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"Oh my God... this movie exists."
Can you believe that somebody paid the equivalent of $10 U.S. to see these movies in theaters (or paid about $30 U.S. to watch them at home)? Yeah, we couldn't, either.
Somebody made these films which, to put it kindly, " didn't turn out so well".
Important Note: Merely being offensive in its subject matter is not enough to justify a work as So Bad It's Horrible. Hard as it is to imagine at times, there is a market for all types of deviancy (no matter how small a niche it is). It has to fail to appeal even to that niche to qualify as this.
Second Important Note: It is not a Horrible film just because That Guy With The Glasses, Spoony, and/or The Cinema Snob reviewed it. There needs to be independent evidence to list it. (Though once it is listed, they can provide the detailed review.)
Examples: (more-or-less in alphabetical order by film name)
- 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain. The previous 3 Ninjas films were definitely Guilty Pleasures; this one, starring Hulk Hogan as a TV hero, falls flat. It features dated Toy Story and Seinfeld references ("No stew for you!"), a family-friendly Die Hard On An X plot, and a character name ripped off from Dr. Strangelove (Lothar Zogg, played here by Jim Varney), Also featured is Loni Anderson in a leather outfit. Other flaws the film had were the plot's Fridge Logic, the Special Effects Failure, and bad acting compared to the first three films, which were decent in those cases. The film was a total flop; it grossed only $375,805.
- One day, Eddie Murphy will look back on his career and ask what the hell he was thinking when he and the producers of The Adventures of Pluto Nash decided to pull that film out of Development Hell. Bad acting, dull humor, worse special effects...yeah, this one takes the cake.
- In a Robot Chicken sketch, 40-plus studio employees killed themselves the Monday after its weekend box office numbers came in.
- Over $100M had been invested in Pluto Nash; they had to try and get some money out of it sooner or later. Then again, considering that the film made the grand total of $5m (which film prints and advertising materials alone would have gobbled up) at the box office, maybe they would have been better off leaving it on the shelf.
- That's the worst part: where the fuck did the money go!? The special effects were awful, the sets were terrifying in their alien architecture, and the script was... something... Where...the...hell did $100 million go? And how? For a movie that's just short of a Brown Note, you'd think they'd at least have had flashy, awesome CGI battles or something, anything, to justify a hundred million dollar price tag.
- Alone In The Dark. Almost every movie by Uwe Boll belongs on this list, but this is by far the one that stands out. Featuring almost nothing to do with the video game series it's based on beyond a few names and basic plot elements, the movie features an impenetrable plot, Captain Ersatz computer-generated monsters called "Xenos", Tara Reid cast as an archaeologist/museum curator, a sex scene that comes out of nowhere and which is accompanied by a song that the director apparently doesn't know is about racism, and a ten minute opening scrawl that is read aloud to the audience by Boll himself. Here's the Nostalgia Critic riffing on it
 .
- Anatomy Of Hell, by Catherine Breillat. It's 77 minutes of an incomprehensible Fauxlosophic Narration alledgedly about men's inherent fear and hatred of women and female sexuality, interspersed with some awkwardly shot unsimulated hardcore sex; which depending on who you ask is either coma-inducingly boring, unintentionally funny, and/or overtly homophobic and misandrist. Here's Ebert's review; who says that critics always look favorably on arthouse movies?
- Some creations from The Asylum, a low-end production company which is infamous for familiar-sounding Mockbusters — low-budget "remakes" of popular films with suspiciously similar titles. Apparently, the only way they can get people to watch their films is to trick them into it (that, and throw in a few moments of gratuitous nudity). They have a habit of not even sourcing the gushing quotes on the DVD cases. Examples:
- Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. From the sound of it, one would expect a hilarious sci-fi B-movie where two giant polystyrene monsters fight, taking half the world's population with them. In reality, it's just dull, dull, dull. The acting is predictably terrible; the script is weak; and the one hilariously brilliant scene (you know, the one where the shark manages to jump up to airline cruising altitude and take a bite out of a jet) is not brilliant enough to redeem it. If you're looking for something properly entertaining in this line, then go for Shark Attack 3 Megalodon.
- Transmorphers. No, not Transformers - Transmorphers. It's painfully boring; the writing is bad; but the worst things about it by far are the special effects and audio. The robots start out like something out of a Play Station (1) cutscene and only get worse as the movie goes on. There are missing sound effects, which lead to sensory-screwing scenes where things explode silently. Also, the first round of DVDs had the audio sync slowly get worse as the movie went on. Towards the end, it was off by over a second. They Just Didnt Care.
