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It's quite rare to find a TV show that doesn't contain this trope.
Special Note: See the subtrope Servile Snarker — butlers and valets probably belong there rather than here.
NBC sportscaster Bob Costas has made a career of sneaking in snarky deadpan comments into his broadcasts and commentaries.
Conan O'Brien, former-Late Night and Tonight Show host, embodies this trope in regards to talk shows. He'll generally spend the entire show mocking audience reactions, expressing disbelief at the various jokes and bits (usually as he's performing them, no less), and generally ragging on guests' stories. And his remote bits, where he takes the snarking to a third location, usually to make an affectionate mockery of a place or activity. One could make the case that you need to be a deadpan snarker in the first place to be a successful comedy talk show host, but Conan's take on the format has been to rib it from every angle. The snarkiest Conan has gotten is definitely when he does a remote with Jordan Schlansky, one of his producers. Jordan's pompous tastes and unfazable demeanor provide Conan with endless amount of snark.
On Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Oz is a preeminent example, though his snark was not usually pointed. Before and after he was on the show, though, snark was Xander's stock in trade.
Oz: That was my sarcastic voice. Xander: Sounds a lot like your regular voice.
Giles also did this a lot.
"I'll just jump into my time machine, go back to the 12th century, and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show."
"'Do you like my mask? Isn't it pretty? It raises the dead.' Americans!"
The show also has a self-appointed Deadpan Snarker in the form of Quentin Travers, the Head of the Watchers' Council, who twice arrives in town to tell everyone, in quite pointed, deadpan, and snarky terms, what a terrible job they're all doing. The failings of everyone on the team are plainly evident to him, but the fact that he's an authoritarian meanie means that even if he has a good point or two, the audience is free to dismiss those points because he "just doesn't know them like we do." Let's face it, except for Tara every regular character took their turn as this trope.
Even then, Tara got in on it at least once. Case in point: "Older and Far Away", after she witnesses Buffy and Spike together, with Buffy's hand close to Spike's crotch area, Spike claims to have had a muscle cramp.
Tara: (clearly suppressing laughter) Muscle cramp? In your... pants?
And later, after Spike makes a suggestive comment to Buffy...
Tara: How's that cramp, Spike? Still bothering you? (grinning slyly) Maybe you should put some ice on it.
Buffy herself is also one of the show's main snarkers. She was often slinging some witty line at Giles for being too serious (or too british) or the Monster of the Week or something else.
Faith likes this. Most of the time it's pretty adult.
Faith: "You don't know how many men have said that to me." On being promised that she'd get off (the murder charges against her would be dropped).
Faith: "Just like riding a biker." On getting back into slaying after her stint in prison.
Giles' aunts in the Season 9 comics. Faith continues to be one.
The caterpillar guy from the Wonderland comics of Season 9 seems to be in perpetual Sarcasm Mode.
Whistler's quite a sarcastic fellow.
Pre Badass Wesley when he was in a playful mood, very britishly so.
Client:(upon learning she's not alone in having superpowers, turns to Cordelia) So what's wrong with you?
Wesley: Where to begin?
Cordelia was this on Angel (until she left). The role was traded off between Fred and Gunn after she was gone, with Lorne providing backup and five-part harmony. And when Spike joined the show in season five...
The unwillingly good (and unfailingly cynical) vampire Spike has always been a Joss Whedon Mr. Snarky, playing this role in both Buffy and in Angel. His parody of a conversation between Angel and a Distressed Damsel in "In the Dark" is awesomely hilarious. There's also:
Dru: We're going to destroy the world. Want to come? Angelus:Yeah, I'm more interested in the Slayer. Spike:Well, the Slayer's IN the world, so that should work out.
(Spike takes a radio) Xander:Hey, that's my radio! Spike:And you're what? Shocked and dissapointed? I'm evil.
Angel himself is this at times.
Connor, not as much as his parents, but he does have a few great one-liners.
Every single member of Malcolm Reynolds's crew on Firefly- including Mal himself. Mild-mannered Simon is a frequent Gentleman Snarker, who doesn't stop even when there's a gun trained on him.
On Dollhouse we seem to have Topher Brink as Mr. Snarky. Adelle DeWitt is much more Deadpan, much less Snark, and Ballard tends to run a little too hot to get in any deadpan. Naturally more than one of the imprints—a disproportionate number, one might say—have a taste for this sort of humor.
The tradition continues on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. with Agent Coulson being so good at snark that at times he can communicate snark through facial expressions alone.
Martin Freeman seems to specialise in this type of character. Like Tim Canterbury from the original version of The Office and his version of John Watson from Sherlock.
'Allo 'Allo!: Most of the characters, especially René. Helga's deadpan snarking also doesn't get enough credit.
The Amazing Race: In Season 3, brothers Ken & Gerard were snarky towards practically everyone (especially Ian), but perhaps surprisingly they did so in a playful and non-vindictive way. Also from Season 3, Aaron & Arianne were a much more straightforward example in a very non-playful and vindictive way.
American Idol: Simon is wildly known for his insults and trademark sarcasm towards contestants. During the first season he was also known for getting into fights with Paula. They still get into fights, but now there's a lot more UST.
The Andy Griffith Show: Howard Sprague became the subject of one of the episodes for his talent on delivering a punchline in the truest fashion of the deadpan snarker. Because of this, the other characters see fit to recommend his appearance on a TV show. When he uses their names to improve his performance, he gets in trouble because they become insulted by them rather than recognizing them as jokes.
