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Funny: Shadowjack Watches Sailor Moon
Given the sheer amount of hilarity Shadowjack produces, singling out the Crowning Moments isn't easy...

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    Non-Episodic Posts 
  • Shadowjack: You realize, of course, that I'm actually leeching the soul energy from everyone in this thread to feed my Dark Master. "Otaku are a powerful source of energy."
  • Shadowjack (regarding the SNES RPG): Because there's nothing that says "Sailor Moon" so much as grinding mobs.
    Usagi: Right, how many is that, Ami? Ami?
    Ami: …What? Sorry, I fell asleep.
    Usagi: You can cast Bubble Spray in your sleep?
    Ami (yawns): Apparently. Where's Rei?
    Rei: Walking in circles and casting Fire Soul on automatic.
    Ami: Wake me when we reach level 40.
  • ru (about the speeches): for some reason, it always cracks me up when Usagi does a long-ass into <sic>, and then the others just pop up with "likewise!" that, and the fact that i always hear Sailor Moon as "Sailor Mooo"
  • Shadowjack (regarding episode 19): It occurs to me that Nephrite's lucky that happened, though. What if half the class had disobeyed orders and showed up?
    Random Girl 1: I'm Sailor Moon!
    Random Girl 2: No, I'm Sailor Moon!
    Random Girl 3: I'm Sailor Moon and so's my boyfriend!
  • Shadowjack: "Kenny provided much energy for the Dark Kingdom! And he's a renewable energy source!"
  • JohnBiles, in response to a scene in episode 21:
    Nephrite: ...
  • Shadowjack's response to a response to episode 21, featuring: "Yowza!"
    • Cruton's response to Shadowjack, featuring: "Beryl, darling, we are going about this invasion all wrong! How <sic> you met the Japanese?"
      • Shadowjack's response to that:
    Nephrite: !
  • Jhiday: While we're on crackpot theories... Did you notice that Zoisite and Umino had the same voice-actor ? This may be an explanation for that crossdressing incident...
  • Cruton: Man, at the rate we're talking it up, by the time Shadowjack actually gets to season 3, he's going to expect it to be Ghostbusters, Hedwid <sic> and the Angry Inch, La Blue Girl, and Grave of the Fireflies all rolled into a big Ikihara <sic> joint and smoked through the eyes.
  • Another one from Shadowjack:
    Luna: Usagi, try the Crescent Wand!
    Usagi (picks up Wand and waves it around): Drat. I can't sense anything. Must be interference.
    Ami (picks up Ryo and waves him around): How about you, dear?
  • The Fireballed Mage (regarding one of the photos in episode 27): Damn right. That look is the last thing you remember before you wake upon satin sheets, tied spread eagle with a lit cigarette in your mouth, while nearby, a very confused donkey looks at you reproachfully.
  • Just before episode 29, Evil Midnight Lurker misreads the Transformation Sequence counter.
  • Shadowjack: I did know about the Rei-Rei connection, which is why it was a terrible temptation to draw Rei in bandages and blankly staring for those recaps.
  • The Fireballed Mage (regarding a negative opinion of "Ami's First Love"): I will pull myself over broken glass with my lips to fight you over this opinion, good sir.
  • Episode 31 outtake:
    Ami: Are you even sure that's even a real cat?
    Makoto: Oh, calm down, we're just joking. Tomato? (offers him one.)
    Rhett Butler: (turns blue with rage, launches off like a rocket.)
    Ami: ?!
    Makoto: What's the matter? (eats tomato.)
    Ami: This is getting too strange by far. Where's Usagi?
    Makoto: (points.)
    Usagi: (flies by, using her pigtails for lift.) Hey, Ami. Want to borrow them? (takes her pigtails off and offers them to Ami.)

    Ami: (wakes up.)
    Ami:
  • Blazing Bat (after episode 31): For no reason at all, I'm now imagining Beryl shrieking and trying to climb the back of her throne to get away from a lost rat that climbed out of Zoisite's trouser leg.
  • The "commercial break."
  • Vessiel's admiring rant about Zoisite.
  • The revelation (complete with images, 'cause pics or it didn't happen) that the Martian Manhunter once went by the alias Hino Rei... and that the Godsdamned Batman caught the reference.
    • Later followed by this. The reply to that is pure, concentrated truth.
  • Shadowjack's response to learning about the former Trope Namer for Dub-Induced Plot Hole.
  • Phigment (in response to an earlier comment): Wait, so, you'll be sitting around the life sciences lab, applying electricity to a bottle of phlegm or something, and then magical girls will suddenly break in and kill everyone? ... It seems like that sort of thing would make the news.
  • LAUNDRY DAY.
  • Shadowjack: Aw, man. Now I want to find a way to write Jägers into this thing.
    • And Cruton's response.
  • JohnBiles: I cannot help but imagine Ami upgrading her Bubble Blast by turning it into the "INTERTEXTUAL HAZE OF MULTIMEDIA BRICOLAGE BLAST!", a huge cloud of memes, video clips. sound clips, quotes, etc, which leave her foes stumbling in a confused haze of trying to remember sources and interrelations of text.
  • Kreuzritter, in response to the last line of episode 39:
    Ami: I'm trying but she's not making it easy.
  • Peter Svensson: There is a LOT of Sailormoon fanfic. My favorite being the one where Usagi gets stuck in a comma. Well, that's not what the writer meant, but the imagery of Usagi being in a punctuation mark can never escape my mind.
  • Shadowjack's GAMING ANECDOTE FROM YE OLDEN DAYS.
  • Tinkerbell's response to episode 44, mostly because, well...
    No-Brand Hero: Thanks for quoting the entire thing for that. <insert wth-smiley here>
  • Evil Midnight Lurker's response to episode 44.
  • Shadowjack, on desynchronous reincarnation: "Right! Now to find my minions. Oh, damn. He died three hundred years ago, and she won't be born for another two hundred. Um."
  • The conversation about Beryl and rope-climbing.
    ANT Pogo: Your drawings of Beryl always make me feel funny.

    Like when we used to climb the rope in gym class.
    JohnBiles: Beryl makes your hands chafe and then you fall on your ass and everyone laughs at you?
  • Thread 2, post 522.
  • Evil Midnight Lurker (after S1 epilogue): Tragically, we never see how badly Ami freaks out when she realizes she's been left back...
  • Gargoylewing's Motivational Posters.
  • This post.
  • Tiara del Fuego.
  • Spam-bots.
  • Radio Free Ruritania: Also, I just realised that I have two co-workers with upwards-pointing anime noses. One a short lady with sensible short hair and one a giant with a pony tail and a couple of locks hanging down her cheeks. :eek: Thankfully for the sake of my fragile sanity it is the taller of the two who is called Amy.
  • knightsky confesses as to how s/he finds the thread.
  • The Awkward Zombie digression.
  • Cruton: They fell into a game plan pretty quickly, so I think it's safe to assume A&E has done this whole "planet vampirism" thing before. Which may also be their motivation for acting so picky — once you spend a few decades killing the Planet of Orange Starfish Who Go Spoo by hand, you'd rather have a bit of luxury in your life.
  • Oh, No-Brand Hero, how we love thee...
    • Oh dear, I love you too!
  • Drunken Makoto and Ami, taking potshots.
    • Phigment (related to above, vaguely): I'm not sure their relationship has reached the "tying each other up" stage.
  • Cruton: Damnit, where's that flow chart—?
  • Jhiday: Megumi Ogata gets yet another cameo, voicing the taller of the two bullies here. Which means that Mie is bullied by Shinji --ing Ikari. Er, yeah. Maybe the smackdown laid by Minako here could explain a lot of his issues...
  • The Fireballed Mage comments on Beware the Nice Ones.
  • Also The Fireballed Mage: With that expression you can't tell if she's being normal Rei and thinking, "......" or else, "For this insult, I will kill you, your family, your pets, and everyone you ever talked to on a Tuesday."
  • Sailor Moon has been subbed in Klingon.
  • Blazing Bat brings us a series of screenshots from episode 55:
    Ami (nonverbal): Oh dear, sweet, merciful gods, my poor, useless shoulder!
  • Shadowjack, on the subject of Makoto's new attack (during "Doomtree" arc):
    I did think of writing in a scene afterwards where she summons the lightning dragon to go for a ride, alá Neverending Story. But the dialogue would basically have been:

    Makoto: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
  • From the "Mostly Makoto" sketchdump:
  • Cruton (after the episode that brought us talent): So I thought it'd be funny to see if there was a bust comparison chart somewhere for Sailor Moon and post it up here. There are certain Google image search terms I am never using again.
  • Gargoylewing talks to himself.
  • JohnBiles has posting issues:
    Evil Midnight Lurker: I am now officially worried about Bailesu-sama. :eek:
    Shadowjack: Yeah. :eek:

    Still Shadowjack: Hey, Mr. Biles! You having lag issues, or you just waiting for someone to jestingly tell you you're full of it?

    Still Shadowjack: Because you are! You totally are! As full of it as you like! Okay? :P

    Still Shadowjack: Wow. Hectuple post. Is that a local record? I've only ever doubled.
  • Cruton: I think this was the notion behind the "Princess" homebrew project at work up in TTO. The nWOD magical girl stand-ins could draw splat points by getting involved with people to make their lives better and then using that to power for, well, whatever they felt like, basically. It was pretty much a nicer, fluffier, simpler take on Forsaken. I'm... not sure where the design of the game stands now. Last time I glanced in that thread, there was a running debate about whether or not the Dark Kingdom was a dyson sphere.
  • Shadowjack: It suddenly occurs to me that Luna may have "lost" the wand intentionally.
  • The Dungeon Keeper Ami digression, culminating in:
  • Cruton, on the subject of villain names: My personal theory? As a small child, Naoko Takeuchi spent several horrible hours buried until a collapsed display of rock collections at a museum gift shop.
  • JohnBiles gives us a snippet.
  • Q99 has a kickass dream. Digression ensues.
  • Kreuzritter: nay, just as mommy had an army of lovely youma, the dak <sic> princess naru weilds <sic> an army of demonic nerds
  • Shadowjack (before posting episode 60 write-up): Write-up on the next episode is in progress. I kind of suspected that the little pink-haired girl was due to appear, but I didn't expect her to cap Usagi in the face.
  • Cruton: Are you suggesting "thermo nuclear war" is actually part of a Doom Tree's lifecycle?
  • Shadowjack's thought process. Cabaret ostrich.
  • Shadowjack, in response to this post by Peter Svensson:
    Usagi: At last my sweet!
    Mamoru: At last! And now—
    Naoko Takeuchi, coming off of a harsh break-up: Fuuuuck youuuuuuuuu!!! (blam blam blam blam blam)
  • Madgirls.
  • Evil Midnight Lurker: And now we know why Revy shouldn't be a Magical Girl. o.O; Sweet Zombie Jesus, it makes her even MORE terrifying!
  • Shadowjack, on sleep: Yeah, I give Chibi-Usa my reaction at that point. "This woman is delusional! Get help!"

    Ami: I'M FINE. I DON'T NEED TO SLEEP. HAHAHAHAHA!
  • Gargoylewing brings us the "Puu has arrived" dance.
  • On Venus Love-Me Chain:
    • dshaffer: I'm not exactly sure a love powered chain whip was properly thought out.
    • Blazing Bat: Cue mental picture of Venus dangling a monster headfirst from her chain, shaking it so that its money falls from its pockets.
    • Norgarth: 2) as far as Venus' new attack goes, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me."
    • GaoGaiGar: I wonder if the Sailor V/Sailor Moon marketing machine in the show ever produced a plastic Love-Me Chain. Young girls running around whipping them at each other, calling out how it's in the name of love and beauty... oh, my.
  • Shadowjack's theory for Silver Millenium Queen Serenity's husband? Captain Malcolm Reynolds.
  • Shadowjack has outgrown the turducken of awesome.
  • The Fireballed Mage answers a tax inquiry.
  • The adventures of Morganite.
  • Cruton (from a discussion on branching fannon): "Usagi" and "angry sex" just don't fit into the same thought. She'd start crying half-way through because Mamoru's face was so scary and he'd spend the rest of the night consoling her with cocoa and a DVD of My Fair Lady.
  • Shadowjack's response to Blazing Bat's Morganite sketches.
  • Shadowjack on dub syndication.
  • On Mamoru's Tuxedo Mask hand puppet:
    ANT Pogo: No one is questioning why Mamoru even has a Tuxedo Mask hand puppet??!
    Cruton: The Sailor Scouts are well-known enough at this point to merit cheesy drug store toys of them, I think. And Mamoru is a college student, so he's automatically drawn to irony and recursion. He also a Sailor Moon lunch box. Sometimes, he has the lunch box and the puppet get married. Then he cries himself to sleep.
    Shadowjack: Now that's just mean! :P He has a shelf in a cabinet where he keeps these things out of sight, and he always has the Tuxedo Mask hand puppet sit next to the Color-Change Squeeze-and-Talk Sailor Moon doll.
  • Between the seventh recap and episode 73:
    Davies: ... you really must permit me to be cut to pieces on your behalf sometime.
    Shadowjack: That is perhaps the most interesting compliment I have ever received.
  • During Episode 73, Makato says Ami has "Awesome unbounded talent." Davies reacts.
    Ami: No, dear, that's you when you go bra-less.
    (Forgive me, it had to be said.)
    • Shadowjack's response?
    Makoto: "You're not too bad yourself in that department."
    Rei: "Okay, you two, get a room."
  • Cruton speaks truth.
    While Sailor Pluto is much loved for other reasons, amide this outpouring of joy at her appearance, I feel compelled to point out the obvious.