- Ax'Em (which was released theatrically under the name The Weekend It Lives) is one of the cheapest, most amateurish films ever made. Made by director Michael Mfume (the son of a former Black Panther), this could be one of the worst movies released in modern times. It looks as if it was filmed with a webcam. The sound is such that anything in front of the camera can barely be heard and anything to either side of it is impossible to hear, and thus the actors scream off screen constantly to be heard... and so the volume spikes randomly. Oh but wait, there's more! There are parts of the film, plot relevant parts, where the sound cuts out altogether. And even then, the lighting and framing are so terrible that you sometimes can't see what's happening because it's off screen — when it's not supposed to be off screen. Oh, and the lighting — what lighting? No lighting here. All of this would not necessarily be FATALLY bad, except that the plot is so stock, so poorly written, and so filled with typos (the opening info-scrawl has typos!) that it's virtually impossible to describe. The actors are possibly even worse, but it's nearly impossible to tell. The sound and lighting make it all but impossible to hear or see them, except for one woman at the beginning who seems to howl "I'm HUN-GRY" every five seconds for a solid hour and a half.
- To give you some idea of how bad this film is, it starts at a party where all the dialogue is mixed in with the crowd, so there's no way of hearing what anyone is saying. Everyone in this opening scene is also speaking in slang, which makes it worse. The film then cuts to a man walking into a house with an axe and assaulting an elderly gentlemen who is looking for his medicine; the gentleman, when confronted with the ax-wielding intruder, matter-of-factly says, "Oh, shit." Inexplicably, the film cuts to public domain footage of a step-dancing show at a university for the opening credits, interspersed with an African-American DJ busting out "yo' mama" jokes at a crowd of onlookers. If you make it that far into the film, then you won't believe what happens next. But you don't have to take ''our'' word for it.
- Baise Moi. The directors seem to think that just because they and its protagonists are women, because it contains a lot of sex and violence, and because it's French, people will automatically defend it as art. Wrong. The dialogue is amateurish; relationships are established so sloppily that you can't tell who is who, nor do you care about the characters; the sex and violence are awkwardly shot and happen with such frequency that the audience is rapidly numbed to any shock value it might initially have contained. Exactly what the film's message is supposed to be isn't clear. An unpleasant, pretentious, patchy mess.
- Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever is all about Stuff Blowing Up and nothing else, and somehow manages to screw that up. Calling it an Idiot Plot would be a disservice to idiots everywhere. It's currently rated as the worst movie on the meta-review site Rotten Tomatoes, with 107 "rotten" (negative) professional reviews, and absolutely zero "fresh" (positive) ones. When a movie is outclassed by its Game Boy Advance tie-in game, it has failed.
- The GBA adaptation came out long before the movie because it was based on an earlier, non-shit version of the script.
- Hilariously enough, the GBA game got great reviews, and Nintendo Power even referred to it as one of the best shooters available for the system.
- Another adaptation came out based on the final script (or close enough).
- Just read Roger Ebert's review of the movie. It's some of his finest work.
- The DVD of this film has no blurbs of positive reviews, meaning that there were neither positive reviews nor phrases in the reviews that could be twisted to look positive. The distributors resorted to describing one of the scenes in the movie to make it seem interesting.
- Before going to Hollywood and producing this garbage, Wych Kaosayananda produced an action movie in Thailand call Faa which also flopped badly. He only got hired since it's quite amusing to see how many explosions he can pack into a single movie with a low budget... they should realise now that explosions don't equal coolness.
- Basic Instinct 2. A leaked trailer for the film promised the level of sleazy entertainment so prevalent in the first film, with images of lurid and deviant sexual encounters. Not only did the final print not have these scenes, but it also was boring, had painful acting, and had an ending that boggled the mind.
- Oh, and you don't get to see Sharon Stone's snatch, in case you were wondering.
- Battlefield Earth. Perhaps the least Pragmatic Adaptation of a book ever, and since the book was a pulp Sci Fi Doorstopper written by the founder of the Church of Scientology, L. Ron Hubbard.... <sigh> One wonders if Scientologists use it as Cool And Unusual Punishment for its more recalcitrant members. Another movie whose reviews are better than the movie itself.
"Battlefield Earth's primary colors are blue and gray, adding to the misery. Whenever we glimpse sunlight, the screen goes all stale yellow, as though someone had urinated on the print. This, by the way, is not such a bad idea." —The Rhode Island Providence Journal
- The cut of The Brown Bunny that was shown at the 2005 Cannes Film Festival. Roger Ebert described it as the worst film he had ever seen. When the director Vincent Gallo tried a Take That by calling Ebert a "fat bastard," Ebert responded coolly, "One day, I shall be thin... but Mr. Gallo will always be the director of The Brown Bunny." Gallo later mocked Ebert's battle with colon cancer. Ebert responded by mentioning that his most recent colonoscopy was more interesting to view than The Brown Bunny. Ebert eventually watched the final cut of the film and gave it a good review, though he stood by his opinion that the Cannes cut was unwatchable. The final cut is a long, slow, solemn, and largely plotless meditation on yearning and denial, capped with a jarringly unsimulated sex scene; one can only imagine what the original cut was like.
