Fanfic / Greyjoy Alla Breve

Greyjoy alla Breve is a completed Song of Ice and Fire Self-Insert fanfic created by Andrew J. Talon. It stars the author inserted into the body of 8 year old Theon Greyjoy on the day he arrived at Winterfell and explores the ramifications of starting an industrial revolution in the North.

You can find it on Spacebattles here. ShaiGar has been doing a mirror in FF.net here.

Its sequel Greyjoy allegro is here.

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Greyjoy alla Breve contains examples of:

• Action Girl: Well, of course. This is the North, and the addition of guns to the mix only increases the number of potential female fighters.
• Actually Pretty Funny: Theon's witty humor makes it hard for Brienne not to laugh.
  • Theon admits that the fact that a Lannister's idiocy and his desperate gamble did what the greatest minds and warriors of the past failed to do (bring down Maegor's Holdfast) is quite funny.
• Adaptational Heroism: Qyburn and Ramsay Bolton nee Snow.
  • Qyburn under Theon's authority is bound to an ethics committee that prevents him from committing inhumane experiments but is given a healthy budget for medical research. Qyburn's involvement was vital for Bran's recovery and rehabilitation.
  • Due to Ramsay becoming hopelessly fascinated with Theon's weaponry, he emulates Theon's inventiveness to be a better killer. He also finds socially acceptable targets for his experimental weapons in ferocious bandits, his blood thirsty nature being utilized in the North's war efforts whether it be threatening Joffery or terrorizing enemy soldiers.
  • Unlike in canon, the Freys and the Boltons play no part in the assassination attempt during Robb's wedding as the former are framed by Baelish and the latter are completely loyal to the North no thanks to their house actually prospering.
• Adaptational Jerkass: Stevron Frey. In canon, he was a Token Good Teammate and a talented diplomat. Here, while not disloyal or an antagonist, he's rather condescending towards the North until they show off their firepower.
• Adaptation Relationship Overhaul:
  • The most obvious example is Theon's relationship with the Starks. Since Theon is more loyal to the North and has helped it improve in every shape and form, he's more welcome amongst them instead of being a hostage. His relationship with Robb is the most prominent as it's drastically better than canon as they lightheartedly make fun of each other but still have one another's back.
  • The Boltons and Freys have no animosity with the North especially since they play no part in the Steel Wedding. If anything, the former is more loyal to the North since they're both respected and feared in equal measure, with Ramsay developing an Odd Friendship with Theon.
• The Alcoholic: Cersei, as per canon, but made worse becase (a) the Lannisters are getting pummelled at every turn and (b) Sansa is impervious to all of her insults.
• And This Is for...: After Arya cuts Tywin Lannister's throat, she whispers "For my father" before pushing him out of the balcony.
• Arranged Marriage: Robb Stark and Margaery Tyrell to cement an alliance between the North and the Reach.
• Audio Erotica: Roose Bolton, at least when he sings. Even Catelyn Stark and Olenna Tyrell are affected.
• Back for the Dead: Petyr Baelish returns to King's Landing (and the story) after a long absence, thinking about how he's going to manipulate Robb and Catelyn so he can take over as Hand... only for a Faith Militant member to appear out of nowhere and shoot him point-blank with a thunderarm.
  • A semi-canon omake has Littlefinger survive that shot, only for Robb and Ramsay - and later Catelyn, much to Littlefinger's shock - to kill him by making it look like the killer shot him twice.
• Badass Longcoat: Standard attire in the North.
• Bad Boss: Joffrey, to the utmost degree. When Lancel tells him they need gunpowder, as the men need it for training in the use of weapons and to get used to the noise, as well as mentioning their dropping morale, Joffrey walks to them pistol in hand... and proceeds to blow out one soldier's brains, telling the others that anyone that runs away will have their wives and daughters raped and sold into slavery as a way to "improve morale".
• Battle Couple: Robb and Margaery during the attack at their wedding feast.
• Big Damn Heroes: Robb and his men during the Battle of the Golden Tooth. Of course, Theon complains that he is late.