Are You Being Served?: Mr. Harman was a Dead Pan Snarker, usually when the other characters started speaking down to him for being of a lower-class.
Michael Bluth. He is in charge of the family business; it's just that no one listens to him. Often doubles as the Straight Man and the Only Sane Man.
The narrator is a deadpan snarker:
Tobias: If this tableau I recreate, perhaps I can resnare my mate! Narrator: Gee, why wouldn't she want him back?
Maeby more or less turns into one of these as the series progresses
Michael: So then he's more popular than George Michael? Maeby: Well, that's like comparing apples and some fruit nobody's ever heard of.
As Time Goes By: Lionel Hardcastle in this BBC show falls under this category.
Alistair: Can we have a locker room talk? Lionel: I don't have a locker room, but you're perfectly free to talk.
The A-Team: Murdock can be quite the snarker in his more sane moments. His protectiveness of Face has led him, on occasion, to moments of snark bordering on downright rudeness when he's dealing with people who he thinks are mistreating or using Face. See "Family Reunion" for a prime example.
Babylon 5: Susan Ivanova, although every prominent character gets to snark once an episode or so. There's also the villainous Alfred Bester, who started out as a rather taciturn Smug Snake and began to get snarkier and snarkier as his characterization approached Magnificent Bastardry. By Season 4, about 90% of his dialogue is snark.
Band of Brothers: Captain Lewis Nixon, the alcoholic intelligence officer, and (less conspicuously) T-5. Joseph Liebgott and Staff Sergeant Joseph Toye. Other characters get to snark as well, but not as often.
George Luz gets in the act in a big way a few times:
[After Frank Perconte mentions the woods in Germany look a lot like the woods at Bastogne] Yeah, now that you mention it. Except, of course, there's no snow, we got warm grub in our bellies, and the trees aren't fucking exploding from Kraut artillery, but yeah... Frank... other than that, it's a lot like Bastogne.
Barney Miller: Det. Fish. Later, Dietrich also fulfilled this role.
The modern show has quite a few, including Brother John Cavil and Dr. Cottle with Roslin, Tigh and Bill Adama sometimes getting in on it but Galactica's reigning king of sarcasm has to be Gaius Baltar.
"You'll forgive me, ma'am, if I don't wish to be executed based solely on your 'gut feeling.'"
"As the entire fleet knows, this is the man who tried to stab me through the neck... and you MISSED! Butterfingers!"
"Well that sounds lovely. Maybe one day if you're very, very good, God will reward you with a lovely little walking toaster of your very own."
Also Gaeta, especially after he loses his leg in Season 4.
The Big Bang Theory: Pretty much anyone who's dealing with Sheldon's anal retentive antics, but especially Leonard, Penny and Howard. Sheldon himself also has his moments.
Blackadder: Edmund E. Blackadder has this as his primary purpose in his different lives.
Black Sails: Jack Rackham, in nearly every scene in which he appears.
The Borgias: Niccolò Machiavelli is portrayed as very much a deadpan snarker; for example, when he hears what the French want from Florence he says "So we're to pay for the privilege of being invaded." Well, Machiavelli was actually this in real life.
Michael: (after being handed a picture of a woman someone wants killed for the inheritance) She looks dangerous.
Carnivàle: Samson the dwarf and manager of the carnival.
Varlyn Stroud: Don't you ever get tired of dealing with all them Big People?
Samson: Yeah. Like right now.
Castle: Kate Beckett is a master at this, usually directed at Castle (who also occasionally has his moments of snark).
Alexis has her moments as well:
Castle: Hey. If you killed someone, you would tell me, right? Alexis: Of course. I'd need help hiding the body.
Charmed: Everyone has shades of this, though Piper is by far the most prominent example. Everything out of her mouth is a snark, despite the fact that in the early seasons, she was portrayed as the quiet one. Piper's actress Holly Marie Combs has said she found Piper tiring to play because of her snarkiness.
And Martin. It runs in the family. And Roz, and Daphne, and Ronnie, and Gil...let's say everyone on Frasier has to be this or develop the skills as fast as they can if they want to even hope to match wits with the off-the-charts snark talent of the Crane brothers.
Speaking of which, Frasier and Niles engage in impromptu snark-offs in which they try to top each other's devastating witall the time. Frasier and Lilith do the same thing, less frequently, but far more unpleasantly.
Corner Gas: Half of the main characters fit this trope. If characters aren't snarkers, then they are The Ditz, and they usually come in pairs. Brent and Hank, Emma and Oscar, and Karen and Davis, respectively. Wanda and sometimes Lacey have the unique ability to be snarkers and make the other snarkers into The Ditz.
"We're used to the idea of radio signals from intelligent life, or at least semi-intelligent life; we have radio and television stations."
— from his Heaven and Hell documentary
Cosmos is FULL of this.
"Observation: You can't see a thing. Conclusion: DINOSAURS."
Criminal Minds: Most of the characters make use of this type of humor, although they occasionally can't keep a straight face. Aaron Hotchner is famous for it. David Rossi and Emily Prentiss are also both very good at this, particularly when they're working together.
CSI: Gil Grissom. He's famous for his deadpan Quip to Black. Jim Brass also fills this role quite regularly.
