Just be thankful that this is a radio show.
Crypt Keeper: (seated behind the driver's seat of a hearse, honking the horn and starting the engine) Oh hello, kiddies! You're just in time for your driving lesson. Today we'll be learning about scare-allel parking and the right way to look behind when hacking up. But first, I thought we'd go over a few common hand signals. (sticks his arm out of the window) This, of course, means you're turning right. (puts palm out of the window facing up) And this means you're turning left. (puts his hand out of view) And this means... (a car's horn is heard, followed by the sound of a car's tires and a fleshy thump; he brings his arm back inside the car to find that his hand has been severed) "Slow down, it's time to watch Tales From the Crypt." (snickers) Tonight's moving violation concerns a disk jockey who's so cutting edge, he may lose his chap. I call it: In the Groove.
Gary Grover, a hot-tempered shock jock, absolutely loathes his sister Rita, who feels just the same about him. Rita owns the radio station where her brother airs his sleazy, borderline pornographic early morning show, Gary's Drive-Time Desires, watching in sadistic glee as the ratings continue to plummet and sponsors bail en masse. Rather than cancel the show outright, Rita instead decides to move it to the graveyard shift and sit on it, not allowing it to air while using contractual obligations to prohibit Gary from taking the show to another station. Things soon begin to look up when Rita assigns her brother a new partner named Valerie Cordoza, who proves to be pretty adept in radio engineering. The two of them soon develop an attraction to one another as Valerie helps the newly-renamed Grover's Graveyard crawl out of its perennial ratings slump, to the point where the two of them start engaging in sexual activity over the airwaves. Despite the ratings boost, Rita still looks for a way to shut Gary down for good. Her opportunity starts knocking when Valerie, trying to take Gary's show in a slightly different direction, incites him to go on a furious rant at his late mother for not letting him inherit any of her radio stations. It's this act that finally gets Gary's show cancelled, as Rita reminds him that the siblings' mother's will had it stated that she couldn't be defamed on air. Deciding that his bitchy sister has finally gone too far, Gary decides to remove her from the picture permanently to get his show back. Valerie is all for the idea, strangely enough, but why exactly she's so excited remains to be seen.
Tropes:
- Abusive Parents: Gary and Rita's mother clearly favorited Rita over her son, giving her access to the radio empire she established while Gary is reduced to broadcasting an early morning sleaze-fest of a show on the least popular station she founded.
- Alliterative Name: Gary Grover.
- All Psychology Is Freudian: As part of her and Rita's plan, Valerie spoonfeeds Gary prompts to discuss with his callers. Her bringing up the topics "Anger", "What Makes You Angry?", "Authority Figures", and "Mother" in quick succession prompts Gary to defame his late mother on air, breaching his contract and getting his show cancelled.
- Anti-Villain: Protagonist Gary is lustful, sleazy, and hot-tempered, but only because he's been treated like shit by his own family throughout his life. All he wants is some appreciation, respect, and to have his show kept on air, even if he has to resort to murder to do so.
- Aroused by Their Voice: Gary tends to act like this when he's airing his show, as demonstrated during his session with Carla. He's initially listlessly reciting his old script when Valerie first becomes his partner, but she plays along with it to get him interested again, reigniting his sex drive the point where they get busy over the airwaves.
- Ascended Fangirl: Rita claims that Gary's new partner Valerie is a fan of his, which she finds particularly hard to believe.
- The Bad Guy Wins: Rita gets away with killing her own brother (out of sheer sadism and a contractual loophole), and she in turn gives his show to Valerie, which was Valerie's plan all along.
- Bait-and-Switch: The opening scene has Gary seductively describing undressing Carla, a sultry woman, on air, but when he fumbles a line and Carla wants to stop, it's revealed that she's actually a rather husky woman sitting across from him who only agreed to come on the show for 10 bucks.
