Funny / Wynonna Earp

    Season 1 

1x01 Purgatory
  • When Waverly and Wynonna are lying on the ground trying to get Peacemaker to work while a Revenant advances on them, a bullet hits him.
    Waverly: What? You brought backup?
  • The sisters agreeing that Dolls has a "great butt".
  • Wynonna is interrogating Champ while pinning him down to a bed. Waverly, not aware that it's her sister and assuming Champ's cheating on her, bursts into the room and fires at her with a shotgun.
    Wynonna: (weakly) Worst. Birthday. Ever.

1x02 Keep The Home Fires Burning
  • "Crazy chick with a gun!"
  • The entirety of Officer Nicole Haught's introductory scene, from Waverly's convenient loss of her shirt, to how flustered she is compared to her normal composure, to Nicole's gentle mockery of Waverly describing Champ as a "boy-man". Concluded with Waverly reading Haught's surname off of her business card and just saying "Of course."
  • This:
    Wynonna: [Revenants] will always come back for more, until they meet Peacemaker, which only I can handle- (drops the gun)
  • Dolls threatens Haught with a charge for treason if she enters the Black Badge office without knocking again. Wynonna points out that Haught did knock, and sarcastically asks if he's sure he doesn't want to threaten her with death. Dolls' response? That the penalty for treason is death.
  • Waverly named her hamster "Pikachu". And she blesses herself before digging next to its grave.
  • Both Earp sisters think of the possibility of getting a flamethrower.

1x03 Leavin' On Your Mind
  • Wynonna wants all Revenants to tremble in fear before her.
    Dolls: You've got powdered sugar on your nose.
  • Dolls, who "doesn't do romance", is the only one around to notice the growing UST between Waverly and Haught.
    Haught: [Waverly] said she was glad I called.
    Dolls: I bet.
  • Champ through the entire hostage situation. At one point he tries to have Wynonna cause a distraction by flashing the Revenants.

1x04 The Blade
  • The increasingly ludicrous ways Doc shoots when proving his identity to Wynonna, including shooting behind his back and with his gun upside-down.
  • Gus refusing service to Doc.
    Gus: Management reserves the right to refuse service to jackasses. I'm management. And you're the jackass.
  • During Doc's interrogation, Dolls starts laughing.
    Waverly: Is Deputy Marshal Dolls... laughing?
    Wynonna: I've never been so scared in my life.
  • When Wynonna becomes the latest target of the serial killer, she has to earn the forgiveness of everybody she has ever wronged, or get her throat slashed. After her first attempt ends with two guys just fighting each other, she finally lets Waverly in on the situation, before taking off to try again at getting people's forgiveness, giving us these two lines:
    Wynonna: (coming back into Shorty's) I'm aware!

1x05 Diggin' Up Bones
  • Wynonna loses the ability to speak properly when she sees Dolls in his Walking Shirtless Scene.
    "I brought you a shirt, put on your coffee. (beat) You know what I mean."

1x06 Constant Cravings
  • Wynonna attempts to use The Force to get Peacemaker.
  • The over-the-top reaction Wynonna has to the motorcycle her uncle left her.
    • Or her shoving Waverly to the ground for absolutely no reason when she first sees the bike.
  • After the ritual that makes her the Keeper of the Bones, Waverly's first concern is that she may have just married a skull.

1x07 Waking After Midnight
  • Haught and Wynonna share several scenes, and Wynonna ends up sharing her whisky with the younger officer and getting her just a bit tipsy. Tipsy enough for this priceless exchange:
    Wynonna: One time, Stephanie told me that I should think about getting a butt lift.
    Haught: What?! Your ass is like... It's top shelf, man. It's top shelf.
    Wynonna: Thanks.
  • Doc thinks Waverly's phone is angry at him.
  • When they go to the morgue, Wynonna casually puts her bottle of whiskey on the table where a victim's body is. Haught shoots her a hilarious 'what the hell, dude' look before pulling the bottle out of her hand and setting it somewhere offscreen.
  • When one of Waverly's party guests is freaking out over the attack on the homestead, Waverly starts out her angry counter speech with this:
    Waverly: Okay, yes, it's all true! Wynonna's a freak, I'm a freak, Doc's a freak-
    Doc: Hey, now.
  • Haught gets another one at the very end of the episode by wording a fact from an interrogation in the weirdest way possible:
    Haught: (about Waverly) Chrissy says she scissored a stripper.