- The 1979 film Caligula, which had among its creators Bob Guccione, the founder of Penthouse Magazine. It is quite possibly the worst treatment of the life of the infamous Roman emperor ever put to celluloid. The Wikipedia article on the movie should tell you all you need to know about it without having to go see it; in particular, it details the many, many problems that the people involved had to deal with during the making of the movie. It was so bad that writer-turned-politician Gore Vidal and director Tinto Brass have both disowned the movie. Fan Disservice is the kindest way of putting what you're in for. Roger Ebert put it best:
"It is not good art, it is not good cinema, and it is not good porn."
- Mind you, there have been at least two sequels...enjoy that nightmare, kids!
- The Cat in the Hat. A 90-minute live-action adaptation of material that was previously filmed, with padding, as a half-hour cartoon. Imagine the padding here. In addition, Mike Myers and the script combine to derail the character of the Cat in the Hat. The Cat in the book is a jerk, but in the book he comes off as naive, someone who doesn't understand the consequences of his playfulness. In the film, the added off-color humor kills any hopes of naivete; in the film, he's a creepy, insensitive
mancat-child who seems intent on ruining lives.
- You forgot to mention some of the...less than satisfactory jokes that take the movie even further from the plot than usual, used in the padding. Admittedly, they aren't all bad, though few are better than average; but the ones that are bad... are bad.
- Thanks to the film's dirty humor and mature themes (in contrast to the family-friendly work that it was based on), Audrey Geisel, the widow of Ted Geisel (aka Dr. Seuss) and the one in charge of all licensing of Seuss properties, stated that she would never approve another live-action adaptation of any of Dr. Seuss's works. Any future adaptations will be animated or CGI, hence the CG Horton Hears a Who movie, which was moderately successful.
- Christmas With The Kranks. Probably the worst part of that film is how the main characters are flat out terrorized by their fascist neighbors who don't like that they are not blowing thousands of dollars on Christmas like they did every other year. You can tell the whole town's priorities are truly screwed up when the couple ends up on the front page for planning on going on a cruise during the holidays. God forbid anyone do that. And then the movie has the gall to side with the neighbors at the end.
- Club Paradise, starring your friend and ours, Robin Williams. With a title like that, you'd think it would be a typical mid-eighties R/NC-17 romp with hot half-naked jiggly girls and plenty of sexual hijinks. But if it had, then that would have given it a redeeming quality, so no. Instead, it's a PG-13 "comedy" (if this passes for comedy) with a plot that involves its protagonists opening a club that is advertised to be something much better and sexier than it is. (What a time for life to imitate art...) And if you think Robin is hairy, then you have not suffered through shirtless Rick Moranis and Eugene Levy.
- Daddy Day Camp. This sequel to Daddy Day Care replaces all of the cast, including Eddie Murphy, whose role was taken over by Cuba Gooding Jr. It relies too much on Toilet Humor and stale, humorless gags. It got a Razzie for "Worst Prequel or Sequel", and Richard Roeper said that he had a finger he could use to review this movie.
- This movie is frequently referred to in Mike Nelson's Rifftrax commentaries when compared to horrifying experiences.
- Dark Ride is a generic slasher movie with a disturbingly small amount of slashing. The plot is bland from the start; almost every single character being a cliche; and the part after the "twist" at the end is utterly incomprehensible. ("Twist" is in quotation marks because if you are Genre Aware at all, then you'll figure out a good chunk of it by the halfway point.) Oh, and 85% of this movie is devoted to cheap scares.
- Daniel: Der Zauberer. As if Uwe Boll wasn't proof enough that Germany can produce horrible films just as well as the U.S. can, this was made as a starring vehicle for a guy that finished 5th in the German version of American Idol. The minimal budget, incomprehensible plot (which features the protagonist's dead grandfather running around for no adequately explained reason), and performance from a lead actor voted "Germany's Most Annoying Man" two years in a row combined to make this a truly horrifying experience.
- How horrifying? You know that IMDB Bottom 100 list that you've seen on this page? Guess which film is at the number one spot?
- The film can't even boast an accurate title. "Der Zauberer" ("The Wizard") is the dead grandfather, not Daniel.
- Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo. It's a sequel to a film that was simply bad. One of the jokes involves a woman with a penis for a nose who ejaculates when she sneezes. That should tell you everything you need to know... Its star, Rob Schneider, has taken a leaf from Uwe Boll and thinks the film is brilliant, viciously attacking anyone who dares criticize it. One such person was Patrick Goldstein of the Los Angeles Times. Schneider wrote a letter to him in which he said that Patrick hadn't won the Pulitzer Prize and therefore wasn't qualified to criticize the film. Roger Ebert, who had called the film "aggressively bad, as if it wants to cause suffering to the audience" then mentioned that he had won the Pulitzer Prize and therefore was qualified to criticize it, and to that end, stated simply:
"Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks."
- The Devil of Blue Mountain. A "horror" film with zero scare value. What little plot there is relies on the two main characters being ten times as moronic as the (non-villain) protagonists of most horror films. Approximately an hour of the film is nothing but silent footage of the characters walking through the woods. The film's main selling point was that it was shot during Hurricane Ivan; but the hurricane weather is only seen in the first four minutes of the film and serves little purpose but to drown out the dialogue. Oh, and the 'Devil' of the title, supposedly the point of the film, was a guy in an obvious fursuit who shows up in the last ten minutes of the film and then does nothing but run around, roar a bit, and get shot. Something Awful, as always, says it best here.
- Dirty Love, starring ex-Playboy Playmate Jenny McCarthy. A gross-out comedy with a female viewpoint may be unusual (though not unprecedented); but the novelty of the movie's premise quickly foundered under a bad script (by McCarthy herself), bad acting, and wretched cinematography. McCarthy's tasteless turns such as dancing topless with her breasts covered in vomit and carpeting a store with her menstrual blood made the movie seem outright misogynistic. Carmen Electra played her Black Best Friend as an Ethnic Scrappy.
- Disaster Movie by Hollywood's favorite Snark Bait, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. While their other movies are widely hated, they were still inexplicably successful (most likely amongst kids). Not so with Disaster Movie. Like their other films, it displays both a total lack of awareness of the distinction between referencing something and parodying it and a lack of research beyond watching the previews. The rest consists of long running gags that were never funny to begin with and Refuge In Vulgarity. What makes Disaster Movie special is that it goes Beyond The Impossible on all of this, managing to be more aggressively unfunny, more pandering, more vapid, and even cheaper looking than their films before it. The film shot up (down?) to the number one spot on the IMDb worst film list in less than a day and bombed in theaters.
- Dracula 3000. What stands out is all the ways it could have been So Bad Its Good:
- The Intro speech mentions Energy Weapons; not one is present in the movie.
- The rampant use of familiar names can lead one to believe it's Bram Stoker's Dracula In Space; it isn't. The vampire isn't even Dracula; his name is Orlock. (And yes, that is a Mythology Gag attempting to use the vampire from Nosferatu).
- The room full of coffins can fool you into thinking that the protagonists are going to face down a vampire army like that in From Dusk Till Dawn; there are at most three vampires in the whole movie.
- You might be expecting space vampires to be some kind of grotesque alien evil; instead you'll find a silly old man in a vampire costume that was probably bought at Wal-Mart and looks it◊.
- You might expect a decent final showdown; instead, the protagonists slam a door shut on Orlock's arm, cutting it off, and he breaks down crying and screaming like a bitch.
- You will be expecting a sex-scene after the last human carries the sex-droid towards the bedroom; instead, the ship explodes from getting too close to the sun in order to kill Orlock.
- Stephen King's Dreamcatcher is jaw-droppingly, made-for-TV bad despite involving the talents of Lawrence Kasden and William Goldman. We're talking magical retards and aliens that gestate in your bowels, make you fart, AND CRAWL OUT OF YOUR ASS. Your ASS. Then there's some incomprehensible alien plot involving psychics, 1930s-comicbook green men, evil red mist, weird rashes on animals, worms in the water supply, and Mr. Gray, an alien with a Bond villain's upper-crust accent.
"Jesus-Christ-bananas, some fuck-a-row this is turning into."
- Exit to Eden. Will the producers of this please offer an explanation for why they thought a film adaptation of a book about a BDSM resort needed a cliche-ridden buddy cop comedy subplot involving stolen diamonds (which was not in the book)? Oh, and did we mention it features Rosie O'Donnell as a dominatrix? Ick...
- Yes, but it also included Dana DeLany as a dominatrix.
- Unfortunately, this wasn't the Dana of China Beach, or even the Dana of Desperate Housewives. This was a Dana who had inexplicably let herself go and didn't make much effort to get in shape for the role; and whose screen time was split between phoning-it-in, and Narm. She didn't look bad; but she was clearly not at her best.
