Deadpan Snarker: Live-Action TV
It's quite rare to find a TV show that doesn't contain this trope. Special Note: See the subtrope Servile Snarker — butlers and valets probably belong there rather than here.
- NBC sportscaster Bob Costas has made a career of sneaking in snarky deadpan comments into his broadcasts and commentaries.
- Conan O'Brien, former-Late Night and Tonight Show host, embodies this trope in regards to talk shows. He'll generally spend the entire show mocking audience reactions, expressing disbelief at the various jokes and bits (usually as he's performing them, no less), and generally ragging on guests' stories. And his remote bits, where he takes the snarking to a third location, usually to make an affectionate mockery of a place or activity. One could make the case that you need to be a deadpan snarker in the first place to be a successful comedy talk show host, but Conan's take on the format has been to rib it from every angle. The snarkiest Conan has gotten is definitely when he does a remote with Jordan Schlansky, one of his producers. Jordan's pompous tastes and unfazable demeanor provide Conan with endless amount of snark.
- Clive James: He is notorious for his dry, witty commentary, both in writing as during his commentary over video footage.
- Joss Whedon:
"I'll just jump into my time machine, go back to the 12th century, and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.""'Do you like my mask? Isn't it pretty? It raises the dead.' Americans!"
- Every one of his shows has a consistent Deadpan Snarker, who is also the "Joss Whedon" character on the show. However, virtually every character on every show does this at one point or another, as this trope is largely his Signature Style with regards to dialogue.
- On Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Oz is a preeminent example, though his snark was not usually pointed. Before and after he was on the show, though, snark was Xander's stock in trade.
Oz: That was my sarcastic voice.
Xander: Sounds a lot like your regular voice.
- Giles also did this a lot.
Tara: (clearly suppressing laughter) Muscle cramp? In your... pants?
- The show also has a self-appointed Deadpan Snarker in the form of Quentin Travers, the Head of the Watchers' Council, who twice arrives in town to tell everyone, in quite pointed, deadpan, and snarky terms, what a terrible job they're all doing. The failings of everyone on the team are plainly evident to him, but the fact that he's an authoritarian meanie means that even if he has a good point or two, the audience is free to dismiss those points because he "just doesn't know them like we do." Let's face it, except for Tara every regular character took their turn as this trope.
- Even then, Tara got in on it at least once. Case in point: "Older and Far Away", after she witnesses Buffy and Spike together, with Buffy's hand close to Spike's crotch area, Spike claims to have had a muscle cramp.
Tara: How's that cramp, Spike? Still bothering you? (grinning slyly) Maybe you should put some ice on it.
- And later, after Spike makes a suggestive comment to Buffy...
Faith: "You don't know how many men have said that to me." On being promised that she'd get off (the murder charges against her would be dropped).Faith: "Just like riding a biker." On getting back into slaying after her stint in prison.
- Buffy herself is also one of the show's main snarkers. She was often slinging some witty line at Giles for being too serious (or too british) or the Monster of the Week or something else.
- Faith likes this. Most of the time it's pretty adult.
Client: (upon learning she's not alone in having superpowers, turns to Cordelia) So what's wrong with you?Wesley: Where to begin?
- Giles' aunts in the Season 9 comics. Faith continues to be one.
- The caterpillar guy from the Wonderland comics of Season 9 seems to be in perpetual Sarcasm Mode.
- Whistler's quite a sarcastic fellow.
- Pre Badass Wesley when he was in a playful mood, very britishly so.
Dru: We're going to destroy the world. Want to come?
- Cordelia was this on Angel (until she left). The role was traded off between Fred and Gunn after she was gone, with Lorne providing backup and five-part harmony. And when Spike joined the show in season five...
- The unwillingly good (and unfailingly cynical) vampire Spike has always been a Joss Whedon Mr. Snarky, playing this role in both Buffy and in Angel. His parody of a conversation between Angel and a Distressed Damsel in "In the Dark" is awesomely hilarious. There's also:
Angelus:Yeah, I'm more interested in the Slayer.
Spike:Well, the Slayer's IN the world, so that should work out.(Spike takes a radio) Xander:Hey, that's my radio!
Spike:And you're what? Shocked and dissapointed? I'm evil.
- Angel himself is this at times.
- Connor, not as much as his parents, but he does have a few great one-liners.
- Every single member of Malcolm Reynolds's crew on Firefly- including Mal himself. Mild-mannered Simon is a frequent Gentleman Snarker, who doesn't stop even when there's a gun trained on him.
- On Dollhouse we seem to have Topher Brink as Mr. Snarky. Adelle DeWitt is much more Deadpan, much less Snark, and Ballard tends to run a little too hot to get in any deadpan. Naturally more than one of the imprints—a disproportionate number, one might say—have a taste for this sort of humor.
- The tradition continues on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. with Agent Coulson being so good at snark that at times he can communicate snark through facial expressions alone.
- Martin Freeman seems to specialise in this type of character. Like Tim Canterbury from the original version of The Office and his version of John Watson from Sherlock.
- Sara Gilbert in any role given to her, e.g. Roseanne or The Big Bang Theory.
- Alan Ereira in interviews and, most particularly, Kings And Queens Of England. His retrospective social commentary pokes fun at certain royals with some impressive subtle snarking.
- The 100: Murphy starts becoming one of these in Season 2. In a show filled with earnest, altruistic characters obsessed with "saving our people", Murphy's the one guy who doesn't give much of a crap what's going on and likes deflating others' sense of self-importance (particularly Jaha's).
- 24: This often applied to George Mason:
- Tony: I need your password.George: Hendrix.Tony: Is that with an "x"?George: How else would you spell it?
- 'Allo 'Allo!: Most of the characters, especially René. Helga's deadpan snarking also doesn't get enough credit.
- The Amazing Race: In Season 3, brothers Ken & Gerard were snarky towards practically everyone (especially Ian), but perhaps surprisingly they did so in a playful and non-vindictive way. Also from Season 3, Aaron & Arianne were a much more straightforward example in a very non-playful and vindictive way.
- American Gothic: Dr. Crower.
- American Idol: Simon is wildly known for his insults and trademark sarcasm towards contestants. During the first season he was also known for getting into fights with Paula. They still get into fights, but now there's a lot more UST.
- The Andy Griffith Show: Howard Sprague became the subject of one of the episodes for his talent on delivering a punchline in the truest fashion of the deadpan snarker. Because of this, the other characters see fit to recommend his appearance on a TV show. When he uses their names to improve his performance, he gets in trouble because they become insulted by them rather than recognizing them as jokes.
- Are You Being Served?: Mr. Harman was a Dead Pan Snarker, usually when the other characters started speaking down to him for being of a lower-class.
- Arrested Development:
Tobias: If this tableau I recreate, perhaps I can resnare my mate!
- Michael Bluth. He is in charge of the family business; it's just that no one listens to him. Often doubles as the Straight Man and the Only Sane Man.
- The narrator is a deadpan snarker:
Narrator: Gee, why wouldn't she want him back?
Michael: So then he's more popular than George Michael?
- Maeby more or less turns into one of these as the series progresses
Maeby: Well, that's like comparing apples and some fruit nobody's ever heard of.
- As Time Goes By: Lionel Hardcastle in this BBC show falls under this category.
Alistair: Can we have a locker room talk?
Lionel: I don't have a locker room, but you're perfectly free to talk.
- The A-Team: Murdock can be quite the snarker in his more sane moments. His protectiveness of Face has led him, on occasion, to moments of snark bordering on downright rudeness when he's dealing with people who he thinks are mistreating or using Face. See "Family Reunion" for a prime example.
- Austin & Ally:
- Trish and Ally:
Dez: What's the opposite of me?Ally: Smart.
- Dez gets some good ones in during season two.
- Trish and Ally:
- Babylon 5: Susan Ivanova, although every prominent character gets to snark once an episode or so. There's also the villainous Alfred Bester, who started out as a rather taciturn Smug Snake and began to get snarkier and snarkier as his characterization approached Magnificent Bastardry. By Season 4, about 90% of his dialogue is snark.
- Band of Brothers: Captain Lewis Nixon, the alcoholic intelligence officer, and (less conspicuously) T-5. Joseph Liebgott and Staff Sergeant Joseph Toye. Other characters get to snark as well, but not as often.
