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And The Fandom Rejoiced / Professional Wrestling

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No amount of YES!'s in the world can sum up this sight to the wrestling faithful.

Wrestling has its share of awesome announcements as well.

  • What dumb idea does Vince McMahon have next? The Raw guest hosts are the lamest idea that Vince has ever had in a long time. Summerfest?! Kobe Kingston?! What the hell does ZZ Top have to do WWE Ra- did you say Bret Hart's hosting Raw? Bret "The Hitman" Hart's hosting Raw?!! And has signed deal through WrestleMania 26?!! Hell has truly frozen over...
  • They fired Daniel Bryan over a choking with a tie? A TIE?! Because of what?! The PG rating and their precious sponsors? Linda McMahon's Senate run?!! Finally, an amazing storyline with the NXT Season 1 rookies The Nexus and you screw it up? *sigh* Lets see who they're facing tonight at Summersla- Daniel Bryan's the 7th man? And he's keeping his Bryan Danielson indy dates?!! Thank you, WWE!
    • And now he's won the US Title.
      • And coming out to Ride of the Valkyries.
      • And now he's won the SmackDown! Money in the Bank.
      • And now the World Heavyweight Champion.
      • And now he's one half of the Tag Team Champions.
      • Wrong! He IS The Tag Team Champions!
      • NO! Kane IS the Tag Team Champions!
      • Wrong. The Shield is Tag Team Champions.
      • And now, Bryan is perhaps the most over wrestler since Stone Cold.
      • And now he's the WWE WORLDHEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!
      • And now, after his lengthy injury, HE'S BACK AND IN THE ROYAL RUMBLE!
      • And now, sadly, he has to retire—wait, they're giving him an epic sendoff? YES!
      • And now he returns as WWE Smackdown's GM. Alongside fellow Ensemble Dark Horse Shane McMahon.
      • No longer GM, as he's finally cleared to compete again! YES!
  • Crossing over with Video Games, WWE's announcement that Randy Savage would be in the upcoming WWE All-Stars game was made... by Randy Savage himself.
  • Back in 2005, they're resurrecting ECW for a Pay-Per-View? Foley's doing color commentary? Awesome! Wait, Joey Styles is doing play-by-play?! ALKSFJDSLKFLSAKFKLS OH MY GOD!!! YOU MEAN HE'S GOING TO BE THE NEW COMMENTATOR ON RAW?! HOLY SH-
  • Old school RAW huh, this sounds ni- was that the original block WWF logo? And the 1993 theme?! The Attitude Era titantron with the RAW letters old?!! Cole and King introducing the show standing ringside using old uncovered mics?!!! Can we keep that arena interview stage?!! Many fangasmed over the old school graphics, the announced return of Piper's Pit and other WWF/WWE legends that came to visit this night. And just before a Daniel Bryan/Jack Swagger match, Howard Finkel announced that it would have a special guest commentator. Cue Boomer Sooner.
  • WWE going to bring back WWE Tough Enough? Meh, sounds pretty cool but I doubt it'll be anything spec- Wait, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin is going to host?!?!?! HELL YEAH!!!!!!
    • And he's goingto be joined by Bill DeMott? I don't remember who h- Booker T?! Aw, cool, that's gre— AND TRISH STRATUS?!?!?!?!? HELL YEAH!!!!
  • Yeah, the whole "Immortal" storyline over at TNA has gotten really stale. Really, they should have set up Fortune as the faces against Immortal. Right now, they're trying to get the Main Event Mafia back to fight them like we need those guys back. And now Kevin Nash and Booker T are back at WWE, so TNA's just kind of scre— wait, did Robert Roode just clothesline Jeff Hardy? Did Beer Money and Kaz just chuck Immortal out of the ring? AJ Styles just grabbed a mic... wait... IS FORTUNE TURNING FACE?!?!?!?! IT'S ABOUT TIME!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
    • It gets better. Because he proceeds to call out Immortal on everything that the fans had been complaining about during the entire Immortal storyline. You could hear the fandom rejoice as he did so in one of the largest cheers in TNA history.
  • Vengeance 2001. Austin versus Angle, Rock versus Jericho, winners face off for both titles. Good matches, but clearly just an excuse to line up Austin versus Rock again. Yeah, Austin beats Angle...wait...Jericho beats the Rock? Jericho beats Austin? Chris freaking Jericho scores a win over the two biggest stars of the federation in one night to become the Undisputed Champion?
  • Alright, guest host for WrestleMania XXVII. What? Rumors of Bob Barker? Meh, not bad but not what I was thinking.... What? *** ***!? WHAT!? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! OH GOD NO, ANYONE BUT HIM!! THIS IS GONNA BE THE WORST WRESTLE- WAIT, WHAT? IT'S THE ROCK!? IF YA SMEEEEEELLLLLL......
    • Jesus Christ that WrestleMania sucked balls. RAW better do something to make for it... HOLY FUCKING CRAP JOHN CENA VS THE ROCK FOR WRESTLEMANIA XXVIII!!!
    • They TEAM UP TOGEHER FOR THE FIRST TIME AND ONLY TIME AT SURVIVOR SERIES!!!!!!!
  • Triple H has been made Head of Talent Development? Whatever. Like that guy needs more stroke around— wait, he signed Místico? BOTH OF THEM? And... and... AWESOME KONG? '''AWESOME KONG?!?!''' Trips, you Magnificent Bastard, I love you!
  • Great, JBL's signing Michael Cole's contract to referee at his match at Wrestlemania. Boo-ring! *glass shatters* HOLY SHIT IT'S STONE COLD HERE TO RUIN MICHAEL COLE'S DAY! YEAH! AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE, CAUSE STONE COLD SAYS SO!