    She is not a magical girl.

    She is a magical grown-ass woman.

    Hoo-rah.
  • Droid gems as S2 engines.
  • JohnBiles: (after a few "cousins" jokes) I now cannot help but imagine a version of Sailor Moon set in the town where Snuffy Smith is set and now I must throw myself into a volcano.
  • The competent season 2 Ali and En plot.
  • JohnBiles gives us Lunarian-Asgardian relations. Jupiter is less than happy.
  • Usagi realizes she rules the world now.
  • Worst. Magical sword. EVER.
  • The day Talitha the Little Girl flushed her shirt down the toilet.
    • The keyword being accidentally. That doesn't make the ensuring mayhem less funny.
  • Osaka gets captured by a monster.
  • Belldandy and Serenity have a god-off. It ends with the house in flames, but not for the reasons you think.
  • Ami dictates a letter.
  • The cast's tabletop game preferences.
  • Amazoness on Episode 120:
    So, now I get to reveal why I always found your text-speak Mimete so funny...
    Mimete is now trapped in the burgeoning mid-nineties internet. She doesn't use text-speak... she is text speak. Trapped forever as a data stream on the web, she vented her fury by ranting incoherently on newsgroups. Others picked up her style and ran with it, but she's still out there, somewhere. Perhaps that antagonistic troll on /b/, that illiterate Youtube commenter, that horrendous yet persistent poster on Fanfiction.net is really our Mimete, immersed forever in a media saturated landscape that only further fuels her mania and frustrated egotism...
  • As it turns out, Shadowjack's version of things apparently occurs not in Tokyo, but a small seaside Cali town.
    Once a horde of youma attacked Oakland and nobody noticed; "At first I thought they were just Raiders fans," said one victim.
  • When discussing the possibility of Sailors for Celestial Objects that are not planets, Shadowjack gave us this gem:
    "I am Sailor 99942 Apophis! In the name of the Torino scale, there is a slight but measurable chance that I might punish you!"
  • From the tail end of the genderswap sketches: Master 9 and His Beard of POWER!!

    Series General 

    Sailor Moon 
  • Episode 4: Luna's... talk... with Usagi:
    Luna: [Extends claws] Now then. Let us get some things perfectly clear about our relationship.
    Luna: I AM YOUR CAT. I FUCKIN' OWN YOU.
    Luna: When I say your job is to fight demons, I expect you to hop to it! And if you don't, it's the CLAW for you!
    Luna: IS. THAT. UNDERSTOOD?
    Usagi: Eep! YES, MISTRESS!
    Luna: [purrs] Good. Now let's go save your teacher from herself.
  • Episode 5:
    Beryl: Jadeite, new plan?
    Jadeite: I have a magic iguana.
  • Episode 6: This. Just... this:
  • Episode 7:
    Shingo: I remember I kicked open the door once because I thought they were killing the cat.
    Usagi: [laughing] I was so angry that time.
    Anonymous cat, face blurred out: The singing was bad enough, but it was the choreography that killed them.
    • Also Episode 7 (at Naru's house): "A bizarre scene ensues in which Naru secretly invites Umino over to her place and convinces him to dress in drag and play Usagi's part in the act, by implying that this will improve his romantic chances because Usagi is into this sort of thing. I really can't make this any stranger than it already is."
      • Later, at school:
    Naru (blushes): Er… Umino, you don't have to do that off stage.
    • Know what? Just Episode 7.
  • Episode 8: Umino's materialization.
    • Ami's reaction to pre-reveal cram school youma.
    • Usagi: "…This is my life. My cat knows more than I do about everything."
  • Episode 9:
    Mom: …so then I went shopping with Naru and Umino's mothers—
    Usagi: Umino has parents?
    Mom: I'm as surprised as you are, dear.
    • The relative descriptions of Ami and Usagi's running styles.
      Ami: The demon's this way! /runs "like a girl"
      Usagi: FASTER! /runs like mad
    • (End of Episode) Ami: "That was fun! When's the next one?"
  • Episode 10: Breaking the Fourth Wall
    Shadowjack: Hey, Rei, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
    Rei: No. ¿Have you?
    Luna: [Face Palm]
    • Followed by the next two segments, one of which contains an instance of actual dialogue.
    • Actually, most of the episode.
  • Episode 11: Everything after "A New Dream."
    • A NEW DREAM: A pleasant field and forest.
    Luna: Be careful, guys! It's another illusion!
    Rei: Don't worry, we're alert this time.
    Usagi: Yeah, we're not going to fall for any stupid tricks!
    [Enter Tuxedo Mask.]
    Usagi: See? Obvious trap.
    [—riding a horse.]
    Rei: …but it might not be.
    [—riding a unicorn.]
    [Usagi and Rei run off to play with Tuxedo Mask for ever and ever.]
    Luna: (Facepalm.)
  • Episode 12: "You are such a hypocrite."
    • The segment in question
    USAGI BREAKS THE SOUND BARRIER getting to the mall.
    […and loses the raffle. Repeatedly.]
    Rei [just happens by, and listens to Usagi's explanation.] ¡Ha! ¿You really want this silly prize? I, of course, haven't any such interest in such childish things.
    Rei [pushes her way up to the raffle machine.]
    Rei: ¡HEAR ME O SPIRITS!
    Rei [draws.]
    Rei wins!
    Rei: :D :D :D
    Usagi: You are such a hypocrite.
  • Episode 13:
    Ami: I'm sorry, Mars, but I do not want to be covered in flaming jet fuel before I'm eighteen. There's a blast radius on those things, you know.
  • First Recap: (regarding Rei) "Finally, I have been portraying her as Latina for absolutely no good reason at ALL."
  • Episode 14:
    O HORRORS!
    The fucking scariest bit of animation in the series to date. All seems to turn blood red, light and shadow twist inward upon each other. Rui screams in pain, her face a contorted mask of pain, her eyes roll up, and she collapses in a twitching heap. The dark energy swirling from her racket begins to coalesce, and then, terrifyingly, assumes the suggestion of a human form… and then abruptly is one.

  • Episode 15: Small running gag with poor Luna being in Usagi's arms during her small fit:
    Luna: [is still in Usagi's hands. Flail flail waaaaa-hey.]
    And still later...
    Luna: [is still in Usagi's hands. Flail flail waaaaa-hey I feel sick]
    • Ham!Rei.
    • The entire scene in its gloriousness:
    [Usagi is playing Captain Commando and getting schooled, Ami is backseat driving…]
    Ami: Want to play Street Fighter II for a bit?
    Usagi: I swear this will be the last quarter I drop on this machine.
    […and Rei is grilling Motoki about Mamoru.]
    Motoki: …and he lives by himself in a fancy loft apartment because he's the only son of a rich family. Can I get up now?
    Rei [stands on a chair.] By Crom, I vow that I, Rei, WILL take this– ¿what's his name?
    Motoki: Mamoru Chiba.
    Rei: ¡–Mamoru Chiba on a date! And oh such a date it will be. A date to grind all other dates into the dust. Why, I myself marvel at the sheer perfectitude of th–
    Rei [discovers that the chair had a loose leg.]
    Ami: What was that crash?
    Usagi: Me dying. Okay, last one, I swear.
    Rei: ¡My spine!
    • Ami: My friend Mister Gardener told me never to come to the park again or the squirrels would get me – no, seriously! – because 'humans are not worthy of the boons that nature provides.' I'm a little… disturbed.
    A few moments later...
    Corporate Flack: And see if you can do something about those carnivorous butterflies. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to throw this cigarette butt on the grass.
    [Squirrels kill the Corporate Flack.]
    [Cue shocked Ami and Luna]
    • The result of Rei entering the fray.
    Enter Rei!
    <REI : TECH > FIRE1 : ALL FRIENDS>>
    << Petasos Rope is destroyed! Ami is freed! >>
    << Ami is immune to fire. >>
    << Hand Flower is destroyed! Usagi is freed!>>
    << Usagi is now on fire. >>
    Usagi [stop, drop, and roll.] Dammit, Mars!
  • Episode 16: the scene at the temple
    • Ami and Luna arrives at the temple only to see Grandpa chasing Rei ('Grandpa displays a remarkable aptitude for catching teenage girls'); upon catching her, he retrieved the rental wedding kimono Rei had tried to 'borrow' and this scene ensures:
    Grandpa: You're not entering that shameless contest at the competition's secular wedding chapel, are you?
    Rei: …No, no, of course not.
    Grandpa: You're not eloping?! With this girl?!
    Rei: ¿What? No. Hell, no.
    Grandpa: Well, good. [changes gears.] Then she might be available…? [winks]
    Ami:
    Rei [smites Grandpa.]
  • Episode 17: "What was Alexander Graham Bell thinking?"
    • To elaborate in this scene, Usagi and Luna just had a discussion about the best use of the cell phone.
    Usagi: …For which the best possible use is to gossip with Ami!
    Luna: Stop wasting our precious Lunar bandwidth!
    Usagi: [dials] Hey, Ami, watcha doin'?
    Ami: [picks up] Studying.
    Usagi:
    Usagi: [hangs up]
    Luna: Now call up Rei. I want to hear her heckle you.
    Usagi: What was Alexander Graham Bell thinking?
    • Usagi: Wait, where was I hiding the brooch in this swimsuit?
    • "I turned left!"
  • Episode 19: Naru's got it really hard for Nephrite.
    • Which, of course, baffles Nephrite.
    LATE, LATE THAT NIGHT: The Shinjuku stores are starting to close.
    But one store suddenly opens.
    Naru [walks in.] Hello?
    Tuxedo Nephrite [dramatically.] HELLO!
    Naru [jumps for glee.] ZOMG it is you it is you! Masato Sanjoin is Tuxedo Mask!
    Nephrite: ?!?!?!
    Nephrite: How'd you know it was me?
    Naru: …Your voice? Your stance? Your beautiful flowing red hair? The fact that the mask doesn't really hide your lovely face all that much?
    Nephrite: Obviously you're Sailor Moon in disguise! No one else could be so perceptive!
    Nephrite [casts spell.] REVEAL YOURSELF, SAILOR MOON!

    Nothing happens.

    Nephrite: ?!
    Naru: …Do you… want me to be Sailor Moon for you?
  • Episode 20: The entire episode is one giant Scooby-Doo reference, complete with a "Treehouse of Horror" thrown in the end.
    • Ami, Rei, and Luna gangs up on Usagi.
    Rei [throws the ball at Usagi]
    Usagi [falls down.] OW!
    Ami [throws the ball at Usagi]
    Usagi [falls down.] OW!
    Luna [throws the ball at Usagi.]
    Usagi [falls down.] OW!
    Usagi: When did it become Pummel Usagi Week?
    • Ami: It's pronounced 'Shining', dear. You know, you remind me of how I was not so long ago, because you're all sad and by yourself. The best thing to do… well, okay, a good thing to do would be to become friends with Usagi. She'll cheer you right up! Or drive you slowly mad. But it's a fun ride, either way.
  • Episode 21:
    • AC Kazuko: …If you're practicing the facial expressions for the villain, you've got it down pat.
    • Soon after Hiromi announces that Sailor V will die in the last scene of the anime:
    AC Hiromi: "Dude… it's just a stupid anime. So what?"
    Rei: "I SENSE EVIL."
    Luna: "Are you sure it's not fan-rage?"
    • Nephrite: "Most powerful monsters" my perfectly-shaped ass.
    • The two youmas sprouting off the Team Rocket motto.
  • Episode 22: "You have been waiting, dying for the justification to say those words, haven't you?"
    • The above scene in question:
    Usagi: Hey, Luna, I've got a cunning plan.
    Luna: Those words have come to fill me with dread.
    Usagi: [disguise pen] MAKE ME A PRETTY PRINCESS!

    TADA! Usagi is now in a flouncy pink gown with roses and gloves and even a parasol.
    Luna: You have been waiting, dying for the justification to say those words, haven't you?
    Princess Usagi: Yup! /flounce flounce flutter
    • Also: "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww…"
    Nephrite: Well, that didn't go according to plan. Come back to life, my other self!

    Shadowjack: Wait, 'other self'? So, like, he was actually inside Naru while he was controlling her? Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww…
    • At the begining of the recap Shadowjack bets one quatloo that Umino will be Usagi's first kiss. Towards the end Tuxedo Mask kisses Usagi
      • And costs Shadowjack 1 quatloo.
      For which I shall now exact petty, petty revenge:
      CUT TO: A mist shrouded castle.
      Mysterious Figure: "Sorry, Mamoru, but the Princess is in another castle!"
      Tuxedo Mask /Italian. "At'sa no good!"
  • Episode 23: Regarding the MacGuffin
    Shadowjack as Narrator: I suppose this defenestrates the "Naru's Mom is actually Queen Beryl" theory, since why would Queen Beryl send people looking for something she already knew she had?

    Shadowjack as Narrator: Unless she was just being a dick.

