'"The Great and Good of Gallifrey ... are all determined that you should never read this book."
A Brief History of Time Lords, is a Doctor Who Expanded Universe book by Steven Tribe set in the Whoniverse. The tome covers the history and culture of the Time Lords encompassing information throughout the whole series up until the Series 9 finale — "Hell Bent".
In-Universe, the book is written by the boy whom Twelve met after he escape his Confession Dial in "Heaven Sent". Now an adult, he has set down to record the true history of the Time Lords to the best of his ability — which is no easy task with so many incomplete and conflicting accounts with many a snarky comment thrown in for good measure.
Tropes Include:
- Abusive Alien Parents: The author sadly notes that Gallifreyan children are taken from their families at age eight; in fact every seven year old child dreads turning eight. After they look into the Untempered Schism they are put through a selection process into becoming a) Time Lords, b) Soldiers, or c) Member of the Chancery Guard. It's all but stated that those who fail the selection to become Time Lords are chosen for the army or Chancery Guard."The thing that every 7-year old on Gallifrey truly dreads is turing 8. Being taken from their family and failing the selection. What will you fail, to become child? Soldier? Chancery Guard? Time Lord?"
- Agri World: Bizarrely the majority of Gallifrey's population outside of the Time Lord cities are farmers.
- Alien Non-Interference Clause: Discussed. While most Time Lords think they have it, but the Celestial Intervention Agency was established via Loophole Abuse to stop more "primitive" races from misusing time travel technology and causing havoc, the majority being blissfully unaware. It's also why when the Second Doctor was put on trial for breaking the non-interference law he was only temporarily exiled to Earth with a forced regeneration instead of being a made a public example of; he was just doing what was unofficial Time Lord policy anyway, so the CIA decided to just let him continue doing his thing and make him an agent. Unfortunately for them, they underestimated how much the Doctor relished his freedom and independence and hated being bounced around like a galactic yoyo — the affair with Omega provided them with the perfect opportunity to end the exile, while still recruiting him for missions.
- …And That Little Girl Was Me: The In-Universe author is the boy that the Twelfth Doctor met after he escaped from his Confession Dial, we don't find out his name, though.
- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Rassilon got his start in Time Lord politics by objecting to the use of the Time Scoop to force other alien races to fight in deadly gladiator games, and his first act as President was to ban it. The author then points out that rather then dismantle it, Rassilon decided to keep the Time Scoop around in his hidden chamber and left instructions how to use via the Black Scrolls of Rassilon.
- Call to Agriculture: The author states that the official line that the majority of Gallifrey's population live in either Arcadia or the Capitol, and only a handful of malcontents live outside in the wilderness is false; billions of Gallifreyans live on farms and homesteads all over the planet; after all, even Time Lords need to eat.
- Continuity Porn: Oh boy! Every major bit of Time Lord history from the show and Expanded Universe is mentioned including:
- The Great Vampires, the ancient enemies of the Time Lords in the Old Time are discussed in the early chapters.
- ''The Worshipful and Ancient Law of Gallifrey'' and its thief Professor Chronotis are mentioned in the compendium of Rassilon's Artifacts and well-know Time Lords (in fact he's the only EU Time Lord to be given an entry).
- Surprisingly, material from the Big Finish dramas is few and far between despite coming out not long after "The Night of the Doctor". Prominent EU character and fan favorite Irving Braxtiel (stated in The Empire of Glass to be the Doctor's brother) is not mentioned in the list of prominent Time Lords. But there are some sneaky references mainly:
- Romana becoming President when she eventually returned to Gallifrey.
- The Inquisitor from the Sixth Doctor's Trial is listed under her Big Finish name, Darkel.
- There are also references to how the events of "Shada" happened twice with at least two incarnations of the Doctor; Four in the unfinished TV version and subsequent novelization and Eight in the Big Finish version.
- The Sixth Doctor drama, "The Apocalypse Element" is also given a mention or as the author calls it — "The Etra Incident".
- A very subtle one to the books: the author points out that The Book of the Old Time "entirely fails to mention Omega or any other". New Adventures fans will automatically capitalise that last word.
- The description of how awesome the planet outside the Capitol can be if you actually look at it is a mashup of the Doctor's "daisiest daisy" speech from "The Time Monster", and Susan's description of her then-unnamed homeworld in "The Sensorites".
- Epic Fail: When Omega used his stellar manipulator to create the Eye of Harmony — the black hole that fuels Gallifreyan time travel, he "got his sums wrong" as the author puts it and was nowhere near a safe distance when the star chosen for the experiment exploded into an event horizon, which is why he got sucked into the anti-matter universe in the first place. At least that’s what appeared to have been what happened...
- Evil Is Petty: It's suggested that Missy was the one who gave Rassilon the idea that the Doctor knew the identity of the Hybrid after she escaped Skaro. Maybe. It's really not clear either way.
