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Sorting Algorithm Of Mortality / Film

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To use the Sorting Algorithm of Mortality, simply add the Scream Score for each applicable row, then divide by the number of applicable rows (at this point, 13 or fewer). Remember: this is a relative score, so you need at least 3 characters from the same movie or series to establish a baseline. The original article is here. For characters who have already snuffed it, see Sorting Algorithm of Deadness.

Likelihood of death So dead   Average life expectancy   Die? Me? Ha!
Scream Score! 5 4 3 2 1
Age Older and Wiser Parent, Clueless teens Single adult Protagonist teens Child
Sexual Orientation Slut, Bisexual, Innocent Virgin Gay Straight Reluctant Celibate
Love Interests by Genre Rich Bitch, Horror Genre Hooker with a Heart of Gold, Temporary Shallow, Romance show Shrinking Violet Damsel in Distress, Action Series
Role Villains, Faceless Goons, Mooks, Red Shirt, The Mentor , The Big Guy Loners, Plucky Comic Relief, Mauve Shirt, Long-lost Friend, The Smart Guy The Lancer, Hero of Another Story, The Sidekick, The Scrappy Ignored Expert,
Those Two Guys, The Heart, Supporting Protagonist
Hero, Creator's Pet
Race Black, Twofer's, Leomon Mexican Asian Indian/Native American Caucasian or The Same As The Writer
Gender Tough Girl, Ambiguous Gender, Feminine Man Male Token Girl Action Girl, Final Girl
Aesthetics Ugly Fat "Average" Fashionably Scarred The Cutie
Personality Straw Nihilist, Crazy Survivalist, Innocent, Pragmatic Jerk Jock, The Ditz, Insufferable Genius Jerk with a Heart of Gold The Captain, The Watson All-Loving Hero, Friend to All Living Things
Flaws Too Dumb to Live, Skeptical, Genre Blind, Dirty Coward, Greedy Fell astray, The Stoner, Butt-Monkey (gritty), Smartass Wears Glasses Crippling Phobia Mentally Handicapped
"Virtues" Holier Than Thou, Curious, Pragmatic, Ambitious Quiet Girls and Quiet Guys Smart, Genre Savvynote  Determinator The Pollyanna, The Fool
Species Robots (non-living), Undead, Snakes, Arthropods Cats, Clones, Mechanical Lifeforms Human, Human Aliens Pretty Aliens Dogs (except in literature) (or Disney)
Occupation Retiring Law Officer, Villain by Default, Happy Family Man, Competent secondary female Military Commander, Anyone Serving Under Him, Hero's Best Friend, Mentor Scientist With Questionable Ethics, Innocent Bystander Adventurer Archaeologist, Teacher Super Hero, Nun
Prognosis You Are Already Dead, Take a Moment to Catch Your Death, Post-Mortem One-Liner, Last Stand Your Days Are Numbered, Pre-Mortem One-Liner, You Shall Not Pass! Prepare to Die, He Didn't Make It, Time Bomb, Pre Ass Kicking One Liner, Jump Scare You Have No Chance to Survive, If My Calculations Are Correct Badass Boast, Million to One Chance, Ineffectual Death Threat
Health Chunky Salsa Rule, Incurable Cough of Death Overdrawn at the Blood Bank, Soap Opera Disease I Can Still Fight!, Made of Plasticine, Littlest Cancer Patient Made of Iron, Only a Flesh Wound, Delicate and Sickly Nigh-Invulnerable, Healing Factor, Consumption
  5 4 3 2 1
Pool predictions Killed Mid-Sentence Drop A Bridge On Him Sacrificial Lion, Stuffed into the Fridge Sacrificial Lamb, Dead Star Walking Plot Armor, The Worf Effect


Example Cast:

Series or Film NameDescription of who's who and why they're likely to snuff it.

  • Character A:
    • Row 1: Value 5-1
    • Row 2: Value 5-1
    • Row 3: Value 5-1
      • Total divided by rows: Final score and witty pun
  • Character B:
    • Row 1: Value 5-1
    • Row 2: Value 5-1
    • Row 3: Value 5-1
      • Total divided by rows: Final score and witty pun
  • Character C:
    • Row 1: Value 5-1
    • Row 2: Value 5-1
    • Row 3: Value 5-1
      • Total divided by rows: Final score and witty pun

James Bond Someday there'll be that one bullet, knife, poison dart, or killer shoe that gets him......

  1. Row 1: Age: SingleAdult. There was his ten-second marriage in On Her Majesty's Secret Service, but yeah. 3.
  2. Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Definitely straight. That bit with him emerging from the sea in Casino Royale (2006) does not count. 3.
  3. Row 3: Love Interests by Genre: Temporary. [BondGirls] and everything......4.
  4. Row 4: Role: The Hero. 1.
  5. Row 5: Race: Caucasian, obviously. 1.
  6. Row 6: Aesthetics: [FashionablyScarred]. There's one on his face and another on his hand, but neither prevent all them Bond Girls from wanting to get into his pants...2.
  7. Row 7: Personality: Tough one. He's a mix between The Captain and a Crazy Survivalist. Average: 4.
  8. Row 8: Flaws: None of them really. 1 I guess....
  9. Row 9: Virtues: Smart and Genre Savvy at times. 3.
  10. Row 10: Species: Human. 3.
  11. Row 11: Occupation: Adventurer is the closest. 2.
    • Total divided by rows: 27/11 = 2.45. He'll live for now.