  • Oh come on Paul Burchill! You already beat Yoshi Tatsu, stop beating the crap out of him—— STAND BACK! THERE'S A HURRICANE COMING THROUGH! What. Is that......HURRICANE HELMS???? SWEET!
  • Impact Wrestling, huh? New name, same old bullshi- wait, IS THAT THE SIX SIDED RING?!!
  • The Royal Rumbles have gotten alot:
    Michael Cole: Maybe THERE IS someone who can take out The Great Khali!
    Jim Ross: WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE! BAH GAWD IT'S ROB VAN DAM!
    • HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!note 
    Michael Cole: It's him! It's him! Big Daddy Cool! Kevin Nash! DIESEL!
  • Raw 15th Anniversary, huh? Cool. Starting it off with Vince McMahon saying he's the reason why Raw is so great, of course - *car crash* Hey, it's MANKIND! And he's got Mr. Socko! Yes, he put Mr. McMahon in the Mandible Claw! Alright! Vince is writhing in pain on the mat - *gong* TAKER! Sweet! Oh yeah, Chokeslam! Vince is in for a rough night - *glass shatters* Here comes Stone Cold! And he just gave McMahon a Stone Cold Stunner! Yay!
  • Sin Cara goes to SmackDown!? Great, they'll actually give him good screen time. Wait, his first major feud is with Chavo Guerrero? They're giving Chavo something to do!?! Sweet! And they're throwing in DANIEL BRYAN?
  • What?! Who picked Mason Ryan as Evan Bourne opponent? Wait Sin Cara is going face Evan Bourne next week on Raw!!!
  • Man... NXT Redemption has sucked all season. Thank god that it's almos-Wait! Derrick Bateman's back and is now in the final three with Daniel Bryan as his pro?!! AWESOME!!!
  • Money In The Bank 2011. The SmackDown! match? Pfft, it'll obviously be Sheam... DANIEL BRYAN'S WON IT? Awesome! Randy Orton defending against Christian? Eh, Orton's the most over guy on SmackDown!, there's no way... Christian won? AWESOME! Time for the Raw MITB match! The winner is...Alberto Del Rio? Yawn. Finally, John Cena defending against CM Punk? Nah, Punk's leaving, and Cena's WWE's golden boy... PUNK WINS? CLEANLY? AWESOME!!!! OH, NO, here comes Alberto to cash in-PUNK ESCAPED! AWESOME!!!!! Seriously, Money In The Bank was an enormous CMOA for many Smarks.
    • And the next SmackDown? Bryan lets everyone know when he's cashing: WrestleMania!!! Come April 2012, the World Heavyweight Champion, whoever it is, is getting his fucking head kicked in.
      • Later subverted. Bryan actually cashed in his contract 3 1/2 months prior, and was the champion at WrestleMania... for 18 seconds in the opening match to Sheamus.
  • All right, Triple H is in charge starting 7/25/11 and says people have been wanting this guy all around. Okay, let's bring out CM...wait a minute...JIM ROSS?! Cue BOOMER SOONER BABY! And of course Cole hates it so he has to fight...against ZACK RYDER?! AWESOME... for about five seconds. Here comes Cole in his TRIPLE H GEAR!!! Let's just get Cole winning over with-OH MY GOD, RYDER WON!! WOO WOO WOO!! Oh, and John Morrison's back and he's going after R-Truth's ass! And the clincher....PUNK HAS RETURNED!
    • "Yeah yeah Cena's won again. Well, maybe for SummerSlam he'll get a decent...that's not Del Rio's music, I'm not an Indy fan, whose coming out? Yeeeeaaaahhhh." Best part was all Punk did was face Cena and raise the real belt to a much bigger pop.
    • And coming in on 7/29/11 things have shaped up: Triple H has assigned an assistant for Long—IT'S ZACK RYDER!!! And Sheamus has returned in being a Badass and is willing to fight Mark Henry!
  • Armageddon 2006: Okay so we have Paul London and Brian Kendrick vs. William Regal and Dave Taylor for the WWE Tag Team Championships. Standard aff—wait a minute, did Long say we're having a LADDER MATCH?! YES! And...AND THERE ARE TWO MORE TEAMS FOR A FATAL FOUR WAY? WHO ARE THEY?! Oh my god...IT'S MNM AND THE HARDYS!!!!
  • Evan Bourne is getting more face time, but hasn't really got a major push...Wait...DID HE JUST WIN THE TAG TEAM TITLES?! WITH KOFI KINGSTON?!
    • Too bad Evan had one of his two run-ins with the WWE Wellness Policy and an injury which has left him in Limbo. Kingston would get another reign with R-Truth the following April.
  • So Cody Rhodes, what do you have planned for us this time, another paper ba-Wait...is that THE CLASSIC WHITE STRAP INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP??!! HELL YESS!! Now if only they can change that ugly Cenaspinner....
    • Well, as of 2013, the spinner is gone!
  • Damn, John Laurinaitis fired Jim Ross and Michael Cole mocked him too. Oh, great John Laurinaitis starts off the new Raw just great. Wait he brought JR and PUT HIM IN A MATCH VS MICHAEL COLE AND WHO LATER MADE HIM TAP TOO!!
  • The Muppets are going to host the Halloween Raw!? Oh my goodness!
  • Well, John Cena just beat Zack Ryder, so I guess John Laurinaitis got what he wanted- Wait, what? Cena is giving up his title shot so Ryder can have his? AWESOME!