- Batman Gambit: A particularly villainous example. Rita sits on Gary's show and prevents him from taking it to another station. To combat the ratings slump, she hires Valerie, who gets Gary to fall in love with her, then tricks him into defaming his mother on air against her will. When Gary sneaks into his sister's house to kill her out of revenge, Rita beats him to the punch and shoots him dead, as Valerie called her to alert her and was given Gary's show in exchange. Valerie is revealed to have planned everything from the start, Rita even thanking Gary for helping her break Valerie in for her.
- Berserk Button: While Rita is shown to be an ever-present thorn in his side, Gary flies off the handle when Valerie dupes him into ranting about his mother.
- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Valerie is said to be a fan of Gary's show and wants to help him in anyway that she can, including making love to him on air and agreeing with his plot to murder Rita. The ending reveals that she was in cahoots with Rita, having called her in advance to warn her and was given Gary's show as a reward.
- Call-Back: Gary is played by Miguel Ferrer, who previously played Mitch Duclon in The Thing from the Grave, and the unnamed hitman in As Ye Sow.
- The episode is directed by Vincent Spano, who played the murderous Barney Fine in Two For the Show.
- The Cameo: Slash appears as Hank Bodine, the DJ who comes on after Gary's show ends.
- Coincidental Broadcast: As they prepare to murder Rita, Gary and Valerie play a pre-recorded broadcast for the day's edition of the show. The topic of this final broadcast happens to be "The Crazy Things We Do For Love."
- Comic Sutra: A week after Gary accepts Valerie as his partner, the two engage in a new segment for the show titled "Bizarre Sex Act Thursday", where Gary asks his callers for "the weirdest, the strangest, the most unquestionably perverse" sex acts they've done.
- Crocodile Tears: As the final step of her plan, Valerie sheds these on air to dupe Gary's callers into accepting her as Gary's replacement.
- Dartboard of Hate: A dartboard with Gary's face on it is seen in his studio, which he idly throws darts at. It can easily be said that his sister bought the thing.
- Dirty Cop: The skeletal officer who writes up the Crypt Keeper in the outro lets him off with a warning, once he's given a dollar bill.
- Dream Intro: The introduction is seen through Gary's mind, where he slowly undresses Carla for his perverted listeners. He ends up losing track of his lines and the fantasy ends when Carla wants to stop, where we discover that she's actually pretty fat. And that she only did the show for $10.
- Drives Like Crazy: The Crypt Keeper gets behind the wheel of a hearse for the episode's framing segments. The outro sees that he's crashed it into a telephone pole.
- "Eureka!" Moment: Gary gets the idea to kill Rita as soon as Valerie hypothetically asks if he'll do so.
- Evil Wears Black: Rita and Valerie are seen wearing black at different points of the story, hinting that they're the villains.
- Fanservice: The opening fantasy sequence, where Gary slowly undresses, and feels up, a sultry woman named Carla.
- Foreshadowing: Gary's last rant at Rita is that he's totally fine if she wants to get rid of him, saying that he can get a job at another station. It turns out Rita meant to "get rid of him" in a very different sense.
- Frame-Up: Gary plans to frame his killing of Rita as the work of a burglar.
- Hair-Trigger Temper: Gary slips into temper tantrums quite often, as the result of all the browbeating he recieved from his abusive family.
- Hate Sink: RITA. She treats Gary like total shit, forbids his show from airing after demoting him to the graveyard shift, prevents him from taking the show to another station, and cans it when he goes against their late mother's will and defames her on the air. Gary even tells Valerie that ever since they were children, Rita would always top him in everything, all out of pure spite.
- The single most infuriating thing about her? She wins. Specifically, she gets the drop on Gary's murder plot and kills him first, officially renouncing him as her brother and calling him "an accident at birth" before she pulls the trigger.
- What might be even more infuriating is the reasoning for why she kills Gary. Part of the reason is a loophole in her mother's will (stated below). But the other part is that, as far as we're concerned, she wanted to kill him just for the hell of it.
- He's Back!: Gary outright says that he's back in business once he hears Valerie's enthusasitc-yet-slutty roleplaying over the air.
- Imagine Spot: The opening sequence of Gary and his "lady-friend" Carla engaging in slutty conversation.
