy way for Shinri to get a goblet.
    Altare: If you want a free one, just go for Bettel...
• Bettel lands on a hazard tile and has space debris dropped on him.
  Bettel: AW SHIT!
  Viewer: MAX LUCK BTW LMAO
• Flayon wastes a magnet.
• The killer bunny catches up to Axel and kills him.
• The gang plays Animal Arithmetic. Most of the players couldn't figure out how to count. They wing it anyway.
• In the second round of Animal Arithmetic, Bettel begins overthinking things.
  Bettel: What's a raccoon look like? Have they gone by yet?
  Everyone else: Yes!
  Bettel: Why are they orange?!
  • Flayon inputs the number of raccoons riding raccoons way higher than anyone else. He is audibly confused.
    Flayon: Huh?!
    Everyone else: Fourteen?!
  • It gets worse from here, particularly with Bettel and Axel, with Bettel going on a dramatic and unhinged rant about the color of foxes. Everyone else either starts corpsing or calling out Bettel for overthinking things. Dez wins the game.
    Bettel and Axel: Those are foxes?!
    Bettel: Those are NOT foxes!
    Dez: You're overthinking it, bro!
    Bettel: THOSE ARE WOLVES!
    Axel: Yeah, right! Right! That's actually wolves! They're not foxes!
    Bettel: Foxes are orange! I'm not counting- I didn't count any!
    Dez: You're overthinking it! Axel and Flayon knew what they were talking about!
    Bettel: What am I overthinking?! Last time I checked, foxes were orange!
    Dez: You're overthinking it!
    (cut to results screen, showing Bettel in dead last)
    Bettel: Oh, for fuck's sake!
• Post-Animal Arithmetic, Shinri makes fun of Bettel. Hakka agrees.
  Shinri: Alright, y'all heard it here, folks: Bettel can't count.
  Hakka: He literally can't count!
  • Bettel chimes in, continuing his rant about foxes. Hakka, Altare and Shinri add their comments too.
    Bettel: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! That was a gray- what is a gray fox?! That doesn't even exist! On this planet!
    Hakka: They do! They do!
    Altare: Winter foxes?
    Hakka: Winter foxes, yeah!
    Bettel: Well, then it would've said "Count winter foxes riding fuckin' tigers"!
    Shinri: (in between laughter) They wouldn't get that specific...
    Axel: Not gonna lie, you kind of a dumbass...
• Bettel kills Flayon with a boxing glove. Flayon is less than pleased.
  Flayon: YOU PETTY SON OF A MOTHERF-
• The killer bunny catches up to Dez and kills him thanks to Shinri reversing the map a few turns ago. Dez thinks his turn got skipped because he died... but gets reminded by Axel that his turn was already over anyway because he was the first to go and calls him out for it.
• The gang plays Laser Leap.^note Similar premise to Cannon Circle played in the first Pummel Party collab, but involves rotating laser beams instead They do pretty well... until lasers start dropping from everywhere, making for erratic patterns and frantic jumping. Axel, gloating about being king of the jump rope, wins the game, dying at the last second by lasers along with Shinri.
  Axel: Rise up, gigachads!
• Axel gets a present after winning Laser Leap; he opens it and gets to choose the next minigame, Miniature Motors, Mystery Maze and Selfish Stride. Nobody can decide what game they want and a minor argument breaks out. He eventually delegates Shinri to pick, who suggests Mystery Maze. Bettel is less than pleased.
  Bettel: Dude, Shinri, I'm sick of mazes, man!
• Shinri decides to challenge Bettel using the arcade machine; Bettel is enthusiastic about the idea, stating he wants to redeem himself. They settle on Road Dodge on the others's insistence, with them stating that he already got practice in on Paddle from the earlier match. Despite the others rooting for Shinri, Bettel actually wins the game.
• Axel reminisces about earlier times.
  Axel: Reminds me of the days that I bullied Vesper Noir in these modes... the first Pummel Party...
• Dez opens a present. He gets teleported straight to the chest to his chagrin as he lacks enough keys.
• Bettel kills Shinri with a shotgun, then rolls a 7, landing on an event tile, reversing the map once again. A few turns later, the killer bunny catches up to Bettel and kills him, forcing him to drop a large number of keys.
• The gang plays Mystery Maze^note A maze game featuring invisible platforms; these transition between being invisible and visible every so often as selected by Axel. Dez finishes the maze first, followed by Bettel and then Axel. Altare is less than pleased after finishing the maze, while the rest celebrate.
  Altare: (monotonous) That game sucks.
• Dez injures Hakka and Altare with an eggplant. Altare and Flayon have this conversation shortly after.
  Altare: You evil- I can't believe you did that to me, man. I- I didn't do anything to you.
  Flayon: You did something to me!
  Altare: I gave you love and affection and a kiss.
  Flayon: YOU GAVE ME BEES IN MY ASS!
  Altare: I GAVE IT TO EVERYBODY! IT'S FAIR!
  Flayon: Okay, that actually sounds fair. Okay, I believe you.
• Bettel makes the same mistake as Dez by using a present without having at least 40 keys; he teleports to the treasure chest, with Axel mocking him and Shinri spoiling his mood by reminding him of his lack of keys.
  Axel: Awwwww, you got JEBAITED!
  Shinri: Aw, he doesn't have enough keys to open the chest!
  Bettel: OH F-
  • He decides to roll anyway, passing the chest... and lands on a reaper tile.
• Flayon attempts to use a swap portal on Dez. He figures out eventually.
• Dez gloats that the swap portal Flayon used would be to his benefit. Shinri kills him with a shotgun shortly after.
  • Prior to his death, Dez thought that the shotgun wouldn't kill him and wanted Shinri to shoot him!
• The gang plays Barn Brawl,^note Similar to Aftershock Arena, but all players start weaponless; the only weapons are shotguns which kill instantly and are dropped upon firing a single shot a game Axel is excited to play. Before the game starts Altare wonders if he could use mouse and keyboard for that game, which he could and opts to use it; Axel and the rest call him out for not using a controller. Dez wins the game.
• By the end of the game and having been killed numerous times, Axel backpedals on his earlier comments regarding the game. The rest call him out for it.
  Axel: This game is- this game is dogshit.
  Flayon: And I thought you were excited to play it! What do you mean?!
• Altare doesn't take well to Axel's malding^note Axel is first in the standings as of this point, with the most goblets and keys and lectures Axel.
  Axel: You are a ping abuser, Magni.
  Altare: "You're a ping abuser"?! Have you ever played Rainbow Six Siege?! THE ONE WITH THE HIGHER PING IS THE ONE THAT WINS!
• Axel attempts to convince Shinri to not kill him in an attempt to retain his lead. The rest call him out for it.
  Axel: Shinri, I have- I have been just a sweet little fuckin' child to you, alright? I have-
  Flayon: THAT'S A LIE!
  Axel: I have not done anything to you, Shinri.
  Hakka: Sweet little fuckin' child...
• Altare steps on a hazard tile, gets injured by falling space debris and drops keys. Bettel gets excited due to the prospect of getting Altare's keys and opening the treasure chest... and then he rolls and discovers that he is going the other way because the map got reversed again.
  Bettel: OH, OH! ONE KEY! THAT'S ALL I NEEDED!
  (the rest of the gang begin corpsing)
  Bettel: Ten! (hyperventilating) Wait... WHAT WHERE AM I GOING?!
• Hakka reaches a total of 101 keys in his turn. Chat goes wild.
• Axel uses a wrecking ball on Bettel. Bettel wonders out loud why Axel would target the second placed guy and not the first-placed guy.
  Bettel: I'm second place, dude! Go for first place!
  Axel: I'm first place, dumbass bitch.
• The killer bunny kills Hakka, causing him to drop most of his keys.
  Hakka: Uh oh.
• The gang plays Spooky Spikes.^note Dodge as many rolling spikes as possible The game progresses fine until the speed of the spikes increases exponentially. Dez wins the game, with Bettel in second place. Axel is in disbelief.
  Axel: The two greasiest fucking members of TEMPUS... two greasiest guys, that always runs for their lives, man!
• Shinri pulls out a boxing glove. He readies to kill Hakka... and at the last second turns around and kills Axel instead.
  Axel: EVERYTHING I've done for you, Shinri...
  Viewers: TOP 10 ANIME BETRAYALS
• Hakka uses a dark summoning staff to summon another killer bunny... and Axel's music gets incredibly loud again.^note When another killer bunny is summoned, the original will be removed and a new killer bunny spawns in a random location; only one killer bunny can be present on the map at any given time
  • About a minute later, the killer bunny catches up to Dez and kills him thanks to Axel reversing the map direction again.
    Dez: AY WHAT THE F-
    Hakka: Get got, motherfucker!
• The gang plays Grifting Gifts.^note Steal as many gifts from your opponents before time runs out Chaos ensues. Altare wins.
