What dumb idea does Vince McMahon have next? The Raw guest hosts are the lamest idea that Vince has ever had in a long time. Summerfest?! Kobe Kingston?! What the hell does ZZ Top have to do WWE Ra- did you say Bret Hart's hosting Raw? Bret "The Hitman" Hart's hosting Raw?!! And has signed deal through WrestleMania 26?!!Hell has truly frozen over...
Back in 2005, they're resurrecting ECW for a Pay-Per-View? Foley's doing color commentary? Awesome! Wait, Joey Styles is doing play-by-play?! ALKSFJDSLKFLSAKFKLS OH MY GOD!!! YOU MEAN HE'S GOING TO BE THE NEW COMMENTATOR ON RAW?! HOLY SH-
Old school RAW huh, this sounds ni- was that the original block WWF logo? And the 1993 theme?! The Attitude Era titantron with the RAW letters old?!! Cole and King introducing the show standing ringside using old uncovered mics?!!! Can we keep that arena interview stage?!! Many fangasmed over the old school graphics, the announced return of Piper's Pit and other WWF/WWE legends that came to visit this night. And just before a Daniel Bryan/Jack Swagger match, Howard Finkel announced that it would have a special guest commentator. Cue BoomerSooner.
WWE going to bring back WWE Tough Enough? Meh, sounds pretty cool but I doubt it'll be anything spec- Wait, Stone Cold Steve Austin is going to host?!?!?! HELL YEAH!!!!!!
And he's goingto be joined by Bill DeMott? I don't remember who h- Booker T?! Aw, cool, that's gre— AND TRISH STRATUS?!?!?!?!? HELL YEAH!!!!
Yeah, the whole "Immortal" storyline over at TNA has gotten really stale. Really, they should have set up Fortune as the faces against Immortal. Right now ], they're trying to get the Main Event Mafia back to fight them like we need those guys back. And now Kevin Nash and Booker T are back at WWE, so TNA's just kind of scre— wait, did Robert Roode just clothesline Jeff Hardy? Did Beer Money and Kaz just chuck Immortal out of the ring? AJ Styles just grabbed a mic... wait... IS FORTUNE TURNING FACE?!?!?!?! IT'S ABOUT TIME!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
It gets better. Because he proceeds to call out Immortal on everything that the fans had been complaining about during the entire Immortal storyline. You could hear the fandom rejoice as he did so in one of the largest cheers in TNA history.
Alright, guest host for Wrestlemania XXVII. What? Rumors of Bob Barker? Meh, not bad but not what I was thinking.... What? *** ***!? WHAT!? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! OH GOD NO, ANYONE BUT HIM!! THIS IS GONNA BE THE WORST WRESTLE- WAIT, WHAT? IT'S THE ROCK!? IF YA SMEEEEEELLLLLL......
Jesus Christ that Wrestlemania sucked balls. RAW better do something to make for it... HOLY FUCKING CRAP JOHN CENA VS THE ROCK FOR WRESTLEMANIA XXVIII!!!
They TEAM UP TOGEHER FOR THE FIRST TIME AND ONLY TIME AT SURVIVOR SERIES!!!!!!!
YOUR TIME IS UP! MY TIME IS NOW!note To explain, this guy tore his pec muscle four months before the Royal Rumble. He was medically cleared and WWE didn't drop the word that he was going to make it to the match, much less Number 30.
Oh great, Michael Cole just entered the Rumble. Somebody please- wait a minute. Scare Chord? The lighting turning blue? It can't be. *Evil Laugh starts up* KHARMA!!!
Too bad it would be her last appearance with the company.
Raw 15th Anniversary, huh? Cool. Starting it off with Vince McMahon saying he's the reason why Raw is so great, of course - *car crash* Hey, it's MANKIND! And he's got Mr. Socko! Yes, he put Mr. McMahon in the Mandible Claw! Alright! Vince is writhing in pain on the mat - *gong*TAKER! Sweet! Oh yeah, Chokeslam! Vince is in for a rough night - *glass shatters* Here comes Stone Cold! And he just gave McMahon a Stone Cold Stunner! Yay!
