Quotes: Sequelitis

What is the best golf movie of all-time? Caddyshack. What is the worst golf movie of all-time? Caddyshack II.
— Old joke

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    Film - Live Action 

We're doing a sequel, that's what we do in Hollywood
And everybody knows that the sequel's never quite as good

Here we go again. ... again.
Tugg Speedman, in the trailer for Scorcher VI, Tropic Thunder

Ramada: Oh, Topper. I tried to stay away. I thought I was never going to see you again... that you were out of my life. But it's a sequel. I had to come.
Topper: Do you have any idea what the critics will say? 'Same warmed-over characters...'

Teacher: Are you suggesting that someone's trying to make a real life sequel?
Randy: Stab 2? Who'd want to do that? Sequels suck!

Oh, man, I can't fucking believe this. Another basement, another elevator. How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?
John McClane, Die Hard 2

    Live-Action TV 

The pain of getting shot nine times doesn't equal
The pain I felt from watchin' all them stupid-ass sequels
2 Fast 2 Furious was a waste of ninety minutes
The only good thing was Vin Diesel wasn't in it
Mad TV — "50 Cent", "C.R.A.P."

Dave: There was a Ghostbusters II, wasnít there?
Bill Murray: Technically, yes.
The Late Show With David Letterman

Male announcer: "You'll love the original Grease!"
Female announcer: "Then watch the sequel."
Male announcer: "Then you'll really love the original Grease."
— TVLand ad, doing a little redecorating

We watched Grease and it was pretty good, but then we watched Grease 2 and I fell asleep.
Finn, Glee


Call me hard-hearted, call me cynical, but please don't call me if they ever make Home Alone 3.


This is a film that trashes a work of art. It's like someone deciding to do a Mona Lisa 2, but with a moustache.


Why is the sequel never equal?
On A Clear Day You Can See Forever, "What Did I Have That I Don't Have?"

Mike: Before your favorite franchises were afflicted with "Godfather's Syndrome" and let you down with number three in the trilogy...
Bill: Terminator!
Kevin: X-Men!
Bill: Shrek!
Kevin: Spider Man!
Bill: Pirates of the Caribbean!
Mike: ... The Matrix was there, boldly flaunting convention, and sucking in part two!

Mike: So Janosz loves Sigourney Weaver just like Louis Tully did. And then comes to her apartment door, and... knocks on it, and she won't let him in, just like Louis Tully did... This movie SUCKS.
Jay: (laughs) The only movie I can think of that apes the first movie even more closely than this is, like, Teen Wolf 2. The only difference is that he's in college
Mike: He's a boxer.
Jay: He's boxing instead of basketball. But other than that, it is the exact same movie.
Mike: Well, there's been a proven, successful track record of repeating the first movie in a sequel. You're doomed for your third one...
Jay: Yeah, you can't repeat the same thing three times. You can trick people with one sequel.

    Web Animation 
So, after six games of Megaman, with some slight changes here and there, people were just like, 'Ah, fuckin' Megawhatever, Megaman 12? What is this, Land Before Time?'

Now, I want you to imagine something with me. Imagine a world where sequels are banned. Would this not be a beautiful place? Sure, we'd miss out on genuinely good sequels like Thief 2 or Half-Life 2, but I think that is a small price to pay. Every story would have to be fresh, and the writers would have to work extra hard to make the characters likable. With no sequels, there are no franchises, less fandom, so the nerds will go off and become doctors and scientists and rid the world of all known diseases. Best of all, endings would have to have some fucking closure.

    Web Original 

"With the other three more or less completely meritless Before Watchmen titles it is at least straightforward to understand all of the steps involved in creating awful comics. But Before Watchmen: Rorschach is bad in genuinely surprising and unexpected ways."
Phil Sandifer, The Last War in Albion

"So ultimately, it doesnít really matter. Keep Alien≥ and Alien: Resurrection in continuity, or ignore them completely. Whichever approach wins, we lose."
The Agony Booth on Alien 5

Up until then, I'd always been in with audiences that had a percentage of people who liked the movie...My Highlander II audience, though, was actively disliking the movie. During the love scene, people were groaning and shouting derisive remarks. And when the credits rolled, they didn't just boo, there was a collective growl. I could see the ushers quickly excusing themselves for an extended cigarette break, far, far away from here.

"If you want the experience of watching Annihilation, put the original film on, crank up some techno at full blast, and shake your head around really hard while you're watching. You might have more fun that way, too."

Toy Story 4. No. Okay? No. I have already had my guts ripped out by these fucking movies three times. I don't want another two hours of charmed toys desperately trying to stave off eternal loneliness and isolation. I can't take it. The end of Toy Story 3 was perfect and wonderful and I never ever ever want to watch it again because I don't like sopping up tears from my rug. Nothing can end in today's pop culture. If there's money to be had, both storylines and characters will be extended well past their logical endings and get fucking ruined in the process.
Drew Magary, Make It Stop

Once again, our anti-hero finds himself in a life-or-death situation with no memory of how he got there. 'When you got a condition, itís bad to forget your medicine,' Marv reflected in the original, sounding like a broken man. He repeats the sentiment here, sounding more like heís offering advice for dealing with a stomach ulcer.

Iíve taken to referring to it as X-Men 3: The Last Straw myself... Wolverine was the only one who came out of this thing with people still liking him.
Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on X-Men 3: The Last Stand

Please have Carrie move to a new address, preferably somewhere very far away so we donít have to suffer through any more SATC movies. Might I suggest SATC 3: Carrie and Big Move To Uranus? With Carrie lost in space, youíll have plenty of time to focus on the story that really matters....(and also Miranda I guess).
Michael K. on Sex and the City 3

That feels like an awful lot of words just to say ďÖbecause the sequel will suckď, doesnít it? That source could have just said ďJamie Dornan doesnít want to come back for the Fifty Shades sequel, because DUH, itís a sequel to Fifty Shades of GreyĒ and weíd all nod our heads in agreement, because that explanation makes perfect sense.
DListed, "'Hey, what are the chances that you could get me out of it too?' asked Dakota Johnson"

So the movie opens the same as the original Ė with a shot of the house. And it kinda looks like the same house. If that house was cut in half and built in 2009. So yeah, it looked kinda something like the original.

