Characters / The Nostalgia Critic: Malcolm's Characters

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After Demo Reel ended, Malcolm Ray and Rachel Tietz started to perform in The Nostalgia Critic's skits and storylines, playing different characters. While Rachel left the show in early 2014, Malcolm remains a regular performer with a variety of characters.

In General

In General

• Action Survivor: While he loses, and is a Non-Action Guy most of the time, he puts up a much longer fight against Dante Basco than Critic did, and Critic actually seems sincere when he says he assumed that Malcolm could sort it out himself.
• The Alcoholic:
  • In the The Christmas Tree review, it turns out that when Critic doesn't need him, he drinks from a flask that he tries to hide when Critic bursts in.
  • In The Adventures of Pluto Nash, he keeps a champagne bottle in hammerspace and gets wasted with Tamara on their days off. When she asks where he gets the booze from, he tells her she doesn't want to know.
• Alter-Ego Acting: At Connecticon, Malcolm said that aside from the Devil, his favorite 'character' to play is this exaggerated version of himself.
• Amazon Chaser: Not to the extremes of Critic, but he prefers to let the more dominant Rachel or Tamara lead the way.
• The Anti-Nihilist: What's under the Stepford Smiler trait. His pretentious Contemplate Our Navels in Matrix Month is about how life is full of lying to yourself and that the past informs the present, but spinning it in a positive way.
• Badass Boast: After saving him in Matrix Reoaded, he tells Critic to never deny his pretentiousness again, while putting his katana sword back in its sheath. It's cooler than it sounds.
• Badass in a Nice Suit: Doug likes putting him in snazzy suits (even saying at a con, quite rightfully, that he fills them out beautifully), see the characters of Satan, Carrot Juice and Black Willy Wonka, all of whom command authority.
• The Bait: Critic uses him as such in “The Best Avatar Episodes”, starting with We Need a Distraction against Dante Basco, pretending he's going to fight behind him and leaving him to fend for himself. He also gets used by Dante, telling Critic that everything's fine (when it's not) to lure him out.
• Batter Up!: He uses a baseball bat, and he's given Critic a couple of no holds barred beatdowns with it.
• Because You Were Nice to Me: Talks the most to Hyper because she compliments him and calls him pretty. Note that he still thinks she's slightly scary.
• Beleaguered Assistant: More so than Tamara or Rachel. In “The Best Avatar Episodes”, he has to be the target practice for Dante's firebending, and when Critic is an Ungrateful Bastard saying “you can't get good help these days”, apologizes for being weak.
• Black and Nerdy:
  • When Critic chases him through the woods because Black Dude Dies First, he tries to counter with movies where the trope isn't true.
  • In The Smurfs, Andre The Black Nerd shows up, and Malcolm thinks Tamara's talking to him when she calls the former “black nerd”.
• Butt-Monkey: In the original Face/Off video, Rachel and Tamara's fighting ended up giving him bruises. This is generally par for the course for his characters as he often plays the Straight Man.
• Boomerang Bigot: His TMZ character is a black man who wants to wipe out the Chinese.
• Break the Cutie: In the same vein as Rachel and Tamara, Critic has made him more fucked up and desperate for boss's affection, and he went from only helping Critic out because it might lose him his job otherwise (Shining) to dealing with Dante's fire-bending alone because Critic was a coward (Best Avatar Episodes).
• Captive Date: Somewhat platonic, somewhat not, as Critic kidnapped him for the job and Malcolm isn't allowed to leave Chicago, but fancies Critic.
• Clothes Make the Superman: Wearing the Sokka costume in “The Best Avatar Episodes” makes him go from an Extreme Doormat Non-Action Guy to willing to fight against someone with fireball powers. And when Critic abandons him, while he's really afraid and of course loses, he still holds out for a while.
• Cloudcuckoolander's Minder: In Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, he's the one in charge of keeping Critic under control, in the abusive but well-meaning use of the trope. This comes back in The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle, when he keeps trying to push a broken Critic to suicide, but in better ways that won't leave gore everywhere.
• Conflicting Loyalties: He's in love with the Critic and wants to help him out (usually this ends up in getting used), but also wants him to suffer. So essentially he's a typical person with a Critic crush.
• Contemplate Our Navels: When he's brainwashed in Matrix Month, he relishes every opportunity to have a rambling speech.
• Control Freak: In Hyper's fourth vlog, he wants to be able to read minds and control matter. It gets darker when he talks about evolving and breaking down the matter while you're controlling it.
• The Corruptible: Because he's an Extreme Doormat who needs affection, he can switch from following Tamara and punishing Critic for being awful, enabling Hyper Fangirl when she wants to force Critic to love her (because she's been nice to him), or being on Critic's side and acting just as sexist to Tamara as he is.
• Cowardly Lion: He might be Weak-Willed, but he fends off against Dante Basco's firebending for a decent amount of time because Critic asked him to help but proved how cowardly he was by leaving him to it.
• Cloudcuckoolander: When playing the Eartha Kitt Catwoman.
• Crazy-Prepared: He hid a whiteface costume in the woods just in case a “crazy white person” tried to kill him. And because both Critic and Rachel are racist white people, they don't recognize him.
• Creepy Good: Carrot Juice freaks out Critic with a dead-eyed smile and popping right up in his personal space, but tells him not to be upset and that it's “the greatest day ever”, shows everyone Critic's home movies (not in a malicious way) and was just happy to have representation.