Alright, Howard Finkel's doing announcement? Sweet! 15 man battle royal? Cool! Doink The Clown? Awesome! IRS? Sweet! Gangrel? Whoa! Who's coming out ne - TURN IT UP!Wha? aefrngeafglgeawfrgswvgb SCOTTY 2 FREAKING HOTTY? YEAH!
Here comes Jillian, talking smack about Trish Stratus and—OH MY GOD! LITA'S BACK! And she and Trish HUGGED!
Sin Cara goes to Smackdown? Great, they'll actually give him good screen time. Wait, his first major feud is with Chavo? They're giving Chavo something to do!?! Sweet! And they're throwing in DANIEL BRYAN?
Man... NXT Redemption has sucked all season. Thank god that it's almos-Wait! Derrick Bateman's back and is now in the final three with Daniel Bryan as his pro?!! AWESOME!!!
Money In The Bank 2011. The Smackdown match? Pfft, it'll obviously be Sheam... DANIEL BRYAN'S WON IT? Awesome! Randy Orton defending against Christian? Eh, Orton's the most over guy on Smackdown, there's no way... Christian won? AWESOME! Time for the Raw MITB match! The winner is...Alberto Del Rio? Yawn. Finally, John Cena defending against CM Punk? Nah, Punk's leaving, and Cena's WWE's golden boy... PUNK WINS? CLEANLY? AWESOME!!!! OH, NO, here comes Alberto to cash in-PUNK ESCAPED! AWESOME!!!!! Seriously, Money In The Bank was an enormous CMOA for many Smarks.
And the next Smack Down? Bryan lets everyone know when he's cashing: WrestleMania!!! Come April 2012, the World Heavyweight Champion, whoever it is, is getting his fucking head kicked in.
Later subverted. Bryan actually cashed in his contract 3 1/2 months prior, and was the champion at WrestleMania... for 18 seconds in the opening match to Sheamus.
All right, Triple H is in charge starting 7/25/11 and says people have been wanting this guy all around. Okay, let's bring out CM...wait a minute...JIM ROSS?! Cue BOOMER SOONER BABY! And of course Cole hates it so he has to fight...against ZACK RYDER?! AWESOME... for about five seconds. Here comes Cole in his TRIPLE H GEAR!!! Let's just get Cole winning over with-OH MY GOD, RYDER WON!! WOO WOO WOO!! Oh, and John Morrison's back and he's going after R-Truth's ass! And the clincher....PUNK HAS RETURNED!
"Yeah yeah Cena's won again. Well, maybe for Summerslam he'll get a decent...that's not Del Rio's music, I'm not an Indy fan, whose coming out? Yeeeeaaaahhhh." Best part was all Punk did was face Cena and raise the real belt to a much bigger pop.
And coming in on 7/29/11 things have shaped up: Triple H has assigned an assistant for Long—IT'S ZACK RYDER!!! And Sheamus has returned in being a Badass and is willing to fight Mark Henry!
Armageddon 2006: Okay so we have Paul London and Brian Kendrick vs. William Regal and Dave Taylor for the WWE Tag Team Championships. Standard aff—wait a minute, did Long say we're having a LADDER MATCH?! YES! And...AND THERE ARE TWO MORE TEAMS FOR A FATAL FOUR WAY? WHO ARE THEY?! Oh my god...IT'S MNM AND THE [[Wrestling/Jeff Hardy HARDYS]]!!!!
Evan Bourne is getting more face time, but hasn't really got a major push...Wait...DID HE JUST WIN THE TAG TEAM TITLES?! WITH KOFI KINGSTON?!