[After Frank Perconte mentions the woods in Germany look a lot like the woods at Bastogne] Yeah, now that you mention it. Except, of course, there's no snow, we got warm grub in our bellies, and the trees aren't fucking exploding from Kraut artillery, but yeah... Frank... other than that, it's a lot like Bastogne.
- George Luz gets in the act in a big way a few times:
- Barney Miller: Det. Fish. Later, Dietrich also fulfilled this role.
- Battlestar Galactica (1978): Lieutenant Boomer from the classic show tends to be one.
- Battlestar Galactica (2003):
- The modern show has quite a few, including Brother John Cavil and Dr. Cottle with Roslin, Tigh and Bill Adama sometimes getting in on it but Galactica's reigning king of sarcasm has to be Gaius Baltar.
- "You'll forgive me, ma'am, if I don't wish to be executed based solely on your 'gut feeling.'"
- "As the entire fleet knows, this is the man who tried to stab me through the neck... and you MISSED! Butterfingers!"
- "Well that sounds lovely. Maybe one day if you're very, very good, God will reward you with a lovely little walking toaster of your very own."
- Also Gaeta, especially after he loses his leg in Season 4.
- The Big Bang Theory: Pretty much anyone who's dealing with Sheldon's anal retentive antics, but especially Leonard, Penny and Howard. Sheldon himself also has his moments.
- Blackadder: Edmund E. Blackadder has this as his primary purpose in his different lives.
- Black Sails: Jack Rackham, in nearly every scene in which he appears.
- Blake's 7:
Vila: I've got a weak chest!Avon: The rest of you's not very impressive either.
- Kerr Avon is the king of snark, but everyone else on the Liberator can snark right back — even Gan on occasion. It must be catching.
- Comm — Supreme Commander Servalan's power seems based on the ability to be snidely sarcastic while wearing amazing dresses.
- Even the computers get in on the act:
Servalan: So tell me, Zen, how does one operate this craft?
Zen: One manipulates the controls and the craft functions accordingly.
- The Bob Newhart Show and Newhart: Bob Newhart was one of these (as well as an Only Sane Man) on both shows. Mr. Carlin was also one on the earlier show.
- The Borgias: Niccolò Machiavelli is portrayed as very much a deadpan snarker; for example, when he hears what the French want from Florence he says "So we're to pay for the privilege of being invaded." Well, Machiavelli was actually this in real life.
- Bottom: Edward Elizabeth Hitler, when sober:
Richie: A helicopter! Shout for help!
Eddie: Is this "Help, help, I'm trapped on a ferris wheel!" or, "Help, help, I'm burning to death!"?
- Burn Notice:
(When Michael are meeting a potential client)
- Michael Westen's voiceovers often come into this, as does Sam Axe.
- The captions describing certain people are usually straightforward, but occasionally they get snarky.
Sam: So Veronica said you wanted to talk.
Client: Yeah dude. I've got a serious problem.
Caption: NICK LAM - DUDE WITH A PROBLEM
Fiona: ...and I'm not one of your damn clients.
Caption: FIONA - THE CLIENT
Michael: (after being handed a picture of a woman someone wants killed for the inheritance) She looks dangerous.
- Considering Sam is played by Bruce Campbell, this makes sense.
- Michael himself indulges in this as well:
- Carnivàle: Samson the dwarf and manager of the carnival.
Varlyn Stroud: Don't you ever get tired of dealing with all them Big People?Samson: Yeah. Like right now.
- Castle: Kate Beckett is a master at this, usually directed at Castle (who also occasionally has his moments of snark).
- Alexis has her moments as well:
Castle: Hey. If you killed someone, you would tell me, right?
Alexis: Of course. I'd need help hiding the body.
- Alexis has her moments as well:
- Catastrophe: Both Rob and Sharon.
- Charmed: Everyone has shades of this, though Piper is by far the most prominent example. Everything out of her mouth is a snark, despite the fact that in the early seasons, she was portrayed as the quiet one. Piper's actress Holly Marie Combs has said she found Piper tiring to play because of her snarkiness.
- Cheers and Frasier:
- Frasier Crane, on both shows.
- Lilith and Niles, as well.
- And Martin. It runs in the family. And Roz, and Daphne, and Ronnie, and Gil...let's say everyone on Frasier has to be this or develop the skills as fast as they can if they want to even hope to match wits with the off-the-charts snark talent of the Crane brothers.
- Speaking of which, Frasier and Niles engage in impromptu snark-offs in which they try to top each other's devastating wit all the time. Frasier and Lilith do the same thing, less frequently, but far more unpleasantly.
- Jeff Winger, the protagonist.
- Britta Perry, as well. Perhaps even more so.
- And Abed when he goes into "sarcasm mode".
- Corner Gas: Half of the main characters fit this trope. If characters aren't snarkers, then they are The Ditz, and they usually come in pairs. Brent and Hank, Emma and Oscar, and Karen and Davis, respectively. Wanda and sometimes Lacey have the unique ability to be snarkers and make the other snarkers into The Ditz.
- Cosmos: A Personal Voyage:
"We're used to the idea of radio signals from intelligent life, or at least semi-intelligent life; we have radio and television stations."— from his Heaven and Hell documentary
- Carl Sagan, sometimes:
- Cosmos is FULL of this.
"Observation: You can't see a thing. Conclusion: DINOSAURS."
- Criminal Minds: Most of the characters make use of this type of humor, although they occasionally can't keep a straight face. Aaron Hotchner is famous for it. David Rossi and Emily Prentiss are also both very good at this, particularly when they're working together.
- CSI: Gil Grissom. He's famous for his deadpan Quip to Black. Jim Brass also fills this role quite regularly.
- CSI: Miami: Horatio (puts on sunglasses) is known for this.
- CSI NY: Don Flack is the resident Deadpan Snarker.
- Cybill: Most characters had their snarky moments, but Maryann easily tops them all. Next in line would be Zoe, and to some lesser extents Ira and Cybill herself.
- The Daily Show: Jon Stewart. Most of his correspondents, past and present, also qualify (Larry Wilmore and John Oliver being the most obvious).
- Dark Oracle: Simone, Vern's right-hand girl.
- Degrassi: Gives us a bunch in the form of Clare, Ellie, Paige, Liberty, Liberty's younger brother Danny, Johnny, Holly J., and Adam.
- Dexter: Dexter's recurring hallucination of his dead father has some fine moments of this.
"Talking to someone who isn't there. Huh."
- Doctor Who:
Reinette: Oh, this is my lover, the King of France.
- The Doctor sometimes slips into this, especially in the new series. For instance, in "The Girl in the Fireplace":
The Doctor: Yeah? Well, I'm the Lord of Time.
The Doctor: Think of it: plastic. All over the world, every artificial thing waiting to come alive. The shop window dummies, the phones, the wires, the cables—-Rose Tyler: —-the breast implants.
- Almost all of the Doctor's companions have their moments - sometimes with little provocation.
(After just being held at gunpoint; after thugs leave)Doctor: [Incredulous] Are you suggesting those men were in my employ?Duggan: Yes!Doctor: ...I don't know if you noticed but he was pointing a gun at me!
- The 6th Doctor is arguably the incarnation most predisposed to this.
- The Fourth Doctor really loved his sarcasm.
In The Visitation:Tegan: Is that supposed to be Heathrow?Adric: It is.Tegan: Well, they've certainly let the grass grow since I was last there.Adric: Well, actually, they haven't built the airport yet. We're about three hundred years early.Tegan: That's great! Perhaps I can go out, file a claim on the land. When they get round to inventing the aircraft, I'll make a fortune.
- The second Romana had her moments as well:
Romana: You should go into business with a glazier. You'd have a truly symbiotic relationship.Duggan: What's that supposed to mean?Romana: I'm simply saying that you tend to leave a lot of broken glass around.Duggan: You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.Romana: If you wanted an omelet, I'd expect to see a pile of broken crockery, a cooker in flames and an unconscious chef.
- Companion/would-be assassin Turlough is absolutely snarky from his very first appearance, making him an interesting foil for the Fifth Doctor, who was probably the most polite incarnation to date.
Fifth Doctor: Oh. You're going to kill me. What a finely-tuned response to the situation.
- Five's general politeness only adds strength to his snark.
- Tegan Jovanka also had a lot of the snark in her. This is pronounced even more in the Big Finish audio dramas of late.
The Doctor: (after building a device out of a wine bottle and a pair of forks) It doesn't work.