    Shadowjack as Narrator: Which is a strong possibility.
  • Second Recap: The The Order of the Stick Shout-Out.
    • "I'm sorry, this has never happened to me before..." "You don't say!"
    • Kittens.
    • Battle School.
    • "HEAR ME, O STARS!"
  • Episode 25: Starts with:
    Usagi /trips over a Yakuza.
    Luna /reads that again. "Trips over a what?"
  • Episode 26: "O Lord, thou art fucking cruel."
  • Episode 27:
    • The water scene.
    Usagi and Ryo look across the way, and watch Ami playing four-square with Makoto and a couple of other girls. Good for Ami.
    Ryo: Well… it's not a crush crush, I mean… she's so much smarter… she'd never… and… well… I also happen to know that romantic relationships face an uphill road on this show.
    Usagi: [hearty slap on back] Nonsense! Why, I know just what you need…
    Ryo: Water.
    Usagi: Water?
    Janitor: [accidentally empties a bucket of water onto Usagi.]
    Ryo: Water.
    Usagi:
    • Rei: [to Makoto] ¿Can you pick up radio with that antenna?
  • Episode 28: Fate is a bitch.
    • Mamoru is reasonably certain he's "him." Usagi is absolutely positive she's not "her."
    • Usagi: Now that we're all done imagining each other naked…
    • The Mysterious Voice In The Bushes.
    • Zoisite has pronunciation issues.
      Yumemi Yumeno: "Whoa. Two beautiful men in my house in one day."
      Zoisite: "And now, Yumeme Yumimi–"
      Zoisite: "Yumemi Yumimini–"
      Zoisite: "Yuyumemiyu mi– yu– nonome– "
      Zoisite: "…"
      Zoisite: "Vena! I call you forth!"
    • A quick comparison of the Sailors' powers and their opinions on them:
      Usagi: "What did I miss?"
      Rei: "I was doing some pretty wicked Dragon Slave action earlier."
      Usagi: "Yeah?"
      Rei: "Yeah. Out of mana now, though."
      < MAKOTO : TECH > THUNDERGA : VENA >
      Rei: "She's been doing that, too, all over. Pretty good."
      Usagi: "Where's Ami?"
      Usagi: "Oh, right."
  • Episode 29: The er... dramatization... of the apartment cleaning scene.
    • The above scene:
    Makoto: Good GOD is it a mess in here. I've got my work cut out for me. Can't cook in a messy apartment!
    Motoki: Really, you don't have to–
    JUPITER POWER MAKE-UP!
    < MAKOTO : TECH > THUNDER 1 : APARTMENT MESS >
    << Apartment Mess is slain! >>
    • Followed by an uprooted tree.
    Makoto: [exercises enormous restraint and only punches the tree beside Usagi, instead of Usagi.]
    Luna: [looks at the uprooted tree and howls.]
    Makoto: Sorry! [picks up the tree and replants it.]
    • Shadowjack as Narrator: Incidentally, what does it say when one of the more stable relationships in the show seems to be two of the villains? But of course, you say, that's because most of the cast are teenagers! Good point. Never mind.
    • Usagi lets Makoto go.
    Usagi: Yes I do! Ah, Motoki…
    Usagi: [is swept up in a glorious sensurround daydream of Motoki proposing to Usagi.]
    Usagi: [holds her crush close.]
    Usagi: [closes her eyes.]
    Usagi: [moves in for the kiss. Closer. Closer.]
    Makoto: You're just vividly fantasizing about Motoki, right?
    Usagi: Motoki who? Oh! Sorry. [lets Makoto go.]
  • Episode 30: Yuichiro meets Rei and her Grandpa.
    Stoner: [waking up] Duuuuuuuude, what's with all the noise, man?
    Stoner: [sees Rei and is instantly smitten.]
    Stoner: ZOMG REI!
    Rei: [smack!] ¡Wrong show!
    Stoner: [bows to Gramps.] I am Yuichiro Kumada! Please make me your apprentice so I can bone your shrine maiden!
    Gramps: A man after my own heart! I accept.
    • Usagi: Uh, guys? Are you sure that leaving me unsupervised is a good idea? (Followed by Usagi giggling evilly.)
    • Usagi breaks script.
    Usagi: [is spying on Rei and Yuichiro] Okay, how can I break this up?
    Luna: You're not going to play Cupid? The script says that you try to get them together–
    Usagi: To hell with the script. She's mine.
    Usagi: [brandishes the Disguise Pen.]
    Luna: In the immortal words of the inimitable Will Smith: AW HELL NO!
    Usagi: Great Justice can suck it! MAKE ME A FORTUNE-TELLER OF LOVE!
    • Yuichiro of the Jungle.
    Stoner is training! Swinging on ropes like Tarzan!
    Stoner: Yui, Yui, Yuichiro Kumada, strong as I can be! Yui, Yui, Yuichiro Kumada–
    Phobos and Deimos: Watch out for that tree!
    CRASH!
    Stoner: [undaunted.] Yoiks! And awaaaaayyyy…
    • < REI : SUMMON > SUSANO : JIJII >
    Rei: [running.] ¡If only there was some way that we could immobilize him!
    Usagi: [running.] If only!
    Luna: [running.] Damn it, Rei, it's your own frikkin' shrine!
    Rei: [running.] Oh, yeah.
    < REI : SUMMON > SUSANO : JIJII >
  • The first write-up for episode 31.
  • Also, the second (actual) write-up. All of it. Highlights:
    • Shame on the readers.
    Luna: [running.] "Oh no, it's the Time. No doubt about it! It's a red full moon!"
    Luna: [pauses to look at camera]. And if any of you caught that obscure reference, I know what you like to read. And aren't you ashamed?
    • Foreplay.
    The other cats retreat. All but one.

    Luna: Why the hell are you chewing on my tail?
    Riff-Raff: Foreplay?
    Riff-Raff: Let's get started!
    MEANWHILE, BACK IN LENG:
    Zoisite: [is watching.] Okay, a little girl. This should go smoothly; I foresee no difficulties.
    Zoisite:
    Zoisite: What am I saying? [puts on body armor.]
    • Narrative: A PARK AND A POND: Let us marvel at the sight of Ami dressed in coordinated colors.
    • The way Shadowjack describes the manhole scene.
    Rhett Butler reveals that he is, in fact, a big, fact, green, ugly, sluggard sumotori cat, and with superior moves, performs a daring last minute SAVE! upon Luna.

    • To anyone who's actually watched the series, the conspicuous absence of a certain event in an alley. Especially since Shadowjack ships Ami/Makoto.
    • ALL HAIL ZOISITE, QUEEN OF THE RATS!!!
    The rats surround the two cats, then coalesce into a terrifying, vaguely humanoid form. Then Zoisite's face pokes out.
    Luna: AAAGH! They're taunting us with his decapitated head!
    Zoisite: Better than that! I am now the Queen of the Rats!
    < REI : TECH > DRAGONSLAVE : RATICITE>
    << Rats are slain! >>
    Zoisite: Uneasy rests the crown.
  • Episode 32: Usagi displays political savvy. Followed by a Girl Genius Shout-Out.
    • Regarding stalkers:
    Naru: Someone is following us.
    Usagi: Oh, that's just the Tokyo Radio Tower. I made the mistake of feeding it once, and now it comes sniffing for treats every time it sees me.
    Zoisite: [looking in mirror.] Do you think I'd look good with glasses?
    Kunzite: [looks up from the newspaper.] Why, do you think you need them?
    Zoisite: …I might.
    • Tux takes legal action.
    Suddenly! A +3 blessed throwing rose interrupts the conversation. A letter is wrapped around it.
    Umino: [reads the letter.] "…It's a Cease-and-Desist Order. It says if I keep using the 'Tuxedo Umino Mask' persona and claiming Tuxedo Mask's actions as my own, I will be knowingly infringing upon Tuxedo Mask's trademark and therefore subject to legal sanction. …Well, so much for that." [throws away the hat and cloak.]
  • Episode 33: Beryl has complaints about "Tuxedo Mask" as a moniker.
    Queen Beryl: Tuxedo Who?
    Zoisite: A code name assigned from traffic analysis of–
    Queen Beryl: That's not a name, that's just a description of what he's wearing.
    Zoisite: Indeed, Your Majesty. Now, his past behavior suggests that we can reliably draw him out of hiding and–
    Queen Beryl: By that logic, you're Uniform Ponytail and I'm Slinky Dress Crown.
    • Licensing fees.
    Luna: [suddenly.] Hey, Usagi, what do you think of all this?
    Usagi: Whoever [the fake Sailor Moon] is, she owes me licensing fees!
    Usagi: I am sick to death of this light bondage theme, and it's just as bad to see you guys doing it to someone who looks like me! For goodness sake, talk about voyeurism by proxy. You have terrible taste, sir, and you should be ashamed! I AM SAILOR MOON!
    Ami: Likewise, except for the voyeurism complaint! Sailor Mercury!
    Rei: Likewise, Sail— ¿What?
    Makoto: And I'm Sailor Jupiter!
    Venus: [says nothing, and keeps smiling.]

    Beat.

    Long beat.

    Usagi: (sotto voce) Does she speak?
    Ami: (sotto voce) Maybe she's mute.
    Rei: (sotto voce) Maybe she's dumb.
    Makoto: (sotto voce) Maybe she doesn't speak Japanese? I'm trying to be charitable, here.

    Venus: [keeps smiling. It's getting kind of scary now.]
  • Episode 34: Rei's impression of Sailor Venus.
    Rei: ¿Did [Venus] seem a bit… spacey, to any of you?
    Usagi: SHE WAS SO COOL. I need to get her autograph.
    Rei: ¡Caramba, there's two of them!
    • Minako introduces herself.
    Venus/Minako: Oh, gosh, did I forget to introduce myself last night? I'm Minako Aino, but my friends call me Sailor Venus.
    Minako/Venus: …Strike that. Reverse it. Carry on.
  • Episode 35: Shadowjack's description of the glimpse of Silver Millennium.
    CUE FLASHBACK of a time of sunlight and rose petals. Ah, late-1980s anime fantasy, when women were real women, and men wore MASSIVE ECCENTRIC PAULDRONS and capes. And Princess Serenity did bestowwe upon Sir Endymion her knyght the starre-shaped locket which sang. And upon that night when the castle was besieged and in flames did he draw blade and fly to battyle, and she did weep to know she would never in this life see him agayne.
    • Usagi is starting to accept her identity as the Moon Princess.
    Usagi: Then I have a request for impossibility number one: figuring out how to rescue—from another dimension—the princess! That is to say, prince!
    Matoko: Before breakfast?
    Usagi: Let's not talk crazy talk, here. As my first royal act, I declare you First Minister of Pancakes.
  • Third recap: Usagi's responsibility rant.
  • Episode 36: Tripping, spectacularly.
    Luna: Ami, remember how often she used to trip over her own feet?
    Artemis: Did she now?
    Ami: Yes…
    Luna: Now she's started tripping while standing still.
    • SEVERAL MINUTES OF CARNAGE ENSUE.
    Usagi discovers that practically everything in here has been or can be weaponized. The demon burns stuff with the hair-dryer, Usagi throws exploding face powder, the demon cuts up the room with the scissor cannon, Usagi counters with nerve gas shampoo…

    It's a good thing everyone else is slumped unconscious on the floor, safely out of the way.
    • Mamoru tries to catch Usagi. The demon (BHDD is short for Bad Hair Day Demon) isn't helping.
    Usagi: Oh, cripes! [flees.]

    LONG SHOT OF THE CITY AT NIGHT:
    Progressing across the city in a meandering line: Explosions, secondary explosions, screams, power poles knocked over, car alarms…
    Usagi: [running.] I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL!
    Mamoru: [chasing.] I thought trying a dozen demons at once would hurry things, but I guess not.
    BHDD: [chasing.] Chainsaw!
  • Episode 37: Kunzite's got some strong weed.
    • Mamoru saves Usagi… sort of.
    < REI : TECH > FIRE 2 : CLAMSHELL >
    << Clamshell Merlady casts Wax Off! Fire 2 nullified! >>
    < MINAKO : TECH > CREST BEAM : CLAMSHELL >
    << Clamshell Merlady casts Wax Off! Crest Beam nullified! >>
    Usagi: I get the feeling mine won't work either. Figures I'd pick the wrong three for the party. See you on the other side of the save point, guys.