• Black Comedy: Ramsay Snow is a big fountain of this.
• Bodyguard Betrayal: When he sees that the war is lost for the Lannisters, Sandor Clegane knocks Joffrey out and gives him up to Robb, surrendering to him.
• Brandishment Bluff: During "negotiations" with Balon Greyjoy, when Balon decides to get his weapon secrets by kidnapping him, Theon declares that if they don't unhand him and let him send up the correct signal, the whole beach gets shelled with cannon fire and everyone dies. Theon has no such plan in place, but the Ironborn's resulting panic is ample time for Theon's backup to get the drop on them.
• Calling the Old Man Out: An epic one by Theon to Balon Greyjoy.
  SI!Theon: You're no king, no warrior, no noble. You just can't stand that the rest of the world is leaving you and your shitty society behind! 'We do not sow'-It sums it up perfectly! You build nothing, you create nothing, you inspire nothing. You are nothing, Balon Greyjoy! Especially not my father!"
  • Tyrion and Kevan are aghast when they learn Tywin sold several Northern prisoners to hire Unsullied soldiers.
  • Princess Arianne Martell to her father Doran over his unwillingness to join King Robb Stark’s Faction in war against King Joffrey Lannister and his grandfather Tywin.
• Chekhov's Gun: Literal example would be Margaery's gun. Given to her by Theon to defend herself from potential assassins and to promote gun ownership in noble women. Margaery would later use said gun against an assassin to protect Robb in the Steel Wedding
• The Chessmaster: A few too many - and Varys most of all, especially after Theon brings chess to Westeros.
• Chick Magnet: Theon Greyjoy. To his annoyance, as he is trying to play Celibate Hero until he can be sure the world is safe.
• Clarke's Third Law: To those that have not seen how Theon has been working, all of his inventions seem to be magic.
• Cluster F-Bomb: Daenerys drops one in a mix of Valyrian and Dothraki after she learns Robb is getting married to Margaery.
• Comedic Sociopathy: Euron Greyjoy, who demonstrates his particular personality during his talk with Sansa.
• Comically Missing the Point:
  • When Joffrey demands Sansa speak about the disturbing photos and letters Ramsay Snow has been sending him, Sansa replies that his photographic ability has been getting better.
  • Theon's Beleaguered Assistant Dan Greenstone is so up to his ears dealing with all of his boss's work back in Winterfell that when the local brothel offers their services to him for free due to his inspiring work ethic, he completely blows them off... until his sudden realization a moment later.
    Proprietor Marion Hill: We're happy to screw you! For free!
    Dan: So is the head of the Mechanics Guild, and I'm not falling for that again!
    Marion: I meant literally!
    Dan: So did they! Now, if you'll excuse me...?
    [Marion leaves in a huff]
    Dan: How in the hell am I supposed to get a damn thing done here if incredibly hot women are trying to get me to come down to their...
    [Sudden realization; Dan runs out of his office and shouts to his secretary]
    Dan: Taking the rest of the day off! Be back tomorrow! Reschedule everything!
• Complexity Addiction: One of the omakes has Tyrion tell Theon he has this problem. When faced with an obstacle, instead of changing plans, he will add more things to the original plan.
• Cool and Unusual Punishment: What does Robb do to Joffrey after capturing him and conquering the Iron Throne? Make him watch as Robb sits on the Iron Throne, gets a picture taken of him, and then turns what used to be the symbol of power in Westeros into a tourist attraction, where anyone, small folk or noble, can sit on the thing for a few coppers.
• Cool Boat: The Seawolf, a 200-feet long ironclad built by the Manderlys, armed to the teeth with all sort of cannons.
  • The Old Bear, the first Mormont ironclad. According to Word of God, modeled after the Spanish ironclad Numancia, the first of its kind to circumnavigate the world.
• Deadpan Snarker: About half the cast likes to snark from time to time.
• Death Seeker: Lancel Lannister, thinking his father and siblings are dead (they are not) throws himself into the last battle against the North, welcoming the chance to die and get away from Joffrey.