• Cuteness Proximity: He goes all gooey with Tamara over the young Attorney General of Crimea, wanting to eat her up.
• A Darker Me: With Critic lampshading You Look Familiar, there's a strong implication that Malcolm and Carrot Juice are the same person, or at least the latter is Critic's version of the former.
• Desperately Craves Affection:
  • He doesn't particularly like the Hyper Fangirl (for obvious reasons), but her complimenting his clothes and camera gets him acting a lot nicer to her.
  • 2007-Critic uses this to his advantage, preying on his and Tamara's need to be included by promising them he'll use them more than present-Critic. He uses Malcolm as a table.
• Did Not Get the Girl: Comes off as the case when he's friends with Rachel up until hitting on her and getting blocked by Critic, but then just not caring when she leaves.
• Disguised in Drag: Malcolm had to play Eartha Kitt for the Catwoman review.
• Distressed Dude: In Bridge to Terabithia, he plays a poor crying random who is tied to a chair by Rachel!Leslie and is starved and tortured with scrotum waxings.
  • Critic chases him through the words, trying to kill him because he's black, and he dresses up in whiteface to escape it.
  • Apparently Critic kidnapped him for this gig, as in The Smurfs, Black Nerd makes to call the police saying “Critic kidnapped another black guy again”, and Malcolm looks alarmed, say it's true, and gets punched by Critic to make him shut up.
• Ethnic Scrappy: invoked Plays parodies of this. Although as Malcolm IRL has noted, the parodies can sometimes end up redundant and therefore just as racist.
• Even the Guys Want Him:
  • Judging by the “Awesome Comics” promo, he seems to fancy Shaun Mendez, wanting a pervy magazine with him in it and calling him the “future of America”.
• Everyone Has Standards:
  • When Hyper asks him at Midwest Media Expo to give her Critic's hotel room number, he thinks that's going too far and outright runs off when she's still oblivious. He also backs off very quickly (helped on by Rob urging him to run) when Hyper tells him she likes him more than she does Tamara.
  • He might like Critic taking him out for dates to assuage his White Guilt, but during Planet of the Apes (2001), he moves in and gives him a Death Glare when he has no idea what he's talking about regarding slavery, and punches him when he gets a patronizing “boop” on the nose.
  • There's a running joke that he has some weird fetishes, but even he's disgusted at the prospect of shipping a sister and brother.
  • He has creepy issues with kids, but has concern for the “boring protag kids” Critic is torturing in Percy Jackson.
• Extreme Doormat: For the most part he either just takes Critic's shit (with some Everyone Has Standards) because it's easier that way, or combats with passive-aggressiveness. He's also the one enabling Hyper the most (like telling her they're friends when clearly not meaning it) because he wants affection even though he finds her disturbing, although it's not like she understands when he even tries to stop her doing anything.
• False Friend:
  • Acts like a Nice Guy to Critic's pain in The Wicker Man (2006), but is really on Tamara's side and is all too happy to torture him with a bat. Also doubles as Kick The Son Of A Bitch as Critic had always been abusive and wanted to kill him in The Shining just because he was black. He deserves some retribution.
  • More understandably, while he's nice to Hyper (and tries valiantly to ignore her more disturbing comments), he's not actually her friend. When she asks him to be, his reply is a very halting “...s-sure?”.
  • He's turned on Tamara quite a few times as well, mostly because Critic is being mean to her but treating him nicer in comparison.
• Fanboy: In Ghost Dad he turns out to be a big fan of Sam & Max, and tells Tamara how to do both voices right. In Disney Afternoon, he also likes Transformers and has an Optimus Prime action figure.
• Fourth-Wall Observer: While he's probably the least aware of the fourth wall than other characters, he still recognizes in the “Top 11 Worst Avatar Episodes” that there's two minutes left in the episode and something will go wrong.
• Genre Savvy: In The Shining Mini-Series review, Malcolm was hesitant of returning to Psycho-Critic, because he knows what happens in these kind of movies to the black guy. Promptly, he only returns with an armor on and a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant disguise in store.
• Good Is Not Soft: When Jason is wearing a Confederates hat at the end of The Monster Squad, he very happily waves a gun in his face while also slinging a friendly arm around him. It gets the message across.
• Handsome Lech: At the end of Jurassic World, he joins Critic in leering at Tamara, wanting her to be the Ana in the 50 Shades review, even though she makes it very clear she doesn't want to.
• Hidden Depths: He's reading “Understanding Human Behavior And The Social Environment” at the end of “Disney Afternoon”.
• Hood Ornament Hottie: Rare Male Example Played for Laughs, as his clip in the Moustache music video is him working on a car and shaking his ass at the camera.
• Hypocritical Humor: In Bridge to Terabithia he tells Critic to live his childhood fantasies at some other time, but then does the exact same thing. He's not as bad as Critic though, because when Critic does it again, he agrees with Rachel that they should try working for ''CollegeHumor'.
• Identical Stranger: Fans noticing that Malcolm looks like Dule Hill was lampshaded in one throwaway line during the TMNT movie crossover.
• I Just Want to Be Special: He tells Hyper in her fourth vlog that he wants to live in the Marvel universe because that would mean he has powers. Telekinesis to be exact.
