Back in 2005, they're resurrecting ECW for a Pay-Per-View? Foley's doing color commentary? Awesome! Wait, Joey Styles is doing play-by-play?! ALKSFJDSLKFLSAKFKLS OH MY GOD!!! YOU MEAN HE'S GOING TO BE THE NEW COMMENTATOR ON RAW?! HOLY SH-
Old school RAW huh, this sounds ni- was that the original block WWF logo? And the 1993 theme?! The Attitude Era titantron with the RAW letters old?!! Cole and King introducing the show standing ringside using old uncovered mics?!!! Can we keep that arena interview stage?!! Many fangasmed over the old school graphics, the announced return of Piper's Pit and other WWF/WWE legends that came to visit this night. And just before a Daniel Bryan/Jack Swagger match, Howard Finkel announced that it would have a special guest commentator. Cue BoomerSooner.
And he's goingto be joined by Bill DeMott? I don't remember who h- Booker T?! Aw, cool, that's gre— AND TRISH STRATUS?!?!?!?!? HELL YEAH!!!!
Yeah, the whole "Immortal" storyline over at TNA has gotten really stale. Really, they should have set up Fortune as the faces against Immortal. Right now ], they're trying to get the Main Event Mafia back to fight them like we need those guys back. And now Kevin Nash and Booker T are back at WWE, so TNA's just kind of scre— wait, did Robert Roode just clothesline Jeff Hardy? Did Beer Money and Kaz just chuck Immortal out of the ring? AJ Styles just grabbed a mic... wait... IS FORTUNE TURNING FACE?!?!?!?! IT'S ABOUT TIME!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
It gets better. Because he proceeds to call out Immortal on everything that the fans had been complaining about during the entire Immortal storyline. You could hear the fandom rejoice as he did so in one of the largest cheers in TNA history.
Alright, guest host for Wrestlemania XXVII. What? Rumors of Bob Barker? Meh, not bad but not what I was thinking.... What? *** ***!? WHAT!? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! OH GOD NO, ANYONE BUT HIM!! THIS IS GONNA BE THE WORST WRESTLE- WAIT, WHAT? IT'S THE ROCK!? IF YA SMEEEEEELLLLLL......
Jesus Christ that Wrestlemania sucked balls. RAW better do something to make for it... HOLY FUCKING CRAP JOHN CENA VS THE ROCK FOR WRESTLEMANIA XXVIII!!!
They TEAM UP TOGEHER FOR THE FIRST TIME AND ONLY TIME AT SURVIVOR SERIES!!!!!!!
Here comes Jillian, talking smack about Trish Stratus and—OH MY GOD! LITA'S BACK! And she and Trish HUGGED!
Sin Cara goes to SmackDown!? Great, they'll actually give him good screen time. Wait, his first major feud is with Chavo? They're giving Chavo something to do!?! Sweet! And they're throwing in DANIEL BRYAN?
Man... NXT Redemption has sucked all season. Thank god that it's almos-Wait! Derrick Bateman's back and is now in the final three with Daniel Bryan as his pro?!! AWESOME!!!
Money In The Bank 2011. The SmackDown! match? Pfft, it'll obviously be Sheam... DANIEL BRYAN'S WON IT? Awesome! Randy Orton defending against Christian? Eh, Orton's the most over guy on SmackDown!, there's no way... Christian won? AWESOME! Time for the Raw MITB match! The winner is...Alberto Del Rio? Yawn. Finally, John Cena defending against CM Punk? Nah, Punk's leaving, and Cena's WWE's golden boy... PUNK WINS? CLEANLY? AWESOME!!!! OH, NO, here comes Alberto to cash in-PUNK ESCAPED! AWESOME!!!!! Seriously, Money In The Bank was an enormous CMOA for many Smarks.
And the next SmackDown? Bryan lets everyone know when he's cashing: WrestleMania!!! Come April 2012, the World Heavyweight Champion, whoever it is, is getting his fucking head kicked in.
Later subverted. Bryan actually cashed in his contract 3 1/2 months prior, and was the champion at WrestleMania... for 18 seconds in the opening match to Sheamus.