• Demolitions Expert: Theon is considered one in-universe with... mixed results.
• Determinator: Bran, trying to get back on his feet after he fell from the tower.
• Did Not See That Coming: Theon when Meera Reed reveals her family has been building a railway and a locomotive. He really had no idea of what was going on.
  • The South in regards to the North's prosperity and modernization. They only knew they were getting richer thanks to Theon's inventions. Then the War of the Five Kings started, and they got a prompt demonstration on why they should not have underestimated the North.
  • Tywin did know that his cupbearer could be dangerous... he certainly did not expect her to be Arya Stark, much less for her to cut his throat out while she was pretty much in the middle of enemy territory.
  • Petyr Baelish sure did not expect to get shot by a Faith Militant member when he arrived to King's Landing.
• Dissonant Serenity: Sansa is capable of remaining calm and nice even though she knows Joffrey or Cersei could order her death at any moment, and takes Cersei's insults like a champ. Of course, this enrages Cersei even more.
• Dramatic Irony: When Baelish makes his return after being missing for so long, he goes over his plan to manipulate Robb and Catelyn so he can marry her and then become the Hand, not knowing that both of them are well onto his plans and modus operandi, and Catelyn is actually hoping to be able to blow up his head. Of course, the sudden attack by a thunderarm-wielding Sparrow puts a stopper to that.
• Dramatically Missing the Point: When Jon tells the story of what happened during the Great Ranging, and he reaches the part where Mormont asks him to organize the supplies, Alliser Thorne decides to highlight the fact that Ygritte chose to affix herself to his hip.
• Driven to Suicide: Balon Greyjoy, after Theon captures him.
• Early-Installment Weirdness: In the beginning, it is established that Maester Luwin is the official inventor of everything Theon has been creating, but later stories have directly considered the creator of the technological wonders that have changed the world.
• Entertainingly Wrong: When Littlefinger considers Tywin's death, he thinks it was planned by Varys and Tyrion, who are trying to have him framed for the murder by using Littlefinger's knife. He follows a logical mental path that reaches that conclusion, and could be right... if it were not because it was Arya that did the deed after she stole his dagger, and whom he dismissed out of hand because she was just a cupbearer and was vouched for by Sandor Clegane.
• Epic Fail: Jaime tries to kidnap a female coach driver to get to King's Landing. He gets a shot of pepper spray to the face, a Groin Attack with a steel toed boot and re-imprisoned by the Starks. Tyrion barely manages not to laugh at his brother's misfortune.
• Even the Guys Want Him: Theon, straight as he is, acknowledges that Oberyn Martell is one to make people double check their own sexuality.
• Everyone Has Standards: Kevan, who usually follows his brother Tywin's lead, is left fuming at him after Tywin sells the Northern prisoners his army has made into slavery, just to buy enough Unsullied to halt the North.
• False Flag Operation: What Littlefinger had planned for the Steel Wedding, framing the Freys for killing Robb.
• Family of Choice: Theon "adopts" the Starks as his family.
• Firearms Are Cowardly: Subverted. A Self-Insert in the body of Theon Greyjoy introduces modern technology to Westeros. Among those technological advancements are firearms. Balon Greyjoy scornfully dismisses them as "coward's weapons". Of course, Theon points out that Balon wants those "coward's weapons" to give his Ironborn an advantage against the Northern navy.
• Flat "What": Amarda does a mental version when Catelyn compares Stannis and Renly with two children.
• Foil: Littlefinger muses about his similarities with Theon, pointing both of them started as virtual nobodies who rapidly became utterly indispensable to men in positions of true power, becoming themselves a genuine power in Westeros. However, Baelish will stop at nothing less than absolute power and his every wish fulfilled, while Theon is perfectly happy to play the second fiddle and supporting follower. Bonus points for their relationship with the Starks: Baelish despises them as Northern barbarians having stole Cat from him, and Theon embraces them as his Family of Choice.
