Dismissive Descriptions of Media

Recently I came across a hilarious description of The Wire as "the Baltimore based cops and robbers show", Citizen Kane "that movie where a rich guy dies" and Guernica as "that black and white painting with a deformed cow".

It reminded me a lot of our Paint the Hero Black and Warp That Aesop pages, and I thought it would be fun to come up with a few Dismissive Descriptions of my own, by taking a list of the 100 best films of all time and other big notable movies off the top of my head to inspire me. I hereby invite you, my fellow tropers, to come up with your own hilariously misleading and misrepresenting summaries of great milestone works.

edited 4th Mar '18 4:26:57 PM by TheHandle

Uh huh

I'm don't think this thead is a good idea,it;s a complaint thread really

What complaint thread? It looks like a pretty fun game! Let me try!

• Fallout 3: The game about daddy issues.
• Overwatch: The game where Pixar characters fight.
• Darksiders: Zelda starring Little Red Riding Hood beating up demons.
• The Force Awakens: The movie about an angsty Emo Teen in a way-too-tight hat.
• The Last Jedi: The movie where one guy takes off his stupid hat while everyone else puts theirs on tighter.
• Game of Thrones: medieval murder fest soap opera.
• The 100: Dawson's Creek, but with Lord of the Flies thrown in.

• King of the Hill: a story about propane and propane accessories.
• Code Geass: a story about pizza, parental abuse and abandonment, and guilt motivating horrible deeds.
• Naruto: a manga about two guys who have no business being friends, yet one of them tries so hard.
• One Punch Man: the story of an invincible hero who always wins with one punch.
• Bleach: a gravure of gorgeous models posing against no backgrounds.
• The Lord of the Rings: the story of how a couple of smallfolk trek hundreds of miles to steal jewelry back where it came from, while a war is waged to distract the owner.
• The Ring of the Nibelungen : love is the most terrifying thing in the world.
• God is not Dead: We most definitely did not kill him. And he most certainly does not remain dead.
• Death Note: egos clash around a cops and robbers game with mass death as background noise.

• Star Wars: There are stars, and a war.
• The Crying Game: I don't know anything about this.
• The Wall: Two for one!
  • Mexico did not pay for this one.
  • You can see it from the Moon!
• Sesame Street: At the intersection with Peanut Butter Boulevard.

• War and Peace: Long book/film/etc. about Exactly What It Says on the Tin
• Romeo and Juliet: That story of boy hates girl (for family reasons), boy meets girl, they fall in love, then they die.
• Avatar: In a world… full of blue people… Never mind that, silly place.
• I CLAVDIVS: Soap opera from The '70s where all characters speak The Queen's Latin and uncle Claudius stutters a lot.
• Dune: A franchise full of sand and those who hate it.
• It’s a Wonderful Life: Another one of those “don’t do suicide” after-school specials.
• People and the Nile: To say that film bombed would be an understatement as it wasn’t even released in the two countries where it was produced.
• Seven Samurai: All seven of them, sorta…
• Lawrence of Arabia: That film with Peter O’Toole and lotsa sand, he kinda likes it.
• A Matter of Life and Death: That war film where David Niven dies, sorta…
• The Mysterious Cities of Gold: There’s only one of them in it, at the very end.

edited 6th Mar '18 1:21:23 PM by AlityrosThePhilosopher

People and the Nile?

People and the Nile (Al-Nas wal-Nil) is an Egyptian-Soviet film (in Sovcolor®) by Youssef Chahine from the late ’60s about the building and opening of the Aswan dam; it was banned in both Egypt and the USSR at the time.

Since old school is overrepresented in my list above so, just not to be dismissive of the younglings:

• Cars: No human representation in this franchise.
• Pacific Rim: Something… something… kaiju… other things.
• Top Gun: Highway to the danger zone, nothing of note otherwise.
• Doctor Strange: The wealthy doc went to Nepal (?), then he got high.
• Breaking Bad: Los Pollos Hermanos, I’d eat there.
• Prometheus: See future scientists gone wild outside of their natural habitat. [on edit] And a xenomorph too.
• The Dark Knight Trilogy: Not the worst Batman flicks.
• Inception: Non, je ne regrette rien.
• Jurassic Park: With much cretaceous included, no expenses were spared.
• Homeland: Security postponed.

edited 6th Mar '18 4:28:33 PM by AlityrosThePhilosopher

Not meant to be mean to anyone.