All right, Triple H is in charge starting 7/25/11 and says people have been wanting this guy all around. Okay, let's bring out CM...wait a minute...JIM ROSS?! Cue BOOMER SOONER BABY! And of course Cole hates it so he has to fight...against ZACK RYDER?! AWESOME... for about five seconds. Here comes Cole in his TRIPLE H GEAR!!! Let's just get Cole winning over with-OH MY GOD, RYDER WON!! WOO WOO WOO!! Oh, and John Morrison's back and he's going after R-Truth's ass! And the clincher....PUNK HAS RETURNED!
"Yeah yeah Cena's won again. Well, maybe for Summerslam he'll get a decent...that's not Del Rio's music, I'm not an Indy fan, whose coming out? Yeeeeaaaahhhh." Best part was all Punk did was face Cena and raise the real belt to a much bigger pop.
And coming in on 7/29/11 things have shaped up: Triple H has assigned an assistant for Long—IT'S ZACK RYDER!!! And Sheamus has returned in being a Badass and is willing to fight Mark Henry!
Damn, John Laurniatis fired Jim Ross and Michael Cole mocked him too. Oh, great John Laurintis starts off the new Raw just great. Wait he brought JR and PUT HIM IN A MATCH VS MICHAEL COLE AND WHO LATER MADE HIM TAP TOO!!
The Muppets are going to host the Halloween Raw!? Oh my goodness!
Oh crap, Ryder has to fight Mark Henry in a No Disqualifications match after ALREADY facing Cena?? Laurinaitis, you son of a- What. Did Cena just give an Attitude Adjustment to Henry, THEN help pull Ryder on top of him for the cover?! HOLY SH-
Yeah, aside from The Rock and John Cena teaming up, this year's Survivor Series is going to be a bor.......WAITAMINUTE! CM Punk brought the Howard Finkel to be his personal ring announcer?! Oh, and I'm sure Del Rio wil reta- what's this?! CM Punk is the NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWE CHAMPION! IN MADISON SQUARE GARDEN! YES! YES! YES!
Ho hum. Time for the Slammys. OK, the "I did not just see that" award. The show always opens with a major angle, so it's gotta be The Mi-JIM ROSS!! HE'S BACK TO KICK COLE'S ASS!! That rap off was lame, It's time for the next awa- Mick Foley! Awesome!! AND HE BROUGHT THE MILLION DOLLAR MAN?!?! YES!!!!! It's time for Pipe Bomb of the Year with....OH, YOU DIDN'T KNOW!!! ROAD DOGG!!!!!! And the winner is...CM PUNK!! Man, that John Laurinaitis tribute was awesome! Up next it's the Divalicious Moment of the Ye-OH MY GOD!! IT'S LITA!!!!!!! YES, YES!!!!!!!!!! And the winner is...Kelly Kelly? FUCK! The next winner is Triple H! AND HE's BACK! The Trending Star of the year-with TONY ATLAS!! The Winner is...Dolph Ziggler? that su-WAIT, SO ZACK RYDER WAS THE REAL WINNER!!! AWESOME!!!!!! Up next is...CHRISTIAN! To present the award to...Cena? WHAT!! WHY NOT EDGE??!?! He deserved it more than Cena. Ok, here's the A-lister of the year award-GOLDUST IS BACK, BABY!!!! And the winner, I'll be happy as long as it's not...SNOOKI WON?!?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Hey, she wished Zack Ryder good luck. And here comes superstar of the year with Rey Mysterio Jr! Yeah, we all know that thanks to the kids the winner will be John- CM PUNK, YES!!! YEEAAAAH!!!!!. Time for our main event, Mark Henry vs John Cena? Boring- *BURST OF FIRE* Wha- Is that Kane? Holy shit he just Chokeslammed Cena and... HOLY SHIT HE HAS THE MASK BACK! WAIT! HE HAS TWO MASKS!!!!
The fans still demand it. Jericho, unexpectedly to the suits in the back, won a three-way vote to face Punk on Raw on February 4, 2013. The two had another great match.