- Former companion Ian Chesterton unexpectedly developed into one of these, though sadly not until his last episode on the show.
- The Brigadier uses a dry sense of humor to deal with the Doctor's eccentricity:
The Brigadier: You astound me.
Cyberman: Our species are similar, though your design is inelegant.Dalek Thay: Daleks have no concept of elegance.Cyberman: This is obvious.
- Daleks and Cybermen seem to get this way with each other.
- And from the same episode: "This is not war. This is pest control."
Za: Tomorrow, I kill many bears. You will all have warm skins.
- Eleven and the Ponds communicate in snark.
The Doctor: Where did you pick up this cheap cabaret act?The Dream Lord: Oh, you're on shaky ground. If you had any more tawdry quirks you could open up a tawdry quirk shop. The madcap vehicle? The cockamamie hair? The clothes designed by a first-year fashion student? I'm surprised you haven't got a little purple space-dog, just to ram home what an intergalactic wag you are.
- And yet they manage to be consistently out-snarked by the Dream Lord.
- Grey, actually, and he left it with Sarah Jane.
- Also Donna Noble.
- Kate Stewart has soldiers trained in beheading, Ravens of Death, and can recognise the Doctor by his dress sense.
- Though considering who her father was, it's almost expected.
- The very first story gives us the caveman Horg. When Za says
Horg: I say tomorrow, you will rub your hands together and hold them to the dry sticks, and ask Orb to send you fire. And the bears will stay warm in their own skins.
- The First Doctor's companion Ian. Differs from most examples in that, being a schoolteacher, his snark was distinctively Stern Teacher humour.
- The Doctor's nemesis the Master gets in on the snark as well, especially when being forced to aid humanity against a greater threat.
The Master: Oh, I suppose you can take the normal precautions against nuclear blast, like sticky tape on the windows and that sort of thing...
- Downton Abbey: Violet, the Dowager Countess of Grantham (played by Maggie Smith). Nearly every line she says is a snarky one-liner:
Richard Carlisle: I am leaving in the morning. It is unlikely you will see me again.Dowager Countess: Do you promise?
- Drake & Josh: Drake, Josh, and Josh's girlfriend Mindy.
- The Dresden Files: Bob in the TV version. In the books he comes across more as just a straight-up smart-aleck.
- Eli Stone: The titular character. He's even shown to be a developing snarker as a kid in flashbacks.
- Everybody Loves Raymond: Ray and Debra are very snarky, but the king of this trope is Ray's father, Frank.
- Farscape: A large amount of characters, but especially Crichton. He does it humorously, but other characters like Aeryn and Zhaan are incredibly cutting whenever they decide to snark. Aeryn is funny, especially since it's truly impossible to know how serious she is most of the time. Claudia Black does it a lot in her roles. Just listen to Morrigan.
- Foyle's War: DCS Foyle.
- Frasier and Niles exist to point out flaws, criticise things of a perceived "lower class" and generally have fun at the expense of others. Especially Niles.
Frasier: What is the one thing better than an exquisite meal? An exquisite meal with one tiny flaw we can pick at all night.
- According to the Word of God, Roz is the only cast member who can put Frasier in his place - and she does, with unbridled delight. Then there's Martin, and you can see where Frasier and Niles got their snarkiness from.
Martin: Maris is learning German, huh? Just when you thought she couldn't get any cuddlier..
- According to the Word of God, Roz is the only cast member who can put Frasier in his place - and she does, with unbridled delight. Then there's Martin, and you can see where Frasier and Niles got their snarkiness from.
- Freaks and Geeks: A few of the characters display this quality, but Ken Miller in particular would have to be on a shortlist of characters who embody this trope.
- The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Geoffrey fits this so well that it's inconceivable how he kept his job as long as he did: "At the risk of sounding redundant, dinner is served."
Philip: Good night, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: Good night, sir... idiot...
Philip: Geoffrey, go fetch me my tools.
Geoffrey: You mean your knife and fork?
Chandler: I can't take it any more! So you win, okay? Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet! And Ross, phone call for you today-Tom Jones, he wants his pants back! And Hornswoggle? What? Are you dating a character from "Fraggle Rock"? Ahhhhhhhhhh.
- Chandler. In fact, one episode had Chandler's friends make a bet with him saying that he couldn't last a week of not making any smart assed comments. Chandler clearly strains his brain to resist from being sarcastic and it didn't help that his friends unintentionally (or maybe on purpose) do things that would make Chandler normally be snarky. In the end, Chandler gave up and let loose what could possibly be the most Badass Snarkfest in the history of Badass Snarkfests. Chandler felt relieved afterwards.
Monica: (Ross is talking) "Oh great, another dinosaur story. When will those become extinct?"
- Rachel also becomes this around the beginning of the fourth season.
- Ross also often proves to be quite the snarker sometimes. In fact, one particular standout sequence has Ross actually outsnark Chandler, as Chandler makes a typical crack about all his failed marriages, only for Ross to turn it around and mock Chandler's current unemployment, leading Chandler to cry, "What's wrong with you? You know I can only dish it out!"
- Making Chandler a Snark Glass Cannon?
- Monica also counts, though she's more subtle about it.
- Fringe: Peter Bishop, who seems like the only voice of semi-sanity on the show so far.
Walter: I posited in 1976 that it is possible to synchronize the fields of two distinct minds, allowing the sharing of information across the unconscious state... like a string between two tin cans.
Peter: And, you know, what's great about that is that it's completely insane.
- Tyrion in Game of Thrones and, well, pretty much everyone else in Westeros to some extent.
- The Games: Most of the regulars, but John Clarke raised it to an absolute artform:
"Look, it's just a question of making the Americans feel.. slightly more at home.""Mmm, we could issue our schoolchildren with semi-automatic weapons."
- Gilmore Girls: Lorelai, Rory, and every other character too.
Kurt: You smell homeless, Brett. Homeless.
- Has a few, like Artie, Kurt (especially when taking aim at Rachel), Lauren and Sue Sylvester:
- Season 2 and 3 Santana speaks in nothing but snarks, all with that same look on her face.
- Blaine has had a few moments of this himself, most notably in the season 3 episode "Choke".
- The Golden Girls:
Rose: Ooh, but I did learn that Baked Alaska can actually be cooked locally!Dorothy: Rose, I have an even bigger scoop for you. Mars Bars are made right here on Earth.
- Dorothy, who would mostly make sarcastic replies whenever Rose made an idiotic comment.
- Maude,. In general, Bea Arthur might qualify as the Queen of Deadpan Delivery.
- While Dorothy is the uncontested master of this trope in The Golden Girls, Sophia runs a close second. Blanche will occasionally say something sarcastic in response to Rose's stupidity but usually just responds tiredly. On the very, very, very rare occasions when Rose is in a bad mood she proves to be quite adept.
Dorothy: [seeing Rose carrying buckets out of her bedroom] Oh hi, Rose. The ceiling in your room leaking, too?Rose: No, Dorothy, I just finished milking the cow I keep in my closet. Gee, with only three hours sleep, I can be as bitchy as you.
- Gossip Girl: Has Blair as the main one, with Chuck, Serena, and Dan getting into it occasionally.
- Grimm: Most of the cast are adept snarkers.
- The Gruen Transfer: The panellists are often snarky. Especially during segments like "Endorse Me". Then again, considering the show is from Australia, snark is to be expected, given our national sense of humour.
- Hannah Montana: Lilly certainly has her moments, as does Miiey.
- Robbie Ray, Jackson and (especially) Rico are certainly capable of their fair share.
- Hawaii Five-0: Danno from the reimagined show is a champion snarker:
McGarrett: Take the tie off. No one on a cruise ship wears a tie.
Danno: Oh yes they do. They do it all the time. So they can hang themselves when they get bored.
McGarrett: Then put it in your pocket and you can hang yourself with it later.
- And Steve, being Danny's best friend and partner sharks right back, which can lead to some very snarktastic situations:
- Hey Dad..!: Martin tries to be this. His kids still don't think he's cool.
- Hey Hey Its Saturday: An Australian variety show, employed a team of snarkers. In addition to Red Symons, who hosted some segments, there were Dickie Knee (a mop with a cap on that would appear between the camera and the host's desk and argue with him), John Blackman (who voiced Dickie and could occasionally be heard snarking over the top of whatever else was going on in his normal voice), the occasional snarky subtitle, and a caricaturist whose drawings would be cut away to for a second at random. This was all done live, off the cuff, week after week.