Too bad Evan had one of his two run-ins with the WWE Wellness Policy and an injury which has left him in Limbo. Kingston would get another reign with R-Truth the following April.
Damn, John Laurniatis fired Jim Ross and Michael Cole mocked him too. Oh, great John Laurintis starts off the new Raw just great. Wait he brought JR and PUT HIM IN A MATCH VS MICHAEL COLE AND WHO LATER MADE HIM TAP TOO!!
The Muppets are going to host the Halloween Raw!? Oh my goodness!
Oh crap, Ryder has to fight Mark Henry in a No Disqualifications match after ALREADY facing Cena?? Laurinaitis, you son of a- What. Did Cena just give an Attitude Adjustment to Henry, THEN help pull Ryder on top of him for the cover?! HOLY SH-
Yeah, aside from The Rock and John Cena teaming up, this year's Survivor Series is going to be a bor.......WAITAMINUTE! CM Punk brought the Howard Finkel to be his personal ring announcer?! Oh, and I'm sure Del Rio wil reta- what's this?! CM Punk is the NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWE CHAMPION! IN MADISON SQUARE GARDEN! YES! YES! YES!
Ho hum. Time for the Slammys. OK, the "I did not just see that" award. The show always opens with a major angle, so it's gotta be The Mi-JIM ROSS!! HE'S BACK TO KICK COLE'S ASS!! That rap off was lame, It's time for the next awa- Mick Foley! Awesome!! AND HE BROUGHT THE MILLION DOLLAR MAN?!?! YES!!!!! It's time for Pipe Bomb of the Year with....OH, YOU DIDN'T KNOW!!! ROAD DOGG!!!!!! And the winner is...CM PUNK!! Man, that John Laurinaitis tribute was awesome! Up next it's the Divalicious Moment of the Ye-OH MY GOD!! IT'S LITA!!!!!!! YES, YES!!!!!!!!!! And the winner is...Kelly Kelly? FUCK! The next winner is Triple H! AND HE's BACK! The Trending Star of the year-with TONY ATLAS!! The Winner is...Dolph Ziggler? that su-WAIT, SO ZACK RYDER WAS THE REAL WINNER!!! AWESOME!!!!!! Up next is...CHRISTIAN! To present the award to...Cena? WHAT!! WHY NOT EDGE??!?! He deserved it more than Cena. Ok, here's the A-lister of the year award-GOLDUST IS BACK, BABY!!!! And the winner, I'll be happy as long as it's not...SNOOKI WON?!?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Hey, she wished Zack Ryder good luck. And here comes superstar of the year with Rey Mysterio Jr! Yeah, we all know that thanks to the kids the winner will be John- CM PUNK, YES!!! YEEAAAAH!!!!!. Time for our main event, Mark Henry vs John Cena? Boring- *BURST OF FIRE* Wha- Is that Kane? Holy shit he just Chokeslammed Cena and... HOLY SHIT HE HAS THE MASK BACK! WAIT! HE HAS TWO MASKS!!!!
Oh god, after much demand, we WILL be seeing CM Punk vs Chris Jericho in the main event!
The fans still demand it. Jericho, unexpectedly to the suits in the back, won a three-way vote to face Punk on Raw on February 4, 2013. The two had another great match.
Jack Swagger and Santino Marella for the US Championship? This is gonna be a squash ma... WHA... SANTINO WON!!?
WrestleMania 28: Oh, of course John Cena's gonna win against The Rock. He's the face of the WWE and the——ROCK BOTTOM!? ONE! TWO! THREE! ROCK WINS! ROCK WINS! OH MY GOD! THE ROCK WINS!
Alright, "The End Of An Era" match is starting!! Wait that's not Shawn Michaels's music. It's Boomer Sooner, J.R is gonna call this MATCH!! YES!!! YES!!! YES!!!
April 2, 2012: Cena wants to personally congratulate Rock for his victory and we're waiting.... *GUITAR SCREECH* HOLY SHIT!!! IT'S BROCK LESNAR!!!!
