Funny / Nintendo Power

• Many of the Nester comics.
  • Nester's constant bickering with Howard Phillips.
  • In one issue he was kidnapped on the moon, and when he was rescued, his boasting made the astronauts decide to leave without him.
  • The Lost Episode given to Phillips. A simple go-kart race between the duo ends up sounding like a vicious match of Mario Kart.
    Nester: (after the race ended) Maybe you're taking this too fast. Remember, you were a junky for years and years.
    • Howard's Nester-esque trash talk during the race.
• The Star Fox 64 promo video.
  • The Sega and Sony guys constantly do evil laughs.
  • Sony talking through the megaphone when Peter is right in front of him.
    Sega: Word on the street is, you got a new Nintendo 64 game coming out.
    Peter: Could you be a little more specific? We got a lot of new games coming out.
    Sega: (mimics him derisively)
  • This part.
    Sega Guy: And you'd better tell us all you know, or else...
    Peter: Or else what?
    [Sega Guy stutters in disbelief; Sony Guy shoves him out of the way]
    Sony Guy: Or else... plumber boy here... gets it!
    [Sony Guy reveals a Mario doll on a torture rack]
  • Later, they kidnap another Nintendo guy, Bob, by pretending to be pizza delivery men. When it cuts back to their lair, Peter is shown eating pizza while still tied up.
    Sega: Pizza for Bob.
    Sony: Are you, uh... Bob?
    Bob: Yeah, but, uh... I didn't order any pizza. (Sega opens the pizza box, spreading knockout gas; Sony and Sega laugh maniacally)
  • Bob's line as Sony and Sega ask if Star Fox 64 can be played on the Sega Saturn or Playstation.
    Bob: NOPE! ONLY ON NINTENDO 64!
• Several of the letters fans wrote.
• Volume 29 had letters from kids whose parents took over their NES or Game Boy.
  • One highlight was this letter about a Tetris mom.
  I received a Game Boy for my fourteenth birthday. I was very pleased with it, but less than a week later I lost it. I didn't misplace it or drop it down the garbage disposal—the fate I suffered was much worse. I was playing Tetris and I had just finished Level 9-1 when my mother sat down and started watching me. A few minutes later she asked me to play. She's been at it ever since. Even as I write, she plays. I don't think I can stop her. Help!
  • Another was this letter about a Zelda dad.
  When we bought The Legend of Zelda in 1988, we didn't realize we were unleashing a monster. My dad became addicted, playing at night on weekdays. He just couldn't stop! Some weeknights he'd stay up until 4 or 5 o'clock in the morning trying to defeat Ganon. He would sleep for 2 hours, then get up and go to work at 7 o'clock. Finally, four months later, Dad finally beat Ganon in a showdown at Death Mountain. Life settled down for awhile, but then, last year, we got The Adventure of Link. ...Mistake! Normality was just a dream.
• One letter was from an extremely overenthusiastic Donkey Kong fan who was singlehandedly trying to turn him into Chuck Norris. About halfway through he ran out of powers DK actually had, and starting making things up, leading up to "...he can shoot fire and ice, and he can DO DONKEY FLARE AND WIPE OUT THE PLANET WITH HIS MIND!"
  • DK can also make a banana smoothie WITH HIS MIND, according to NP in response.
• One fan sent an incredibly long letter about NP's recent debate about whether video games are better now than they were twenty years ago. The letter ran for the whole length of the page, and was eventually interrupted by a picture of an NP staffer's head exploding.
• The coverage of Metal Walker had a couple funny lampshades. At the final area, the guide says "Your father must be here, especially since you've looked everywhere else."
• The section of Nintendo Power normally reserved for cheat codes or advanced strategy had a section on Milon's Secret Castle called Getting Started.
• One April Fool's Day joke had Nintendo talking about Warp Pipe technology being experimented on and utilized in real life. Months later, two people wrote in to ask how the project was going.
  • NP replied by announcing that their test subject had a new nickname: "Steaming Puddle of Goo".
• Headless Snowman 64◊, a prank about everyone getting into a game over Luigi.
• The final issue:
  • This recollection in the letters section.
    I remember the time I got my first issue. It was The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time issue. On that day my friend and I were doing a window watch for the mailman. We had been looking outside the window for four hours. (That's how desperate we were to read your magazine.)
    Well, of course, impatience kicked in and we decided to go find the mailman ourselves. We went six blocks away and found him. We followed him for three blocks, but I guess he saw us coming because he scrambled into the mail truck and sped away. We sprinted after him for a couple more blocks until he finally came to my house.
    We ran up to him as he got out and I guess he was scared of us because he threw the mail on my lawn and sped away. From that day on, we would do this every time we knew a new Nintendo Power issue was coming. I will miss doing this and thank you for such an awesome magazine.