• For Want Of A Nail: Obviously, Theon's industrial revolution changes a lot of thing. Among other things, Domeric Bolton is still alive - because Ramsay, instead of being obsessed with becoming heir to Roose, has turned to admiring Theon to very creepy levels.
• Framing the Guilty Party: Averted with Tywin Lannister's murder. Littlefinger, knowing that he might be the greatest suspect after he was the last person to meet with Tywin, considers the possibility of framing Tywin's cupbearer, since she actually was the last one to talk with Tywin, but after the Hound exonerates her and he latches onto another theory, he forgets the idea. Ironically, said cupbearer is Arya, who did indeed do the deed.
• Friendly Sniper: Meera Reed.
• Gatling Good: The Bolton Bolters.
• Gilligan Cut: Played With. After Renly's assassination-by-shadowbaby, Amarda points to all the evidence as other knights and Mace Tyrell arrive, indicating quite clearly that neither Brienne, nor Catelyn nor her are guilty of Renly's death. The next scene has the three of them imprisoned in a dungeon... minutes before Olenna shows up to set them free, having reached those same conclusions herself.
• Giving Radio to the Romans: Played with, nicely averting Medieval Morons. While SI!Theon does introduce many ideas, the people of Westeros do come up with many more of their own after Theon's kickstarting. Ramsay, for example, independently comes up with the paper cartridge, gasoline-powered tanks and bolters; the Reeds build a locomotive, a train and a railway based on ideas made by Theon, and the Karstarks become the creators of airships and bazookas and are on the path to heavier-than-air flight. Meanwhile, one of the pyromancers manages to make a more stable form of wildfire by mixing it with gunpowder, and Lannister men come up with ideas like an asbestos armor for the Mountain to push through fire without getting burned, the matchlock and the hwacha.
• Genre Savvy: Qyburn reveals himself well-versed in tropes, and urges Bran to fulfill his destiny by following his dreams. When Bran points that taking The Mentor role to the Kid Hero could get him killed, he acknowledges it is a possibility but stays determined to his goal.
  • When contemplating he needs to woo a dragon princess to save the world, Theon wonders when he became a shonen manga hero.
• Good Feels Good: Roose Bolton is surprised about this. He does not exactly understand it, but he does welcome it.
• Guns Akimbo:
  • Robb Stark qualifies with his twin pistols, "White Wind" and "Black Wind".
  • Ramsay fires two shotguns at the same time during the Steel Wedding.
• The Gunslinger: Many people in the North qualify.
• Happily Adopted: The Stark children have no problem to call Theon their brother, and Catelyn even lets him call her "mom".
• Hero of Another Story: Daenerys Targaryen, who decides to style herself after Robb in order to prove both to herself and others that she is worthy of the Iron Throne.
  • The Night's Watch "adventure" in their Great Ranging, which turns from an attempt to break them off into a big operation to save the wildlings from being killed and turned into wights.
• Heroic Comedic Sociopath: Theon turns Ramsay Bolton into one by directing him at socially acceptable targets. Among other things, he loves to send Joffrey letters where he explains in full detail how he is going to kill him, and very disturbing photos. By the time they take Kings' Landing, Ramsay is known throughout Westeros as "The Crimson Fucker" and is in full-blown Ho Yay for Theon.
  Theon: No problem, Ramsay. You have great talents, I just try to find ways for you to use them.
  Ramsay: You really complete me.
  Theon: Could you... Not say things like that any more? People are starting to talk.
  Ramsay: Which people? Can I kill them?
• Heroic Sacrifice: Qhorin Halfhand and several rangers stay behind to delay the wights (and blow up their reserves of dynamite) and give the rest of the Night's Watch and the wildlings time to retreat back to the Wall.
• Hidden Depths: Roose Bolton is a delightful singer.
• History Repeats: A mad monarch losing a war tries to destroy King's Landing with wildfire so that their enemy will not be able to get the city. Cersei starts the fire, but Theon's rapid thinking stops it cold - by bringing down Maegor's Keep.
