Is there any details needed for critique? I could use some feedback for my many organizations as they are important to the story.
Author."Kuraikage" is way too literal. "Kokueidan" or "Kokueidou" would probably work better.
Why, again, does Division-6 exist when Viper does?
As with "Kuraikage", "Vincitori" is way too literal - "Vincenzi" is an actual name.
And 12 factions is a bit much.
(Isn't West London fairly well-to-do?)
Division-6 and Viper are separate entities because they fall under different principles. Division-6, for example, is looking to do morally gray things for the greater good. Viper are mercs who is their talents, gears, and abilities for profit. In fact, Viper has been known to impede on Division-6 operations because they share the same target.
I wouldn't say that. There are other stories with a large enough scale that have numerous organizations involved, it just depends on how they are utilized.
Crime exists everywhere, even in the more affluent places.
Any other feedback I could get?
Author.I'll try and put some opinions and thoughts on those organizations.
- Protectors: seem like a functional realistic-ish Justice League to me, though the question arises, if they're under UN control, are they allowed to operate in Kosovo, or Taiwan? Not that they have to, of course. I wondered, for a while, if they need permits to enter various countries, but the Mavericks answered that question for me. Also, are they only available for supervillain needs, or do they help with natural disasters and humanitarian aid as well?
- Mist: creepy bastards, and good villains. But the question of Where Does He Get All Those Wonderful Toys? remains, and it would be nice to have some answer, even if it's spoilerrific for the story.
- Division 6: I talked about this one already in the thread you made for it. Looks somewhat plausible, though I think the villains would need some more positive incentive to stay on the team instead of bolting.
- The Syndicate: From what I've been able to find online, an average gang has about 80 members. Granted, Syndicate's nature could make it much larger, but then they'd probably not be contained in a single district (and besides, if their region of operations is known, the Protectors would likely have a not-too-hard time taking them down after they went supervillain).
- Followers of the Dark Shadow: Nothing to say, really, they're alright. Ninja clans are a bit cliche, but adding regular soldiers shakes things up a little in a good way.
- League of Incarnates: What's their legal status? I understand Protectors have some sort of fixed position on the international scene, but does an Incarnate get an "International Agent" badge along with the magic sketchbook, or is there some deal between the League and various countries?
- Viper: They sound very interesting.
- Mavericks: They round up the Protectors pretty well, and are very plausible. The one question I have is how they get the money to support international heroics. Is there someone among the Protectors embezzling money for them, or do they have someone super rich in their ranks?
- Artemis Unit: This can't possibly be legal. That's some Cold War MK Ultra Bluebird stuff right there. And raising child soldiers is not very practical. I feel like US might've been better off recruiting already grown-up women to serve them if they really wanted an Amazon Brigade. It'd be cheaper, for one, and the effect would be much similar (raising tykebombs to be unbreakable will make them horrendous at fitting in with the society, and thus more breakable).
- Vincintori Family: Eh, they're okay, I guess. There's not much to them except "Italian mafia" and "Mist's lackeys".
- The Order: I'm very curious as to what their members' relationships with their governments are now that they went public. I suspect shakiness, and attempts to bring them under international (or national) control.
- The Forces: Very interesting. If they went public like the Order did, the same questions apply.
Thanks for the critique. I'll give some answers to what you asked:
- The Syndicate started in West London, but as you can imagine aren't limited to that area. The Protectors actually do have a task force dedicated to operations against them, led by The Catalyst / Joseph Ekua.
- The League of Incarnates is considered an ally of the Protectors, and as such enjoy full legal status.
- In regards to the Mavericks, they have secret backers that keep them afloat. As you can imagine though, they aren't on the same league as the Protectors in terms of what technology they have available.
- As for the Artemis Unit, as they say "desperate times call for desperate measures". The exact details behind their, ahem, "recruitment" is kept secret from the public, but the Artemis Unit was made because after the Alien Invasion they wanted warriors who could fight above that of the normal person.
Alright, Mavericks, the League and the Syndicate look good, then. I still have issues with the Artemis Unit. Raising a child to become a killer will not only stunt and do all sorts of mess with their emotional and social development, but will not guarantee that the child will be tougher or stronger - in fact, they're more likely to have a breakdown because of the aforementioned stunted emotional development. Moreover, it's expensive to raise a group of children, and you don't get to reap the profits until they're adult, which is why I think that recruiting gown-ups and then giving them solid training (and, perhaps, some sort of cybernetic enhancements or stuff like this, if it's available in this world), might be a better option.
This being said, this is a superhero story, so as a reader, I'd be willing to suspend my disbelief upon encountering the Artemis Unit.
edited 11th Feb '17 6:29:41 AM by Kakai
Rejoice!
I'm writing a story called Protectors which is set in the 2050s, and has a multitude of different organizations with different goals. It's my spin on the Superhero genre, and influences include the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Overwatch, among others.
This isn’t a full list and I’m sure there’s more to come, but for now, here you go.
Organizations
After the Splisen were defeated, the Protectors remained to keep the world safe. Members with exceptional abilities, talent, and resources were encouraged to join, and many of them did. They have since ushered in a new golden age known as "The Age of Heroes". They are called upon to keep the world safe from a variety of threats that conventional means won't handle.
However, there has been contention with some of the public. There are those who view the Protectors as having outlived their purpose, and are using their resources and power to intrude on affairs they should have nothing to do with. Moreover, a mysterious organization called Mist has since emerged with the goal to dismantle them permanently, and they intend to ensure they'll never see it coming.
Their goal from the beginning was to put an end to the Protectors, which would allow them to influence the world as they please. How they operate, and how they have grown to be so powerful, remains unknown to the public.
edited 8th Feb '17 7:36:08 PM by UltimateLazer
Author.