• Innocently Insensitive: In Disney Afternoon, he praises Doug and tells Critic unknowingly that it "must have had some impact on [his] life". Critic reacts violently. The same happens when he reminds Critic of the DuckTales theme song.
• In Touch with His Feminine Side: Not as extreme as Critic, but still there. Like when he's reacting to the obnoxiousness of Schnookums And Meat, he's clinging to Pinkie Pie's doll like she's a Security Blanket.
• Instant Expert: In the TMNT crossover BTS, he's shown to be almost perfect at wielding nun-chucks. Doug on the other hand, sucks at that and deprecates he's better at posing like a cheerleader with them, Foot Popping and all.
• It's All My Fault: He's the first one to think in The Last Airbender that Critic is a Failure Hero, but when Rachel admits that he's pathetic, he blames himself.
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Issues aside, he has Love Martyr affection for Critic and tries to take care of him in ways he knows how, is reasonably optimistic about chances for anything, and when he senses Rachel is hurting in The Shining, invites her out for pumpkin stuff.
• Joke Character: Subverted in the Fantastic Four (2005) review, he gets the power to turn objects into video game characters. It's a joke ability (if based on him being a Control Freak) and is treated as such even in-universe. That is, until he becomes a Lethal Joke Character, when he defeats Cthulhu by turning him into a video game character. Effectively making him the strongest member of the team.
• Kubrick Stare: Mixing with Slasher Smile at the end of The Swan Princess, as when Critic learns he has to do The Lorax (2012), Malcolm grins, cocks his head down and glares evilly at him beneath his eyebrows.
• Love Martyr: He knows full well how abusive and awful Critic is, but by the Hyper Fangirl's vlog, he's realized he also thinks Critic is really cute.
• Made of Plasticine: In comparison to most other TGWTG characters at the very least. While they can take much worse punishment without a scratch, Critic can beat on him and he'll be in bruised/bleeding pain for the rest of the episode.
• Manchild: While he gets annoyed at Critic's mid-life crisis affecting his life negatively, he also wants to stay in his childhood.
• Manipulative Bastard: While he needs a boost from Tamara, he does a good job playing friendly and supportive when Critic is crying from not knowing what meme to use when in reality he just wants to hurt him.
• Martyr Without a Cause: While with much screaming at Critic for being a coward, he still distracts Dante Basco with being target practice for at least five minutes, and even apologizes to Critic's ungratefulness for being “weak”.
• A Match Made in Stockholm: According to The Smurfs, Critic kidnapped him, and according to the first Hyper vlog, he's also Malcolm's Closet Key.
• Momma's Boy: Disney Afternoon has him beaten hard enough to get bruises all over his face, but the only thing he gets angry about is Critic using his mom for his Hollywood Midlife Crisis illusion.
• Morality Pet: While he doesn't make Tamara a nicer person generally, when he cries or gets hurt she's always comforting him or wants to help. Reversed every so often though, like when Critic is vulnerable and she's the one who has to tell him to stop taking advantage.
• Non-Action Guy: In contrast to Tamara's Nerves of Steel during Disney Afternoon, he is far more helpless and keeps glancing over to her when Critic is sticking a gun in his face. And while he puts up a good fight against Dante's firebending, he obviously didn't last.
• Obfuscating Stupidity: A lot of the time he plays stupid or harmless to make Critic feel like the boss. At the end of The Swan Princess he outright tells him that they've been out of the Closet Sublet for a while and just making him think that they hadn't. In Matrix Month, being brainwashed and so clearly knowing something Critic doesn't, allows him to take the lead and show off.
• Only in It for the Money: In ''Blue Brothers 2000”, he comes around to Critic's thinking when Critic shows him that just saying the word “pony” gets them views and cash.
• Perpetual Smiler: Carrot Juice. As grouchy Critic asks, “what's he so happy about anyway”? It's revealed in the end that he's just happy that Alice in Wonderland (2010) had a black man in a main role.
• Plucky Comic Relief: As Malcolm!Sokka
• Politically Incorrect Hero: Not as bad as Critic, but he's still willing to be misogynist to curry favor with his boss, reminding Tamara that “girls suck!” after the first time they're terrible to her in The Monster Squad review.
• Power Fantasy: He shows a little too much joy at the thought of torturing someone (and it couldn't be anyone else than Critic) with telekinesis in Hyper's fourth vlog.
• Prone to Tears: He breaks down sobbing on Tamara's shoulder just because Nash told him there's going to be a review of Highlander.
• Properly Paranoid: He buried a whiteface kit in the woods just in case the white people he works with went crazy. He was right to do so.
• Red Oni, Blue Oni: The blue oni to Critic's (and sometimes Tamara's) red. This even goes for cartoon shows in Disney Afternoon, as Critic likes the energetic timeless cartoons, while Malcolm likes the more suburban laid-back ones like Pepper Ann, Goof Troop and unfortunately for him, Doug.
• The Resenter: The conflict part in his Conflicting Loyalties. Being chased through the woods and nearly dying just because you're a black guy would give anyone resentment issues, even if you're a Love Martyr.
• Security Blanket: While both Jason and Critic borrow it, he spends most of The Monster Squad, both when he's Stepford Smiler mode and when he's depressed, cuddling the Appa plushie.
• Servile Snarker: But never on his own. If Rachel or Tamara are in a snarky mood, he'll join in. He's too scared of/in love with the Critic otherwise.
• Shameless Self-Promoter:
  • In the fifth vlog, Hyper says she's going to go off and stalk the Critic again and he responds with quick approval (even if he's disturbed by how she even gets into the studio so much) before going back to talk about his voiceover work.
  • Played for laughs in the Event Horizon behind the scenes, as he has one of the site's Critic t-shirts and jokes that he's selling out for the company.
• Sharp-Dressed Man: In the two episodes where Critic changes his and Tamara's personalities because he's just that lazy with his job, he switches out Malcolm's usual casual clothes for suits and Lennon glasses.
• Skewed Priorities: He thinks Pinky And The Brain splitting up is depressing enough to be considered America taking steps back after the plus of legalizing gay marriage.
• Slasher Smile: As much as Critic deserves it, he sure looks pleased at the thought of torturing his boss with a baseball bat.
• Small Name, Big Ego: In the Fantastic Four (2005) review, he whores himself, Critic and Tamara out to the press, saying they're still amazing even when they've done nothing, and when press calls him out on it, he turns the guy into a video game character.
• Sour Supporter: It's clearly not her reasoning, otherwise she wouldn't be so desperate to 'help' Critic, but Rachel only convinces him to go back to their boss by saying they could be out of a job if something bad happens. This is justified, as he's more than aware of racist tropes in scary movies and funnily enough doesn't want to die.
• Stepford Smiler: Check out his blank happy smile even when The Monster Squad reveals that “Scary German Guy” is a holocaust survivor, or when they're trying to stop reality from getting to them. And while reality's Mind Rape makes him stop, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer shows he still has this trait, telling Tamara that Critic's solution for being mentally ill should just be repression.
• Straight Man: Most of his characters.
• Straw Feminist: In Ghostbusters, he's on the side of Critic is sexist because he maybe didn't like the new movie and not for the actual sexist things he's done.
• Sweet on Polly Oliver: When Tamara dresses up like a cowboy in The Monster Squad to get into Critic's boy club, it fools everyone and has Malcolm thinking “he's” hot. Rare example where the male character is (in-universe) bi already.
• Talking the Monster to Death: Befitting his role as Non-Action Guy and Stepford Smiler, he saves Critic from Schmucker by blowing up the latter's henchmen with babbling about nihilism.
• Token Black Friend: For a loose definition of “friend”. He's one of the only people that Critic even talks to, and the fact that he's treated as a Token Minority is lampshaded pretty often. Given The Smurfs, he might have been kidnapped just for this purpose.
• Token Minority: He's the Black Kid in The Monster Squad review, and shows in the opening to Jupiter Ascending that he's irritated with people treating him like he has to represent all black people.
• Toxic Friend Influence: Will occasionally enable Critic's need for money and anger at his audience. Notably though, the first time he did this, Critic lampshaded that he'd mind raped him and Tamara into being his scientists.
• Throw the Dog a Bone:
  • In Care Bears Nutcracker, he gleefully tells Tamara that he likes the White Guilt films because Critic will be nice to him for a while and take him out for dinner after. She congratulates him on this plan. The end of The Matrix Revolutions is something similar, as after reassuring Critic that it won't be anything heavy, he and Tamara get their abusive boss to agree to have coffee with them and talk like equals for once.
  • In Demolition Man, his seashell idea makes Critic want to marry him and he's celebrated at a con. ^note Although according to Rob, filming that got Malcolm his first ass-grab, which he's slightly terrified about.
  • In Planet of the Apes (2001), when Critic makes racist comments and condescendingly boops him on the nose, he gets to punch Critic in the face with no repucussions.
  • According to twitter, Critic, in-universe Malcolm and in-universe Tamara are in a relationship, so he got the "bromance" and more with Critic that he'd wanted.
• Trademark Favorite Food: Althought is played as an episode joke, Malcolm wants to find all the pumpkin goodies he can find during The Shining Mini-Series review. Subverted in The Happening, as he's suddenly obsessed with oranges but that's just because he's being controlled by them.
• Ungrateful Bastard: While he latches onto Tamara like a Replacement Goldfish, he was friendly with Rachel yet happily tells Critic in Face/Off after her video that he's more interested in Cage month than missing her at all.
• Unwitting Instigator of Doom: While he's unsettled by it, he makes Hyper think that her wish to Mind Rape Critic into loving her is totally okay, which is most likely the final push she needed to kidnap Critic at the end of Small Soldiers.
• Villain with Good Publicity: In Fantastic Four, along with Tamara and Critic, as he whores them out to the press and turns anyone who criticizes them into a video game character.
• Waistcoat of Style: In Jurassic World, he looks very handsome in a brown waistcoat.
• Wholesome Crossdresser:
  • In the Pixels behind the scenes, he says he's lost count of how many times he's been in drag.
  • In Jem, he happily takes Critic's and Tamara's place in drag and a wig for the executives to make a crappy 80s movie at the end.
• Yank the Dog's Chain: In Eight Crazy Nights, Critic says you can click away from the review, and it cuts to Malcolm getting with Rachel. Critic, being a dick, separates the two and doesn't even let Malcolm get any booty from him either.
• Younger Than They Look: In the Garfield behind the scenes where he's getting wrinkle make-up, he jokes about looking aged is a side-effect of working in CA.
• You Know I'm Black, Right?: The thought is clearly on his face when he sees Fat Grandma for the first time.

