"Why is the sequel never equal?"
—On A Clear Day You Can See Forever, "What Did I Have That I Don't Have?"
We're doing a sequel. That's what we do in Hollywood.
And everybody knows that the sequel's never quite as good.
The pain of getting shot nine times doesn't equal
The pain I felt from watchin' all them stupid-ass sequels...
2 Fast 2 Furious was a waste of ninety minutes
The only good thing was Vin Diesel wasn't in it
—Mad TV - "50 Cent" - "C.R.A.P."
What is the best golf movie of all-time? Caddyshack. What is the worst golf movie of all-time? Caddyshack II.
— Old joke
"If it's based on a TV show, just don't go. After Roman numeral 2, give it a rest. If it's a remake of a classic, rent the classic!"
— Jay Sherman, The Critic
Kirk: Captain's Log, Stardate 6051. Had trouble sleeping last night, my hiatal hernia is acting up. The ship is drafty and damp. I complain, but nobody listens.
Announcer: Star Trek XII: So Very, Very Tired.
—The Simpsons, "Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie"
Male announcer: "You'll love the original Grease!"
Female announcer: "Then watch the sequel."
Male announcer: "Then you'll really love the original Grease."
"We watched Grease and it was pretty good, but then we watched Grease 2 and I fell asleep."
Ramada: "Oh, Topper. I tried to stay away. I thought I was never going to see you again... that you were out of my life. But it's a sequel. I had to come."
Topper: "Do you have any idea what the critics will say? 'Same warmed-over characters...'"
— Hot Shots!! Part Deux
"I, the Sequelizer, can make an infinite number of copies of myself — although each is only 50% as powerful as the one before..."
— Troy McClure as the Sequelizer, "The Final Collision!", Bartman #3
Bambi II is going into the Disney Vault. After just 70 days on sale, the glorious Bambi II goes into the Disney Vault for 10 years along with Cinderella II, Bambi 2002, Sleeping Beauty III: Lil' Sleepy Meets Aladdin, Hunchback VI: Air Dog Quasi, Mulan VIII: The Prozoids Strike Back, Jungle Book 3.0: Jungle Blog, and 101 Felations.
Bill the Lab Guy: Wait, you can't. Not just for me, but for the love of science, the love of knowledge, the love of...sequels.
Captain: Sequels? Cancel that order, Gunner. We've got a franchise to protect!
The Action League: YAY!!!!!!
Narrator: Not nearly the end!
Brian: You're banning straight-to-video Disney films?
Stewie: Absolutely! I mean, look at this: Aladdin IV: Jafar May Need Glasses.
— Family Guy, "Lois Kills Stewie"
"We now return to the Disney Channel's exclusive presentation of Aladdin V: Jafar Answers The Census.
— Family Guy, "Foreign Affairs"
Teacher: Are you suggesting that someone's trying to make a real life sequel?
Randy: Stab 2? Who'd want to do that? Sequels suck!
— Scream 2
Zach Galifianakis: It must kind of stink, though, that you can't run, y'know, three times.
President Obama: Actually, I think it's a good idea. You know, if I ran a third time, it'd be sort of like doing a third Hangover movie. Didn't really work out very well, did it?
"Call me hard-hearted, call me cynical, but please don't call me if they ever make Home Alone 3."
"Didn't we say all we needed to say in the first Beetlejuice?"
— Kevin Smith, on the (thankfully) aborted Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian
Dave: There was a Ghostbusters II, wasnít there?
Bill Murray: Technically, yes.
—The Late Show With David Letterman
Mike: Before your favorite franchises were afflicted with "Godfather's Syndrome" and let you down with number three in the trilogy...
Bill: Pirates of the Caribbean!
Mike: ...The Matrix was there, boldly flaunting convention, and sucking in part two!
Mike: So Janosz loves Sigourney Weaver just like Louis Tully did. And then comes to her apartment door, and... knocks on it, and she won't let him in, just like Louis Tully did... This movie SUCKS.