    SUDDENLY! Enter Tuxedo Mask, dramatically, armed with +3 unholy throwing roses.
    Usagi: Yes! Hey, did you switch sides again?
  • Episode 38: The introduction.
    Usagi: A girl's not supposed to let her hips get cold, you know!
    Shadowjack: (spit-take.)
    • Mamoru wasn't impressed with Kunzite's plan.
    Kunzite: They are a girly bunch. They are certain to come to this event. And then—WHAM!
    Mamoru: That's your plan? 'They are girly—WHAM!' That's your plan?
    Kunzite: [dramatic cloak maneuver.] What?
    • Narrative: AMI CAN SKI WHILE READING.
    Usagi: How…?
    Ami: Mistress of Waters, remember, and what is snow but powdered water? Besides, I've read this book before.
    • Usagi: …It's not a good reason, but it's a reason.
    Usagi: Oh. My. God. Emi Kawabata is here. Diann Roffe. Petra Kronberger! I am so fucking out of my depth. Why am I here?
    Rei: [stretching exercises in tight ski pants.]
    Usagi: …It's not a good reason, but it's a reason.
    Rei: Oh, you know, the usual happened. Usagi messed up stuff, I got us out of it.
    Usagi: No, no, no! There was frank talk, and heartwarming moments, and we reaffirmed our friendship with each other, remember?
    Rei:
    Usagi:
    Rei: ¡I scrunch you up and toss you away! ¡Like tissue!
    Usagi: [cries.]
  • Episode 39: Ami makes a list.
    Ami: No, he can't. You said he looked just like Crane Game Joe, and Sergei Grinkov looks nothing like Crane Game Joe.
    Makoto: But the way he wears his hair! It's just the same!
    Ami: [takes notes.] Okay, looks like Crane Game Joe, sounds like Motoki the Video Arcade Operator, hair like Sergei Grinkov…
    • Triple Sasha.
    Usagi: [steps out onto the ice…]
    Usagi: [triple Sasha!]
    Usagi: [cries.]
    • Shadowjack's descriptions are made of win:
    HE! Looks like an evil vampire!
    SHE! Looks like an evil robot!
    TOGETHER: They skate!
  • Episode 40: "USAAAAAGIIIIIIIII!" (Luna figures out Usagi has ditched her.)
    • "A LITTLE RED HONDA:" The whole section.
    • Usagi knows her horror-movie cliches.
    Usagi: Here, monster! Good monster!
    Lamia: ?
    Usagi: Look, I've got some nice campers for you to eat! See, I think they're having unprotected teen sex. Oh, no! One of them's doing drugs, too!
    Rei: Sorry, bello, but phantoms fall in my domain.
    < REI : TECH > EXORCISM : LAMIA >
    << Lamia is stunned and confused! >>
    < REI : TECH > DRAGONSLAVE : LAMIA >
    << Lamia is stunned, confused, and on fire! >>
    << The forest is on fire, too! >>
    Usagi: Sigh. Rei.
    Rei: ¿What?
  • Episode 41: Ami narrates her life to herself, Black Lagoon style.
    • Minako has some… ideas on what "playing" is.
    Usagi: The ending of this manga is so sad—
    Rei: ¡You're reading my comics again without permission! ¡You'll make them dirty with your tears! [tackles Usagi.]
    Wrestling ensues. Rei fights dirty.
    Luna: They say the children are our future.
    Artemis: Eeesh…
    Minako: Do you think they'd let me play, too, if I asked nicely?
    Rei: ¡Now you're bleeding on them!
    Artemis: They're not playing.
    Minako: Usagi! Lead with your left! Wait, they're not?
    • Ami sucks at insults. Extra-funny because it was present in the original.
    Ami: You— Guh— Son-of— Rrngh— GAH! TAKE A COLD SHOWER!
  • Episode 42: Usagi really needs to learn to take smaller bites.
    Usagi: [talking with mouth full.] Well I can't sleep if you're talking to me.
    Luna: [sigh.]
    Artemis: [jumps through the window in a blind panic, knocking Usagi over.]
    Usagi: [chokes to death and dies.]
    Artemis: [ignores her.]
    • Queen Beryl had different expectations than Kunzite...
    Kunzite: I've found somebody who knows Sailor V's true identity! A woman in one of their planetary police forces—
    Queen Beryl: Interpol! Chun-li! You've suborned Chun-Li! Awesome!
    Kunzite: Er… no?
    Queen Beryl: Oh.
  • Episode 43: Rei accidentally hits the entire team with her spell.
    Rei: ¡In the name of Mars, I will chastise you!
    < REI : TECH > HOTFOOT : ALL >
    Rei: ¿'All'? Oops.
    Everyone else is dancing on flames and shouting in pain and surprise.
    Rei: Sorry, my finger slipped…
    • The joke that Queen Beryl is Naru's mother continues.
    Narrative: OSAKA JEWELRY: Burglar alarm!
    Naru and Naru's Mom burst in, armed! "Stop, thief!"
    Burglar is Bandana!
    Bandana: [uses ninja stars to pin the two women to the wall.]
    Naru's Mom: [apparently faints.]
    Naru: Mom, is this another test?
    • Continuing the above joke…
    Usagi: Sorry about that. I completely forgot your mom was also nailed to the wall. I was so flustered…
    Naru: No, it's fine. Staying up there all night serves her right, anyway. She wanted me to take on that ninja by myself, as some sort of training to carry on the family honor or something.
    Usagi: You don't have an appointment! You'll have to wait until I finish my interview.
    Kunzite: There's not going to be any— You know what? Go ahead.
    Usagi: [turns to Bandana.] Okay, shoot.
    Usagi: [turns to Kunzite.] I'm all yours!
  • Fourth recap: photo album.
  • Episode 45: Usagi tries to spend a final moment with her family...
    Narrative: USAGI'S LAST MEAL: My God! Usagi makes a bigger kitchen mess than my brother.
    Mom: Did you have to use every utensil in the kitchen?
    Shingo: Is this curry rice? It doesn't look like curry rice.
    Dad: Now, now, Usagi is trying to learn how, and I'm sure it'll be perfectly… edible.
    Usagi: Of course it will! Everyone, dig in!

    Beat.

    Usagi: All right, all right, I'll take the first bite. [om nom nom]
    Usagi: [nom nom]
    Usagi: [nom]
    Usagi: [um]
    Usagi:
    Shingo: She's weeping.
    Dad: Because it tastes so good?
    Usagi:
    Shingo: [Nelson HAW HAW]
    Mom: I'll order pizza.
    Dad: I'll get the mop.
    Luna: No.
    Ami: What?
    Luna: No.
    Artemis: You are not bringing that.
    Ami: Come on!
    Artemis: It is not lady-like.
    Ami: Colt made pistols for ladies! That's why it's called an 'equalizer.'
  • Episode 46: Usagi finally meets Queen Beryl.
    Narrative:USAGI IS TELEPORTED INSIDE!
    …and falls plop on her ass!
    Queen Beryl: Welcome, Princess! You have done well to come this far.
    Usagi: [stands up, rubs behind.] And thank you for the swift if undignified transportation.
    • Rei's Gramps is at it again.
    Hikawa Shrine:
    Gramps: Why hello there young ladies! Playing hookie today?
    Rei: ¡PAPI! [broom action.] ¡Back to work! Sorry, girls. ¡Back! ¡Back, I say!
    • The money Artemis has saved over Sailor V merchandise is mostly gone… but not all.
    Luna: Good. …Say, Artemis. This time loop reset forwards and backwards, right? So in this timeline, you never started Project V?
    Artemis: It seems so, since Minako is here, rather than in Europe, or over in— Oh, dear. All that effort evaporated; inventing the games, merchandising them, getting them in the stores by Christmas…
    Luna: So you never spent the seed money then?
    Artemis: Yes, I suppose the Swiss account is still there. I say, where are you going?
    Luna: I'm gonna go place me some hot stock picks and place a few clever bets, and make me a fat little nest egg.
    Artemis: I— Here now! Luna! That money's only supposed to be for Great Justice!
    Luna: Sorry, I can't hear you! I've been taking lessons from the master!
    Artemis: Luna! Come back here this instant!
    Luna: [uses the Disguise Pen] 'Make me into a cute houseowner!' No alleys for this little black cat!
    Artemis: LUUUUNAAAAA!!!
  • Illustrated epilogue: "Why do I have this sudden feeling of dread?
    • "Pet, I'm trying to work, and if you try to tell me again your theory that I was kidnapped by aliens, there will be consequences."
    • Return of Plumber!Mamoru.
    • Shadowjack: Yeah, I see you ignoring me, there. CATS!

    Sailor Moon R 
  • Episode 47: "Let's see, Usagi's late for school, so it must be… 8:12 a.m."
    • Artemis reminds us why tomcats have their... particular... reputation.
    Artemis: You know, we've known each other a long time, worked very closely—
    Luna: —If you don't want to limp for the rest of your days, withdraw that paw, sir.
    • Ami visiting Usagi while she's standing in the hall:
    Ms. Haruna: Miss Mizuno, you are certain to come to a bad end if you become involved with Miss Tsukino.
    Usagi: [accidentally falls over and drenches the teacher with the bucket.]
    Ms. Haruna: 'ACCIDENTALLY'?
    Usagi: You know I'm clumsy!
    Ms. Haruna: [explodes.]
    Ami: …I don't recognize half of those words she's using.
    Usagi: See? Hanging out with me is educational.
    • One potential problem of having a long gap between battles against evil:
    Luna: …Please tell me you didn't forget the words.
    Usagi: I KNOW THE WORDS!
    Luna: Then say—
    Usagi: Don't rush me! I'll say them when I'm ready!
  • Episode 48: Mysteriously, Naru still remembers the 'other' timeline…
    Usagi: WHOA! You actually got talent scouted?! You should be thrilled!
    Naru: I am, I am… well, I would be, but… well…
    Usagi: Wa-wa-wait. It's not 'Ackbar's Perfectly Safe Talent Casting Agency', is it?
    Naru: Aha! Good! We're on the same page, here. No, it isn't, but I'm still a little worried, you know?
    Usagi: Want me to come along?
    Naru: Would you please?
    Usagi: No problem. …But hold on a minute. How come you still have memories of the Ackbar routine? I thought—
    Naru: Shhh. [winks]
    • The Senshi found each other somehow familiar. Ami has a theory on why.
    Rei: …¿Have we met?
    Ami: …I… I don't think so.
    Minako: We must have met somewhere before. Same class or something.

    Ami: 'You all meet in a tavern.'
    Minako: Ha! Everyone watch out for a mysterious old man with a map.
    • Running on instinct when you have amnesia can produce some interesting side effects:
    Rei: ¡Typical! ¡Estupida! Looks like I'll just have to— Uh, to…
    Ami: …to shoot the monster with your imaginary index finger pistol? What are you doing, Miss Hino?
  • Fifth recap: Last item on Usagi's "Signature Moves" list
    • "STOP HER!"
    • "Worse? Or better?
  • Episode 49: Ami's first Face Palm of the season. (That didn't take long.)
    Makoto: Come on, Usagi, you know she's a straight-arrow about these things.
    Usagi: Then why did you come along with me, Mako?
    Makoto: Because if she did play against type for once, why should you be the only one to benefit?
    Ami: [facepalm.]
    • The first half of MEANWHILE, OVER WITH THE SERIOUS PEOPLE.
    Makoto: I'll be fine. You two go home and study for that test…
    Ami: Don't worry about me. I study every day, I can miss a little and still be safe.
    Usagi: Don't worry about me. I'm doomed whether I study or not.
    Ami: [glare.]
    Usagi: What?
    • Rei's a tad scared of Makoto being around her house…
    Makoto: [slams fist into a support beam, making the entire building shudder.] Whoever it is I WILL BRING THEM DOWN WITH MY BARE HANDS!
    Rei: ¡Okay! ¡Okay! ¡Just so long as you don't bring down my house with your bare hands!
    • Makoto takes down the cardian (and accidentally hitting Usagi in the process), and we get this…
    AFTERMATH
    Makoto: [sinks to her knees, on the cool grass.]
    Usagi: [limps over to her, smoldering slightly.]
    Makoto: [sniffs air.] …Is that you burning?
    Usagi: I think you broke my samoflange.
    Makoto: What the heck is a samoflange?
    Usagi: I dunno, but you definitely broke it.
  • Episode 50: Usagi's Saturday morning began off poorly…
    Usagi's Mom: [violently flips Usagi's mattress into the air and heaves it against the wall.]
    Usagi: [was still on the mattress.] AAAAUUUUUGH!
    Luna: [streaks for cover.]
    Usagi: It's Saturday! No school!
    Mom: All the more reason for you to GO OUTSIDE AND ENJOY IT! Get outta here!
    Usagi: [curls up on Luna's cat bed instead.]
    Luna: Oi. What did I tell you about using my things? [flexes claws.]
    Usagi: Getting dressed and going outside right now.
    • Usagi, apparently still in a bad mood, takes it out on Luna…
    Usagi: So you're paying, right?
    Luna: …nonsense! Who ever heard of a cat with a bank account? ACK! Put me down!
    Usagi: [holds Luna upside-down and shakes her.] All right, you cat, you. Trying to pretend I don't know about these things. I pay attention more than you think. I bet you actually do know a way to get my true love's memory back, and are holding it back because you think it'll build character, or something.
    Luna: Put me down!
    Usagi: TALK, damn you, TALK! Pay no attention, folks, the cat owes me money. TALK!
    • Followed by:
    Luna: …I have got to find a way to direct that energy towards work. Maybe if I awarded a score for each youma, and let her kiss a boy as a prize?
    • Narrative: Mamoru and Ali notice that they're both good shots. SUDDENLY TESTOSTERONE!
    • Usagi is a lot like her dad…
    Dad: [keeps running.]
    Dad: [looks back, trips.]
    Usagi: [just rounded the corner.] Oh, so that's where I get it from.
    • Usagi's mom wasn't too happy with her husband and son…
    Mom: [cleans and bandages the injuries of Dad and Shingo, using stinging antiseptic and tight vicious YANKS on the bandages.] THAT'S what you get from leaving me at home and running off to have fun.
  • Episode 51: The way Shadowjack described the scene of Naru zipping Umino up in his bag.
    Naru: [reaches her hand out, and gently, lovingly…]
    Naru: […zips up the bag all the way, completely trapping Umino inside.]
    • Naru really takes after her mom.
    Umino: [finally has been released.] Why'd you do that?!
    Naru: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I had this sudden, instinctive urge to lock you away from everyone else so that no one else could ever have you. Ever. They laughed at me at the elementary school, BUT SOON, SOON, I SHALL SHOW TH—
    Usagi: Easy there!
    Naru: Heh. Whoops. Mom gets like that sometimes, I guess it runs in the family.
    Usagi: Seems like it practically gallops!
    • Naru (and Umino) really shines in this episode.
    Naru: [blushes, then tries to cover by getting angry.] Don't you ever feel embarrassed by what you say?
    Umino: No, because I never say anything that isn't true.
    Naru: Heh. But, look, there's tact, and propriety, and public appearance. There's a time to talk of love, and there's a time to talk of TREE!
    Umino: Tree?

