Funny / Dark Souls II

• The first time you die.
  Achievement / Trophy Unlocked: This Is Dark Souls
• Attempting to cast a spell with an incompatible catalyst will have your character stop and look down at the catalyst in a little, "Oh, whoops," gesture. If you do this by mistake in the middle of combat, that animation time can and will get you killed while you stupidly stare at your weapon and contemplate the mistake you've made.
• You can initiate a conversation with an NPC and then walk off while they're still talking, resulting in a baffled or irritated response.
• The Rat Covenant rewards you with the kinds of things a packrat would like: smooth and silky stones! Which fortunately can be traded with the crows. (And Pharros Lockstones for opening more contraptions, but hey…)
• One of the earliest difficult encounters the player can have, in a corner of Majula of all places, is against a pack of... three little pigs. Besides being small targets, they're tough enough to baffle any newcomer players who take them on. It shows you just can't underestimate anyone in this game.
• The Bell Guardians. A pack of invaders who defend a specific geographic area? Okay, we've seen this before. A pack of psychotic midgets who will kick your ass while waddling after you with oversized axes? Okay, we haven't quite seen that before...
  • Not in a Souls game, anyway.
• In the Iron Keep, there's a lever that lets you turn a potentially tricky fight with a pair of Ironclads into an amusingly anticlimactic dip into the molten metal. After dealing with other Ironclad jerks throughout the game, this is equally hilarious and satisfying.
  • In the same vein, there are also pressure plates in the same area that, once stepped on, drops enemies on the platforms beside them to their molten doom. They are especially hilarious to use against players who've invaded you or who you've invaded.
  • Made even better if you lure the third Ironclad in the room (or any of the other enemies in the room) to the platform by aggroing him with a ranged attack. Just yank the lever the moment he gets on the platform and laugh evilly as he fails to get off in time.
• The first bonfire at the Iron Keep is placed uncomfortably close to a burning platform. Yes, you can get killed by toasting your ass while the bonfire menu is up.
• In Heide's Tower of Flame, at some points during your journey into the area, you come across switches that open after you kill several Old Knights. Activating them will raise platforms that allows your fight with the Dragonrider to become much easier. However, if you leave them alone and fight the Dragonrider anyways, you can actually trick him into falling into the water in his area with careful timing. Cue minutes of non-stop laughter if you succeed.
  • Another funny Dragonrider fight: do the arrow trick (position yourself by the first switch and pour arrows into him until he turns towards you and raises his shield) and then go into the fight as normal. The Dragonrider charges you as the boss music swells up, then dies with a single hit, ending the boss battle music as soon as it starts.
• Jester Thomas seems a bit out of sorts with the area he's summoned, being a clown in the middle of a trap-ridden, poison-filled fortress. Then you find out he can solo the area boss.
• YouTube user YOGSCAST Strippin takes Rat King Covenant trolling to a whole new level with the White Ring.
• Refusing Targray's (fairly lengthy) offer for you to join the Blue Sentinels gives you this gem:
  Targray: (dumbfounded) Do my ears deceive me? Who would refuse such magnificence? Gods, have mercy on this halfwit. He knows not what he speaks.
  • Then, talking to him again and refusing again:
  Targray: (utterly exasperated) Ohh, Gods... have mercy...
• The sheer number of people who used the sex change coffin in Things Betwixt and somehow didn't realize it until much, much later. It got to the point that FROM patched in a message to appear when the character exits the coffin.
  • Just as often, people making a dead run for the coffin, not realizing what it does, and hopping back out gender-swapped, only to get killed by the two ogres nearby. As seen here.
  • Or those who do realize it, and are completely baffled anyway. As also seen here.
  • As a side note, kill the two ogres there and talk to Housekeeper Milibeth. She will give you a weapon: a '''ladle'''.
• This weird event from the Belfry Gargoyle fight.
• Dark Souls II, summed up in a single .gif◊.
• Pay Gilligan a Comically Small Bribe of 500 souls to lower a ladder into the pit, and he'll peevishly respond by lowering an equally small ladder into it. It's so small that you still need to drop down to even land on the first platform!
• When you rescue Ornifex, she tells you to meet her at her place "down the way." You'd assume she'd be somewhere in the area, but not only is she in a whole other location, her abode is surrounded by spiders and mages.
  • Well, it IS down the way... two maps away.
• All of the bipedal enemies get back up after getting crushed by a great hammer. If they are still alive, that is. All except for the Amana Shrine Priestesses. Once they are crushed, they don't get back up. Even if you wait for an eternity. It looks like they accepted their fate pretty well.
• Someone on Reddit wrote up the majority of the game's cast as mental patients in a psych ward.
• A certain fight in Crown of the Sunken King will either be this or Nightmare Fuel. It's Jester Thomas again, come to wreck your face. He even does the "This one's me" gesture before attacking! And then MOCKS YOU when you die!
• Elana the Squalid Queen will summon mud monsters to aid her every now and then. Sometimes she summons a few skeletons. Sometimes she summons Velstadt the Royal Aegis. Other times, she summons... three little pigs.
• It is now possible to summon Benhart of Jugo to help you with Elana the Squalid Queen, and this counts towards his sidequest. If you summoned him two times already, you'll complete his story before even meeting him in Forest of the Fallen Giants. So, upon talking to him there, he brags for quite a long while about his sword being his family heirloom and how you need to pry it from his cold dead hands if you want it, because he's never, never ever going to give it to anybody... and then he just abruptly gives it to you.
  • Even funnier yet, is how his precious magic sword isn't the authentic Moonlight Greatsword but a cheap knock-off the Bluemoon Greatsword, which actual lacks any magic powers.