Avengers: Infinity War

  • Iron Man:
    • Row 1: Age: He has gradually become Older and Wiser. 5.
    • Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Slut. 5.
    • Row 3: Role: The Hero. 1.
    • Row 4: Race: White. 1.
    • Row 5: Gender: Male. 3.
    • Row 6: Aesthetics: Fashionably Scarred in the chest and the arm. 3.
    • Row 7: Personality: Insufferable Genius. 4.
    • Row 8: Flaws: The most snarky Smartass of them all. 4.
    • Row 9: Virtues: Incredibly smart. 3.
    • Row 10: Species: Human. 3.
    • Row 11: Occupation: Super Hero. 1.
      • Total divided by rows: 33/11 = 3.0. Maybe work on that armor for this time.
  • Loki:
    • Row 1: Age: Single adult. 3.
    • Row 2: Sexuality: Straight. 3.
    • Row 3: Role: The Villain of Thor and The Avengers who continued to betray his brother well into The Dark World and Ragnarok. 5.
    • Row 4: Race: Quite white. 1.
    • Row 5: Gender: Male. 3.
    • Row 6: Aesthetics: Average? 3.
    • Row 7: Personality: Jerk with a Heart of Gold really buried under all that evil. 3.
    • Row 8: Flaws: The brother of Thor who fell into villainy. 4.
    • Row 9: Virtues: Exemplifies Evil Virtues, including the ever-fatal Ambition. 5.
    • Row 10: Species: Asgardians are aliens who are visually identical to humans. 3.
      • Total Divided by Rows: 22/10 = 2.2.
  • Hawkeye:
    • Row 1: Age: Middle-aged parent. 4.
    • Row 2: Sexuality: Straight. 3.
    • Row 3: Role: His experience has made him The Mentor to Wanda. 5.
    • Row 4: Race: Quite white. 1.
    • Row 5: Gender: Male. 3.
    • Row 6: Aesthetics: Average? 3.
    • Row 7: Personality: Pragmatic enough to do whatever dirty trick wins a fight. Risks Death by Pragmatism. 5.
    • Row 8: Flaws: Butt-Monkey. 4.
    • Row 9: Virtues: Pragmatic. 5.
    • Row 10: Species: A human among aliens. 3.
    • Row 11: Occupation: Happy Family Man. 5.
      • Total divided by rows: 41/11 = 3.727. He might as well wear a bullseye for Thanos.
  • Groot
    • Row 1: Age: Hero teen. 2.
    • Row 2: Sexuality: As a plant, he's probably an example of asexuality. 2.
    • Row 3: Role: Plucky Comic Relief. 4.
    • Row 4: Gender: Male. 3.
    • Row 5: Aesthetics: The Cutie. 1.
    • Row 6: Personality: As of his whiny teenage years, Groot's become a Jerk with a Heart of Gold. 3.
    • Row 7: Flaws: Smartass enough to mimic everything Quill said in his one teenage scene. 4.
    • Row 8: Virtues: The Fool. 1.
    • Row 9: Species: A humanoid alien with a lot of strange tree-like traits. 3.
    • Row 10: Occupation: Mainly aligns with the Guardians because of his friendship with Rocket, making him a likely Friendly Target. 4.
      • Total divided by rows: 27/10 = 2.7.
  • The Vision:
    • Row 1: Age: Technically a child. 1.
    • Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Implicitly straight. 3.
    • Row 3: Love Interests by Genre: Love interest to Scarlet Witch in an Action Series. 1.
    • Row 4: Role: With his Infinity Stone, he is The Big Guy of the post-Ultron Avengers. 5.
    • Row 5: Race: Artificially white, sometimes. 1.
    • Row 6: Gender: Male. 3.
    • Row 7: Aesthetics: Average? 3.
    • Row 8: Personality: Innocent enough to be worthy of Thor's hammer. 5.
    • Row 9: Flaws: Smartass? 4.
    • Row 10: Virtues: Holier Than Thou. 5.
    • Row 11: Species: A robot, one that can be rebuilt. 5.
    • Row 12: Occupation: Superhero. 1.
      • Total divided by rows: 37/12 = 3.083. Didn't see that one coming.
  • Spider-Man:
    • Row 1: Age: Protagonist teen. 2.
    • Row 2: Sexual Orientation: Straight. 3.
    • Row 3: Role: The Hero. 1.
    • Row 4: Race: White. 1.
    • Row 5: Gender: Male. 3.
    • Row 6: Aesthetics: "Average." 3.
    • Row 7: Personality: A nerd who builds lego Death Stars and obsesses over the Avengers. 3.
    • Row 8: Virtues: An unabashed Geek. 3.
    • Row 9: Species: Human. 3.
    • Row 10: Occupation: Super Hero. 1.
      • Total divided by rows: 23/10 = 2.3. Peter's sticking around for a few more movies.


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