What is the best golf movie of all-time? Caddyshack. What is the worst golf movie of all-time? Caddyshack II.
— Old joke
Call me hard-hearted, call me cynical, but please don't call me if they ever make Home Alone 3.
"If it's based on a TV show, just don't go. After Roman numeral 2, give it a rest. If it's a remake of a classic, rent the classic!"
— Jay Sherman, The Critic
"Now, I want you to imagine something with me. Imagine a world where sequels are banned. Would this not be a beautiful place? Sure, we'd miss out on genuinely good sequels like Thief 2 or Half-Life 2, but I think that is a small price to pay. Every story would have to be fresh, and the writers would have to work extra hard to make the characters likable. With no sequels, there are no franchises, less fandom, so the nerds will go off and become doctors and scientists and rid the world of all known diseases. Best of all, endings would have to have some fucking closure."
— Ben Yahtzee Croshaw
"I, the Sequelizer, can make an infinite number of copies of myself — although each is only 50% as powerful as the one before..."
— Troy McClure as the Sequelizer, "The Final Collision!", Bartman #3
Analyze That picks up where its predecessor left off: at a logical endpoint requiring no sequel.
"The setting is the present and picks up with Wolverine wandering the earth, still traumatized by the events of X-Men 3. But then, aren't we all still traumatized by X-Men 3?"
Male announcer: "You'll love the original Grease!"
Female announcer: "Then watch the sequel."
Male announcer: "Then you'll really love the original Grease."
Ramada: "Oh, Topper. I tried to stay away. I thought I was never going to see you again... that you were out of my life. But it's a sequel. I had to come."
Topper: "Do you have any idea what the critics will say? 'Same warmed-over characters...'"
— Hot Shots!! Part Deux
"Why is the sequel never equal?"
—On A Clear Day You Can See Forever, "What Did I Have That I Don't Have?"
Mike: Before your favorite franchises were afflicted with "Godfather's Syndrome" and let you down with number three in the trilogy...
Bill: Pirates of the Caribbean!
Mike: ...The Matrix was there, boldly flaunting convention, and sucking in part two!
Bill the Lab Guy: Wait, you can't. Not just for me, but for the love of science, the love of knowledge, the love of...sequels.
Captain: Sequels? Cancel that order, Gunner. We've got a franchise to protect!
The Action League: YAY!!!!!!
Narrator: Not nearly the end!
"I know Disney Sequels are bad, they're bad by design! But that doesn't mean that they can't actually be good!"
Brian: You're banning straight-to-video Disney films?
Stewie: Absolutely! I mean, look at this: Aladdin IV: Jafar May Need Glasses.
— Family Guy, "Lois Kills Stewie"
"We now return to the Disney Channel's exclusive presentation of Aladdin V: Jafar Answers The Census.
— Family Guy, "Foreign Affairs"
Mickey: Come on Randy, with all due respect, the killer obviously patterned himself after two serial killers who have been immortalized on film.
Film Class Guy #1: Thank you!
Artsy Teacher: Are you suggesting that someone's trying to make a real life sequel?
Randy: "Stab 2"? Who'd want to do that? Sequels suck!
— Scream 2
"We watched Grease and it was pretty good, but then we watched Grease 2 and I fell asleep."
"Here we go again. Again."
—Tugg Speedman, in the trailer for Scorcher VI, Tropic Thunder
After six sequels, the Saw plot only makes sense if you assume everyone in the world is a psychotic invalid. And since a lot of them went to see Saw seven times, the assumption is pretty accurate.
—Luke McKinney, Cracked
"Didn't we say all we needed to say in the first Beetlejuice?"
—Kevin Smith, on the (thankfully scrapped) Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian
Bambi II is going into the Disney Vault. After just 70 days on sale, the glorious Bambi II goes into the Disney Vault for 10 years along with Cinderella II, Bambi 2002, Sleeping Beauty III: Lil' Sleepy Meets Aladdin, Hunchback VI: Air Dog Quasi, Mulan VIII: The Prozoids Strike Back, Jungle Book 3.0: Jungle Blog, and 101 Felations.
"The pain of getting shot nine times doesn't equal / The pain I felt from watchin' all them stupid-ass sequels... 2 Fast 2 Furious was a waste of ninety minutes / The only good thing was Vin Diesel wasn't in it."
—Mad TV - "50 Cent" - "C.R.A.P."
"So after six games of Megaman, with some slight changes here and there, people were just like "Ah, Fuckin' Megawhatever, Megaman 12? What is this, Land Before Time?"
—Egoraptor - "Sequelitis"