1x08 Two-Faced Jack
  • Neadley gives Dolls and Doc access to the injured Haught on two conditions: they give her a break if the doctors say so, and they make sure whoever did it doesn't come back. And Doc has to move his horse.
  • The scene itself is a rough one, but Haught's interview tosses in a quick funny moment early on. She's almost definitely high on morphine, and it makes her slip enough that Waverly smiling at her is, at first, the last thing she remembers seeing before being knocked out. She quickly and awkwardly remembers more about what happened.
    • Dolls, who has witnessed about half of the Ship Tease between Haught and Waverly so far, gives her a very quick, subtle, 'now's not the time' look.
  • Doc is told about Prohibition, and states that he's almost happy he was trapped in a well for a century and missed that period.
    • Later, his attempts to start Dolls' car, only succeeding in turning on the window wipers. Afterwards, Dolls gets in and just stares at the wipers for a moment before telling him never touch his stuff.

1x09 Bury Me With My Guns On
  • The One Dialogue, Two Conversations between Waverly and Nicole, where Nicole's trying to get Waverly to admit that there's something wrong with Purgatory and Waverly thinks she's talking about their Ship Tease.
  • Wynonna's fight with the Stone Witch. Instead of using rock salt, she throws ordinary table salt at her. Even Clootie can't help but roll her eyes.
  • Nicole's complete bafflement when Waverly grabs her and promptly starts making out with her.
    Haught: What happened to friends?
    Waverly: You know what I've always wanted?
    Haught: (weakly) ...What...?

1x10 She Wouldn't Be Gone
  • Waverly and Nicole almost get caught making out in the doorway of the sheriff's office by Wynonna.
    • When Wynonna asks what they were doing in Nedley's office, they just babble incoherently for a moment. And Wynonna buys it.
  • Wynonna's relationship with Doc gets outed by Bobo, so she goes ahead and admits it to both Waverly and Haught:
    (Waverly is staring at Wynonna, stunned.)
    Haught: (turns to Waverly) To you... to you- okay. (flees)
  • "I hope that was clean," said after Wynonna smacks a woman in the head with a bedpan.
  • "I thought you were just happy to see me," also said by Wynonna, after Dolls hands her Peacemaker.
  • Doc tries driving Constance's car, and ends up getting pulled over by Haught (who had been with Waverly when the call about him came in). He initially tries to talk himself out of trouble by pointing out that she knows who he is, and when he realizes that Waverly's walking over to yell at him, he begs Haught to arrest him. Haught just heaves a tired sigh, hands him a ticket, and abandons him to whatever Waverly has in store for him.

1x11 Landslide
  • After Willa runs out of their house, Wynonna and Waverly decide to look for her at the bar, because as an Earp her most likely response will be to get completely drunk.
    Wynonna: I hate it when I'm right.
    Waverley: You love it when you're right.
    Wynonna (stealing a glass of beer off a tray): I mean sober. I hate it when I'm sober.
  • Doc's reaction to Juan Carlo pulling a Stealth Hi/Bye on him:
    "I need to start drinking less... or much more."

1x12 House of Memories
  • When Wynonna and Dolls find out that the whole town was invited to Bobo's party, it takes a while for her to process:
    Wynonna: The whole town.
    Dolls: Yeah, everybody.
    Wynonna: All of the town.
    Dolls: Even you, yeah.
  • Waverly apologizes to Willa for calling her a bitch. In her head.
  • When Nicole decks Champ, she glances up at Waverly as if checking to make sure she hadn't done something wrong. Waverly just looks turned on.
    • Then later, when Nicole tells Waverly to leave since it's her job as a police officer to protect and serve when the town residents start going crazy, Waverly looks even more turned on.