Satan

Satan

Made his debut in the Critic's review of Son of the Mask, where he tried to raise his daughter Evilina into a real spawn from Evil.

• Affably Evil: He is both pleasant and cheerful when he runs into Santa Christ, giving the impression that he'd be someone you wouldn't mind meeting while he's not there to collect your soul.
• Anti-Hero: How Malcom sees him at least, keeping the balance between Hell and everything else.
• Bad Guys Do the Dirty Work: In every appearance.
  • Satan arrived in time before the Son of The Mask DVD could destroy Santa Christ and the Critic.
  • Arrived in time before Peter the Producer could show Critic and Evilina all the Dr. Seuss movies and collects his soul as payment for his Deal with the Devil.
  • Was pursuing Shyamalan who escaped from Hell in the Devil review and apprehended him once he revealed himself before he could talentbend Critic.
• Breakout Character: Alongside Santa Christ and Rick, Satan appears as a character in Jesus, Bro!.
• Chick Magnet: Surprise, the Hot as Hell devil in a nice suit gets a lot of ladies.
• Deal with the Devil: Pretty obvious, though in this case he was responsible for Critic's great Zod impression and Souless' success with bad Dr. Seuss movies. He also gave Aunt Despair demonic powers and would be more than happy to give Hyper Critic if she sold her soul over.
• The Devil Is a Loser: People started to see him this way after the Shyamalan movie so he responded by acting like the devil from Spawn unfortunately he took inspiration from the movie instead of the comic
• Domestic Abuser: The emotional kind. As stupid as Kim is made out to be, she still doesn't deserve to be called a whore for wanting her daughter to be good, and he and Santa Christ laugh about how he's never kind to her.
• Eldritch Abomination: His Kermit the Frog form from the "Spawn" review.
• Endearingly Dorky: Shows his softer side every now and then, with Real Men Wear Pink thrown in there too. For example, the Spawn ending has him dancing with an army of Kermits and even Critic thinks it's endearing.
• Even Evil Has Standards: Subverted. Since he's trying to convert his daughter into Pure Evil, he's disgusted by cute shows like My Little Pony, The Care Bears and Dora the Explorer, while Bratz is not that bad for the purpose.
  • Played straight when he's shocked to learn that the Critic doesn't think Mike Myers was as funny as people tend to remember. Moreover, he's not exactly fond of the Dr. Seuss movies either, and seemed actively disgusted by Soulless.
• Even the Guys Want Him: According to a panel at Midwest Media Expo, Doug apparently fangasmed over how cool Malcolm looked as the devil when he first saw him.
• Fair-Weather Friend: He and Critic might have a villainous friendship, but Malcolm says that he'd still hand Critic over like a toy to Hyper if she were to sell her soul.
• Hero of Another Story: He tends to make appearances when the villains who make deals with him get out of hell or when their time is up. And with Malcolm headcanoning that he keeps the balance between hell and everything else, he comes off a lot more heroic than Critic or Reboot!Santa Christ.
• Hot as Hell: It's lampshaded that he's sexy, and Doug had Even the Guys Want Him feelings when seeing Malcolm in the suit for the first time.
• Hunk: While it's really Shyamalan talking, Devil lampshades his attractiveness by having him be proud of his “pretty profile”.
• I Just Want to Be Loved: Doug's Creator Thumbprint so even a devil has this trait. In Spawn, he feared he wasn't as popular as he used to be, so took notes from the movie even though it's awful.
• Loves the Sound of Screaming: Like Sage before him, is delighted by Critic's pain.
  Satan: (hears Critic scream in fear from fanged baby in Son of the Mask) That's my music!!!
• Manipulative Bastard: At Midwest Media Expo, Malcolm-as-Satan says he would know exactly how to make Hyper make a Deal with the Devil: give her Critic's soul and let her play with him.
• Man of Wealth and Taste: He dresses in a very sharp and stylish suit.
• Mister Seahorse: In the shocking twist at the end of the fourth Nostalgic Commercials video, he reveals that he's pregnant!
• Only Sane Man: In reboot's Dysfunction Junction, he stands out at being good at his job, is happily evil yet a cool and collected Manipulative Bastard, and the only time he displayed issues was when he was Not Himself.
• Papa Wolf: He's very involved with his daughter's upbringing as the Spawn of The Devil.
• Real Men Wear Pink: When he casually sets his hell up in Critic's ass, he spends most of his time putting in nice plants. He also has a girly notepad in Spawn, and when Critic side-eyes, fiercely says to not judge him. He also has an adorable pink tentacle pen.
• Red and Black and Evil All Over: Thanks to his Nice Suit and red dress shirt.
• Satan: Just not the horned devil kind.
• Slasher Smile: In Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, when he's proud of Evilina growing up so fast, i.e making Joe's life a misery (and mutilating him somehow) with her mind.
• Sharp-Dressed Man: Satan Is Stylish. At Connecticon 2016 Doug said that it's actually Malcolm's own suit, and "it wears him beautifully".
• So Proud of You:
  • He likes the way Critic's sadistic mind works. Critic hearing this and fluttering happily tells you all you need to know about where his brain is at.
  • He also tells Evilina this in Ghost Rider II, when she's learned to do horrible things to Joe with her mind.
  • At Midwest Media Expo, after Tamara says that Hyper would get Critic if she sold her soul, Malcolm-as-Devil tells her he likes the way she thinks.
• Surprise Pregnancy: At the end of Dawn Of The Commercials.
• Tough Love: He sent Evilina on a trip to Texas to help her grow up and hone her skills better, while still keeping contact and telling her how proud he is.
• Villain Decay:
  • Subverted in the review of Devil-it seems like he's lot more silly and stupid than normal... except the one who acts stupid is actually Shyamalan, while the real one is quickly shown to still be a Magnificent Bastard.
  • Played straight in the Spawn (1997) review, though, where his idea of taking over the world is getting multiple Kermit the Frogs to sing and he needs to be reminded how to be a devil just because a bad movie stopped making people take him seriously.
• Your Soul Is Mine!: Critic sold his soul to him in The Cat in the Hat review, and Malcolm thinks that his character has power to give said soul away to, for example, Hyper if she wanted to Deal with the Devil.

Dog Johnson

Dog Johnson

Michael Bay's ghetto roomate.

• Blaxploitation Parody: In particular, he is a parody of Bay's rather questionable and insensitive approach to non-white characters.
• Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: While Bay is a recurring villain, neither him or Tina A appeared again, mostly because even Rachel thought it was a Redundant Parody.
• Only Sane Man: After Michael Bay rises, he and Tina A. question his direction choices (too much slow motion and explosions) for being too much.
• Straight Man: Aside from his stereotypes, he's the one who talks Bay into his senses to cheer him up.

The Breaking of the Wind

The Breaking of the Wind

The mystical, living personification of the Fart Joke.

• Anthropomorphic Personification: He's a humanized representation of fart jokes.
• Disney Death: The Master of Disguise ruins the Fart Joke, temporarily erasing The Breaking of the Wind from existence.
• Magical Negro: At least, the Critic seems to think he's one, at any rate.
• Only Friend: Because he's pushed everyone else away by this point, Critic is practically crying when he begs Fart Joke not to leave him.
• Walking the Earth: He goes wherever the wind blows him.

Shyamalan

Shyamalan

A once-promising film director who now prides himself on plot twists he likes but others find convoluted and lame. He appears wearing a mask and wearing a dark robe.

Played by Malcolm, Voiced by Rob.