- Freddy Got Fingered, written, directed by, and starring Tom Green. If the title didn't tell you all you needed to know about it, then the movie features Green masturbating a horse, masturbating an elephant, skinning a dead deer and prancing around in its carcass, licking the open wound of his character's friend, shoving his hand up a pregnant woman's vagina to rip the baby out and then swinging it around his head by its umbilical cord, and falsely accusing his character's father of sexually molesting his character's younger brother — all of which we are apparently supposed to laugh at. Roger Ebert infamously said in his review of this film:
"This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence as barrels. The day may come when "Freddy Got Fingered" is seen as a milestone of neo-surrealism. The day may never come when it is seen as funny."
- From Justin to Kelly. This movie features Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini, the winner and runner-up of the first season of American Idol. Texan singing waitress Kelly Taylor meets Pennsylvania college student Justin Bell; they fall in love and spend the rest of the movie being annoying. And lest we forget, there are musical numbers in this fiasco. The songs are instantly forgettable. On IMDB, the film is currently rated as the twenty-fourth worst movie ever made; even lower on the list than Daddy Day Camp.
- Fun Fact: It won the Golden Raspberry Award in 2005 for "Worst 'Musical' of Our First 25 Years."
- Gamera: Super Monster (released in 1980). Whether you love the Showa series warts and all or think Gamera is hard to take even with the aid of Joel, Mike and the Bots, you will be astounded by how bad this film is. The enemy ship is a blatant Star Wars Destroyer rip-off. The three-girl alien hero team sits and plays a magical music organ with a kid more annoying than all other DaiKaiju kids combined. In the end, Gamera sacrifices himself to blow up the enemy ship after re-fighting all his foes in footage from prior films which was not even edited and did not have the Godzilla's Revenge excuse of taking place in a dream. When Gamera dies, you feel good for him even though the sequence is lame because he is out of the picture!
- The Garbage Pail Kids Movie. Based on a brand of trading cards and stickers (always a source for fine cinema), the film features cheaply made and scary looking puppets (what's with the mouths on these kids?), a running gag of a zit-covered geek wetting his pants, a romance between someone who looks twelve and someone who looks in their twenties, and a climax where everyone farts and vomits.
- And there's a government agency that kidnaps ugly people and kills them. This aspect, the "State Home for the Ugly," is perhaps the biggest plot hole, as it opens up about a dozen questions that the story never attempts to answer. Who set it up? Why? Why did they have Gandhi, Abraham Lincoln, and Santa Claus there? Why did no one protest a foreign religious/civil rights leader, a former president, and a personification of the Christmas spirit being captured, imprisoned, and set up for execution?
- The signs on the cells say that Gandhi is "too bald", Lincoln is "too beardy," and Santa is "too fat". Why no one protests is still up in the air.
- The Garbage Pail Kids who were supposedly captured before the events of the film never make an appearance. No one seems to find the implied deaths disturbing. Of course, given what the ones we do meet are like, it's understandable.
- The "heroes" want to catch the Garbage Pail Kids to put them back in their pail, a tiny little pail; but they were heartbroken to hear that they'd be imprisoned in the State Home for the Ugly. The Obi Wan says that they're equivalents to the horrors unleashed by Pandora's Box, and yet he wishes to save them from the State Home for the Ugly. Why? And the "plot" only goes '''downhill''' from there.
- The movie is so bad that Doug Walker himself, during the 2009 donation drive, was asked what the worst movie he ever reviewed was. This movie had the honor of being his answer.
- Ghosts Of Mars. A sci-fi/horror/action film set on Mars starring Natasha Henstridge, Jason Statham, Pam Grier and Ice Cube against a horde of Mad Max-esque punk sadomasochist savages; directed by John Carpenter. And you thought Dracula 3000 sounded like it would be So Bad Its Good. The film features a lazy and cliched plot, sets and special effects that look as if they could have come from a made-for-Sy Fy movie, the actors struggling to act Badass, and bland action sequences consisting of them running and jumping around shooting and kicking the savages while they pretend to snarl, all accompanied by a forgettable rock soundtrack.
- Godzilla's Revenge is considered by fans to be the worst Godzilla film within the original Japanese franchise. The sad thing? Ishiro Honda directed it. That's right, the director of what are considered the best Godzilla films (that is, Gojira, Godzilla VS Mothra, King Kong VS Godzilla, and Destroy All Monsters) also directed the WORST Japanese Godzilla film ever made. The film is panned for its insanely childish storyline, for Minya sounding like a drunken Goofy, and for 90% of the film being poorly-edited stock footage.