Jack Swagger and Santino Marella for the US Championship? This is gonna be a squash ma... WHA... SANTINO WON!!?
WrestleMania 28: Oh, of course John Cena's gonna win against The Rock. He's the face of the WWE and the——ROCK BOTTOM!? ONE! TWO! THREE! ROCK WINS! ROCK WINS! OH MY GOD! THE ROCK WINS!
Alright, "The End Of An Era" match is starting!! Wait that's not Shawn Michaels's music. It's Boomer Sooner, J.R is gonna call this MATCH!! YES!!! YES!!! YES!!!
April 2, 2012: Cena wants to personally congratulate Rock for his victory and we're waiting.... *GUITAR SCREECH* HOLY SHIT!!! IT'S BROCK LESNAR!!!!
A Beat The Clock Challenge to determine the #1 Contender for CM Punk's WWE Title? Nice, who's involved? Santino Marella? The Miz? Randy Orton? Jack Swagger? Ugh... Wait. Daniel Bryan's in the tournament? DANIEL BRYAN WON? WE'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO SEE DANIEL BRYAN VS CM PUNK FOR THE WWE TITLE AT OVER THE LIMIT? YES! YES! YES!
According to his representative, Brock Lesnar "Quits" WWE. Ah, hell no! Who the fuck is that rep— PAUL HEYMAN!!!!!!!!!!!
A People Power Battle Royal huh? Sounds boring... "GO!!!", wait, is that? It is!!!! Christian's back!!!!! And he won!!!! He's challenging Santino Marella for the United States Championship? FUCK!!!!! Wait, Cody Rhodes is talking to Eve and says Christian wouldn't win against him. OH SHIT CHRISTIAN WAS RIGHT BEHIND HIM AND CHALLENGES HIM FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!!! CHRISTIAN'S TURNING FACE!! CHRISTIAN WON!!!!!! YES! YES! YES! YES!
Oh crap, Jerry Lawler had a heart attack on RAW. I hope he'll be alright, but who's gonna join Michael Co...wait, is that JBL?! And Cole is turning face?! We've got a Smackdown reunion!
Well, now that Lawler's healthy enough to do commentary again, I guess we'll have to go back to Cole and King on RAW...oh, wait, they're keeping JBL and making this a three-man commentary team? With their levels of snark? THIS IS AWE-SOME! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!*
But what are we gonna do about SmackDown? Oh, just have JBL and Cole do full-time commentary there too?! That's it, they've got the best job in the world!
The Invasion is in full swing - WWF (then) versus WCW, after Vince bought out WCW, and was bringing some of the lower level guys in to 'invade'. July 9, 2001, Lance Storm & Mike Awesome (representing WCW) vs. Kane and Chris Jericho. Rob Van Dam and Tommy Dreamer (apparently free agents at that time, but known to viewers as ECW guys), attack Kane & Jericho. Here comes the WWE brigade to help save Kane & Jericho but... wait... all those guys were from ECW originally, and what's Heyman saying, OH CRAP THEY'VE ALL TURNED ON KANE & JERICHO! (If you saw it originally, that brief moment of realization who is in the ring before they deliberately turn and face the WWE faces is beautiful. Or if you were really observant, as they ran down the ramp.) - Ross: "What the hell is this all about?" Heyman: "You want answers? It's damn time you got answers!" - Heyman's in the ring. Hardcore fans are screaming and laughing at the phoenix of Extreme rising again. Promptly screwed by allying with WCW and Stephanie taking over, but those moments were glorious.
OK, so Alberto Del Rio has just won against Zack Ryder. He's going for another Cross Armbreak— BOOYAKA BOOYAKA...
On the June 11th edition of Raw, Heath Slater is going into a match, and bragging about how it's his time, when suddenly... OH, IT'S TIME! IT'S TIME! IT'S...VADER...TIME!
June 25: Slater says he rules the world—FDHSDGFHSDGFASGFN SYCHO SID?!?!?! WWE's pulling out all the stops!!!