• Adaptational Villainy: Compared to the real-life M. Night Shyamalan, this one actively enjoys making awful films and revels in the destruction of the Avatar franchise.
• The Artifact: He wears an Amon mask since his first appearance was the Critic's The Last Airbender review, but he continues to wear it in later appearances that have nothing to do with Avatar.
• Back from the Dead: In The Happening, Critic asks how come Shyamalan keeps coming back after dying at least twice in his reviews.
• Beneath the Mask: Literally at the end of Lady in the Water, as he takes off his mask when Critic/Tamara/Malcolm indulge him, and is revealed to be genuinely excited about movies (if awful at them).
• Big Bad: Of the much anticipated The Last Airbender review, and of the Devil review.
• Black Cloak: Combines it with Malevolent Masked Man.
• Card-Carrying Villain: He boasts about being able to strip good actors of their talent and openly admits to making bad films on purpose.
• Characterization Marches On: Before he actually appears in the The Last Airbender he appeared to be a Fire Lord Ozai parody, but when he actually showed up became a Amon parody.
• Composite Character: He is a parody of M. Night Shyamalan but he is also based in appearance and methods on The Legend of Korra's Amon, wearing a black robe and mask and delivering a video taped threat similar to Amon's addresses to Republic City.
• Creepy Monotone: He never raises his voice above a monotone, just like Amon.
• Death Is Cheap: He reappears in the review of After Earth, where the Critic says he's already killed Shyamalan twice. Shyamalan proclaims that anything with his name attached to it makes no sense, and to go to a Linkara video if he expects continuity.
• Defeat Means Friendship: After his Villain Decay in After Earth, Critic helps him in Pixels to “sandlerize” Peter Dinklage instead of “shyamalanize”, and for his part he's thankful.
• De-power: He has mastered the art of "Talentbending". Just like Amon can strip benders of their Elemental Powers, Shyamalan can strip people of their acting ability.
• Devil in Disguise: Inverted. He was disguised as The Devil in the "Devil" review.
• Even Evil Has Standards:
  • His reaction to the twist to Foodfight! was a pained "No. Just… No" Reaction.
  • In the Pixels review, even he finds the movie making a bad joke and thinking it's funny awkward.
    "Christ, this is to awkward even for me! AND I AM SHYAMALAN!"
• I Just Want to Be Loved: Implied at the end of The Happening, as he sulks that Critic probably hates the movie, and when Critic says he finds it enjoyably bad, he's pleased and says he doesn't have to Mind Rape anyone else then. Confirmed at the end of Lady in the Water where Critic, Malcolm and Tamara give him the attention he wants, and he takes off his mask and talks excitedly about his movies.
• Not-So-Harmless Villain: As useless as he's portrayed, he's still the only enemy able to make Critic a literal Empty Shell, and would have done it again in Devil if he hadn't been stopped.
• Past Victim Showcase: He shows Critic a talentbended Wahlberg in an attempt to get him to stand down, and shows Critic himself to Malcolm and Rachel before he tries to take their minds away too.
• Red Baron: The "Fuck-Up Lord", as a parody of the Fire Lord from Avatar: The Last Airbender.
• Took a Level in Jerkass: During the shows original run when he reviewed Signs, the Critic expressed sympathy and pity for Shyamalan, claiming he has genuine talent for writing, acting, and directing, and made several great films, but was brought down to a joke due to a string of half-baked film ideas that flopped. Since the revival, Shyamalan is actively trying to the destroy the Avatar franchise, boasts of his ability to strip actors of their talent, and is generally a Card-Carrying Villain when it comes to being a horrible filmmaker.
• Villain Decay: Starts off a a genuine threat in his first appearances, but latter grows harmless.
  • In the The Last Airbender and Devil reviews, he is depicted as terrifying everyone around him and require a Deus ex Machina to defeat him each time.
  • In After Earth, he just trolls the Critic rather than harming him and exits by doing a Woody Woodpecker-esque laugh and jumping through the ceiling.
  • In Pixels the Critic helps him “Sandlerize” Peter Dinklage, and he is thankful. Once he sees the results of this, even he thinks it is awkward.
  • In The Happening Malcolm, Tamara, and Jim get Shyamalized but Shyamalan is not directly responsible this time, and once the group finds out, they are immediately cured. The Critic then admits that he likes The Happening in a So Bad, It's Good way, and Shymalan agrees to not Shyamalize anyone again. invoked
  • In Lady in the Water he genuinely seems to enthusiastic describing his movie idea to the director's at the poker game, even through they think his ideas are ridiculous. When the Critic summons him, the Critic and group are willing to talk to him about his ideas and Shymalan is eager to explain them.

Bennie

Bennie

The Hitman Hyper-Fangirl hired to keep the Critic a Captive Date.