- Hiccups: This successor to Corner Gas features Crystal Braywood, a teenaged receptionist completely detached from her job.
- Highlander: Methos. Living for over five thousand years means he's Seen It All.
- Hogan's Heroes: This ever-popular sitcom gives almost every single character the role of deadpan snarker, such as responding to the kommandant's pledge of support with "we might be able to pull through anyway" or playing on the stereotypes of each prisoner's nationalities. When not acting as a (presumably) ignorant sarcastic comedian in front of the German officers, Colonel Hogan also makes frequent comments at the others' expense in his usual business tone of speaking.
- Home Improvement: Has Jill Taylor and Randy Taylor most prominently. Tim Taylor's sense of humor alternates between goofy and snarky depending on the situation, and Al Borland starts out as one but becomes less of one over time. Mark Taylor becomes one in the last few seasons, especially after Randy leaves in season eight.
- The Honeymooners: Alice Kramden. Ed Norton has his moments, too.
- Horatio Hornblower mini-series:
- Captain Pellew's so good at the deadpan part that most times, Horatio takes ages to figure out when he's being sarcastic.
Pellew: Yes, England, boy. A big, damp, foggy island nor-nor-east of Ushant! Think you can find it?
- Archie Kennedy has his smartass moments, especially in "The Frogs and the Lobsters". When Colonel Moncoutant reveals the means of transport for their artillery, this is his insight:
Archie: From Acting Lieutenant to commander of a dung cart in no more than a step. My career is looking up!
- Lieutenant Bush establishes himself as Deadpan Snarker in "Mutiny". Horatio had to tackle him down, otherwise he might have been injured by a pulley.
Bush: Interesting welcoming ceremony, Mr Hornblower.
- Captain Keene, even though he's a tired old gentleman, has some grand snarks. As an example, here is his picking on Midshipman Simpson when he reviews answers of a navigational exercise.
Keene: Mr Simpson? We must all rejoice! The sources of the Nile have been discovered at last, your ship, as far as I can tell from your illiterate scrawl, is in central Africa! Let us see what other terrae incognitiae has been discovered by the remaining intrepid explorers of this class.
- His Lordship Major Edrington. When his face is not deadpan, he sneers or smirks.
The Earl of Edrington: No artillery would dare cross here and if they tried, my mama could beat them off with her parasol.
- Captain Collins uttered some sarcastic remarks during the trial in "Retribution", and Sarcasm-Blind Horatio did not get them.
- Captain Pellew's so good at the deadpan part that most times, Horatio takes ages to figure out when he's being sarcastic.
- The Hour has Freddie and Lix. The former in particular tends to get into trouble for it.
- House: Dr. Gregory House is a very anti-social example of this trope (as well as a plethora of other tropes). James Wilson also acts as this, usually in conjunction with House and snarking right back at him. (It's probably either that or shoot him in the head.) As do Cuddy. And Foreman. And occasionally Cameron and Chase. The new kids are still getting their feet under them, but Taub does fairly well.
Kutner: The shortest distance between here and your memory is straight through your prefrontal cortex. All we have to do is access it.
Taub: Great idea. I'll build the giant submarine. You get the miniaturization gizmo.
- House of Anubis: Patricia is probably the biggest example, but everyone has gotten sarcastic at least once. For the boys, it's probably Jerome.
- How I Met Your Mother:
- We have Barney as the Deadpan Snarker... and Lily... and Ted... and Marshall... and Robin... and Tony (Stella's fiancee).
- Particularly notable in that they all actively try to be snarky, instead of having the mysterious talent for blase pitch-perfect snark that most sitcom characters have.
- Future!Ted tends to be very snarky about his and his friends' immature or bizarre past behavior, most strongly in "Dowisetrepla".
- Human Target: Guerrero:
Guerrero: You and I could have a problem. Mostly, you.
- Nearly everyone. Each of the main characters had their moments of snarkiness, but Sam and Mrs. Benson are the harshest of the lot:
Carly: Gibby should be himself.Sam: Yeah, look where's that got him in life.Carly: You're so right.
Spencer: (sees Sam wrestling Freddie) What's happening there?Carly: I'm teaching Sam to act more like a girl.Spencer: Ah, good work.
- Nearly everyone. Each of the main characters had their moments of snarkiness, but Sam and Mrs. Benson are the harshest of the lot:
- I Love Lucy: Fred Mertz is a blatant deadpan snarker, usually asking a serious question through which Lucy or Ethel become the butt of the joke.
- The Inspector Lynley Mysteries: This is essentially Barbara Havers' raison d'etre, which makes her an excellent match for her Gentleman Snarker of a partner.
- It Ain't Half Hot Mum: Sergeant Major Williams.
- JAG: Rear Admiral AJ Chegwidden. Harm and Mac have their moments too.
- Jeeves and Wooster: Jeeves inherits this from the books. Emphasis on the "deadpan":
Bertie: This white mess jacket is brand new!
Jeeves: I assumed it had got into your wardrobe by mistake, sir, or else that it had been placed there by your enemies.
Bertie: I'll have you know, Jeeves, that I bought this in Cannes!
Jeeves: And wore it, sir?
Bertie: Every night at the Casino. Beautiful women used to try and catch my eye!
Jeeves: Presumably they thought you were a waiter, sir.
- Jeopardy: Alex Trebek likes to make sarcastic barbs about the clues, the contestants, and even himself. This comes out most often in the contestant interviews.
- Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger: Joe Gibken (with emphasis on "deadpan") and Luka Millfy.
- Law & Order:
- On Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, John Munch was once a classic Deadpan Snarker, back in the days when he actually had more than six lines per season. And before him, on the original series, there was Lennie Briscoe, the ultimate snarky cop. When Munch left, his partner promptly took over the role. Even the citizens of New York occasionally join in.
- This is one of the reasons fans like ADA Rafael Barba so much.
- Jerry Orbach's brilliant, world-weary, deadpan humor practically defined the TV idea of the New York cop. Every pair of detectives on Law & Order is required to have at least one deadpan snarker.
(Briscoe and Green are checking out a dead man's bank account; the bank clerk helping them has just stated that he made semi-regular deposits)
Briscoe: Let me guess, all under ten thousand dollars, right?
Clerk: Who wants to bother with all that pesky federal paperwork?
- Det. Alexandra Eames often fills this role on Law & Order: Criminal Intent.
(on learning that a drowning victim was wearing an anti-seasickness patch)
Eames: He should have worn a learn-to-swim patch.
- and another...
Goren: (extracting a silver chain from the mouth of a decapitated head) So, what does this tell us?
Eames: Robbery wasn't the motive?
- Mike Logan gets one when he first meets Wheeler, and Danny Ross is explaining the qualifications of the rather young-looking detective.
Ross: Three years undercover — vice, drugs, white collar — no one ever made her.Logan: Well, I can believe that. She get carded at bars?
- Wheeler gets one of her own just after she meets her own new partner, whose hands were so full of different kinds of food on their first meeting that he couldn't shake her hand.
Wheeler: How did he do when he wasn't having breakfast?
- The judges in arraignment hearings seem to have a knack for this.
- Ronnie Brooks took on this role across the pond in Law & Order: UK (makes sense, as he's the Expy of Briscoe). His partner, Matt Devlin kept up with him pretty well.
- LazyTown The "evil dude" & his people.
- Leave It to Beaver: Ward and June Cleaver were both very much this.
- Legend of the Seeker: Zedd and Cara are masters, especially since Cara almost never smiles. Denna, also being a Mord-sith, also gets this.
- Leverage: Most of the characters, but especially Nate Ford, who is a phenomenal leader and strategist, partially due to his fantastic ability to see flaws in plans (and then fix those flaws on the fly).
Nate: Yeah okay, yeah. Let's go rob Nicky Moscone. A guy who kills people, and lives in our city. Yeah, let's do that.
- Lie to Me: Cal Lightman, though the rest of the Lightman Group have their fair share of snark.
- Life on Mars (2006) and Ashes to Ashes:
Sam Tyler: You're an overweight, over-the-hill, heavy-drinking, nicotine-stained, fascist homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding.Gene Hunt: You say that like it's a bad thing.Alex Drake: I'm a modern woman, I come when I need to.