    Narrative: An evil cherry tree ambushes them and sucks them into a pool of light.
    • What is the Realm of Dead like? According to Usagi…
    Usagi: Besides, I was only mostly dead.
    Mina: What was it like?
    Usagi: Pink.
  • Episode 52: CUE NARRATION, Doyle-style.
    • CUT TO: USAGI AT SCHOOL
    Usagi: I'm beginning to think that Ms. Haruna has it in for me. I wonder if Mina made it? Ah, of course she did. She's V.

    Minako: I have to hold how many buckets of water?
    • Usagi's a bit lost on what the mission is…
    Rei: Good luck, Usagi. And please put my manga down.
    Usagi: [wasn't listening.] Wait, what?
    Mako: She's perfect for the job of infiltrating a kindergarten.
    Usagi: Wait, what? Kindergarten?
    Ami: You do have the only disguise pen.
    Usagi: Wait, infiltrating—? Are there guards at this kindergarten?! What?
    • The little girl Mie is slightly let down by Sailor Moon.
    Narrative: Usagi is sent flying through the doors of the bus to a hard and painful fall onto the asphalt.
    Little Mie: Yep. She's Sailor Moon all right.
    Usagi: [groans.] …my number one fan…
    • Sometimes Minako isn't the brightest cookie.
    Usagi: [conducts the kids in singing] …deep enough, and strong enough, believe in you…
    Moonlight Knight: [talks a little louder to be heard.] —then you can believe in yourself. Beside you is a powerful force! [he gestures at the kids.]
    Mina: …You want me to throw the kids at the monster?!
  • Episode 53: Narrative: Let us feel some pity for Amaterasu's younger sister, who wasn't cool enough to gain the worship of an entire nation, but instead must bother babies for a couple of renegade space-elves.
    • Ali and En are thrilled with their new strategy.
    Ali: FUCK YEAH, kicking babies!
    En: Let's do it AGAIN!
    Ali: But we've gotta be careful. Don't know when those 'Sailors' will show up again to ruin our sick and twisted fun.
    En: I think for the next one we should snort cocaine off of the babies' bellies, and then drain them of their energy.
    • Usagi and kitchens doesn't get along.
    Usagi: Baby formula, in the bag! Off to the kitchen! Usagi has got it under control!

    Several minutes pass, with progressively worse noises coming from the kitchen. After the fire alarm goes off…

    Mamoru: Do you want help?
    Usagi: No! No! I finally got it. Kitchens are not my friend.
  • Episode 54: Minako and Makoto has been hired at the Shrine.
    Mako: They're so good, that no matter how many times my heart has been broken, I found a new boyfriend every single time! That's right! I'm not only the spokeswoman, I'm also a member!
    Mina: And she's had a lot of bad break-ups, folks, so you know she's put them to the test! Come one, come all!
    Gramps: …I'm not sure if I communicated the sales pitch clearly. The idea is that the amulets lead to relationships that don't break up.
    Mina: [is raking in the cash, hand over fist.] What wassat?
    Gramps: [confuzzled.] …And yet they're buying them anyway?
    Mina: One should never underestimate the ability of a woman to delude herself.
    • Usagi screws around with Ami.
    Usagi: 'TA'? 'TA Academy'? I is going to ta academy where I learns ta writing and ta maths from ta teachers. It's Engrish for 'teh'!
    Ami: I am concentrating now on killing you with my mind. Do you feel anything?
    Usagi: …Hunger?
    Ami: Ah, so close.
    • Grandpa Hino doesn't go down easy.
    Siren: [bursts in, magically.]
    Siren: [swims through the air and scatters gold dust over the puzzled crowd.]
    Stagehand: This wasn't in rehearsals—
    Artemis: HARD COVER!
    Usagi, Mina, Mako, Ami, Luna, and Artemis: [dive under their seats.]
    Everyone else is knocked out by the dust.
    Gramps: Hey, baby, wanna be a shrine maiden?
    Everyone else is knocked out by the dust.
    Gramps: [is down, too.]
  • Episode 55: En is awfully possessive of Ali.
    En: Leave my… brother alone!
    Mako: A sister shouldn't be jealous of her brother!
    En: Says you! I will CUT you!
    Mako: [takes the knife away.] Seventh-graders shouldn't play with knives.
    • Usagi sometimes could be a little bit slow…
    Luna: Ami, get Makoto to cover!
    Ami: Right! [dashes off.]
    Usagi: And me?
    Luna:
    Luna: [very small words.] Transform. And. F—
    Usagi: Oh. Rightrightrightrightright. The usual.
    • Ami: Don't mind me! I'm only saving someone's life over here! I don't need a transformation sequence! It's okay! Really!
    • Usagi's used to being tied up by villains.
    Ami: Blast! Can't move my arms…
    Usagi: Just relax and wait. I think I'm getting used to this.
    << Utonberino casts Throwing Ball of Yarn! >>
    Ami: The what?
    Utonberino: [wraps Ami and Usagi in more thread, making a ball, then flings the ball high into the air…]
    Ami: AAAAAAAHHHHH!
    Usagi: AAAAAAAHHHHH!
    Utonberino: […and into the park fountain.]
    Usagi: [woozy.] At least that was different…
  • Episode 56: Shadowjack is confused by the Batman reference.
    WTF
    No, really, they do the 60s Batman thing, sort of, only with Luna's head.
    • En prays at the Shrine.
    En, still as 'Natsumi': (out loud) Please make this play a success!
    En: (inwardly) Hear me, O alien gods of this world! May I be able to steal a kiss from Mamoru's lips. Iä! Iä! Amen.
    • Usagi isn't happy being the witch.
    En, as 'Natsumi', as 'Snow White': Come on, they look good on you. And Miss Tsukino makes such a perfect witch!
    Usagi: EVIL EYE! EVIL EYE!
    SAILOR MOON:
    There is a special place in Hell reserved
    for those who disrupt theatrical performances!
    Let me send you there!
  • Episode 57: Ami remembers Ms. Haruna's warning from episode 47.
    Usagi: [running.] OMG I'M LAAAAAA—
    Mako: [running.] —AAAAAAAAAAAA—
    Ami: [running.] —AAAAAAAAAAATE!!!
    Ami: Your homeroom teacher was right! Your problems are rubbing off on me!
    Usagi: SHUT UP AND RUN, AMI!
    • Epic fumble.
    Ms. Haruna: Check. Tsukino? Tsukin—?
    Usagi: [bursts in, dramatically.] LAAAAAAAAAAATE!
    Usagi: [trip CRASH]
    Usagi: Bolter! Bolter! Mayday! Pilot in the drink! Mayday!
    Usagi: [bucket SPLASH wham CLATTER WHOOPS! foosh BLAM bam crash]
    Usagi: [roll roll roll roll roll roll…]
    Usagi: [dink]
    Ms. Haruna:
    • Usagi beats up Natsumi. Accidentally.
    • Ali crossed the line with the ducks.
    Ami: First attempted murder, then animal molestation!
    Ali: The ducks are not my fault!
    Mako: It's not even duck season! We're bringing you in.
  • Episode 58: Horses.
    • Yamandakka is competent... but she's still just the help.
    • "…I can never predict what you've read or not."
    • "Oh, random Evangelion reference, how I've missed you."
    • Mako is annoyed. This culminates in a small-text rant.
    • Usagi speculates about what's behind the door.
    • "That was no human bee."
    • "Great."
    • Rei: Wait. ¿What?
    • "Since when are trees immune to lightning?!"
  • Episode 59: "…Yes, Mercury, we really wanted to see that clearly."
    • Ami proves she's insane, by Albert Einstein's definition.
    • Moonlight Knight: Okay, I confess that he also enjoys the superheroic dialogue and spectacle—much as you do, I suspect—and my existence lets him exercise that desire. And being a mere projection of the subconscious, I am unrestrained by human qualities such as common sense. (bows.)
  • Sixth Recap: To start off, a picture of the Harem Comedy Mamoru's life became during the Doomtree Arc, mostly because of Makoto. Who is obviously joining in just for the hell of it.
  • Episode 60: "I admit I'm feeling slightly nervous. The last time I had a date in a boat, killer squirrels attacked."
  • Episode 61: Renaming
    • Followed by confusion and flashbacks.
    • "I suspect if you bring a handsome man home sometime, yes."
    • The Men In Black Shout-Out.
    • Entrance Exams.
    • Usagi's sheer glee at having a monster fight to distract her from her personal troubles. With illustrations to boot!
    • "…I suppose I can give it a try by myself."
  • Episode 62: "Wait, what? Did I miss some new slang, or do you actually mean, like, sewing?"
    • Biomechatronics.
    • "All of them."
    • "Artemis, have I ever let you down?" "Frequently."
      • Followed by Minako's fear.
    • Chibi-Usa: (edges away from Ami like she's a crazy person because she IS.)
    • "I think we know our way around, right, Rei?"
    • Ammo difficulties.
    • "…parries a blizzard?"
      • Followed by
    Makoto: Mercury, you just kicked a tremendous quantity of purest-quality ass, but I'm obligated to inform you that you still run like a girl.
    Ami: How else should I run, Jupiter?
    Makoto: Like a woman.
  • Episode 63: "…As high priestess, I must inform you that if you become a pimp, I am kicking you out."
    • Rei gets Distracted by the Sexy... I think.
    • "…you're not exactly the target audience, honey, but at this point I'll take anyone just to justify the project."
    • "And also I'm a little worried he might be going senile, and I don't know how I'd cope with that. He's pretty old, you know."
    • "…Stop the room, I want to get off…"
    • Facepalm
    Rei: "I SENSE EVIL."
    Usagi: "Really? Wh—?"
    Chibi-Usa /materializes, in exercise outfit. "Hello!"
    Usagi: "…"
    Usagi: "Too easy."
  • Episode 64: "…being held by you isn't quite enough to get me excited."
  • Episode 65: "Oh, I bet they don't quit."
    • "I thought you were over using magical cheats to get love and good grades?"
    • "Five motes on the tall drink of water to win."
    • Pet names.
    • "Try to think like they would."
    • "…Petz, honey. Are we talkin' about them, or you?"
    • "I cannot see, due to this cloud. I will search using touch."
    • "EWWWWWWWW! The monster's all sticky!"
    • "…Petz, dear, you have issues."
    • DIGRESSION
    • "…I leave the room for five minutes—"
    • "I'm sorry, Rei, that was incredibly immature of me, and disrespectful to you. And furthermore sets a bad example for Chibi-Usa."
  • Episode 66: How to handle kittens.
    • Nine black birds.
    • "Okay, hit me."
    • "PUT THE KNIFE! THE KNIFE DOWN!"
    • They are wearing stupid hats. They have a booth babe. Neither will admit whose idea any of this was.
    • "Have you no respect for law and order?"
    • Rei. Supermarket. Awkwardness.
    • "Oh no! Not a Peeled Lichee Bomb, deadliest of all exploding fruits!"
    • "Oh, we left sense behind long ago, honey!"
    • AFTERMATH
    • "Ami, let me run this theory past you: The bad guys are space communists."
  • Episode 67: "I had to ask Yamandakka, and she can only speak two words. One of them is 'Yamandakka' and the other one isn't."
    • Makoto: (is nowhere to be seen…)
    • "…Rei, I don't like your family's ways of saving money!"
    • "…That's not an explanation!"
    • "Mars! Fire is your thing. Talk to the volcano."
    • "…I make mistakes sometimes. Don't let Chibi-Usa see this."
  • Episode 68: "I dream of a wedding and the universe dumps piss on me. Thank you, O Gods, for your refreshing opinion of my hopes and wishes."
    • Puppy-training tactics.
    • Berthier injures her spine... multiple times... in quick succession. Methods:
      • Falling down the stairs (ow).
      • Getting trod upon by Chibi-Usa (oof).
      • Getting trod upon by Koan. Who is taller than Makoto (OUCH).
  • Episode 69: Ami has a twisted sense of fun that can only be appeased by cats and ice cream.
    • Minako: Look, as her seneschal, I have a duty to see that the royal line is preserved, and more importantly I wanna be a flower girl.
    • "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Mostly because of who says it.
    • Usagi talks to Shadowjack.
  • Episode 70: Yuichiro, singing and dancing.
    • A CAFE, SOMEWHERE: Soul of innocence.
    • Koan: …oh, snap, I almost forgot my weal job again.
    • After Koan leaves:
    Usagi: That was weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiirrrrrd.
    Rei: ¿Didn't you just blow up a cosmetics store? Maybe they're onto you.
    Usagi: You mean I'm being hunted by the Mary Kay Commandos? That's all I need.
    Rei: Well, if a L'Oreal ninja comes here, that would make three crazy women who'd violated my home today, which is a nice round number…
    Usagi: (starts to count…) Hey!
    • "…I'm not sure that we're a good model for relationships, but I'll take praise any day. Nice to see you smilin', chica. ¿Tea?"
  • Episode 71: Mako and Ami flirt. Blatantly.
    • "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"
    • On Ami's competitiveness:
    Usagi: Have you ever seen pictures of yourself in competition, Ami? You get this smile
    Ami: No! Come on.
    Makoto: It's true, hon, you get a little scary.
    Berthier: What do you do, keep her tied up for emergencies?! You people are scary! I hate violence!
    Makoto: Look, Ami's over there! She's playing now! She's very good. Think she'll win? It'd be neat if she won!
    Minako: (shakes head and smiles.) Yes, dear, yes it would.
  • Episode 72: "Say, how did we arrive at the Rainbow Bridge by heading west? Isn't it east of Azabu-Juuban?"
    • Berthier would just like to inform Calaveras that Mercury is not to be messed with.
    • On cursed wands:
    Ami: Wand produces an infinite amount of energy; Rubeus reverses the flow; wand absorbs an infinite amount of energy. And thus is conservation of energy maintained. Mathematically it's all quite simple. Too bad it's going to kill us all, Stephen would love to get close observations on this.
    Makoto: Mercury, how do we kill it?
    Ami: You can't kill a black hole, love.
    • Mako's not dumb, and Ami reassures the Senshi that "There's definitely a very slim chance we'll survive."
    • The Ghostbusters Shout-Out.
    • "DIEEEEEEEEEEEE—"
  • Seventh Recap: Shadowjack's reintroduction of the Senshi. It wasn't enough that he drew Makoto effortlessly carrying a Sailor V arcade console, no; he then had to draw Minako using the cats as a platform.
    • " — But a sinister force has come to the Juban district." <insert silhouette of Chibi-Usa>
    • Fiery!Latina!Rei is scary when she's angry: "¡Talk or I will cut you!"
    • Chocolate smuggling.
    • The Senshi theorize. Makoto likes Usagi's "evil space communists" theory.
      • Soon followed by:
    Ami: Never do that again!
    Ami: Gee, wouldn't it be weird if it was something people'd be ashamed of?
    Makoto: ... How do you mean, Ami?
    Makoto: You've been reading too much sci-fi.
    Ami: Eh, it was just an odd thought. Now eat your burgers. They're good for you.
  • Episode 73: The invention exchange.
    • Usagi convinces the others they have invisible jets.
    • The aftermath of the Sailors trying to talk Chibi-Usa out of stealing Sailor Moon's brooch and the Silver Crystal
    Chibi-Usa: "IT'S A LIE IT'S A LIE! I won't let your truth and reason and kindness interfere with my bad decisions, I won't, I won't! They're MY bad decisions and you can't take them away from me!"
    Chibi-Usa /skips school, does drugs, plays in traffic and dies.