  Flayon: LEADER SWEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!
• Axel suggests that the rest form an alliance to kill Bettel for he is in first place.
  Bettel: Oh, oh, please. Sounds familiar.
  • Shinri later chips in with his comment, to which Bettel agrees:
    Shinri: Honestly, you can just leave Bettel to his own devices and he'll just- he'll overthrow himself.
• Hakka uses a wrecking ball on Axel. Axel is not particularly pleased.
  Axel: What the fuck did I do to YOU?! WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?!
• To add insult to injury, Dez uses another wrecking ball on Axel.
  Axel: Are you fucking kidding me?
  (gets hit by wrecking ball)
  Axel: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
• The EN curse strikes again in the stream, with Axel's Discord malfunctioning for a good two minutes or so.
• After Axel's Discord is fixed, Shinri states he was going to use an item that he had saved for "a very special someone". Guess who he uses it on.
  Shinri: Hey. So, remember there was a thing that was said about how I was gonna save an item for, like, a very special surprise? In the future?
  Everyone else: Yes!
  Shinri: Guess who only has nine health.
  • As a result of this, Axel gets hit by three wrecking balls three turns in a row. He stays dead silent throughout the entire ordeal. Shinri's justification for doing this was to "balance out" the trophy count. Shortly after, he lands on a reaper tile and gets injured.
• Dez gets killed by the killer bunny a second time in a row.
• The gang plays Selfish Stride.^note Select a bridge discreetly in an attempt to get keys on the other side - if two or more players select the same bridge, those players fall to their deaths Bettel, not understanding how the game works, dies two rounds in a row. Axel wins the game.
• Flayon can't decide who to kill using a wrecking ball. He decides to close his eye and randomly pick. Bettel is the unlucky shmuck.
• Altare opens a present... and gets sucked into the present, losing his turn.
• Bettel gets his third goblet, gets to an item tile and obtains a giga laser,^note This item is not used throughout the game and, true to form... lands on a hazard tile, gets hit by falling space debris and nearly dies. At this point all the others agree to gang up on Bettel.
• Hakka uses a magnet to suck some keys and a boxing glove out of Bettel's inventory. The rest of the gang is in disbelief, with Dez outright stating that the magnet is broken. Hakka says this line:
  Hakka: Get sucked, motherfucker.
  Viewers: AYO
• The gang plays Sorcerers Sprint. The game goes quite well until Dez begins to complain about lack of visibility as everyone is all clumped up together. Cue the rest of the gang running into archways and gravestones and dying. Altare wins by a hair over Dez.
• Altare switches places with Hakka right behind Bettel using a swap portal. Hakka takes out a shotgun and kills Bettel.
  Hakka: This is for poaching me.
• Bettel kills Altare with a wrecking ball, despite the gang egging him on to use the giga laser.
• Axel uses a swap portal to switch places with Hakka, teleporting the latter away from the chest. Hakka does not take it well.
  Hakka: No... no, you bastard. You fucker.
• Flayon drops a beehive on Bettel as revenge.
  Flayon: You did it to me earlier! It's just payback, Bettel! What the hell's your problem?!
  • Flayon then rolls a 6, steals Bettel's keys... and then loses them immediately after due to getting killed by the killer bunny.
• The gang plays Breaking Blocks.^note Similar premise to Perfect Match in Fall Guys, where players need to get off vibrating platforms before they plunge to their deaths The game goes quite well until the end of the game, where Hakka, Altare, Dez and Bettel can't get out of the falling platforms in time and all plunge to their deaths. Bettel wins the game; Dez begins to mald.
  Dez: HOW DID YOU GET FIRST?! I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
  Flayon: It's the max luck stat!
  Dez: He fell a millisecond before everyone?!
• Bettel uses an eggplant on Axel. Axel subsequently starts singing praises about Bettel; true to form, Bettel doesn't buy it.
  Axel: Bettel, you a cool guy, man. I respect you in every single most way, y'know what I'm sayin'?
  Bettel: LIAR!
• Hakka uses a swap portal on Axel... on his final turn. Axel tries to caution him about it to no avail. Hakka realizes and begins malding.
  Axel: You're not gonna get to move! This is the final- this is the final turn!
  Hakka: I will! I will!
  (game shows that it is Altare's turn)
  Hakka: WAIT WHAT?!
  Axel: It's the final turn, you dumbass!
  Hakka: GODDAMMIT!
  Axel: THAT'S WHY I TOLD YOU!
• Altare kills Axel with a shotgun while referencing Judge Magni and Axel pleading for him to kill someone else.
• Dez uses a swap portal on Hakka, ending his turn but putting himself away from all the action going on. Shinri quips that the game is chaos.
• Axel uses a magnet to suck a significant amount of keys from Altare. He then rolls a 3 and walks into a pile of keys... only to realize that they're his and he can't pick them back up until the next round, of which there is none. He begins malding.
• Shinri decides to test his magnet on Axel, wondering whether it would suck his keys from such a range.^note About three tiles away diagonally It works and Shinri sucks his keys and a health kit and begins laughing hard.
• True to form, Bettel gets killed by the killer bunny one last time before the Pummel Awards begin.
• Shinri voices the results in dramatic fashion. Hakka wins for most damage dealt, Axel for most keys collected and Dez for winning the most minigames; all three are awarded goblets for their efforts. This, combined with Dez's swap portal in his last turn, is enough to gift him the victory by a hair over Axel.
  Most spammed chat message: MAGSWEEP

Third collab (22 July 2023)

• The TEMPUS gang holds a Pummel Party collab to celebrate Vanguard's six-month anniversary, featuring all members of TEMPUS (with the exception of Dez and Vesper, who were on hiatus). First, Bettel complains about his "moving arc".
• The guys start a 25-turn game on Pummel Prison. The gang rolls dice to decide the turn order. Bettel is happy, rolling an 8. Axel is less than pleased, rolling a 1, and begins malding.
  Bettel: EIGHT!
  Axel: UWAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
  • That is, until, Flayon rolls a zero, putting his turn in dead last.
    Flayon: WHAT?!
• Flayon takes notice of Altare's cape and talks about it. Bettel is unamused.
  Flayon: Oh, cute cape, Altare!
  Altare: Oh, thank you!
  Bettel: That's the same cape I have, why don't you say that about me?
  Flayon: I already praise you all the time, you needy bitch!
• Altare is displeased at Axel looking at the map.
  Altare: Oh, look at this tryharding guy...
  • Shinri agrees.
    Shinri: Wow. Looking at the map, plotting the- this is metagaming.
• The gang plays Pummel Punch.^note A "fighting game" of sorts Chaos ensues, with loads of screaming and malding. Axel and Hakka tie for the win with -3 points.
  • Post-Pummel Punch, Bettel has an important question.
    Bettel: What the fuck was that bullshit?
• Axel uses a present, having forgotten what it did, and gets teleported to the chest. He soon realizes he doesn't have enough keys to unlock the chest, much to his chagrin.
• Shinri thinks he's escaping the prison but lands on a police tile,^note Loses 5 health and keys getting caught in the process.
  Shinri: I'm free! I'm free! I'm out of the prison! See ya later, suckas! Ahahahaha! (gets caught)
• Hakka calls Flayon out for looking at the map. Flayon angrily declares he would not look at the map any more.
  Flayon: Wow, he's metagaming! What a fucking coward!
• The gang plays Laser Leap. Shinri makes a declaration.
  Shinri: I'll have you know I've been playing hopscotch since I was a youngster.
  • Altare has a request for Axel.
    Altare: Axel, be a little nicer!
    Axel: Fuck that shit! I don't wanna be nice to you in this game!
  • Altare wins. Hakka celebrates.
    Hakka: I'm sixth, baby! Let's go!
• Altare offers to spare Bettel if he apologized, which the latter does. He walks forward to claim the first goblet of the game.
• Bettel gets sent back to the beginning, having landed on an escape tile.^note Return to start; earn a goblet if you land directly on tile at the end of a roll He subsequently lands on a reaper tile.
  Bettel: Oh my goodness, I'm back at the beginning! That's so much fun! (lands on a reaper tile) DAMMIT!
• Flayon skewers Altare and Bettel with a rocket skewer.
  Axel: Right up the ass, bro!
• Flayon has a "joke" at Shinri's expense.
  Flayon: Wow! He really predicted that one! (corny laughter)
  Bettel: What's your fuckin' problem?
  Hakka: Yeah! What's your problem?
  Flayon: There are many problems. Which one would you like to know about first?
  • Flayon goes into a mini rant regarding his first problem on request of Hakka and Bettel.
    Flayon: Okay it all starts with my worldview that I believe that people want to be mean to me which is contradictory and also it pushes people away from me and-
• The gang plays Bounding Blocks.^note Capture as much territory as possible; players cannot step into each other's territory Bettel makes a comment.
