Funny / Ghost Stories

Given that this series has one of the only officially-sanctioned gag dubs, it's only natural that there would be many instances of this. Hell, the entire freaking dub is the very definition of Crowning Moment Of Funny. Moments are divided by episode, but running gags are listed first.

Please note this page is a work in progress.

  • The banter between the construction foreman and his hapless lackey.
    • "Just [verb] the [noun], [noun]-[verb]er!" "Sure thing… jackass."
  • Any time the dub makes fun of Engrish.
    • "NANIIII??!"
  • Any time the dub lampshades the Off Model animation.
  • A lot of things Momoko says qualify.
    "Verizon! Like Jesus, it never stops working for you."
    • This exchange…
      Satsuki: "Why don't you go bomb an abortion clinic or something?"
      Momoko: "You just wait. When our wonderful president finishes stacking the Supreme Court, we won't have to!"
  • Mr Sakata's obsession with his rival Hadley.
  • Any time the characters spontaneously scream.
  • The "BAYUM" Running Gag.
  • Every time someone or something dies, expect it to be compared to Christian Slater's career.
  • Many of the chants for the "spells" could qualify, as they often boil down to telling the ghost to fuck off.

Episode 1
  • Reiichiro: "Get back in here or you'll get your head chopped off!"
    • And later: "Now remember kids, just say no… to everything."
  • Gramps: "Why you want to live in your dead wife's house is beyond me. It's sick! You're sick!!"
    • His only other line: "When this bitch kicks, I'm movin' to Vegas."
  • Satsuki: "Monsters only get evil people like Republicans and we're not old enough to vote!"
  • Momoko: "HaveyouacceptedJesusasyourpersonalsaviour?"
  • Satsuki: "Kaya just showed up on the day of our mother's funeral... Our DEAD mother. You feel bad now?"
  • Satsuki: "Principals always look like lesbians." (one of the many early throwaway lines they turned into a Running Gag)
    • Keiichiro: "What's a lesbian?"

Episode 2
  • Satsuki lampshading an Off Model moment: "Oh wow convulsion that was weird. Okay…"
  • Mr Sakata's entreaty to the students to use a cursed toilet: "Don't hold it in. All your butts'll explode."
  • The principal: "Open your books and turn to page whatever!"
    • That same scene: "Where's your teacher? Better go check the girls' locker room…
  • When Hajime's getting sucked into the spirit world during the climax:
  • "I was beat up by an apparition of Gloria Steinem!"
  • This exchange:
    Satsuki: The real problem is that demon that's pulling a Linda Blair with my cat. I don't suppose you know any exorcists, or Al Sharpton?
    Momoko: I don't think he's a real reverend.

Episode 3
  • This exchange during when the kids decide to wish upon the cursed steps…
    Satsuki: I want a huge allowance and breasts… when I get older.
    Hajime: And when I get older, I want to fondle said breasts.
    • And later:
    Satsuki: I'm still poor and flat-chested.
  • This bit of Lull Destruction just before the episode's halfway point:
    Keita: (after a basketball backboard falls on him) Aren't any of you bastards gonna help me?!?
    • And a few scenes later (the next day in-story)…
    Hajime (nonchalantly) Keita's dead.
  • The Take That at the end of the episode against Chris Patton and Greg Ayres.
  • This episode contains the beginning of the Running Gag that Keiichiro is mentally deficient.
    Keiichiro: (babbles incoherently and then laughs)
    Amanojaku: I think [Satsuki]'s right. You are retarded.

Episode 4
  • The old school house statue giving us one hell of a Big Lipped Alligator Moment.
    Statue: [In a high-pitched voice] You have any books written by black people? [suddenly deep voiced] Yeh!
  • Satsuki trying to run.
    "This is what I get for skipping PE class... and my Liquid Paper habit..."