- Godzilla VS Megalon is also panned for its over-use of stock footage, poor effects, and overly-cheesy plot. Originally planned as a solo debut for Jet Jaguar, the producers realized belatedly that the character was guaranteed to bomb and stapled Godzilla onto it. (It proved futile - the creators of Ultraman noticed a very close resemblance, and Jet Jaguar's film career was cut short.) The only way to make the film tolerable is to watch the MST 3 K version.
- Hobgoblins was a very '80s "horror" movie about hobgoblins who lived in a vault at an old film studio. It is said that they got people killed by causing hallucinations of their greatest fantasies, but the people would die. But only one person dies. The film features these things: gratuitous sex, a fight scene involving rakes and little Casio noises, terrible puppetry, hair, makeup, and clothing that were hideous even by '80s standards, and unfunny jokes that mostly revolve around Daphne's promiscuity. It was so bad that the director offered it to Mystery Science Theater 3000. And even the MST 3 K version is painful to watch despite its containing some of the show's best riffs.
- As of 2009, there is a sequel, which is equally bad. This sequel was supposed to be released in 1990, and it shows. The special effects are even worse, neither the clothes nor the puppets have changed, and Daphne is still a slut. The whole thing can be summed up with a bonus feature found on the DVD titled "Hobgoblins 2: What Were They Thinking?" in which the actors from the first film wonder why anyone would want to reprise their old roles or want anything to do with this monstrosity.
- The Hottie and the Nottie. The trajectory that this shameful attempt at filmmaking follows is evident from the moment the protagonist falls for the "nottie" — after she gets plastic surgery. As of April 2008, the film is ranked as the thirteenth worst movie of all time in IMDB's Bottom 100 list—it scored 1.6 points out of a possible 10.
- Check out this Ebert and Roeper review for more ruthless bashing of a shameless piece of crap - [1]
- The Howling: New Moon Rising had little werewolf activity. The only werewolf seen is an actress with a laughably obvious Halloween mask. The rest of the film consisted of bar conversations between director/screenwriter/actor Clive Turner (who cameoed in two previous Howling films and is apparently the same character(s) here to tie up the loose ends in a silly fashion) and the real-life residents of a small town originally built as a backdrop for Westerns. In the end, the film ends up being about 40% country music, 30% exposition, 20% dick and fart jokes, and 10% werewolf-related stuff.
- Following the success of Wayne's World, the producers of Saturday Night Live greenlit an interminable series of sketch-based movies of questionable quality. It's Pat stood out as particularly terrible. It, like the skits it was based on, consists primarily of scenes in which the revelation of Pat's gender is set up and then avoided, with a few scenes of Pat just being irritating to pad the movie to feature-length. It grossed only $60,822, among the lowest totals of any major-studio release.
- The worst part about It's Pat (spoilers ahead — you're welcome) is that they never reveal what Pat's gender is! Never. They never tell you, nor do they even hint at it, thereby negating the single purpose for a movie based on a skit whose only purpose is to raise speculation about the character's gender! Without that, it's just a feature-film version of the skit (which wasn't funny in its short forms). Think of it this way: imagine a locked-room murder mystery where neither the killer nor the method of murder is ever revealed, and the story just...stops in its tracks at some undefined point after about the sixty minute mark. If Monster A Go-Go is a dadaist anti-movie, It's Pat is the cinematic equivalent of nihilism.
- Jaws: The Revenge takes Sequelitis to unfathomable levels. It doesn't so much have plot holes as it has plot canyons and is over-the-top ridiculous in its execution. This is the premise - to quote Arnold Furious:
"The plot is that the shark (yanno, the one that Chief Brody killed in Jaws) now has a hatred of the Brody family and wants to kill them all as revenge for Brody's actions in Jaws. Yanno, the shark that's dead. That shark. That shark that's dead, wants revenge."
- The shark ROARS. And in the end, it is deflated by a boat.
- Astoundingly, the Novelization is a decent book. Writer Hank Searls must have realized how ridiculous much of the movie was; he tweaked the shark's death so it was more realistic (though almost anything would've been) and added an interesting subplot about drug trafficking.
- To those who defend the film, let the late great Richard Jeni put you in your place:
"If you have any doubt that you are wasting your life, spend a night with one sweat sock and a bag of shitty popcorn watching Jaws 4: The Revenge. You know what the title should have been? Here's a Fish, You're a Moron."
- How about Jaws 5: Cruel Jaws? It rips off half the dialogue of Jaws. The Shark here is called a tiger shark, but the Stock Footage is all of a Great White. And you never see the shark eat any of the cast!
- That movie isn't an official sequel, though. It was an exploitation flick.
- Bill Cosby wrote, produced, directed and starred in Leonard Part 6. During a television interview prior to its release, he asked people to stay away from it. The video box cover, showing Bill Cosby riding an ostrich, may well be the best thing about the movie.
