Funny / Quantum Leap

This wasn't even the point of the mission!

Warning: Contains unmarked spoilers. If you haven't seen Quantum Leap, maybe don't leap ahead too far...

Season 1

• The ending to "How the Tess Was Won" is the best part of the episode. Sam is a veterinarian in rural Texas and spends the whole episode trying to win the heart of a local rancher. It turned out that his real mission for this leap is to inspire the veterinarian's young assistant to finish a song that he's been working on. Why would that be so important? Because that young assistant is a young Buddy Holly, and the song is "Peggy Sue!" Sam has a fantastic "You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!" face when he realizes his efforts with the rancher were All for Nothing.
• Right from the outset in "Double Identity", Sam winds up leaping into Frankie immediately after he had sex with Teressa.
  Sam: (narrating; during a montage of the previous episode) This quantum leaping through time is a lot like going on a blind date. You never know who you'll end up with. Fortunately, I have Al as my chaperone... to help me figure out what time I'm in and when it's time to go.
  (Sam leaps into a guy lying down on the floor)
  Teressa: Thanks, Frankie. You was terrific. If I'm lyin', I'm dyin'. (leaves the attic)
  (cut to a wider shot of Sam as he sits up, discovering his pants are down)
  Sam: (narrating) As Al would say, timing is everything.
  • As soon as he discovers Frankie's reflection, Sam winds up spending a little too long posing in front of the mirror.
    Sam: (narrating) Whatever I was here to improve, it wasn't Frankie's looks. (puts his tux on) Aha! So that's what you're supposed to look like in a tux. Eat your heart out, Al. (posing; spins around and does the finger gun) Okay, you got a job to do, so whatever it is... (out loud) Let's get to it, killer.
    • This, of course, becomes Dramatic Irony once Sam learns of Frankie's profession: a Mafia hitman.
    • And on a lighter note he does later attend to Frankie's looks, by getting his hair trimmed.
  • Being tasked with singing "Volare" at the wedding, Sam has trouble starting since, you know, he doesn't know Italian. But once Al feeds him the lyrics, Sam begins to do his best Dean Martin.
    Don Geno: I don't want [the guy sleeping with Teressa] dead meat. I want him singing soprano.
    Sam: (shrieks into the microphone)
  • During the climax, right as Sam gets into a struggle with Geno Fescotti, he leaps out... into Geno Fescotti.
    Sam: (crawls onto a stack of newspapers; sees his reflection; thinking) Oh God, now I'm Don Geno. (hangs head in exasperation)
• "Play It Again, Seymour" sees Sam leap into a private investigator in the early 1950s. As such, he is exposed to the lingo of the time, against his wishes.
  Sam: (narrating) Why do we hurt people for telling us the truth? Al was right. When it came to Allison, I was as blind as a dead bat and tighter than a granny knot at a Cub Scout picnic. (in exasperation) My God, I'm thinking like Seymour.
  • Not only that, but said investigator (Nick Allen) looks an awful lot like Humphrey Bogart, which the episode plays to the hilt: not only do several people keep mistaking Sam for Bogart (with an elderly woman hitting him once Sam clarfies), but Sam keeps trying to imitate Bogart... only to keep messing up.
    Sam: (to his reflection; raspy) You dirty, rotten rat.
    Al: (over Sam) No, Sam.
    Sam: You killed my brother-
    Al: (interrupts) S- Sam! That's Cagney, not Bogart.
    • And then you get the note the episode ends on: Right after it's suggested that Sam had actually leapt in to ensure Seymour gets a career as a pulp novelist, something Sam refuses to buy:
      Al: (as Al and Sam walk towards the plane) Sam, I think-
      Sam: Don't say it, Al.
      Al: This is the start of a wonderful friendship.
      Sam: You couldn't resist, could you? (Sam leaps)
  • The climax sees Sam being caught in the middle of a firefight with Lionel in an airport hangar. What's at first an extremely tense scene^note as not only is Lionel revealed to have been the one who shot Nick's partner (in order to runaway with Allison), but he is holding Allison and Seymour hostage is immediately derailed as Al shows up and, taking advantage of the fact he's a hologram, just casually walks over to Lionel and directs Sam to his location while narrating the scene in a semi-bored manner.
    Al: (approaches Lionel) There you are, you sneaky devil. (walks in front of Lionel; yells) He's right over here, Sam! (Lionel shoots through him; returns to Lionel) You couldn't hit an elephant in a tunnel. Boy, are you in for a big surprise. (yells back towards the hangar) Sam, he doesn't know where you are! He's gonna shoot, now duck! (Lionel shoots) Sam, go to the back of the hangar, and then make your way toward me! (to Lionel) Don't you ever clean your mustache? You got gunk in there. It's yucky. (to the hangar) Gonna shoot again! (Lionel shoots twice) Ah! Now, Sam! (Lionel begins refilling his gun) He's out of bullets! He's loading up! Get over here. Hurry up! Sam, hurry! Where the hell are you, Sam?!
    (Sam jabs his gun into Lionel's chest from under the plane)
  • And then you get the culmination of the Running Gag of Sam failing to imitate Bogart: Sam's cocky "Don't even think about it, you mug." is promptly deflated by Al pointing out he's imitating Edward G. Robinson.

Season 2

• In "Honeymoon Express", we catch up to Sam in the middle of a separate leap, where he's in the middle of a classic: rescuing a cat from a tree. And how does Sam accomplish this? By falling from the tree, and having his body cushion the cat's fall.
  • When Al recaps the U2 incident to Sam, Sam briefly assumes Al's talking about the band.
• From "Disco Inferno": The "Man Bag", and just Al's fascination of the 70s vs Sam's disgust for the time period.
  • Sam enters 1976 on a dance floor in the John Travolta pose, white tux and all. And after spending a minute upset that he's in a disco club, Sam mentally wishes he was dead. Cue him getting shot and blasted through a glass window (later revealed to have been a scene in a movie being filmed).
  • One of the things Sam has to do while being a stuntman is film a stunt for Earthquake^note One should ignore the fact that the film was made in 1974 for this to make sense., except up until the night before, Sam has no idea what that stunt is. Al assures him that "[he] heard it's just a little fall". Cut to the next day... where it turns out the stunt in question is the Literal Cliffhanger scene.
    Sam: This is a little fall?
    • According to the episode's narrative, the stuntman for the scene didn't fall onto the broken girder willingly. Rather, he was shoved by one of the female extras.
      Sam: (notices the extra next to him) Hi.
      Extra: Is that all you have to say, Chad?
      Sam: (struggles to respond) Uh-
      Extra: (annoyed) You don't remember me, do you? Wrap party, "Poseidon Adventure?" (more annoyed) I came as the giant clam, you were Aquaman!
