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Funny / Dark Souls

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As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked. You Have Been Warned.

  • Frampt's overly excited reaction should the player deliver the Lordvessel to him:
    Heavens! You have done it! You have retrieved the Lordvessel! After a thousand years! It is you, it is really you! [bizarre, phlegmy sounding cheer] [long, awkward pause] Er, heh. Forgive me, I really should calm down.
  • When Frampt falls asleep again the player is unable to use their service. You wake him up by hitting him once. Use of one's fist is best for maximum hilarity at the sight.
    Uh... ah! I am fine! Well and wide-awake! Do not treat me like an old, withering snake!
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  • You can earn Frampt's contempt by running up to him in excitement and accidentally falling down his hole instead. He'll claim there's no way you're the chosen one, but who's to say clumsily stumbling to exactly where you need to be isn't what makes you Chosen?
  • Past the bonfire after the Taurus Demon, going up the tower in the side door at the entrance of the Undead Parish will have you come face to face with a goddamn Black Knight. Or more accurately, face to face with their giant goddamn sword. Prepare to Die indeed.
  • Patches will sometimes utter this gem when the player browses his wares:
    • All of the excuses Patches gives for attempting to murder the player are played for laughs as well. From claiming that he accidentally fell on a lever to trying to convince the player that he's their friend, he finds any way he can to plead for his life. The funniest is after he tricks them in the Tomb of Giants. He straight out tells them that he's a murderer and a deciever when he thinks they won't survive, but when they return he denies it and shrugs it off as an impulse he can't control.
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  • Should the player become egg-burdened and talk to Eingyi, he'll come out with this:
    Your dedication is fully apparent. Only, well... your head looks awful.
  • The Channeler enemy's dance when they buff up nearby enemies. Getting their staff allows you to also do the dance, leading to several instances of people invading other player's worlds and merely standing there, repeatedly doing the dance.
    • Which inevitably led to this.
    • To top that: the only game where player-versus-player matches which are usually serious business, often turning into a free-for-alls, instead becoming impromptu dance sessions.
  • Siegmeyer of Catarina repeatedly showing up in the most improbable places, often asleep, and, as he puts it after you wake him up, in "quite a pickle."
    • He falls asleep in Blighttown! Land of disease, toxic water, and giant mosquitos! And he did it standing up!
  • Some of the armour combinations can be this. For example, try wearing Smough's set of armour except for the helmet (even funnier if you customize your character to have a smaller-than-average head). Or wearing Smough's helmet, armour and gauntlets... combined with a Hollow Warrior waistcloth.
  • The Symbol of Avarice, a rare drop from Mimics that boosts item drop rate and increases the number of souls you obtain, at the cost of constantly draining your life. It's also...well, a description would do it injustice. It's a mimic's head helmet. Complete with lolling tongue.
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  • The description of the Plank Shield.
    Provides minimal protection, but at a cost of moderate humiliation.
  • The Chameleon Sorcery enables the player to transform themselves into an inanimate object, such as a large urn or a shrub for example, to blend in with their surroundings. While this spell is active, it can be highly amusing to wander up to an NPC, initiate a conversation with them, and watch as said NPC appears to be happily chatting away to an urn. The sheer act of moving around while transformed is also hilarious to behold.
  • The description of the Rubbish.
    Who in their right mind would bother carrying this around? Perhaps you need help.
  • Performing a Back Stab on any large, humanoid enemy like Black Knights or Butchers (or even the decidedly non-humanoid Armored Tusk). Because of their size, the animation has the player stabbing them right in the ass.
    • Even worse when you do a backstab attack on these guys unarmed. You can literally fist them to death.
    • Backstabs also briefly knock down the target. If done correctly, with the right environment, you can stab your foe in the back, leap behind a corner or down the stairs... and prepare to backstab them again once they've gotten up.
    • And of course performing a riposte, which uses the same animation except from the front, has similar and intensely painful results.
  • Similarly, an unarmed parry, which has the exact same effect as a shielded parry (no damage, window in the enemy attack for a riposte) except... with your bare hand. That's either this or a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
  • Sometimes, walking away from a character while in the middle of business will prompt them to say some funny remarks.
    Undead merchant: "Heeey! Wha-what's the matter!?"
    Andre: "Oi! Where're you off to?"
  • That Bandit is a Spy!