July 2: I can't wait to see what legend Slater faces this week. Slater says he isn't a clown aaaaand cue... Doink the Clown?! Well that's kinda lame. And Slater squashes him giving him his first win in weeks. Well, the whole thing was good while it lasted. When out of nowhere: It's Me, It's Me, It's DDP! blares in the arena for the first time in ten years. One false display of friendship and a Diamond Cutter later, the segment is saved.
July 9: Slater just lost his MITB qualifying match at the hands of Sin Cara and he's asking for open exhibition—IS THAT BOB BACKLUND? He's Still Got It.
July 16: OK, so who is it this time? Well, Heath's become Genre Sav-- IS THAT RIKISHI'S MUSIC?!!
July 20 SmackDown: So, another match on SmackDown''. Well, WWE has pulled out several superstars, who could the— ROAD WARRIOR ANIMAL?!!
Raw's 1000th episode he issues an open challenge to anyone in the back. Is that LITA!! And with a no-disqualification stipulation! Oh wait.... She's not alone! SHE BROUGHT THE APA WITH HER TOO!!
Raw 1001: He says that he's glad that the legends are gone and issues an open challenge to any current superstar. How much longer are they going to drag this out? Wait a minute... "Voices"? Randy Orton is back!
Raw's 1000th episode: It's awesome to see DX, oh wait is that the NEW AGE OUTLAWS & X-PAC COMING OUT ON A TANK!!
Uh-Oh Jinder Mahal is leading five other mennote Curt Hawkins, Tyler Reks, Hunico, Camacho, and Drew McIntyre, to be exact. to attack Kane. *Gong* IT'S THE UNDERTAKER!! The BROTHERS OF DESTRUCTION REUNITED ONCE AGAIN!!
Well, they're clearly building to a Bobby Roode vs James Storm match at Bound for Glory, so Austin Aries isn't going to beat him. Well, at least they'll put on a good match- wait, what? DID I JUST SEE THAT? YES YES YES! AUSTIN ARIES IS THE TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!
At Survivor Series 2012, it looks like CM Punk's championship reign will fall short at 364 days right? Wrong. Seth Rollinsnote Better known as Tyler Black on the indy scene, Dean Ambrosenote Better known as Jon Moxley and Roman Reigns all interfere, finally making their debut as "The Shield" in WWE, to the delight of many a Smart Mark the world over.
At TLC 2012, Alberto Del Rio teases a face turn, which is already a Cue the Flying Pigs moment in itself, but he teams with a recently-turned Miz and needs another tag team partner to face Health Slater, Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre. So who do they find? They find New York's own Brooklyn Brawler!
They win the match, subverting Brawler's long-time jobber status.
The following night, Del Rio and Miz face off against 3MB once more in Philadelphia. They are in need of a third tag partner once more. Who is the partner? Not the Brawler, but Tommy Dreamer!
So, Number 8 is coming out, probably a job... Wait! It's GOLDUST!
Number 17? Who's going to come out next... IT'S THE GODFATHER!
Uh oh, there's an announcement by Dixie Carter. I wonder what that is... wait? TNA's going ON THE ROAD even more?! No more Impact Zone?! First Live Show on the road takes place in Chicago?!
So, El Generico signed with WWE? There's no way they're gonna... wait. WHAT?!? GENERICO SHOWED UP AT AN NXT EVENT?! AS EL GENERICO?!?! THEY DIDN'T UNMASK HIM?!?!?!? SI! SI! SI! SI! OLE!
So when will TNA get a new video ga... wait? Activision is going to make a new TNA Game?! For the upcoming PS 4 no less?!
Here we are in an average WWE House Show in Waco, Texas. Sandow and Barrett vs Sheamus in a Handicap Match? Sure! Wait? Sheamus has a surprise? What is it? .... GONG! IT'S THE UNDERTAKER!!
Even better, Taker shows up at Old School Raw to confirm he is going to Wrestlemania, after speculation that he may not be able to compete. And to top it off, CM Punk wins a Fatal 4 Way match to determine who will fight Taker at the event. Ladies and Gentlemen The Phenom vs the Best in the World at the Showcase of the Immortals, with the Undertaker's 20-0 streak on the line. April 7 can't come soon enough.