      Sam: I- I'm sor- I don't remember.
      Director: (from the ground) Take two, background! (a mob of extras begin rushing down the stairs) And action!
      Extra: Maybe you were the flying fish. (shoves Sam off the edge before falling)
    • And her response once Sam finishes the scene? "Once a screamer, always a screamer."
    • While Sam struggles to maintain his grip, Al gets distracted by the appearance of Lorne Greene and fanboys over the fact that Ben Cartwright is trying to save Sam.
    • The promo for the episode has a beautiful moment of timing: towards the end of the promo, showing the stunt in question, Sam winds up losing his grip and falling... right as the hook to "The Hustle" plays.
    Music: (as Sam falls) Do the hustle!
    Announcer: It's the leap of a lifetime! Quantum Leap! Wednesday! (Sam smashes through an awning)
  • In a bit of Black Comedy, it turns out the episode is titled "Disco Inferno" not just because of the 70s song. You see, it's also the name of the movie that Sam leapt into the middle of the production of... And the climax of the episode involves the disco nightclub film set going up in flames.
  • At the end of the episode, when Sam tries once again to get Chris' dad, Ray, to support his son's desire to be a musician, a live TV report starts up, showing President Ford exiting Air Force One in Austria... and as Al realizes, today's the day Ford trips down the stairs. As such, Sam (claiming to know the future) makes a bet with Ray: if Ford trips, he has to support his son. And sure enough...
    • What's better, this is actually a leftover from the original draft. Originally, the episode wasn't going to just end with the characters witnessing the fall. It's implied Sam leapt in to cause it to happen.^note Someone bumped into Sam, causing him to drop an ice cream cone directly onto the staircase Ford was descending.
      Their eyes mirror President Ford's bouncing trip down a long flight of stairs. The crowd gasps. The cigar drops from Al's mouth. Sam can't believe what he's just done.
      Sam: Al, was that what I was here to do?!
      Observer^note This is how the scripts for Quantum Leap address Al when listing his lines.: I don't know, but that was one hulluva stunt!
      Al watches in amazement as Sam suddenly....
      QUANTUM LEAPS
      FADE TO BLACK
• At the end of "What Price Gloria?", Sam gets revenge on the Jerkass skirt-chasing executive who harassed him and nearly drove the leapee's roommate to suicide. How does he do it? By saying he's a man. The exec's reactions are priceless, particularly when Sam says he can prove he's a man, and the exec backs away in a panic, shouting "NO!" so loudly that his voice cracks. And here's the link to prove it.
• In "Good Morning Peoria", Sam is tasked with playing the first record of the day, and has no idea of how to start the program. After some hemming and hawing between him and Al, Al makes the following remark:
  Al: Didn't you see the movie?!
  (Sam shares a look with Al)
  (hard cut to-)
  Sam: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING PEORIA! OW!
  • After Sam does his best Robin Williams routine and fires off "Great Balls of Fire", his reaction?
    Sam: (in self-realization) I just made a complete and total idiot out of myself.
  • Chubby Checker himself stops by the radio station to drop off a demo he did... and Sam actually goes out of his way to teach Chubby "The Twist".
• The Your Princess Is in Another Castle! moment in "Thou Shall Not...": Sam had leapt in to prevent Irene, the wife of the leapee's brother, from having an affair that would destroy the family, and he and Al briefly assume the person she has the affair with is the leapee. So, Al just suggests not doing anything and making a promise to not have the affair, leading to the assumption that Sam can leap now. Cue a moment of awkward silence.
  Sam: ...I'm not going anywhere.
  Al: Try clicking your heels together three times and saying "There's no place like home."
  • While assisting at a bake sale, Sam is distracted by a man choking on food and promptly delivers the Heimlich maneuver. So, naturally, it turns out that man was Henry Heimlich.
    Sam: (to the man) You all right?
    Woman: Oh, thank you, Rabbi, thank you! (leads the man away) Are you all right, Dr. Heimlich?
    Sam: (pauses; stares at the floor in shock)
• In "So Help Me God", Sam is offered a ride home from court by the father of the victim. Sam's narration gives us his first impression of him.
  Sam: Despite the warm voice and friendly smile, I didn't like him. I didn't like the way people parted before him or the way they touched their hats said 'Captain' as he passed. But since he was obviously the man who ran this town, I had to learn all I could about him. Besides, I had no idea where I lived.
• From "Maybe Baby":
  Al: Why's everyone applauding? Did I miss something?
  Sam: Bunny just stripped for gas money.
  Al: So, she stripped. What do ya mean... She stripped! And I missed it! Sam, I'm the Observer on this project and I should have been here to observe it.
• In "Animal Frat", Sam leaps into the closest thing to the human embodiment of a beer keg imaginable. At one point, Sam and Al do a deep dive into why the leapee, Knut "Wild Thing" Wildeton, wound up at college.
  Al: According to Ziggy, you're in no danger of graduating this year or next year. Seems this "Knut Wildeton" is into the ten-year plan.
  Sam: Let me guess, he's a PE Major with a Minor in Underwater Hotel Management.
  Al: Wrong, you're a physicist with a shot at the Nobel Prize. (Sam almost has a stroke) Just kidding. (taps the handlink) Uh... oh. Well, he's an Art Major. Some kind of a sculptor.
  Sam: Probably works in beer cans... Okay, so... I gotta... pass some test or something, right, so he can stay in school and become a great artist, is that it?
  Al: (taps handlink) No.
  • A minor bit of Black Comedy: because Sam didn't want the other frat members cheating off of him for the chemistry exam, they had Scooter (the pledge) sneak into the lab to grab the exam... not knowing that there was a bomb in the building, and he was to get blown up. Sam and Elizabeth proceed to storm out of the frat and make a mad dash to the chem lab... and a few seconds later, Scooter enters the scene, wondering where they are going.
    Al: (almost misses Scooter next to him) What're you doing here?! You're supposed to be getting blown up!
  • Despite saving the chem lab, Sam still hadn't leapt out. Why? He has to start the frat's luau... by dressing up in a gaudy costume and taking a swan dive into a pool from the upper floor^note Sam started from the ground floor, where Al informed him that Knut originally missed and broke his neck; Sam was confused on how he did that from that short a drop. And then Sam is lifted up by a rope..
    Sam: TKB IS THE LIFE FOR ME!
• Kevin's theory on why Teresa is freaking out (due to seeing Sam as himself, not her mom, and seeing Al) in "Another Mother"? "Too much Sesame Street."
  • Teresa's first interaction with Al? Getting into a fight with him over his clothes.
    Teresa: [Sam]'s not my mommy, that's a man. (glances to the right) So's the guy in the yucky shirt.