• The Alcoholic: He agrees with Hyper that it's never too early to start drinking.
• Big Damn Heroes: Subverted in "Old vs New: Evil Dead", when he comes to save a hostage Critic from Hyper Boner, but gets distracted by the movies.
• Big "WHAT?!": When both Critic and Hyper-Fangirl are lost for words during a stupid scene, Bennie is the first to voice a confused "What?!"
• Defrosting Ice Queen: He starts out just pointing his gun at the Critic completely deadpan. As the review progresses, he joins them with the commentary.
• Heel–Face Turn: While only a Punch-Clock Villain in the first place, he goes from indulging Fangirl's obsession by keeping Critic at gunpoint and forcing him to be a Captive Date, to blowing the lid on her plan and siding with Critic when he's telling her that what she feels isn't love.
  • Heel–Face Revolving Door: And he's back to being on her side in Christmas Story II, although this is lampshaded by him asking if she'll ever learn her lesson and her replying no and neither will he for ten grand. He's also friends with Critic in Spawn but leaves him tied up in ''Old vs New: Evil Dead''.
• Hired Guns: He's literally there to follow Hyper around while she makes Critic do whatever she wants, and to shoot Critic if he doesn't comply. Hyper thinks he blends into the background after a while, Critic doesn't quite agree.
• Hitman with a Heart: Well, more of a heart than his employer, at any rate.
• Hypercompetent Sidekick: He's good at his job. Really good. Insanely good.
  Nostalgia Critic: (picks up phone) Bennie, I need you!
  Bennie: (on the phone) I'm already there.
• If I Can't Have You…: When Hyper replaces him with Devil Boner as her outlet for violence, he tries to assassinate her.
• In Love with the Mark: At Midwest Media Expo, Malcolm said he's perfectly willing to play a male Stalker with a Crush to Critic, and thinks Benny would be the one to do it. So it's more like... “thinks the mark is hot but doesn't actually care about him”.
• In Touch with His Feminine Side: To a much healthier, balanced extent than Critic. Bennie is Real Men Wear Pink, while Critic's issues with masculinity could go on for pages.
• Lack of Empathy: Aside from the Pet the Dog moment at the end of Princess Diaries 2, he's Only in It for the Money and had no qualms about helping Hyper do whatever she wants to Critic for two weeks as long as he was paid.
• Lima Syndrome: Malcolm said at Midwest Media Expo that he'd totally be fine playing a male stalker of Critic, and teases that Benny should be the one to do it.
• Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places: Despite agreeing with Critic that Hyper is wrong, he really does think that the signs of a good relationship are bickering, manipulating, lying and insulting each other. To his credit he's embarrassed by it.
• Moment Killer: For the good, as if he hadn't found the Transformers 4 tape, Critic would have kissed Hyper and completed the falling into Stockholm Syndrome.
• No Social Skills: More than his employer, but he's far more likely to get what he wants by using his gun than actually even saying anything to the other person (who is usually Critic).
• Not So Above It All: In Old vs New Cinderella, he proves he's not quite so Only Sane Man, trying to kill Hyper because she doesn't need him anymore, and having a dude-fight with Devil Boner.
• Not So Stoic: Downplayed when he starts quivering at the idea that Hyper doesn't need him anymore, but played straighter when he has a great time talking about Evil Dead with Hyper Boner and laughs out loud with them.
  • He's surprised at how beautiful Hyper looks in her wedding, and looks choked up multiple times during the ceremony.
• Only in It for the Money: When he's irritated at Fangirl for never learning her lesson about not leaving Critic alone, she gives him ten grand and he says he'll be there in ten minutes.
• Only Sane Man: His calm demeanor is a welcome distraction from Hyper Fangirl being crazy and Critic being a (lampshaded) sexist hypocrite.
• Opportunistic Bastard: The moment he sees a knife, he's ready to plunge it into Critic's back. Hyper has to be the one to stop him.
• The Omniscient: He claims to know where everyone is at a given moment.
• Punch-Clock Villain: He only takes part on kidnapping the Critic because Hyper Fangirl hired him. Outside of that, he is seen enjoying the testosterone collection with the Critic and even does jobs for in Spawn and (briefly) "Old Vs New Evil Dead."
• Real Men Wear Pink:
  • He admitted that he was crying like a bitch during Runaway Bride. When the review is over, he joins the Critic to watch The Expendables 3 while reading Jane Austen.
  • This evolves into a running gag, as he is seen in the Christmas Story II review cleaning a gun and reading Emma lamenting the fact that "Clueless is a fucking ripoff."
  • In Hyper's Q & A vlog, she says he lives with her and Devil Boner in their basement, and spends most of his time reading Jane Austen and polishing his guns.
• Villainous Friendship: According to The Phantom of the Opera (2004) behind the scenes, Devil and him get on decently, and he spends his vacations down there.
  • He befriends Devil Boner at the end of "Old Vs New Cinderella" and betrays Critic's request for help to spend time with him and Hyper in "Old Vs New Evil Dead". According to Hyper, he lives with them and all are happy in this arrangement.
• Sharp-Dressed Man: He wears a completely black suit. This might be one of the reasons why Hyper thinks “he blends into the background after a while”. In the episode's commentary, Doug says that Malcolm looking handsome in the suit is why the character got popular in the first place.
• Stealth Hi/Bye: So good at stealth that he pulls one of these on Devil Boner while he was looking directly at him.
• The Stoic: He typically speaks in a tough monotonous voice and keeps his face straight.
• Took a Level in Jerkass: He agreed (and bonded) with Critic in the end of Princess Diaries II that what Hyper was feeling wasn't love, but is back helping her in Christmas Story II. Lampshaded as Hyper says she'll never learn her lesson, and for ten grand neither will he.
• Voice Changeling: The Ready Player One (2018) review reveals that he can imitate Hyper's voice perfectly. Apparently, "it's not so hard if you practice."
• Wild Card: He's on the side of whoever can pay him best.
• Woman Scorned: A male example but his reaction to Hyper replacing him with Devil Boner is to try and kill her.

Pencilhead the Troperaiser

Pencilhead the Troperaiser

A spoof of Pinhead, with pencils instead of pins.

• Everyone Has Standards: He explains in great detail how great Stephen King's cliches are, and even he's bored by Critic's patentedly sappy speech at the end of the movie.
• Humanoid Abomination
• Shout-Out: He's a parody of Pinhead from Hellraiser.
• The Spock: Says “this is fun” in a completely deadpan manner, and obsesses over Stephen King tropes instead of critically enjoying the movie.
• Too Kinky to Torture: He loves Stephen King movies because the tropes bring him pain.