- Sam Tyler and Alex Drake have a lot of good snarking going on:
Chris: "Think [the dead guy floating in the Thames] drowned, then?"Gene: "No, Christopher. I think he tried to drink the entire river for a bet and failed!"Alex Drake: "Tonight's my last night. So, that's it then. It's a date. Our last supper."Gene Hunt: "Can I be Jesus?"Gene Hunt: Right, listen up you lot. The Paki in a coma's looking about as lively as Liberace's dick when he's looking at a naked woman and all in all this investigation's going at about the speed of a spastic in a magnet factory. What are you looking at, Tyler?Sam Tyler: I think you might have missed out the Jews ... have you considered the possibility that this might have been a hate crime?Gene Hunt: What, as opposed to one of the those "I really, really like you" sort of murders?
- But the undisputed snark king of both series remains Gene Hunt.
- Lizzie McGuire: Miranda, Gordo, Matt and (especially as it's her reason for being there) Animated-Lizzie. Sometimes real-life Lizzie, too.
Hurley: (as they find the Black Rock) Dude. How does something like this... happen?
- Several characters tend toward sarcasm, but Juliet and especially Miles are probably the most deadpan about it.
- C'mon, how can you leave out Sawyer? He's the king of snark!
- The season one finale, "Exodus":
Rousseau: Are you on the same island as I am?
Locke: The Man from Tallahassee? What is that some kind of code?Ben: No John, unfortunately we don't have a code for "there is a man in my closet holding a gun to my daughter's head." (cocks eyebrow) Although we obviously should...
- Ben's deadpan snark trumps all.
Jack: (aboard Ajira 316, disgusted at Ben's relaxed attitude) How can you read?
- In a later episode:
Ben: (without looking up from his book) My mother taught me.
- Mad Men: Roger Sterling. Many other characters get in their share of zingers (notably Don Draper and Joan Holloway/Harris), but only Sterling has had a book of his published in real life. Here's a sampler.
- Mamas Family: Thelma Harper (aka "Mama").
- The Man from U.N.C.L.E.: Illya Kuryakin in several episodes of this 60s spy series. Usually when in the hands of THRUSH or another villain:
(Solo is deep undercover in a THRUSH laboratory, while Kuryakin has been captured by THRUSH mooks and is in a holding cell)
Napoleon Solo: (on his communicator) Open Channel D. Control, this is Sheep's Clothing. Come in, Control. Open Channel D. (sotto voce) Jammed. How about Channel F? Is there anything new on Channel F?
Illya Kuryakin: Not much. What's new with you?
Napoleon Solo: Illya, is that you? What are you doing on Channel F?
Illya Kuryakin: Don't be presumptuous. You called me.
Napoleon Solo: Where are you?
Illya Kuryakin: I'm tied up right now.
Napoleon Solo: I get the feeling you're not telling me everything.
Illya Kuryakin: Well, Miss Francis and I were detained by the THRUSH welcome wagon.
Napoleon Solo: Ah, you've been captured.
Illya Kuryakin: It's amazing how you grasp the picture with such unerring clarity.
— "The Sort of Do-It-Yourself Dreadful Affair" (third season)
- Married... with Children: That is all.
- M*A*S*H's own Major Charles Emerson Winchester III, for whom sarcasm is his primary coping mechanism.
- The Mentalist:
Suspect: How am I supposed to know who you are? You're bangin' on my doors, "CBI! CBI!" Like that's supposed to mean somethin'?
- Although this show features numerous snarky characters, it's Kimball Cho who takes "deadpan" to Olympic levels:
Cho: Yeah, we do need better brand awareness.
Suspect: Don't you know who I am? With one phone call, I could end your career.
- This is another doozy:
Cho: That's impressive. The best I can get with one call is a pizza.
Therapist: [Patrick Jane] has good mental health.
- He's the "Deadpan" part, but Lisbon is definitely the snarkiest one.
Lisbon: Now I wanna see your license to practice.
Minelli: What were you thinking? Leaving this man alone at an event like that?
Lisbon: No excuses, I mistakenly treated him like a responsible adult.
- Merlin (1998) is full of these, including the title character, as well as Frik, Ambrosia, and Mordred.
- Merlin (2008) also has its fair share of snark. Merlin is more of a Servile Snarker since he's Arthur's servant, but Arthur and Gwaine fit this trope nicely.
- Misfits: Nathan from this sci-fi drama, whose deadpan snarking seems to be almost a physical compulsion. He seemingly cannot prevent himself from blurting out whatever ridiculous thing comes into his head, even - and perhaps especially - when it's about to get him into massive amounts of trouble.
- Modern Family:
- Alex Dunphy has mastered the deadpan snark when trying to deal with her crazy family:
Manny Delgado: [at the Lakers' game] Look, it's the 'Kiss-cam'! Wouldn't it be great if they put the camera on us and we had to kiss?
Alex Dunphy: No. We're related.
Manny Delgado: Not by blood.
Alex Dunphy: Touch me and there will be blood.
- Alex is hardly the only one. Jay, Claire, Luke, Mitchell and Haley are all snarkers as well. It seems to be a Pritchett family trait.
- Alex Dunphy has mastered the deadpan snark when trying to deal with her crazy family:
- The Monkees: Mike is the occasional snarker.
- The Musketeers: In the 2014 BBC version, all of the Musketeers (including Captain Treville), Cardinal Richelieu, Constance and Milady all demonstrate this quality frequently, but the master of the trope is undoubtably Athos.
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, let's keep it suicidal.
- My Family: The titular family. Yes, every single member, possibly except Nick.
- My Life as Liz: The eponymous main character of this MTV show.
- Mystery Science Theater 3000: Most every character was capable of this, with Crow T. Robot perhaps being the champ. Interestingly, the hosts had more of one part of the trope name than the other: Joel was more of a deadpan while Mike was more of a snark. The robots were mostly neutral, though Tom Servo was more polite and Crow was more direct with their insults.
- The Nanny: Niles and C.C. Babcock are this, especially when trying to one-up each other. Deadpan Snarkers that are also butlers seem to be a fairly common subtrope.
- NCIS: Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs and Tony.
- Neighbours: Frazer.
- The New Adventures of Old Christine: Barb. Matthew gets in on this as well occasionally they even double team Christine.
- Nikita: Has so many it's practically World of Snark. Nikita, Michael and Birkhoff are the most consistent... making their group now a Team Of Snark.
- Noah's Arc: Ricky, which is the big contributing factor to his Jerkass characteristics.
- Nurse Jackie: Dr Eleanor O'Hara from this Showtime show, with an added measure of The Mean Brit in there to boot:
Dr O'Hara: I once cut a dead bunny in half to see what it looked like inside. That's why I'm a doctor.
- The Office:
Anne: I don't know what it is about me [men] like so much.
- Tim Canterbury snarks a lot. Considering he's played by Martin Freeman, this is really just part of the territory:
Tim: I'm racking my brains.
- Stanley in the US version. Jim, Tim's Transatlantic Equivalent, also responds this way to anything Dwight and Michael do.
- Toby, as of late, has become more of this: Teaching Pam how to throw a punch and asking for Michael to kick him out of a meeting all in his sad, monotone voice.
- The Old Guys: Follows Tom and Roy as they snark their way through retirement.
- Once Upon a Time: Several characters, including Emma, Snow White, Mr. Gold, Grumpy/Leroy, and, of all people, Red/Ruby's grandmother.
[After Robin Hood has just shot an arrow past her head to trigger a booby trap that she nearly walked into]
- Regina Mills, a.k.a. the Evil Queen:
Evil Queen: Are you insane? That arrow nearly took off my head!
Robin Hood: Where I come from, a simple "thank you" would suffice.
Evil Queen: Where YOU come from, people bathe in the river and use pine cones for money...
Prince Charming: [handing Snow a flower] For you, my love.
- Later in that same episode, the Evil Queen, a pregnant Snow White, and Prince Charming are searching for Glinda the Good Witch...
Evil Queen: Seriously?!
Snow White: What?
Evil Queen: We are undertaking a perilous mission to find the one person who can defeat the Wicked Witch and save your unborn child, and you two stop to smell the roses?!?
Snow: [correcting her and holding up the flower] Snowbells!
Evil Queen: I don't care if they're dancing daffodils!
Regina: Should I be impressed that [Baelfire] made a nightlight?