    Al: (as Sam looks in shock) This is my favorite shirt, this is cutting edge stuff!
    Teresa: It's yucky!
  • Sam practically almost has a breakdown when ranting about the mom's packed day schedule.
    • Similarly, Al is practically disgusted to learn Kevin's friends are "Demons and Dragons freaks".
  • "What's 'secular undercourse'?"
  • Doubles as a minor CMOA: When Sam takes off looking for Kevin after learning about the prank his "friends" pulled on him, one kid in particular cracks "With a mother like that, I'd still be a virgin too!" Unbeknownst to him, however, Al stayed behind. And while the kid laughs with his friends...
    Al: (checks the handlink) You are still a virgin, pimplepuss. (checks handlink again) And you're gonna be a virgin for another six years.
  • Kevin's impressed that his mom could take on the two thugs and leave them unconscious. He asks where she learned to do that. Sam's answer? "Girl Scouts."
• In "Her Charm", as Sam is doing a Walk and Talk with Richardson over Dana's situation, Al keeps trying to inform him that Dana is going to die on the way to Baltimore, only to become frustrated that Sam is ignoring him. Eventually, once the two of them are alone in a hallway:
  Al: (annoyed) Uh, hello? Hello?! You're the one that's supposed to be talking to himself all the time, not me. (begins waving his hand in front of Sam's face) Are we maintaining any audio or visual contact?
  Sam: (to Al; annoyed) Al, I heard every word you said.
  Al: So?
  Sam: "So?" I'm trying to get some information from [Richardson], but this ranting person is breaking my concentration!
  Al: (pissed) "RANTING?!"
  Sam: (yelling over Al; punches the elevator button) Yes, "ranting"!
  Al: "RANTING?!" Who's ranting?!
  • It's important to note that as Sam and Al are having their fight, they pass by an FBI agent who just looks at Sam in confusion.
  • And then, you get to the punchline: Upon realizing that they are actually close by to Professor LoNigro's cabin, Sam opts to take Dana there instead of Baltimore:
    Al: (relieved) Then we're not going to Baltimore?
    Sam: (casually; leans against the elevator) No, no, no, she gets murdered on the way to Baltimore.
    (Al is about to comment; looks at Sam in silent annoyance)
• In "Freedom", while stopping at a general store, Sam and Joseph (the leapee's grandfather) grab some blankets for the road. After the owner rings up their total as $47.55, Sam proceeds to try and find a wallet on his person. In his search for one, Sam accidentally pulls out a gun.
  Al: Oh, great, Sam. Why don'tcha go for five felonies while you're at it?
  • Right before Sam and Joseph steal some horses, Sam once more voices to Al his concern about Joseph's health as he climbs onto his horse.
    Al: Hey, don't count the old boy out. He might outlive you!
    (gunshot echoes in the distance; Sam falls off the horse)^note Granted, Sam only got grazed with the bullet, but still...
  • While camping out in a cave, Joseph and Sam try to start a fire, only for Sam to realize he doesn't have matches. Joseph decides to show him "an old Indian trick", and starts chanting while waving his hands around.
    Al: (enraptured) Sam, this is great! We're getting to watch a bit of authentic Western history here...
    (Joseph finishes chanting... as he produces and lights a Zippo)
    Joseph: Voilà.
    (Al chuckles)
    Sam: (as Joseph starts the fire; bemused) "Old Indian trick," huh?
    Joseph: Your dad used to fall for it every time.
• While doubling as a minor bit of tension, the climax of "Leaping in Without a Net" reveals one key bit of info concerning Eva's performance of the triple that Sam was not informed of: in order to honor her mother, she decided to perform it without a net.
  Sam: (calmly; to Al) Did you know about this?
  Al: ...would you have gone through with it if I had?
  Sam: No.
  Al: Well, then I didn't know.

Season 3

• While trying to keep Edie awake during the climax of "One Strobe Over the Line", Sam gets to talking with her about growing up in Indiana. After expressing some concern to Al^note due to briefly assuming she was getting cold, Sam covers himself by claiming "Al" was the name of his dog.
  Edie: Al?
  Sam: Uh, he is my dog, Al. On the farm.
  Al: ...your dog?! (glances down at the handlink) All right, [the odds of survival are] up to 46%, but I'm still insulted.
• "The Boogieman" sees Sam make an interesting comparison right towards the outset:
  Sam: The problem with quantum leaping is that it often left me feeling like a scarecrow. With my head all full of stuffing, and no idea as to why I was really there.
• "Miss Deep South." There's something wonderfully surreal about Sam winning a beauty pageant. He gets the big song and bouquet of flowers and everything. And this is doubly funny since Al had previously told Sam that the leapee had originally gotten third place. As mentioned in the caption, this wasn't why he leapt in.
  • And Sam is actually driven to tears.
    Al: Hey, you okay?
    Sam: I just wish Katie could be here to see this...
• After Sam manages to finish the magic act he leapt into the middle of in "The Great Spontini"^note It's important to point out that Sam's stint as a magician started with him botching the "Sword of Doom" act by prematurely breaking out of the box., his child assistant (soon revealed to be the leapee's daughter) begins reading him the riot act like she's his manager.^note "It was Phoenix all over again."
  Jamie: Thank God we're in Oakland. We'd never get away with that in Vegas.
  • As Sam learns, one of the major ambitions Harry Spontini and Jamie have is opening up "the hottest magic shop on the west coast". And in order to do so, Jamie figures they need to "nail that Bill Bixby audition".
    Sam: (excited) We're auditioning for The Incredible Hulk?
    Jamie: (almost patronizingly) Harry, I don't think a great actor like Bill Bixby- and magician- is gonna play a green comic book character.
    • Aside from the obvious, this joke is especially funny if you know a thing or two: Sam leapt in on May 9th, 1974. The Magician ended the month prior.
• In "A Little Miracle", Sam is the servant of a literal Scrooge, Michael Blake, and has leapt into Christmas Eve. But when Al shows up in a Hawaiian shirt, Sam has to be reminded the hard way that just because it's Christmas Eve for him, it doesn't mean it's the same back at the Project.
  Sam: I'm a 200 pound valet.
  Al: Well, count your blessings. You could be wearing a red suit and ringing a bell in front of Macy's.
  Sam: (incredulously; gestures to Al's shirt) And you could be... a waiter at Trader Vics!
  Al: Hey! It's not Christmas where I am- I mean when I am. It's the middle of July.
  • At one point, Al shit-talks Blake to his face... only to learn Michael's brainwaves are a little too similar to Sam's...