CSI: Miami: Horatio (puts on sunglasses) is known for this.
CSI NY: Don Flack is the resident Deadpan Snarker.
Cybill: Most characters had their snarky moments, but Maryann easily tops them all. Next in line would be Zoe, and to some lesser extents Ira and Cybill herself.
The Daily Show: Jon Stewart. Most of his correspondents, past and present, also qualify (Larry Wilmore and John Oliver being the most obvious).
Daleks and Cybermen seem to get this way with each other.
Cyberman: Our species are similar, though your design is inelegant.
Dalek Thay: Daleks have no concept of elegance.
Cyberman: This is obvious.
And from the same episode: "This is not war. This is pest control."
Eleven and the Ponds communicate in snark.
And yet they manage to be consistently out-snarked by the Dream Lord.
The Doctor: Where did you pick up this cheap cabaret act?
The Dream Lord: Oh, you're on shaky ground. If you had any more tawdry quirks you could open up a tawdry quirk shop. The madcap vehicle? The cockamamie hair? The clothes designed by a first-year fashion student? I'm surprised you haven't got a little purple space-dog, just to ram home what an intergalactic wag you are.
Grey, actually, and he left it with Sarah Jane.
Also Donna Noble.
Kate Stewart has soldiers trained in beheading, Ravens of Death, and can recognise the Doctor by his dress sense.
Though considering who her father was, it's almost expected.
The very first story gives us the caveman Horg. When Za says
Za: Tomorrow, I kill many bears. You will all have warm skins. Horg: I say tomorrow, you will rub your hands together and hold them to the dry sticks, and ask Orb to send you fire. And the bears will stay warm in their own skins.
The First Doctor's companion Ian. Differs from most examples in that, being a schoolteacher, his snark was distinctively Stern Teacher humour.
The Doctor's nemesis the Master gets in on the snark as well, especially when being forced to aid humanity against a greater threat.
The Master: Oh, I suppose you can take the normal precautions against nuclear blast, like sticky tape on the windows and that sort of thing...
Downton Abbey: Violet, the Dowager Countess of Grantham (played by Maggie Smith). Nearly every line she says is a snarky one-liner:
Farscape: A large amount of characters, but especially Crichton. He does it humorously, but other characters like Aeryn and Zhaan are incredibly cutting whenever they decide to snark. Aeryn is funny, especially since it's truly impossible to know how serious she is most of the time. Claudia Black does it a lot in her roles. Just listen to Morrigan.
According to the Word of God, Roz is the only cast member who can put Frasier in his place - and she does, with unbridled delight. Then there's Martin, and you can see where Frasier and Niles got their snarkiness from.
Chandler. In fact, one episode had Chandler's friends make a bet with him saying that he couldn't last a week of not making any smart assed comments. Chandler clearly strains his brain to resist from being sarcastic and it didn't help that his friends unintentionally (or maybe on purpose) do things that would make Chandler normally be snarky. In the end, Chandler gave up and let loose what could possibly be the most Badass Snarkfest in the history of Badass Snarkfests. Chandler felt relieved afterwards.
Chandler: I can't take it any more! So you win, okay? Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet! And Ross, phone call for you today-Tom Jones, he wants his pants back! And Hornswoggle? What? Are you dating a character from "Fraggle Rock"? Ahhhhhhhhhh.
Rachel also becomes this around the beginning of the fourth season.
Ross also often proves to be quite the snarker sometimes. In fact, one particular standout sequence has Ross actually outsnark Chandler, as Chandler makes a typical crack about all his failed marriages, only for Ross to turn it around and mock Chandler's current unemployment, leading Chandler to cry, "What's wrong with you? You know I can only dish it out!"
Monica also counts, though she's more subtle about it.
Monica: (Ross is talking) "Oh great, another dinosaur story. When will those become extinct?"
Fringe: Peter Bishop, who seems like the only voice of semi-sanity on the show so far.
Walter: I posited in 1976 that it is possible to synchronize the fields of two distinct minds, allowing the sharing of information across the unconscious state... like a string between two tin cans. Peter: And, you know, what's great about that is that it's completely insane.
Dorothy, who would mostly make sarcastic replies whenever Rose made an idiotic comment.
Rose: Ooh, but I did learn that Baked Alaska can actually be cooked locally!
Dorothy: Rose, I have an even bigger scoop for you. Mars Bars are made right here on Earth.
Maude,. In general, Bea Arthur might qualify as the Queen of Deadpan Delivery.
While Dorothy is the uncontested master of this trope in The Golden Girls, Sophia runs a close second. Blanche will occasionally say something sarcastic in response to Rose's stupidity but usually just responds tiredly. On the very, very, very rare occasions when Rose is in a bad mood she proves to be quite adept.
Dorothy: [seeing Rose carrying buckets out of her bedroom] Oh hi, Rose. The ceiling in your room leaking, too?
Rose: No, Dorothy, I just finished milking the cow I keep in my closet. Gee, with only three hours sleep, I can be as bitchy as you.
Gossip Girl: Has Blair as the main one, with Chuck, Serena, and Dan getting into it occasionally.
The Gruen Transfer: The panellists are often snarky. Especially during segments like "Endorse Me". Then again, considering the show is from Australia, snark is to be expected, given our national sense of humour.
Robbie Ray, Jackson and (especially) Rico are certainly capable of their fair share.