Episode 5
  • This exchange, demonstrating Momoko's hypocrisy.
    Satsuki: (seeing the ghost runner) Nice ass.
    Momoko: *gasp!* Do not lust in your hea—Jesus you're right.
    • Becomes something of a Brick Joke when the ghost is facing his own inner demon…
    Satsuki: (voice-in-head) Keiichiro believes in you! Nice ass. Keiichiro believes in you! NICE ass!
  • The gang is trying to find solutions to Keiichiro's bullying problem when Momoko politely gives her advice.
    Momoko: (offscreen) ISAIAH 63:1!!! (onscreen, calmly) Stride forward in the greatness of His strength.
  • Hajime's attempts to motivate Keiichiro in track practice using a call and repeat.
    Hajime: You want to be an air force ranger/ You want to live a life of danger/ You don't want to get raped by strangers.
    • and "Think of a big black man chasing you! [Keiichiro falls on his face] ...well, he's not racist."
  • The principal when he tells off Satsuki and Hajime…
    "Do you know what these parents'd do to me if we canceled? I'd have hear about little Billy and Suzie, and there's not enough booze in my office!"
  • This…
    Leo: "Oh-my-god-Oh-my-god-what-the-hell-is-happening-here-these-are-the-fastest-lip-flaps-I've-ever-had-to-sync!!"
  • Satsuki's lampshade hanging of a Dull Surprise moment.
    "Hold on… Give me a sec… But this hurricane!?"

Episode 6
  • The group keep mistakening Babasare for Barbra Streisand
  • How the ghost tricks Keiichiro into believing she's Satsuki...
    Babasare: (With Satsuki's voice) Move your ass.
    Keiichiro: It is you!
  • Even with the recent scares, the cast can't stop being deadpan snarkers.
    Satsuki: So... what, the stupid ghost made it rain? That's retarded.
    Leo: It's Babasare, not Storm from the X-Men.

Episode 7
  • "Thepeopleinmyhouselooklikemyfatherandmybrotherafteraneyemastersexambutit'snotthem!"
    • "Yeahboogitadidggitdagoogitydigdigdigtikikiti!!"
  • The scene where Satsuki and Hajime try to tell an already-mirrored Sakata about the curse, and mock his monotone voice.
  • When Leo gets back to his apartment and finds his mother playing a deactivated Playstation, and she responds…
    "Come rub my nipples."
    • Later, while on the phone to Satsuki trying to explain the situation, this exchange happens…
      Satsuki: "Is it the Manischewitz again?"
      Leo: "No, only three bottles this time. But that's not the problem. She's playing video games with the TV off!"
      Satsuki: "What's her score?"
      Leo: "Pretty good, actually. I'm not sure how, but she's got like a million points."
  • When Satsuki is at a loss on how to deal with the ghosts, Hajime chimes in:
  • This line from Hajime…
    "My B.S. Detector's goin' DING! I can read. Not well, but I can read! And THOSE! LETTERS! ARE! BACKWARDS! *Beat* Hello? Backwards? With the letters? Mirror image?"
  • Satsuki's Lull Destruction in the climax, poking a little fun at the animation…
    "Whoa. Whoa~! Wow! This is some trippy shit, homes!"
    • And after that:
    * "Wow, was I trippin', or did that work?"
  • Finally, Amanojaku's monlogue at the very end of the episode.
    "But then everything was already reversed, which world would be the real world? Would it be the mirror world or this one? Maybe the reflection we see is real. Ever thought of that? Isn't that just freaking you out? I mean, seriously, isn't that just whack crap? I'm playin' with your mind, man. And you know what the weird part is? I'm not even high! Not a bit. Totally sober."

Episode 8
  • According to Momoko, the Internet was a blessing from Jesus to spread the word of God throughout the world but paedophiles and muslims stole it and used its power to seduce children.
  • While waiting for Leo at the train station, Hajime was chasing Keiichirou with his not-Gundam repeatedly saying:
    Allyourbasearebelongtous, Allyourbasearebelongtous, Allyourbasearebelongtous, Allyourbasearebelongtous
  • When Leo abruptly ends his phonecall with Hajime, Hajime assumes it's because Leo had a booty call.
  • This line from Leo:
    They've been left behind, forgotten… like a Black family in Bush America!