    Blake: (to Sam) I think you should worry about your job, and let me worry about mine... (moves to leave)
    Al: (follows Blake) Which is being a grouch. (smugly nods to Sam)
    (Blake stops in place; backs up to face Al)
    Blake: (to Al) What did you say?
    (Sam and Al Double Take; Al looks at Sam in horror)
    Blake: Well?
    Calloway: (as Al begins hammering away at the handlink) Uh... (clears throat) Who- who are you talking to, sir?
    Blake: (turns to face Calloway; gestures behind him) I'm talking to this jerk right here! (turns to face Al, only to see Al vanished) Well, where did he go...
  • When trying to learn more about Blake, Sam decides to root through his closet. No sooner does Al dismiss this plan as pointless...
    Al: (sarcastically) Yeah. Oh, yeah, sure. Go in the closet, reach in there, you're gonna pull out a big box of information.
    Sam: (makes ghostly moaning noises as he pretends to float a box of photos out of the closet)
  • When Sam voices his surprise that Blake would be so willing to throw people out of the mission when it's the day before Christmas, Al cracks that he's just a Scrooge, causing Sam to come up with a plan. And it's implied that Sam actually had to hear Al repeat that before doing so:
    Sam: I mean, can you believe it's Christmas time? And I don't think he's got a second thought about throwing those people out on the streets.
    Al: Well, he's a real Scrooge.
    Sam: (begins putting the box away) Yeah. Yeah, well, you can say that again.
    Al: Scrooge.
    Sam: (turns to Al) Al! Al, you're a genius!
  • While it's in the middle of a dramatic moment, what winds up being the thing to cause a stumbling block in Sam's Yet Another Christmas Carol scheme? Blake realizing that one of the kids in the mission was the same kid he saw playing in the street earlier in the day.
    • And what causes the plan to get back on track? Sam realizing they can still pull off the "Christmas Future" part... while Al comments his unease as Sam stares at him intently.
      Sam: He's never gonna believe me again! I'll be lucky if I have a job in the morning! I mean, it would take a miracle to convince him that he's wrong! (stops and turns to Al)
      Al: (as Sam circles him, finger raised) You know something? I don't like that look on your face. Uh-uh.
      Sam: (in glee) We're Scrooging Blake, right?
      Al: (uneasy) Right.
      Sam: Right.
      Al: Right.
      Sam: And I think we should just keep at it...
      Al: Keep at it?
      Sam: ...and give him the Ghost of Christmas Future.
  • Al impersonates the Ghost of Christmas Future, chains and ghoul makeup and all... except it gets off to a rocky start, as Blake sees through Al's costume.
    Blake: Wait a minute... I know who you are! You're that jerk from the lobby. I recognize the bad clothes and the pale complexion.
    Al: Jerk?! I am the Ghost of Christmas Future!
    Blake: (chuckles) Yeah, right. The Ghost of Christmas Future wore a black robe. Jacob Marley wore the chains.
    • Eventually, Blake gets so fed up that he tries to punch Al... only to quickly realize Al's claims of being a ghost aren't false.
    • Al winds up getting into the role so much that Sam, who is pretending Al isn't there, has to signal to him to turn it down a bit.
• Towards the end of "Runaway", Al figures the reason why Sam still had yet to leap was because of the fact that the leapee's older sister keeps bullying her brother, as evidenced by the fact she wedgies Sam in the middle of Al's explanation. So, what does Sam do? Grab her and dangle her down a well headfirst, threatening her into promising to never torture him ever again. And as a reminder, Sam is currently supposed to be a thirteen-year old.
  Alexandra: (as Sam has her lifted onto his shoulder) Oh, who do you think you are now, Superman?!
  Sam: (mulls this over) Yes. (begins lowering Alexandra into the well)
• "8 1/2 Months" gets a few, thanks to the premise, though most of it is actually played seriously because of the leapee's situation: Sam leaps into a pregnant teenage girl living in the 1950's, presumably and subsequently making him pregnant too, or at least presenting the symptoms. While initially disturbed about the whole thing, Sam feels the baby kick and happily tells Al, then gets excited when he has hot flashes. Al rolls his eyes and insists that this could not possibly be the case because of basic biology, and that it's all in Sam's head, all while Sam is laughing his head off.
  • Suffering cravings, Sam eats some very weird food combos during this episode, whereupon Al attributes any physical symptoms to an upset stomach.
• "Future Boy" sees Sam leap into the middle of the taping of an episode of "Time Patrol", where the film crew and the producer are treated to the sight of Kenny Sharp^note the guy Sam leapt into suddenly forgetting how to act: he trips and falls to the ground getting out of the time machine prop, he waves to the camera upon seeing himself, he reads directly off of his cue card and almost reads Moe Stein's^note who plays Captain Galaxy before being interrupted, and delivers his lines so stilted and wooden, it's like he's made of balsa.
  • When Moe deviates from the cue cards to expose on how the future will be a better, peaceful one than the episode's "distorted" interpretation of 1987, the producer, Ben Harris, practically almost has a stroke.
    Ben Harris: (quietly; annoyed) Oh, my God... he's doing it again! (turns to his left) Get the commercial ready! Go!
    • "Has the whole world gone crazy?! Just because the Russians put a satellite in space, doesn't mean you two get to go into orbit, too!"
  • When Al shows up, wearing a black suit and pants, Sam is extremely worried and assumes someone died. Al actually is wearing this attire because he has to go to court that day.
    Al: My third wife is suing- (quietly; unsure) No, fourth, fifth, fourth- fourth wife is suing me for more alimony payments, and the lawyer says it'd be better if I appeared a little...
    Sam: Grown up.
    Al: (sigh of exasperation) No, boring. (gestures to Sam's "Future Boy" costume) Which nobody could accuse you of being.
  • Sam has to film a "Mr. Scrub-O" commercial, and is forced into a giant moist-sounding steel wool costume. Al's response as he looks on in silent bafflement? "Boy, if only the guys at MIT could see you now."
    • And no, Sam hasn't spontaneously learned how to act; it takes him until towards the end of filming to realize he was supposed to be singing the jingle along with the backup dancers.
  • The seriousness of Moe being court-ordered into a psychiatric hospital is undermined by the utter ridiculousness of him jumping through the judge's window and scurrying away while wearing his ridiculous pyramid hat.
• Meta: Towards the end of one of Sam's sets in "Piano Man", Al cracks "'Play it again, Sam.' I always wanted to say that!"... even though he already did back in Season 1.
• During "Glitter Rock", as the band is heading back to the hotel, the band's manager, Dwayne, asks Sam^note who leapt into the lead singer, Tonic why they sounded so terrible that night^note point of note: Sam leapt in right in the middle of the concert. When Sam tries to pin the blame on the lyrics, Dwayne cracks "But you wrote them!"