  Bettel: Guys, one of these games are like Fall Guys, I just wanted you to know...
  • Due to apparently not reading the instructions, the gang malds at being trapped. Bettel in particular...
    Bettel: I didn't know how this works, bro! Dude, get off of me! I don't want to play any more! Flayon's being an asshole!
  • Shinri wins with Flayon a close second.
• Hakka talks about normal people apparently peeing in the snow to write messages. Flayon has some concerns.
  Flayon: Normal people or you?
• Altare kills Flayon with a shotgun, the first kill of the game.
  Flayon: ARE YOU FUCKING (devolves into Angrish)?!
  Altare: Sorry Flayon, you're my rival now. You got a chalice. I want your chalices.
• Hakka rolls a 9 and walks to the item tile "to take one for the team" by preventing Axel from getting an item. He receives a nuclear waste barrel.^note Bloats the player's head and hands, preventing them from using items and damaging them over three turns; this effect persists after death
  Hakka: You know what? I'm gonna take one for the team and go here, because you know what? Fuck you, Axel Syrios.
• The gang plays Pack and Pile.^note A stacking game similar to some arcade games Bettel and Axel are excited.
  Bettel: WAIT I LIKE THIS GAME!
  Axel: Dude, I am cracked at this game! I am fucking cracked at this shit!
  • Axel complains about lag, claiming it "isn't fair".
  • Altare wins; Hakka comes in second and laughs loudly, thinking he won. Bettel and Axel struggle, with Bettel slamming his table multiple times.
• Altare uses a rocket skewer to kill Bettel, landing near the chest. He hopes for a zero due to his lack of keys, but rolls an 8 instead to his chagrin.
• Hakka lands on a police tile but nothing happens.
  Altare: Bye Hakka- oh.
• Ever the Butt-Monkey, Flayon uses a wrecking ball on Bettel.
  Bettel: I'm having so much fun. Hit the guy in sixth place with a fucking wrecking ball. That's so much fun.
• Shinri gets a goblet while the rest talk about paintball. Axel notices something.
  Axel: Holy shit... I'm always far away from the chest, man. What is going on, bro?
• Hakka has a quip at Axel after checking his map.
  Hakka: I'm so proud of you, Axel. You already know how to count. (sniffs)
  Axel: I'll beat the shit outta you, man!
• The gang plays Explosive Exchange.^note Hot potato, but with explosives After Shinri eliminates himself using the bomb, the rest try to find the bomb. Bettel inches out from his hiding spot and realizes he has the bomb, screaming bloody murder while the rest laugh.
  Bettel: AHHHHHHHHHH!
  • As he carries the bomb attempting to pass it to others, he begins to panic.
    Bettel: WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT! (devolves into gibberish)
  • The bomb explodes. Bettel asks an important question. Shinri subsequently imitates Bettel's panicking.
    Bettel: Dude why did it give me the FUCKING BOMB?!
  • With Flayon and Axel left, an intense battle begins. Axel wins.
    Flayon: Why did you give it to me?
    Axel: Because you're the only one left, you dumbass!
• Axel gets an eggplant as a reward. Altare, Flayon and Hakka quip.
  Altare: I got the eggplant. That's kinda ass, man...
  Flayon: No, they have their uses.
  Altare: They give you an upgrade.
  Hakka: To compensate?
• Axel sucks keys and a tactical cactus disguise out of Bettel using a magnet...
  Bettel: So fuckin' fun. I'm having a lot of fun today.
  • ...before he lands on a police tile, gets sent back to the start and gets his recently-earned keys and a boxing glove sucked out of him by Flay!
    Axel: OH SHIT!
• Bettel, ever The Chew Toy, lands on a police tile after his recent string of bad luck. He cackles maniacally as he gets caught.
• The gang plays Daring Dogfight. Hakka dies instantly while Bettel attempts to get used to the controls.
  (plane exploded)
  Bettel: OH! I'M UPSIDE DOWN!
  Hakka: Me too! I just died!
  • Shinri realizes the inverted controls.
    Shinri: Oh my God these are inverted controls. Why are they inverted controls?!
  • Axel malds at the controls.
    Axel: I hate these- I hate these fucking controls, man! Dogshit game, bro! Dogshit game, bro! Dogshit game!
  • Bettel and Hakka tie for the win with five kills each.
    Hakka: It's a tie, baby! It's the war criminals!
    Bettel: We're in prison, after all.
• Bettel makes a declaration as he rolls to start his turn.
  Bettel: Yes I get to go first! Time to get a 10!
  (rolls a 4)
  Shinri: Good try.
• Hakka drops a beehive on Bettel, reviving an old Running Gag.
  Altare: Bees!
  Bettel: The f-
  Hakka and Flayon: UNLEASH THE BEES!
  Bettel: WHY?! WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM?! I'M IN LAST PLACE!
  • Bettel chalks his string of bad luck to him winning Mario Party twice in a row.
• Axel proclaims his love for bullying Bettel. As he justifies his choice for it, he rows a two and steps on a reaper tile.
  Axel: Bullying Bettel, you get the most reaction out of it. It's the most- FUCKIN' HELL- entertaining game.
• Continuing this string of bullying Bettel, Flayon kills him with a boxing glove.
  Altare: Poor guy...
• The gang plays Breaking Blocks. Flayon and Hakka mock Bettel.
  Flayon: Oh my God this is just like-
  Hakka: It's just like Fall Guys!
  • Shinri can't tell which blocks are moving and which ones aren't.
    Shinri: My eyes... my old eyes, I can't see!
  • Altare, Shinri and Bettel fall at the same time. Bettel wins. Altare chalks Bettel's victory up to the game "pitying" him.
    Bettel: YAY! HA HA! GORBIUS REIGNS SUPREME!
• Post-Breaking Blocks, Hakka asks an important question.
  Hakka: What is the eggplant for aside from compensating?
• Bettel lands on a police tile and gets caught after winning the last game.
• Altare deliberates whether to use his boxing glove on Bettel or Axel. He chooses the latter, much to his chagrin, and earns 20 keys as a result.
  Axel What the fuck, Altare? Don't punch me, bro...
  (turns to face Bettel)
  Bettel: (in between laughter) Don't do it!
  (turns back to face Axel)
  Axel: Don't do it, Altare! I haven't done SHIT TO YOU, MAN!
• Shortly after killing Axel, Altare rolls an 8 and earns another goblet.
  Altare: It's good karma for what I just did to you, you know? Everybody needed to... get rid of you.
  • Shinri and the rest agree to gang up on Altare. Bettel calls them out for it.
    Shinri: We gotta focus fire on Altare.
    Bettel: No, you should just use more shit on Bettel, apparently.
    Shinri and Flayon: Okay!
• Hakka and Altare have a minor argument.
  Hakka: Yeah, I'm like, tired of like, feeling like shit. I want to feel alive again.
  Altare: Well, I'm like tired of your shit, so...
  Hakka: Aw shit, you're the one who hired me.
  Altare: You're fired!
  Hakka: Nope! I'm a permanent employee!
• Shinri goes down the path of the chest, realizing he does not have enough keys. He however lands directly on the escape tile, earning him a free goblet, to the gang's disbelief.
  Shinri: No! I don't have the keys! Sadge.
  (steps on escape tile, earns a goblet)
  Shinri: OH!
• The gang plays Sorcerers Sprint. Just after winning his first goblet, Shinri runs into a tombstone and dies.
  Shinri: My depth perception is bad.
  • Hakka runs into an archway. Axel does as Axel does: taunting Hakka...
    Axel: Aha! Eat shit, bitch!
  • ...before he himself runs into an archway and dies! The rest begin taunting him; Axel retaliates. Flayon and Altare run into a tombstone at the same time and win, being the last survivors.
    Axel: WHAT?! That lag bro! I couldn't get behind the wall!
    Everyone else: The lag...
    Axel: Hey hey hey! You all living in fuckin' NA and shit! Don't get too cocky!
• Flayon teleports Bettel using a swap portal.
  Bettel: He gave me a pity portal?!
• Shinri narrates a scene.
  Shinri: Up next on The Real Housewives of Guild TEMPUS...
• Bettel uses a beehive on Axel. He realizes that Axel has a tactical cactus disguise a little bit too late.
  Bettel: WHAT THE FUCK?!
• Annoyed, Bettel decides to escape in the hopes of getting a goblet.
  Bettel: Dude, I'm escaping; look at this, I'm gonna get a goblet just like Shinri.
  (Bettel teleports to start, with no goblet earned)
  Shinri: (wheezes)
  Flayon: That's life~♪
  Bettel: Wait, what?
  Hakka: (laughs) I don't think that's how he got the goblet!
• Hakka rolls a 3 and moves in the direction of the chest; he is one tile short and screams in response.