- There's another one of Gary's plan to murder Rita in her sleep as he's describing it to Valerie.
- I Work Alone: Before he meets Valerie, Gary furiously insists that he doesn't want or need some partner running his show with him.
- Jerkass Has a Point: While Rita treats Gary like absolute crap, she isn't exactly wrong when she tells him that his ratings are in the toilet and his last sponsor just pulled out, effectively making it so the station is losing money the longer he stays on air.
- Leg Focus: Gary remarks to his imaginary version of Carla that she has great legs.
- Loophole Abuse: This is part of the reason why Rita kills Gary before he can kill her (aside from her blatant sadism), as the sibling's late mother's will had it said that Rita couldn't fire her brother for low ratings. It never said she couldn't kill him.
- Loser Protagonist: Gary has been mocked and belittled by both his late mother and his bitch of a sister throughout his life. His show gets "sat on" so it can't air or be taken to a different station, and when he goes to kill his sister out of revenge, she beats him to the punch and fills him with lead, his partner having sold him out while he was gone.
- The Mole: As revealed in the ending, Valerie is revealed to have been working with Rita to get rid of Gary the entire time. She plays up the grief regarding Gary's death as she eagerly takes callers reacting to the news, Rita having given her Gary's show as a reward for her assistance.
- Momma's Boy: Hank Bodine calls Gary one of these as he slams the door in his face, mouthing it through the window for good measure.
- Nightmare Fetishist: The episode is set in a world of people who are apparently attracted to on air sex with paranormal entities.
- Panty Shot: Carla's panties are focused on a few times during the opening fantasy sequence as Gary talks to her.
- Parental Favoritism: Rita was clearly the favorite of her mother, who similarly loathed Gary.
- Pre-Mortem One-Liner: Just before she shoots her brother dead, Rita calls Gary an accident and birth and tells him "Give my love to Mom."
- Romantic Fake–Real Turn: The majority of the sex broadcast on Grover's Graveyard is simulated for the audience. At the midway point of the episode, Gary and Valerie actually fall in love and have sex on air.
- Sadist: Rita is one of these, since she's treated Gary like utter shit ever since they were kids, and continues harassing him, canning his show, and forbidding him to take the show anywhere else for contractual obligations. She even ends the episode by killing him in cold blood, partly because he was going to do the same to her, and partly because she wanted to.
- Shock Jock: Gary, who lustfully fantasizes about sex with hot women and supernatural beings on the air to a very small audience.
- Show Within a Show: Gary's Drive-Time Desires (later renamed Grover's Graveyard), the sleazy early-morning radio show that Gary hosts.
- Sibling Rivalry: Rita and Gary have one of the most bitter rivalries ever featured on this show.
- Stock Sound Effects: Valerie begins adding these to Gary's show as it resurges in popularity.
- Unwitting Pawn: Valerie, with assistance from Rita, uses Gary as a plaything to ensure that he's killed and she takes over his show.
- Vocal Dissonance: Carla, the woman in Gary's fantasy, has a very sultry voice, but in the real world, it's revealed that she's a pretty hefty person.
- World of Jerkass: Gary is a sleazeball shock jock with a firey temper, but that's because his mother and sister have treated him like shit for a good chunk of his life. The fact that his show's ratings skyrocket when he and Rita actually have sex on air hints that the episode is set in a world chockful of lustful deviants.
- Younger and Hipper: A somewhat inverted case. Valerie apparently gets tired of only giving her and Gary's callers sex, so she decides to change the show into a call-in show to discuss different topics with different callers.
Crypt Keeper: Poor Gary! Talk about being number one... with a bullet! (laughs) Looks like he'll be the mourning man after all! (cackles; the camera pans out to reveal the hearse has crashed into a telephone pole) As for me, kiddies, I guess I better start practicing what I preach. I got caught going a little fester than the speed limit. But the officer decided to let me off with a warning. (he pulls out a dollar bill and hands it to a skeletal police officer standing next to the hearse, who takes it) See? It pays to know the ghouls of the road. (cackles)