1x13 I Walk The Line
  • The way Nicole is finally brought into the loop:
    Dolls: Hey... this is classified.
    Doc: (rolls his eyes) Purgatory's overrun by demon Revenants aka Wyatt Earp's resurrected outlaws, Bobo del Rey's their leader, I am Doc Holliday —yes, that Doc Holliday and Dolls here is just a dick.
    Nicole: Finally! Thank you! It actually makes perfect sense.
    Nicole Except for the... last... part.
  • Wynonna's response after finding out about Waverly and Nicole in a scene where Nicole gets shot, but she was wearing a bulletproof vest:
    "Finally picked the smart one."

    Season 2 

2x1 Steel Bars and Stone Walls
  • Doc getting his hat eaten. He continues to mourn its loss all episode, even involuntarily trying to tip it in greeting.
    Doc: I feel naked without it.
  • The cover story Neadly came up with to explain the mass poisoning from the previous episode, which almost seems designed to cause Wynonna maximum embarrassment.
    Pam: You're saying Wynonna Earp was Robert 'Bobo' Swain's jilted lover - and he poisoned the entire town?
    Neadly: To get her attention. See, Wynonna's not a flowers and chocolate kind of a girl.
    Pam: D'you anticipate charging Earp as an accessory after the fact?
    Neadly: We're weighing the evidence, considering our options. Thanks, Pam.
  • Wynonna calling Neadly a monster for the implication that he liked Batman & Robin.
  • Wynonna and Eliza have a knock-down drag out fight, the latter in just bra and panties. They end up falling on a bed, Wynonna on top with guns pulled on each other. When Eliza reveals she is friends with Dolls, all Wynonna can say is...
    Wynonna: You have amazing taste in underwear.
  • Eliza is less than impressed when Wynonna tells her she is the Earp heir and the best choice for taking out Purgatory's demon problem:
    Eliza: I took you out with a lamp, so....
    Wynonna: Yes, and the lamp was awesome. *Sarcastic Clapping*
  • Waverly's plan for sneaking into Black Badge? Cut the head off a demon and show up with it, posing as a Scotland Yard inspector in glasses, blouse, mini-skirt and a posh British accent
    • Even funnier is Nicole saying "that's the worst British accent I've ever heard" when it's actually Dominique Provost-Chalkley's real voice.
  • Waverly's utter failure at Tap on the Head.

2X2 Shed Your Skin
  • Wynonna and Doc sharing a shower...which turns out to be in a Black Badge lab cleaning off the goop from a demon.
  • Lucado reads Wynonna's report of the incident.
    Lucado: And I quote, "whatever gooed us stunk of living anus and was hairier than a pre-waxed Neadly."
    Wynonna: What, that's super accurate.
  • Wynonna, clad in just bathrobe and towel on her head, comes to the kitchen to find lab tech Jeremy there. She screams and grabs an umbrella, aiming it at him like a gun.
    Wynonna: One of these days...You'll be in the shower...And I'll be right there, waiting...
    Jeremy: I have an inverted nipple.
  • Wynonna is less upset about Jeremy bringing the demonic spider into her house and more that it's by her snacks.
  • Jeremy geeking out over the idea of Doc showing up.