So Sonjay Dutt has to qualify for an X Division title shot in a three way match. And he's facing... Ooh, it's Mason Andrews (also known as Harold in the WWE), I thought he was just a one off. And the third man is?... OH MY GODSAFDSDFGHJKL PETEY FUCKING WILLIAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CANADIAN DESTROYER IS BACK IN TNA!
So who are the singers to perform at Wrestlemania 29? Sean "Diddy" Combs? Skylar Grey? Sounds lame. Wait? Someone's going to perform at WM? And he's going to perform CM Punk's theme? Who is it? GASP! IT'S LIVING COLOUR! THEY ARE GOING TO PERFORM AT WM 29!
OK, Alberto Del Rio just defeated Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter, and it looks like Alberto has an ankle injury — WAIT! IS THAT?!?! IT'S DOLPH ZIGGLER WITH THE MONEY IN THE BANK CONTRACT! HE'S FINALLY CASHING IT IN! AND HERE HE COMES—uh, oh, Del Rio has the cross armbrea—ZIGGLER ESCAPED! ZIG ZAG! FOR THE PIN!!!! 1! 2! 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ZIGGLER'S THE NEW WORLD CHAMPION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, Rob Van Dam has resigned with WWE!
OK, Wade Barrett is getting his rematch against Curt-IT'S CHRISTIAN!!!
So Bryan isn't getting a rematch anytime soon, that sucks. Wait he's teaming up with CM Punk!! YES! YES! YES!
Brace yourselves "The Animal" Batista has returned to the WWE!
So we have our old school RAW once more for 1/6/13. What do we have here? Wait...are we gonna see Rikishi, Scotty 2 Hotty AND Grandmaster Sexay in the ring again?! Too Cool Returns!
Oh come on, WWE, why are you forcing us to accept Daniel Bryan as a member of the Wyatt Family? They just lost to the Usos, and making him take the Sister Abigail is just mea-wait, did he just push Bray Wyatt away? Is-HE'S BEATING UP BRAY WYATT IN THE CAGE!! MISSILE DROPKICKS! BUZZSAW "YES!" KICKS! HE WAS WEARING HIS REGULAR RING APPAREL UNDER HIS WYATT CLOTHING ALL ALONG? THE WHOLE CROWD CHANTING "YES!" IN UNISON…KNEE PLUS FOR THE TAKEDOWN!DANIEL BRYAN'S BACK, BABY!YES! YES! YES!
The SHIELD VS THE WYATT FAMILY at ELIMINATION CHAMBER 2014!! THIS IS AWESOME!!
Hulk Hogan is back in WWE, brother!
Goddamn it, are they really going to keep Daniel Bryan out of the title match at Wrestlemania 30 so he can fight Triple H? Dear God, Batista vs Orton for the title is going to be a fucking trainwreck...Okay, Bryan's got an "Occupy Raw" movement, says he won't leave until Trips agrees to his match. Of course, Trips accepts, that wasn't surpris-Wait, Bryan's not done talking yet. Is he saying what the fans really want is him in the title match? IF HE BEATS TRIPLE H AT WRESTLEMANIA, HE'LL GET INTO THE MAIN EVENT?!? YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
AND HE BEAT TRIPLE H!!! AND HE WON THE TITLE!!! YES!! YES!! YES!!
HULK HOGAN, STONE COLD AND THE ROCK IN THE SAME RING AT THE SAME TIME!!
The RAW after 'Mania 2014 is every smark's dream. Daniel Bryan is the undisputed world champion. The Ultimate Warrior steps in a WWE ring for the first time in nearly 18 years - and last time ever. Paige makes her television debut and is the new divas champion. Rob Van Dam returns from hiatus. Could this get any better?
We then we have Cesaro leaving the Real Americans and teaming up with Paul Heyman, Bad News Barret being so over Rey Mysterio (which is a feat in of itself) and the show ending with The Shield saving Daniel Bryan from the Authority, Orton and Batista. This is awesome indeed.