• The Bible: He is who He is and that’s all who He is.

• Popeye: he yams what he yams.

• Eureka Seven: Seven! Seven moments of discovery, ah ah ah!

Speaking as a Christian, that's pretty much exactly it.

• Scanners - A dude's head explodes, and that's all that matters.
• Big Trouble In Little China - Idiot driver kills Chinese emperor, is unprepared for consequences.
• Deus Ex - Every conspiracy theory ever is true, and you're the Terminator. Lucky you.
• Jo Jo's Bizarre Adventure - buff dudes pose and talk a lot.

• Jojo's Circus: Buff dude retires from posing, opens circus, gives daughter lion.

edited 7th Mar '18 6:51:55 PM by WilliamRadarStorm

• Game of Thrones:The abridged book series based off the popular TV show,the tv show is better and the book is too long!

• Game of Thrones: edgy LOTR fanfiction.
• Twilight: True Blood Slash Fic.
  • Twilight: Lighter and Softer Anita Blake.
• True Blood: political Vampire Diaries fanfiction.
• Vampire Diaries: Dracula Lemon Fic.
• Dracula: Slavic Peril.

edited 8th Mar '18 4:32:12 AM by TheHandle

• Do the Right Thing - That film about why some people don’t do right like some other men do.
• Sherlock - That Brit Com about a doc with a blog and his wacky adventures with an off-beat flatmate.
• Shree 420 - His shoes were Japanese.
• Asterix - That comics about this little guy and his BFF, that big guy who’s not fat.
• Animal Farm - Belushi wasn’t there.
• The Man in the High Castle - A truly disturbing dystopia where the Obersturmbannführer speaks with an American accent.
• Mad Max (1979) - This film tells the story of many a Ford Falcon, one Holden Monaro, a few trucks, and some people who stood in the way.
• Keeping Up Appearances - No dear, it is pronounced “Bucket”.
• Space Adventure Cobra - A man and his BFG.
• All Quiet on the Western Front - Lose the bayonet, keep the shovel.

• Star Trek: People find weird shit in space.

• Star Wars: Some guy demolishes his father's workplace. Twice.

• Do the right thing: it's hot.
• In The Heights: ay carajo it's hot.
  • Granny wins the lottery, then dies.
• {{Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood}}: a Spike Lee joint that breaks the wiki.
• Moby Dick: Violent man has a confusing revenge fantasy against a cheap source of oil

edited 8th Mar '18 12:00:23 PM by TheHandle

• Blade Runner - Rick thought he was being so charming…
• Blade Runner 2049 - …And he got back.

edited 9th Mar '18 4:37:14 AM by AlityrosThePhilosopher

The Silmarillion:

• Quenta Silmarillion: Eons-long war, three acts of genocide, world-shattering cataclysm - all because of three lightbulbs.
• The Children Of Hurin: The old man's stubbornness leads to his children's incest.
• Akalabeth: People invade Heaven. Angels chicken out. God throws a tantrum, sinking a continent in the process.

edited 9th Mar '18 5:13:26 AM by Millership

• Battlestar Galactica 2003 - That show about an advanced space-faring human civilisation that seems unable to make paper pages of a shape simpler than an octagon, so say we all.
• Doctor Who - Whose practice when…
• In Her Majesty’s Secret Service - All The Time In The World, Stavro.
• The Leopard - Più si cambia, più è la stessa cosa.
• Journey to the West - Go west, young simian (life ain’t that peaceful there either, though).
• The Last Supper by Leonardo da Vinci - That fresco about some non-al fresco eatin’ (I know, could not be helped).
• One Hundred Years of Solitude - That book not about a life sentence of solitary confinement, ’cause there are many of them.
• Good Bye Lenin - Test The West™.

edited 14th Mar '18 7:06:23 AM by AlityrosThePhilosopher

• The Nightmare Before Christmas: The Satanic messages you get when you play The Grinch backwards.
• The Grateful Dead: I've got to stay here, but there's no reason why you folks shouldn't go out into the lobby 'til this blows over.
• Mystery Science Theater 3000: Robots were not programmed to enjoy movies, it turns out.

• Mass Effect: That game with the squid robots and blue alien sideboob

• Fire Emblem: That game with tactical waifus

• Black Panther: That movie about a dude who dresses like a cat

• The Cat in the Hat: That book where kids letting a stranger into their house isn't a bad thing.