  • Yeah, aside from The Rock and John Cena teaming up, this year's Survivor Series is going to be a bor.......WAITAMINUTE! CM Punk brought the Howard Finkel to be his personal ring announcer?! Oh, and I'm sure Del Rio wil reta- what's this?! CM Punk is the NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWE CHAMPION! IN MADISON SQUARE GARDEN! YES! YES! YES!
  • Ho hum. Time for the Slammys. OK, the "I did not just see that" award. The show always opens with a major angle, so it's gotta be The Mi-JIM ROSS!! HE'S BACK TO KICK COLE'S ASS!! That rap off was lame, It's time for the next awa- Mick Foley! Awesome!! AND HE BROUGHT THE MILLION DOLLAR MAN?!?! YES!!!!! It's time for Pipe Bomb of the Year with....OH, YOU DIDN'T KNOW!!! ROAD DOGG!!!!!! And the winner is...CM PUNK!! Man, that John Laurinaitis tribute was awesome! Up next it's the Divalicious Moment of the Ye-OH MY GOD!! IT'S LITA!!!!!!! YES, YES!!!!!!!!!! And the winner is...Kelly Kelly? FUCK! The next winner is Triple H! AND HE's BACK! The Trending Star of the year-with TONY ATLAS!! The Winner is...Dolph Ziggler? that su-WAIT, SO ZACK RYDER WAS THE REAL WINNER!!! AWESOME!!!!!! Up next is...CHRISTIAN! To present the award to...Cena? WHAT!! WHY NOT EDGE??!?! He deserved it more than Cena. Ok, here's the A-lister of the year award-GOLDUST IS BACK, BABY!!!! And the winner, I'll be happy as long as it's not...SNOOKI WON?!?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Hey, she wished Zack Ryder good luck. And here comes superstar of the year with Rey Mysterio Jr.! Yeah, we all know that thanks to the kids the winner will be John- CM PUNK, YES!!! YEEAAAAH!!!!!. Time for our main event, Mark Henry vs John Cena? Boring- *BURST OF FIRE* Wha- Is that Kane? Holy shit he just Chokeslammed Cena and... HOLY SHIT HE HAS THE MASK BACK! WAIT! HE HAS TWO MASKS!!!!
  • Awesome. We get to watch two giants beat the hell out of each other with steel chairs. Okay. Show's won the match. But Mark doesn't seem to get the point. How much longer are they going to keep this feud goin-what's that music? OH MY GOD IT'S FLIGHT OF THE FUCKING VALKYRIES!!!!!!!!!
    • Early that night A NEW UNITED STATES CHAMPION HAS BEEN CROWNED, WOO WOO WOO YOU KNOW IT!!!!!!!!!!
    • Well, Cena doesn't have a match, but I'm sure they're going to continue the angle with Kane—wait, there's NO CENA TONIGHT? HOLY SHIT!
  • Finally, Triple H is going to fire John Laurinaitis! It's about ti- *GONG* What. WHAT?! OH BAH GAWD IT'S THE UNDERTAKER!
  • As morbid as it sounds as to celebrate a man losing his job, EXIT VINCE RUSSO, ENTER DAVE LAGANA
  • Triple H vs. the Undertaker at WrestleMania XXVIII as a Hell in a Cell match?!! It's not just the that rematch is taking place but after years of the watered-down matches in that specialty pay-per-view, Hell in a Cell is back to its roots as a last resort match.
  • Oh god, after much demand, we WILL be seeing CM Punk vs Chris Jericho in the main event!
    • The fans still demand it. Jericho, unexpectedly to the suits in the back, won a three-way vote to face Punk on Raw on February 4, 2013. The two had another great match.
  • Jack Swagger and Santino Marella for the US Championship? This is gonna be a squash ma... WHA... SANTINO WON!!?
  • WrestleMania 28: Oh, of course John Cena's gonna win against The Rock. He's the face of the WWE and the——ROCK BOTTOM!? ONE! TWO! THREE! ROCK WINS! ROCK WINS! OH MY GOD! THE ROCK WINS!
    • Alright, "The End Of An Era" match is starting!! Wait that's not Shawn Michaels's music. It's Boomer Sooner, J.R is gonna call this MATCH!! YES!!! YES!!! YES!!!
      • Earlier, when promos for this match were airing for the first time: Well, I wonder what music they'll use for this match's promos—*song kicks in: Fortune, fame; mirror vein...* ...holy shit, is that METALLICA?! And the symbolism...HELL FUCKING YES!!!
  • April 2, 2012: Cena wants to personally congratulate Rock for his victory and we're waiting.... *GUITAR SCREECH* HOLY SHIT!!! IT'S BROCK LESNAR!!!!
  • A Beat The Clock Challenge to determine the #1 Contender for CM Punk's WWE Title? Nice, who's involved? Santino Marella? The Miz? Randy Orton? Jack Swagger? Ugh... Wait. Daniel Bryan's in the tournament? DANIEL BRYAN WON? WE'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO SEE DANIEL BRYAN VS CM PUNK FOR THE WWE TITLE AT OVER THE LIMIT? YES! YES! YES!
  • According to his representative, Brock Lesnar "Quits" WWE. Ah, hell no! Who the fuck is that rep— PAUL HEYMAN!!!!!!!!!!!
  • A People Power Battle Royal huh? Sounds boring... "GO!!!", wait, is that? It is!!!! Christian's back!!!!! And he won!!!! He's challenging Santino Marella for the United States Championship? FUCK!!!!! Wait, Cody Rhodes is talking to Eve and says Christian wouldn't win against him. OH SHIT CHRISTIAN WAS RIGHT BEHIND HIM AND CHALLENGES HIM FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!!! CHRISTIAN'S TURNING FACE!! CHRISTIAN WON!!!!!! YES! YES! YES! YES!