A Beat The Clock Challenge to determine the #1 Contender for CM Punk's WWE Title? Nice, who's involved? Santino Marella? The Miz? Randy Orton? Jack Swagger? Ugh... Wait. Daniel Bryan's in the tournament? DANIEL BRYAN WON? WE'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO SEE DANIEL BRYAN VS CM PUNK FOR THE WWE TITLE AT OVER THE LIMIT? YES! YES! YES!
According to his representative, Brock Lesnar "Quits" WWE. Ah, hell no! Who the fuck is that rep— PAUL HEYMAN!!!!!!!!!!!
A People Power Battle Royal huh? Sounds boring... "GO!!!", wait, is that? It is!!!! Christian's back!!!!! And he won!!!! He's challenging Santino Marella for the United States Championship? FUCK!!!!! Wait, Cody Rhodes is talking to Eve and says Christian wouldn't win against him. OH SHIT CHRISTIAN WAS RIGHT BEHIND HIM AND CHALLENGES HIM FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!!! CHRISTIAN'S TURNING FACE!! CHRISTIAN WON!!!!!! YES! YES! YES! YES!
The Invasion is in full swing - WWF (then) versus WCW, after Vince bought out WCW, and was bringing some of the lower level guys in to 'invade'. July 9, 2001, Lance Storm & Mike Awesome (representing WCW) vs. Kane and Chris Jericho. Rob Van Dam and Tommy Dreamer (apparently free agents at that time, but known to viewers as ECW guys), attack Kane & Jericho. Here comes the WWE brigade to help save Kane & Jericho but... wait... all those guys were from ECW originally, and what's Heyman saying, OH CRAP THEY'VE ALL TURNED ON KANE & JERICHO! (If you saw it originally, that brief moment of realization who is in the ring before they deliberately turn and face the WWE faces is beautiful. Or if you were really observant, as they ran down the ramp.) - Ross: "What the hell is this all about?" Heyman: "You want answers? It's damn time you got answers!" - Heyman's in the ring. Hardcore fans are screaming and laughing at the phoenix of Extreme rising again. Promptly screwed by allying with WCW and Stephanie taking over, but those moments were glorious.
On the June 11th edition of Raw, Heath Slater is going into a match, and bragging about how it's his time, when suddenly... OH, IT'S TIME! IT'S TIME! IT'S...VADER...TIME!
June 18: Slater ruins Cyndi Lauper's return—BAGPIPES?! Rowdy Roddy Piper saves another awful moment!
June 25: Slater says he rules the world—FDHSDGFHSDGFASGFN SYCHO SID?!?!?! WWE's pulling out all the stops!!!
July 2: I can't wait to see what legend Slater faces this week. Slater says he isn't a clown aaaaand cue... Doink the Clown?! Well that's kinda lame. And Slater squashes him giving him his first win in weeks. Well, the whole thing was good while it lasted. When out of nowhere: It's Me, It's Me, It's DDP! blares in the arena for the first time in ten years. One false display of friendship and a Diamond Cutter later, the segment is saved.
July 9: Slater just lost his MITB qualifying match at the hands of Sin Cara and he's asking for open exhibition—IS THAT BOB BACKLUND!! He still got it.
July 16: OK, so who is it this time? Well, Heath's become Genre Sav-- IS THAT RIKISHI'S MUSIC?!!
July 20 Smack Down: So, another match on Smackdown. Well, WWE has pulled out several superstars, who could the— ROAD WARRIOR ANIMAL?!!
Raw's 1000th episode he issues an open challenge to anyone in the back. Is that LITA!! And with a no-disqualification stipulation! Oh wait.... She's not alone! SHE BROUGHT THE APA WITH HER TOO!!
Raw 1001: He says that he's glad that the legends are gone and issues an open challenge to any current superstar. How much longer are they going to drag this out? Wait a minute... "Voices"? Randy Orton is back!