- The 1965 film Monster A Go Go. Its original Director, Bill Rebane, ran out of money while making the film and abandoned it half-finished in 1961. Four years later, Herschell Gordon Lewis was looking for a B-movie to release with Moonshine Mountain; he found this movie, shot new footage of sitting around and talking, and released it. This led to an awkward movie filled with replacement actors and Take Our Word For It moments and one of the strangest twist endings ever. The heroes are hunting for some vague spaceman monster thing in some subway tunnels, and then this:
- So, there was no monster after all. False alarm, sorry to make you sit through the movie, have a nice day. Please stop asking what happened to all the people the monster killed, there was no monster!
- It's like a dadaist anti-movie. Except instead of making us question or conceptions about beauty and what makes a good movie, it sucks.
- A lot of fans of Mystery Science Theater 3000 agree that, even with the riffing, the episode featuring this movie is hard to sit through.
- What is funny and sad is, even if you saw the monster more often, the film would probably still suck. The "monster" is a taller-than-average man with an acne problem.
- The Neverending Story III. It has practically nothing to do with the plot of the book the first two movies were adapted from and breaks a number of rules set in that book. It has series continuity errors with earlier installments of the film series. And it has tons of Plot Holes. What the heck did they do to the poor Empress, who was supposed to be childlike and innocent? Falkor, in the first two movies, was one part The Obi Wan and one part flying transportation; in the third, he's got a IQ lower than your average dog. To top it all, they removed Atreyu, who was one of the central characters of the story.
- North is considered to be Rob Reiner's worst movie, hopefully ever. A child prodigy feels that he's unappreciated by his parents and decides to go look for new ones around the globe. Unfortunate Implications are abound with the movie stereotyping Texans, Hawaiians, Eskimos, the Amish, Africans, the Chinese, and the French. The jokes that don't involve terrible stereotypes are not funny in the slightest. The moral is sadly broken where North is supposed to accept their parents despite their flaws. The movie received a very scathing review from Roger Ebert (receiving zero stars) and bombed at the box office with only $7 million compared to its $40 million budget.
- Nukie was intended as a children's movie, but what sort of sick monster would show it to a child?! This review offers a summary of the film's failures:
Talking animals with no explanation, poor acting, twins characters that the filmmakers couldn't keep track of, poor science, scenes that add nothing to the rest of the movie, poor writing, comedy that isn't funny, poor special effects, annoying repetitious use of documentary technique for scene transitions, and alien protagonists that unintentionally resemble giant pieces of fecal matter.
- The Omega Code, a film about the End Times. Casper Van Dien, Michael York, and Michael Ironside become involved in a plot where a code is found in the Bible that allows the UN to be replaced with a Nazi-esque One World Government that nobody seems to object to. It brings about the end of the world, but only after Michael York (the Anti Christ) becomes stronger because he was shot in the head and Casper Van Dien is chased by a demon truck. The effects and sets look like something out of a Twilight Zone episode.
- Ready To Rumble, a 2000 film starring David Arquette and heavily featuring World Championship Wrestling in both name and talent. Putting aside that this film indirectly led to one of the most disastrous booking decisions in the history of professional wrestling (which you can read about in all its glory here), contemplate this: this is a wrestling movie that portrays wrestling fans - its primary demographic - as Epsilon-Minus Semi-Morons who blindly believe that wrestling is real and have a penchant for (literally) sticking fingers up their own asses. And this was a film that a real professional wrestling organisation saw fit to attach their name to.
- You've gotta love how the protagonists violently attack anyone who points out that wrestling is fake. "Did that feel fake?" No, it felt like an assault charge, dipshits.
- Santa And The Ice Cream Bunny was a 1972 children's film that would probably be unknown if it weren't for The Agony Booth. The "plot" is that, apparently, Santa Claus's sleigh is stuck on a beach somewhere and just about nothing happens until the very end, when he is rescued by The Ice Cream Bunny, who is a guy in a rabbit suit. Ice cream never appears anywhere in the movie.
- Most of the film is taken up by a hideously poor adaptation of Thumbelina; Santa and that damn bunny are just a mind-numbing framing device to kill time. The opening frame consists of a sweaty Santa having children bring all manner of local farm animals in attempts to roust his sleigh out of a half-inch of sand. The finale is mostly the Ice Cream Bunny driving slowly while children sing without a soundtrack.
- The kicker: the director of this movie was the real life inspiration for the Steve McQueen character in The Great Escape. He escaped to do this?