  • Oh crap, Jerry Lawler had a heart attack on RAW. I hope he'll be alright, but who's gonna join Michael Co...wait, is that JBL?! And Cole is turning face?! We've got a Smackdown reunion!
    • Well, now that Lawler's healthy enough to do commentary again, I guess we'll have to go back to Cole and King on RAW...oh, wait, they're keeping JBL and making this a three-man commentary team? With their levels of snark? THIS IS AWE-SOME! *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP!*
    • But what are we gonna do about SmackDown? Oh, just have JBL and Cole do full-time commentary there too?! That's it, they've got the best job in the world!
  • The Invasion is in full swing - WWF (then) versus WCW, after Vince bought out WCW, and was bringing some of the lower level guys in to 'invade'. July 9, 2001, Lance Storm & Mike Awesome (representing WCW) vs. Kane and Chris Jericho. Rob Van Dam and Tommy Dreamer (apparently free agents at that time, but known to viewers as ECW guys), attack Kane & Jericho. Here comes the WWE brigade to help save Kane & Jericho but... wait... all those guys were from ECW originally, and what's Heyman saying, OH CRAP THEY'VE ALL TURNED ON KANE & JERICHO! (If you saw it originally, that brief moment of realization who is in the ring before they deliberately turn and face the WWE faces is beautiful. Or if you were really observant, as they ran down the ramp.) - Ross: "What the hell is this all about?" Heyman: "You want answers? It's damn time you got answers!" - Heyman's in the ring. Hardcore fans are screaming and laughing at the phoenix of Extreme rising again. Promptly screwed by allying with WCW and Stephanie taking over, but those moments were glorious.
  • OK, so Alberto Del Rio has just won against Zack Ryder. He's going for another Cross Armbreak— BOOYAKA BOOYAKA...
  • On the June 11th edition of Raw, Heath Slater is going into a match, and bragging about how it's his time, when suddenly... OH, IT'S TIME! IT'S TIME! IT'S...VADER...TIME!
    • June 18: Slater ruins Cyndi Lauper's return—BAGPIPES?! Rowdy Roddy Piper saves another awful moment!
    • June 25: Slater says he rules the world—FDHSDGFHSDGFASGFN SYCHO SID?!?!?! WWE's pulling out all the stops!!!
    • July 2: I can't wait to see what legend Slater faces this week. Slater says he isn't a clown aaaaand cue... Doink the Clown?! Well that's kinda lame. And Slater squashes him giving him his first win in weeks. Well, the whole thing was good while it lasted. When out of nowhere: It's Me, It's Me, It's DDP! blares in the arena for the first time in ten years. One false display of friendship and a Diamond Cutter later, the segment is saved.
    • July 9: Slater just lost his MITB qualifying match at the hands of Sin Cara and he's asking for open exhibition—IS THAT BOB BACKLUND? He's Still Got It.
    • July 16: OK, so who is it this time? Well, Heath's become— IS THAT RIKISHI'S MUSIC?!!
    • July 20 SmackDown: So, another match on SmackDown''. Well, WWE has pulled out several superstars, who could the— ROAD WARRIOR ANIMAL?!!
    • Raw's 1000th episode he issues an open challenge to anyone in the back. Is that LITA!! And with a no-disqualification stipulation! Oh wait.... She's not alone! SHE BROUGHT THE APA WITH HER TOO!!
    • Raw 1001: He says that he's glad that the legends are gone and issues an open challenge to any current superstar. How much longer are they going to drag this out? Wait a minute... "Voices"? Randy Orton is back!
  • Raw's 1000th episode: It's awesome to see DX, oh wait is that the NEW AGE OUTLAWS & X-PAC COMING OUT ON A TANK!!
    • The first match, we got Good Ol JR to call it.
    • Uh-Oh Jinder Mahal is leading five other mennote  to attack Kane. *Gong* IT'S THE UNDERTAKER!! The BROTHERS OF DESTRUCTION REUNITED ONCE AGAIN!!
  • Well, they're clearly building to a Bobby Roode vs James Storm match at Bound for Glory, so Austin Aries isn't going to beat him. Well, at least they'll put on a good match- wait, what? DID I JUST SEE THAT? YES YES YES! AUSTIN ARIES IS THE TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!
  • At Survivor Series 2012, it looks like CM Punk's championship reign will fall short at 364 days right? Wrong. Seth Rollinsnote , Dean Ambrosenote  and Roman Reignsnote  all interfere, finally making their debut as "The Shield" in WWE, to the delight of many a Smart Mark the world over.
  • At TLC 2012, Alberto Del Rio teases a face turn, which is already a Cue the Flying Pigs moment in itself, but he teams with a recently-turned Miz and needs another tag team partner to face Health Slater, Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre. So who do they find? They find New York's own Brooklyn Brawler!
    • They win the match, subverting Brawler's long-time jobber status.
  • The following night, Del Rio and Miz face off against 3MB once more in Philadelphia. They are in need of a third tag partner once more. Who is the partner? Not the Brawler, but Tommy Dreamer!
  • So, Dolph Ziggler is first in the Royal Rumble, I wonder who drew number t— BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!!!
    • So, Number 8 is coming out, probably a job... Wait! It's GOLDUST!]]
    • Number 17? Who's going to come out next... IT'S THE GODFATHER!
  • Uh oh, there's an announcement by Dixie Carter. I wonder what that is... wait? TNA's going ON THE ROAD even more?! No more Impact Zone?! First Live Show on the road takes place in Chicago?!