• Hypercompetent Sidekick: Theon has two: Amarda Honn, his Right-Hand Hottie that accompanies him to war, and Dan Greenstone, the Beleaguered Assistant that remains behind in Winterfell - and who gets stuck with some of the worst parts of the job although he gets a small boon when the Winterfell prostitutes offer their services free of charge.
• Hypocrite: Balon Greyjoy calls the weapons Theon has invented (guns and cannons) "coward's weapons". Theon points out that Balon wants those "coward's weapons" because the Ironborn are getting beaten time and again by the Northern navy.
  • During one of his chats with Arya, she (under the guise of a smallfolk girl from White Harbor) tells Tywin that Theon seeks to make the world a better place. Tywin says Theon seems to be doing that by killing the Westerland's men. Arya struggles not to point out that it was him and Joffrey that started the war (by sending Clegane and his raiders into the Riverlands and having Ned killed).
  • For all that he claims the lords and ladies of Westeros pay no attention to the servants and smallfolk like he does, not even Littlefinger is immune to this. For example, he completely ignores Tywin's cupbearer's (Arya) presence right before he dies and latches on another theory of how Tywin Lannister got killed.
• Hypocritical Humor: When Loras Tyrell sees Theon wearing a bowtie, he says it looks a bit flamboyant. Of course, he's the one whose armor is adorned with flowers, and who is, in Theon's words, "gayer than Christmas".
• Idiot Ball: Stannis grabs it when he decides to impress a Northern trading ship, after losing much of his fleet in an attack on King's Landing, with the excuse that, since the ship serves Robb, it is crewed by traitors. All he gets is a Northern captain, several dead men (as the Northern crew obviously objected to being forced to fight for Stannis), the enmity of the North and a now rotten reputation that will prevent any ship from coming to trade with Dragonstone.
  • Tywin when he sells Northern prisoners to buy Unsullied soldiers. As Tyrion points out, this will ensure the North will not stop until Tywin drops very, very dead.
  • Some of the Free Folk and the Night's Watchmen (the usual suspects) grab it when, in the middle of fleeing from the White Walkers and the wights, they complain and continue to hold onto their prejudices and enmity between both groups.
• In Love with Your Carnage: You can tell that Ramsay's appreciation of Theon is pretty much because of this.
• In Spite of a Nail: Despite the advancements of the North, and Theon's efforts, Ned still becomes Hand of the King and gets killed.
• In-Universe Nickname: Theon "The Genius" Greyjoy, the Boomsquid.
  • Ramsay Snow becomes known as "The Crimson Fucker".
• Irony: Tywin Lannister and Walder Frey become incensed when someone (Joffrey) arranges a Red Wedding equivalent during Robb's wedding to Margaery Tyrell.
  • Of course, Ramsay's almost slavish adoration of Theon.
  • Brynden Tully finds darkly amusing that so many players - Joffrey, Stannis, Renly, Littlefinger - so desperately coveted the Iron Throne only to be denied it, while his nephew Robb very much rejects the possibility of becoming King of the Seven Kingdoms yet circumstances seem to conspire to give him the position.
  • Dorne is usually well-known for its independence and the Vale for its honor and chivalry. However, the former joined the North against the Lannisters due to Robb's killing of the Mountain while the latter was forced to stay neutral thanks to Lysa, condemning her to her bannermen.
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Ramsay is still the ruthless killer that he is in canon, but they're usually directed towards acceptable targets and his loyalty to Theon is undeniable, bordering on Hero Worship.
• Just Friends: Jorah Mormont feels down when Daenerys tells him he is her best friend.
• Kill It with Fire: Theon gives flamethrowers to the Night's Watch. Which become very useful to deal with wights.
• Know When to Fold Them:
  • Sandor Clegane, when it becomes obvious the Commonwealth is going to win the last battle. He knocks Joffrey out and swears loyalty to Robb.
  • After the fall of King's Landing and the Battle of Crossroads, Stannis gives up his claim and offers to go to the Wall as long as his daughter remains Lady of Dragonstone.
• Mad Scientist:
  • Theon can come across this way.
  • Qyburn.
  • Ramsay Snow.
