Crazy as a Soup Sandwich
"As certain as death and taxes, we are told that the meek will definitely inherit the Earth. Perhaps, but not always. Consider if you will, Mr. Arky Lochner, a well-known petty crook, sidebar six-for-fiver shylock, registered coward, and owner of a yellow streak so vivid, it could be slathered on a hot dog. Mr. Lochner was written out of the will when the meek were guaranteed their inheritance, and just now he is trying to avoid another kind of payoff, a soulful payoff, in that off-track betting parlor we call — the Twilight Zone."
Arky Lochner (Wayne Robson) is a cowardly petty crook who tries to make a quick buck in the dog-eat-dog world he calls home. His latest get-rich-quick scheme resulted in him selling his soul to a gaseous demon named Volkerps (Garry Robbins; voiced by Thick Wilson) in the hopes that he could win big on horse racing. Since all the horses died as they crossed the finish line, Arky has been going on the run to keep Volkerps from nabbing his soul. With no other source to turn to, Arky is forced to rely on Nino Lancaster (Anthony Franciosa), the powerful mob boss he borrowed his betting money from, to get the demon off his back. Strangely, Nino accepts Arky's request for protection and works with him to banish Volkerps without any hesitation, but why he hasn't asked any questions about his problem remains to be seen.
Tropes
- Adaptational Job Change: Cassandra Fishbein, the medium who summons Volkerps for both Arky and Nino, is a hairdresser. In the Comic-Book Adaptation, she owns a T-shirt shop.
- Animorphism: While debating on what to do with Arky, Volkerps considers turning him into a bug and feeding him to Diptha, his serpentine mate.
- Butt-Monkey: ARKY. This man just cannot catch a break in anything he does, being passively rebuked by the opening narration as a failing petty crook and all-around coward who tries to get out of every bad situation he can. The clincher is that he sells his soul to a demon just so he can win big at the horse races, only to get screwed over and forced on the run, ultimately reduced to begging the mob boss from whom he borrowed his betting money to help him. Said mob boss does help him, but only because he's a more powerful archdemon who wanted Arky's soul for himself.
- Card-Carrying Villain:
- Volkerps is big and bombastic whenever he appears, expressing pleasure in how he's going to make Arky squirm. His opening scene even has him say that he's going after Arky because he's a demon, and torturing people for their souls is what he does for a living.
- Nino is more subdued than the gaseous demon, but he's still established to own many criminal enterprises in the city and has nearly every cop in town on his payroll.
- Comic-Book Adaptation: This episode was adapted for the first issue of NOW Comics' short-lived Twilight Zone series in 1991.
- Covert Group with Mundane Front: Mob boss Nino uses a little shop on the city harbor known as "Nino's Toys & Imports" as a front for his smuggling operation.
- Deal with the Devil: Arky sold his soul to Volkerps so he could win big at the horse races. All the horses died of mysterious circumstances when they crossed the finish line, so now Arky's trying to get as far from the demon as he can so he doesn't have to fork over his soul.
- Death from Above: Volkerps kills Cassandra, the medium who summoned him on Arky's orders, with a bolt of lightning after she contacts him again for Nino.
- Demon Lords and Archdevils: In the final scene, it's revealed that Nino is actually an archdemon, hence why he's aware of Volkerps' nature and why he's so influential and powerful on Earth.
- Denser and Wackier: This is the last episode of the 1980s remake of The Twilight Zone to fully dedicate itself to comedy, and as seen in the episode, the showrunners went all out, making the titular demon ridiculous, the whole cast hammy, and the cinematography ludicrous. Even the episode's title is aware of how ridiculous the whole thing is.
- Didn't Think This Through: Arky sold his soul to Volkerps so he could win big at the racetrack, using over $100,000 dollars he borrowed from Nino. He had no idea that the demon would cheat him to collect his soul as soon as possible.
- Dirty Cop: Cassandra threatens to call the cops if Nino and his henchmen, Gus and Bork, don't leave her salon. Nino advises that she's better off not doing this, as nearly every cop in the city is on his payroll.
- Dirty Coward: Arky has spent a good deal of time on the run, if not from Volkerps demanding his soul, then from Nino demanding the money's he's owed.
- Downer Ending: Arky is freed from Volkerps' grasp, but only because Nino, an archdemon disguised as a human, wanted his soul instead.
- Enemy Mine: Nino, the powerful mob boss, helps Arky, the petty crook who borrowed a huge amount of money from him, get rid of the demon pursuing him.
- Evil Is Hammy: Volkerps absolutely goes to town on the buffet that is the scenery. It's fitting considering the comical nature of the episode.
- Evil Versus Evil: Volkerps, a demon who's after Arky's soul, goes up against Nino, an incredibly powerful mob boss to whom Arky begs for help.
- Glowing Eyes of Doom: At the end of the episode, Nino's eyes glow when he's revealed to be an archdemon.