  • After following the kid^note whose name is revealed to be "Philip Silbart" suspected of potentially killing Tonic in a few days time to his hotel room, Al wanders around trying to find some form of identification (as Ziggy currently only lists him as a John Doe). While Al wonders aloud how "those private eyes do it", the kid throws his wallet onto his dresser (in slow-mo), which exposes his ID.
    Al: (notices this) What was that? (looks at the wallet) Hmm... (glances upward) Thanks.
  • With Sam nervous with going out on stage again and performing in front of a large crowd, Al tries giving him some tips on how to act by citing famous musicians. In particular? Pete Townshend. And what follows is Dean Stockwell and Scott Bakula doing their best Abbott and Costello:
    Al: Or, oh, oh, oh, do Townshend.
    Sam: (confused) Who?
    Al: That's right.
    Sam: What is?
    Al: Who.
    Sam: I don't know.
    Al: Townshend.
    Sam: Who?
    Al: Yeah, that's right. Pete Townshend of The Who.
    Sam: Of the what?!
    Al: Never mind.
    • And, as a last suggestion, Al mentions that in case "worse comes to worse", Sam should "do Milli Vanilli"^note meaning Sam should lip sync.
    Sam: Who?
    Al: (annoyed) That's what I suggested in the first place! Now, get out there!
  • Towards the climax of the episode, the list of suspects of who kills Tonic is whittled down to three people: Philip^note who claims to be Tonic's son, Flash^note who is angry with Tonic due to not playing any of his songs, and seemingly trying to steal his girl, Sandy and Dwayne^note who Sam discovered is embezzling from the band. And Al is simultaneously suspecting of all three.
    Al: It's Flash! He's the killer, and he doesn't want to kill you about his songs, he wants to kill you because of that girl... that Sandy!
    Sam: Al, you've been certain about three different people.
    Al: Yeah, but this time, I'm really certain. And now you don't have to know who to look for because it's definitely him. Or Dwayne. (uncertain) Or Philip.
    Sam: You done?
    Al: Definitely.
• Right at the start of "A Hunting We Will Go", Sam finds himself handcuffed to a woman, Diane, who proceeds to get two people nearby to beat Sam up under the claims that he's abusing her... only for them to discover the warrant for her arrest in Sam's pocket when trying to find the handcuff key. It quickly becomes apparent that Sam leapt into a bounty hunter... except both men and Sam himself fail to remember the term. Diane has to be the one to point it out.
  • Al recognizes the Belligerent Sexual Tension between Sam and Diane, and explains the Five Steps of Love: Denial, Sex, Marriage, Divorce, and, if you're lucky, More Sex.
  Sam: Who wrote this list, you or Zsa-Zsa Gabor?!
  • While stuck in a barn for the night, Sam manages to tie up Diane in a chair to stop her from escaping again. He asks if she wants to sleep in the chair or the hay in the barn, and she requests the latter. So Sam just pushes her chair onto the hay-covered ground and leaves her there.
• Right at the end of "Nuclear Family", the Cuban Missile Crisis is over, and Mac has no idea what to do with his fallout shelter company now that people are cancelling their orders. Sam suggests rebranding the company and selling swimming pools instead. Al has a good old laugh fit over Sam's idea... until Ziggy churns out new data, revealing Sam's suggestion gives way to the biggest swimming pool construction company in South Florida.
• Al's alphabet rap in "Shock Therapy". This show went to some very strange places.

Season 4

• In "The Leap Back", Sam's delight at being the hologram for a change. Also, Sam being the one who makes dirty jokes (and his reaction afterwards, every time), leaving Al with the "choir boy thoughts" - and hating every minute of it. Perhaps best of all, Sam is having the time of his life pulling hologram pranks.
  (door swings inward, swinging thru and revealing Sam)
  Sam: HELLO, BAY-BEH~!
  Al: GAH! Don't do that!
  Sam: Muahahaha! Revenge is mine, thus sayeth the hologram! (starts 'swimming' thru Al) Pwah, pwah, pwah...
  • Despite Sam's attempts to calm him down, Al refuses to believe that he has become the one with the swiss-cheesed brain. So, Sam decides to ask for one detail: his last name.
    Al: (laughs) You think I've forgotten my last name?
    Sam: (mirthfully; arms behind back) I'm about to bet on it...
    Al: ...well, you'd lose! ... ...it's Beckett. Al Beckett. Ha!
    Sam: (smugly) It's Calavicci. Al Calavicci. Ha!
  • Once the inital high of being a hologram wears off for Sam, he realizes he's back in 1999 and decides to exit the Imaging Chamber... except he can't find the door, he can't use the handlink^note as it's with Al in 1945, and for some reason, Gushie isn't opening the door for him. And so Sam and Al, despite the latter not being in the Imaging Chamber, proceed to repeatedly yell Gushie's name in the middle of the town... which is what the milkman, Mike, bears witness to as he gets out of his milk truck.
    Al: (to, from Mike's perspective, nothing) You find the door! I don't know where the door is!
  • Sam attempts to downplay the amount of time Ziggy would keep the Imaging Chamber locked down due to a potential radiation leak by stating the length isn't long "in a cosmic sense"... before immediately clarifying it would be 1600 years.
  • While Al has breakfast in the diner, he and Sam overhear Mike flirting with the cafe's owner, Kelly; in particular, their discussion about how he keeps slipping her an extra pound of butter, and her jokingly remarking that "[she] didn't know [she] was swappin' sugar for it". Cue Sam saying the worst possible thing he could:
    Sam: (as Al pours sugar; jovially) Well, if a pound of butter is all it takes, I got me a dairy farm that I-
    (Al drops the sugar as Sam freezes in shock)
    Al: S-stop that!
    Sam: (franticly; approaches Mike and Kelly) Oh my God, I am so sorry! That's a terrible thing to say, I don't know what came over me, why I would- (abruptly turns to Al) Yes, I do! (marches over to Al) Yes, I do! This is all your fault!
    Al: (defensive) My fault?!
    Sam: Yes! When I leaped I must've gotten part of your lecherous side in during the leap-! (grunts in annoyance)
    • As a friendly reminder, not only was Sam's attempted apology pointless as, again, he's a hologram, but he and Al proceed to argue as if Mike and Kelly aren't even there.
      Sam: (horrified; to Al) Oh my G- you've got a filthy mind!
      Al: (defensive; pointedly) You're the one saying all the dirty things!
      Kelly: Sorry, Tom... I guess we all need to wash our minds out with soap after this war...
  • Ziggy seems to dwell in Bathos. While Al is in mortal peril, the Literal-Minded Ziggy gives Sam an answer out of left field that momentarily stuns him.
    Sam: C'mon Al! You've gotta wake up!