  • So, El Generico signed with WWE? There's no way they're gonna... wait. WHAT?!? GENERICO SHOWED UP AT AN NXT EVENT?! AS EL GENERICO?!?! THEY DIDN'T UNMASK HIM?!?!?!? SI! SI! SI! SI! OLE!
    • They did in the end. But that didn't stop Sami Zayn from becoming one of the best things WWE has to offer.
  • So when will TNA get a new video ga... wait? Activision is going to make a new TNA Game?! For the upcoming PS4 no less?!
    • Sadly, nothing has been heard of it since 2013, and given TNA's current position, it seems unlikely that it will ever see the light.
  • Here we are in an average WWE House Show in Waco, Texas. Sandow and Barrett vs Sheamus in a Handicap Match? Sure! Wait? Sheamus has a surprise? What is it? .... GONG! IT'S THE UNDERTAKER!!
    • Even better, Taker shows up at Old School Raw to confirm he is going to WrestleMania, after speculation that he may not be able to compete. And to top it off, CM Punk wins a Fatal 4 Way match to determine who will fight Taker at the event. Ladies and Gentlemen The Phenom vs the Best in the World at the Showcase of the Immortals, with the Undertaker's 20-0 streak on the line. April 7 can't come soon enough.
  • So Sonjay Dutt has to qualify for an X Division title shot in a three way match. And he's facing... Ooh, it's Mason Andrews (also known as Harold in the WWE), I thought he was just a one off. And the third man is?... OH MY GODSAFDSDFGHJKL PETEY FUCKING WILLIAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CANADIAN DESTROYER IS BACK IN TNA!
  • So who are the singers to perform at WrestleMania 29? Sean "Diddy" Combs? Skylar Grey? Sounds lame. Wait? Someone's going to perform at WM? And he's going to perform CM Punk's theme? Who is it? GASP! IT'S LIVING COLOUR! THEY ARE GOING TO PERFORM AT WM 29!
  • OK, Alberto Del Rio just defeated Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter, and it looks like Alberto has an ankle injury — WAIT! IS THAT?!?! IT'S DOLPH ZIGGLER WITH THE MONEY IN THE BANK CONTRACT! HE'S FINALLY CASHING IT IN! AND HERE HE COMES—uh, oh, Del Rio has the cross armbrea—ZIGGLER ESCAPED! ZIG ZAG! FOR THE PIN!!!! 1! 2! 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ZIGGLER'S THE NEW WORLD CHAMPION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Ladies and gentlemen, Rob Van Dam has resigned with WWE!
  • OK, Wade Barrett is getting his rematch against Curt-IT'S [[CHRISTIAN!!!]]
  • So Bryan isn't getting a rematch anytime soon, that sucks. Wait he's teaming up with CM Punk!! YES! YES! YES!
  • Brace yourselves "The Animal" Batista has returned to the WWE!
  • So we have our old school RAW once more for 1/6/13. What do we have here? Wait...are we gonna see Rikishi, Scotty 2 Hotty AND Grandmaster Sexay in the ring again?! Too Cool Returns!
    • Uh-oh Punk's about to be Triple Powerbombed by The Shield… WAIT A MINUTE! '''IT'S JAKE "THE SNAKE" ROBERTS!!!!
      • Even better, Jake "The Snake" Roberts, WWE Hall of Famer. Not to mention the Ultimate Warrior!
      • Don't forget da bad guy Razor Ramon, chico.
      • Also high flying Lita.
  • Oh come on, WWE, why are you forcing us to accept Daniel Bryan as a member of the Wyatt Family? They just lost to the Usos, and making him take the Sister Abigail is just mea-wait, did he just push Bray Wyatt away? Is-HE'S BEATING UP BRAY WYATT IN THE CAGE!! MISSILE DROPKICKS! BUZZSAW "YES!" KICKS! HE WAS WEARING HIS REGULAR RING APPAREL UNDER HIS WYATT CLOTHING ALL ALONG? THE WHOLE CROWD CHANTING "YES!" IN UNISON…KNEE PLUS FOR THE TAKEDOWN! DANIEL BRYAN'S BACK, BABY! YES! YES! YES!
  • The SHIELD VS THE WYATT FAMILY at ELIMINATION CHAMBER 2014!! THIS IS AWESOME!!
  • Hulk Hogan is back in WWE, brother!
  • Goddamn it, are they really going to keep Daniel Bryan out of the title match at WrestleMania 30 so he can fight Triple H? Dear God, Batista vs Orton for the title is going to be a fucking trainwreck...Okay, Bryan's got an "Occupy Raw" movement, says he won't leave until Trips agrees to his match. Of course, Trips accepts, that wasn't surpris-Wait, Bryan's not done talking yet. Is he saying what the fans really want is him in the title match? IF HE BEATS TRIPLE H AT WRESTLEMANIA, HE'LL GET INTO THE MAIN EVENT?!? YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
    • AND HE BEAT TRIPLE H!!! AND HE WON THE TITLE!!! YES!! YES!! YES!!
  • WrestleMania XXX:
    • HULK HOGAN, STONE COLD AND THE ROCK IN THE SAME RING AT THE SAME TIME!!
  • The RAW after 'Mania 2014 is every smark's dream. Daniel Bryan is the undisputed world champion. The Ultimate Warrior steps in a WWE ring for the first time in nearly 18 years - and last time ever. Paige makes her television debut and is the new divas champion. Rob Van Dam returns from hiatus. Could this get any better?
    • We then we have Cesaro leaving the Real Americans and teaming up with Paul Heyman, Bad News Barrett being so over Rey Mysterio (which is a feat in of itself) and the show ending with The Shield saving Daniel Bryan from the Authority, Orton and Batista. This is awesome indeed.