- Here We Go Again!: Volkerps is out of the picture, but Nino's revealed to be an archdemon in mortal form. As a result, Arky now owes his soul to him.
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Idiot Plot: Arky sets the plot in motion by selling his soul to a demon so he can win big at the track. Volkerps and several other characters tear into him for his idiocy. - Invincible Villain: Nino has total control of the criminal element in his city, has most of the cops in the police department working for him, is good friends with the mayor, and has Arky owe him $165,000 with a ludicrously inflated interest rate. As it's revealed in the end that he's actually an archdemon in disguise, it's likely that his demonic abilities are the reason why no one can even touch him.
- Legion of Doom: Volkerps states that he's a member of the Fourth Canonic Order of Demons.
- Long-Lived: Volkerps, the demon Arky tries to get out of selling his soul to, claims to be 32,000 years old.
- Loser Protagonist: Arky. The poor man's a total coward, a failure of a crook, and he's not at all ashamed to beg when a demon comes after him for his soul, only for the mob boss who he pleaded for protection from is an archdemon far more powerful than the original demon, and Arky owes his soul to him now. He's so pathetic, in fact, that the closing narration directly pities him for his dilemma and his ultimate fate, something it had never done in any version of The Twilight Zone up to this point.
- The Mafia: Nino is a mob boss who runs all of the criminal enterprises in town, has many cops in the police department in his pocket, and Arky owes him $165,000 (at a daily interest of 750%). It's revealed at the end that he's an archdemon far more powerful than Volkerps, implying that it's his demonic power that enables him to get away with everything.
- Motor Mouth: Everyone in the episode is ludicrously chatty, as a means of reinforcing the sheer wackiness of the whole thing.
- Our Demons Are Different: Volkerps appears as a large, green cloud of gas with a booming voice, who is able to kill people by zapping them with lightning. He also demonstrates a weakness to lead, which Nino uses in the paint he has his office sprayed with. When he's zapped with his own lightning, he gains a more humanoid form and begins bleeding a mixture of ichor and slime.
- Out of the Frying Pan: Arky, a failure both as a criminal and a human being, sells his soul to Volkerps in exchange for winning big at the track, only to get cheated by having every horse die after crossing the finish line. He goes to Nino, whom he borrowed his betting money from, to beg for protection against the demon. Nino does so, but only because he's an arch-demon in human form, and now Arky owes his soul to him.
- Race Lift: One of Nino's henchmen, Bork, is white in the episode. In the Comic-Book Adaptation, he's black.
- Rewatch Bonus: Nino doesn't originally ask any questions about Volkerps and offers to help Arky get him out of the way pro bono. The ending reveals that he's an archdemon disguised as a man, and by watching the episode again, this twist explains why he's so powerful in the world of crime, and it also reveals that he knew what Volkerps was up to and how to stop him from the very beginning.
- Sealed Evil in a Can: Nino manages to get rid of Volkerps once and for all by using a spell to shrink the demon and trap him in a small box. He previously did the same thing to Volkerps' father, whom Volkerps himself meets in there.
- Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: Nino is extremely verbose for a mob boss, using several multisyllabic words in every sentence he says. He even lampshades it when he refers to his speech pattern as "complex syntax."
- Shout-Out:
- Hazel Thorne, Nino's moll/accountant, says "Here's lookin' at you, kid." to him as he intends to capture Volkerps himself.
- The opening narration describes Arky as a "six-for-fiver shylock", a reference to The Merchant of Venice.
- Smoldering Shoes: Cassandra's smoking high heels are all that's left of her after Volkerps zaps her with a bolt of lightning.
- Stupid Crooks: Arky is already described as a moronic coward who has no business being a crook, but the plot of the episode comes about because he sells his soul to a demon solely so he can win big on the horse races. When he comes to Nino for protection, he doesn't notice how Nino doesn't ask him any questions or challenges his beliefs, which proves that he's an archdemon who wanted his soul for himself.
- Supernatural Repellent: To trap Volkerps in his office, Nino has Gus and Bork acquire 100 gallons of lead paint and has them spray 12 layers of the stuff on the walls, floor, and ceiling so Volkerps won't be able to leave.
- Title Drop: The closing narration describes how ludicrous Arky's whole dilemma is, calling the act of selling one's soul to an archdemon "crazy as a soup sandwich".
- When the Clock Strikes Twelve: Volkerps arrives in Nino's office at midnight to claim his first refusal option on 51% of Arky's soul.
- World of Ham: Between Arky's strong and whiny New York accent, Nino's overly-verbose speech, and Volkerps' booming voice, you can bet that there's a lot of ham present.
"Oh, Arky, Arky. Poor Mr. Lochner. In the magical, mystical bookie parlor we call the Twilight Zone, there's an old, old, very old saying:" "Making a deal with a demon is seriously crazy. But making a deal with a master of demons? Well, that's crazy as a soup sandwich."