- And of course who can forget...
[later in the episode]
Regina: Oh, sure, because pre-teen Baelfire probably made lots of pasta…
- One Big Happy has Lizzy's sister Leisha.
Prudence: I have so much respect for women who choose to have children on their own!
—>Leisha: It's not immaculate conception. Luke's the father.
- One Foot in the Grave: Angus Deayton as Patrick Trench, the long-suffering neighbour of Victor Meldrew, became one of these as the series progressed:
Margaret Meldrew: Going out somewhere?
Patrick Trench: Yes, just up to the hospital. To have a hermit crab surgically removed from my testicles.
Margaret: I beg your pardon?
Patrick: Well, I say hermit crab, but it wasn't demonstrating much in the way of hermitude when it popped into my shorts earlier on for lunch and fastened itself to my scrotum like a bulldog clip.
Margaret: Well how did this happen?
Patrick: Well I've only got myself to blame for that one I'm afraid. The old, old story; I remembered to apply sun cream... but I completely forgot to smear my groin with crab repellent. And inevitably I paid the price.
Margaret: It makes you wonder where things like that come from, doesn't it?
Patrick: Doesn't it, Mrs. Meldrew, doesn't it? Um, changing the subject altogether, how's Mr. Meldrew getting on with his collection of exotic marine wildlife? No escaped specimens to report, anything like that?
- One Tree Hill: Nathan and Haley are regular examples, while Brooke and Peyton are this and arguably Stepford Snarker.
- Only Connect: Victoria Coren Mitchell, presenter of this show of The BBC.
- Only Fools and Horses: Rodney Trotter.
- Open Heart: Dylan, and occasionally Wes.
- Parks and Recreation:
April: Can you Photoshop your life with better decisions, Jerry?
Ron: Of all my coworkers [Andy] is one of a small number of whom I do not actively root against... ugh, there I go again gettin' all sappy.
- Ben has his moments.
Ben: Wow. The sky is really beautiful.
Leslie (contemplatively): It's pollution from the Sweetums factory. It's gorgeous. But is it worth the asthma?
Ben: [raises eyebrows incredulously] No.
- Donna, Tom, Ann and before he was Put on a Bus, Mark as well. It's easier to count the non-snarkers.
- Pretty much all of Team Machine on Person of Interest. Even the dog.
- Power Rangers RPM: Tenaya 7 is very reminiscent of Shego.
(A Diictodon is chirping for some reason)
- James Lester, although they made him just a little more compassionate in Series 3. Just.
- Even in Series 3, he's still quite the snarker. Upon seeing a man who had been turned into a sentient fungus:
"This'll be difficult to explain to the next of kin... Good news — he's not technically dead. Bad news — he's turned into a mushroom."
- Captain Becker has his moments as well:
Connor: What are you trying to say?
Becker: Oh great, he's Doctor Dolittle!
- Psych: Shawn Spencer is so deadpan in his snark, he almost comes out the other end to earnestness. In fact his Deadpan Snark is so intensely deadpan that at times you wonder if he actually means what he says, no matter how ridiculous it is. He can even use it on his dad.
- Pushing Daisies: Emerson Cod. Also Lily. Even the usually polite Ned gets in on the act when he's in a really bad mood.
- Queen of Swords: Montoya, at times:
Captain Grisham: We lost them.Montoya: You will note the complete lack of surprise on my face.
- Raven: The titular character could be described as one.
- Reba: Kyra always seems to have a sarcastic one-liner at the ready in nearly every episode, Reba herself also makes plenty of sarcastic comments, which are usually aimed at either Brock or Barbra Jean. There's also Reba's friend Lori Ann in earlier seasons.
- Red Dwarf:
Cat: How do we get to this mirror universe?
- Rimmer on occasion, due to seeing himself as the Only Sane Man. One sequence sadly lost from the final episode:
Rimmer: You mean because we've got no mode of transport apart from my old bike? Can't Krytie fix some sort of gizmo to the wheel so it crosses dimensions when you go downhill really fast?
Kochanski: You're not helping.
Rimmer: That's not my job.
- Kochanski herself is also a bit of a Deadpan Snarker, with rather more justification for being the Only Sane Person.
- It does usually seem to be a Rimmer/Cat exchange, as again in these two examples from Gunmen of the Apocalypse:
Cat: We don't run, we strike! It's the last thing they'll be expecting!
Rimmer: No-oo, the last thing they'll be expecting is for us to turn into ice skating mongooses and dance the bolero. And your plan makes about as much sense.
Cat: Isn't there some way we can turn ourselves into tiny electronic people and get in his head? And if not, WHY not?
Rimmer: Look, we can all bring something to this discussion, but I think what you should bring is silence.
- Kryten and Holly (male version) also count. Kryten even has a "deadpan mode."
- Revolution: Captain Jeremy Baker. And Miles Matheson. Practically every second sentence is some kind of smartass remark about the current state of affairs. To put it simply, every single episode so far has contained at least one instance of this trope.
- Sabrina the Teenage Witch: Salem Saberhagen from the 1996-2003 version and its animated Spin-Off.
- Sanctuary: It's doubtful that there's a member of the Five who doesn't qualify as a Deadpan Snarker, but Tesla is probably the pre-eminent one on grounds of sheer panache.
- The Sarah Connor Chronicles: Derek Reese and Cameron trade off on this role. In the latter's case, both the deadpanning and the snark are probably entirely involuntary, as sarcasm is entirely lost on her.
Morris: Is this your car?
Cameron: No, it belongs to the guy I killed and stuffed in the trunk.
Morris: ... (turns to John) Your sister is dark, man.
- Saturday Night Live: Most Weekend Update anchors fall into this category - most visibly Norm MacDonald, Chevy Chase, Tina Fey, and current anchor Seth Meyers. Amy Poehler occasionally dipped into the snark action during her time opposite the latter two, but her Update persona usually vacillated somewhere between Only Sane Man and Cloudcuckoolander.
Janitor: "You seem unhappy. I like that."
- Dr. Cox gives one-liner snarkiness when he's not ranting.
- Dr. Cox is also a Deconstruction since his tendency to snark at everyone has alienated him from everybody and the only people who can stand him for long periods of time are J.D., Jordan and Carla. J.D. because he sees Dr. Cox as a father figure and because he learns alot about how to be a good doctor, Jordan is his ex-wife and long term partner who can be just as bad as him and Carla is the only person he will openly admit is a friend. And even then they have their limits at times.
- Janitor and Carla:
- JD and Elliot have moments of this, and Dr. Kelso and Jordan are quite adept. It's clearly a World of Snark
- Sea Patrol: Every one of the main cast members can be this but Buffer and RO stand out.
- The Secret Circle:
Jake a storm is coming (storm in the sky)Cassie You think? What gave it away, the clouds or the thunder?
- Cassie certainly is this:
- Faye is equally snarky.
- Jake is also a snarky individual.
- Even Adam has his witty moments.
Jerry: It's like a chicken supernova in there!
- Newman and Elaine.
- Jerry is made of snark. It's his defining quality — for example, when he and Kramer started taking on each other's personalities due to an apartment switch, Kramer's non-existent snark level immediately shot Up to Eleven.
- Interestingly, the giant red neon rotisserie sign outside Kramer's window turned Jerry into a Kramer-like Cloudcuckoolander.
- Seriously Weird: Harris Pemberton, the Weirdness Magnet protagonist, managed to piss off a god by snarking at him, and that's when everything went to hell. He then proceeded to snark at most of the weirdness he was exposed to.
- Shake It Up: Has Flynn Jones, a kid who sounds like he's too advanced to be adult:
Flynn: Am I the only mature one around here?
- Shameless (US): Frank particularly seems to love this:
Frank: (walks in on Ian and Mickey having sex) Hello boys. (the two abruptly stop, obviously) Front door was locked, so I came in the back. No pun intended.(Beat) You might wanna check the locks.
Fiona: Just… tell me you didn't go and get some girl pregnant...Ian: (smirking) No worries.
- Ian gets his fair share of snark as well, specially in the earlier seasons, before the whole bipolarity storyline kicks in.
Mickey: Think of it as Kelly's girls. Except instead of Kelly, it's Mickey. And instead of girls, it's whores.
- And Fiona and Lip as well… hell, even Debbie and Carl too, the entire family is composed of this.