    Ziggy: I just explained, Doctor. Admiral Calavicci cannot regain consciousness for another eight point seven—
    Sam: Dammit, Ziggy, tell me something I don't know!
    Ziggy: [beat] Tina is having an affair with Gushie.
    • A few moments later, while Sam is rapidly stripping his clothes in preparation for donning a Fermi suit and everyone else in the Project is preparing the accelerator, Ziggy chimes in with, "Mmm, great legs, Doctor."
• "Raped" (Paired with "Awesome")
  • Sam is sitting outside, confused as to his purpose and why he hasn't leaped, as he's pressed charges and testified against the attacker, who's somehow been acquitted. Suddenly, the guy shows up, and makes it quite clear that he's going to assault her again (by punching them to the ground). This time, however, he's dealing with Sam Beckett, who gives him one of the most satisfying Groin Attacks in the history of television, gets to his feet, and matter-of-factly declares:
  Sam: I think I know why I'm here, Al. [proceeds to beat the crap out of the guy]
  • It's capped off by Al casually tapping off his cigar ashes onto the guy's prone body.
  • Not to mention the girl's father's incredulous reaction at seeing her rapist's prone body—"You did that yourself?!" Because of course, he still sees her as a delicate little slip of a girl instead of the 6'3" Sam that the audience sees.
• In "The Wrong Stuff", Sam leaps into a chimp that's part of the space program. Just about the whole episode is great, but there are a couple of moments that stand out. In one scene, the female doctor is looking Sam over:
  Sam: Look, I don't have a temperature! (presses her hand to his forehead, she goes for a thermometer) Okay, fine, take my temperature. Aaaaaaah! Aaaaaaah!
  (The doctor goes around behind him)
  Al: Uh, Sam? I don't think she's gonna put that in your mouth...
  Sam: (as the doctor makes him bend over) Aaaaaaah boy...
• In "Unchained" when Sam and Al are trying to figure out who killed a man who didn't die in the original history.
  Sam: Look, most murder victims are killed by people that they know, right?
  Al: Right.
  Sam: Who would have the best reason to kill Jake?
  Al: (eyes light up) Ooh! Does he have any ex-wives?
  Sam: (rolls eyes) A partner.
• In "Running for Honor", when Al (who throughout this episode was becoming convinced that by leaping into a potentially gay man, Sam himself was becoming gay) starts to show concern that Sam is drinking tea instead of coffee (despite the fact that Sam has been known to drink tea in the past), Sam goes off.
  Sam: What is with you?! Everything I do all of a sudden is wrong! The way I stand, the way I sit, what I drink! Does drinking tea make me any less of a man than somebody who drinks coffee? I mean, is every tea drinker in the entire history of the world gay to you?! Is that it? What about the Boston Tea Party? Was that like some kind of a gay boat festival or something?!
  • Towards the end, Sam needs to get out of his room to save Phillip's life, except there's two cadets stationed outside of his room. Al decides to come up with a plan, and the one he does almost makes him collapse in laughter. The plan? Have Sam pretend a shelf fell on top of him and got him on the ankle and, as one of the two cadets goes to get a doctor, transparently has the other go into his closet so he can be trapped. Not only does Sam blatantly close the door to the room after the second cadet leaves, but as the remaining one looks for a nonexistent ice pack on the top shelf:
    Sam: No, no, right behind there, in the back there, very high up. See it? (grabs the closet door) See it? (shuts and locks it)
  • After saving Phillip's life, Sam expects to leap at any moment. Al, however, informs him he has one minor thing left to do: The Big Race.
    Sam: I can't believe this! I mean, it's not enough that I save somebody's life, right? I got to win the damn race too?
    • Sam's rant becomes all the more funnier when you realize it was All for Nothing: Sam leaps out the second the starting gun fires.
• Right from the jump in "Roberto!", Sam leaps into a talk show host in the middle of conversing with the audience... only to literally get pulled into the middle of an arguement between a devil worshiping biker called "The Führer" and an animal right's activist, in a scene almost straight lifted from Jerry Springer:
  The Führer: HEY, ROBERTO! (drags Sam closer by the microphone chord) What about the First Amendment?! (the audience shouts in agreement) "Congress shall make no act... respecting the establishment of religion..." (yanks the microphone out of Sam's hand) "And prohibiting the free exercise thereof!"
  Activist: (gets up to thump The Führer's chest; pissed) Hey, that doesn't include animal sacrifices, and you know it!
  • A shoving contest soon breaks out as the audience eggs them on, with Sam trying to break up the fight... only to get headbutted in response.
    Sam: (picks up Roberto's phone; to Al) I got headbutted by The Führer!
    Al: Oh... What do you mean, you got headbutted by The Führer?!
• From "It's a Wonderful Leap", we have the opening seconds of the episode: Sam leaps in behind the steering wheel of a taxi cab. After taking a second to see his reflection in his rearview mirror... Angelita runs in front of the cab, and Sam runs her over.
  • After the theme song, we see Sam rushing to pull Angelita out from under the car and attempt to revive her with CPR. After pounding on her chest, Angelita promptly punches Sam square in the face.
    Angelita: Are you crazy?! What are you doing to me?!
    Sam: (dazed) I thought you... I was trying to save your... life.
    Angelita: By running me down and beating me up?
  • Just about all of Al and Angelita's interactions count as well, given how they clearly hate each other.
    Al: I don't know, I think it'd be kinda neat to have an angel like [Clarence] around. You know, one not so loud...
    Angelita: I'M NOT LOUD, I'M JUST PUERTO RICAN!
    • After Angelita admits she was intentionally ignoring Al in the hope he'd go away, she mentions he gives her the "jeebie-beebies".
      Sam: It's "heebie-jeebies".
      Angelita: What?
      Sam: (patiently) It's "He gives me the heebie-jeebies."
      Angelita: You too? (to Al) You see, you make us both sick.
  • Meta-wise, there's the fact that despite the episode being named after a Christmas movie, and involving an actual angel, the episode is set in May 1958, and aired on April 1st, 1991.
• Moments after leaping in at the start of "Moments to Live", Sam finds himself in the role of a doctor trying to save the life of a woman, only for her to die, and her husband to begin throttling him. After we come back from the opening credits, Sam shoves the guy away, and attempts to revive the woman, to the confusion of both his nurse and the husband. Upon realizing the wife is still breathing, Sam begins giving mouth to mouth... only for the woman to begin making out with him, while her husband asks someone offscreen what's going on. As it turns out, Sam leapt into the middle of the taping of a soap opera, and botched the scene.^note Even better is the implication that, given how neither actor was confused with how lost Sam was behaving upon leaping in, Sam really only ruined the scene when he tried being an actual doctor.