Hawaii Five-0: Danno from the reimagined show is a champion snarker:
McGarrett: Take the tie off. No one on a cruise ship wears a tie. Danno: Oh yes they do. They do it all the time. So they can hang themselves when they get bored.
And Steve, being Danny's best friend and partner sharks right back, which can lead to some very snarktastic situations:
McGarrett: Then put it in your pocket and you can hang yourself with it later.
Hey Dad..!: Martin tries to be this. His kids still don't think he's cool.
Hey Hey Its Saturday: An Australian variety show, employed a team of snarkers. In addition to Red Symons, who hosted some segments, there were Dickie Knee (a mop with a cap on that would appear between the camera and the host's desk and argue with him), John Blackman (who voiced Dickie and could occasionally be heard snarking over the top of whatever else was going on in his normal voice), the occasional snarky subtitle, and a caricaturist whose drawings would be cut away to for a second at random. This was all done live, off the cuff, week after week.
Hiccups: This successor to Corner Gas features Crystal Braywood, a teenaged receptionist completely detached from her job.
Hogan's Heroes: This ever-popular sitcom gives almost every single character the role of deadpan snarker, such as responding to the kommandant's pledge of support with "we might be able to pull through anyway" or playing on the stereotypes of each prisoner's nationalities. When not acting as a (presumably) ignorant sarcastic comedian in front of the German officers, Colonel Hogan also makes frequent comments at the others' expense in his usual business tone of speaking.
Home Improvement: Has Jill Taylor and Randy Taylor most prominently. Tim Taylor's sense of humor alternates between goofy and snarky depending on the situation, and Al Borland starts out as one but becomes less of one over time. Mark Taylor becomes one in the last few seasons, especially after Randy leaves in season eight.
Captain Keene, even though he's a tired old gentleman, has some grand snarks. As an example, here is his picking on Midshipman Simpson when he reviews answers of a navigational exercise.
Keene: Mr Simpson? We must all rejoice! The sources of the Nile have been discovered at last, your ship, as far as I can tell from your illiterate scrawl, is in central Africa! Let us see what other terrae incognitiae has been discovered by the remaining intrepid explorers of this class.
His Lordship Major Edrington. When his face is not deadpan, he sneers or smirks.
The Earl of Edrington: No artillery would dare cross here and if they tried, my mama could beat them off with her parasol.
Captain Collins uttered some sarcastic remarks during the trial in "Retribution", and Sarcasm-Blind Horatio did not get them.
The Hour has Freddie and Lix. The former in particular tends to get into trouble for it.
House: Dr. Gregory House is a very anti-social example of this trope (as well as a plethora of other tropes). James Wilson also acts as this, usually in conjunction with House and snarking right back at him. (It's probably either that or shoot him in the head.) As do Cuddy. And Foreman. And occasionally Cameron and Chase. The new kids are still getting their feet under them, but Taub does fairly well.
Bertie: This white mess jacket is brand new! Jeeves: I assumed it had got into your wardrobe by mistake, sir, or else that it had been placed there by your enemies. Bertie: I'll have you know, Jeeves, that I bought this in Cannes! Jeeves: And wore it, sir? Bertie: Every night at the Casino. Beautiful women used to try and catch my eye! Jeeves: Presumably they thought you were a waiter, sir.
Jeopardy: Alex Trebek likes to make sarcastic barbs about the clues, the contestants, and even himself. This comes out most often in the contestant interviews.
On Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, John Munch was once a classic Deadpan Snarker, back in the days when he actually had more than six lines per season. And before him, on the original series, there was Lennie Briscoe, the ultimate snarky cop. When Munch left, his partner promptly took over the role. Even the citizens of New York occasionally join in.
This is one of the reasons fans like ADA Rafael Barba so much.
Jerry Orbach's brilliant, world-weary, deadpan humor practically defined the TV idea of the New York cop. Every pair of detectives on Law & Order is required to have at least one deadpan snarker.
(Briscoe and Green are checking out a dead man's bank account; the bank clerk helping them has just stated that he made semi-regular deposits) Briscoe: Let me guess, all under ten thousand dollars, right? Clerk: Who wants to bother with all that pesky federal paperwork?
Legend of the Seeker: Zedd and Cara are masters, especially since Cara almost never smiles. Denna, also being a Mord-sith, also gets this.
Leverage: Most of the characters, but especially Nate Ford, who is a phenomenal leader and strategist, partially due to his fantastic ability to see flaws in plans (and then fix those flaws on the fly).
Nate: Yeah okay, yeah. Let's go rob Nicky Moscone. A guy who kills people, and lives in our city. Yeah, let's do that.
Lie to Me: Cal Lightman, though the rest of the Lightman Group have their fair share of snark.
Sam Tyler and Alex Drake have a lot of good snarking going on:
Sam Tyler: You're an overweight, over-the-hill, heavy-drinking, nicotine-stained, fascist homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding.
Gene Hunt: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Alex Drake: I'm a modern woman, I come when I need to.
But the undisputed snark king of both series remains Gene Hunt.
Chris: "Think [the dead guy floating in the Thames] drowned, then?"
Gene: "No, Christopher. I think he tried to drink the entire river for a bet and failed!"
Alex Drake: "Tonight's my last night. So, that's it then. It's a date. Our last supper."
Gene Hunt: "Can I be Jesus?"