2x3 Gonna Getcha Good
  • Nicole clearly unable to hold back her arousal seeing Waverly doing a cheerleader routine complete with outfit.
    • Waverly does another cheer with a high kick just as Wynonna enters.
    Waverly: Time for one more cheer
    —>Come on boys, from here to there!
    Wynonna (in time with cheer): Girl, put on some underwear!
  • Wynonna calls prom "that thing people do when they're not institutionalized at 14."
  • Double entendre about Wynonna's "big-ass" gun:
    Waverly: You polished the shaft hard enough.
    Wynonna: You so rarely hear that.
  • Wynonna getting hung up on "B-Train" being one of her old classmates nicknames.
  • "Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh shit".
  • Wynonna chases after an old classmate who she thinks may be the guy killing his old teammates, and when she tells Waverly this is hre response:
    Waverly: Oh my God, you're gonna ask him to marry you!
  • Doc once again calling Wynonna a prostitute after she described herself as being professional.
  • Wynonna's Power Walk out of a gym with the trophy after knocking out the captain of the hockey team. She just looks so happy.

2X4 She Aint' Right
  • Lucado enters.
    Lucado: I have something.
    Wynonna: There's a cream for that.
  • Wynonna's initial excitement at thinking that Jeremy is pyrokinetic when her coat spontaneously bursts into flames.
  • Waverly annoyed to realize Wynonna doesn't remember when her birthday is.
  • The attempts to call for help with Waverly using her heel to dial the phone while tied up.
    Waverly: Siri, call Doc Holliday.
    Siri: Calling. Holiday Inn.
    Waverly: What? No damnit.
    Wynonna: Oh, stupid bitch.
  • Jeremy is taken hostage by the bad guy while getting coffee.
    Wynonna: Ugh, Friar Cuck.
    (The villain threatens to kill Jeremy.)
    Wynonna: He's the new guy. Last one in, first one out.
    Jeremy: What?!
    Wynonna: Jeremy, loosen up.
    Jeremy: I'm about to poop my pants.
    Wynonna: Not that loose.
  • Wynonna's reaction to Dolls walking in to toast the guy with fire breath.
    Wynonna: Way cool with a side of habanero.

2X5 Let's Pretend We're Strangers
  • The first time we see the Order, they ceremonially behead a possessed man, and then ominously declare they will hunt down and kill all other demons... then the leader casually asks the others if they want nachos.
  • Doc shows Jeremy an old plate:
    Jeremy: Purgatory Fair, 1952. Was it a good year?
    Doc: I was at the bottom of a well.
    Jeremy: Hardocre.
    (Jeremy licks the plate.)
    Jeremy: Odd.
    Doc: You sure are.
  • Dolls finds Waverly and pulls a gun on her.
    Dolls: Give me one good reason not to kill you right here.
    Waverly: For starters, I'm tied to a chair. Again.
    Dolls: I know what you are. Demon.
    Waverly: Oh, you're an hour late and an Earp short.
  • Dolls and Lucado smash through a window in the Earp home and Waverly groans "guys, we just replaced that!"
  • Demon!Wynonna saying that no refills on pancakes at a restaurant is bullshit.
  • Earlier in the episode, Demon!Wynonna ripped into Nicole with several vicious things about her relationship with Waverly. At the end, once the demon has been killed, Nicole points this out. Wynonna tells her that it was the demon talking, and she can't believe all of it.
    Nicole: ... What do you mean all of it?
    • One of the accusations Demon!Wynonna made? That Waverly fakes it during sex.

2X6 Whiskey Lullaby
  • A nun enters the office, hands covered in blood:
    Nun: My boss was killed.
    Wynonna: God really is dead.
  • Wynonna's reaction to waking up to find she's been asleep for a month and her belly is now huge
    • Waverly's reaction: "This was so not on WebMD."
  • Waverly goes to wake up Doc...who's in a compromising position in bed.
    Waverly: Well, somebody's been doing yoga.
  • Waverly takes shots on Doc's partner.
    Waverly: She's too young for you!
    Doc: I'm older than the state of Colorado, everyone's too young for me.
  • Dolls trying to warn Wynonna to take it easy in her condition.
    Dolls: Don't come in hot.
    Wynonna: Have you met me? <beat> I'm ALWAYS hot.
  • Waverly and Nicole had just had sex when the sleep spell hit town. Meaning that Dolls finds Nicole in the bathroom completely naked. Her deadpan "don't look at me" is what sells it.
    • When she falls asleep and is woken up again, she comes to with "please tell me my clothes are on this time."
  • After seeing one of the Widows walking out of a building:
    Nicole: Why don't any of the creepy bad guys ever just wear jeans?
  • Discussing Wynonna's pregnancy. Wynonna was a few weeks pregnant when the Sandman demon put her and the rest of Purgatory to sleep for a month. According to him, she should have stayed that way, but for whatever reason, her baby kept developing while she was out, leaving her very visibly pregnant:
    Wynonna: So what you're saying is, I got screwed?