  Hakka: NO!
• Axel checks on Bettel's state of mind.
  Bettel: Terrible. Thanks for checking in; you should check in every other day and see what the answer is.
• The gang plays Animal Arithmetic. Bettel begins to mald.
  Bettel: OH NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Nooooooooo!
  • Soon after, the gang makes fun of Bettel not knowing what a raccoon is and his rant about foxes.
  • Hakka's spacebar malfunctions and fails to register his counts.
    Hakka: DUDE! This is not registering my count!
  • The game ends with everyone except Hakka in joint first.
• Shinri opens the present he received from Animal Arithmetic... and gets sucked in and loses his turn.
  Axel: Ah ha! He's goin' to hell.
• Flayon uses a map to find Hakka.
  Flayon: Where are you, Hakka?
  Hakka: None of your business, dude.
  Axel: He's in front of the chest on the left side, yo.
  Flayon: Oh okay, thanks.
• Bettel uses a rocket skewer to skewer Flayon, killing him. But before that...
  Bettel: Don't mind me as I use a rocket- how do I use it? Don't mind me as I use a rocket... [...] (skewers Flay) Get frickin' killed, bro.
  • He lands right next to Hakka.
    Bettel: BRO!
• Altare readies a swap portal and decides whether to use it on Bettel or Hakka in a dramatic fashion. Both, particularly Hakka, plead for Altare's mercy. Altare ultimately chooses Hakka.
  Altare: Nothing personal.
• Bettel and Axel form an alliance. Axel uses a wrecking ball on Altare.
  Axel: Bettel! I trust you! I will do some damage to him so next turn you get first in a minigame you get to kill him!
  Bettel: You got it bro! You got it bro!
  • Bettel realizes something.
    Bettel: (whispers) Axel had a portal! Why didn't he use it?
    Flayon: Uh, it's Axel.
• Hakka opens a present, stating that he's "a good boy". He gets sucked into the present and loses his turn.
  Hakka: I'm a good boy, I'm a good boy.
  (gets sucked into the present)
  Hakka: I see.
• The gang plays Rusty Racers.^note A top-down perspective driving minigame Bettel and Flayon fall off the course immediately.
  • Bettel realizes something and complains about the controls.
    Bettel: I think I just got lapped. [...] Dude, what is fucking wrong with these controls, bro?
  • Bettel figures out the controls and requests a do-over.
    Bettel: Oh, I get it now, I get it now! Can we start over?
  • Altare wins. Axel begins malding about the alliance.
    Axel: Fuck you Bettel, you couldn't even come first in that game. I worked so hard for you, Bettel! You dogshit! Ass! DOGSHIT! ASS!
• Flayon calls Axel out for his mood swings. Altare gets another goblet shortly after.
  Flayon: What is wrong with you?! You're nice one second and toxic the next!
• Axel and Bettel believe the game is rigged against them and suggest quitting, shutting the stream off and requesting a refund. Meanwhile, Flayon gets a nuclear waste barrel.
• Bettel, thinking he would get a goblet by stepping on an escape tile, happily proceeds on. He gets no goblet.
  Bettel: Yes, a goblet!
  (Bettel teleports to start, with no goblet earned)
  • As Shinri explains how he got a goblet, Bettel walks onto a reaper tile and yells in frustration.
    Bettel: UUUUUUAAAAAARGHHHHHHHH!
• The gang plays Sandy Search.^note Use a vacuum cleaner to suck the sand to find a buried treasure Bettel finds the treasure and goes ham and wins.
  Bettel: OOH! I FOUND THE GOLDEN CUBE!
• Bettel kills Hakka with a boxing glove.
  Hakka: NO! You... son of a bitch! Just wait until I get my fucking visa! Just you fuckin' wait!
• Shinri heads to the chest but finds out he is one key short. He teleports back to the start using an escape tile.
• Altare opens a present and gets to choose the next minigame from a choice between Barn Brawl, Bouncing Balls and Altitude Attack. He chooses Bouncing Balls.
• Flayon uses an eggplant on Hakka. He then lands directly on the escape tile and gets a goblet.
  Hakka: You asshole. You fucking asshole.
• Due to Altare's choice, the gang plays Bouncing Balls.^note An altered version of Breakout The gang realizes that the game uses Kevin MacLeod music.
  • Altare makes a statement. He wins the game.
    Altare: Whoever wins this game is the best at playing with balls!
• Post-Bouncing Balls, Axel makes an admission.
  Axel: I talk so much about dick 'n balls but I guess I ain't the best of them...
• Altare uses a medkit on himself. Axel swears violence.
  Axel: More of a reason to kill him! Kill Altare! Kill Altare!
• Flayon uses a nuclear waste barrel on Axel, being egged on by the rest; this results in Axel being given a bloated appearance. Discovering he is unable to use items thanks to his bloated hands, Axel rolls just enough to get a goblet and gloats in response.
  Axel: See ya later, fuckers!
• The gang plays Sharky Swim. Bettel fails to understand the game. Shinri, Altare, Flayon and Hakka escape and win.
  Bettel: That is the worst game ever made.
  • Post-Sharky Swim, Hakka taunts Bettel and Axel.
    Hakka: I love water. (repeated multiple times)
    Bettel: SHUT UP!
    Axel: FUCK YOUUUUUUUU.
• Shinri uses a rocket skewer but fails to skewer anybody, to everyone's confusion.
  Shinri: Are you serious?! Are you serious? You guys- oh, you're kidding me! How did you all dodge that?!
  • Shortly after, he gets a goblet from a chest, with Bettel, Altare and Axel agreeing to gang up on him. Shinri taunts them in response.
    Bettel: Let's kill Shinri. I've always wanted to.
    Altare: Yeah, I've always wanted to kill Shinri.
    Axel: Yeah, I've always wanted to kill Shinri too, man. Honestly.
    Shinri: I'd like to see you all try.
  • Shinri then lands on an escape tile and gets yet another goblet! This puts him in the lead with four goblets, much to Axel's chagrin. Bettel jokingly suggests quitting.
    Bettel: What?! Dude, you're nuts! I quit. I don't wanna play anymore.
• Flayon opens a present and gets to choose a minigame; he has a choice between Word Wars, Altitude Attack and Motor Mayhem. Asking Bettel for advice, they choose Word Wars, with Bettel slipping up and saying something else. Axel panics, telling Bettel to "keep it PG".
  Bettel: I'm a big fan of World- World War- Word Wars.
• Altare uses a magnet on Bettel, with the latter discouraging him to do so as he would scream. As a result, Bettel lets out a girly-sounding scream, with Altare getting Bettel's eggplant.
  Altare: I GOT HIS EGGPLANT!
  Bettel: You sucked the eggplant out of me?!
  • Axel has a suggestion for Altare. Bettel makes a comment at Axel, knowing the full irony of his previous comment. Axel takes it in stride.
    Axel: TWIST HIS DICK!
    Bettel: (laughs) Hey, this guy just said "family-friendly"!
    Axel: I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.
  • Hakka chimes in...
    Hakka: Uh, Bettel? Everyone has a penis, I'd like to let you know.
  • ...and so does Shinri!
    Shinri: The only thing that I like that starts with a P and ends with an S is potatoes!
• Bettel uses a swap portal on Hakka when the latter was just a tile away from the chest.
  Hakka: YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT! I WILL MURDER YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY!
• Axel, after having been damaged by the effects of the nuclear waste, lands on a reaper tile.
• The gang plays Word Wars.^note Spell words as fast as possible by punching letter tiles; if one person gets a word, the word for everyone else changes The first word they get...
  Hakka: ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE! Oh, Uranus!
  • Shinri gets very competitive on the appearance of the word "fish".
    Shinri: Fish! This is mine. This is mine! THIS IS MINE! Back off my fish!
  • The next word they get after fish?
    Hakka and Flayon: Dank?!
    Axel: Memez.
    Hakka: (imitates airhorn sound)
  • Shinri wins. Bettel begins malding.
    Bettel: WHY DID YOU PICK WORD WARS YOU FUCKIN'-
• Post-Word Wars, Altare reveals he gave up partway through and started griefing.
• Axel asks Shinri to kill him in an attempt to remove the effects of the nuclear waste. Shinri obliges, killing him and damaging Altare using an eggplant.
  • He would soon realize that the effects of the nuclear waste persists even after death, annoying him to no end.
    Axel: Yeah, this is good, this is good. (respawns) I STILL HAVE THE CURSE?! WHAT THE FUCK?! I DIED, MAN! Yeah fuck this game bro, fuck this game man, this game ass bro. This game is fuckin' ass, bro.
• Altare skewers Bettel with a rocket skewer. bringing him closer to the chest.
  Bettel: Are you fucking kidding me?