- Mickey Milkovich, specially in the fourth season, during which his screentime gets notably higher.
Svetlana:What's going on?Mickey: Steven Seagal here let somebody steal all our cash.Kevin: That's because your pube-loving husband wasn't doing his job.
- Also, Mickey and Kevin basically communicate in snark.
Svetlana: They say you're stupid fuckin' idiot!Mickey: What did you say back?!Svetlana: That you also have small dick!
- And since we're talking about Svetlana, although she's usually the receiver of snarky lines from Mickey, she's proven that she can out-snark him anytime:
Arch Enemy: He does love to be dramatic.John: Well, thank God you're above all that.
- The title character of this BBC shows lives and breathes snark, especially in the presence of the police.
- In reference to an observation made by Anderson: "No, she was leaving an angry note in German. Of course she was writing Rachel!"
- This doubles as a Shout-Out, because in the original short story, the victim was writing a note in German.
- While Sherlock probably snarks more often, John Watson is definitely more deadpan about it - but then, he is played by Martin Freeman (see above).
- After being effectively kidnapped and taken to a dark deserted warehouse for interrogation by Sherlock's "Arch Enemy" who is actually his brother, Mycroft)
Sherlock: I love the brilliant ones. They're always so desperate to get caught.John: Why?Sherlock: Appreciation. Applause. At long last, the spotlight. That's the frailty of genius, John. It needs an audience.John: (who was asked to come along because Sherlock "thinks better out loud", merely raises his eyebrows and mutters) Yeah.
- And later discussing clever serial killers with Sherlock
- And again in the second episode, which gets him captured.
- He also snarked at his friend for not caring about lives at stake in the third episode.
- Shooting Stars: The Team A captains Mark Lamarr, and later Will Self.
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyles The Lost World: Marguerite can always be counted on for saying something snarky. Roxton usually knows a clever response to whatever she says.
- The Slammer: Mr Burgess fills this role, delivering deadpan snark to both the Governor and the audience.
Bizarro: If you're lying to me, I'll finish what Kent started.Brainiac: Lying to you would be like lying to a mollusk. There's no point.
- There's a few with Chloe, Lois, Oliver, and Clark having their moments, but the reigning kings of sarcasm would have to be LuthorCorp's CEO's: Lex and Lionel Luthor, and Tess Mercer. Something about the job seems to induce snark.
- Brainiac also has a lot of moments like this. His best moment probably comes when (after having lost most of his powers following a battle with Clark) he is confronted by a very angry Bizarro (who could rip him in half at this point). Being played by James Marsters helps.
- Soap: Well, if Benson could do it for years, in two different series starting on Soap, then why not Geoffrey too? Benson was the snarky butler side character. On the spin-off, he was the snarky main character.
- Space Cases: Bova:
Harlan: I'm tired of running from the Spung! This time they're going to know they've been in a fight!
Bova: Oh, yeah, they'll be scraping us off their windshields saying, "Some fight, huh?"
- Stargate Atlantis:
Todd: They seem to have jumped to a new location.Sheppard: Why would they do that?Todd: I don't know. I'm not on the ship.
- In situations of stress, Rodney McKay cranks up the snark, at one point sarcastically saying "I foolishly left my Time Machine back on Earth. Did you bring yours?" while in a ticking time bomb situation. He is also apt to point out repeatedly the sheer impossibility of the plans Sheppard comes up with. This tendency has actually been toned down since the character's original appearances in SG-1. For further irony, he really does have a time machine back on Earth. Okay, it's not "his", but he found it.
- Todd the Wraith, being the only known Wraith in the galaxy with a sense of humor, seems to enjoy snarking at the human characters.
- Stargate SG-1:
Ba'al: You dare mock me?
- It's pretty easy to miss, but if you go back and play close attention to those 175 episodes (that's the number of times he shows up), you may just notice that in the course of over a decade, despite having more sense of humor than his remaining teammates put together, Jack O'Neill has rarely ever cracked so much as a smirk. When pointed out to him that a character "does not know fear", he exclaims, "Yeah, well, he knows stupid!"
O'Neill: Ba'al, come on. You should know . Of course I dare mock you.
O'Neill: I've got a better idea. Instead of helping you, why don't we sit around and watch you get your ass kicked? That way you'll be dead, and we'll be glad.
- (and this gem)
Ba'al: You cannot be serious.
O'Neill: Yes, I can. I just choose not to, some of the time.
Ba'al: With your insolence you're dooming not just your world but all of humanity.
O'Neill: I think big.
O'Neill: Can't help you there. That's between you and your god. Oh, wait a minute! You are your god! That's a problem.
- (and an earlier one)
- Daniel Jackson had a fair few snarky lines as well.
Dr. Markov: If you're implying that everything Russian-made is of poor quality, actually, the sub is Swiss.
Jackson: So it occasionally catches fire but keeps perfect time?
- Daniel Jackson in The Shroud. He's so unbelievably sarcastic, at least half his lines are this trope. He gets it in return too.
- Daniel also gets a lot of snarking done in "Crystal Skull". He's out of phase for most of the episode, and in his frustration gives a lot of sarcastic responses to things the cast says that are obvious (to him) or just plain incorrect.
- Daniel does point out, regarding the Swiss sub comment, that he has been spending too much time with Jack.
- O'Neill's successor Cameron Mitchell also gets his share of these moments in both SG-1 and The Ark of Truth.
Prior: Foolhardy are those who do not follow the path.
Mitchell: Anyone want to bet what he's gonna say next?
Prior: Kill them.
Mitchell: Could've made money on that one.
- Which is eerily similar to a scene in Farscape where Mitchell actor Ben Browder made a similar "easy money" bet with D'argo about the approaching shuttle having Scorpius aboard.
- When he wasn't trying (and failing) to grasp the more boisterous type of Earth humor, every single line of Teal'c's that was intentionally funny on his part was deadpan snark.
- Star Trek: Deep Space Nine:
Bashir: (goes on a long-winded spiel about how Fate has granted him the gift to be a healer)Kira! (dryly) I feel honored to be in your presence.
- Kira Nerys:
O'Brien: What was he doing in a runabout at four in the morning?Odo: Apparently, he was getting murdered.
- Also Odo, especially in response to anything Quark says. Or, occasionally, just because.
Quark: I'll kill him.Odo: With what?
- A particularly good example of Odo's snark toward Quark comes when the Klingons are about to invade the station and Quark refuses to evacuate, declaring that he'll use his disrupter pistol to defend his bar. Then he opens a box to retrieve the pistol...and discovers only a note from his brother Rom saying that he dismantled the pistol for parts to repair the bar's replicator.
- Star Trek: Enterprise: Malcolm Reed pulls off quite a few of these over the series.
"This is called a phase pistol. It has two settings: 'stun' and 'kill.' It would be best not to confuse them."
- Star Trek: The Next Generation:
- Cmdr. Riker is unquestionably the Snarker-In-Chief aboard the Enterprise-D.
- Meanwhile, there is Q, who doubles as Magnificent Bastard in many regards.
- In one episode, Dr. Crusher and Captain Picard are captured and implanted with devices. As they attempt to escape, they soon realize they can hear each other's thoughts. As it turns out, Dr. Crusher is apparently quite the snarker, but she manages to avoid speaking her mind. Somewhat subverted in that the audience never gets to hear what they're thinking, so we only have Picard's word for it. On the other hand, when she's in focus, this pops up from time to time, especially in later seasons.
- Geordi La Forge delivered quite a few sarcastic quips, usually the "blink and you miss it" sort. And the VISOR hiding his eyes made it all that much easier to miss.
- Picard himself gets into this often, especially when Q is around, often leading to Snark-to-Snark Combat between the two.
- Star Trek: The Original Series:
- Dr. McCoy and Spock have both been this a few times.
- To quote Sulu in "The Corbomite Maneuver": "You try to cross brains with Spock, he'll cut you to pieces every time."
- Even Scotty pulls off a few deadpan snarks.
Montgomery Scott: The keyboard. How quaint.
- Kirk has his moments, when he's not losing his shirt and making out with alien babes. Two from "The Trouble With Tribbles", both dealing with the same Obstructive Bureaucrat:
Nilz Baris: Kirk, this station is swarming with Klingons!Kirk: I was not aware, Mr. Baris, that twelve Klingons constitutes a swarm.Nilz Baris: Captain Kirk, I consider your security measures a disgrace. In my opinion, you have taken this entire very important project far too lightly.Kirk: On the contrary, sir. I think of this project as very important. It is you I take lightly.