• Master of Disguise: Meera Reed, who can disappear from everyone's sight in seconds. Nearly all of her appearances show her in increasingly complicated disguises.
• Morality Chain: Befriending Theon is the only reason why Ramsay Bolton isn't the Hate Sink that he is in canon. Not only does Theon not stop his desire to invent new weapons for the North, he also allows him to act upon his desire to kill on socially acceptable targets and only reining him in if necessary.
• The Musketeer: Due to widespread distribution of firearms, the North's elite troops are composed of these.
• Mythology Gag: A wedding is attacked by a group of musicians hired by the Freys. It is Robb's wedding to Margaery Tyrell, the attack was organized by Joffrey with some prodding by Littlefinger (the Freys had nothing to do with it), and the result is a huge botch that gives a large propaganda win to Robb and his allies. It becomes nicknamed "The Steel Wedding".
  • Someone saying "You know nothing." For extra Irony points, it is Jon Snow telling this to Ygritte.
• Noodle Incident: Several. One of them, apparently, led Catelyn Stark to demand that Theon try to explain what he was doing in every experiment that could explode.
• No One Else Is That Dumb/If I Wanted You Dead...: Tyrion figures out who instigated the Steel Wedding fairly quickly; though there are numerous individuals who had the guns and money to arm and pay for six assassins plus bribing Walder Frey, but if any of the usual suspects such as Tywin or Stannis had been behind it, the body count would have been a lot higher. The only one who would botch it this badly is Joffrey.
  Tyrion: Half a dozen men with twice as many guns and no way to reload them? If Stannis organised an assassination, he'd make sure it was done properly. This sort of... Bronn, what's the word I'm looking for?
  Bronn: Half-witted fuckery?
  Tyrion: Close enough.
• Not-So-Harmless Villain: Cersei Lannister is even more powerless here, since her son's realm is reduced to only four kingdoms, her family is losing the war and she even can't upset Sansa. Then she traps King's Landing by setting the old wildfire caches to explode for Robb's army and flees with her youngest son and Sansa.
  • Euron Greyjoy is genuinely insane, so much that Sansa and Daenerys think he will be easy to manage. He actually smuggled Melisandre in safety under Cersei's disguise and plots to rewind the timeline to change it by using his nephew Theon as a template.
• Obfuscating Stupidity: Theon when Balon Greyjoy tries to capture him.
• Odd Friendship: When you're able to befriend Ramsay Bolton, it inevitably boils down to this. Ramsay looks up to Theon and seeks to invent better ways to kill and while Theon is understandably disturbed by his habits, he grew used to them and encouraged him to direct his penchant for killing towards his enemies. Eventually, their friendship developed to the point where whenever Theon tells Ramsay to exercise restraint, he gets a little pouty but still listens nonetheless.
• Oh, Crap!:
  • Lannister troops when they encounter Ramsay ''The Crimson Fucker'' Bolton.
  • Margaery when she learns Robb has named her Regent of the North while Robb remains absent. She manages to keep it out of her face, but internally she is terrified.
• One-Man Industrial Revolution: Theon Greyjoy.
• Paranoia Gambit: To prevent Littlefinger from absconding with Sansa and attempting to play the "hero" in the eyes of Catelyn Stark for "rescuing" her daughter, Varys points out to Cersei that Robb might send people to get Sansa out. Cersei promptly places Sansa in the Royal Apartments and fires all of her handmaidens save for Shae and Tywin's cupbearer (Arya).
  • Accidentally by Ramsay. He visits Joffrey in his cell, and the former boy king goes spare waiting for Ramsay to act on all the letters and photos he has been sending him. Ramsay just leaves after a while (during which Joffrey has been shouting at him to Get It Over With)... which makes Joffrey believe that he is planning something horrible, when in fact Ramsay just felt pity for him and realized that doing anything to him would not be worth the effort.
• Placebo Effect: When he meets Theon before Robb and Margaery's wedding, Walder Frey effusively thanks him for his invention of certain blue pills that allow him to, ahem, perform. Theon is mystified by this... until he realizes that what Lord Frey is taking are just placebos he made for clinical tests.
