Dr Evil's description of his childhood especially:
Dr. Evil: The details of my life are quite inconsequential.
Therapist(Carrie Fisher): Oh no, please, please, let's hear about your childhood.
Dr. Evil: Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.
In fact, just about every scene between Dr. Evil and his son.
Scott: I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet.
Dr. Evil: An evil vet?
Scott: No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo.
Dr. Evil: An evil petting zoo?
Scott: You always do that!
When Austin gets back his stuff after being reanimated:
Clerk: One blue, crushed velvet suit.
Austin: Hey, all right!
Clerk: One frilly, lace cravet.
Austin: There it is!
Clerk: One silver medallion with male symbol. One pair of Italian boots.
Austin: Bon giorno, boys.
Clerk: One vinyl record album. Burt Bacharach plays his hits.
Austin: Right, yeah.
Clerk: One Swedish-made penis enlarger pump.
Austin:(to Vanessa) That's not mine.
Clerk: One credit card receipt for Swedish-made penis enlarger signed by Austin Powers.
Austin: I'm telling ya baby, that's not mine.
Clerk: One warranty card for Swedish-made penis enlarger pump, filled out by Austin Powers.
Austin: I don't even know what this is! This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby.
Clerk: One book, "Swedish-made Penis Enlargers And Me: This Sort of Thing Is My Bag Baby", by Austin Powers.
"She looks like she's been hit with an ugly stick!"
After finding out that Number 2 failed to get laser-armed sharks....
Dr. Evil: You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that can not be done. Can you remind me what I pay you people for? Honestly, throw me a bone here. Alright, what do we have?
Number 2: Sea bass.
Dr. Evil: .....Riiiiight.
Number 2: They're mutated sea bass.
Dr. Evil: Oh, really? Are they ill tempered?
Number 2: Absolutely.
Dr. Evil: Well, it's a start.
"That makes me angry! And when Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset! And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset ... people DIE!"
"Who throws a shoe, honestly? You fight like a woman!"
When Austin tries to turn around in his motorized tour cart during the finale. Instead of merely backing up down the hallway, he tries to do a Y-Turn with a vehicle in a really narrow hallway. The whole concept is so ridiculous it's great. In particular, the part where he looks backward but accidentally drives forward is hysterical.
The gambling scene. It's so dumb it's great.
Number 2: Hit me. Dealer: You have seventeen, sir. Number 2: I like to live dangerously. Dealer: (turns card) Four. Twenty-one. (crowd claps; Austin is dealt his cards) Five. Austin: I'll stay. Dealer: I suggest you hit, sir. Austin: I also like to live dangerously. Dealer: Twenty-one, beats your five.
From The Spy Who Shagged Me:
The following sequence when Dr Evil's phallic rocket arrives at Earth in the second Austin Powers movie:
(Noticing Dr. Evil's spaceship on radar)
Radar Operator: Colonel, you better have a look at this radar.
Colonel: What is it, son?
Radar Operator: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant...
Jet Pilot: Dick. Dick, take a look out of starboard.
Austin: (takes a sniff of what he thinks is coffee) Phew! Basil, this coffee smells like shit! (The camera follows Basil's gaze to the pot, which is labeled Fat Bastard Stool Sample) Basil: ...it isshit, Austin. Austin: Oh good, then it's not just me. (chuckles, then takes a sip) ...it's a bit nutty.
When Felicity shows off her breasts to a henchman:
Dr Evil: "I'd just like to point out that no one else in my gene pool runs like a girl".
Just as amusingly, this might turn out to be a big, fat lie in a blink-and-miss it moment around the climax of the film.
Another famous Mood Whiplash: "It did sound a little wet, there didn't it? Right at the end! Oooh! Heh heh heh. Let's have a smell, all right? Oh, everyone likes their own brand, don't they? Oh, this is magic! Hmmm, wafting, wafting. Ok, analysis. Ooh, smells like carrots in throw-up! Oh that could gag a maggot! It smells like hot sick ass in a dead carcass! Even stink would say that stinks! You know when you go into an apartment building and you smell the other people's cooking on each floor and you go "What are they cookin'?" That, plus crap!"