- Star Trek: Voyager:
- Seven of Nine, the Doctor, and Tuvok. Indeed, Tuvok was often very sarcastic for a Vulcan who supposedly eschews emotions. T'Pol on Enterprise had the same problem.
- Given that Spock, T'Pol, and Tuvok all did it, it's pretty safe to say it's not an uncommon trait in Vulcans, or at least those that regularly deal with other species. Indeed, Spock's father even gets in on it in his appearances.
Cameron: You're not supposed to be able to touch things. It's an intangible.
- Kirsten gets her moments:
Kirsten: Oh I'm sorry, did I break your super-secret technology?
- The Suite Life of Zack and Cody: And, keeping with this theme, Mr. Moseby. Maddie, Zack, and Bailey (Suite Life On Deck) fall into this trope too.
- Both the boys are good at this, especially at giving adorable bitchfaces while doing so.
- Also Nick, the vessel for Lucifer.
Lucifer: My name is Lucifer.
Nick: Sure... naturally. Uh. Could you do me a favor there, Satan, and remind me to quit drinking before I go to bed?
- And Castiel; once he gets the concept of sarcasm he becomes disturbingly good at it.
Castiel: I am in a civil war, Dean.Dean: Just look out for something to help Sam while you're up there.Castiel: Of course. Your problems always come first.
- Talk Soup: The various hosts of this E! network show (Greg Kinnear, John Henson, Aisha Tyler, etc.) were all about this trope.
- Teen Wolf: The whole cast in spades, but special props go to Mrs. Mc Call.
- That '70s Show:
Hyde: It's a little girly.Laurie: That's because it's a girl's room, Hyde.Hyde: Oh, so all those guys were just passing through?
- Both Hyde and Red fit this trope perfectly.
- Hyde and Laurie talking about Laurie's room.
- Eric does this a lot too. Red comments that Eric gets his smart mouth from his mother.
Kelso: OK, fine, but when you guys see my footprints on the moon, what are you gonna say then?
Eric: Hey, some monkey is wearing Kelso's shoes!
- Even Donna gets in on this once in a while.
- That Metal Show: All three hosts have their moments, but Jim Florentine is a master.
- This Is Wonderland: Crown Attorney David Kaye, who also happens to be just a little Ambiguously Camp.
- The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: A certain character played by Jay Leno during the 1990's... the genius Mr Brain.
- Top Gear: James May. His humor is so dry you'll want a glass of water.
Tosh: If we knew how it worked, we could feed the world!
- Ianto Jones, especially as he gained more screentime:
Ianto: We could release a single...
Tosh: (upon seeing Jack bring it out) You said we weren't allowed to use that again!Jack: It's just a mind probe.Ianto: Remember what happened last time you used it?Jack: That was different, that species has extremely high blood pressure.Ianto: Oh, their heads must explode all the time.Ianto: *sits down in mind reading machine chair and vibrates, making a buzzing noise*
- In "Sleeper", Ianto consistently snarks about the mind reading machine:
Tosh: No, I can't just hook something up! The entire telephone network is down.
- "Sleeper" also gives us this gem:
Owen: What about a mobile connection?
Tosh: The. Entire. Telephone. Network. Is down!
Ianto: Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string, everything, absolutely everything: no phones, phones all broken. [pantomimes answering the phone] Hello? Anyone there? No! Cause the phones aren't working!
Ianto: It's automatic. It knows you're there. There are wave-bouncing detectors which emit high-frequency radio waves....
- In "Out of Time":
Diane: Ooh look, bananas!
Ianto: Of course, bananas are far more interesting.
- True Blood: Tara, Pam, and Eric. Also Lafayette. To be honest, everyone on the show gets in some snarking at one time or another.
- Two and a Half Men: Dr. Freeman (Jane Lynch). Also from the main cast: Charlie, Evelyn, and Bertha. Alan and Jake each get their share of snarks as well.
- Ultraviolet: Jack Davenport's character Michael Colefield in this UK miniseries.
- The Vampire Diaries: Damon. Occasionally Stefan, Caroline and Katherine as well. By Season 4, Elena is quickly catching up. Her fatalism is showing and she IS related to Katherine. In addition, the Originals are a family of snarkers. All of them: Klaus, Elijah, Kol, Rebekah...
- Veronica Mars: Pick a character. Any character.
- Victorious: Jade and Rex.
- Waterloo Road: Though many or most characters have their moments, first, second and third prizes have to go to Brett Aspinall.
- The West Wing:
- Jed Bartlet has a lot of this going on. His response to learning that his Vice President is a recovering alcoholic: "Is there anyone around here who's not?" Being President of the United States means that people let you get away with it a bit more.
- It's almost impossible for Bartlet to not throw out a deadpan snark at the very least once an episode. Plus, he can often turn them into CMoAs. His take on the logic of homophobia as per the Bible's teachings, anyone?
- This is actually very common form of humor in The West Wing, expect it at least once an episode, and not just from Bartlett but from his staff as well. CJ once gave such a deadpan response that she offended Mandy who took her seriously.
- Wheel of Fortune: Pat Sajak, full stop. When he's not going for Self-Deprecation, he'll usually deadpan something, like jokingly asking a very loud contestant to "speak up", or saying something like "now this is going to be really tough" when a contestant's letters reveal the bonus puzzle entirely.
- The Wire: Many, but Bunk Moreland is the most prominent:
Rhonda: [reading an affidavit] You all cannot spell for shit.Bunk: Well, would we be police if we could?
- Wiseguy: Vinnie Terranova's OCB handler Frank McPike.
"Most of my life. In 3rd grade I was Batman, but that seems to have passed."
- Wizards of Waverly Place: Siblings Justin Russo and Alex Russo, despite of the fact that they are "Order Versus Chaos".
- WKRP in Cincinnati: Everyone was this at one point or another — even Les:
Jennifer: Well, Les? Don't you have a "line" for me?
Les: "Hi. I'm fabulously wealthy."
- Wonderfalls: Jaye definitely fits this one. Mahandra sometimes too. In fact dead pan snark is a staple for Brian Fuller: George and Rube on Dead Like Me and Emerson Cod on Pushing Daisies fit this one as well.
- The X-Files:
Scully: "Mulder, toads just fell from the sky!"Mulder: "I guess their parachutes didn't open."
- Both Mulder and Scully can be this; Scully usually makes snarky remarks at the wacky ideas Mulder suggests, while Mulder snarks at everything.
Mulder: Modell psyched the guy out, he put the whammy on him!Scully: Please explain to me the scientific nature of 'the whammy'.
- A Scully snark moment from season 3's "Pusher":
Mulder (upon seeing the Cigarette Smoking Man in a hospital): "Please tell me you're here with severe chest pains."
- Or from the episode Redux II:
- X-Play: Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb do this all the time, especially when they review games that they give a 2 out of 5, and more so when it is a 1 out of 5.
- Yes, Minister: Bernard has a good knack for this (although, they're often followed by an apologetic gesture because he is talking to his superiors). Jim Hacker and Sir Humphrey also tend to throw them in.
- Young Dracula:
Robin: What're you doing?Ingrid: Having a sing along, what does it look like?
- If there isn't one major snark moment in an episode, apparently CBBC declares it an episode wasted. Accordingly several characters - the Count, Ingrid, Zoltan - snark every time they open their mouths, and pretty much every single character has their moments.
- Ingrid, when she and Vlad are tied up as hostages in Van Helsing's caravan:
Van Helsing: We'll meet again, soon.Count Dracula: Can't wait. By the way, love the dress!Ivan: We'll start small, just a few cute bunnies.Boris: You mean kill them?Count Dracula: No, take them syncronised swimming, of course kill them!
- The Count, when Van Helsing has disguised himself as a woman (in very pantomime-dame fashion) to infiltrate the Dracula castle:
Robin: Should you do what's best for yourself or what's best for your friends?Zoltan: Ah, most people would say you should put the wellbeing of others before your own. Look at me, I have never been selfish. And now... I'm stuffed, ignored, mounted on wheels.
- Život a doba soudce A.K. (Life and Time of the Judge A.K.): A Czech TV series following personal life and cases of a judge. A good part of the series is the protagonist's inner monologue snarking on everyone involved in the case of the week.