- "PLAYING RUNESCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE??!!!!"
- "Dude, what the fuck?!"
- The dandruff trees on RuneScape.
Rob: Fuck is with those trees? They got dandruff or something? Those fucking trees need some fucking Head and Shoulders. Even though they're trees, they lack a head or shoulders.Johny: They're magic.Rob: That's some stupid fucking magic if all it does is give them dandruff.
- Johny using his player to kill a unicorn on the game.
Rob: You just mind your own damn business when you fuck the shit up for the hell of it. That's horse slaughter! You'll get life in horse court.Rob: Like when you call zephyrs Pegasuseseses.Johny: What?Rob: Nothing.
- "Bet I can break a window with it." "Probably." "Bet I can even KILL a man!...With it."
Rob: What the fuck? How the hell did you pull a 5000? That attack looked the same as those zero attacks you kept doing.Johny: Yeah, but I put my heart on that click.
Rob: Hey, what's with the crossbones above your head? Does that mean you're a pirate now?!Johny: No, it means...Rob: Did you level up your pirate stat?Johny: There is no...Rob: Dude, you're like a level 50,000 pirate now, huh?Johny: There is no pirate stat!...Hey, cool, they just updated it. They added a...pirate stat. Huh, cool, sweet! I can get a peg leg!
Don't Wake Robby!
- Johny calling Rob a vampire. "Oh yeah, he's a vampire." "Count Robula-a-a-a!"
- Rob's first dream. "Running back and forth between the houses! (echo) (Beat) What the fuck? Godzilla? (echo)"
- Cue Godzilla trying to attack Rob and causing a tidal wave.
Johny: You gotta be kidding me.Rob: I'M NAKED!
- Rob's second dream. "FUCKING WEEEEEEEEEEEE! FUCKING WEEEEEEEEEEEE! FUCKING WEEEEEEeeeeeooooo..."
- When Rob tries to eat the biscuits and gravy but forgets it.
Rob: Wait a minute, they're on the ground. I don't wanna eat this off the ground. One with filth and dog hair all over.(closes the door)Johny: Dammit.
Dog Daze of Boredom
- Rob saying "hi" to Spike repeatedly at the beginning.
Rob: Hi Spike. Hi Spike. Hey Spike! Hi Spike! Hey, Spike!Spike: If Rob walks by and says "hi" one more damn time, I'm gonna, I'm gonna...Rob: Hi Spike!Spike: ...lick my lips and blink.
- "...While stroking my sideburns! FASCINATING!"
- Spike confronting Chew the chihuahua and chasing him away.
- Rob's fake animal noise. "CACTUS!"
- Rob bragging to Johny about a paper mâché hand he made and making puns about it.
- Spike fearing the family's computer printer.
Spike: (to the printer) Hey, stop it, stop it, it hurts! IT HURTS!Dad: Spike, get in the kitchen!Spike: You get in the kitchen.Dad: I mean it, dog.Spike: Me too, homie. Let me shove this thing off and it's gonna be so fucking epic. (looks into the printer) Now where's its heart?
- This exchange between Rob and Johny:
Rob: Johny.Johny: Rob.Rob: Spike's a dog.Johny: Yeah.Rob: Dogs like being pettededed.Johny: RuneScape likes being playeded.Rob: Playdough.Johny: Play-don't.Rob: Play with yourself.Johny: No.Rob: I WIN! Let's bother Spike!Johny: Kay.
- The ending, in which Spike commits a Squicky moment offscreen.
Rob: (happy) SPIKE!!(becomes shocked)Johny: Ew.Spike: Do you mind?
- "Hey John, think slow!"
Dan: What the hell, JewBob?Rob: Uh, IT WAS SPIKE!(runs off)
- When Rob starts shaving his beard, annoyed:
Rob: Boy, shaving is...Beard: AAAAHHH!!! WHY?! THE PAIN!!!Rob: Shut up, beard!Beard: Okay.