  • He then rolls a 9 to bring him to the chest, allowing him to receive another goblet. Axel lampshades Bettel's record in this game.
    Axel: Bettel just can't stop taking Ls, man!
    Bettel: What else is fucking new?
• Axel eggs Shinri to kill Altare now that they both have four goblets.
• Hakka uses an eggplant; it blows up with nobody nearby, wasting it.
  Shinri: I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end...
• Bettel attempts to escape but lands on a police tile and gets caught.
  Bettel: Aw, victory is min-
  Flayon: You can't make this shit up.
• The gang plays Fractured Faces. Everyone moans at the game; Bettel tries to boost his ego and confidence.
  Bettel: Watch out, you guys! I'm very good at this one!
  • All of Bettel's confidence goes down the drain as he figures out the controls.
    Bettel: I don't wanna play any more.
  • Bettel continues to struggle and ends up half-assing his portrait while everyone else had completed, finishing in dead last. Altare wins.
    Bettel: HELP! This is not like Fall Guys!
• Post-Fractured Faces, Bettel pleads for mercy. This request gets shot down instantly by Axel.
  Bettel: (fake crying) Guys I've had a really stressful day, maybe you should let me win a little bit.
  Axel: I mean, we're not stopping you any more, you just can't win yourself!
• Flayon opens a chest to get a goblet, with Bettel and Altare "egging" him on, wanting him to win.
  • He then steps on a police tile. Nothing happens.
• Axel uses a swap portal on Bettel... who is at the starting point.
  Bettel: Why would you ever? I'm at the starting point! (in between laughter) What the fuck is wrong with you?
• Hakka pours another nuclear waste barrel on Axel.
  Axel: This is bullying, man! Bro I'm constantly getting bullied out here! Holy fuck, bro!
  Hakka: Yeah, shut up, big head boy.
• Bettel opens a present and gets to choose the next minigame, with Barn Brawl, Magma & Mages and Rotor Race offered. Bettel chooses Rotor Race and gloats.
  Bettel: Oh, you guys are in big trouble on... Rotor Race. I'm a big fan of Rotor Race. You guys are in big trouble.
• The gang plays Rotor Race.^note A plane racing minigame Bettel is excited.
  Bettel: YES! It's a plane!
  • While Axel gets lost and crashes, Bettel is in the lead. Axel begins flinging insults at Bettel.
    Bettel: I like all the plane games 'cause you get to fly plane!
    Axel: You're so filthy, Bettel! You're so crusty, you're so filthy, you're so smelly...
    Altare: My gosh, Axel... AXEL! PLAY NICE!
  • Bettel wins and gloats.
    Bettel: Oh, a sad day! Oh ho ho ho!
• Shinri uses a wrecking ball on Altare, who attempts to gaslight the others claiming it isn't him. The ball takes out his tactical cactus disguise in the process.
  Altare: I'm fighting my life here, okay? I think I'm allowed to lie.
  • Shinri then rolls a 6, landing directly on an escape tile and earning himself another goblet, much to Altare's anguish. With Shinri now having five goblets, the game ends with 17 turns played and the Pummel Awards begin.
    Altare: WHAAAAAAAT?!
• The Pummel Awards commence. Altare wins the award for the most damage dealt... and the most minigames won... and the most keys gained. This takes his total goblets to seven goblets, winning handily over Shinri. The viewers collectively declare the game as rigged.
• The gang decide to play another round of Pummel Party, this time on Rival Arena. The gang change up their accessories; Hakka now has a unicorn hat, Bettel a paper bag with a scary face... and Shinri a Hatsune Miku wig.
• The gang decides turn order again. Flayon gets another zero, putting him in dead last in turn order. Again.
  Flayon: Ah, I love it...
• Hakka realizes his in-game name is "Player".
• The gang gets into a discussion about laser tag. Bettel calls Altare out for something.
  Bettel: Pretty cool, huh? I bet you sweat in laser tag. I bet they say "no running" and "no climbing" but you do all of it and you go prone in laser tag, you fucking sweatlord.
  • Altare says he cheated in laser tag, on the grounds of him being granted special power ups whenever he had a birthday party hosted there.
  • Axel recalls an event where he meleed a school bully in the back of his head using his blaster out of anger. He later justifies his choice and segues back to talking about the game.
    Axel: That kid, the fuckin' bully, he was rubbing his head for the whole fuckin' session, like it hurt him.
    Bettel: You gave him brain damage, bro!
    Axel: Yeah, thank fuck, bro! Maybe that's why you gotta fuckin' resort to bullying people. That's why I'm gonna bully you too, Bettel.
  • Bettel calls Axel out for this statement, with Hakka chiming in.
    Bettel: I don't bully people! I'm the bullied!
    Hakka: Yeah, shut up, bully! That's what a bully would say!
• The gang plays Altitude Attack.^note A mix between Time Pilot and Joust Cue Bettel getting spawnkilled numerous times and the others calling hacks. Flayon wins.
  Bettel: I just got spawnkilled. I'm being spawnkilled! That is incredible, that's so much fun! I'm being spawnkilled! I'M BEING SPAWNKILLED! This is crazy!
• Post-Altitude Attack, Flayon makes a comment which Bettel takes offense to.
  Flayon: I like it when you whine. It's so funny.
  Bettel: Shut up. I'll throw you a thousand miles. Don't.
• Hakka lands on an hazard tile and gets sucked by a pipe.
  Altare: Player Sweep! Oh...
• Axel's defense mechanism.
  Axel: I wanna see Bettel get squashed by a hydraulic press.
  Bettel: Axel, I will... I will... I will pick you up and throw you soooooooooo far.
  Axel: Yeah, smell my shit, bro! I'll make you smell my shit, man!
• The gang plays Mystery Maze. All of them complain at the game being chosen.
  • Altare and Shinri are in a dead heat. Shinri gets a little bit too overconfident...
    Shinri: Ha ha ha! See you late- (falls) arrgh!
  • Altare finishes first and wins.
    Altare: Yay!
    Axel: Altare why are you SO SWEATY?!
  • Bettel glitches into the map and pleads for help.
    Bettel: Guys, I'm stuck. What is wrong with me? Help! Please help, I'm stuck! I'm literally stuck! I CAN'T MOVE BACK! [...] I can't move! Altare, please help me! I'm sorry for what I said! You're so cool!
  • The game ends with Hakka, Axel and Bettel in joint fourth.
    Hakka: You know what they say about people in fourth place? Um...
    Bettel: That is actually so fucked up! I have no words for what just happened!
• Altare opens a present and gets to choose the next minigame; he has a choice between Motor Murder, Spooky Spikes and Crown Capture. He chooses Motor Murder. In the meantime, Bettel and Axel shittalk each other.
  Axel: Bettel, let's come- let's accept it: you're shit with minigames, yo.
  Bettel: Accept what?
  Axel: You're shit with minigames. Let's just... y'know.
  Bettel: Dude. Fight me in Mario Party. I win. Easy.
  Axel: I'll throw the controller at you, bro! And you'll die!
  Bettel: I'll catch it with my mouth!
• Axel opens a present and gets to choose the next minigame; he has a choice between Rolly Ragdolls, Searing Spotlights and Acidic Atoll. He chooses Acidic Atoll. This overwrites Altare's choice, who reacts in disappointment.
  Altare: I chose the last minigame! Aww...
• The gang plays Acidic Atoll.^note Stay on land as it is being destroyed beneath you by bombs and other means Bettel walks off the land and falls into the acid immediately, being the first to die.
  Bettel: I just- that's unbelievable. Am I dead for good? I'm dead for good!
  • Axel wins by a hair and rubs it in Bettel's face.
    Bettel: Dude, I'm so good at this one.
    Axel: You're just trash at everything, bro.
• Axel engages in conversation with Flayon on matters of great importance.
  Flayon: Axel, you know what sex is?
  Axel: Oh. Yeah, for sure, bro. I'm a pro at it!
• Bettel issues a threat to Axel.
  Bettel: Axel, I'm gonna pull out your molars!
  Axel: What's a molar, man?
• Flayon uses a wrecking ball, deliberating between Bettel and Axel. Bettel says something which he probably shouldn't have said, earning him a wrecking ball to the face.
  Axel: Kill Bettel, bro! (wrecking ball crosshair on Axel) FUCK YOU, man! I swear to fuckin' God...
  Bettel: Dude, why would you kill me? I'm so cute.
  (switches crosshair to Bettel)
  Flayon: (bursts into laughter) I'm killing you just for that!
  Bettel: (gets hit by wrecking ball) WHAT?!
• Hakka and Axel shittalk each other as the former opens a chest and earns a goblet, the first of the game.
  Axel: Yo, Hakka looks very killable too, man!
  Hakka: Shut the fuck up, dude! Don't project your insecurities on me just 'cause you're a little bitch!
  Axel: You're a piece of shiiiiiiit!