  • A darkly humorous example: If you kill off Smough first during the Ornstein and Smough fight, Ornstein walks over to Smough's body, puts his hand on it, and absorbs Smough that way. If you kill off Ornstein, however...Smough smashes him with his hammer, and absorbs him that way. What makes it better is that if you watch closely, Ornstein's finger twitches right before he's hit. He's still alive, Smough just doesn't give a damn.
  • Idling hacker with infinite HP and parked miles away from the nearest ledge? No problem.
  • Sic 'em, boy.
  • Ornstein and Smough's fight is made much more comical with the audio edited out and replaced by Ed, Edd n Eddy voice clips, sound effects, and music tracks. It has to be seen to be believed.
  • Sif the Dancing Dog.
  • This fan animation parodying the overpowered nature of the Iron Flesh pyromancy before its nerf.
  • Youtube user GrimDisaster has taken PvP and turned it into a series of absurdist comedy, ranging from bargain bin versions of Ornstein and Smough, a nudist invader who follows around another player smacking his rear (to the point of driving one player to suicide), and two Spartans who use their huge shields to make players waste their time and items, which eventually leads to a 2 on 2 match of nude people fisting each other.
  • The description of the Xanthous Crown.
    Its yellow colour stings the eyes, and it is clearly far too big.
  • The Gaping Dragon can knock itself out when it tries to slam its upper body into you. For some reason this is absolutely goddamn hilarious.
  • This LP shows two of the best messages ever when the player reaches Gwynevere: "Be wary of bleeding" and "Imminent holding with both hands."
  • When standing at the boundary between the Ash Lake and Great Hollow, the music for Ash Lake can be triggered early by staring at the sky and abruptly turned off by looking away.
  • Blocking, in reference to the decently rated message in Manus' boss room.
  • The Undead Merchant's sheer disregard for your life can be hilarious.
  • Some of the mods (not counting stuff that gives you an unfair advantage) offered by the community are a great way to cultivate your enjoyment of the game. To wit:
  • Outfit and armor recoloring are also a hilariously entertaining hobby for modding ideas.
  • YouTube user Krazy999 plays out as a Darkwraith, who murders Solaire just to get his equipment and pose as him, leading to a massive wave of trolling on unsuspecting players. Then, he returns to Firelink Shrine, only to find...
    • For those who don't want to watch the video: Upon returning to the Shrine, he finds a dozen of the powerful NPCs that hang out at the shrine, and because of his murdering Solaire, they are all really, really angry. Beat Them at Their Own Game, indeed.
  • Many, many, many parts of PlagueOfGripes' Dark Souls: in Summary.
    Ingward: "New Londo Waterpark opens today!"
    • Seath the Scaleless betraying the other dragons because they were goddamn assholes. And two of the ones we see are clearly based off of Matt and Pat. Said dragons also were named in their own little spinoff video.
    Marvyn: How's it feeeel Seath? To be a Bitchhhhhh?
    (One betrayal later)
    Philokolo: 1.05 PATCH, SAVE US!
    • Kaathe gets the Dark Party started on his own:
    Kaathe: [In Oolacile] You know what you guys need? To feed on the Humanity of Manus' corpse, the Primeval Man!
    [Cut to Oolacile, monster-infested and in ruins]
    Kaathe: [In New Londo] You know what you guys need? To feed on the Humanity of other humans!
    [Cut to New Londo, similarly infested and in ruins]
    • And before that, he and Frampt watch Gwyn burn himself alive to keep the First Flame going.
    Gwyn: Sunlight fo' life! [lights himself on fire and screams as the First Flame consumes him]
    Frampt: This shit is fucked! I'll go find some more dudes to set on fire.
    Kaathe: That's dumb! You're dumb. I'll go get this Dark party started right!
    • Artorias in this video is absolutely hilarious and has a lot of memorable lines.
    Artorias: Hey, so... Abyss is kind of running wild. Wouldn't know anything about that, would y—
    Kaathe: NO. WHY?!
    Artorias: Let's make a suspicious covenant, so I can get all up in the Abyss's asshole!
    Kaathe: There's nothing about that sentence I don't love.
    • When he gives his shield to Puppy!Sif:
    Artorias: "Take this here greatshield, Puppy!Sif. It will protect you from... urban violence! Now, I'm off to fill Manus's man-cavern with my Estus Flask! Wish me luck!"
