Funny / Dark Souls

"Praise the Sun!"

Dark Souls may take place in one of the worst and most depressing Crapsack Worlds of all time, but that doesn’t mean there isn't any room for some laughs.

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked. You Have Been Warned.

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• The oh-so-apt Tagline of the very first game: Prepare to Die.
• Frampt's overly excited reaction should the player deliver the Lordvessel to him:
  Heavens! You have done it! You have retrieved the Lordvessel! After a thousand years! It is you, it is really you! [bizarre, phlegmy sounding cheer] [long, awkward pause] Er, heh. Forgive me, I really should calm down.
• When Frampt falls asleep again the player is unable to use their service. You wake him up by hitting him once. Use of one's fist is best for maximum hilarity at the sight.
  Uh... ah! I am fine! Well and wide-awake! Do not treat me like an old, withering snake!
• You can earn Frampt's contempt by running up to him in excitement and accidentally falling down his hole instead. He'll claim there's no way you're the chosen one, but who's to say clumsily stumbling to exactly where you need to be isn't what makes you Chosen?
• Past the bonfire after the Taurus Demon, going up the tower in the side door at the entrance of the Undead Parish will have you come face to face with a goddamn Black Knight. Or more accurately, face to face with their giant goddamn sword. Prepare to Die indeed.
• Patches will sometimes utter this gem when the player browses his wares:
  Welcome to Trusty Patches' Trove of Treasures. We chop prices, not limbs!
  • All of the excuses Patches gives for attempting to murder the player are played for laughs as well. From claiming that he accidentally fell on a lever to trying to convince the player that he's their friend, he finds any way he can to plead for his life. The funniest is after he tricks them in the Tomb of Giants. He straight out tells them that he's a murderer and a deceiver when he thinks they won't survive, but when they return he denies it and shrugs it off as an impulse he can't control.
    • His claim that he accidentally slipped and fell on the lever is even funnier when you glance at said lever, and realise that he had to pull it, not push it, to flip the bridge. That had to have been one heck of a slip for him to manage that...
• Should the player become egg-burdened and talk to Eingyi, he'll come out with this:
  Your dedication is fully apparent. Only, well... your head looks awful.
• The Channeler enemy's dance when they buff up nearby enemies. Getting their staff allows you to also do the dance, leading to several instances of people invading other player's worlds and merely standing there, repeatedly doing the dance.
• Siegmeyer of Catarina repeatedly showing up in the most improbable places, often asleep, and, as he puts it after you wake him up, in "quite a pickle."
  • He falls asleep in Blighttown! Land of disease, toxic water, and giant mosquitos! And he did it standing up!
• Some of the armour combinations can be this. For example, try wearing Smough's set of armour except for the helmet (even funnier if you customize your character to have a smaller-than-average head). Or wearing Smough's helmet, armour and gauntlets... combined with a Hollow Warrior waistcloth.
• The Symbol of Avarice, a rare drop from Mimics that boosts item drop rate and increases the number of souls you obtain, at the cost of constantly draining your life. It's also...well, a description would do it injustice. It's a mimic's head helmet. Complete with lolling tongue.
• The description of the Plank Shield.
  Provides minimal protection, but at a cost of moderate humiliation.
• The Chameleon Sorcery enables the player to transform themselves into an inanimate object, such as a large urn or a shrub for example, to blend in with their surroundings. While this spell is active, it can be highly amusing to wander up to an NPC, initiate a conversation with them, and watch as said NPC appears to be happily chatting away to an urn. The sheer act of moving around while transformed is also hilarious to behold.
• The description of the Rubbish.
  Who in their right mind would bother carrying this around? Perhaps you need help.
• Performing a Back Stab on any large, humanoid enemy like Black Knights or Butchers (or even the decidedly non-humanoid Armored Tusk). Because of their size, the animation has the player shoving the weapon right up their ass.
  • Even worse when you do a backstab attack on these guys unarmed. You can literally fist them to death.
  • Backstabs also briefly knock down the target. If done correctly, with the right environment, you can stab your foe in the back, leap behind a corner or down the stairs... and prepare to backstab them again once they've gotten up.
  • And of course performing a riposte, which uses the same animation except from the front, has similar and intensely painful results.
• Similarly, an unarmed parry, which has the exact same effect as a shielded parry (no damage, window in the enemy attack for a riposte) except... with your bare hand. That's either this or a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
• Sometimes, walking away from a character while in the middle of business will prompt them to say some funny remarks.
  Undead merchant: "Heeey! Wha-what's the matter!?"
  Andre: "Oi! Where're you off to?"
• A darkly humorous example: If you kill off Smough first during the Ornstein and Smough fight, Ornstein walks over to Smough's body, puts his hand on it, and absorbs Smough that way. If you kill off Ornstein, however...Smough smashes him with his hammer, and absorbs him that way. What makes it better is that if you watch closely, Ornstein's finger twitches right before he's hit. He's still alive, Smough just doesn't give a damn.
• Certain enemy placements are very clearly meant to be as hilarious as they are devious. For example, a narrow walkway with a pit on one side in the Chasm of the Abyss has a skeleton archer waiting for you in plain view. Naturally you'd try and rush over before he draws his bow... but he's not the threat alone; he's the bait for a second skeleton hiding behind the blind corner that will kick you over the edge as his first attack.
  • An even more hilarious example involves one of the serpentine creatures in Sen's Fortress. At the beginning of the boulder section, just outside the doorway, an armed Serpent Person shows itself and engages the player in battle... only to be run over by a boulder rolling downhill!
• The description of the Xanthous Crown.
  Its yellow colour stings the eyes, and it is clearly far too big.
• The Gaping Dragon can knock itself out when it tries to slam its upper body into you. For some reason this is absolutely goddamn hilarious.
• The Undead Merchant's sheer disregard for your life can be hilarious.
  Undead Merchant: "Nothing wrong with wanting to splurge when your days are numbered."
• The sorcerer in the Darkroot Garden may switch from flinging Soul Arrows at you to fighting with a shortsword if you get too close. In what's either a bug or a very strange Easter Egg, this may cause him to pause in place while making the "failed spellcast" animation, apparently having attempted to cast a spell with a regular sword.
  • This gets funnier when you consider there is a weapon in Dark Souls 2 that lets you cast sorceries... with a straight sword. That poor sorcerer was just in the wrong game.
• The backstory to Gwynevere's design: Miyazaki originally wanted her design to be elegant and graceful, but the artist drew her like she is now. The designer was so pleased with what he had made that Miyazaki couldn't say no to him.
• Ash Lake is one of the few non-boss fight parts of the game to have its own soundtrack, designed to swell up in an epic fashion as the player emerges from the Great Hollow and beholds the Scenery Porn in front of them. Unfortunately, it's actually tied to where the camera is pointing- so it's perfectly possible to rapidly turn the music on and off by rapidly adjusting the camera, as demonstrated here.
• "This land is peaceful. Its inhabitants, kind." This is how Crossbreed Priscilla describes the disgusting, violent, toxic-inducing monsters you encounter on your way to meet her.
• The Four Kings normally are quite an intimidating boss, being a group of dark-empowered kings that have a wide variety of attacks... unless you put on full Havel's, in which case you just facetank everything and can heal uninterrupted while a King is laying into you. It turns a normally stressful fight into a laughingstock.
• The name of the spell which forces enemies to slow down? "Tranquil Walk of Peace". Someone was clearly feeling like some dark humour when they came up with that one.

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