  • TLC 2012: So it's John Cena vs Dolph Ziggler. Cena beats down Ziggler, Vickie Guerrero goes after Cena, A.J. Lee takes her down, and Cena's got a ladder and he's ready to win. We all know what happens next, Cena wins and he and AJ ride off into the sunset- DID AJ JUST PUSH THAT LADDER OVER WITH CENA ON IT? DID ZIGGLER JUST TAKE DOWN CENA AND GET HIS BRIEFCASE BACK? DID CENA JUST LOSE? AWESOME!
  • Raw June 30, 2014: The Real Americans finally confront Rusev and Lana. Jericho and AJ make their return.
    • Not only that, but AJ is now the Divas Champion again, and Paige may be turning heel.
  • Soooo... GFW is going to be airing New Japan Pro-Wrestling's Tokyo Dome Show. That's cool...HOLY CRAP, J.R. IS COMMENTATING THE EVENT LIVE FROM JAPAN. Let me repeat: JIM ROSS CALLING A.J. STYLES. Even the Wrestlers are excited. Global Force, you have money.
  • STING. IN A WWE RING. FINALLY.
  • The Macho Man is finally joining the WWE Hall of Fame!
  • WrestleMania 31: Brock Lesnar vs Roman Reigns. Alright, let's get this over, we all know Roman is going ov- WAIT A MINUTE, F5 BY LESNAR, BOTH MEN ARE DOWN!! HOLD ON, IS THAT SETH ROLLINS' MUSIC?! HE'S CASHING IN HIS MONEY IN THE BANK CONTRACT! CURB STOMP TO LESNAR! Oh no, Lesnar's going for the F5. Spear by Reigns, CURB STOMP BY ROLLINS! COVER! 1-2-3!! SETH ROLLINS IS THE NEW WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!
  • WWE Elimination Chamber 2015: John Cena vs Kevin Owens. We all know how this is going to end. John Cena going over another up and coming superstar. Holy crap, this match is amazing. John Cena, AA- OWENS KICKS OUT AT TWO. Springboard Stunner by Cena and OWENS AGAIN KICKS OUT AT TWO. OWENS HITS A SECOND POP UP POWERBOMB! 1, 2, 3!!! DID KEVIN OWENS JUST DEFEAT JOHN CENA CLEANLY?! IT MUST BE A COLD DAY IN HELL.
  • So, NXT Takeover: Respect is coming...and Bayley and Sasha Banks are main eventing. Yes, a Women's main event is actually happening.
  • Lucha Underground: Man, this Season 2 trailer is looking BADASS. I don't know how this could get any better—OH MY GOD! IS THAT [[spoiler:[1]!?
  • WWE is signing some new talent in 2016. WAIT A MINUTE IS THAT AJ STYLES, KARL ANDERSON AND DOC GALLOWS COULD WE BE GETTING A WWE VERSION OF THE BULLET CLUB. ALSO SHINSUKE NAKAMURA AND AUSTIN ARIES HAS ALSO BEEN SIGNED TOO. THIS IS AWESOME!
  • So this whole Vincent J. McMahon Legacy of Excellence award was a big ruse to prop up Stephanie? What a ji-HERE COMES THE MONEY!! Here we go! Money Talks!! HERE COMES THE MONEY!! SHANE-O-MAC IS BACK!!! THE TRUE HEIR HAS RETURNED!!
  • THE AUTHORITY IS DEAD FOR REAL! Granted, it's a bit anticlimactic, but you gotta take your wins where you can!
  • Oh my God, this Money in the Bank match is awesome! I wonder who is going to win the briefcase? Dean Ambrose wins! Dean Ambrose is Mr. Money in the Bank!
    • Later that night, Seth Rollins vs Roman Reigns. Let's get this over with, we all know Reigns is going over. Wait a minute, Rollins reverses a spear into a pedigree! 1-2- Kickout! Rollins nails a second pedigree! 1-2-3! Did Seth Rollins just beat Roman Reigns cleanly?! This can't possibly get any better! Hold on, that's Dean Ambrose's music! He's not going to actually cash it in tonight, is he? Ambrose nails Rollins from behind with the briefcase and- HE'S ACTUALLY DOING IT! Dean Ambrose is actually cashing in Money in the Bank! Dirty Deeds! 1-2-3! DEAN FUCKING AMBROSE IS THE NEW WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!!!!
    • In the span of three minutes, all three former members of The Shield were WWE Champion. Let than sink in.
  • Holy crap...the BRAND SPLIT IS BACK!!! Complete with Brand-exclusive PP Vs!
  • All right, time to name the new general managers for Raw and SmackDown Live. Stephanie's going first. Who wants to bet it's her hus- WAIT A MINUTE, DID I JUST HEAR A CAR CRASH?! OH MY GOD, IT'S MICK FOLEY! MICK FOLEY IS THE GENERAL MANAGER FOR RAW!
    • All right, now it's Shane's turn. There were rumors, please don't disappoint- IT'S RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES! YES! YES! YES! DANIEL BRYAN IS THE GENERAL MANAGER FOR SMACKDOWN!
  • Wait...they actually are bringing in James Ellsworth full time?
  • Alright, first episode of Raw in the New Era. There's gonna be a new title at SummerSlam, huh? Pretty cool. Seth is gonna be one of the guys in the match. Oh? Two Fatal Four-Way matches, and the winners of those go on to tonight's main event? Winner faces Seth? Sounds awesome. Cesaro, Rusev, Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn, Chris Jericho, Sheamus, Roman Reigns, and...wait, what?! Finn Balor? Holy shit! FINN WON! Alright...Reigns wins...unsurprisingly. Wait...did Finn just pin Roman Reigns? CLEAN? IN HIS DEBUT? AND NOW HE'S FACING SETH FRICKING ROLLINS AT SUMMERSLAM FOR THE WORLD TITLE?! OH MY FUCKING GOD!
