The Best House in London is a 1969 film directed by Philip Saville.
It is a sex comedy set in Victorian London about an upscale brothel. The government gets the idea that the hordes of streetwalkers in London are a problem, not because most London prostitutes are desperate women driven by necessity, and exploited by ruthless men—what sort of prude would think that?—but because the hookers are spilling over into the respectable neighborhoods and making married women reluctant to go shopping. Sir Francis Leybourne (George Sanders) is approached by the government, with a request to convert a recently vacated building he owns into a brothel, to get the streetwalkers off the streets.
Enter Walter Leybourne (David Hemmings), the dissolute, wastrel son of Sir Francis, who has been disinherited. Walter hits on the idea of running the brothel, right under his father's nose, with the connivance of a French prostitute named Babette who is mistress to both men.
Matters are complicated by a social crusader, Miss Josephine Pacefoot. Josephine is an anti-prostitution activist who has founded the Purity Hostel, a house dedicated to taking in sex workers and giving them honest work. She is assisted in her efforts by an eager young publicist, Benjamin Oakes (also David Hemmings). Josephine is Sir Francis's niece. What neither Josephine nor Benjamin knows is that Benjamin is Sir Francis's illegitimate son.
John Cleese pops up in one scene as a distressed colonist in India. Margaret Nolan appears even more briefly as a streetwalker.
Tropes:
- Actor Allusion: Walter is said to have survived the Charge of the Light Brigade by running away like a coward. Actor David Hemmings starred the year before in The Charge of the Light Brigade as an officer killed in the charge.
- All Women Are Lustful: And almost all women are eager to be hookers, it seems. The ladies at the Purity Hostel all clearly want to jump Benjamin's bones.
- Ambiguous Time Period: All the historical references mess up the time frame. Walter is a young man who is said to have fled the Charge of the Light Brigade, which would seem to date the action to the 1850s. Elizabeth Barrett's father is seen dragging her home from an assignation with Robert Browning, which would make the setting no later than 1846. Benjamin makes an offhand reference to Jack the Ripper; the Whitechapel murders were in 1888.
- Answer Cut:
- At a government meeting, the minister is convinced that the streetwalkers in London have to be put in a brothel somewhere. He wonders "Into where?" Cut to a girls's school sponsored by Sir Francis, which is moving to a new location, leaving the building vacant.
- The policeman leading the brothel raid finds the building empty of girls, with Josephine's "Purity Hostel" in its place. He wonders "Where has it all gone?" Cut to the blimp, carrying all the hookers into Paris.
- Aren't You Going to Ravish Me?: Since virgin-buying is a thing, Josephine and Benjamin "buy" a 15-year-old girl named Flora to save her from a life of prostitution. Once she finds out where she's really going—employment as a seamstress in a blimp factory—an angry Flora says "You promised my mum I'd be ruined!"
- Awful British Sex Comedy: This film is basically a Carry On movie with a higher budget. Nudity, endless sex jokes, and the depiction of prostituion as something fun which women really enjoy.
- Bathe Her and Bring Her to Me: After hiring a woman named Lily as one of his courtesans, Walter, who has already said that he will test the girls personally, says "Give her a wash."
- Establishing Character Moment: Walter is introduced on a balloon ride with a buxom but very dim young woman. He convinces her that they have to take their clothes off to lighten the load in the balloon.
- Kissing Cousins: Walter hits on the idea of taking ownership of the brothel, which Josephine inherited from her uncle although she has no idea it is now a brothel, by marrying her. Marrying your first cousin was perfectly OK in Victorian England.
- Large Ham: George Sanders, usually more of a Cold Ham, really goes to town as Sir Francis, especially when he's bellowing about Walter running away from the charge of the Light Brigade.
- Lousy Lovers Are Losers: Sir Francis, the tight-ass aristocrat. His appointments with Babette last 15 minutes, and that includes chit-chat and putting his clothes back on.
- Match Cut: Sir Francis is dining at a colonist's house in India which is under attack by rebels. He drapes himself with a Union Jack, steps outside, and dares the rebels to fire at the flag. Cut to the bullet-ridden flag, draped over Sir Francis's coffin as it is carried onto the dock back in London.
- Nature Adores a Virgin: One of the squickier parts of the movie involves the selling of teenaged virgins to be deflowered. Walter buys a virgin for the brothel. Josephine and Benjamin buy another virgin to "save" her, which the virgin, a 15-year-old girl, does not appreciate at all.
- The Peeping Tom: Walter's gross, creepy Renfield of a lawyer, who specifically asks to watch through keyholes as Walter has sex with the girls.
- Self-Serving Memory: Phoebe, the hooker that was "saved" by Josephine and is now a waitress, tells a story of how her fall from grace began when she was raped by a young gentleman in the house where she worked as a maid. As she tells her story of a horrific rape, the flashback shows her seducing the young man by literally waving her bottom at him, followed by enthusiastic sex.
- Soapbox Sadie: Josephine, who gives passionate speeches about the awful lives of prostitutes and how women are exploited by men. She comes off as absurd, and is ruthlessly mocked by the men who listen to her speeches.
- Straw Feminist: Josephine, the strident anti-prostitution crusader, is depicted as a ridiculous, absurd figure. All the women she thinks she is "saving" seem to have enjoyed being prostitutes.
- Streetwalker: They're an epidemic in Victorian London, which is why the government reluctantly authorizes the establishment of a brothel.
- Strip Poker: The Card Room (one of the theme rooms at the brothel) naturally features girls stripping off as they lose hands.
- Yellowface: The Chinese trade attache, the one who wants to stop Sir Francis sending opium into China, is played by a white actor.