- "Rugged. Smooth. Rugged. Smooth. I'M SO BRILLIANT!"
Johny: I don't think you're in a mind, period.Rob: Semi-colon.Johny: What?Rob: QUESTION MARK!
- Before Johny starts playing Rob's "half beard theme" on his guitar:
Johny: Rob, do me a favor.Rob: What?Johny: Blink.(Rob blinks)Johny: (whispering) Thank you.
Johny: (calling CJ) What? Dude, I'm playing my guitar. I don't wanna play 24/7. You do it! NO!(hangs up)Johny: I don't care how many peacock feathers you tickle me with, you damn weirdo.
Johny: Mom, can I get a ride?Mom: I'm playing my gypsy fortune telling cards. Wanna play?Johny: Dad, can I get a ride?Dad: Hm? No, I just got on the computer. I gotta get my solitaire fix.Johny: Danny, can I get a ride?Dan: No, JewJohn.Mason: Da-hee!Johny: Spike, can I get a ride?Spike: (grunt)Johny: AHH!Dad: Just get Rob to give you a ride.Johny: No, his half beard's gonna...EMBARRASS me.Rob: (out of nowhere, startling Johny) HEY JOHN!!! (freezes, smiling for a long time)(Beat)Johny: (sigh) Fine. You're gonna give me a ride, huh? You're not gonna stick around and embarrass me, right? ...You're just gonna stand there?(Rob runs off)Johny: Awwww.
- "That was the decoy Rob!"
- "Hey, you can't do this! I AM ROBERT WINCHESTER! BROTHER TO JOHNY WINCHESTER! HE WHO SITS RIGHT THERE IN THE BLEACHERS! LOOK AT HIM AND KNOW MY ASSOCIATION WITH HIM!"
Mike: (upon seeing CJ chasing Johny with peacock feathers) Oh yeah, that reminds me.Bjorn: For the last time, Mikey, I am not gay, and neither are you! I think.Mike: (sly giggle)(Bjorn backs off)
- The Stinger, with Rob's new beard style.
Rob: Johny, come see!Johny: Oh, god.Rob: Reverse goatee is born!Johny: (groan)
Not-the-Final Fantasy XII
- "Are we having a party in here?" "YES! PARTY!"
Rob: It's Final Fantasy, John, not Grand Theft Auto.Johny: Steal that chicobbo!Rob: I CAN'T! And um, it's pronounced "chocobo".Johny: That's stupid.
Rob: Johny?Johny: Rob.Rob: What are you doing?Johny: You're connected to the internet.Rob: So what?Johny: I'm gonna play RuneScape.Rob: Oh hell no.Dan: Bob, stop it! You're making Mason frown!Rob: What, what? Baby Mason? Frowning?(Mason looks sad, but changes his expression to concerned)Rob: Concerned?(Mason looks happy and giggles)Rob: Happy? Okay, now you're messing with me.
- "REVOLUTIOOOOOON! Sky pirate!"
Johny: RuneScape has a story. Well, pieces of a story, in the mini-quests. Why do I have to do all this shit?
Rob: (about Vaan on the game) He's the worst character in the game, so I didn't use him.Johny: But he's the main character!Dan: Why the hate, Bob, why?!Rob: Dude, look at him for a second.(shows them Vaan on the TV screen)Dan: Aah, Jew!Rob: He's Michael Jackson with a stupid haircut. His stomach doesn't even look real.
- Rob's Long List of wolf palette swaps.
- "HOLY SHIT, STOP THE WORLD! IT'S ONE GIL!"
- "Oh, Vaan, everybody hates you. The way you should be."
Heinous Anus Zone
Johny: (about Rob's imaginary Sonic level) I don't wanna hear this.Rob: Why not, John? It's such a good idea.Johny: It's a terrible idea.Rob: (chuckles) I'm gonna write to Sonic Team and tell them to put it in the next game.Johny: I'm sure they have better ideas than that.
- When Mr T comes out of nowhere startling Rob right after Johny says "Fool's gold."
