"There was something about them that made me uneasy, some longing and at the same time some deadly fear. I felt in my heart a wicked, burning desire that they would kiss me with those red lips."
— Jonathan Harker, Dracula
...And the computer is like "Do I have to spell it out for you? A V.A.M.P.I.R.E.!"
And the girl is like "OH MY GOD!.....THAT IS SO HOT!"
And the girl is like "OH MY GOD!.....THAT IS SO HOT!"
— Chester A. Bum, review of Twilight
Throughout history he has filled the hearts of men with terror, and the hearts of women with desire.
— Tagline for Dracula (1979)
I don't get it. Felicia loves Morbius, you love Blade... What am I missing? Fangs?
— Whistler, Spider-Man: The Animated Series
"When you turn into a vampire, you become very... sexy."
— Deacon, What We Do in the Shadows
"I go for a look which I call dead but delicious."
— Vladislav, What We Do in the Shadows
"We are attempting to remake the image of vampirism into something desirable. As such, we cannot just be beautiful; we must back up that promise of beauty in the bedroom. All vampires must be spectacular lovers and will learn to be so. Emphasis on learn. I do not put sexual prowess into the criteria of who becomes a vampire, because I would rather someone with too little experience than too much. A blank canvas I can work with. Breaking existing bad habits is far more difficult.
Individual lessons will be given in proper intercourse; however, I will give a general overview. Vampire sex comes into two styles: passionately sensual or animalistic frenzy. There is no in-between. There are no other categories. Talking dirty is beneath us. Role-playing is redundant. Light bondage is acceptable. However, more extreme fetishism is expressly forbidden. Again, you represent all of us, and even here, we must retain a level of respectability."
Individual lessons will be given in proper intercourse; however, I will give a general overview. Vampire sex comes into two styles: passionately sensual or animalistic frenzy. There is no in-between. There are no other categories. Talking dirty is beneath us. Role-playing is redundant. Light bondage is acceptable. However, more extreme fetishism is expressly forbidden. Again, you represent all of us, and even here, we must retain a level of respectability."
— Dr. Talby, An Unattractive Vampire by Jim McDoniel
"In those younger years my home was a hive of unbridled hedonism, a roiling apiary where instinct and impulse were indulged with wild abandon. A bewitching predator slipped in amidst the swarm of tittering sycophants. Though outwardly urbane, I could sense in her a mocking thirst. Driven half-mad by cloying vulgarity, I plotted to rid myself of this lurking threat in a grand display of sadistic sport. But as the moment of murder drew nigh, the gibbous moon revealed her inhuman desires in all their stultifying hideousness..."
— The Ancestor, Darkest Dungeon
Anyway, Dracula sure isn't a book about "normal" sex; there's no Missionary Position going on here. Count Dracula (and the weird sisters as well) are apparently dead from the waist down; they make love with their mouths alone. The sexual basis of Dracula is an infantile oralism coupled with a strong interest in necrophilia (and pedophilia, some would say, considering Lucy in her role as the "bloofer lady"). It is also sex without responsibility, and in the unique and amusing term coined by Erica Jong, the sex in Dracula can be seen as the ultimate zipless fuck. This infantile, retentive attitude towards sex may be one reason why the vampire myth, which in Stoker's hands seems to say "I will rape you with my mouth, and you will love it; instead of contributing potent fluid to your body, I will remove it," has always been so popular with adolescents still trying to come to grips with their own sexuality. The vampire appears to have found a short-cut through all the tribal mores of sex... and he lives forever, to boot.
— Stephen King, Danse Macabre
"You clearly know nothing about the teenage girls! She thinks I'm even more tragically sexy than before!"
—Jurgen, Sam & Max: The Devil's Playhouse
Detective: [from other side of a two-way mirror] Solina, Dr. Seward here tells me you believe yourself to be a vampire. Now how does one become a vampire, Solina?
Solina: No, how does one become... a lover?
Detective: Well, I-I don't know.
Solina: [rises up in a non-human manner] One is chosen.
Detective You see that?
Dr. Seward: [turns around to face Solina] See what?
Solina: [sultry voice] Would you like to be chosen, Mr. Detective? Are you waiting for a woman to choose you as a lover?
Detective: [turns to look at Dr. Seward] You getting this on tape?
Detective: [unnerved] Now, Solina, you... you can't see me.
Solina: Of course I can. [moves closer to two-way mirror] I can even see the outline of your cock against your pants, so don't even pretend you're not interested.
Considering that vampires are very, very old undead people, whose flesh is unpleasantly cold and hard (marble-hard chest, flawless, icy features), it is surprising that they manage to have a sex life at all. Nevertheless, many tourists have a fling with a vampire on their Tour, so if this happens to you, there is no need to feel bad about it, or worry about your newfound interest in geriatric necrophilia. In some cities, a steamy vampire encounter is practically a coming-of-age rite.
However, if you are not careful to limit your affections, you may find yourself in the middle of a Love Triangle involving vampires and ordinary humans. You should also watch out for vampires who are only able to orgasm while feeding; they will not bother to reciprocate your attentions, and you will be left frustrated and anaemic.
However, if you are not careful to limit your affections, you may find yourself in the middle of a Love Triangle involving vampires and ordinary humans. You should also watch out for vampires who are only able to orgasm while feeding; they will not bother to reciprocate your attentions, and you will be left frustrated and anaemic.
—The Tough Guide to Fantasy Cities
, on Vampires
, on VampiresThey [the hunters] were appalled by the warmth and desire he [Dracula] sucked out of their women. Perhaps most, the men of the village were horrified by the way he could turn their women against them, terrified by the lust they would see in the eyes of women they had loved or desired — lust in their eyes not for them, but for him.
—Narration box, Dracula Versus Zorro, issue #1