- Santa with Muscles is a horrible Hulk Hogan movie that make other Hulk Hogan movies seem enjoyable. The plot revolves around Blake Throne, played by Hulk Hogan, a fitness guru who sells health products under his name. He makes a paintball game for his employees after rejecting to give a charitable donation. Their speeding and all-round roughhousing catches the attention of the local authorities. Hulk escapes into a mall, changes into a Santa outfit, hides in the trash, and gets whacked on the head. The mall elf convinces Blake that he's actually the real Santa Claus. The rest goes even more downhill from there. Expect the Idiot Ball to be passed around a lot as people as viewers gawk in disbelief at adults actually believing a bodybuilder is Santa, a mad scientist group with a germaphobic leader, the Mooks easily getting dispatched by children, police officers armed with rocket launchers, and much more. What may be the most confusing part is how it has almost nothing to do with the Christmas besides Santa. It's a cheesy action flick. This is considered IMBD's top 100 worst movies of all time and barely got any recognition when it hit theaters.
- The Seeker, the film adaptation of The Dark Is Rising. Take one brilliant series chock-full of Arthurian and Celtic mythology. Carefully remove all signs of anything interesting in the characters, keep the work in Britain but make the Arthur-analogue American, change a perfectly reasonable Gotta Catch Em All situation with some magical Signs to have a cheesy "You are the sixth Sign" ending, cut out the most awesome scene in the book (the bit with the candles, to anyone who's read it), release it, and watch your money disappear.
- Sex Lives of the Potato Men: British "comedy" that's Exactly What It Says On The Tin - about the sex lives of a group of potato delivery men in Birmingham. Throw in a terrible director, a script utterly devoid of taste or humour, appallingly awful performances from the two leading actors (Mackenzie Crook and Johnny Vegas) who were both made to look as grotesque as possible just for the Squick factor of them trying to have sex, and a supporting cast with Brummie accents so thick you can't make out a word of what they're saying. The result? A movie described by critic Christopher Tookey as "enough to put you off sex, and films, for life" and in national newspaper The Times as "one of the two most nauseous films ever made." The producers even admitted it in the tagline of the movie: "The search for the lowest form of life on the planet is over." To cap it all, the film was widely criticised for the fact that one-third of its £3 million budget was public money from the National Lottery, granted by the UK Film Council.
- Street Fighter The Legend Of Chun Li: In Name Only at its absolute worst, combined with horrible casting (Lana Lang as Chun-Li?), a script that's practically made of Fridge Logic, stunningly bad fight scenes - seriously, any random Power Rangers episode had better fight choreography - and a completely nonthreatening Smug Snake of a villan in Neal McDonough's Bison (who seemed to be channeling equal parts Hannibal Lecter, Lex Luthor, and Sho' Nuff). The Raul Julia/Jean-Claude Van Damme version of Street Fighter doesn't look nearly so bad in comparison.
- For the curious, the other Street Fighter movie isn't formally listed on this page because — thanks in large part to the Julia/Van Damme combination delivering so much Narm (and cheese) — it finds itself pushed well into "So Bad It's Hilarious" territory.
- Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2. Both Baby Geniuses movies are pretty much sustained fart and poop jokes done with horribly grating voices and with grotesque-looking CGI work to make babies seem like they are talking. The only way those films could look worse is if they used wires to flap the babies' jaws open and shut. The original Baby Geniuses was very bad, but it still has fans. "Superbabies", however, is far worse and has far fewer defenders. A Malaysian bootleg of Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 has an ad blurb stolen from FilmCritic.com savaging the movie because there was not even a fake positive blurb to slap on the back cover... The sad part of all this is that a third film is in production. Crystal Dragon Jesus help us all.
- And this was the last thing Bob Clark, of A Christmas Story fame, directed! What a way to go!
- They Saved Hitler's Brain takes B-movie badness to previously uncharted regions. The bulk of the film is confusing exposition about Hitler's brain, which doesn't appear until near the end. Not even the car chase that switches from night to day is enough to keep you entertained. The money ran out after half this film was shot; it was set aside for ten years until another director acquired it and filmed enough completely unconnected footage to pad the movie to feature length. And for some reason, it didn't occur to him to add more scenes with Hitler's brain, which is the only part of the movie that isn't painfully boring.
- Monkeybone, at a glance, looks like a silly, Beetlejuice-esqe good-time film. Instead, we get a film that opens up to a badly-animated cartoon about a schoolkid getting an erection in class, a near-to-totally unlikeable cast (especially the titular Monkeybone), tons of bad and tasteless jokes regarding masturbation and breasts, disturbing puppetry, nonsensical plots (why was Stephen King and Attila the Hun in the same jail cell?), and an ending that failed to resolve several major plot points. Overall it's like a film that tried to be Beetlejuice but failed.
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