2) Telling new researchers that you can tame SCP-682 with a rolled up newspaper and a tummy rub is right out.
13) There is no market for SCP brand pornography.
13.5) No, not even in Germany.
13.75) It probably would generate a great deal of revenue if sold in Japan but still, 682 on Iris
, Jesus Christ man.
27) Not allowed to send Nigerian-esque spam email to the Church of the Broken God.
31) SCP-963 is not a joy buzzer.
45) [REDACTED], [REDACTED] hard.
52) "Accidentally" spilling green gelatin on a dead body
in the presence of the O5 was funny exactly once, and the smell of excrement exuding from O5-2's khakis
spoiled the moment.
58) Dr. Bright is not allowed to declare war on any country, thing or person.
59) A stripper a day keeps the doctor away. Dr. Bright is not allowed to contribute to this list. Besides, ██% of Foundation staff have their Ph.D. It'd take more than one stripper to keep them away.
59.5) Strike that last sentence. Dr. Bright, I don't know where you found a 300-pound midget stripper with three teeth and severely disfiguring [DATA EXPUNGED], but please put it back.
66) Showing Monty Python
episodes to SCP-239
was not a wise decision. Please never try this with any other reality warping SCP.
71.2) Dr. Bright is not allowed to administer 'Free Hugs', nor an act called 'Surprise █████████'.note
79) Attempts to use Foundation radio telescopes to contact omniscient and omnipotent extraterrestrial entities will result in a bill for any damage to local space-time, including the cost of demoting objects to dwarf planet status.
81) "For the Emperor"
is not an acceptable justification for any decision.
84) Not allowed to lace 'orgasm muffins' with Ex-lax. Again.
90) Not allowed to kick SCP-2558-J.
90.5) Not allowed to play dodgeball with SCP-2558-J.
92) Foundation resources may not be used to run Crysis
. Build your own computer Bright!
96) Just because Bright is a doctor does not mean that he is the Doctor
, no matter how many British men he possesses.
96.1) No, SCP-963
is not proof against this.
96.2) Nor is any structure that results from placing SCP-184
inside of a police call box.
96.3) Tying up female members of the staff and calling them "companions" is right out.
101) Dr. Bright is not allowed to plant SCP-2383-J into science labs. We're still picking up complaints from the office of Stephen Hawking.
101.1) No, not even for the good of "SCIENCE"
101.2) Or even as "Science for the Science God
". Dr. Bright is also not allowed to refer to himself as such either
104) Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason. No, this does not logically imply that Dr. Rights is ethically obligated to demonstrate the existence of her breasts under laboratory conditions.
109) Dr. Bright cannot change the standard issue D-Class uniform to black pants with a red polo shirt.
118) No matter how many times he photoshops himself into a picture of SCP-682, and no matter how many Australians he possesses, Bright is not, and never was, the "Crocodile Hunter
118.3) Nor does every SCP/D-Class "really hate it when you jam your thumb up their bum".
118.3.1) And he is not allowed to do that "Right naow!"
118.5) Claiming to survive the detonation of an SCP-2558-J-Ex
does not make him a lion tamer, either.
127) Dr. Bright is not allowed to use SCP-587
to re-enact the locker scene from Men In Black
, nor play Godzilla with its inhabitants.
138) Dr. Bright may not put "A cup of orgasm" from SCP-294 through SCP-914 on the Very Fine setting.
138.1) Dr. Bright may not use SCP-294 to create a "cup of memetic orgasm" and use it on worldwide television.
138.5) Dr. Bright is not permitted to use SCP-294 to create orgasms of any kind, memetic, sentient or otherwise.
138.6) Given the results of requesting a cup of "Dear God No", Dr.Bright is no longer allowed to use SCP-294 directly or outside of approved testing.
138.6.5) Given that he asked another staff member to request a "Cup of Explodium
" from SCP-294 to "see what would happen", Dr Bright is not allowed to ask other staff members to access SCPs for him, no matter how instructive, funny or helpful the results would be. The only exception to this is SCP-963.
force is not the same as the Force
, therefore using it does not make Dr. Bright a Jedi.
192) Dr. Bright may not attempt to neutralize SCP-682 using "the Power of Friendship
", "the Power of Love
", or any other sort of "Power"
which has not been proven to actually exist.
196) SCP-963 is not a 'soul gem
', and despite what he might say, making a contract with Dr. Bright will not turn you into a 'Magical Girl
196.1) Not even if he includes a 'magical girl outfit'.
203) The Serpent's Hand is not a synonym for masturbation
208) Playing the song "Thriller
" in the presence of SCP-008 victims
is expressly forbidden.
208.1) Letting out SCP-008 victims and punching them "to simulate Minecraft
" is also forbidden.
208.2) Pushing several agents in front of SCP-008 victims "to simulate Resident Evil
" is not a valid excuse, either.
208.3) Dr. Bright is no longer allowed near victims of SCP-008.
218) Dr. Bright is not to use this list as a resume.
222) Dr. Bright is not allowed to make freeware games based on contained objects and release them onto the internet.
226.2) Dr. Bright is politely asked to stop referring to staff/19 incident BA114 as "Miracle Day
", "The Day I Died and Went to Heaven", "A Thing of Beauty and Grace" or "Every Day in a Perfect World"
236). Dr. Bright is not Kenny. We also ask new researchers (and Bright) to stop referring to him/self as such.