Gene Hunt: Right, listen up you lot. The Paki in a coma's looking about as lively as Liberace's dick when he's looking at a naked woman and all in all this investigation's going at about the speed of a spastic in a magnet factory. What are you looking at, Tyler?
Sam Tyler: I think you might have missed out the Jews ... have you considered the possibility that this might have been a hate crime?
Gene Hunt: What, as opposed to one of the those "I really, really like you" sort of murders?
Several characters tend toward sarcasm, but Juliet and especially Miles are probably the most deadpan about it.
C'mon, how can you leave out Sawyer? He's the king of snark!
The season one finale, "Exodus":
Hurley:(as they find the Black Rock) Dude. How does something like this... happen? Rousseau: Are you on the same island as I am?
Ben's deadpan snark trumps all.
Locke: The Man from Tallahassee? What is that some kind of code?
Ben: No John, unfortunately we don't have a code for "there is a man in my closet holding a gun to my daughter's head." (cocks eyebrow) Although we obviously should...
In a later episode:
Jack:(aboard Ajira 316, disgusted at Ben's relaxed attitude) How can you read? Ben:(without looking up from his book) My mother taught me.
Mad Men: Roger Sterling. Many other characters get in their share of zingers (notably Don Draper and Joan Holloway/Harris), but only Sterling has had a book of his published in real life. Here's a sampler.
The Man From UNCLE: Illya Kuryakin in several episodes of this 60s spy series. Usually when in the hands of THRUSH or another villain:
(Solo is deep undercover in a THRUSH laboratory, while Kuryakin has been captured by THRUSH mooks and is in a holding cell) Napoleon Solo:(on his communicator) Open Channel D. Control, this is Sheep's Clothing. Come in, Control. Open Channel D. (sotto voce) Jammed. How about Channel F? Is there anything new on Channel F? Illya Kuryakin: Not much. What's new with you? Napoleon Solo: Illya, is that you? What are you doing on Channel F? Illya Kuryakin: Don't be presumptuous. You called me. Napoleon Solo: Where are you? Illya Kuryakin: I'm tied up right now. Napoleon Solo: I get the feeling you're not telling me everything. Illya Kuryakin: Well, Miss Francis and I were detained by the THRUSH welcome wagon. Napoleon Solo: Ah, you've been captured. Illya Kuryakin: It's amazing how you grasp the picture with such unerring clarity. — "The Sort of Do-It-Yourself Dreadful Affair" (third season)
Although this show features numerous snarky characters, it's Kimball Cho who takes "deadpan" to Olympic levels:
Suspect: How am I supposed to know who you are? You're bangin' on my doors, "CBI! CBI!" Like that's supposed to mean somethin'? Cho: Yeah, we do need better brand awareness.
This is another doozy:
Suspect: Don't you know who I am? With one phone call, I could end your career. Cho: That's impressive. The best I can get with one call is a pizza.
He's the "Deadpan" part, but Lisbon is definitely the snarkiest one.
Therapist: [Patrick Jane] has good mental health. Lisbon: Now I wanna see your license to practice.
Minelli: What were you thinking? Leaving this man alone at an event like that? Lisbon: No excuses, I mistakenly treated him like a responsible adult.
Merlin: The 1998 series is full of these, including the title character, as well as Frik, Ambrosia, and Mordred.
The 2008 Merlin also has its fair share of snark. Merlin is more of a Servile Snarker since he's Arthur's servant, but Arthur and Gwaine fit this trope nicely.
Misfits: Nathan from this sci-fi drama, whose deadpan snarking seems to be almost a physical compulsion. He seemingly cannot prevent himself from blurting out whatever ridiculous thing comes into his head, even - and perhaps especially - when it's about to get him into massive amounts of trouble.
Modern Family: Alex Dunphy has mastered the deadpan snark when trying to deal with her crazy family:
Manny Delgado: [At the Lakers' game] Look, it's the 'Kiss-cam'! Wouldn't it be great if they put the camera on us and we had to kiss? Alex Dunphy: No. We're related. Manny Delgado: Not by blood. Alex Dunphy: Touch me and there will be blood.
Alex is hardly the only one. Jay, Claire, Luke, Mitchell and Haley are all snarkers as well. It seems to be a Pritchett family trait
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly. Aramis: Yes, sorry. Athos: No, no, let's keep it suicidal.
My Family: The titular family. Yes, every single member, possibly except Nick.
My Life as Liz: The eponymous main character of this MTV show.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: Most every character was capable of this, with Crow T. Robot perhaps being the champ. Interestingly, the hosts had more of one part of the trope name than the other: Joel was more of a deadpan while Mike was more of a snark. The robots were mostly neutral, though Tom Servo was more polite and Crow was more direct with their insults.
The Nanny: Niles and C.C. Babcock are this, especially when trying to one-up each other. Deadpan Snarkers that are also butlers seem to be a fairly common subtrope.
[After Robin Hood has just shot an arrow past her head to trigger a booby trap that she nearly walked into] Evil Queen: Are you insane? That arrow nearly took off my head! Robin Hood: Where I come from, a simple "thank you" would suffice. Evil Queen: Where YOU come from, people bathe in the river and use pine cones for money...
Later in that same episode, the Evil Queen, a pregnant Snow White, and Prince Charming are searching for Glinda the Good Witch...