And thatís a theme throughout the movie — stuff is sorta the same.

Only now itís been stripped of all its humanity and character.

Probably a lot like the bloodsuckers who decided this movie needed to be made.

Honestly, how many movies about a giant retard killing annoying people at a summer camp can you make? The answer is twelve, but Paramount didn't know that at the time.

Of the times I had to stop and think about this movie, it got a tad depressing. You are seeing a group of people in their 30ís who cannot stop living their high school memories. Itís rather pathetic that these people havenít done anything in the past 13 years they think is so much better than their pie fucking days. Wow.

Between Highlander II and Highlander: The Source, this single franchise has not one, but two of the worst movies ever made. How is that even possible?

    Web Video 

Zach Galifianakis: It must kind of stink, though, that you can't run, y'know, three times.
President Obama: Actually, I think it's a good idea. You know, if I ran a third time, it'd be sort of like doing a third Hangover movie. Didn't really work out very well, did it?

Yahtzee: What are your feelings on Ghostbusters II: The Film?
Gabriel: It's the Hangover II of the eighties.

Analyze That picks up where its predecessor left off: at a logical endpoint requiring no sequel.
— Keith Phipps's review of Analyze That, The AV Club

"Essentially, by having those markings appear on his face as the result of the execution, it's like those markings are meant to be there — put there by some greater power, and The Crow will always have them. Whether it be makeup and paint, or scarred, or even... [groans loudly] ....a sharpie."
Deusdaecon on The Crow

The setting is the present and picks up with Wolverine wandering the earth, still traumatized by the events of X-Men 3. But then, aren't we all still traumatized by X-Men 3?

Why was there no subtitle in the movie? They subtitled the last movie. Well, I have an answer: Look under that title. You see that blank, empty space? Let that be an indication of the blank, empty imagination employed within, and the void it left in our hearts.

Hello, I'm a British person, and I love the National Lampoon's Vacation movies! (cue slide of Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure) Okay, except that one. (cue European Vacation) And... yeah, maybe that one. (cue Vegas Vacation) Okay, fine: I like less than half of the National Lampoon's Vacation movies, okay?

I myself am guilty of this, though, I confess. I see a good game, I think about the follow-up. We the gamers look at a game like The Last of Us, which told a great story and ended perfectly and look at what we ask. [simpering voice] "SEQUEL? SEQUEL? CANWEAVEASEQUEL?" Because none of us know when to say stop! We're never satisfied! Avarice rules our very consumption! And it's tough for us to even blame publishers sometimes for mining their properties to death while we're lapping it all up!

There's one called Pokťmon 2000 - is that the year it was made, or is it the two thousandth film?
The Nostalgia Critic on his difficulty tracking down which one was the first. note 

    western animation 

Mr. O'Neill: Now, why do you think it is that Tolstoy felt he had to make War and Peace so darned unpleasant? Daria?
Daria: So no one would pester him to do a sequel?
Daria, "Fair Enough"

I, the Sequelizer, can make an infinite number of copies of myself — although each is only 50% as powerful as the one before...
Troy McClure as the Sequelizer, "The Final Collision!", Bartman #3

Bambi II is going into the Disney Vault. After just 70 days on sale, the glorious Bambi II goes into the Disney Vault for 10 years along with Cinderella II, Bambi 2002, Sleeping Beauty III: Lil' Sleepy Meets Aladdin, Hunchback VI: Air Dog Quasi, Mulan VIII: The Prozoids Strike Back, Jungle Book 3.0: Jungle Blog, and 101 Felations.

Bill the Lab Guy: Wait, you can't. Not just for me, but for the love of science, the love of knowledge, the love of... sequels.
Captain: Sequels? Cancel that order, Gunner. We've got a franchise to protect!
The Action League: YAY!!!!!!
Narrator: Not nearly the end!

Brian: You're banning straight-to-video Disney films?
Stewie: Absolutely! I mean, look at this: Aladdin IV: Jafar May Need Glasses.
Family Guy, "Lois Kills Stewie"

We now return to the Disney Channel's exclusive presentation of Aladdin V: Jafar Answers The Census.
Family Guy, "Foreign Affairs"

    Real Life 

The Trekkies, they did get a little freaked out. I think they've come to realize that I did them a favor... My god, how many more of these things? Patrick Stewart spouting off for another forty minutes? Jesus, I mean, if you find that exciting, go watch paint dry. (beat) Oh god, is somebody photographing...? This is going to be on the bloody Internet isnít it?

Didn't we say all we needed to say in the first Beetlejuice?
Kevin Smith, on the (thankfully) aborted Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian

When The Final Chapter was offered to me, I was like, 'I don't really want to do Friday the 13th.' Eventually, I only did it because of Amy Steel — she talked me into it. And I thought it was really cool because it was The Final Chapter. In my mind, I thought, 'Oh, I'll be in the last one. That's kind of cool. These things are famous.' Little did I know.
Peter Barton

The deals that they make you do are so draconian. And, of course, you are signed on for not only the movie that you are signed on for Ö but at least two more that you havenít read and you have no idea what they are going to be, and all the crossover ones you are going to have to do. For me to sign on now to do a superhero movie would mean I would be working until I am 50 as that particular superhero.
Jon Hamm on turning down a superhero film role