- Fate Worse than Death: The author actually regards failing to become a Time Lord a blessing in disguise. After all, what could be worse then spending your whole life in a bubble?"Or worse will you pass, and spend all your lifetimes inside one of those bubbles? Forget your past life until it comes naturally to you to recoil from the outside, shut it out, condemn it. Perhaps you'll only cope with your sterile existence by shutting out all that life. Or shutting yourself in."
- Forgotten Phlebotinum: Billions of gallifreyan farmers produce food for the Time Lords despite the TARDIS having a Matter Replicator that can make food out of nothing.
- Founder of the Kingdom: The early part of the book deals with Rassilon and Omega's time travel experiments and Rassilon's subsequent rise to power. The Other, their mysterious partner in other EU materials is not mentioned at all, at least not directly
- Glory Hound: Rassilon. When he wrote "The Book of the Old Time" he took great care to make sure he got all the credit for creating the Eye of Harmony (the author admits that nobody know who wrote it, but since Omega isn't mentioned in it, it's easy to guess who wrote it).
- It's All About Me: The author notes with amusement how despite his penchant for naming everything after himself, how Rassilon made two exceptions — "The Hand of Omega" (which was Rassilon's idea to name it, apparently just to be able to call it that in his memoirs) and the Eye of Harmony (which was for purely political reasons).
- Know When to Fold Them: It's suggested that Rassilon knew there was a rebellion brewing against him so he willingly let himself be locked up in his tomb in the Dark Tower; with necessary precautions of course to entrap any Time Lord mad enough to seek immortality.
- Lemony Narrator: The author's history tome is peppered with very Doctor-esque snark, aimed at Time Lord pomposity. For instance he describes Rassilon as "an all around clever clogs", and points out how the Time Scoop sounds like a "rubbish utensil".
- Magic Versus Science: Possibly one of the reasons why the Sisterhood of Karn left Gallifrey. From then on the Time Lords and the Sisterhood took opposing paths — Gallifrey became a society of science, the Sisterhood — a mystic cult. The author notes that the Sisterhood actually surpass the Time Lords when it comes to telepathy and telekinesis.
- No Man Should Have This Power: Rassilon took precautions so that no Lord President after him would ever match him in power; mainly that nobody could figure out how to use his Artifacts, so subsequent generations of Time Lords just took them for historical trinkets.
- Not So Omniscient After All: The Time Lord Matrix. While it's algorithms do make accurate predictions it can't predict everything immediately. Case in point? After the Fourth Doctor botched his mission to avert the Daleks' creation in "Genesis of the Daleks", the Matrix didn't forsee the coming Time War because it was so far off in the future for even the Matrix to see coming.
- Orwellian Retcon: Something that the author had to deal with when compiling this tome. The Time Lords do this on a regular basis hence why so much of their history is murky.
- Retcon: Missy's claim from "The Magician's Apprentice" that the Doctor absconded with the daughter of the Lord President is true and her identity is revealed to be Susan, the Doctor's granddaughter. However it's mentioned that her history is very difficult to trace and there's nothing to contradict her actually being related to the Doctor. (Missy's claim itself was probably a Mythology Gag to the short story "Birth of a Renegade" from the height of the No Hugging, No Kissing era, which makes the same claim.)
- The Reveal: Regeneration is a natural Gallifreyan trait regardless if you're a soldier or a Time Lord.
- Running Gag: It's amazing how many of Rassilon and Omega's very powerful and dangerous inventions ended up stolen or missing from Gallifrey, with nobody really caring.
- Self-Deprecation: The author absolutely no problem taking his people down a peg or two by recording their many many flaws.
- Shrouded in Myth: A lot of Time Lord history due to (intentionally) poor record keeping and Rassilon's ego.
- The origins of the Time War are discussed. It mentions every skirmish that the Time Lords and the Daleks from the show and the other Expanded Universe works as a reason — the whole point is that nobody really knows how it started.
- Unreliable Narrator: The author states that Time Lords are notorious for this and gives numerous examples of the "unofficial record". Even the author might be one, after all Gallifrey Lies.
- The Un-Reveal: What happened to Susan, Leela, and Romana? Well as far the author knows Susan is still living in 22nd Century Earth. As for Romana, her fate and the circumstances of how she was replaced as President with Rassilon the Restructured are glossed over. Leela isn't even mentioned apart from her marriage to Andred.
- Vestigial Empire: After Rassilon was overthrown Gallifrey stagnated with no strong leader to guide or direct them, complete forgetting the technological marvels at their command. That Time Ring from "Genesis of the Daleks"? The invention of the CIA, who were the only ones who even bothered trying to create new technology. The author laments how the legendary splendor and grandeur of the Capitol degraded overtime until by the time Borusa became President it became as ugly and boring as an inter-galactic space hub.
- What the Hell, Hero?: Very subtle, but the author is very disappointed how his childhood hero the Doctor could never be bothered to bring peace and stability to Gallifrey; preferring to shirk his presidential duties which ultimately left Gallifrey in the hands of ineffectual bureaucrats and despots.
