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Quotes: Sequelitis
"What is the best golf movie of all-time? Caddyshack. What is the worst golf movie of all-time? Caddyshack II."''
— Old joke

Quotes from works

"Why is the sequel never equal?"
On A Clear Day You Can See Forever, "What Did I Have That I Don't Have?"

"We're doing a sequel, that's what we do in Hollywood
And everybody knows that the sequel's never quite as good"

"The pain of getting shot nine times doesn't equal
The pain I felt from watchin' all them stupid-ass sequels
2 Fast 2 Furious was a waste of ninety minutes
The only good thing was Vin Diesel wasn't in it"
Mad TV - "50 Cent" - "C.R.A.P."

"After Roman numeral 2, give it a rest. If it's a remake of a classic, rent the classic!"
— Jay Sherman, The Critic

Mr. O'Neill: Now, why do you think it is that Tolstoy felt he had to make War and Peace so darned unpleasant? Daria?
Daria: So no one would pester him to do a sequel?
Daria, "Fair Enough"

"Here we go again. ....again."
Tugg Speedman, in the trailer for Scorcher VI, Tropic Thunder

Male announcer: "You'll love the original Grease!"
Female announcer: "Then watch the sequel."
Male announcer: "Then you'll really love the original Grease."
TV Land ad, doing a little redecorating

"We watched Grease and it was pretty good, but then we watched Grease 2 and I fell asleep."
Finn, Glee

Ramada: "Oh, Topper. I tried to stay away. I thought I was never going to see you again... that you were out of my life. But it's a sequel. I had to come."
Topper: "Do you have any idea what the critics will say? 'Same warmed-over characters...'"
Hot Shots!! Part Deux

"I, the Sequelizer, can make an infinite number of copies of myself — although each is only 50% as powerful as the one before..."
Troy McClure as the Sequelizer, "The Final Collision!", Bartman #3

Bambi II is going into the Disney Vault. After just 70 days on sale, the glorious Bambi II goes into the Disney Vault for 10 years along with Cinderella II, Bambi 2002, Sleeping Beauty III: Lil' Sleepy Meets Aladdin, Hunchback VI: Air Dog Quasi, Mulan VIII: The Prozoids Strike Back, Jungle Book 3.0: Jungle Blog, and 101 Felations.

Bill the Lab Guy: Wait, you can't. Not just for me, but for the love of science, the love of knowledge, the love of...sequels.
Captain: Sequels? Cancel that order, Gunner. We've got a franchise to protect!
The Action League: YAY!!!!!!
Narrator: Not nearly the end!

Brian: You're banning straight-to-video Disney films?
Stewie: Absolutely! I mean, look at this: Aladdin IV: Jafar May Need Glasses.
Family Guy, "Lois Kills Stewie"

"We now return to the Disney Channel's exclusive presentation of Aladdin V: Jafar Answers The Census.
Family Guy, "Foreign Affairs"

Teacher: Are you suggesting that someone's trying to make a real life sequel?
Randy: Stab 2? Who'd want to do that? Sequels suck!

Kirk: Captain's Log, Stardate 6051. Had trouble sleeping last night, my hiatal hernia is acting up. The ship is drafty and damp. I complain, but nobody listens.
Announcer: Star Trek XII: So Very, Very Tired.
The Simpsons, "Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie"

Zach Galifianakis: It must kind of stink, though, that you can't run, y'know, three times.
President Obama: Actually, I think it's a good idea. You know, if I ran a third time, it'd be sort of like doing a third Hangover movie. Didn't really work out very well, did it?

Quotes from creators:

"So, after six games of Megaman, with some slight changes here and there, people were just like, 'Ah, fuckin' Megawhatever, Megaman 12? What is this, Land Before Time?'"
Egoraptor, Sequelitis

"Now, I want you to imagine something with me. Imagine a world where sequels are banned. Would this not be a beautiful place? Sure, we'd miss out on genuinely good sequels like Thief 2 or Half-Life 2, but I think that is a small price to pay. Every story would have to be fresh, and the writers would have to work extra hard to make the characters likable. With no sequels, there are no franchises, less fandom, so the nerds will go off and become doctors and scientists and rid the world of all known diseases. Best of all, endings would have to have some fucking closure."

"The Trekkies, they did get a little freaked out. I think they've come to realize that I did them a favor... My god, how many more of these things? Patrick Stewart spouting off for another forty minutes? Jesus, I mean, if you find that exciting, go watch paint dry. (beat) Oh god, is somebody photographing...? This is going to be on the bloody Internet isnít it?"

"Didn't we say all we needed to say in the first Beetlejuice?"
Kevin Smith, on the (thankfully) aborted Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian

Dave: There was a Ghostbusters II, wasnít there?
Bill Murray: Technically, yes.
The Late Show With David Letterman

Quotes on works

Yahtzee: What are your feelings on Ghostbusters II: The Film?
Gabriel: It's the Hangover II of the eighties.
Let's Drown Out Ghostbusters (Megadrive)

Mike: So Janosz loves Sigourney Weaver just like Louis Tully did. And then comes to her apartment door, and... knocks on it, and she won't let him in, just like Louis Tully did... This movie SUCKS.
Jay: (laughs) The only movie I can think of that apes the first movie even more closely than this is, like, Teen Wolf 2. The only difference is that he's in college
Mike: He's a boxer.
Jay: He's boxing instead of basketball. But other than that, it is the exact same movie.
Mike: Well, there's been a proven, successful track record of repeating the first movie in a sequel. You're doomed for your third one...
Jay: Yeah, you can't repeat the same thing three times. You can trick people with one sequel.

"Once again, our anti-hero finds himself in a life-or-death situation with no memory of how he got there. 'When you got a condition, itís bad to forget your medicine,' Marv reflected in the original, sounding like a broken man. He repeats the sentiment here, sounding more like heís offering advice for dealing with a stomach ulcer."

