Cat's various interactions with the mean girls (and Jade's commentary about them) were also hilarious. And Cat and Jade discussing their weekend plans in class. And the food decision. Probably the funniest episode of the series overall.
Cat and Jade's exaggerated/sarcastic 'who knew?' reactions to Tori throwing off her disguise.
Cat in the Mental Ward (especially with the blocks) in Rex Dies.
Cat: "Did any of the rest of us get parts?" Sikowitz: "Awh... Is a certain little redhead hoping she got a role in teacher's play?" Cat:(adorably) "Heeheehee... She is..." Sikowitz: "Well, she didn't."
How could we have forgotten the entire scene of everyone helping set up for the play? There was Tori shredding the shirt Sinjin gave her, Cat spraying bear spray in Andre's eyes (he needed help crying for the play), Cat accidentally shocking Jade, and more.
When they go to a Chinese restaurant, the hostess has pictures of her on the wall with famous people.
Tori: Is that Angelina Jolie!??!
Hostess: Yes. She ordered Wonton soup and tried to adopt my daughter.
From the same episode:
Hostess: What's it about?
Tori: A girl falls into a well and drowns from her own tears.
Hostess: JUST DRAG THE BODY OUT BY THE DUMPSTER AND DON'T SAY NOTHING TO NOBODY...
The Diddly Bops had tons of these, actually.
Sikowitz addressing the class:
Sikowitz: How would you teenagers like to do something for money?
Tori: (after a pause) Can we have some details first?
Robbie's entire "broken glass" song.
Tori: What is wrong with you?
Jade: I like it.
Cat singing the Waggafuffles song.
Cat: (hurt) Rex told me to shut up!
Sikowitz: Yes. Thank you, Rex.
Andre sings a song about how everybody has a nose, to which Jade replies "My grandpa's nose was blown off in a war, so that song is a filthy lie."
Jade cutting up Tori's flowers.
Tori: My mom grew those flowers in her garden!
Jade: They're lovely. (snips entire flower off the stem)
The entirety of the broken glass song.
Robbie: It's fun to run. It's fun to play. It's fun to make things out of clay. It's fun to fill your car with gas. It's fun to break...Things made of glass. But broken glass can cut your hand. And then you'll bleed across the land. Ask any woman, child or man. The dangers that you'll have...With broken glass. With broken glass. But broken glass is not a food. So don't you listen to some dude. Who says put cheese on broken glass. And make a sand-a-witch...Out of broken glass!
And it goes on.
Jade: ...I liked it.
Backstage before the performance:
Sikowitz: This is a very nice thing you guys are doing here.
Tori: Yeah, yeah. Thousand bucks, right?
While they're performing as the Diddly-Bops:
Robbie: We're gonna sing about your favorite foods!
Henry: Sing about dinosaurs!
Beck:(in overly-happy voice) No!
Then after the song:
Sinjin: Do another song!
Beck:(in overly-happy voice) No!
During the song (sotto voice):
Jade: Hate this!
Tori: Thousand bucks!
Jade: Not enough!
At the end of the song Jade says "We did this for money"
Jade to Sikowitz: "I'll give you this dollar to get to the point."
"I can't take your money ... (pockets dollar)"
Tori: "Apparently we're the Diddly Bops!"
The vitriol with which everyone (particularly Jade) sang the line "chicken nuggets make me lose control" still puts this troper in stitches dozens of views later.
From The Wood:
Trina: Oh my God, they're filming something.
This little gem:
Trina (to Beck) Smell my arm. No perfume. That's my natural scent.
Producers (later saying no to Trina) Because you reek of desperation.
Beck That's her natural scent.
Jade describing what she hates during her The Wood interview:
Tuna fish, flowers, giggling, the word 'panties,' cilantro, rainbows, ducks...man, I hate ducks, cramps, string cheese, clocks, wet doorknobs, bras that hook in the front, the color yellow, carpeting...
Trina telling Robbie that she tested the deep-fryer on Rex's foot. Robbie's scream when he finds she wasn't bluffing is what seals it.
From A Film By Dale Squires:
Teacher: Tori, can you make your sister leave?