    THE END.
  • Episode 74: Something about this...
    Usagi: You didn't think I'd hand over the Rabbit and the Crystal so easily, did you? BWAHAHAHAHA! You pitiful fool, Rubeus!
    Usagi: This is a cleverly-disguised special ops dwarf, courtesy of the Japanese government.
  • Episode 78: Minako's attempt to care for a sick Rei, depicted as a text adventure game.
  • Episode 79: Even Sailor Moon knows better than to tempt fate, and isn't afraid to inflict Cool and Unusual Punishment on those that do.
    Enter frenzied crowd of tourists, pursued by a bear.
    Usagi: "…"
    Minako: "…That one was on me. My bad."
    Usagi: "As penance, you get Burt Ward today."
    Usagi: "Time to save the day again, old chum!"
  • Episode 81: Venus and one of the monsters of the week engage in rapid fire Double Entendre
    Achiral /materializes. "I doubt you'll be able to handle it now it's this size."
    Minako /instantly fires back. "We can handle quite a bit; we've had a lot of experience."
    Achiral: "You've probably never experienced anything as big as this."
    Minako: "Size isn't as important as how you use it."
    Achiral: "I know a few tricks that may surprise you."
    Minako: "Oh, we like surprises—"
    Rei: "¿WILL YOU PLEASE STOP?"
  • Episode 85: Mamoru's reaction to seeing Chibi-Usa as Black Lady
    Mamoru: "I don't believe it! She's become a moody teenager!"
    Black Lady: "…I'm… I'm totally twenty-one!"
    Usagi: "Moody teenager? What makes you so sure, Tux?"

    • FLASHBACK: MAMORU CHIBA, AGE 15
    Mamoru /hair long, ratty black T-shirt. "You can't keep me from going out tonight! The Cure is, like, my life!"

    • BACK TO THE PRESENT
    Mamoru: "Just a hunch."
    • Followed shortly thereafter by Usagi's reaction
    Usagi: "Young lady, you are not going out like that! You look like a hussy! You go back to your room and put some decent clothes on right now, or I'll have your father talk to you!"
    • As well as the denouement
    Mamoru: "Are you okay, love?"
    Usagi: "I'm not sure. I jumped straight from single motherhood to my kids wanting to kill me. At this rate, I'll be suffering menopause by next summer."
  • Episode 87: The problem with fighting family members
    Black Lady: "I am Black Lady, messenger of Death Phantom, ruler of the dark world. Soon, the universe will fall into the oblivion of hatred! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH—"
    Usagi: "I've seen you naked!"
    Black Lady /chokes.
    Usagi: "Okay, GET HER!"
  • Episode 88: Artemis shows his ability to keep his cool and negotiate
    • NORTH WINDS BLOW! SOUTH WINDS BLOW! THUNDER! LIGHTNING! HURRICANE! SMOG!
    Artemis: "We're all gonna die."
    Luna: "What happened to your stiff upper lip?"
    Artemis: "I traded it in for two squeaky toys, and one of those circulating water bowls."
    Luna: "…Should have held out for a ball of string."
    • From the same episode, DEATH PHANTOM'S attempt to avoid the inevitable:
    DEATH PHANTOM: "Oh, for goodness sake, now they're all ganging up on me? What else could go wrong? …I said that ironically, so I think I'm safe."
    Chibi-Usa /powers up into Princess Chibi-Serenity.
    DEATH PHANTOM: "Oh, Hell's bells and balls. TWO Silver Crystals? Now that's just overkill."

    Sailor Moon S 
  • Episode 90: The opening D&D game
    Ami: "I… I admit I missed a few sessions because of cram school, but when did she start coming here? Does she even speak our language?"
    Yamandakka: "Yamandakka!"
    Mako: "Well, we needed a cleric."
    Mina: "Show 'em, honey."
    Yamandakka /rolls dice. "CRITICAL HIT! Kill you, take stuff. Yamandakka!"
    Ami: "…I think she'll fit in just fine.
    • Usagi showing that even when your illogical plan somehow works it can still be a really bad idea
    Usagi: "She looks really preoccupied. Maybe she won't notice me. I'll just stand off to the side, here, and won't make eye contact. No! Even better, I'll cover my eyes so she can't see me!"
    Usagi /covers eyes and waits.
    Rei /trips over Usagi.
    Usagi: "WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER?!"
    Rei: "¡I didn't see you!"
    • The many breast jokes that come about from the daimon's methods
    Mikuji uses Dark Star Assault Cleavage upon Rei!
    Rei: "WHAT."
    Mikuji: "The power of boobs compels you!"
    Rei: "¡No! ¡My only weakness!"

    Usagi: "I AM THE TERROR WHO TRIPS IN THE NIGHT! I am the brassiere too tight for the bosom of Crime and Injustice!"
    Rei: "¿The hell?"
    Usagi: "They're right there! It's distracting! HOW DARE YOU TEMPT FAIR EARTHLING MAIDENS WITH YOUR SAUCY EXTRADIMENSIONAL WAYS! For Love, Justice, and Modest Dress Codes—I am Sailor Moon! And in the name of the Moon, I WILL PUNISH YOU!"
    • And at the end the denouement devovles into a whole slew of naughty puns.
    Luna: "Can we stop talking about breasts? I think your Mamoru is blushing."
  • Episode 91: Nekonnell's cat-like behavior while stalking her prey
    Nekonnell: /bursts in, dramatically!
    Nekonnell: /thinks about it.
    Nekonnell: /goes back outside.
    Nekonnell: /stops and thinks in the open doorway.
    Nekonnell: /decides to come in, after all.
    Nekonnell: /no, wait. Goes back out again.
    Little Girl: "…MAKE UP YOUR MIND!"
  • Episode 94: One of the funniest recaps, making it difficult to narrow it down to just a couple of examples. The comic about the fight between Neptune & Uranus against Sailor Moon & Tuxedo Mask in particular has Sailor Moon distracting Uranus with a peck on the nose, and getting Tuxedo Mask thrown at her head by Neptune in retaliation.
    Mamoru: "Moon, I don't like your idea of a "hot date" very much..."
    Usagi: "But we meet such interesting people!"
  • Episode 95: Mina relating the story of why Artemis took away her disguise pen, relating to when she used it in the Sailor V manga to turn into a guy to get the drop on the enemy.
    Rei: "¿Wait a minute, you say you won?"
    Mina: "Oh, hell, yeah. Pretty righteous bust!"
    Usagi: "So why did Artemis take the disguise pen away?"
    Mina: "Oh, well, you see, afterwards, I got to wondering about that disguise, and I—"
    Artemis: /bursts in. "Stop! Stop! Stop right now. Stop that. She's telling the airship story, isn't she? That's enough, young lady. We'll have none of that, now. Time to go home. That's it."
  • Episode 96: The attempt to reconcile massive amounts of Les Yay, Fanon, and Shadowjack's alternate continuity with the show trying to reassure the radar that nothing is going on. Plus Sailor Moon's frustration with Mako's tendency to develop crushes.
    Usagi: "Yes, yes. Her name is Haruka."
    Mako: "Haruka. WOW! WOW! …WOW!"
    Usagi: "GAAAAHHHH! Dammit, Mako! I thought you were over this! And you're both gir—I can't even say that with a straight face. Girls! Ami! Remember Ami? Wait, no, I don't actually know what's up with you two any more, this is the problem with behind-the-scenes stuff no one talks about, maybe it doesn't matter. Aha! Haruka's dating another girl. There we go. She's dating another… Mako? MAKO!"
    Mako: "What did you say?"
    • Eventually Ami has this advice to offer on the subject
    Mina: "Boy, it's a good thing she wasn't in any other relationships, or this'd all be very awkward."
    Ami: "Look, let's just suck up the alternate continuity and roll with it."
    • Also, a moment of pity for the poor embarrassed monster of the week
    Kaolinite: "No more interruptions! Scar, do it!"
    Scar activates Dark Assault Nipple!
    Kaolinite: "Yes, that's right, Nipple, damn it! No more tip-toeing around the issue! We're just going to do this the direct way!"
    Scar: "This is why I insisted on a mask…"
  • Episode 97: In addition to the valuable life lesson Ami also learns a lesson about the episode structure of monster-of-the-week shows.
    Ami: "Wow, I feel great. I grok so much about myself now. Why I fight, why I study… Wow."
    Ami: "…WOW."
    Ami: "That was a really good episode! Now for a cooldown lap and then home to bed."
    • SUDDENLY!
    Ami: "No 'suddenly!' There is no 'suddenly!' The episode is over, roll credits!"
    Kaolinite: "That's what you think!"
    Ami: "Yes, that's what I think! …Damn it!"
  • Tenth Recap: "OMG SO CUTE!!!"
    • Usagi complains about her lack of man candy.
    • Miss Kaorinite.
    • Mina turns "study" into a masturbation euphemism. Other choice lines include "Slowly I turn..." and "Rei-chan is holding me~"
    • Michiru and Haruka's relationship thoughts.
    Michiru: I have the best girlfriend in the world.
    Haruka: I could go for some pizza about now...
  • Episode 99: Haruka gets involved in two moments.
    • Yuichiro's reaction to his first sight of her:
    Rei: ¡Score! …¿Did you hear something just now? It sounded like a young man wailing in confused anguish, then throwing himself off the nearest bridge.
    • Yuichiro's, er, "fight," for Rei's honor. Must be read to be believed. Includes:
    Rei (just happening by): ¡¿What in the name of the Sainted Virgin Mary is going on here?!
    Yuichiro (reeling): …I'll take you all on… all six of you…
    Haruka: This drunk guy called me to an empty field to watch him beat himself up.
    • Rei meditates before the sacred flames.
    Fire: <<You have reached Heaven's Help Line. If you know which of the eight million you wish to speak to, please chant their extension, followed by the word, 'amen', now. If you have a dying prayer, please chant, 'one', now. If you are a god, please chant, 'two', now. If you are following up on a previous prayer, please chant, 'three', now. Para servicios en español—>>
    Fire: <<…We're sorry, but all operators are busy with other querants. Please state the nature of your issue, your name, and the location where you can be reached, followed by the word, 'amen', now. If the issue is urgent, please remain on the line, and we will be with you as soon as possible.>>
  • Episode 101: Michiru's reaction to Haruka playfully flirting with Usagi
    Michiru: /is not irritated at this.
    Michiru: /being irritated would imply that there was something between me and Haruka.
    Michiru: /and we agreed that there isn't.
    Michiru: /so I am not irritated.
    Michiru: /and this is not a knife in my hand.
    • After accidentally upsetting Usagi by forgetting her birthday, Mamoru seeks advice
    Rei: "Hikawa Shrine, Rei Hino speaking."
    Mamoru (via telephone): /explains. "—and since you're one of her best friends, I figured I'd ask your advice."
    Rei: "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ¡POWER! ¡SUCH POWER! ¡I now have ultimate power over a man! ¡Hohoho!"
    Mamoru (via telephone): "…I guess I don't need the advice that badly. Maybe I should hang up now."
    Rei: "¿And never know? ¿And never understand a woman's heart? ¡Foolish man, you would throw my gifts away!"
    Mamoru (via telephone): "You are not contributing to the breaking down of stereotypical relations between the sexes."
    • When the birthday party hits the low point with the birthday girl missing and everyone else preoccupied
    Minako: "Apparently, we've reached that stage of the night where you can say any crazy thing, and no one will respond or care."
    Minako: "It's like a free-swim of conversation. I'll start, okay?"
    ...
    Minako: "So I've got an oscillating fan at my house. The fan goes back and forth. It looks like the fan is saying, 'No.'"
    Minako: "So I like to ask it questions that a fan would say 'no' to."
    Minako: "'Do you keep my hair in place?'"
    Minako: "'Do you keep my documents in order?'"
    Minako: "'Do you have three settings?'"
    Minako: "'Liar!' My fan fucking lied to me. Now I will pull the pin up. Now you ain't sayin' shit."
    Minako: "…"
    Minako: "Okay, this is officially the worst birthday party I've ever been to. And that's counting the one with the spiders."
  • Episode 103: Ami's true nature briefly shines through when discussing Rei meeting with a woman in a cafe.
    Mako: "Wait, I'm confused. If this other woman is like Haruka, are you saying she's actually a guy who likes to dress as a girl?"
    Ami: "…Hot."
    Ami: "I mean! Um."
    Ami: "…I'll just be going now…"
    Mina: "And give up on ever finding out what they're talking about? Because you know we'll find it funny not to tell you." ;)
    Ami: /takes out a surveillance kit, blushing. "I'm doing this under protest, I swear."
    • There's also Usagi's reaction at the end to Chibi-Usa showing up again.
    Usagi: "This is so unfair. Every time I gain a base, a small child shows up."
    Mina: "Well, that is the general idea, isn't it?"
    Ami: "Recent research in evolutionary biology suggests that small children instinctively interfere with their parents', er, intimate time, so as to focus available childcare attention upon themselves."
    Mako: "Are we at all surprised that Usagi's child goes over-the-top?"
    Usagi: "Yes, but isn't it stupidly dangerous for her to interfere before she even exists?"
    Rei: "Well, she is your child."
    ...
    Usagi: "Get Luna-P over here! Get Pluto on the phone— No! Get your Mom. I think I and I have to have a heart to heart."
    Chibi-Usa: "Awwwwww." :( "But you're cooler than Mom."
    Usagi: "You're darn right I am. Who do I think I am, shoving my kid off onto me when I'm trying to do dangerous work? I'm so irresponsible! Don't I know I can't take this responsibility?"
  • Episode 107: The Slaying of the Daimon:
    CHIBI-USA > MINI-TECH > PINK SUGAR HEART ATTACK > CHOKOKKAR
    Chibi-Usa casts love at Chokokkar!
    Doink.
    Doink.
    Doink.
    Doink.
    Doink.
    Doink.