Episode 9
  • This one is pretty much a Crowning EPISODE of Funny. Nearly every single line is gold.
  • At the beginning of the episode, when Satsuki sees Mio for the first time:
    "Ohhh, her... Ohhhhhh... Ewwwwww..."
  • Upon seeing Mio's talisman…
    "It's a Nick Nolte voodoo doll!"
  • Just about every single word that comes out of Mio's mouth in the second half of the episode.
    "So I dragged my happy ass out in the pourin' rain." [mockingly] "'Come bring me back to life!' he says. 'I'll be good, I promise!' he says. 'I won't turn into a big, ugly, horrible, monster rabbit…' *inhales* HE SAYS."
    "Shirotabi, please forgive me for bringing you back to life. I know now that it could never work between us! As much as we wanted to it could never be! Not because you're a rabbit, but because you're Black."
  • The main characters observe Mio from behind a low wall, where they're easily visible. Leo points out he doesn't think they hid very well. Sure enough, just two seconds later, Mio mentions in her speech to Shirotabi that she can see them.
  • Mio lampshades the fact that she's doing every cliche thing you're not supposed to do in a horror setting.
    "And in the movies, this would be the part where I foolishly trust you not to kill me. …And stick my hand in the cage!"
    *Bunny starts to transform*
    "You son of a bitch!"
  • Mio talking about Shirotabi:
    Mio: When he died I was so sad that I would never hear that voice again... His laugh...
    Shirotabi: [very low pitched & ugly laugh]
    Mio: His funny little requests...
    Shirotabi: Touch me.
    Mio: His reprimands...
    Shirotabi: Touch me harder!
  • Mio's reaction upon seeing Shirotabi's offspring.
    "YOU TWO-TIMING SON OF A BITCH! WHOSE GONNA TAKE CARE OF THESE LITTLE BASTARDS?!"
    • Sakata's explanation immediately before that…
      "You see, the boy bunny has this thing called a penis, and he puts that in the girl bunny's vagina. The girl bunny then starts thinking she owns that penis! Isn't that just awful?"
  • As mentioned on the main page, they turn the Everybody Laughs Ending on its head by adding in a Space Whale Aesop about paying child support on time.
    "Deadbeat dads are not cool!"

Episode 10
  • They managed to make the trailer for this episode hilarious.
    Scary Black Man: "Yo, du'! 'Dere's dis dark tunnel, an' once you get up in 'dere, you ain't never comin' out! Think I'm lyin'?! Hell naw dis nigga ain't lyin'! Think I'm messin' wit'chu?? F*bleep* you, man!! …What am I talkin' about?"
  • Hajime's reaction to coming across a roadworks barricade is pretty great:
    "Oh perfect, it's in Japanese. Jing chong nong ning tao. Wait, that's Chinese. Luckily I can speak barricade.
  • The scene where Hajime and Satsuki carry milk bottles becomes a lot funnier when Hajime's facemask makes him The Unintelligible.
  • Most of the taxi driver's dialogue, but particularly his opening rant.
    Driver: "I know what you're all thinking – Why aren't I Pakistani or some stoned, dreadlocked Jamaican? Well, you're all just being racist. Creepy Japanese men can be cab drivers too, you know."
  • The exchange between the driver and his daughter…
    Daughter: "Daddy? Cinnamon called and said you should get tested."
    Driver: "Oh that Cinnamon. Such a kidder."
    Daughter: "Maybe you could cheat on your test like you taught me for math!"
    Driver: [mockingly] "I'm clean, I promise!"

Episode 11
  • Momoko's reaction to Satsuki's clothes.
    "James 1:14 'Each one is tempted by his own evil desire.' But I think your skirt is helping them out, Slutsky - I mean Satsuki."
  • Satsuki being a dick to Keiichiro and her family.
    (picking up plates after dinner) What kind of four-year-old eats bell peppers. Come back here! I am not doing these dishes alone again! I mean it! I'm not the damn maid! Hey, listen, dad, how about you and I discuss your non-corporal-punishment stance? Gah! Don't eat his crumbs, we're not poor!
  • A Brick Joke from the previous episode:
    Mr Sakata: "Later, kids. I'm off to hook up with this 'Cinnamon' chick."
  • "I'm Merry Mary!" (Very loud coughing and hacking) "I'm at the cigarette store!"
  • This line about the building used at the episode's climax.
    Hajime: "Just a sketchy, scary, abandoned square-dancing hall. Toby Keith played here (Nazi)."