"The setting is the present and picks up with Wolverine wandering the earth, still traumatized by the events of X-Men 3. But then, aren't we all still traumatized by X-Men 3?"

"Iíve taken to referring to it as X-Men 3: The Last Straw myself...Wolverine was the only one who came out of this thing with people still liking him."
Chris Sims and Matt Wilson on X-Men 3: The Last Stand

"Call me hard-hearted, call me cynical, but please don't call me if they ever make Home Alone 3."

"Please have Carrie move to a new address, preferably somewhere very far away so we donít have to suffer through any more SATC movies. Might I suggest SATC 3: Carrie and Big Move To Uranus? With Carrie lost in space, youíll have plenty of time to focus on the story that really matters: SATC 4: ROJO! (and also Miranda I guess)."

"So haven't we seen all of this before? only slightly different? ...So, we have two homosexual villains who both spent a long time in an undesirable place. Eventually they both get their own ship, a loyal crew, and the ability to escape and continue on with their lives. However, they both give into their own crazy revenge, mess around with the Captains of the Enterprise, and fuck themselves over in the most horrible way... Then the second-most important character in Star Trek sacrifices themselves so that a doomsday device doesn't kill the crew of the Enterprise."

Mike: Before your favorite franchises were afflicted with "Godfather's Syndrome" and let you down with number three in the trilogy...
Bill: Terminator!
Kevin: X-Men!
Bill: Shrek!
Kevin: Spider-Man!
Bill: Pirates of the Caribbean!
Mike: ...The Matrix was there, boldly flaunting convention, and sucking in part two!

"Why was there no subtitle in the movie? They subtitled the last movie. Well, I have an answer: Look under that title. You see that blank, empty space? Let that be an indication of the blank, empty imagination employed within, and the void it left in our hearts."

"Hello, I'm a British person, and I love the National Lampoon's Vacation movies! (cue slide of Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure) Okay, except that one. (cue European Vacation) And...yeah, maybe that one. (cue Vegas Vacation) Okay, fine: I like less than half of the National Lampoon's Vacation movies, okay?"

"So the movie opens the same as the original Ė with a shot of the house. And it kinda looks like the same house. If that house was cut in half and built in 2009. So yeah, it looked kinda something like the original.

And thatís a theme throughout the movie — stuff is sorta the same.

Only now itís been stripped of all its humanity and character.

Probably a lot like the bloodsuckers who decided this movie needed to be made."

"Analyze That picks up where its predecessor left off: at a logical endpoint requiring no sequel."
— Keith Phipps's review of Analyze That, The AV Club

"I know Disney Sequels are bad; they're bad by design! But that doesn't mean that they can't actually be good!"

"Honestly, how many movies about a giant retard killing annoying people at a summer camp can you make? The answer is twelve, but Paramount didn't know that at the time... A couple of the kills in Part VIII certainly are iconic of the series, but by and large this one was uninspired and boring, with many kills being blah, ho-hum, and off-camera. Couple that with crippling budgetary limitations, a script that was considered insipid even by Friday the 13th standards, and worst of all, a story that betrays the limited mythos of the Jason character completely, and you've got one of the most hated Jason movies ever. And that's even taking into consideration Friday the 13th Part V, which didn't even have Jason in it, and Jason X, a self-parodying ass-blockage of a movie whose only selling point was Jason...IN SPACE! That's not Friday the 13th Part 10, or even Jason 10, it's Jason Ex. That's "X" as in "Excrement." Because kids are too stupid to comprehend Roman numerals."

"Speaking of age being the enemy of this movie, I have a problem with the characters of this movie now. You would figure in a movie like this it would be about the characters learning to let go of the past and becoming responsible adults... In the case of this movie, all these characters peaked in high school and cannot get out of thinking about the ďglory daysď. Of the times I had to stop and think about this movie, it got a tad depressing. You are seeing a group of people in their 30ís who cannot stop living their high school memories. Itís rather pathetic that these people havenít done anything in the past 13 years they think is so much better than their pie fucking days. Wow."

"As the morons crawl up the slope of the dune on their hands and knees [?], we get close-ups of Uhuraís beefy legs from the front and from behind and, as near as I can tell, thatís actually Nichelle Nichols dancing. And this is another one of the big problems with the movie as a whole: Everyoneís old enough to qualify for Medicare, and yet theyíre still running around and getting naked and rolling around in the dirt like theyíre the same age as when they made the original series. Nichelle Nichols certainly looks good for her age here, but I think most Trek fans would prefer these characters presented in a slightly more dignified way."

"Between Highlander II and Highlander: The Source, this single franchise has not one, but two of the worst movies ever made. How is that even possible?"

"There's one called Pokťmon 2000 - is that the year it was made, or is it the two thousandth film?!"
The Nostalgia Critic on his difficulty tracking down which one was the first. note 

"As for Cars 2, there's a whole bunch of stuff in here that doesn't feel like Pixar. The plot isn't as knit tightly as it should be. The moral doesn't really hold up to scrutiny. The writing is weak, weak WEAK. This was a film that John Lasseter wanted to make because he loves spies, and he loves cars. The dude's got some serious credibility in modern animation. He's practically Walt Disney's spiritual successor. He not only put Pixar on the map, he's leading Disney back to form. The guy can afford to make a dud, but man, oh man, when he makes a dud, he really makes a dud. And the thing is, I couldn't even qualify it as a "bad" movie, at least by the typical qualifications for a bad animated feature. No, Cars 2 is not just one of those sequels that you think shouldn't exist because it has no reason to exist. It's one of those films you think should never have existed because the opportunity was completely wasted. Cars 2 isn't bad. It's just a waste."

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