• Politically Incorrect Villain: After getting drunk, an enraged Cersei rants at Sansa, accusing her of being a whore who slept with Robb, Jon or Theon.
• The Power of Rock: Ramsay takes to singing rock songs (written by Theon while drunk) like a duck to water. He loves to bring his band to the battlefield, and play while his men massacre their enemies.
• Pragmatic Villainy:
  • Tywin sells Northern prisoners into slavery to get enough money to buy Unsullied soldiers. Of course, as Tyrion and Kevan point out, this will all but ensure the North won't stop until they have rescued the enslaved Northmen and killed Tywin very, very dead.
  • Roose Bolton, unlike in canon, plays no part in the assassination during Robb's wedding and is wholly on the side of the Starks. Thanks to the North actually prospering due to numerous inventions, his children actually in positions of power where they're not only feared but also respected and he himself also receiving an immensely huge reputation boost by being a loyal vassal of the Starks, he'd lose more by turning against them. It also helps that his bastard son Ramsay also likes Theon, and attacking the Starks will not only cause Theon to not give them any of the stuff he invents, but Ramsay will understandably not be happy to come to blows with someone whom he looks up to.
• Properly Paranoid: Varys, who leaves several signals that will alert him if someone has been messing around in his office without his knowledge. Considering the situation at King's Landing, it is fair to say that it might actually be just enough.
• Psychological Projection: A possible reason why Cersei accuses Sansa of sleeping with her brothers: it's what Cersei would do with one of her brothers, after all.
• Rage Breaking Point: Theon hits it when his father kills himself, driving him to punch and kick the corpse while screaming like a maniac.
• Reckless Gun Usage: At the climax of the Battle of the Crossroads, Joffrey tries to shoot Robb with Eddard's pilfered revolver Blizzard, but since he hadn't been cleaning the revolver since he stole it, the powder buildup causes a backblast that burns his hands. Also, he was so panicked and shaky that he missed anyway.
• Redemption Earns Life: Lancel Lannister.
• Refuge in Audacity: Theon orders Asher Forrester (one of the men in Robb's retinue) to prevent Robb from having sex with anyone. When Robb complains later about this, Theon just offhandedly mentions that Asher will get no bonus for revealing his mission.
  • When Joffrey interrogates Sansa on the gruesome letters and photographies Ramsay has been sending him, Sansa's only answer is to say that Ramsay seems to have improved his ability to make photographs.
• Removing the Head or Destroying the Brain: Jon accidentally realizes the wights' main weakness is their heads.
• Right-Hand Hottie: Amarda.
• Right Under Their Noses: Arya successfully pretends to be a lowborn girl from White Harbor for months while serving as Tywin Lannister's cupbearer and gets away with killing him - with a little help from the Hound. Word of God is that, while Tywin could have found out who she really was - her disguise was not perfect and there were quite a few holes in her story - he did not want to because his pride would not allow him to admit he might have been tricked by a girl in her very early teens.
• Rousing Speech: After Robb and Theon reveal to the Lords of the Realm the incoming war against the Others, some despair settles among them - but then Greatjon Umber stands up and gives a speech reminding everyone else that the First Men managed to drive back the Others just with sticks and (obsidian) stones and the help of the Children of the Forest, but now they have the Wall and the Night's Watch, the Andals and the Rhoynar, knights and steel, cannons and thunderarms, wildfire and gunpowder and, of course, the fucking Boomsquid himself, who already has five idea on how to deal with the wights and the Others.
• Royals Who Actually Do Something: Robb, Margaery, and Catelyn.
• Running Gag: People lightly mocking Theon over Ramsay's attraction toward him.
  • Theon finding out he has done something completely unintended while drunk. Such as bringing rock and roll to Westeros.
• Sanity Slippage: Cersei, even worse than in the books because the Lannisters do not have a snowball's chance in hell of winning the War of the Five Kings, and even more because, no matter the kind of insults and threats she throws her way, Sansa never stops being calm.