Episode 12
  • Turning what was meant to be a touching pinkie-promise moment into "pull my finger".
  • Amanojaku turning an Off Model moment into cracking jokes about Keiichiro's supposed mental deficiency… right after he mentioned losing his entry form for the Special Olympics.
  • Good ol' Dad bringing up molesting a doll in the last episode.
  • Momoko is priceless in this episode.
    • Her backstory from before she was born again:
      "Remember how I told you I met your mom at the Exodus Homosexual Conversion Camp? Well, that was only one floor of the hospital. The floor I was on was the rehab wing. Before I met Jesus, I was really f*cked up. And a slut. Anyways..."
    • Her revealing the backstory of Satsuki's parents:
      "She starts going on and on about how there's this party, and she gets wasted, and she'd never slept with a guy, and go figure, she gets knocked up, and now she thinks she's gotta marry this dude... you know where this is going, don't you?"
    • And her thoughts on Satsuki's mom:
      "Looking on the bright side, she must've been bi, because you've got a little brother. I mean, she slept with the guy at least twice. I mean, she didn't have to have you..."
  • This line from Satsuki: "I come from a long line of quasi-lesbian ghost killers! I'm not afraid of your ugly draggy ass!"
  • Kayako lampshading how some of the photos in her album were Off Model.
    "Oh, and your father always thinks it's so cute to cross his eyes in pictures—SEE? SEE? Lo-look, he did it there!"
  • Most of Kayako's letter in the English dub. She wrote her kids a last letter while dying in the hospital - but was on pretty heavy drugs the entire time and was clearly tripping balls. Not to mention the total lack of a filter in a letter to her children.
    "I hope I didn't put that pink suit picture in there... Oh, God DAMMIT!"
    "But the truth is, despite all his flaws, I really did love [your father]... and the hot, sweaty, wall-slammin' sex we used to have! Wooooow!"

Episode 13
  • Hearing Tamaki express his love for boobs as Da Vinci is priceless.
    • "Let's see… Purple. For your hair. *heh* Can't tell this is a goddamn anime.
    • "Motorin'~"
    • Vic being credited as "Obi Frostips".
  • When the kids first see Da Vinci:
    Satsuki: "It's Maria Shriver!"
    Da Vinci: "That's Mrs. Schwarzenegger to you!"
  • "But if someone were to paint the same painting I painted, Da Vinci will probably be reborn... oh, that is just bullsh*t is what that is!"
  • This conversation:
    Amanojaku: Isn't it ironic - dontcha think? Daughter unwittingly paints the picture that brings back the ghost mommy banished. Someone call Canada! We need Alanis Morisette, STAT!
    Satsuki: I ought know...
  • Da Vinchi's rants about painting The Last Supper are doubly hilarious when you conceder the fact that Vic is a stout christian.

Episode 14

Episode 15
  • The cursed chant.
    "F[bleep] me Satan! F[bleep] me Satan! F[bleep] ME SATAN!!!"
  • Amanojaku's greatest line: "Run! She's a ghost AND a bitch!"
  • The many take thats given to Vic Mignogna, including Satsuki's ending narration.
    "Actually, I never really dated Vic. He had terrible body odor. But then one day, he was abducted by some gay Hells Angels, and was Never. Seen. Again."

Episode 16
  • "LOOK OUT, TED!"
  • The montage of poor people jokes:
    Hajime: So that's where the minorities live.
    Keiichiro: I'm gonna get bet up, aren't I?
    Satsuki: More like mugged and sodomized.
    • And later, as they sprint up the stairs:
      Hajime: Now I know why poor people bitch all the time!
      Leo: I'd hate to be carrying all those babies!
      Momoko: If they have to climb stairs like this everyday, why are they all so fat?
      Satsuki: I saw Supersize Me. It's the french fries!
  • The show finally becoming comfortable in its audacity and removing the sound effect bleeps.
    Satsuki: [to a doll she found on the floor] "Looks like it's just you and me, Raggedy Ann."
    Doll: [obviously Satsuki voicing it] "Call me Barbie!"
    Satsuki: "Fine. Looks like it's just you and me, Barbie." [looks at the camera] "I'm going fucking crazy!"