  • So Finn Balor had to relinquish the Universal title due to an injury, and now we've got a fatal four-way among Kevin Owens, Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins, and Big Cass. Man, Cass is cleaning up — oh geez, Superman Punch and a Frog Splash? Yeah, Cass is out. OK, Roman's going after Seth and — OH MY GOD, TRIPLE H?! WHAT'S HE DOING HERE? And he's handing Roman over to Rollins! 1-2-3! Roman's out! Now he's throwing Kevin Owens in the ring, Rollins is going to — OH MY GOD! HE'S GOING TO — HE JUST PEDIGREED ROLLINS! Owens can't believe it, either! Cover! 1-2-3! KEVIN OWENS IS THE NEW UNIVERSAL CHAMPION!
  • Maryse is back? And she's MANAGING THE MIZ?!?!
  • Is that BOBBY FUCKING ROODE In NXT?!?!?
  • So NXT's going to have another Dusty tag team tournament. So who's in it? TMDK FROM NOAH? HOLY SHIT!!! Plus DIY, The Revival, Ibushi and Perkins, Roode with Dillinger...and Austin Aries is here bringing his new tag partner — RODERICK STRONG.
  • WWE Hidden Gems? Let's see. Samoa Joe vs. Regal in 2000? Cool. Harley Race vs. Bob Backlund? Surreal. Zombie!Undertaker vs. Unabomb? Heh heh heh, funny. Bret Hart vs. Terry Funk in ECW? Sweet. The Last battle of- Wait. The Last Battle of Atlanta? The Last Battle of Atlanta?!! The unseen, climatic bloodbath between Tommy Rich and Buzz Saywer that inspired Hell in a Cell? THAT LAST BATTLE OF ATLANTA?! *heads to WWE Network* SUBSCRIBE!! SUBSCRIBE!! SUBSCRIBE!! SUBSCRIBE!!
  • Wow, hard to believe WWE is holding an entire tournament just for cruiserweights. I wonder who they're gonna get to — wait, Gargano, Ciampa and Swann are in this? And they're bringing back Brian Kendrick and Tajiri? Holy shit, Akira Tozawa! Cedric Alexander! Noam Dar! Drew Gulak, Tony Nese and TJP from Evolve! Mascara Dorada from CMLL! Wait, ZACK SABRE JUNIOR?! KOTA FREAKING IBUSHI???
    • And now, they are a full part of the Raw roster. And now they have their own show. The cruiserweight division is back!
  • Backlash 2016. The day nobody thought would ever come: AJ Styles as WWE Champion.
  • NXT has announced who Asuka's challenger will be for NXT Takeover: Toronto? Cool, though I have to wonder who it is. The women's division has been kind of depleted since the draft, and Ember Moon is still a fresh fa — OH. MY. GOD. THEY'RE BRINGING BACK MICKIE JAMES TO CHALLENGE HER AT TORONTO! MICKIE JAMES IS GOING TO BE IN A WWE RING AGAIN! TORONTO IS OFFICIALLY MUST-SEE!
    • And now reports are saying that Mickie James has signed a multi-year contract and is headed to SmackDown! Welcome back, Mickie!
  • Okay, 900th episode of Smackdown. Edge is coming ou- wait...is that...Tony Chimel?! Awesome. Team Smackdown Live is in the ring. GONG! Here comes Taker. Wonder what he has to say. WrestleMania, will no longer define him? Taker's going to be on Smackdown again?! FUCK YES!
  • Hell in a Cell 2016: It's definitely a cold day in Hell when you have a Women's main event. Charlotte vs. Sasha Banks!
  • Goldberg is back!
  • Goldberg vs. Lesnar at Survivor Series! I'm predicting Brock is probably going to- SPEAR! ANOTHER SPEAR! JACKHAMMER! 1! 2! 3! OH MY GOD!!! GOLDBERG DEFEATED BROCK LESNAR! THE BEAST HAS BEEN CONQUERED!
    • Moreover, Goldberg pulled it off in 86 seconds! Brock Lesnar did a job in a classic WCW Goldberg squash match!
  • The WWE is doing another Tournament! For UK wrestlers only? Who's in it? Mark Andrews...and a bunch of nobodies. No ZSJ, Ospreay, or Scurll. Bummer—wait, is that Nigel McGuinness doing color commentary?
  • Man, seeing Goldberg back in the WWE has been surreal and awesome, but now Survivor Series 2016 is in the books, and the ride's over. Wait, Stephanie asked him if he had another title run in him? GOLDBERG IS GOING TO BE IN THE ROYAL RUMBLE? YES! YES! YES!
    • Wait, BROOOOOOCK LESSSSSSNAR IS IN TOO?! AND THE UNDERTAKER?! HOLY SHIT!
  • Okay, January 9th episode of RAW. Roman Reigns vs Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens in a handicap match for the US Title. We all know how this gonna go down, Roman's gonna overcome the odds and...wait. Jericho won? HOLY SHIT! JERICHO NOW HAS HELD EVERY TITLE IN WWE HISTORY!
  • First Hall of Fame inductee this year. Who could it be? Amateur wrestler...gold...medal...no. It can't be. Oh. My. God. It's KURT FREAKIN' ANGLE! KURT ANGLE IS BACK IN WWE! O IT'S TRUE! IT's DAMN TRUE!