    • The best part of this is the face that Puppy!Sif makes, which all but says "Wait, what?"
    • Made better by one of the subtitles in the scene
    Puppy Sif Barking Continues, Unabated by Urban Violence
    • When Manus grabs Artorias:
    Artorias: "Alright, Manus, it's time to— oh no! Oh god, he's putting his Abyss into my catacombs!"
    • Not to mention the video description itself:
    "The Dragon version of Tolkien was said to have once put to pen the idea of a tree that was sort of a brownish gray, instead of just gray. He was immediately executed for his dangerous, heretical ideas."
    • The sequence where Gwynevere does a Sexy Walk while Van Halen's Why Can't This Be Love? plays in the background has become a meme of its own. It's not uncommon to find videos of the song itself and see numerous Gwynevere-related comments, especially "Amazing Chest Ahead"!
      • Seath makes some very suggestive noises upon beholding this, there's a burst of fire, and he shows up holding baby Priscilla.
    Havel the Rock: We can't get the stains out either.
    [Cut to Havel locked in his in-game prison.]
    • One Undead soldier tempts fate spectacularly.
    Soldier: Sir! The latest patch maladapted your stat alignment!
    Undead Captain: [immediately Hollows out]
    Soldier: Ah! So easily!
    • For the ending we actually get to see Plague himself as the Chosen Undead moments before the game starts proper in the Undead Asylum. It doesn't disappoint.
    [Corpse falls from the ceiling]
    Plague: Aah! Dead body!
    Oscar: Psst! I'm letting all the Undead out of their cells to fulfill an ancient prophecy! There's a key on that corpse.
    Plague: Why didn't you just throw me the key, asshole? [notices the key is lodged in the corpse's asshole] Eugh.
    Oscar: [smiling creepily] Perhaps you should find your own answers.
    [Boss music begins causing Oscar to pull a spectacular Oh, Crap! face]
    • And what should the end card be but Plague, nestled between Gywnevere's Gag Boobs?
  • The same PlagueOfGripes's Let's Plague Dark Souls is a monstrosity of a Let's Play clocking in at 58 hours and 39 episodes, and spanning a whole year of self-proclaimed "staring at piles of bricks for hours and contemplating their lore implications." The whole thing is pretty great, but a lot of the better moments can be found here.
  • And once again from Plague, Dark Holes. Featuring the three asshole dragons from his Dark Souls: In summary trying to figure out what the deal with humans is. Highlights include Philokolo mistaking Frampt for the "Penis Deity", Tivon's odd fascination with keeping humans as pets, Marvyn being a spectacular asshole to Seath again, Plague forming a spectacularly large family with a Crow Demon, and the many many jokes about how Frampt will actually eat Dung Pies if the player gives them to him and gives the player 50 souls in return.
  • At the entrance to New Londo, you find a bunch of non-hostile Undead who are on the very edge of going Hollow. Most of them are either crying or going insane... except one on the edge of the cliff, who is reclining in a "sexy" pose.
  • The sorcerer in the Darkroot Garden may switch from flinging Soul Arrows at you to fighting with a shortsword if you get too close. In what's either a bug or a very strange Easter Egg, this may cause him to pause in place while making the "failed spellcast" animation, apparently having attempted to cast a spell with a regular sword.
    • This gets funnier when you consider there is a weapon in Dark Souls 2 that lets you cast sorceries... with a straight sword. That poor sorcerer was just in the wrong game.
  • The Dumbshit's Guide to Dark Souls. The Abridged Series of Dark Souls guides, basically. Highlights:
    • You are now beef jerky!
    • Upon reverting to human for the first time they do the Sexy Walk Why Can't This Be Love? thing mentioned above SURPRISE BUTTERFACE!
    • Many of the Freeze-Frame Bonus captions and inserts are hilarious, particularly the intros where Dark Souls' hardness is compared to...various other things:
      "You think Dark Souls is easy? Nope! It's as hard as mah pecks! MAH PECKS" (shows images of Arnold Schwarzenegger and a guy with flabby manboobs)
      "You think Dark Souls is easy? Nope! It's as hard as DARK SOULS!"
    • The guide helpfully demonstrating why it's not a good idea to go to New Londo or the Catacombs at the start - you will get ganged up by ghosts or skeletons.
    • Undead Burg step 36: Mess up your circus trick. note 
    • The Chosen Undead's crush on Solaire.