• Sometimes, when summoning Steel-willed Lorrie and Drifter Swordsman Aidel for the boss fight against Sir Alonne, either NPC will approach the boss... only to taunt him with a "Welcome!" gesture and "Hello!" carvestones, respectively. If you're unlucky enough, they will do it repeatedly during the fight!
• One of the Smelter Hammer's special moves has you doing a savage whirlwind attack... which ends up with you falling headfirst into the ground due to the weapon's momentum.
• Likely due to people complaining about the scarcity of the Mad Warrior set (previously only dropped from a certain dark spirit who appeared in a covenant-specific area), and how popular it is with many players in spite of that (due to its similarity to the face mask used by the Predator), the developers have given players an opportunity to get multiple pieces of it in a single playthrough. All you have to do is defeat the dark spirit invader Prowlers. That's right, invaders, as in several of them, some of which will gang up on you with bows and katanas! Have fun!
• To access the latter half of the game, you need either a great amount of souls or the four Lord souls retrieved from the main bosses. This opens the Shrine of Winter, which lets you get to Drangleic Castle. Except, the reason you need to take the detour through the shrine is because the main road is blocked... by a pitifully small amount of rubble that you could've easily climbed over in real life. Yes, the reason you're battling an ancient swordmaster, a giant spider, a hideous amalgamation of bodies and literally Satan is because your character is too lazy to climb over some rocks.
• The Crown of the Ivory King DLC brings back the Symbol of Avarice, complete with the tongue hanging out of it in a dopey fashion. And the tongue now has jiggle physics!
• On the outer wall of Eleum Loyce there is a room with several initially frozen chests. One of them is a Mimic frozen mid-lunge!
• An NPC invader in Frozen Eleum Loyce will attempt to disguise himself as an object using a Silver Talisman. Thing is, he won't use the item until the player gets within a certain distance of him. It's entirely possible to catch him transforming, ruining his little ambush and giving you time to taunt him for his mistake.
  • Even funnier, he has 'Boo AI.' Once disguised, the phantom will only move towards you for a backstab when you aren't looking at him with your character. Many players have caught onto his tricks since the phantom doesn't even try to blend in once he is disguised. If you aren't looking, he just beelines straight for you, and freezes on the spot when you turn around.
• The fight against the Burnt Ivory King is generally considered among the most climatic ones, but he can unexpectedly get one-shotted if he gets stuck in the ice resulting from one of your Loyce Knights sacrificing themselves to seal the gates. Epic Fail, indeed.
• In the farthest corner of Eleum Loyce, there is a hill, and on the top, there's a snowball about the size of a human head, that practically is begging you to knock it downhill. Give it a push, and laugh in sadistic joy as the giant snow boulder of doom rolls onto a bridge and bowls over a bunch of hapless enemies that were waiting to ambush you, before finally filling the gap in the bridge.
  • And speaking of Maldron, this player dressed up as Maldron and fights alongside the real one. One may have to ask how many people didn't see through it.
• The description for Immolation, a pyromancy that lets you set yourself on fire to damage enemies close by you.
  If a person is truly desirous of something, perhaps being set on fire does not seem so bad.
• The Chameleon spell / Silver Talisman both let you blend in with the environment as a a prop that usually fits with the scenery. However, some areas give you hilariously conspicuous disguises. For example, in the Shrine of Amana, you will transform into a tall mushroom with eyes, not unlike Elizabeth from Artorias of the Abyss.
• Performing a backstab on a human-sized enemy with a spear involves shoving the spear through their back and lifting them into the air. Do it on an enemy bigger than a human, and it looks significantly more painful.
• Licia of Lindelt claims to be a devout cleric, but her dialogue makes it pretty clear that she's just a scammer. It can get rather amusing.
  Licia: What is the first flame? Well, it's... Hmm, you're not ready to comprehend it, I'm afraid!
• The way to the Throne of Want is just a straight road over an abyss with no enemies. Nonetheless, it is filled with bloodstains from people who either jumped off on purpose or possibly tripped by accident and messages complaining about the road's length.
• In Scholar of the First Sin, activating certain bonfires will make Aldia, the Scholar himself burst out of the ground in order to talk to you. In the Dragon Shrine, however, the area with the bonfire is too cramped for him, so instead he shrinks down to the size of a table. Also because of his small size instead of blowing you across the room, you fall backwards on your ass instead. Given the scares he's given you, it's really hysterical.
• While King Vendrick's last words are a textbook example of Tear Jerker and Moment of Awesome, his edict to "Seek Strength. The rest will follow" can be seen as a jab at new players who dump all their points into Strength rather than other stats.
• Due to a bug that was never patched, the Falconer enemies have an extremely goofy run cycle that makes it very hard to take them seriously.
• One of the Gaoler enemies in the Lost Bastille will throw an exploding barrel at you down some stairs. However, if you poke and annoy him with an arrow, you can trick him into rolling the barrel down early, and then get him to hit it — knocking him flat on his arse in the process. For bonus points, this is the easiest way to gain access to McDuff's workshop.
• The crows are apparently pretty buff, given that you can trade a Smooth and Silky Stone for a Demon's Great Hammer, a weapon that's larger than you are!
• Many people are aware of the Desert Sorceresses and their 'kiss of fire' attack. Not as many people, however, are aware of their unused grab attack. It really speaks for itself.
• Sir Alonne will flop to the ground if killed while airborne and the Old Iron King can suddenly pop out of the lava in his death throes if finished off by poison while submerged.
• In Majula, the player can knock a rock tied to a rope into a well, causing it to pull up a corpse with some loot on it. In the Lost Bastille, there's a similar setup, with a rock, a rope, and a corpse with loot... Only this time, there's a horde of rupturing hollows coming up as well.