• Schizo Tech: Due to the industrialization of the North there are armored knights alongside musketeers and Gatling guns alongside battering rams.
• Self-Insert: The author as Theon Greyjoy.
• Ship Tease:
  • Between Theon Greyjoy and Amarda, sometimes including Princess Arianne Martell ;
  • Between Lancel Lannister and Thalisa Maegyr;
  • implied between Edmure Tully and Sand Snake Obara Sand.
• Slavery Is a Special Kind of Evil: After the defeat of the main Lannister armies, Tywin Lannister makes a deal to sell Northern prisoners into slavery in exchange for Unsullied troops. Everyone questions this decision, including Kevan Lannister, his loyal brother.
• Spanner in the Works: Arya. By killing Tywin Lannister, she prevents Littlefinger from having the chance to take over the Vale and taking her sister away, which gives Varys time to lay the seeds to save himself and ruin Littlefinger's plans and life.
• Straight Man: Jon to Theon and Robb. Explicitly mentioned by Jon when Allister Thorne interrogates him about the Great Ranging - his time as such prevents him from snarking at Thorne.
• Start My Own: Several of the Free Cities start their own version of newspapers and magazines, dedicated to this or that thing. Daenerys herself creates her own newspaper after taking over Astapor, The Breaker of Chains, to ease her conquest of Slaver's Bay.
• Status Quo Is God: In-Universe among the wildlings, who Jon realizes are stuck in their situation because their own culture prevents them from trying to do things for the common good. As Theon puts it, they think that their personal prosperity must be improved by taking from another.
• Stupid Evil: Joffrey, of course.
• Superweapon Surprise: The hwacha created by a Lannister man. Unfortunately for them, the Northern army is quite used to explosions and are less affected by them than the Lannisters would like.
• Surprisingly Sudden Death: Petyr Baelish gets suddenly shot by someone from the Faith Militant.
• Sword and Gun: Robb Stark. Brienne of Tarth. Roose Bolton replaces the gun with a shotgun.
• Taking the Bullet: During the Steel Wedding, Willem Lannister does this for Torrhen Karstark.
• Tank Goodness: Ramsay Snow's gasoline-powered War Wagons.
• Token Evil Teammate: Roose Bolton and Ramsay Snow. Fortunately, Theon's inventions and interaction with the two of them let them see the worth of being allied to the Starks and keeps them pointed at the Lannisters.
• This Banana is Armed: A variation; during the attack on Robb and Margaery's wedding, Theon confronts a desperate assailant trying to use a pack of dynamite as a deterrent. Once Theon hears which crate he got the dynamite from, he laughs and tells the assailant he grabbed a pack of flares instead, convincing the assailant to surrender. When Theon gets a look at the pack though, he realises that the crates were mislabeled; it was dynamite.
• Underestimating Badassery: One of Littlefinger's problems is that he considers Theon a weak person for not using his knowledge and ideas to take over the North.
• Undying Loyalty: Say whatever you want about Ramsay Bolton, but you can't deny just how much he has Theon's back. It also helps that Theon doesn't try to constantly rein him in but instead direct him towards targets that are acceptable.
• Villain Respect:
  • Everyone agrees about Theon's sheer brilliance. Even Littlefinger cannot help but admire how far the Boomsquid went, from a disposable hostage to one of the most influent men in Westeros.
  • Roose Bolton respects the Starks as a whole, acknowledging that they're actually worthy of ruling the North. It's pretty telling that he has no inclinations of betrayal during Robb's wedding with Margaery.
• War Is Hell: Robb's reaction after the last battle of the war, as he looks at the many dead, screams this.
• Wham Episode: "The Man Who Once did Sell the Lion's Skin, Part 4". Arya cuts Tywin's throat, reveals her identity and pushes him out of the balcony, killing him. And she manages to avoid being suspected with the aid of the Hound.
• What Happened to the Mouse?: Myranda and Violet, Ramsay's "girlfriends", disappear from the plot after their only appearance at the beginning.
• World's Most Beautiful Woman: Margaery Tyrell.

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