Black Willy Wonka

Black Willy Wonka

• Affably Evil: He makes no promises to not destroy anything, and suggests to caramelize Hyper's insides, all with a laidback smile.
• Batman Gambit: Analyst Two is really Black Willy Wonka. He set out to make the horrible Dr. Seuss movies to make sure people remember the books, and will appreciate how great they really are now that they're contrasted against the adaptations. Though given that we later find out he likes to just be a dick for no reason and make up excuses after the fact, this might not be true.
• Book Dumb: He's cunning, manipulative and has fourth wall powers, but thinks a passage from ''A Midsummer's Night's Dream” is rap lyrics.
• The Chessmaster: He made the Seuss films purposely terrible and dated, assuming everyone would hate them (despite the review of How the Grinch Stole Christmas! having the moral be "you can like it if you want to") so they would appreciate the books more.
• Dead Person Impersonation: Killing "the man who had got what he always wanted" and stealing all his belongings implies that the guy he killed was the original Willy Wonka.
• Disc-One Final Boss: He is initially presented as the mastermind of The Matrix films at the end of the Reloaded review, but admits he was just working under orders from someone else.
• Even Evil Has Loved Ones: According to Doug he's married to Analyst 1 and does actually love him.
• Evil Feels Good: He created all the bullshit around Ghostbusters because "being a trolling asshole is fun".
• Fourth-Wall Observer: In "Spider-Man: Old vs New", he calls himself a "popular holdover from the last review", and in Matrix Reloaded he takes the place of Doug as a "creator" Critic talks to. Also in the 2015 DVD, he mind rapes Critic to get him to do what the audience wants.
• Hair-Trigger Temper: In the tranquil fury sense. He'll caramelize anyone who disagrees with his views.
• Magical Negro: Played with a little because his Dissonant Serenity is meant to be creepy, but his whole purpose is to make things go the way Critic wants them to and stroke his ego.
• New Powers as the Plot Demands: Played for laughs in Critic's review of his home movies, as he quite literally decides he should have Mind Rape powers.
• No Sense of Personal Space: They had only just met for five minutes and he ends the Lorax review giving an uncomfortable Critic a big hug. As he'd also just told him he'd killed a man, this is most likely just to freak him out.
• Only Sane Man: If only Critic had listened to his initial suggestion of just unfriending Hyper when she's trying to guilt him into being with her. Of course the second suggestion, liquefying her insides, isn't exactly sane, but Critic ends up wanting to do that more than once.
• Scary Black Man: In a Soft-Spoken Sadist "acts like he's on your side but probably isn't" kinda way.
• Soft-Spoken Sadist: He speaks in a quiet, lilting voice, even as he casually admits to stuff like killing a man and stealing all his possessions and caramelize anyone who disagree with his views.

Barack Obama

Barack Obama

• The Comically Serious: Every time he appears, he delivers funny lines in a completely deadpan manner.

Cliff

Cliff

• Creepy Child: Unlike his nicer but traumatized sister(s), he gets excited about animals being hurt and has a concerning fascination with naked Barbies, though this has been downplayed from the Monkeybone review onwards.
• KidAnova: In a creepy way, as his 'playing' with a Barbie in Conquest Of The Commercials doesn't bode well for how he'll treat human girls.
• Momma's Boy: In Lady in the Water, Aunt Despair is wrecked as ever and falls over, but he's still glad it's better than nothing.
• No Name Given: Up until Hulk where it's revealed his name is Cliff.
• Security Blanket: When Aunt Despair is pathetically reading him a bedtime story, he clings to a Waddles plushie.
• Troubling Unchildlike Behavior: His sadism and harassment of the aforementioned Barbie were concerning enough, but assuming he's her only brother, Old Vs New Evil Dead suggests he once buried Hyper alive.
• Used to Be a Sweet Kid: It's only when his parents start scaring him more often does he go into enjoying animals being abused and being disturbing with Barbie dolls.

Carrotjuice

Carrotjuice

• Composite Character: He's a mashup of the White Rabbit (Or in this case, Black Rabbit) and Beetlejuice.
• Easter Bunny: Is revealed to be this in "Hop".
• Noodle Incident: He got Malice sent to a mental institution, leading her to want to capture him to prove she isn't crazy.
• Rascally Rabbit: His debut episode has him steal Critic's old home movies hard drive as his Establishing Character Moment. He also says "Wa-hey!" and zips around.
• Sad Clown: Is this in "Alice Through the Looking Glass".
• Troll: Likes to mess with Critic for kicks.

D-Bag

D-Bag

• The Antichrist: By the end of the I'll Be Home for Christmas review, it is revealed that D-Bag was the Devil's nephew.
• Hate Sink: Deconstructed. He's so easy to hate, and actually begs people to hate him, but Critic finds it so pointless to hate him because it takes more effort to be kind and find ways to relate to someone else.
• Jerk with a Heart of Jerk: On the way to the Critic's place, he comes across a little kid who pours his heart out to D-Bag about how he could not go home for the holidays and be with his family. In reaction, D-Bag then burned the boy's house down just 'cause.
  • Somewhat deconstructed in that he deliberately wants people to hate him, but the Critic finds that far too easy to do and that his attitude isn't worth it.
• Sadist: By every meaning of the word.
• Strawman Political: Subverted in that he says nothing political while being evil, but from the way Critic treats him it's clear he's meant to be to a Trump supporter stand-in.

Bill

Bill

• Nice Guy: Every character he interacts with loves him and praises how nice he is. In "Flinstones: Viva Rock Vegas'', Critic says he's the only Bill he knows who isn't a cheater or a rapist.
• Parody Sue: Let's see: He gets introduced without us knowing who he is, gets along with everyone due to him being a super nice person, can solve Hyper's and Devil Boner's relationship issues via convenient couple therapy skills, was briefly the king of Iceland, and dresses in an over the top colorful fashion; he fits the bill.
• Remember the New Guy?: He's created to mock this trope, appearing for the first time as the Critic asks him why movies don't introduce new characters and just assume viewers know them, though Critic insists he's always been there. He also turns out to be Benny's brother.
• Rummage Sale Reject: His costume is best described as throwing whichever props were available on Malcolm and see which one sticks.
• The Shrink: He works in therapy and is the only one who can handle Hyper Boner's crazy.
• Talking with Signs: He does this at one point to give away subject of the next review.
• Team Dad: He helps Hyper Boner's relationship, is the daddy in Harley's Daddy Little Monster shirt, and Critic freaks out because without Bill nobody will look after him.
• The Voiceless: He communicates entirely in hums of varying pitch and tone.