Jay: (laughs) The only movie I can think of that apes the first movie even more closely than this is, like, Teen Wolf 2. The only difference is that he's in college—
Mike: He's a boxer.
Jay: He's boxing instead of basketball. But other than that, it is the exact same movie.
Mike: Well, there's been a proven, successful track record of repeating the first movie in a sequel. You're doomed for your third one...
Jay: Yeah, you can't repeat the same thing three times. You can trick people with one sequel.
"Why was there no subtitle in the movie? They subtitled the last movie. Well, I have an answer: Look under that title. You see that blank, empty space? Let that be an indication of the blank, empty imagination employed within, and the void it left in our hearts."
"Hello, I'm a British person, and I love the National Lampoon's Vacation movies! (cue slide of Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure) Okay, except that one. (cue European Vacation) And...yeah, maybe that one. (cue Vegas Vacation) Okay, fine: I like less than half of the National Lampoon's Vacation movies, okay?"
"After six sequels, the Saw plot only makes sense if you assume everyone in the world is a psychotic invalid. And since a lot of them went to see Saw seven times, the assumption is pretty accurate."
— Luke McKinney, Cracked
"Now, I want you to imagine something with me. Imagine a world where sequels are banned. Would this not be a beautiful place? Sure, we'd miss out on genuinely good sequels like Thief 2 or Half-Life 2, but I think that is a small price to pay. Every story would have to be fresh, and the writers would have to work extra hard to make the characters likable. With no sequels, there are no franchises, less fandom, so the nerds will go off and become doctors and scientists and rid the world of all known diseases. Best of all, endings would have to have some fucking closure."
— Ben Yahtzee Croshaw
"1998. One year ago, Final Fantasy VII singlehandedly transformed video games forever and ushered in the Golden Age of Square. SquareSoft was now officially a Big Deal. A very Big Deal. Super Mario RPG, Chrono Trigger, and Final Fantasy VI had all been hits, but Final Fantasy VII was a phenomenon. Quite Possibly the Greatest Game Ever Made.
But there was one small issue.
Final Fantasy VIII. There was no avoiding it. It had to happen. Square was now faced with the unenviable task of producing a sequel that could live up to and surpass Quite Possibly the Greatest Game Ever Made."
—Pat R., "A Series Discovers Its Crack Pipe"
"So the movie opens the same as the original Ė with a shot of the house. And it kinda looks like the same house. If that house was cut in half and built in 2009. So yeah, it looked kinda something like the original.
And thatís a theme throughout the movie — stuff is sorta the same.
Only now itís been stripped of all its humanity and character.
Probably a lot like the bloodsuckers who decided this movie needed to be made."
"Analyze That picks up where its predecessor left off: at a logical endpoint requiring no sequel."
"The setting is the present and picks up with Wolverine wandering the earth, still traumatized by the events of X-Men 3. But then, aren't we all still traumatized by X-Men 3?"
"I know Disney Sequels are bad; they're bad by design! But that doesn't mean that they can't actually be good!"
"So, after six games of Megaman, with some slight changes here and there, people were just like, 'Ah, fuckin' Megawhatever, Megaman 12? What is this, Land Before Time?'"
— Egoraptor, Sequelitis
"Survival of the Dead scared me, and not in the good way. Every time I would pass it in my Blockbuster (and yes, I still go to an actual Blockbuster store) I almost flinch as if the box will give me some electroshock if I picked it up. Diary of the Dead was so atrocious and showed how far [George] Romero had fallen that I honestly did not want to see him fall any lower. It is not about seeing Survival and being pissed off, I didnít want to watch it and be depressed."
"Between Highlander II and Highlander: The Source, this single franchise has not one, but two of the worst movies ever made. How is that even possible?."
— The Screamsheet"''
"There's one called Pokťmon 2000 - is that the year it was made, or is it the two thousandth film?!"