Tori: Trina, stop embarassing me or I'm gonna embarass you.
Trina: Don't threaten me!
Tori: When Trina was six, our family went to the mall just before Christmas-
Cat's bizarrely spot-on Seinfeld impression. I was in absolute stitches.
In Sleepover at Sikowitz's, Tori's parents' Serious Business attitude towards Terms Of Endearment and their bewilderment of Tori's friends viewing it as a comedy.note Becomes more hillarious when you realize that it is a romantic comedy-drama.
HOW IS THAT FUNNY!?
The various characters the group play in that episode.
Sikowitz does a Jump Scare to Tori by having her look at a red dot he drew on an index card.
From Beggin' On Your Knees:
Jade: You must feel pretty stupid right now.
Beck: Okay, that's a time out.
Jade: No! I was just-
Beck: GO SIT ON THE STEPS!
And those harmonizing quartets who would butt in at random times. Reminded me of when Drake & Josh had those moments when the boys would harmonize "Noooooooo...".
"DON'T BE A WEENIE!" That is all.
Cat's costumes from Beck Falls for Tori, especially the Sikowitz one.
Cat: I'm Cat, International Spy!
Andre refers to the first one as "Little Boy Poop".
The simple chair stunt can somehow escalate before they've even started.
Boy: I'll give you the letter. (Guys are elated.) IF. (Guys are not elated.) I can go to the private concert. Tori: (slightly relieved) Okay... Boy: And I want to kiss her. (Tori gets a shock.) And her. (Cat looks flattered.) And the freaky one. (Jade looks repulsed.) Andre: You'd better stop there.
The Stinger is the extended take of Tori failing to get the ice cream out of the tub. Must be seen to be believed.
(Talking about being Tori's understudy)
Jade: Yeah, if you get sick....or go missing...or GET HIT BY A BUS!!!!!
Tori: Umm...She can't drive a bus right?
In Tori Gets Stuck Tori annoyed with Jade: "Okay, why don't you go down to the nursery and scare the newborn babies!"
Jade gasps in delight and grins.
to the doctor: "Where are the babies?"
"And so I'm not a captain, I'm a pretty little salmon..." *thud*
The blood bag exploding on Tori and Robbie. Your just don't expect that much blood splatter on a kid's show.
Sikowicz tries to brush off talking about the 'Prome' by saying he has to take his grandmother to hospital. Which sounds like a lame excuse, up until he hefts his grandmother from a hidden corner and hauls her over his shoulder.
Tori: Oh my god, I didn't know your grandmother was here! Sikowicz: That's all right, neither does she!
Manager: In our country, getting bitten by a vampire moth is good luck! Cat: But it says here that if you're bitten by a vampire moth you could die! Manager: Yes, but if you survive you are very lucky!
Tori: Uh...go fish. (gets hit with a stick by one of the prisoners, then gets back up) ...That is not how we play Go Fish in America!
The prisoners playing rocks with Beck and Andre. "HEY! WE TOLD Y'ALL WE DIDN'T WANNA PLAY ROCKS!"
Cat: And meeeeeeeeee! Rex: Cat, they can't see you, baby. Cat: Oh (beat) it's Cat, bye! Rex: Sincerely, the Breakfast Bunch. Even though we never had breakfast as a bunch.
"If you mess with the cow, you get the udders."
In The Gorilla Club, this from after Tori beats the Balls of Pain:
Beck: You did it! Tori: Shoosh yeah, I did! Beck: WHO'S A ROCKSTAR?!?! Tori: MEEEEEEEEE! Beck: Whoo! (they hi-five) You are definitely a real risk taker! Tori: I know! And to prove it even more you know what I'm gonna do RIGHT NOW?! Beck: WHAT? Tori: I'm gonna use the bathroom HERE! (jumps) Beck: ...Sitting? Tori: (in a menacing voice)Sitting.
From that same episode, Trina getting knocked out by the giant delivery box at her front door after the Overly-Long Gag of her reading the tracking number had this troper in stitches. The phone voice wording it as "your package will be delivered" really sells the moment.