Oh, and by the way? I do have a huge rod... I wish.
Nigel Powers discussing about Mini Me's .... thing.
Nigel Powers: So, little fella, I'm curious. Is everything in proportion?
(Mini-Me nods unsure)
Nigel Powers: You know, your bobby dangler, giggle stick, your general-two-colonels, master of ceremonies... Yeah, don't be shy, let's have a look.
(Mini-Me unzips his pants)
(* thump* )
Nigel Powers: My word! You're a tripod. What you been feeding that thing, eh? It looks like a baby's arm holding an apple. Good thing is, if you ever get tired, you can use it as a kickstand!
(Mini-Me nods, smiling, then does just that)
"Blimey! I thought I smelled cabbage."
It's a Brick Joke, Austin once claimed in the first movie that he hated carnival folk. "Small hands, you know, smell like cabbage." Also because when Nigel was at school, one of the staples of a school dinner was boiled cabbage, so much so, that kids coming home from school used to smell of the stuff.
"Alright, let me find my balls, for God's sakes! 1, 2, and 3, okay. I'm okay."
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my submarine lair. It's long, hard and full of seamen!" (laughs, then notices he isn't getting any laughs from his submarine crew) "No? Nothing? Not even a titter? Tough sub..."
"I haven't laughed that hard since I was a little girl. Thank you."
And this little ditty:
Goldmember: Dr. Evil, we still have the ultimate insurance policy. May I present to you, the very sexual, the very toite, Austin Power's faja.
Dr. Evil: His what?
Number 2: His faja, Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil: His ferdjer? What's a ferdjer?
Goldmember: His faja. You know, the faja.
Dr. Evil: You know Goldmember, I don't speak freaky-deaky Dutch. Okay, perv boy?
Goldmember: Faja, his dad, dad is faja.
Dr. Evil: Oh, his dad. His * fa-ther*
Goldmember: Yes, I have a Dutch accent. Isn't that vierd?
"There are only two things I can't stand in this world: people who are intolerant of other peoples' cultures... and the Dutch."
Simple, yet hilarious misunderstanding:
Dr. Evil: Quid pro quo, Mr. Powers.
Austin Powers: Yes... Squid pro row...
This little piece of Dialogue which also doubles as an Awesome moment:
Nigel Powers: Easy Peasy lemon squeezy. Oh put the guns down is this your first day on the job or something. Look here is how it goes. You attack me and I knock you down with a single punch. Alright, Judo Chop *knocks first guard over.* Judo Chop *knocks second guard over, making the last guard standing there holding his gun nervously.* Do you know who I am? *nods* Do you know how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? *nods again.* Look at you, you don't even have a name tag! You've got no chance. Why don't you just fall down. *The guard falls over.*
Made even funnier on the DVD commentary, when Mike Myers imitates a fan who loved that joke: "When he threw that cupcake, man..."
The fake-out in the beginning where the action sequence is actually from an in-universe Austin Powers movie starring Tom Cruise as Austin, and Danny DeVito as Mini-Me.
Mini-Me: Hey assholes! (gives the finger) I'm Mini-Me! Come and get me!
The scene where Austin has to keep peeing to make it look like the fountain statue is still working. Why Austin ate asparagus is anybody's guess...
This bit, from the Austin/Fat Bastard scene:
Austin: You really are a Fat Bastard! Fat Bastard: You know, that hurts my feelings. I tried going on a diet. "The Zone", you know, "carbs are the enemy, and (mumbles)..." (notices Foxxy) Hey, who's your friend? Oh, I'd like to have a go with that filly. Do you find me sexy? (rubs his breasts erotically) Oh look at my titties! (moans)