Episode 17
  • Hajime has two extra lip-flaps where the Japanese voice actress said Baka. What does he say in English? "I'M HUNG!!"
  • The pay-phone scene.
    Voice: "The number you have dialed is no longer in service. HEY! Maybe if they'd pay their fucking phone bill, you could call again!"
    Satsuki: "Asian trash."
  • Yuki's scream.
  • Yuki (who is no older than eleven) openly espousing her theory about a man's race contributing to his penis size… then admitting she's "a size-queen from the word go".
    • That leads to this exchange during a demon attack…
      Hajime: "Don't worry, Yuki! I'll stand extremely close to you!"
      Yuki: "You're gonna have to stand closer. I can't even feel it!!"
    • …which leads to Yuki completely losing interest in Hajime, ignoring him when he offers to stand near her again.
  • "I'd put that down if I were you. All our furniture and electronics have tracking devices. I've seen your kind here, before. Jew."
  • Yuki and the others are discussing the blood red lake, but Hajime tries to tell her that it's just a regular blue lake:
    Hajime: "No, I'm serious, bitch! *points at lake* I swear to God, blue.
    • "Sure it might be blue now, but soon it will be redder than Republican Texas."
  • This piece of dialogue when Miyuki's picture starts leaking blood from the picture frame:
    Yuki: *screams*
    Hajime: "Don't do that!"
    Yuki: "I can't help it! Can't you see what's happened to the picture!? The one beside the bunny, ASSHOLE!"
  • About 11 minutes into the episode, when the group sees Miyuki's hat in the lake, the voice actors all start spouting off random dialogue that doesn't make sense at all to what's going on in the episode, or what they're saying to each other for a good 20 seconds.

Episode 18
  • Most of the lines from the female teacher, Bobbie Matsushima, are gold. Like this rant, given to Satsuki:
    "So I was busy giving you an F on that terrible term paper you did, when the girl came in complaining of cramps. Well, I tried to be consoling… but I really don't like her. If her mother didn't tell her what a fucking bitch blood and pain is every month, it's not my goddamn problem."
  • On the one hand, this episode has probably the most dated jokes in the series, thanks to Hilary Haag's anti-Bush rant where she makes explicit reference to the botched government response to Hurricane Katrina.note  On the other hand, anyone who remembers the era will likely find humor in the somewhat-less-dated slams of NPR and Clarence Thomas.
  • Amanojaku gives us this gem after explaining the Monster of the Week to the group:
    "God, you are four of the ugliest fucking kids I've ever had the misfortune of ever laying my eyes on, I can't wait for this bitch to kill you."

Episode 19
  • Luci Christian's dead-on impersonation of Nancy Grace during the Cold Open, where she refers to Anderson Cooper as "America's favorite homosexual newscaster". Hilarious in Hindsight when you remember that this dub was recorded in 2005; Cooper didn't come out of his Transparent Closet until six years later.
  • Replacing Momoko's female stylist cousin from the original Japanese with a Camp Gay man. Then this…
    Stylist: [to Satsuki] "*scream!* My product! *scream!* My face! *scream!* Your face! *scream!* …GET OUT!"
  • The kids' reaction to the motorcycle ghost getting trapped in the clown doll's head. As the head rolls towards them and the ghost starts trying to break out, they all stare at it in utter confusion, asking "Huh?". Then when the ghost manages to free his front wheel (but nothing else), they start laughing.

Episode 20
  • Adding in new sound effects for Rule of Funny
    • Turning the crank to close the fire door in the old schoolhouse plays "Pop Goes the Weasel".
    • The procession of ghosts past a window is overlaid with barnyard noises.
  • Amanojaku's Pre-Mortem One-Liner upon making his Heroic Sacrifice
  • Nearly everyone in this episode has End of Series Awareness, and mentions it constantly.
    • Satsuki's final line: "Show's over."
    • Amanojaku engages in one final bit of Lull Destruction: "I'd like to thank my agent for getting me this part…"

  • Episode 3 has a Take That against Chris Patton and Greg Ayres, Hajime and Leo's voice actors near the end.
    • And then Episode 12 has one for Amanojaku's voice actor, Rob Mungle.


http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/GhostStories