Sinjin: And now, it's time to PLAAYYY.... (shorter Beat this time) Audience: (bored tones) Queries for couples.
Question and answer time:
Sinjin: Tori, Robbie has a back zit. Do you A. Take him to a doctor, B. Wait for it to explode on its own or C. Pop it for him. (Robbie picks C) Tori: I would choose A. Take him to a doctor. Sinjin: And Robbie predicted you would pick C. Pop it for him. (error buzzer) Tori: GROSS! Robbie: My mom does it for me! Tori: Well maybe that's why she screams in her sleep!
That Running Gag about Tori needing a ridiculous extension cord for her handphone:
Tori: Excuse me? Could you plug that in the wall please? (cut to Northridge girls holding the cord and staring blankly) Cat: Some girls aren't so smart.
This was from "Andre's Horrible Girl":
Cat: We're hanging out togeth- Jade: NO!!!
The minor reveal of the true nature of Andre and Hope's relationship, when she layers yet another gift on him, a scarf.
Beck: It's like a pretty leash!
The further reveal that Andre's only enduring Hope to get in her music producer father's good graces.
Andre: So you're telling me I should dump Hope tonight before I get the chance to sing before her dad? Tori: If you want to do the right thing then yes! Dump her tonight! Andre: What if I said you could sing with me? Tori: Dump her tomorrow!
From "Car, Rain and Fire":
Jade: Oh, I'm sorry, all I heard was "hamster, hamster, science, science, Tori's boring, kill me."
Then Tori's revenge of giving Jade a muffin she found on the floor of Cat's brother's car...
In "Tori and Jade's Play Date":
Tori: I admire how you're never afraid to say what you think. Jade: That's stupid. Tori: See?
"Driving Tori Crazy" had the one where she is being driven to school by Jade, and hinting that she will be killed. They drive through a mostly deserted highway with no phone signal. Jade then starts singing "LA, LA, LA, LA" in an ominous tone that freaks Tori out so much she jumps out the car.
April Fools Blank: The opening scene where Mr. Belding knocks Tori to the floor, Cat blows a trumpet in Tori's face twice, and Sikowitz explodes.
Andre rushing in and urging Tori to take caution for war, then it becomes caution for a pop quiz. Then war again. And he runs off and starts to sing the National Anthem, but gets hit in the leg by an arrow.
Tori walking onto the set of iCarly and casually saying hello to Spencer like it's no big deal that she just walked from the janitor's closet in their school right into an apartment in Seattle.
Let's not forget to mention the whole Jade/Tori scene, starting with Jade dragging herself along the floor. That whole scene had this troper ROFLing everytime she thought of it for the rest of the week!
The Wizard of Oz and Match Game parodies, the first of which has Ariana Grande perform an impressive Judy Garland impression and the second of which has Matt Bennett perform an impressive Charles Nelson Reilly impression.
In "Tori Goes Platinum", Cat's addiction to bibble.
"I CAN'T HELP IT!...It's so good."
Some of the head producer's reactions to the auditions:
(to Trina's attempt) "What have I done to deserve this torture?
(to Rex's) *speechless shock at the fact that he's watching a PUPPET audition*
In "Crazy Ponnie" nobody believes Tori when she says there's a girl named Ponnie(played by Jennette McCurdy from iCarly) at their school that's trying to make her look crazy. Tori is freaked to see that the lit up words on her locker door "Make it shine" were changed to "Make it rot". When she goes to get Sikowitz and her classmates to see it, Ponnie secretly switches it back to the original door. When Tori and her friends return:
Tori:''Come see it! It says 'Make it rot!' I and I know Ponnie did it! See!(pointing to the locker and looking back at the others) My locker says 'Make it shine!' (Double Take) WHAAAAT?!!"
Even before that, Tori's reactions to her locker saying 'Make it rot'. The first time it's unsettling, but after learning Ponnie just switched the lockers on her, her reactions become quite funny, while still understandable.
When Andre asks Cat about doing Jade's eyebrows:
Cat: Make 'em look neater and nicer. Girls do that. We groom each other like monkeys.
Jade's eyebrowless unblinking stare of rage.