2X7 Everyone Knows
  • Jeremy being way too excited about being on a stakeout.
  • Out for drinks at a bar, Nicole learns that it's one where Wynonna used to strip under the name "Aphrodite". Her reaction is to down both their drinks.
    Wynonna: Pace yourself, there's a lot more to judge.
    • Drunk Nicole in general.
  • Jeremy screws up a ritual, magically binding him, Dolls, and Doc together. They spend the rest of the episode dragging each other around.
  • Wynonna groans when a Revenant runs away.
    Wynonna: Come on, I have cankles!
  • The reason that it took so long for Waverly to find Wynonna and Nicole is that Purgatory has at least four strip clubs.
    Waverly: You are drunk! And in trouble, OK? Both of you! I hit three other strip clubs! Three! Do you know how much strawberry-scented glitter I have on me? Huh?
    • It's practically impossible to get glittered just by stepping into a strip club, seeing if you can see the people you're looking for, and then leaving. So what was Waverly doing in those strip clubs?

2X8: No Future In The Past
  • Wynonna attempting to tell Dolls over the phone she's at a church.
    Wynonna We're at a...crossroads...we've reached a communion...(JC takes the phone away) Jesus Christ's country house! ...Not my best work.
  • When Wynonna thinks that the Vision Quest instructions Juan Carlo gave her has failed:
    Wynonna: Thanks a lot, JC. (to statue of Jesus) Not you.
  • This bit from Wynonna's view of the past, when the Widows are being sealed away:
    Widow: Traitor!
    Constance: Bitch.
    Juan Carlo: Father Juan Carlo. Now that introductions are out of the way... (punches one of the Widows)
    • Wynonna's reaction to this, given Juan Carlo's earlier statement of not being able to interfere in things:
    Wynonna: (gleeful) Not to get technical, but that looked like interference.

Episode 9 - Forever Mine Nevermind
  • Wynonna and Waverly are training with Waverly holding fighting sticks. Wynonna manages to do a leap to dodge it and then slaps her belly as a "high-five."
    Wynonna: With great belly comes great responsibility.
  • Dolls gives Rosita a card to a place called "Forever Eternity."
    Rosita: I know you guys think the Apocalypse is nigh but a gift card to a funeral home?
  • The team check out a body that appears to have been boiled and roasted alive, Nicole seeing his ID.
    Nicole: He was allergic to penicillin?
    Waverly: Yeah, I'm 99 percent sure that's not what killed him.
  • Wynonna angry at Doc "protecting" her.
    Wynonna: Just because I'm a big cheeseburger with another cheeseburger in my belly and I'm kinda hungry right now...
  • Doc and Wynonna jarred when a little girl in a doll mask pops up out of nowhere.
    Wynonna: Sorry. We already have a Dolls.

Episode 10 - I See a Darkness
  • Waverly smashing a stick into Mercedes' face.
    Waverly: No one here knows where the third seal is, Mercedes, but we are available for nose jobs.
  • Wynonna forced to go to Neadly for help.
    Wynonna: I wouldn't ask unless it was important. I'm talking Biblical, end of the world, Deep Impact, Armageddon, season 19 of America's Next Top Model combined.
  • Pretty much every single line said by Nedley while Widow!Mercedes has him, including discussing his role on the local curling team, asking if Mercedes is talking about a Pokemon, and telling her that Purgatory doesn't have seals (the animal) when she asks about the magical seal.