  Hakka: Yeah yeah yeah, I learned from you, asshole! Open. (opens chest, fanfare plays) Fuck you!
• The gang plays Grifting Gifts. Shinri and Bettel call a truce. This is broken not even a second later. Chaos ensues.
  • Everyone is so obsessed with fighting each other that nobody notices Flayon is busy accumulating gifts! Flayon wins as a result.
• Axel gives Bettel a "chance" by challenging him to Paddles using the arcade machine. Bettel is notably quite fired up about this.
  Bettel: OH, REMATCH?! REMATCH?! LET'S FUCKING GO!
  • Thoughout the game, Axel complains about lag, with the ball going through his paddle multiple times! Bettel actually wins this time and gets a goblet!
    Bettel: Oh, it looks like I, Gavis Bettel, win the rematch! (maniacal cackling)
    Axel: Oh no...
• A minor argument breaks out between Flayon and Bettel.
  Flayon: Why are you so salty?
  Bettel: Flayon, shut up.
  Flayon: SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!
  Bettel, Flayon, Hakka, Altare: (dramatized fake crying)
• The gang plays Slippery Sprint. Bettel starts gloating.
  Bettel: I am very good at this one. I'm very good at this one. Just like Fall Guys.
  • Axel wins, with Bettel coming in a close second.
• Axel breaks the truce with Bettel after Bettel sucks keys and a tactical cactus disguise out of him.
  Bettel: Oops, misclick. Sorry, I thought that was supposed to give you keys.
• Altare opens a chest, earning his first goblet. Axel immediately switches targets, while Bettel is perplexed at the chest's location.
  Altare: Yay!
  (opens chest, fanfare plays)
  Altare: We gotta kill Altare.
  Bettel: Wait what the fuck? That's where it was?
• Bettel offers a truce to Axel, who angrily shoots the idea down immediately.
  Bettel: Dude, Axel, let's make a truce so we can kill Altare, bro.
  Axel: Fuck you, you piece of shit!
• Shinri, hoping for something good, lands on the starting point. Nothing happens.
  Shinri: Alright, give me something good! Please!
  Altare: A new car!
  Flayon: You get a car, you get a car!
  (Shinri lands on tile)
  Shinri: Wait, is that- seriously, nothing?
• Flayon uses a present on Axel's insistence. He gets sucked into the present, losing his turn.
  Axel: Use your present! You got a present, Flayon!
  Flayon: Okay I'll trust you.
  Axel: Use your present! Just watch him get swallowed into hell.
  (actually gets swallowed into the present)
  Flayon: Oh I can trust you, thanks.
• The gang plays Billiard Battle.^note Extreme snooker, basically; whack as many balls as you can into the various pockets while knocking others out of the way, hitting a ball claims it as your own until someone else hits it Bettel makes his usual boasts.
  • Shinri realizes that others can claim balls as their own by hitting them. Flayon makes a quip.
    Shinri: Wait! You can take someone else's color ball away?
    Flayon: Yeah. It's called NTR.
    Altare: National Tempus Radio?
  • Hakka makes a comment.
    Hakka: You're pretty skilled with balls, huh?
  • Axel accuses Shinri of cheating.
  • Bettel and Axel finish joint first with five balls pocketed.
• Post-Billiard Battle, Bettel immediately calls a truce with Axel, which Axel vehemently declines.
  Bettel: (unintelligible) Axel, dude! What's up, bro?! Ha ha! High five, man! Truce! That's awesome!
  Axel: Oh, fuck yo truce! Fuck yo bitch ass truce, man! I will kill you, bro. I. Will. Kill. You.
• Axel skewers Bettel with a rocket skewer while ranting against him. Bettel lets out a girly scream.
  Axel: Like I said, I will fucking kill you man!
  Bettel: Don't. Don't. I'm gonna scream.
  Axel: Eat. My. Fucking. Dick. Bro.
  • Bettel claps back after being skewered.
    Bettel: Dude, meal? More like a fucking appetizer.
• Bettel attempts to use a boxing glove on Axel, being egged on by Altare. He wastes the boxing glove.
• Flayon attempts to process the quips and shittalking.
  Flayon: What the fuck, yo? Did you- I'm just trying to survive! What the f- do you guys question yourselves when you say this shit?
  Altare: No! I say it without thinking! That's the point!
  Flayon: I think the key point is that you're not thinking!
• Hakka skewers Shinri with a rocket skewer and nearly skewers Bettel... but he just so happens to be standing out of the way and does not get skewered.
  • As revenge, Shinri gives Hakka a wrecking ball to the face.
• The gang plays Elemental Escalation.^note Essentially Turf War in Splatoon but with orange power crystals which allow the user to claim a large amount of territory Bettel wonders how to play.
  Bettel: How do you play?
  Shinri: WASD.
  • Axel isn't particularly happy with his element.
    Axel: Why am I fucking nature, bro? Fuck nature, bro!
  • Shinri wins by a hair over Hakka.
• Post-Elemental Escalation, Axel threatens to kill Flayon.
  Axel: I'll kill you, Flayon. I'll kill you. I will stick chopsticks up your nose and kill you, bro.
  Flayon: DO IIIIITTTTT! Okay.
  • Axel describes the manner in which he kills Flayon.
    Axel: I'll like stick it up your nose and then I'll like stir up your brain with the fucking chopsticks.
    Hakka: Good luck finding something there!
    Flayon: There's a new insult every five seconds and I love it.
• Bettel, still intent on getting a truce, attempts to ask Axel to truce. He instead gets doused with nuclear waste and screams in response.
  Bettel: Joke's on you! My ego has increased by two times!
• The gang plays Mortar Mayhem.^note Memorize the patterns and move accordingly to dodge the mortar blasts Flayon, Shinri, Bettel and Hakka die in quick succession. Bettel immediately begins rooting for Altare to win, while Axel complains about Altare being sweaty.
  Axel: Altare, just die already man, you sweaty fuck!
  Flayon: I think you sound sweaty!
  • Axel messes up and dies to a mortar blast. Altare wins.
    Bettel: The prophecy has foretold...
• Altare kills Axel with a shotgun and gets sucked by the vacuum system, having landed on an event tile. Axel immediately commands the rest to kill Altare to prevent him from getting a goblet.
  Bettel: Such wise words from my partner in crime...
• The others repeatedly get sucked by the vacuum system.
• Bettel, hoping he rolls a nine, rolls a two and lands on an event space, forcing all players to go to a special area where they have to escape;^note Sort of like Monopoly's jail space the requirements to escape require the player to roll higher than a four or fail three times. All are perplexed.
• The gang plays Miniature Motors.^note A racing game where the you race Hot Wheels-styled miniature model cars around a house Cue Axel and Bettel crashing into walls. Altare wins.
  Axel: Who the fuck designed this house, man?! Get a fucking life!
  Bettel: Dude I'm trying to drive my Stuart Little car and I can't fucking get past this table!
• Altare escapes, gets the chest and another goblet. Cue a malding Bettel.
  Bettel: Are you fucking kidding me with this bullshit fucking piece of shit, fucking Altare? Piece of shit!
  • Axel agrees with Bettel, dropping his past beef with him and suggests a truce! Bettel agrees.
    Axel: Hey, I second that! Yo, we need to- we need to form a-
    Bettel: Dude, we should make a truce.
    Axel: Yeah, exactly.
    Altare: We need to form an alliance!
    Flayon: YOU ALREADY MADE A FUCKIN' TRUCE!
• Flayon kills Altare with a beehive, with Axel egging him on.
  • He then asks Altare for suggestions on which direction to go and takes Altare's suggestion. With Altare stating he "kinda wants Flayon to win", Axel suggests killing Flayon instead.
• Bettel escapes the holding area, with Hakka and Axel stating they'll likely not get out due to Bettel's bad karma.
• The next chest spawns right behind Shinri, much to his chagrin.
• Hakka, being the last person in the holding area, proudly proclaims he was going to roll a two. He actually rolls a two. As a result he loses his turn.
• The gang plays Rockin Rhythm.^note A Taiko no Tatsujin-styled rhythm game Hakka and Flayon mald at the game's premise, while Axel and Bettel are fired up.
  • Bettel game doesn't work. He finds out he's tabbed out.
    Bettel: Oh I was tabbed out.
    Hakka: You're so stupid.
    Bettel: Yup.
  • Altare wins. Bettel and Axel mald.
    Bettel: I had such a bad fuckin' start, man... why was I TABBED OUT?!
    Axel: Of course it's Al- so sweaty, so sweaty man!
• Post-Rockin Rhythm, Axel and Bettel threaten to break Altare's fingers and legs.
  Bettel: I'm gonna break his legs! No more dancing for you, motherfucker!