  • Volume 77 announced a contest for one subscriber to appear as an extra in a sequel to The Mask. Though a winner was announced, this project fell through due to Jim Carrey wanting no part of it. An unrelated sequel, Son of the Mask, was eventually made long after the winner opted for the cash/merchandise equivalent. In the final issue, NP acknowledged it with: "To whoever won that contest: sorry."
• The "Now You're Cooking With Power!" article in the May 2007 issue, featuring Chris Hoffman covering cooking games accompanied by humorous images and a narrative of him attempting to cook in real life. Naturally, the results aren't pretty. For starters, in one of the photos, he accidentally cuts his finger off with a knife, then responds "at least I have nine more". He later gets attacked by a Not Quite Dead octopus, fails to bake a cake in ten seconds, and then gives Chris a delicious sourdough sandwich that accidentally contains his severed finger in it. Chris Hoffman himself later admitted that this article was easily one of his favourite parts of his tenure with the magazine.
  • His reaction to cutting his finger off? "Oh, would you look at that. Just call me Mr. Butterfingers." Sound familiar?
• This letter◊ talking about Street Fighter and the ''Street Fighter'' movie.
• One issue had a letters page asking fans what video games have taught them, leading to comedy gold at times.
  • "WWF Wrestlemania 2000 taught me it's a bad idea to get hit in the head with a steel chair."
  • In another letter, someone named Mr. Immortal said whenever they played Castlevania II: Simon's Quest, every time they tried to jump over a lake they'd fall in the water. So when someone threw their keys across a pool, rather than risk certain death they just walked around the side and grabbed it. NP then wondered why someone named Mr. Immortal was worried about certain death.
  • Then there was someone who claimed to have been in a plane when it started to go down, ran into the cockpit and hit the button they saw in Perfect Dark. The plane leveled out and they saved more than 250 people in flight. Nintendo Power said they were a real hero, then wondered why they hadn't heard about it on TV or the news, and concluded someone was pulling their chain.
  • "I just beat Jet Force Gemini last night, and it was incredible! I've learned that if a huge arachnid tries to destroy my planet I should just bust out the Tri-Rocket Launcher. Yeah, baby, yeah!"
  • "I was playing my favorite game, Ogre Battle 64, when I noticed a sword was named "Sum Mannus." I thought it was a Latin phrase, so I looked it up. Sure enough, it means "I am a pony."
• One fan had this question to ask.
  "Has anyone noticed that a couple of characters in Mario Tennis would actually have a very difficult time playing? I'm talking about Shy Guy and Boo. Neither of the characters has visible fingers, so how do they hold their racket? Is it stuck there with Velcro?"
  • Nintendo Power then responded.
  "Shy Guy tells us that his racket is a custom model and it stays in place through the use of high-powered magnets. Boo, however, just muttered something about "sticky ectoplasm" and we'll leave it at that."
• One fan had this funny bit of speculation.
  "I've heard speculation about a PlayStation 3 that can play any type of CD—even a Nintendo GameCube! Is this rumor true?"
• One fan wrote in asking since Morton Koopa was a Jr., did that make Bowser Morton Koopa Sr.? Nintendo Power responded that the Bowsers were in the middle of a family spat, and the matter didn't seem likely to be resolved. Bowser shouted "Son? I have no son!" and threw Bob-Ombs at them until they ran away.
• Immediately after the Wii was released, a fan wrote in asking what the following console would look like. NP claimed to have broken into Nintendo's headquarters and gotten a picture of the next console... which turned out to be of a guy wearing the Virtual Boy, the Power Glove, and standing on the Power Pad.
• One fan wrote a message about the GameCube and its lunchbox-esque design. NP responded with a photo of Chris Shepperd using his GameCube as a lunchbox... and naturally, having all of his lunch fall out! The look on Shepperd's face is the icing on the cake.
  • In general, Chris Shepperd being a recurring Butt-Monkey. Such highlights include his "dabbling in magic" resulting in a photo of Shepperd with Ai-Ai bloodily exploding out of his chest. The joke is later repeated with Pichu and a Mini-Shepherd.
  • A later issue has the Pulse FAQ being asked "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?" The answer is given by photo of Chris Shepperd cheerfully holding one while a woman with a baseball bat sneaks up behind him.
    Caption: What can we say? The guy had it coming. He's not funny and he sucks at magic.
• The Nintendo Salad is even funnier than Portal's infamous cake recipe.
• An anonymous reader in Volume 143 wrote in asking if Ganondorf wore boxers or briefs. NP wrote back saying this.
  Ganondorf actually wears form-fitting chain mail undies. The last time Link gave him a wedgie, he was out of commission for weeks.
• One issue had a Banjo-Kazooie challenge. The winner proved his accomplishment by using, of all things, the Game Boy Camera. Needless to say, the writers gave up and just took his word for it.
  • This becomes even more funny when the winner eventually revealed himself to be André from GameXplain.
• A reader pointed out the lack of a scabbard on Link in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, and asked how his sword is able to stay on his back. The editors' response? Velcro. "Hylian Velcro", as they put it.

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