  • Sam is borderline disgusted to learn that Al watches soap operas.
    Al: What're you so uptight about? You just leaped into the hottest hunk on daytime television!
    Sam: (furiously taps the magazine his leapee is on) I'm on a soap opera!
    Al: (defensive) We prefer "daytime drama".
    • And the reason why Al likes soap operas? "Everybody... is sleeping... with... everybody."
  • When Sam tries to figure out from Al why he's there, Al tries to claim that something is wrong with Ziggy instead of admitting they don't know yet:
    Al: (unconvincingly) No, Ziggy, uh, had a new data search component installed, and we had to have it shipped in from Hong Kong, and I think that gave a little... jet lag to the modem of the floppy disc?
  • While Sam has lunch with someone who won a detergent contest, Norma Jean Pilcher, a different lady approaches the two and asks for a picture with Sam, asking Norma to be the one to take it. Norma then proceeds to transparently drop the camera in a soup bowl (presumably to preemptively remove any evidence that he was there that day).
    Lady: (shell-shocked) I just got this for my birthday.
    Norma: Really? Well, happy birthday. (to Sam) Shall we go?
  • In an extreme bit of Black Comedy, Al shows up to inform Sam that the leapee never made it to work on Monday in the original history... mere seconds before Norma proceeds to force Sam into a van at gunpoint.
  • While doubling as a minor bit of Nightmare Fuel, after Al gives Sam more info about Norma, he mentions her maiden name was "Norma Bates"... causing him to abruptly realize her name is the Distaff Counterpart to Norman Bates. Al then repeatedly tells Sam to pretend he never said that.
  • When Norma and her husband, Hank, leave Sam alone, he attempts to escape, only find that they locked the door, and painted the window shut. Al says he'll think of something, before abruptly reminding Sam that he's the genius and that he should be the one using his head. One moment of silence later, we cut to Sam bursting through the window, head first.
  • At the end of the episode, after Sam's kidnapping dilemma is resolved, the producer of the soap opera voices a notion of using the ordeal as episode material. Sam is unsure if this is actually ethical, prompting Al to remark that of course it isn't.
    Al: It's television.
    Sam: (looks at Al incredulously; leaps out)
• "Stand Up" guest stars Bob Saget, as he plays a comedian (Mack) with a bad temper problem; in fact, a good portion of the first act either sees him yelling at people, or attempting violence. In other words, you get to see Danny Tanner lose his shit for a good portion of the episode.
  • Right as Mack is in the middle of chewing out the night club owner, Al quickly informs Sam that he's about to get fired. Not five seconds later, the owner fires Mack and Sam.
    Sam: (to Al) Thanks for the advance warning.
    Lou: (to Sam) You got all the warning you need.
    • When Degorio decides to offer Mack and Sam (and Frankie) a two-week stint at his resort in Vegas, Lou immedately tries to claim they're unavailable, as they are still under contract with him. Mack angrily reminds him that he just fired them.
  • You'd think Sam would have an easy time leaping into a comedy act, right? Well, it turns out Sam has no sense of comedy (something he is well aware of). And when Al tries to help Sam work through this insecurity:
    Al: You're not supposed to be funny. You're a scientist.
    Sam: Well, thank you for sharing that. And if you tell me that you were a stand-up, (holds out a fist) I'm gonna... I'm gonna... pow!
    Al: You can't pow. I'm a hologram.
  • While it's a tense scene, there's the fact of the matter that Sam manages to resolve the conflict of Carlo Degorio wanting to kill Mack... with pie on his face.
    • And how does Sam settle the conflict? By claiming that Degorio is at fault for making moves on Frankie... when she is currently engaged to Mack. And keep in mind, Mack and Frankie had only resolved their Unresolved Sexual Tension mere hours prior. And not only does this work, but Degorio's immediate response? Whisking Mack and Frankie away so that he can plan out the wedding, to be held in his casino.
    • Hey, a very similar plan had worked fine in "Double Identity" - the last time Sam encountered a mob boss, Geno Fescotti, with a one-sided attraction to the Girl of the Week.
  • As a bit of absurdity, Sam decides, right before leaping out, to pie Al. And no, Al hasn't suddenly stopped being a hologram during this scene.
    • Although, there's a bit of Black Comedy at play, since following this, Sam leaps out... and into (as we learn next episode) a young Al "Bingo" Calavicci.

Season 5

• Towards the end of "Leaping of the Shrew", Al explains that in the original timeline, Nikos and Vanessa were unable to admit their true feelings for each other because, due to Nikos' navigation skills, they got rescued too soon. Or, as Sam comes to realize, part of the reason why he leaped into Nikos is because he sucks at sailing.
  • Before that, Sam is dumping stuff out of the life raft to lighten it. Vanessa throws a fit as he throws out "Grandmama's wedding dress" and then a large chest of "Grandmama's sterling silver" ("Sunken treasure!" Sam yells as he drops it overboard). He then grabs a vase...
  Sam: What? Is it grandmama's favorite vase?
  Vanessa: No. Grandmama. We wanted her here for the wedding.
  Sam: ...She can stay.
• In "Star Light, Star Bright", when talking to the leapee's grandson, Tim, Sam decides to bond with him by talking shop about guitarists. When Sam brings up Jimi Hendrix, and Tim expresses confusion about who he is^note since this episode is set in 1966; Hendrix doesn't explode onto the scene until the following year, Sam decides to show Tim how he plays by borrowing his electric guitar. Now, seeing Sam bust out some Hendrix-style licks while Tim looks on in amazement? Awesome. The fact that the camera pans to show the mirror image of the leapee, a 79 year old man, busting out those same licks? Awesomer.
• In "Promised Land", Al informs Sam that the reason why the Walters brothers are robbing the bank is because the bank is forclosing on their farm due to them being behind on a loan payment. And as Sam quickly realizes, the amount of the loan is the same amount they are holding up the bank for.
  Sam: T-they're robbing the bank to pay the bank?
  Al: Well, that has a certain symmetry to it.
• The basic plot of "A Tale of Two Sweeties" sees Sam leap into a bigamist, married to two different women, with two kids each. And it appears Sam will only leap out when he picks one of the two wives (as the leapee, Marty, can't make up his mind). The only problem? The odds for which wife Sam should pick are exactly 50/50.
  • Due to the fact that one of Marty's kids, Jessica, can see Sam and Al, Al (having learned quite a deal since "Another Mother") quickly convinces her that he's an imaginary friend and her dad is in disguise.
    • Likewise, we find out via Jessica that Marty has a gambling problem, something Al confirms.
      Jessica: Daddy's friend Al wants us to go now. He says someone's looking for Daddy.
      Rachel: (annoyed) Marty, have you been gambling again?