Prince Charming: [handing Snow a flower] For you, my love. Evil Queen: Seriously?! Snow White: What? Evil Queen: We are undertaking a perilous mission to find the one person who can defeat the Wicked Witch and save your unborn child, and you two stop to smell the roses?!? Snow: [correcting her and holding up the flower] Snowbells! Evil Queen: I don't care if they're dancing daffodils!
And of course who can forget...
Regina: Should I be impressed that [Baelfire] made a nightlight? [later in the episode] Regina: Oh, sure, because pre-teen Baelfire probably made lots of pasta…
Margaret Meldrew: Going out somewhere? Patrick Trench: Yes, just up to the hospital. To have a hermit crab surgically removedfrom my testicles. Margaret: I beg your pardon? Patrick: Well, I say hermit crab, but it wasn't demonstrating much in the way of hermitude when it popped into my shorts earlier on for lunch and fastened itself to my scrotum like a bulldog clip. Margaret: Well how did this happen? Patrick: Well I've only got myself to blame for that one I'm afraid. The old, old story; I remembered to apply sun cream... but I completely forgot to smear my groin with crab repellent. And inevitably I paid the price. Margaret: It makes you wonder where things like that come from, doesn't it? Patrick: Doesn't it, Mrs. Meldrew, doesn't it? Um, changing the subject altogether, how's Mr. Meldrew getting on with his collection of exotic marine wildlife? No escaped specimens to report, anything like that?
"This'll be difficult to explain to the next of kin... Good news — he's not technically dead. Bad news — he's turned into a mushroom."
Captain Becker has his moments as well:
(A Diictodon is chirping for some reason) Connor: What are you trying to say? Becker: Oh great, he's Doctor Dolittle!
Psych: Shawn Spencer is so deadpan in his snark, he almost comes out the other end to earnestness. In fact his Deadpan Snark is so intensely deadpan that at times you wonder if he actually means what he says, no matter how ridiculous it is. He can even use it on his dad.
Pushing Daisies: Emerson Cod. Also Lily. Even the usually polite Ned gets in on the act when he's in a really bad mood.
Montoya: You will note the complete lack of surprise on my face.
Raven: The titular character could be described as one.
Reba: Kyra always seems to have a sarcastic one-liner at the ready in nearly every episode, Reba herself also makes plenty of sarcastic comments, which are usually aimed at either Brock or Barbra Jean. There's also Reba's friend Lori Ann in earlier seasons.
Rimmer on occasion, due to seeing himself as the Only Sane Man. One sequence sadly lost from the final episode:
Cat: How do we get to this mirror universe? Rimmer: You mean because we've got no mode of transport apart from my old bike? Can't Krytie fix some sort of gizmo to the wheel so it crosses dimensions when you go downhill really fast? Kochanski: You're not helping. Rimmer: That's not my job.
Kochanski herself is also a bit of a Deadpan Snarker, with rather more justification for being the Only Sane Person.
It does usually seem to be a Rimmer/Cat exchange, as again in these two examples from Gunmen of the Apocalypse:
Cat: We don't run, we strike! It's the last thing they'll be expecting! Rimmer: No-oo, the last thing they'll be expecting is for us to turn into ice skating mongooses and dance the bolero. And your plan makes about as much sense.
Cat: Isn't there some way we can turn ourselves into tiny electronic people and get in his head? And if not, WHY not? Rimmer: Look, we can all bring something to this discussion, but I think what you should bring is silence.
Kryten and Holly (male version) also count. Kryten even has a "deadpan mode."
Revolution: Captain Jeremy Baker. And Miles Matheson. Practically every second sentence is some kind of smartass remark about the current state of affairs. To put it simply, every single episode so far has contained at least one instance of this trope.
Sanctuary: It's doubtful that there's a member of the Five who doesn't qualify as a Deadpan Snarker, but Tesla is probably the pre-eminent one on grounds of sheer panache.
The Sarah Connor Chronicles: Derek Reese and Cameron trade off on this role. In the latter's case, both the deadpanning and the snark are probably entirely involuntary, as sarcasm is entirely lost on her.
Morris: Is this your car? Cameron: No, it belongs to the guy I killed and stuffed in the trunk. Morris: ... (turns to John) Your sister is dark, man.
Saturday Night Live: Most Weekend Update anchors fall into this category - most visibly Norm MacDonald, Chevy Chase, Tina Fey, and current anchor Seth Meyers. Amy Poehler occasionally dipped into the snark action during her time opposite the latter two, but her Update persona usually vacillated somewhere between Only Sane Man and Cloudcuckoolander.
Dr. Cox gives one-liner snarkiness when he's not ranting.
Dr. Cox is also a Deconstruction since his tendency to snark at everyone has alienated him from everybody and the only people who can stand him for long periods of time are J.D., Jordan and Carla. J.D. because he sees Dr. Cox as a father figure and because he learns alot about how to be a good doctor, Jordan is his ex-wife and long term partner who can be just as bad as him and Carla is the only person he will openly admit is a friend. And even then they have their limits at times.
Janitor and Carla:
Janitor: "You seem unhappy. I like that."
JD and Elliot have moments of this, and Dr. Kelso and Jordan are quite adept. It's clearly a World of Snark
Sea Patrol: Every one of the main cast members can be this but Buffer and RO stand out.
Jerry is made of snark. It's his defining quality — for example, when he and Kramer started taking on each other's personalities due to an apartment switch, Kramer's non-existent snark level immediately shot Up to Eleven.