  Altare: Dear Mr. Genius, idol sama~♪
• Axel elaborates on his scheme on how to kill Altare. As they do it, Shinri opens a chest and gets a goblet.
  Axel: You know those like lamps in like the theater? When Altare's doing like his Live3D shit, I'm gonna like rig the fucking lights on the roof and I'm gonna drop it on him, bro. He's gonna die.
  • The next chest spawns behind Altare.
• Hakka, still stuck in the holding area, proclaims again he would roll a two. He rolls a four, just shy of the requirement and loses his turn again.
• The gang plays Aftershock Arena, with Axel getting extremely excited.
  • Bettel types a solitary "s" in the in-game chat.
    Axel: Dude, "s". What the fuck is "s", bro?
  • Being mowed down by Altare's laser, Bettel and Axel call cheats.
    Bettel: Dude, Altare, he's literally fucking god-modded. This is such bullshit! He knows where the power weapons are and just fucking wh- you're a piece of shit!
  • Bettel continues typing Angrish into the chat, this time typing "gfsd".
    Flayon: "gfsd"? You really are getting sweaty, Bettel.
  • Altare wins thanks to his laser.
• Post-Aftershock Arena, Altare opens a present. Axel hopes he "goes to hell". He actually gets sucked in and loses his turn.
• Bettel suggests a truce with Shinri.
  Bettel: Shinri, let's have a truce, bro.
  Shinri: I'm already in a truce with Altare!
  Bettel: Wow. You would side with the fucking winner! You coward!
• Hakka finally manages to escape, rolling an eight.
• The gang plays Gift Grab.^note Pick up as many gifts as possible from a moving conveyer belt, with speed increasing over time Axel and Bettel hurl insults at Altare and talk about their Christmas escapades.
  Axel: Christmas, we spend that shit together. We go rob fuckin' houses on Christmas because we don't want good kids to have presents! We need the presents! Fuck the good kids, man! They gotta be humble! And we need the presents instead!
  • Bettel gets assaulted by the onslaught of coal. Altare wins.
    Bettel: Axel, I'm gonna level with you, I thought I was doing well, bro.
• Axel opens a chest and gets a goblet. Both Axel and Bettel celebrate, claiming a "shared goblet pool", until...
  Altare: You can't just add it together...
  Axel: YEAH WE CAN! What do you mean?! It doesn't say anywhere in the rules you can't!
  Altare: Well... you know what, you're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
  • The gang later accuses Altare of backseating.
• Flayon kills Altare with a boxing glove and justifies his actions.
  Bettel: DUDE!
  Flayon: Dude I have a truce with you so it doesn't matter! It cancels out!
  Bettel: What the hell, he's right!
• Hakka uses a magnet, getting keys from both Altare and Flayon. He gets an eggplant.
  Hakka: I GOT THE EGGPLANT, BABY!
  Altare: I see how it is, Hakka...
  Hakka: Hey, listen. In this world, it's (girly accent) cool to be a girl!
• The gang plays Batty Batters. They immediately mald at the game's premise, particularly Bettel.
  Bettel: I don't understand. I don't fucking get this one- I've never gotten it- DOES IT HAVE TO GO OVER THE FUCKING HOLE?!
  • And it continues!
    Bettel: (unintelligible) IT GOES OVER THE FUCKING-
  • Altare wins with 809 points, Shinri comes in second. Bettel comes in dead last, with twelve points.
    Shinri: I think I have ping advantage from being host!
• Altare uses a rocket skewer to kill Hakka.
  Hakka: Oh no! Thank you for the ride though!
  Flayon: Yeah you got a ride, alright...
• Altare gets to an item space and gets a giga laser.^note This item is not used throughout the game All wonder what it is.
• Shinri teleports Altare to get him closer to the chest as part of their truce. Hakka makes a comment.
  Hakka: He just learned that word in GTA, leave him alone.
• Axel kills Hakka with a boxing glove.
  Axel: Why not let it fly!
  Hakka: Fuck you, man.
• Bettel talks about his performance in Batty Batters.
  Bettel: I got 12 in that baseball game.
  Altare: Wait, 12 total?
  Bettel: Twelve. Everyone else got hundreds. I got twelve. And like I saw that and I literally wanted to Alt F4.
• The gang plays Cannon Circle. Bettel, as usual, begins gloating.
  Bettel: Dude, this is literally my game.
  Flayon: You said that two games back!
  • As usual, Bettel is the first to die. He doesn't even realize it until the game's end screen! Altare wins.
    Bettel: Where am I? I'm dead?! (end screen) WHAT?!
• Post-Cannon Circle, Bettel makes an excuse. The rest go with it.
  Bettel: Guys, my little brother was playing, I'm back, what's up?
• Axel kills Hakka with a boxing glove. Again.
  Axel: Why not let it fly!
  Hakka: You son of a bitch!
• The gang plays Bullet Barrage. Bettel continues gloating.
  Bettel: Dude. You don't even wanna see me on this one. I don't wanna tell you guys... but I have a few hours on this one.
  • As usual, Bettel is the first to die. The rest later figure out they can double jump, while Bettel flubs another jump and dies again, making him the first out of the game.
    Bettel: Where am I? Am I dead for good?! I'm dead for good! That's so much fun. Like that is awesome. I'm glad we read the instructions.
    Hakka: Uh, Bettel, I think your brother still has the controls, by the way.
  • Axel wins. Bettel has a favor to ask of Axel.
    Bettel: Axel, my man. Axel, dude, next time tell me you can double jump, because that was a-
    Axel: But if I tell you, everyone's gonna know too, y'know!
    Bettel: Dude, you should've just told me, 'cause maybe we could've won together, you know!
• Shinri rolls a six and falls one space short of the chest.
• Altare sheds his tactical cactus disguise to drop an eggplant between Bettel and Axel's feet. Both swear violence.
  • This is followed up with Hakka using yet another eggplant and drops it between Bettel, Axel and Altare! The eggplant kills Axel in the process and leaves Bettel with one HP.
    Hakka: TRRRRRRRIPLE KILL!
• The gang plays Crown Capture. Bettel runs around the map with the crown, imitating Jeff Steitzer. He actually wins.
  Bettel: Yes! FUCK YES! FUCK YES!
• Bettel rolls a two and cracks into puns.
  Bettel: Dude, got a two! That's for you, my man! You and me! Two! Together!
• Shinri opens another chest, earning him another goblet. Axel is displeased.
  Axel: Kill him! At once!
  • Shortly after, Shinri loses his tactical cactus disguise to the vacuum system.
• Altare uses a rocket skewer to scoop up the keys and bring him nearer to the chest; he rolls again and opens it and gets another goblet. Axel is even less pleased.
  Axel: No. Ban him, bro!
• Axel uses a rocket skewer to skewer Hakka.
  Axel: Vroom vroom, bitch!
  Hakka: I don't like this game any more.
• The gang plays Spooky Spikes. Bettel tries to gloat but eats his words.
  Bettel: I'm so go- sorry. I'm not even gonna say I'm good at this one 'cause I'm not.
  • Contrary to his expectations, Bettel plays incredibly well, much to the astonishment of the rest, and actually is the only remaining survivor! He wins convincingly as a result.
• Post-Spooky Spikes, Bettel attempts to use a swap portal.
  Bettel: Thanks guys. And now, for the telepo- how do you use the- forget it. I don't care.
• Altare attempts to use a beehive, with Axel egging him on to use it on Hakka. Hakka does not take kindly to this.
  Hakka: Bro, shut the fuck up! Why do you- I know you have a mouth, but can you like refrain from using it?
  • Flayon makes a comment.
    Flayon: Hakka has the one-liners you wish you would have in an actual argument. It's always the rightly-timed ones. He's so good.
• Shinri, curious as to what a present does, opens one. He gets to choose the next minigame, with a choice between Barn Brawl, Speedy Sabers and Thunderous Trench. He chooses Barn Brawl to the displeasure of Bettel.
  Bettel: You're such a sick FUCK!
• The gang plays Barn Brawl. Flayon and Shinri start talking in a southern drawl.
  • Axel gets incredibly competitive, with Flayon being a particular target for him, having been killed four times in a row. Altare wins, with Bettel a close second.
• Altare skewers Axel and Flayon with a rocket skewer, with Axel screaming as he gets skewered.
• Bettel uses a swap portal on Altare to get him closer to the chest.
  • Axel uses a second swap portal on Altare, making up excuses as he does so.
  • Hakka then uses a third swap portal on Axel!
• With Flayon next to Altare, Axel eggs him on to use a boxing glove, which he refuses to do and rolls a four. Axel hurls an insult at Flayon due to not using the boxing glove, with Flayon clapping back with a remark.
  Axel: You're such a pussy, Flayon, holy fucking shit...
  Flayon: I am what I eat.
  Bettel: (bursts into extremely intense laughter)
• The gang plays Tunneling Tanks.^note Sort of like Worms, but with tanks Chaos ensues. Axel wins.