      Sam: What? (turns to Al; Al quickly checks the handlink and nods to Sam)
      Jessica: Al says yes.
      Rachel: Don't lie to me, Marty, you know it drives me crazy!
      Sam: (defensive) She's talking to my invisible friend, d-don't forget that!
  • After seeing Josh get upset over his sister Jessica constantly get her way, Sam decides to have a heart to heart with him about the difficulties of being an older brother. Josh... is less than impressed.
    Josh: (scoff) Come on, Dad.
    Sam: "Come on", what?
    Josh: Well, whenever we have a heart-to-heart, the next thing you do is you hit me up for cash.
    Sam: What?
    Josh': And you know I'm tapped out!
    • And when Sam insists he isn't doing that? Josh is annoyed that his dad is trying to beg, and insists "this is the last time".
  • Sam has to go meet Ellen and her kids at the movies... causing Rachel to become upset that he's running off to another "meeting". Sam's solution? Taking Rachel and her kids to the same theater. And they wind up at opposite ends of the same row. Short and sweet, Sam winds up experiencing a classic trope: the Two-Timer Date.
  • Part of the circumstances with the leap is that Sam has to prevent Rachel and Ellen from finding out about each other. The problem? As it turns out, unbeknownst to Sam, Rachel is Ellen's hair stylist.
    Al: (is reading from the handlink) Ziggy's freaking out.
    Sam: What's she sayin'?
    Al: She's saying "get the hell away from the win".
    Sam: The "win"? The what?
    Al: "Dow."
    Sam: (as Al repeats himself) "Dow"?
    Al: Oh, the window! (Sam looks to his right and is horrified) "Get the hell away from the wi-" (Al turns to the right) OH, THE WINDOW!
    (cut to the right... where we see the hair parlor Ellen and Rachel are at)
  • Being forced to pay off his gambling debts then and now, Sam proceeds to call up "Big Al" and ask for his help. His attention is stolen by the horse race on the TV next to him, and asks if it's possible to use Ziggy to figure out who wins. Al shoots that down hard, stating it's a rule of the Project to never use future knowledge for personal gain.
    Sam: Well, what idiot made up that rule?!
    Al: (bluntly) You did. (Sam's face falls) I tried to talk you out of it, but nooooooo!
    • Eventually, Al decides to go against the rules and get the info from Ziggy, armed with the knowledge that Lead Balloon won... except, by the time he does, Sam had already made a bet with the bookie, rolling the bones on Lead Balloon on a lark.
  • At the end of the episode, both Rachel and Ellen, after finding out about each other, and bonding over how much of a scumbag Marty is (as he keeps scamming them for money to use at the horse tracks), decide to leave him... which Sam quietly celebrates after they walk away. This prompts Al to become upset, as he quickly figures out that Sam had realized this was why he leapt into Marty, to blow apart his scheme. And then it turns out there's a third family Marty has...
    Son #3: Hi, Daddy!
    Sam and Al: ...ooooh, boy.
    (Sam leaps)
• At the end of "Liberation", Sam leaps out, only to find himself on a sound-stage, having leapt in right in the middle of his leapee being asked a question by a caller. That question, once Sam asks for it to be repeated? That one certain myth about men's feet. Completely flustered, Sam looks around the studio... only to see his reflection in the mirror above him.
  Caller: Dr. Ruth, are you there?
  Dr. Ruth!Sam: (in the reflection; hand to face) Oh, boy!
• "Dr. Ruth" features as its B plot Al getting relationship advice from Dr. Ruth. This includes a long scene where Al, dirty old man that he is, goes through a Hurricane of Euphemisms all to avoid directly saying the word 'breasts'. And he's so proud when he finally manages.
• The cabbie looking in the rearview mirror and seeing Dr. Ruth Westheimer jumping up onto cars is hilarious.
• One of the driving plots of "Blood Moon" concerns Al being absolutely certain that Sam had leapt into a vampire.
  Al: He has all the signs of the undead.
  Sam: And you have all the signs of the brain dead!
  • Hands down, the funniest moment in the episode is when Victor raises the dagger to sacrifice Alexandra, and the dagger gets struck by lightning Caddyshack-style. Victor freezes instantly, then falls backwards off of the tower.
  • Sam's reaction when he looks at his reflection only to find he doesn't have one!
    Sam: (voice cracking with fright) Al... (leaps out)
• "Return of the Evil Leaper" has poor Al having to endure Sam taking on Arnold's "Midnight Marauder" personality. Especially just moments after having a discussion over how Arnold should stop marauding, or he'll inevitably die.
  Al: Now what are you doing?
  Sam: I've got work to do!
  Al: What are you doing with that stupid hat on?!
  Sam: My mission!
  Al: Your mission, "schmission." Mission?
  Sam: Remember?
  Al: What about the odds?
  Sam: [heroically] The Midnight Marauder scoffs at the odds! [starts climbing out the window]
  Al: Sam, don't you wanna use the door?
  [beat]
  Sam: Ha! [climbs out the window anyway]
  • Sure enough, he gets to the quarry, finds out from Al and Ziggy that no one was fated to die in that particular race, and that he's there for no reason. He then has to quickly scramble away from a group of pissed-off frat boys while wearing the ridiculous Midnight Marauder garb.
  • Zoey has a laugh about Mike — the episode's villain aside from the evil leapers themselves — being expelled from college for cheating. It's satisfying to hear that he ultimately got his just desserts for putting people in mortal peril, but considering that the news came from Zoey, it's funny to think that between the good leapers and the evil leapers, no one liked Mike.
• "Goodbye Norma Jean" is a depressing episode about the twilight of Marilyn Monroe's short life, but leave it to Al to somehow make it hilarious. Sam's on edge about her poor mental health, when Al tells him to hurry up and get to the pool immediately. Sam fears the worst and runs outside, only to find that Al just wanted to show him Marilyn Monroe skinny dipping.
  Al: Sam, look at that. [Sam immediately turns around and tries not to look]
  Marilyn: Well, good morning! Is something wrong??
  Sam: Uh... [whispers to Al] ...you brought me out here for this?!
  Al: Are you kidding?!? It's like looking at Helen of Troy, or Botticelli's Venus!
  Sam: Naked.
  Al: Right!
  Sam: Wrong.
• Al's alternate future from "Memphis Melody," if Elvis Presley never makes it big: "Heartbreak Hotel" is recorded by The Monkees, and "Jailhouse Rock" is recorded by Tony Orlando and Dawn!
• From the finale, as the Bartender is attempting to provide Sam with a metaphor:
  Bartender: Sam, if you became a priest—
  Sam: [grinning] I've been a priest.
  [Beat]
  Bartender: ...so you have.