Interestingly, the giant red neon rotisserie sign outside Kramer's window turned Jerry into a Kramer-like Cloudcuckoolander.
Jerry: It's like a chicken supernova in there!
Seriously Weird: Harris Pemberton, the Weirdness Magnet protagonist, managed to piss off a god by snarking at him, and that's when everything went to hell. He then proceeded to snark at most of the weirdness he was exposed to.
Shake It Up: Has Flynn Jones, a kid who sounds like he's too advanced to be adult:
Brainiac also has a lot of moments like this. His best moment probably comes when (after having lost most of his powers following a battle with Clark) he is confronted by a very angry Bizarro (who could rip him in half at this point). Being played by James Marsters helps.
Bizarro: If you're lying to me, I'll finish what Kent started.
Brainiac: Lying to you would be like lying to a mollusk. There's no point.
Smallville could almost be considered a World of Snark, particularly by later seasons in which every single main character as well as important recurring characters like Lionel and Emil (whose snarkiness is sometimes hard to notice but is definitely there) contributes to the sarcasm factor.
Soap: Well, if Benson could do it for years, in two different series starting on Soap, then why not Geoffrey too? Benson was the snarky butler side character. On the spin-off, he was the snarky main character.
In situations of stress, Rodney McKay cranks up the snark, at one point sarcastically saying "I foolishly left my Time Machine back on Earth. Did you bring yours?" while in a ticking time bomb situation. He is also apt to point out repeatedly the sheer impossibility of the plans Sheppard comes up with. This tendency has actually been toned down since the character's original appearances in SG-1. For further irony, he really does have a time machine back on Earth. Okay, it's not "his", but he found it.
Todd the Wraith, being the only known Wraith in the galaxy with a sense of humor, seems to enjoy snarking at the human characters.
It's pretty easy to miss, but if you go back and play close attention to those 175 episodes (that's the number of times he shows up), you may just notice that in the course of over a decade, despite having more sense of humor than his remaining teammates put together, Jack O'Neill has rarely ever cracked so much as a smirk. When pointed out to him that a character "does not know fear", he exclaims, "Yeah, well, he knows stupid!"
Ba'al: You dare mock me? O'Neill: Ba'al, come on. You should know . Of course I dare mock you.
(and this gem)
O'Neill: I've got a better idea. Instead of helping you, why don't we sit around and watch you get your ass kicked? That way you'll be dead, and we'll be glad. Ba'al: You cannot be serious. O'Neill: Yes, I can. I just choose not to, some of the time. Ba'al: With your insolence you're dooming not just your world but all of humanity. O'Neill: I think big.
(and an earlier one)
O'Neill: Can't help you there. That's between you and your god. Oh, wait a minute! You are your god! That's a problem.
Daniel Jackson had a fair few snarky lines as well.
Dr. Markov: If you're implying that everything Russian-made is of poor quality, actually, the sub is Swiss. Jackson: So it occasionally catches fire but keeps perfect time?
Daniel Jackson in The Shroud. He's so unbelievably sarcastic, at least half his lines are this trope. He gets it in return too.
Daniel also gets a lot of snarking done in "Crystal Skull". He's out of phase for most of the episode, and in his frustration gives a lot of sarcastic responses to things the cast says that are obvious (to him) or just plain incorrect.
Daniel does point out, regarding the Swiss sub comment, that he has been spending too much time with Jack.
O'Neill's successor Cameron Mitchell also gets his share of these moments in both SG-1 and The Ark of Truth.
Prior: Foolhardy are those who do not follow the path. Mitchell: Anyone want to bet what he's gonna say next? Prior: Kill them. Mitchell: Could've made money on that one.
Which is eerily similar to a scene in Farscape where Mitchell actor Ben Browder made a similar "easy money" bet with D'argo about the approaching shuttle having Scorpius aboard.
When he wasn't trying (and failing) to grasp the more boisterous type of Earth humor, every single line of Teal'c's that was intentionally funny on his part was deadpan snark.
Kira!(dryly) I feel honored to be in your presence.
Also Odo, especially in response to anything Quark says. Or, occasionally, just because.
O'Brien: What was he doing in a runabout at four in the morning?
Odo: Apparently, he was getting murdered.
A particularly good example of Odo's snark toward Quark comes when the Klingons are about to invade the station and Quark refuses to evacuate, declaring that he'll use his disrupter pistol to defend his bar. Then he opens a box to retrieve the pistol...and discovers only a note from his brother Rom saying that he dismantled the pistol for parts to repair the bar's replicator.
Quark: I'll kill him.
Odo: With what?
Garak responds to anything and everything (from friendly remarks to mortal danger) with bucketloads of perfectly-executed snark. He is the show's resident Wild CardMagnificent Bastard, so it's not surprising. Yes, this does mean any scene with Odo and Garak together is full of snark win.
In one episode, Dr. Crusher and Captain Picard are captured and implanted with devices. As they attempt to escape, they soon realize they can hear each other's thoughts. As it turns out, Dr. Crusher is apparently quite the snarker, but she manages to avoid speaking her mind. Somewhat subverted in that the audience never gets to hear what they're thinking, so we only have Picard's word for it. On the other hand, when she's in focus, this pops up from time to time, especially in later seasons.
Geordi La Forge delivered quite a few sarcastic quips, usually the "blink and you miss it" sort. And the VISOR hiding his eyes made it all that much easier to miss.