  • January 26th, 2017. 3 weeks removed from his six star classic with Kazuchika Okada, Kenny Omega has finally made his decision regarding his career path. And he's staying with New Japan Pro-Wrestling!
  • End of Elimination Chamber 2017: Bray Wyatt's been busting his ass for a few solid years now; he's established himself as a major player for the future of WWE. But he's up against AJ Styles for the WWE Title; it's pretty obvious who's walking out champion. (Not that AJ Styles as WWE Champion is a bad thing. But still.) Here comes the Phenomenal Fore—WAIT HE'S CAUGHT! SISTER ABIGAIL!! COVER!!!! TWO!!!! BRAY WYATT IS CHAMPION!!!!!!!!
  • Brief promo for HHH/Rollins at WrestleMania 33. There's a music clip over the 'Mania poster at the end...is that "Am I Savage"?! WWE, YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARDS.
    • Ladder Match, standard affair, The New Day comes out stating about a fourth team joining Blah, Blah, Blah, we're all going to have to see them fight, right? Okay, take a step toward the ra...wait a minute...are those THE HARDYS?!
      • And they won! The Hardys are seven-time Raw Tag Team Champions!
      • AND there's a video on WWE's YouTube channel which catches up with Matt and Jeff after their win, and Matt is dropping ALL KINDS of references to his "BROKEN" gimmick! "We have PROCURED the most prestigious tag team titles that there are!" "We DELETED The Club's RAW Tag Team Title reign; yes!"
    • Of course Roman Reigns gets to go on last, even if he is facing The Undertaker — wait, is that Boomer Sooner? IT'S JR! JR IS CALLING THE MATCH!
  • The Raw after WrestleMania. OK, so Vince is here to bring in a new GM for Raw and — what the — OK, that bit with Teddy Long was funny — OH MY GOD IT'S KURT ANGLE! OH, IT'S TRUE, IT'S DAMN TRUE!
    • The New Day are disappointed they didn't have a match last night, so they're issuing an open challenge. Who is there left to ans — SAY YEAAAAAH! IT'S THE REVIVAL! THE REVIVAL HAVE FINALLY REACHED THE MAIN ROSTER!
    • Chris Jericho can't compete tonight in the tag team match with Seth Rollins against Samoa Joe and Kevin Owens. Kurt said he'd find another — IT'S FINN BALOR! FINN BALOR IS BACK! YES!!!
  • The Smackdown after WrestleMania. Man, why is Curt Hawkins out here? Does have anything better to- wait, "ten"? OH, SNAP! Tye Dillinger is here!
    • Miz is mocking John Cena, which is pretty funny. Now there's a violinist playing a very, very familiar tune. Wait a minute...no way! Shinsuke Nakamura is on Smackdown?! YES!
  • Chris Hero is back in NXT! Too bad they had to bring back the awful Kassius Ohno name.
  • The Shield is back!
  • Roman Reigns and Bray Wyatt are out for medical reasons and will miss TLC? Terrible news. Wait, KURT ANGLE is taking Roman's place? And AJ STYLES IS TAKING BRAY'S PLACE? YES! YES! YES!
  • At Wrestle Kingdom 12, Chris Jericho vs Kenny Omega?! Somebody give me a HELL YEAH!
  • Nine men beating the hell out of each other in the NXT ring. William Regal comes out and says there's only one way to settle this chaos: Three teams...one cage...TWO RINGS?!?!?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!? IS THIS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE?!?!? No way, there's no way in Hell WWE is actually listening for once— SWEET MOTHER OF DUSTY RHODES!!!!!! WAR GAMES IS BACK!!!!!!!!
  • Oh, well, good ol' Vince is trying to resurrect that Epic Fail of XFL... wha? HE'S HANDLING 205 LIVE TO TRIPLE H? THE ONE WHO MADE NXT SO SUCCESSFUL? AND HE ALSO BROUGHT ROCKSTAR SPUD AS THE GM? AND THERE WILL BE A CRUISERWEIGHT TOURNAMENT WHICH ENDS AT WRESTLEMANIA? YAY!
  • Daniel Bryan has been cleared for in-ring action by WWE physicians. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
  • For almost 20 years, WWE is bringing back HALFTIME HEAT!!! in 2019 which featured the infamous The Rock vs. Mankind match in a empty crowd arena during the halftime of Super Bowl XXXIII in 1999, This time now featuring NXT Superstars Ricochet, Aleister Black and The Velveteen Dream vs. Tommaso Ciampa, Johnny Gargano and Adam Cole in a Six-Man Tag team match streaming live during the halftime of Super Bowl LII.
  • Wrestlemania 35: Kofi Kingston WINS THE WWE TITLE!!!!
  • Summerslam 2019: Edge is interrupting Elias by himself? What's going on? EDGE JUST SPEARED ELIAS! OH MY GOD!
  • EDGE IS OFFICIALLY BACK!!
  • Mark this on your calendar folks: As of July 14, 2022, WWE HAS ANNOUNCED THAT THEY ARE NO LONGER PG!!! THE PG ERA IS OVER!!!
  • While the circumstances as to why it happened weren't something anybody wanted, the news that Vince McMahon would be stepping down as CEO of WWE and that he'd be taking John Laurinaitis and Kevin Dunn (aka two men widely credited with being responsible for some of WWE's worst creative decisions in recent years) with him, with Stephanie and Triple H taking over did give many fans hope for the company at least.note 
  • Rey meeting up with the Legado del Fantasma with shirts? Hmm, that's nice. Wait, those shirts have the logo of the Latino World Order?!
  • Survivor Series 2023: He's baaaaaaaack...
  • IT’S OVER! IT'S OVER! THE BLOODLINE SAGA IS FINALLY DEAD!

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