Mr. T: GRR! Oh, I'm sorry, did I scare you?Rob: Shit, man, I told you not to do that!Mr. T: Sorry 'bout that.Rob: I hate it when people do that.
- "You never have a good idea." "BLASPHEMY!"
- "If it's not a teenybopper movie with vampires in it for the hell of it...IT'S A TEENYBOPPER MOVIE WITH VAMPIRES IN IT FOR THE HELL OF IT!!"
- "STOP SQUEALING EVERY TIME A PENIS WALKS ON THE SCREEN!! JESUS!"
Edward Cullen: I'm dangerous, leave me alone. I'm dangerous, leave me alone. I'm dange— (Beat) I'm a pretty vampire, shut up!
Rob: WHY DO I HAVE TO SIT THROUGH THIS SHIT?!Adrian: I hope this could be better.Rob: I hope this doesn't turn into a musical, but I swear, if Hannah Montana makes a guest appearance, I'm gonna go on a murderous rampage. AND YOU STUPID LITTLE GIRLS ARE GONNA BE FIRST!!Fangirls: WOOOOOOOOOO!Rob: GRAAAHH!!
- "Glitter skin, glitter skin!" "I HATE GLITTER!!"
Rob: SHOOT ME NOOOOW!!!Adrian: Uh, sorry, I forgot my gun.Rob: Of course you did!
Fangirl: Oh my god, I'm gonna go see Twilight! TV said it's gonna be awesome! WOO!Rob: Hey, let me save you both the trouble - EVERYONE DIES, THAT'S THE SURPRISE ENDING!!(walks away)Fangirl: (Inelegant Blubbering) I only bought a ticket...
Don't Sleep, Robby!
- Johny trying to connect to the internet. "I said you'll never let me down!...STOP LETTING ME DOWN!"
- "Gotta get on a good schedule, John. On a good schedule I gotta get. Good schedule I gotta get on a." "You're scaring me, Rob." "Fear is the devil's matchmaker, John."
Max: Canadian, eh? Johny? Eh, eh? You're trying to mock my country, John? We got botch hands, that means it isn't better!Johny: I said "uh". Uh! Like the bad beat machine I am.Max: Beat machine? Pff. You never played DDR.
- When Johny happily snuggles himself on Rob's bed, pretending to sleep.
Johny: But Rob, sleeping is good! Good sleep!(jumps onto Rob's bed and cuddles himself)Johny: Ah, this bed is so comfy! Oh yeah, it's such a comfy bed!Max: You're enjoying yourself there, Johny?Johny: Oh yeah, the pillow, the pillow! Feels so good to be so sleep!
- "I'll be back!" "To the future." (Beat) "God dammit."
- "All the effort wasted? DAMMIT! AAH! (crash) Dammit, who put my stereo here?!"
Max: Ooh, sounds important, should I be writing this down?Rob: You haven't been??
- This exchange:
Johny: You were sleeping!Rob: Nah, I was zoning out again.Johny: Sleeping!Rob: Zoning!Max: Meditating!Rob: Mediating!Max: Meteor!Johny: Sleeping, I said!
- "EXCITE BIKE, BITCH!! WHAT? WHAT?! WHAT?!! AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!"
- This also doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
- After Rob wakes up from his dream:
Rob: You know what makes for a terrible pillow? The laptop keyboard. Especially one this fucking hot.
- When Rob realizes he accidentally stepped in the burrito. "Ah, dammit, I forgot my feet were dirty from the burrito! Ah, gross, it's all over the carpet!"
Johny: Haha! I finally found the perfect way to make Rob go to sleep! More perfect - wait a minute! I said this already! That exact line! This has all happened before, I swear it! Dammit, screw this, this déjà vu shit's freaking me out! Time for me to go crawl on the fetal position on my bed! Why am I in this closet when I plot, anyways?
- When Johny sees Rob finally going to sleep at the end. "FINALLY!" (Whap!) "Dammit!"