Picard himself gets into this often, especially when Q is around, often leading to Snark-to-Snark Combat between the two.
Seven of Nine, the Doctor, and Tuvok. Indeed, Tuvok was often very sarcastic for a Vulcan who supposedly eschews emotions. T'Pol on Enterprise had the same problem.
Given that Spock, T'Pol, and Tuvok all did it, it's pretty safe to say it's not an uncommon trait in Vulcans, or at least those that regularly deal with other species. Indeed, Spock's father even gets in on it in his appearances.
Ianto Jones, especially as he gained more screentime:
Tosh: If we knew how it worked, we could feed the world! Ianto: We could release a single...
In "Sleeper", Ianto consistently snarks about the mind reading machine:
Tosh: (upon seeing Jack bring it out) You said we weren't allowed to use that again!
Jack: It's just a mind probe.
Ianto: Remember what happened last time you used it?
Jack: That was different, that species has extremely high blood pressure.
Ianto: Oh, their heads must explode all the time.
Ianto: *sits down in mind reading machine chair and vibrates, making a buzzing noise*
"Sleeper" also gives us this gem:
Tosh: No, I can't just hook something up! The entire telephone network is down. Owen: What about a mobile connection? Tosh: The. Entire. Telephone. Network. Is down! Ianto: Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string, everything, absolutely everything: no phones, phones all broken. [pantomimes answering the phone] Hello? Anyone there? No! Cause the phones aren't working!
In "Out of Time":
Ianto: It's automatic. It knows you're there. There are wave-bouncing detectors which emit high-frequency radio waves.... Diane: Ooh look, bananas! Ianto: Of course, bananas are far more interesting.
True Blood: Tara, Pam, and Eric. Also Lafayette. To be honest, everyone on the show gets in some snarking at one time or another.
Two and a Half Men: Dr. Freeman (Jane Lynch). Also from the main cast: Charlie, Evelyn, and Bertha. Alan and Jake each get their share of snarks as well.
Ultraviolet: Jack Davenport's character Michael Colefield in this UK miniseries.
The Vampire Diaries: Damon. Occasionally Stefan, Caroline and Katherine as well. By Season 4, Elena is quickly catching up. Her fatalism is showing and she IS related to Katherine. In addition, the Originals are a family of snarkers. All of them: Klaus, Elijah, Kol, Rebekah...
Jed Bartlet has a lot of this going on. His response to learning that his Vice President is a recovering alcoholic: "Is there anyone around here who's not?" Being President of the United States means that people let you get away with it a bit more.
This is actually very common form of humor in The West Wing, expect it at least once an episode, and not just from Bartlett but from his staff as well. CJ once gave such a deadpan response that she offended Mandy who took her seriously.
Wheel of Fortune: Pat Sajak, full stop. When he's not going for Self-Deprecation, he'll usually deadpan something, like jokingly asking a very loud contestant to "speak up", or saying something like "now this is going to be really tough" when a contestant's letters reveal the bonus puzzle entirely.
The Wire: Many, but Bunk Moreland is the most prominent:
Rhonda: [reading an affidavit] You all cannot spell for shit.
Jennifer: Well, Les? Don't you have a "line" for me? Les: "Hi. I'm fabulously wealthy."
Wonderfalls: Jaye definitely fits this one. Mahandra sometimes too. In fact dead pan snark is a staple for Brian Fuller: George and Rube on Dead Like Me and Emerson Cod on Pushing Daisies fit this one as well.
Both Mulder and Scully can be this; Scully usually makes snarky remarks at the wacky ideas Mulder suggests, while Mulder snarks at everything.
Scully: "Mulder, toads just fell from the sky!"
Mulder: "I guess their parachutes didn't open."
A Scully snark moment from season 3's "Pusher":
Mulder: Modell psyched the guy out, he put the whammy on him!
Scully: Please explain to me the scientific nature of 'the whammy'.
Or from the episode Redux II:
Mulder (upon seeing the Cigarette Smoking Man in a hospital): "Please tell me you're here with severe chest pains."
X-Play: Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb do this all the time, especially when they review games that they give a 2 out of 5, and more so when it is a 1 out of 5.
Yes, Minister: Bernard has a good knack for this (although, they're often followed by an apologetic gesture because he is talking to his superiors). Jim Hacker and Sir Humphrey also tend to throw them in.
Ingrid, when she and Vlad are tied up as hostages in Van Helsing's caravan:
Robin: What're you doing?
Ingrid: Having a sing along, what does it look like?
The Count, when Van Helsing has disguised himself as a woman (in very pantomime-dame fashion) to infiltrate the Dracula castle:
Van Helsing: We'll meet again, soon.
Count Dracula: Can't wait. By the way, love the dress!
Ivan: We'll start small, just a few cute bunnies.
Boris: You mean kill them?
Count Dracula: No, take them syncronised swimming, of course kill them!
Robin: Should you do what's best for yourself or what's best for your friends?
Zoltan: Ah, most people would say you should put the wellbeing of others before your own. Look at me, I have never been selfish. And now... I'm stuffed, ignored, mounted on wheels.
Život a doba soudce A.K. (Life and Time of the Judge A.K.): A Czech TV series following personal life and cases of a judge. A good part of the series is the protagonist's inner monologue snarking on everyone involved in the case of the week.