• Axel uses a swap portal on Hakka to "take back his territory". Altare voices his concern.
  Altare: Axel, you just wasted two turns!
  Axel: Doesn't fucking matter, bro! As long as I get the fucking (unintelligible)
• Bettel opens a chest, getting a goblet and delivers a monologue.
  Bettel: There it is, bro! There it is, my first actual goblet from a chest! Lovin' it, feelin' good, energy's sick!
  Shinri: On 1 HP too!
  • He immediately steps on a hazard tile and dies from the vacuum system in the process, losing a significant amount of keys. Axel immediately blames Bettel for dying. He stays dead silent throughout this entire ordeal.
    Axel: What the fuck- what the fuck Bet- dumbass?
• The gang plays Swift Shooters. Bettel says he's good at the game. Axel responds.
  Axel: Whenever you say you're shit at the game, you fuckin' win. Whenever you say you're good at the game...
  • A surprisingly high-stakes and intense game of Swift Shooters commences. Bettel actually wins the game.
• Bettel notices the huge pile of keys he dropped after his recent death and goes to get them.
  Bettel: (in mock British accent) Oh, so close yet so far. Seems I'm going to be retrieving my keys next round, I'm so sorry to say.
• Axel kills Flayon with an eggplant.
  Bettel: That's right. Violence is not the answer, but revenge is the best.
  Axel: No! Violence is the answer! What the fuck you on about? Violence is always the answer!
• The gang plays Selfish Stride. Bettel comments that he does not know how to play the game.
  • The gang attempts to throw each other off by claiming they'd be going for the gold keys, only for more than one person or nobody going for the gold.
  • Bettel has a strategy.
    Bettel: I'm, uh, not going for the gold. (wheezes)
  • Bettel somehow manages to win despite not understanding the mechanics of the game.
• Bettel uses a rocket skewer to attempt to pick up his dropped keys. He gets none, but does skewer Shinri in the process.
  Bettel: Look at these keys I'm about to get. (uses rocket skewer) Boom. (picks up none of his keys)
  (Altare snickers)
  Bettel: Why didn't I get them?
  • He does however pick up Flayon’s dropped keys from his recent death. Bettel later finds out he can't pick up his own keys and rants at the chat.
    Bettel: You can't pick up your own keys? Where were you guys 20 minutes ago? Is the backseat too comfy? You fall asleep?
• Shinri uses a wrecking ball on Bettel in an attempt to prevent him from picking up Flayon’s dropped keys.
• Altare rolls and picks up Axel's dropped keys.
  Bettel: We can't let him win again, Axel. Do you understand?
• The gang plays Memory Menu. The gang complains at the game being chosen.
  • Before the game starts, Flayon’s Pokémon Sleep tells him to go to sleep.
  • Bettel asks an important question.
    Bettel: What are those?
    Shinri: Those are vegetables!
  • The gang try to put apples into the pot but apparently are rejected.
  • Bettel creates a recipe and celebrates.
    Bettel: (in mock British accent) YES! I did it! Simply amazing!
  • Axel asks Altare to not tell Shinri how to create recipes.
    Altare: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! I'm not on your side! I'm telling him!
  • Bettel creates a second recipe and cackles in glee.
  • Axel wins and gloats.
    Axel: The shit I cook is bomb, bro. The shit you all cook... is shit!
    Shinri: We've seen you cook, Axel... we've seen you cook.
• Post-Memory Menu, Axel uses an arcade machine to challenge Bettel as part of his truce "strategy".
  Axel: Metagaming time, bitch! This time I'll win. On Road Dodge.
  • While playing Road Dodge, Axel starts shittalking Bettel.
    Axel: Look at yo dumbass, man- ah. Look at yo fuckin' slow dumbass, bro!
  • While shittalking Bettel, Axel starts making mistakes, pushing Bettel into the lead; Bettel proceeds to gloat.
    Bettel: You don't stand a chance, Axel. (cackles) You don't stand a chance against me! I win! I'M THE WINNER!
  • Axel, scoring a point, proclaims he is in the lead; not even a few seconds later, Bettel is crowned the winner against Axel with a 7-6 score and gets a third goblet.
    Axel: What?! You got 7?!
• Axel threatens to kill "everyone who is not in his alliance", singling out Shinri as his first target.
  Axel: Shinri, you're gonna be the first one I'm gonna kill. Don't worry; don't worry, I'll come for your ass first. Don't worry.
  Shinri: Wow.
  • Flayon discourages him from doing so, with Axel asking them to bring it on.
    Flayon: If you kill Shinri everyone will kill you.
    Axel: Come at me. I've got nothin' to lose!
• The gang plays Thunderous Trench. Shinri is selected as the lightning rod, with Axel and Bettel panicking.
  Axel: BETTEL, RUN!
  Bettel: Dude, Shinri, I didn't say anything bad about you! AAAAAHHHHHHH, SHINRI PLEASE! SHINRI! SHINRI LET ME LIVE!
  • Axel attempts to convince Shinri that they have a truce and attempts to get him to kill Altare.
  • Axel is doing well to direct Shinri to kill him but falls into the pit below and dies at the last second of the game. Altare, Hakka, Bettel and Flayon are joint first, with Axel in dead last.
    Axel: That's SO unfair!
    Bettel: Axel, what the fuck happened man?
    Axel: Bro, he just bullied me, man...
    Bettel: Making the team look bad, not gonna lie...
• Altare uses a swap portal on Axel. Flayon predicts his victory.
• What sounds like a performance car roars by on Hakka's stream.
  Bettel: What the fuck was that?
  Flayon: Lightning McQueen!
  Axel: You farted pretty loud there, bro!
  Hakka: I'm getting a lobotomy, bro! Sorry!
  Shinri: He's streaming from the NASCAR races!
• Bettel, trusting Axel's judgment, uses a present... and gets sucked in, losing his turn. An infuriated Bettel declares the end of their truce.
  Bettel: FUCK YOU, AXEL! TRUCE IS OVER!
  • Axel chalks this up to Bettel being "a bad person", with Bettel responding with a retort.
    Axel: Hey, just means you've been a bad person, you know. That's not my fault, that's like your luck, right? You do bad shit, bad shit comes back to you, you know? That's just how it is.
    Bettel: Dude, what bad shit have I done? I've been nothing but chill to you.
• As Bettel and Axel argue, Flayon skewers Axel with a rocket skewer, barely missing Shinri, much to Flayon’s relief.
  Axel: Oh no, not the Butt-Penetrator- (gets skewered) AHH!
  • Axel's body falls down into the acid below at high speed, amusing the gang.
• As revenge, Axel skewers Flayon with a rocket skewer...
  Axel: Why not? Why not let it FLY?!
  • ...again barely missing Shinri in the process.
    Flayon: Shinri has plot armor.
• The gang plays Snowy Spin, the final minigame. Axel is the first to get knocked off and rages.
  Axel: OI, BETTEL, BAKA!
  Bettel: DUDE, AXEL, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, BRO?! Put on your game face, man!
  • Hakka and Altare team up to knock Bettel off the platform, much to his consternation.
    Bettel: YOU FUCKS!
  • Hakka falls off the platform by accident and rages.
    Hakka: FUUUUUUUUUUCK!
  • Axel is the first to fall off again in round two.
    Axel: OI, HAKKA!!!!
  • In the third round, Flayon, Altare, Hakka, Bettel and Axel fall off the platform in quick succession. Altare wins.
• The final turn of the game is upon the gang. Flayon suggests another game.
• Bettel, trusting Axel's judgment, opens another present... and gets sucked in, losing his turn. Again.
  Bettel: YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! I FUCKING HATE YOU!
• Shinri kills Axel by skewering him with a rocket skewer. Axel immediately accused Shinri of cheating.
  Axel: Shinri, that's CHEATING- (dies)
  • He is shortly after sucked by the vacuum system.
    Axel: Eat shit!
• On Altare's insistence, Flayon shoots a shotgun into the crowd. The viewers respond in pain..
• On Bettel's insistence, Axel opens a present... and gets warped to the chest! Axel opens the chest, with a triumphant fanfare playing as he receives his second goblet.
  Axel: WOO HOO! CLUTCH, BABY! LET'S FUCKING GO! CLUUUUTCH!
  Shinri: No way!
  Altare: Hey, he's not gonna win anyways...
  • After stating that both keys and goblets matter, Axel loses all his remaining keys to the vacuum system.
• The Pummel Awards commence. Axel wins the award for the most damage dealt, Bettel wins the award for the most keys gained, while Altare wins the award for the most minigames won. Bettel wins the game with a total of four goblets.
• Post-game, Axel and Bettel decide on a name for their truce, until...
  Bettel: Look! Flayon's in a cage! Let's beat him up!