    • When the Chosen Undead frees Lautrec: "what a nice man."
    • Upon the return to the Undead Asylum, step 51 is "leave asylum". The Chosen Undead fails that step because she falls through the hole leading to the Stray Demon. Again.
    • Right after defeating the Capra Demon, the Chosen Undead notices her weapon is suddenly doing a lot less damage. She finds out that her weapon ran out of durability, to the sound of Seinfeld laugh track.
    • The reaction to the first appearance of Basilisks.
    • The Gaping Dragon gets Censored for Comedy, and when it kills Solaire, the Chosen Undead goes Giantdad to avenge him.
    • 43: Emotional Ladder Sequence
    • The Chosen Undead getting knocked off the first bridge in Sen's Fortress twice.
    • Upon noticing a Mimic in Anor Londo: IDENTIFY THEFT CONFIRMED
    • Anor Londo's spooky basement.
    • When invading Lautrec & Co.:
    Step 189: Focus entirely on the golden shite.
    Step 190: Ruin his whole life.
    • Narrating what goes through every player's mind when they first face Ornstein and Smough:
    Step 233: Realize you have to fight both of them.
    Step 234: Cry.
    Step 235: Try parrying.
    Step 236: Try standing up.
    Step 237: Try running away.
    • Ornstein and Smough's theme is mixed with Space Jam.
    • After getting wrecked by the aforementioned Dual Boss...
    Chosen Undead: Well, that was fucking unfair. It'd be good if someone could help m-
    Then she notices Solaire sitting by the bonfire.
    Solaire: ayy lmao
  • TheKilianExperience does a "garbage review" of Dark Souls.
    • "This game has been very requested, but I kept putting it off because I assumed it was a Call of Duty rip-off."
    • Kilian decides to play as the Deprived, because it's the only class he finds he can have any respect for (after 40 minutes of deliberation).
      "I'm thinking cleric, because it's probably the only one with a university degree... but probably not the best at fighting monsters..."
      "Thief? What the... what's the thief going to do, walk up to a two-story monster and sell him an unlocked iPhone?"
    • He forgets who the holder of the Fourth Lord Soul is, so he goes with Michael, the convenience store manager.note 
    • Complaining that the Everlasting Dragons could not possibly be considered immortal since they all died. "Seriously, do these guys not have dictionaries!?"
    • Kilian claims that he beat the first three bosses without taking any damage, and decides he must be a Dark Souls prodigy... then he runs into the Capra Demon.
    • "Then eventually you reach this part, called 'Blighttown', which is really annoying, since the enemies have this special ability called 'Framerate issues'."
    • Kilian mentions Gwynevere's Covenant. "Now this would be a pretty terrible review if I didn't explain what Covenants were." The video immediately moves on to talk about something else and Covenants are never mentioned again.
    • Describing how Gwyn locked himself in with the First Flame with only a copy of Dark Souls for PS3 and an adult magazine. The "adult magazine" happens to be 'Lordran Gardening' ("Stunning designs with ornamental grasses").
    • "So Seath decided to research scales, and it drove him completely crazy. Look at all these books! E-Readers, motherfucker, have you heard of them!?"
    • Talking about the Witch of Izalith's disaster with the Flame of Chaos. "Turned her home into Hell. 'Oops!' It did create life though: demons. 'Oops!' And then it turned her into a tree! 'Oops— wait, what?'"
    • "So now we're going to fight Death himself! We've faced demons, and kings, and ancient warriors, and even a tree! But this is the first time we will face an actual god. I have no idea what to expect." Cue rapping about getting a driver's license.
    • Complaining that he didn't get to decide on an ending, because he saw a bonfire, lit it out of habit, and got the Link the Fire ending... probably like a lot of players do.
  • The backstory to Gwynevere's design: Miyazaki originally wanted her design to be elegant and graceful, but the artist drew her like she is now. The designer was so pleased with what he had made that Miyazaki couldn't say no to him.
  • Ash Lake is one of the few non-boss fight parts of the game to have its own soundtrack, designed to swell up in an epic fashion as the player emerges from the Great Hollow and beholds the Scenery Porn in front of them. Unfortunately, it's actually tied to where the camera is pointing- so it's perfectly possible to rapidly turn the music on and off by rapidly adjusting the camera, as demonstrated by TB Skyen here.

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