    Chokokkar: "Please. Just kill me. Please."

    Doink.
    Doink.
    Doink.
    Doink.
    Doink.
    Doink.

    Chokokkar: "The… the indignity… please. I beg you."
    Michiru: "The Daimon's right. No one should have to suffer this."
    Usagi: "I agree. This isn't even funny, it's just… just sad."
    Chibi-Usa: "What? Why?"
    • Soon followed by the reason Haruka had so much trouble today:
    Chibi-Usa: "Or did you get weaker?"
    Michiru: "No. No? I don't feel weaker. Do you?"
    Haruka: "Yeah, actually."
    Michiru: "What? Why?"
    Haruka: "Because last night you kept saying, 'one more—'"
    Michiru: "NOT IN FRONT OF THE KID!"
    • Then we learn what goes on between Ami and Mako when no one's looking:
    Ami: "Repent! Get down on your knees and REPENT! Bow, slave, and beg for punishment!"
    Usagi: "FORGIVE ME MISTRESS!"
    Makoto: "Um… what?"
    Ami: "Eh-heh, whoops. Sorry. Got carried away…"
  • Eleventh Recap: Too Much Coffee Daimon
    Usagi: What do you think - cosplayer, streetwalker, avant-garde fashionista or just plain ol' fetishist?
    Rei: None of the above. They at least have taste.
    • Mercury is at it with her goddamn princess wand again.
    • "And I figured it out without even having to watch them changing!" *Spit Take*
  • Episode 109: On Minako's purity obsession
    Mamoru: "I'm so glad I'm not whatever age you guys are anymore. So she's picked blood drives as her pure obsession? How the heck did she pick that?"
    Usagi: "God knows. She lies about her age to get in, forges a signature, hits multiple places in a day, every day… Mamoru, that's not healthy!"
    Mamoru: "No kidding! …Are you sure this isn't some extended con game on her part?"
    Usagi: "If it is, she's fooling even herself this time. She won't let us talk her out of it, and it's not like we can restrain her. Ami only owns one pair of cuffs, and Mina can pick them."
  • Episode 110: Sailor Moon bursts in dramatically!
    Usagi: "Who needs a magic brooch?! I have a brick and the power of righteousness!"
  • Episode 112: After the Outer Senshi help Sailor Moon to defeat the Monster of the Week, but still refuse to actually team up.
    Usagi: "…I'm getting mixed signals here!"
    Minako: "It's not you, Sailor Moon, it's them. You're a wonderful girl, but they just don't think of you that way." ;)
    Usagi: "You mean I've been 'neutral'-zoned?"
  • Episode 113: When the Outer Senshi apologize for having let the villains enter the solar system their supposed to be the first line of defense for, Tuxedo Mask tells them it's understandable and he doesn't blame them for not being there to stop every villain that had been in the series thus far, with Uranus and Neptune becoming increasingly shocked and confused with each new mention while Pluto repeatedly promises to fill them in later on what they missed.
    Michiru: "Has everyone in the galaxy attacked the Earth while we were out?!"
    • The Professor makes coffee in his own style.
  • Episode 117: "Oh yeah? WHOA! No chainsaws!" "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
    • "What are they doing now, just transforming any old random junk into monsters?" One cut later...
  • Episode 120: Haruka makes a discovery while looking through the school's security footage
    Haruka: "This school has way too many cameras. …Oh, crap."
    Michiru: "What? Did you find the secret lab?"
    Haruka: "No, but I don't think that time in hall closet was a secret."
    Michiru: /urk
    Michiru: "…With this many cameras, probably no one noticed…"
    • At the end Minako takes part in a grand heroic tradition, looting the corpse.
      Luna: "Minako, what are you doing?"
      Minako: /carrying the computer. "Hey, free computer."
      Luna: "You don't know what's on that thing."
      Minako: "From the style of the Daimon, I'm guessing video games and porn."
      Makoto: "And possibly some horrible mutant space virus."
      Minako: "When did you get all paranoid?"
  • Episode 121: The heroes reaction to facing The Little Shop That Wasn't There Yesterday yet again.
    Tellur: /strokes chin. "But I must congratulate you on figuring out my plot so swiftly. It seems the Sailor Scouts are more clever than I thought."
    Chibi-Usa: "There's nothing to figure out, you big n00b! ALL the bad guys try this one first!"
    Tellur: /sweat-drop. "Er…*no, I came up with this by myself…"
    Usagi and Sailor Pluto: "It shows."
    Chibi-Usa: "Lame! Lame! Poser villain!"
    Usagi: "Look, obviously you're new at this, so how about you surrender now and try again later?"
    ...
    Tellur: "How the heck did you get in here?"
    Mamoru: "Skylight. You forgot to put a shutter across it."
    Usagi: "She's new."
    Mamoru: "I can see that."
    Tellur: "Enough with that! So I'm new! Everyone's new at some point! But like all new seedlings I shall flower, and blossom, and—"
    • The denouement:
      Usagi: "Er… uh… I had a thought."
      Mamoru: "What?"
      Usagi: "Are we sure we put all the soul crystals back in the right people? We kind of had to guess about some of them."
      Mamoru: "Errrrr… probably best not to think about it. I mean, they SEEMED okay."
      Usagi: "Yeah, I guess."
  • Episode 123: Dramatic rooftop dialog
    Haruka and Michiru: /contemplates the blowing wind, dramatically.
    Haruka: "The winds are crying."
    Michiru: "This planet cowers at the horrors of the unknown."
    Haruka and Michiru: /peer grimly into the darkness.
    Haruka: "…Wait, sorry. The wind is crying from this direction." /walks over to the other side.
    Michiru: /follows. "Oh, hey! You can see Mugen from here. Looks like something's going on."
    Haruka: "This planet cowers at the horrors of the hitherto-unknown but now-strongly-suspected."
    • The Sailors' introduction to the final Witch
      Minako: "Like, oh my god, is she doing the chair bit?"
      The chair behind the desk slowly turns around, revealing—
      Minako: "Yes! She's doing the chair bit. I have truly arrived as a superhero."
      Makoto: "She doesn't have an evil cat."
      Cyprin: /dramatically. "I'm so pleased that—"
      Minako: "Yeah, why don't you have a cat?"
      Cyprin: "…"
      Minako: "All this build up, and no cat."
    • Minako's thoughts on Mistress Nine
      Haruka and Michiru: "…That's not Sailor Saturn!"
      Minako (at the same time): "…Whoa, Silence is hot."
      The other Sailors: "WHAT?!"
      Rei: "Wh—buh—¡Now is not the time!"
      ...
      Minako: "So I'm just gonna say it: Silence can gag me ANYTIME."
      Rei: "¡I said now is not the time!"
      ...
      Minako: "Damn."
      Rei: "¿What?"
      Minako: "I should have said something about immanentizing the eschaton. 'I wouldn't mind immanentizing her…' Or is it funnier the other way around? 'I wouldn't mind her immanentizing my…'"
      Rei: "¿Estás loco?"
  • Episode 126:What do Haruka and Michiru do when the see Sailor Moon pass out after rescuing Hotaru?
    Haruka and Michiru: /do the logical thing and steal the baby.
  • Episode 127: Usagi's excuses for still not knowing her kanji 1000 years into the future.
    Usagi: "You don't know! You don't know if, if, if in the future we all use some other language, and don't write in Japanese for hundreds of years! Maybe I'm a genius at writing space poetry in Moonspeak and you're the weird one for still sticking to stuff like lame ol' 20th-century English! Maybe I got, like, a brain tumor from fighting too much evil, and the future yous are all really sad that I can barely write at all, but I insisted on doing it myself anyway for my little girl! Huh? Did you think of that? You don't know! So there!"
    • Usagi's questioning Chibi-Usa about what she's doing back in the past gets a bit derailed.
      Usagi: "What I meant to ask is why are you here?"
      Chibi-Usa: "You're so helpless without me, I had to come back!"
      Haruka: "That's true. It's so very true."
      Michiru: "We may have to stick around and hassle you for another season or two."
      Naru: "Since I missed the last party, can we have another? The daimons are gone, right?"
      En: "Oh, hi! We were in the system, thought we'd drop by."
      Ali: "Say 'hello' to Sailor Moon, Doom Sapling!"
      Calaveras: "I hope you don't mind us joinin' this little shindig. We gave Miz Osaka a lift. Say hello, Petz!"
      Petz: "Hewwo!"
      Usagi: "All right—OUT! ALL THE EXTRA CHARACTERS OUT! This is a family discussion!"
      Yamandakka: "Yamandakka!"
      Usagi: "And you, too! Out! Out! Out! …Not you, little missy!"
      Chibi-Usa: "Awww. But they're having a party over there—"
    • The ending comic, after Mamoru gets the hint about what Usagi wants to do.
      Mamoru: "Seriously though, is that what we're calling it? 'Having sweets'? Srsly?"
      Usagi: "Isn't it better than 'Milk-shake'?"
      Chibi-Usa: "I like milk-shakes!"
      Chibi-Usa: "...What?"
      Usagi: "Yes! So do we! And that's why-"
      Usagi: /herding Chibi-Usa and the Senshi away "-AUNTIE MINA AND EVERYONE ARE GOING TO BUY YOU SOME!"

    Sailor Moon Super S 
  • From Episode 128, we have the dream where Chibi-Usa meets Pegasus. Sets up with:
    Usagi: "Why are you still here? I thought you went home at the end of the last series."
    Chibi-Usa: "And miss out on the chance to meet a magic horse? Not on your bunny-ears."
    Usagi: "I'm sure we must have loads of magic horses at home in the future."
    Chibi-Usa: "Yes, but you never let me go near them!"
    • And the conclusion:
    Usagi: "THREE eyes?"
    Chibi-Usa: "One for each side of his face." (like, duh) "And I felt funny and warm inside, but I knew I was safe, because I had shifted to Princess Mode all of a sudden. And he looked at me, and we began to sing together—"
    Pegasus and Chibi-Usa: "Oooooooh sweet mystery of life at last I've—"
    Usagi: "I'm still hung up on the three eyes."
    Chibi-Usa: "Please! Don't spoil the beauty." (echo chamber) 'O, unicorn!' I said."
    Pegasus: (echo chamber) "O, pretty one!…"
    Chibi-Usa: "…he said…"
    Pegasus: (echo chamber) "Please, keep this meeting a secret."
    Chibi-Usa: "And then Usagi was shaking me awake. It was all a dream! OR WAS IT? What do you think, Usagi?"
    Usagi: "Urrrrrgh."
    Chibi-Usa: "I knew you wouldn't understand."
  • Episode 129: Chibi-Usa becomes a horse cultist.
    Reika: /her arms held wide. "Horses have the eyes of gods! They are beautiful and pure! With them there are no lies, no falsehoods!"
    Chibi-Usa: "Iä iä farrier!"
    • This is accompanied at the end with a sketch of Chibi-Usa prostrating before a horse and chanting "Fthagn!"
    • There is also the oddly amusing sketch of Tuxedo Pegasus, trying to balance on a lamppost while holding a rose in his mouth.
  • Episode 130: Usagi crosses the line during her tantrum over Chibi-Usa eating all the lemon pie.
    The Line: "Hello, I am the Line. You are about to cross me. Are your papers in order?"
    Usagi: "Yes, here you go."
    The Line: "Reason for crossing?"
    Usagi: "Emotional duress."
    The Line: "Anything to declare?"
    Usagi: "An empty hole in my middle."
    The Line: "Everything seems to be in order. Thank you for crossing the Line, and enjoy your excursion."
    • The Sailors deal with the frustration of being left behind yet again as far as power-ups are concerned.
      Pegasus: "Behold! The Kaleidomoon Scope and the Crystal Carillon! One for each of you!"
      The Other Sailors: /glance at each other.
      The Other Sailors: /step forward and hold open their hands.
      Pegasus: ?
      Rei: "¿Don't we get upgrades, too?"
      Pegasus: "And who the hell are you? Step aside, if you please!"
      Rei: "GET THEE TO A GLUE FACTORY."
  • Episode 131 has Naru as the target yet again, but the Sailors are planning on using it as a sting operation. Usagi winds up annoyed when the others never show up to the fight.
    Usagi: "THANKS for your HELP, by the way. Naru got 'got' again! Where the heck were you?"
    Mina: "She got 'got' only once? Oh, good."
    Usagi: "What do you mean?"
    Mako: /drags in a giant net filled with miscellaneous youma. "Well, there were six other attacks at the same time. We kind of had our hands full."