"The Blonde Squad": Jade describing the list of Evan Smith's ex-girlfriends:
Jade: Blonde, blonde, blonde, whoa ugly blonde!
"The Hambone King" finally lampshades all the cases of Serious Business we've had:
Cat: This hambone competition is really scary! Jade: We're about to watch two nerds complete by slapping themselves. I think we'll be fine.
"Opposite Date" : Jade's imitation of Cat is spot on, and hilarious.
Jade: Hi Tori! Um, my brother locked me in the closet and I got bored and I wanted to know what you guys are doing AAHAA HAA HAA HAAA... Cat: That's so disrespectful.
The fact that random chitchat with strangers in the vets' waiting room can turn into a therapy session.
Three Girls and a Moose: Tori pretending to like hockey to please Moose. "Why are they so angry at that little pucker?!"
Cat actually joins Jade in her not-actually-Tori impressions.
Cat: "Oh pleeease take me to the hockey game, Moose! I'm ever so DESPERATE!"
Cat breaking out a mobile barbecue pit to seduce Moose.
Cell Block: The teenagers are challenged not to use cellphones/ipads/etc for a whole week, so naturally they all start going a little insane soon. Not even two days into the contest, Cat makes a mad dash at the box of phones... in the ensuring struggle to hold her back, she kicked Jade to the floor, whacked Beck across the face with the box, and it basically took ALL 5 of her friends to pin her down. And in the meantime, Sikowitz is watching this whole thing with glee, thoroughly enjoying it.
From the same episode, at the end, Sikowitz tricks the girls into using their phones first because he sides with the guys.
Tori: ANDRE! Justin Bieber just invited me to go to JUPITER!
This status message and response from The Slap:
Beck: The best thing about dating Jade is not having to buy any Valentine's Day gifts. Saves me like $35 bucks.
Jade: You were only going to spend $35 bucks on me!!!! That's it. I want flowers and jewlery NOW!
Also from The Slap, Rex complains about the paparazzi that have been bugging him.
Tori: Why on Earth would you have paparazzi?
Rex: Cuz my face sells magazines, that's why!
Rex, again, showing he does have standards. Incredibly low standards, anyway.
Rex: No, I will not dress up like a leprechaun for your St. Patrick's day party. I have SOME respect, people!
Andre: How about for $20?
Rex: What time do you want me to show up?
This exchange of sisterly love.
Trina: I keep getting fan mail. I don't even open it anymore.
Tori: Well, I opened it. It was a letter from the dentist. You have an appointment next week.
Trina: How do you delete comments?
Cat: Is happy! Jade: Why? Cat: Why what? Jade: Why are you happy? Cat: I'm not. I'm actually really sad today. (Just heard that flies live for only ONE day). :( Jade: Then why does your status say "Is happy!"????? Cat: Oh, that was a typo.
Yet more from TheSlap:
Tori: Sweet potato fries are the greatest food EVER invented. I DARE you to name something better. Trina: Me. Tori: You're not a food. Trina: I'm better than food.
Cat's Random Thoughts. In order: her real name, her grandmother's fudge, the guy filming her, the pink tape on her hairdryer, flirting with her hairdryer, pretending her hairdryer is a laser gun, fitting her big toe in her mouth, eating fries, "look I'm upside down now!", her impression of a baby lamb, lamb chops, more baby lamb, the end.
The Drive-By Acting Exercises are always a hoot.
In this one Jade and Beck play the a "weirdo" fast food worker and a guy trying to place an order, respectively. Jade plays her role as a large man with a heavy New Jersey accent that is obsessed with Beck's good looks and specifically his abs. Ho Yay doesn't even begin to describe it, and it's with a girl and a guy.
"I swear on my mother's face, you are like NINE different kinds of attractive."
"One day if I get married and I have a child, I want to take that baby, my own little baby child. I want to let him to take a nap on your gorgeous abs. That's how impressed with your abs I am, my friend. And even if you get fat one day, if you eat like a pig for nine years and gain, I don't know 1400 pounds, I won't care because I know those phenomenal abs are buried somewhere under all that fat."