Raw's 1000th episode: It's awesome to see DX, oh wait is that the NEW AGE OUTLAWS & X-PAC COMING OUT ON A TANK!!
Well, they're clearly building to a Bobby Roode vs James Storm match at Bound for Glory, so Austin Aries isn't going to beat him. Well, at least they'll put on a good match- wait, what? DID I JUST SEE THAT? YES YES YES! AUSTIN ARIES IS THE TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!
At Survivor Series 2012, it looks like CM Punk's championship reign will fall short at 364 days right? Wrong. Seth Rollins*
Better known as Tyler Black on the indy scene
, Dean Ambrose*
Better known as Jon Moxley
and Roman Reigns all interfere, finally making their debut as "The Shield" in WWE, to the delight of many a Smark the world over.
At TLC 2012, Alberto Del Rio teases a face turn, which is already a Cue the Flying Pigs moment in itself, but he teams with a recently-turned Miz and needs another tag team partner to face Health Slater, Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre. So who do they find? They find New York's own Brooklyn Brawler!
They win the match, subverting Brawler's long-time jobber status.
The following night, Del Rio and Miz face off against 3MB once more in Philadelphia. They are in need of a third tag partner once more. Who is the partner? Not the Brawler, but Tommy Dreamer!
So, Number 8 is coming out, probably a job... Wait! It's GOLDUST!
Number 17? Who's going to come out next... IT'S THE GODFATHER!
Uh oh, there's an announcement by Dixie Carter. I wonder what that is... wait? TNA's going ON THE ROAD even more?! No more Impact Zone?! First Live Show on the road takes place in Chicago?!
So, El Generico signed with WWE? There's no way they're gonna... wait. WHAT?!? GENERICO SHOWED UP AT AN NXT EVENT?! AS EL GENERICO?!?! THEY DIDN'T UNMASK HIM?!?!?!? SI! SI! SI! SI! OLE!
So when will TNA get a new video ga... wait? Activision is going to make a new TNA Game?! For the upcoming PS4 no less?!
Here we are in an average WWE House Show in Waco, Texas. Sandow and Barrett vs Sheamus in a Handicap Match? Sure! Wait? Sheamus has a surprise? What is it? .... GONG! IT'S THE UNDERTAKER!!
Even better, Taker shows up at Old School Raw to confirm he is going to Wrestlemania, after speculation that he may not be able to compete. And to top it off, CM Punk wins a Fatal 4 Way match to determine who will fight Taker at the event. Ladies and Gentlemen The Phenom vs the Best in the World at the Showcase of the Immortals, with the Undertaker's 20-0 streak on the line. April 7 can't come soon enough.
So Sonjay Dutt has to qualify for an X Division title shot in a three way match. And he's facing... Ooh, it's Mason Andrews (also known as Harold in the WWE), I thought he was just a one off. And the third man is?... OH MY GODSAFDSDFGHJKL PETEY FUCKING WILLIAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CANADIAN DESTROYER IS BACK IN TNA!
So who are the singers to perform at Wrestlemania 29? Sean "Diddy" Combs? Skylar Grey? Sounds lame. Wait? Someone's going to perform at WM? And he's going to perform CM Punk's theme? Who is it? GASP! IT'S LIVING COLOUR! THEY ARE GOING TO PERFORM AT WM 29!
OK, Alberto Del Rio just defeated Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter, and it looks like Alberto has an ankle injury — WAIT! IS THAT?!?! IT'S DOLPH ZIGGLER WITH THE MONEY IN THE BANK CONTRACT! HE'S FINALLY CASHING IT IN! AND HERE HE COMES—uh, oh, Del Rio has the cross armbrea—ZIGGLER ESCAPED! ZIG ZAG! FOR THE PIN!!!! 1! 2! 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ZIGGLER'S THE NEW WORLD CHAMPION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