    Sailor Moon Sailor Stars 
Shadowjack has yet to review this season.

    Side Stories 
  • Her Thoughts May Have Short-Circuited: A ''Shadowjack Watches Sailor Moon Side Story
    • "Of course! It's to keep the music in my head from spilling out of my ears."
    • Death noogies.
    • The Moon Song.
      • And Rei's reaction(s).
  • Side Story: Mister Tsukino Does His Taxes and the Household Budget
    • Shadowjack: If you make sure to draw for an hour every day... you might end up with something strange like this.
    • "How the hell should I know?"
    • Mr. Tsukino: ... House payment... utilities... cable... that vacation... film for my camera... insurance payments... 80 gallons of paint and a box of donuts?!
      • Soon followed by:
    Ami: ... It's for school?
    • Taxes are due today:
    Mr. Tsukino: I have no choice. Only one thing to do.
    Luna: File for an extension?
    Usagi: Oh noooo...
    Mr. Tsukino (grabs keys): MOTOR POWER, GEAR UP!!!
    • Presenting, and sending off, Kamen Scooter. Chibi-Usa is so confused.
    • Junior 108: Such skill! <3
    • Noises.

    Movies 
  • S Movie Part 1: Haruka's standard flirtations with Usagi get derailed.
    Haruka: "The human jaw should not unhinge that way!"
    Makoto: "Holy crap! That's no normal Monster of the Week!"
    Minako: "Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit."
    Rei: "Uh-oh, if V's scared, I'm scared. ¿What is it, V?"
    Minako: "Is this it? I mean, is this it? Future Crystal Tokyo was all after an Ice Age, right? And we've been having all these prophecies about Silence and the End of the World and shit, right? IS IT HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?"
    Rei: "…Oh shit."
    Minako: "Oh shit. Oh shit."
    Rei: "Oh shit."
    Makoto: "Guys, calm down, calm down. It could just be an unusually-powered villain, they happen sometimes. Or it's a weird fluke, like Mamoru's space elf ex. Be cool. Like Ami. Right Ami?"
    Ami: "I'm not calming down, I'm pissed off! That bitch is copying my schtick!"
    • The only context this needs is the fact that it works:
    Usagi: "We have no choice then but to use the Tsukino Family Secret Technique!"
    Chibi-Usa: "Right!"
    Usagi and Chibi-Usa: "LOOK! A DECOY!"
    • Part 4: Usagi: "In that case I learned that… um… I learned… There's weird stuff in space."

    Sailor V 
  • Chapter 1-1: Sapphic death zeppelin.
    • Takeuchi understands cats.
    • BIG SCARY STARING EYES.
    • "Just open it up. Open it. OPEN THE COMPACT."
  • Chapter 1-2: I say, Ms. Takeuchi! You are a naughty, naughty artist.
    • "…Well, for starters, the uniform is so uncool."
    • And let's just think about that here: Artemis arranged for the development of an entire arcade game prototype, and associated advertising copy, solely for the purpose of a single training lesson for Minako. This boy's got a blank check. "Okay, Minako, for today's survival training, we've rented Okinawa. Yes, the whole island. Now pay attention, damn it!"
  • Chapter 1-3: So, uh, you'll only kill some of them, then? I suppose I should be glad at her restraint. :D
    • "This definitely rates about a 9.0 on my weird-shit-o-meter."
  • Revamp Vol. 1: Enter Hikaru.
    Ami: "…What am I doing in this story?!"
    • Minako waxes poetic:
    Minako: "—MY castle, Magellan, floating in its crystal shield in orbit above Aphrodite Terra on my mother world, Venus, the land of incandescent heat and sulfurous atmosphere, and it sang to me in my heart, and above the music I heard a voice that told me destiny had selected me for a great mission. And then I freaked out and fainted."
    Artemis: "You would not believe how much trouble I had getting you into your pajamas and to bed."
    Minako: "I bet you loved every minute of it, you little perv."
    • Minako: "Ever fought a harem of schoolgirls in close combat? It's not as fun as it sounds."
  • Revamp Vol. 2: A discussion on artistic nudity leads to the revelation of naked transformation sequences.
  • Revamp Vol. 3: "Why is the Japanese sense of beauty so subtly horrific?"
    • Item No. 1 on the "Reasons Minako no longer has Disguise Magic" list:
    Luna: "YOU GAVE HER A GUN?!"
    Mina: "It came with the uniform!"
    Artemis: /hides under the bed.

    Manga 
  • Act 1: Mamoru shows just how stealthy a tuxedo can be.
    Mamoru: "I'm in disguise!"
    Usagi: "…"
    Usagi: "I'm going to pretend I never saw you or had this conversation."
    Mamoru: "See how well it works?"
  • Act 2: Usagi shows her astounding intellect.
    Remember, the Crystal Seminar is near the Crown Arcade, so Usagi walks past it on her way home…

    …and keeps on walking.

    Luna: "You're not going to take her the disk?"
    Usagi: "How do I know it's the disk for the school? It could be her diary or something."
    Luna: "BECAUSE WE JUST— ahem, sorry. We just got that plot point. At school? Your Gather Rumors check?"
    Usagi: "We did?"
    Luna: "Oh for crying out loud. Look, there's a guy handing out recruiting flyers for the cram school." /takes one. "See?"
    Usagi: "Ooh, there's a little picture of a CD on the flyers!
    Luna: "Yes."
    Usagi: "So?"
    Luna: "It's the same CD!"
    Usagi: "No it's not, it's smaller, and all thin and paper-y!"
    Luna: "Do I need to enroll you in this cram school to knock some sense into your head?"
  • Act 3 features this conversation between Usagi and everyone else:
    Usagi (via radio): "LUNAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—"
    Ami: "Usagi! I'm here, too. Where are you? What's going on?"
    Usagi: "The bus disappeared and I'm in a scary castle with a pile of unconscious kids and Rei is unconscious too and there's this creepy blond guy and—"
    THE CREEPY BLONDE GUY
  • Act 4 has Rei trying to act tsundere about saving the world. It doesn't work.
    • Luna's complete failure at maintaining her cover
      Motoki: "…By the way, I'm not sure if you noticed, but your cat's been talking in front of us all this time."
      Luna: "No I haven't!"
      Umino: "Yeah, you should probably be a little more careful."
      Luna: "Sh-shut up!"
  • Act 5: The senshi experience a scheduling conflict
    Luna: "Anyway, we've got enough to go on, as these things go. We raid the bridal shop tonight!"
    Ami: "Tonight's bad for me. Can you make it tomorrow?"
    Rei: "I'm unavailable tomorrow. Tonight is better."
    Usagi: "I can't do either. How about Wednesday?"
    Rei: "I have no plans Wednesday."
    Ami: "I do, but I suppose I could move a thing."
    Luna: "FINE! We'll save the world on Wednesday! But no later!"
    Ami: "We really need to set up a regular raid night."
    • The heroes interrupt Nephrite's introduction, and proceed to get totally derailed by the conversation.
      Nephrite: "Hello, ladies. That was just a shadow of myself! Your real enemy—"
      Ami: "—demonstrates repeated transvestite tendencies."
      Nephrite: "Hey!"
      Rei: "And is terrible at it. Honestly, to claim that shoes do not matter?"
      Nephrite: "That's not the—"
      Usagi: "I just demonstrated transvestite tendencies! What's wrong with transvestite tendencies?"
      Ami: "Nothing at all in my book! But watch him squirm to deny it! Hee hee!"
      Nephrite: "There's nothing wrong with admiring beautiful dresses! Besides, I never wore them myself, it was always one of my shadows! It's like dressing up a doll, or, uh— wait, that sounds bad, too."
      Ami: "We're not the ones you have to convince, dear."
      Usagi: "Yeah, I bet you'd look great in a dress! …What? He would!"
      Rei: "Why are we even having this conversation?"
      Makoto: "GOOD QUESTION."
  • Act 6: After Usagi goes over all the other Sailor Senshi's good points she has one question for Luna
    Usagi: "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK A WHINY, POUTY WIMP LIKE ME SHOULD BE THE LEADER?!"
    Luna: "You do such good recaps…"
    • Morning at Mamoru's apartment
      Mamoru: /shirtless. (…maybe I should buy curtains.)
      Women across the street: /wave, hold up their numbers, take photos, etc.
      Mamoru: (On the other hand, why deny them?)
    • Ami's introduced to the command center beneath Crown Arcade
      Ami: /gazes in awe at all the computers. "…I'm home. ♥"

      Ami: "Just one question: How did you hide all this from the owner?"
      Luna: "I'M the owner! Motoki, coffee, now!"
      Motoki: "Yes, ma'am!
  • Act 10 closes with the reanimation of Mamoru and the revelation of his greatest evil weapon.
    Beryl: "ARISE ZOMBYMION!"
    Zombie Endymion: "Tuxeeeeedossss…"
    Beryl: "Your orders are to MURDER the Princess and bring me the Crystal!"

    AND SO:
    Passerby: "Oh God! That checkered shirt is a lethal weapon!"
  • Act 14 opens with Shadowjack's thoughts on the pairings on the title page.
    VENUS x KUNZITE
    Venus: "I'm Batman."
    Kunzite: "No, I'm Batman."
    Venus: "Wanna brood?"
    Kunzite: "Sure."
    • When trying to determine if the other Sailors are dead Usagi is compared to an antenna, complete with her trying different positions to get good reception.

    Musicals 
  • Legend of the Dark Kingdom's Resurrection, Part 1, Intro:
    Usagi: "Side Story?"
    Ami: It means that this episode is non-canonical.
    Minako: If that means anything.
    Makoto: So nothing we do in this one has any impact upon the real storyline?
    Ami: Exactly.
    Rei: AWESOME.
    Rei: (kills Usagi.)
    Rei: (makes out with Minako.)
    Rei: (steals Makoto's wallet.)
    Rei: (runs away, giggling.)
    Minako: (gasp!) But not entirely unpleasant!
    Makoto: Speak for yourself.
    Usagi: (stinks up the room a bit.)
    • Usagi's sleepwalking, Rei made a couple attempts to wake her (they fail). Then this happens:
    Ami: Mako, wake her up your way.
    Makoto: Right! …Which way's my way?
    Ami: Pick her up and dunk her head in the water fountain until she reacts.
    Makoto: …My way's not very sporting. (picks up Usagi and dunks her head in the water fountain.)
    • After an attempt to rouse Usagi from romantic daydreams goes... poorly:
    Artemis: I'm not sure that was the best tack to take with Miss Tsukino. She tends to repress bad memories.
    Luna: Like homework.
  • Legend of the Dark Kingdom's Resurrection, Part 2: In this part, Minako's caught ogling a boy, the rest of the team... persuade... her to ask him out, they all (sans Usagi, something about "sick voyeuristic tendencies") get caught spying, boy calls out his buddies (also hiding in the bushes), and... interesting... flirtations ensue:
    Student A: ¡I am Student A! (approaches Rei) ¡YOU! You are like the flame. ¡Student A like you very much! ¡Passion fruits!
    Rei: …Passion fruits?
    Student A: (sexily.) ¡Mangos! ¡Papayas! ¡You ignite an entire fruit salad of desire in my heart!"
    Rei: …What the hell. Talk fruity to me some more, you Latin hunk.

    Student B: I have a strong psychological attraction to intellectual women, due to various complex personal insecurities. I'd do anything within reason, and some things beyond reason, for such a girl.
    Ami: I'm told my IQ is over 300.
    Student B: (swoons)

    Student C: I like a strong woman.
    Makoto: Well, that's nice, but I'm afraid you just don't push my buttons.
    Student C: (in His voice.) I can also do impressions.
    Makoto: FUKKIN SOLD.
    • Shortly followed by:
    Saito: Hey, gang, let's check out the astrology booth!
    Ami: (throws horns) Woooo! Astrology! Yeah!
  • Legend of the Dark Kingdom's Resurrection, Part 3: Beryl reveals her plans for Mamoru. Zoisite's reaction is... just...
    Queen Beryl: Bait, nothin'. Once we use him to extort the Silver Crystal out of the Sailors—I'm a-gonna marry that wonderful man! BWAHAHAHAHA!
    Nephrite:
    Zoisite: I wanna be an usher! Or a flower girl, I'm not picky.

    A Stormy Relationship 
  • The first strip gives us "LOVE TRIUMPHS!" Which may be one of the greatest things ever drawn.
  • Story Time!
  • Tenderest. Hate. Ever.
    Rei (tenderly): I hate every part of you. I will never hate another person as much as I hate you. No matter where you go or what you do, I will always, always, hate you.
    Usagi (touched): Oh, Rei. I hate you, too.

SF DebrisFunny/Web OriginalShane Dawson

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