Episode 11 - Gone As a Girl Can Get
  • Waverly, Nicole and Jeremy hide out from a mob in a barn.
    Jeremy: Oh, no, I cannot die! I have only had sex one and a half times!
  • The hysterical Cliffhanger Copout to Doc stuck back in the well...and it turns out there's a ladder right behind him.
  • When the Widows break free, Doc grabs a pistol to blast at them to no effect.
    Doc: Just once, can I get some bullets that work?!
  • Even in this alternate reality, Jeremy can't help but be a total fanboy, even wearing Doc's hat.
  • Doc and Dolls shoot at each other in the bar.
    Doc: You're a good man, Dolls! ...With semi-reptilian tendencies...
  • After shooting Dolls, Doc comes to check up on him and Dolls shoots him.
    Doc: I do hate it when we argue.
  • As the mob closes in, Waverly gets a call from Perry.
    Waverly: Ah, yeah, raspberry sounds great. Sorry, I can't talk, I'm in a barn ready to explode. Also, I think I'm gay, call you later?
  • When Waverly and Nicole talk in Nicole's car, still mindwiped, Nicole offers to break the rules and give Waverly what she needs to find the Iron Witch.
    Waverly: You'd do that for me?
    Waverly: ... For me?
    Nicole: Yeah, that too.

Episode 12 - I Hope You Dance
  • Wynonna and Bobo reunite.
    Wynonna: Robert Savne.
    Bobo: Gestating bitch.
  • Wynonna is worried Doc is dead.
    Jeremy: Hey, he's not. I'd feel it in my groin.
    Wynonna: I feel like just for that, I get to say "vagina" again.
  • The Widow Mercedes faces Wynonna in the town street.
    Mercedes: Time to face your destiny.
    Wynonna: That better not be a nickname for your beav, because I'm not in the mood.
  • Doc tells Wynonna how far along she is.
    Doc: Contractions are 12 minutes apart. You're dialating.
    Wynonna: You read the books?
    Doc: The Wikipedia.
  • Wynonna screaming out for "whiskey, all the whiskey! And Rum!" She also wonders why she's lying on the pool table when "they are multiple couches around."
  • Doc's baffled reaction to Jeremy referring to Waverly and Nicole as "WayHaught".
  • When Wynonna declared that everyone needs to stop dying, she very pointedly looks directly at Nicole- who at this point in the series has died or almost died four times.

    The Road To Purgatory 

  • The existence of the blog in general: It's a password-protected Tumblr that catalogues season one from Nicole's POV, starting off with her trying to note down the weird stuff going on in town and quickly down-spiraling into gushing over and screenshots of conversations with Waverly.
  • The reveal that when Nicole walked into the bar in 1x02, she was planning on asking Waverly questions about a disturbance at the bar the night before. She completely failed at asking a single thing, because she got distracted by Waverly.
  • Regarding Dolls and his interaction with Nicole at the end of 1x03:
    The grim spectre of death would probably be more helpful when it comes to the subject of romance.
  • "What does cat eggplant flower plane mean?"
  • Nicole had to text Waverly after the kiss in 1x09 to make sure it had actually happened. Waverly responds with about thirty unicorn emojis.
  • Nicole texts Waverly half a dozen times to make sure she's okay after the shooting in 1x11.
    Nicole: You were SHOT
    Waverly: I was GRAZED
  • While Waverly is in full-out panic mode worrying over whether Willa is going to out her and Nicole's relationship to Wynonna, Nicole decides to be snarky:
    Nicole: I didn't think it was possible for another of your sisters to be more socially awkward, yet here we are
    Waverly: NOT HELPING OFFICER SMARTASS
    Waverly: Oh my god.
  • "It turns out being all gallant is a darn fine way to get your girlfriend all riled up."
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