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Quotes: Sophisticated as Hell
“What I'm saying might be profane, but it's also profound.”

"They require that when a personage talks like an illustrated, gilt-edged, tree-calf, hand-tooled, seven-dollar Friendship's Offering in the beginning of a paragraph, he shall not talk like a negro minstrel in the end of it. But this rule is flung down and danced upon in the Deerslayer tale."

"Yes, well, legibility and correct punctuation might not be "street"... but that's how I roll, motherfucker."
The rut

"Australia recommends the use of the term 'fuckwit' in place of the neologism 'fucktard' — 'fuckwit' has a longer heritage and is more conceptually coherent, while retaining the phonetic vigour of 'fucktard'."
— This very wiki, over at G'Day Mate.

"Hitler was a mass-murdering fuckhead, as many important historians have said."

"Every time I post in this thread I spend literally 15 minutes surfing Thesaurus.com just looking for big words to set off contrast for 'fuck'."
Axeface

(the tent door unzips and James appears headfirst in the gap; he begins reciting to the camera)
Dreaming when dawn's left hand was in the sky
I heard a voice within the tavern cry,
"Awake, my little ones, and fill the cup
Before life's liquor in its cup be dry."
(beat) Now, fuck off.
James May, Oz and James's Big Wine Adventure

"While Hitler's plan was not in itself a bad one, Russia is what advanced military strategists term as 'very very big'."
An Utterly Impartial History of Britain, or Two Thousand Years of Upper-class Idiots in Charge on the subject of Hitler's invasion of Russia

"Well, Mr McBumfurtey, I've given you every possible examination, I've thumbed through every one of these copious volumes, and given you an electrocardiograph test. I've come to the conclusion that, in the words of the great Hippocrates himself, your heart's fucked."
Billy Connolly, Was It Something I Said?

Woman: The Cabernet is piquant as shit this year.
xkcd

"'Fucking ineffable' sounds like someone remembering how to do self-censorship halfway through a phrase."
xkcd again (Alt Text of the same comic)

"In my day, we would say that revenge is sweet. But times have changed. How do you say? Payback is a bitch."
Liver Spots, The Dresden Files, Dead Beat

"He had the worst feeling that his body was going to betray him again. "Hey, you're preggers with an assbaby. I think your body just pulled a Brutus on you and is busily stabbing you in the back during the Ides of March."
Malganis, sporking The Hidden Child

"In technical terminology... he's a loon."
Dr. Silberman, The Terminator

"Who-wha? But that's dumb! Nobody wants you to be me! I'm already me! And you're you! An' it's like totally mete that you should remain you! I pinky-swear that everybody here'd treat the integrity of your self-identity as superdy-duper, profoundly inviolable and stuff and junk! Word!! Do you savvy?"

"Thou dost find a fuckton of spears!"
Spoony, on how Ultima VI should have been coded, instead of "You find a spear, a spear, a spear, a spear, a spear...

Overwhelmed as one would be
Placed in my position
Such a heavy burden now to be the one
Born to bear and bring to all
The details of our ending
To write it down for all the world to see.
But I forgot my pen,
Shit the bed again
Typical.
Tool, "Rosetta Stoned"

"I believe the proper phrase here is, 'you fail.'"
Miles Edgeworth, Ace Attorney Investigations

"Stephen Colbert, President of [Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow], has asked that I quote him as saying, 'Yeah! How you like me now, F.E.C? I'm rolling seven digits deep! I got 99 problems but a non-connected independent-expenditure only committee ain't one!' I would like it noted for the record that I advised Mr. Colbert against including that quote."
Shauna Pol on Stephen Colbert's Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow Super PAC

"I may be in error, but I believe the appropriate proclamation is 'Sneak Attack, bitch'."

"It's totally Kafkaesque, yo."
Jesse Pinkman, Breaking Bad

"This is my private domicile and I will not be harassed!… Bitch!"
Jesse Pinkman, Breaking Bad

"Give her the dick."
Rene Descartes, Memetic Mutation

"Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks."
Roger Ebert, reviewing Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo

I'm gonna eviscerate you and use your gastrointestinal tract as a condom while I fornicate with your skull!
Son Gohan, Dragon Ball Abridged

"Ladies, gents, it's been a pleasure. Also, go fuck your respective selves."

"...and the destruction of their most sanctified of cities left them unfathomably butthurt..."
John Morke, talking about Exalted in a Kickstarter video

"Let me be emphatic: You need to take your black ass across Charles Street where it belongs."
Brother Mouzone, The Wire

The fucker will rue the day!
Withnail threatens what's either a rat or the mutant aberration of a teabag left too long in the sink, Withnail and I

Shifu said a brief prayer to Oogway, steeled his heart, and prepared to kick some ass.

Narrator: So, how did it go?
Narrator: That's impossible. A mixture of ingredients do not own the proper attributes to be mentally impaired. Dumb ass.

<Kev M> quit the farcical shenanigans you duncical misrepresentation of a homo sapien
<andycode> I find your misanthropic antics most ironic in their malevolent disposition.
<andycode> Moreover, the mere implications of your pathetic facade is illigitimate in its duplicitious atrocity.
<Kev M> your virulent discourse is quite misguided in it's underhanded attempts to slight me
<Khross> And you're fat.

The legend of Spyro the Dragon is a long and complicated one, told and untold as the lore passed from game company to game company...
— Blurb of Legacy, a Spyro the Dragon fic

Rose: John, I think it would be most beneficial if all of our words were concise and to the point.
Dave: In other words, some of us fucked up. Some of us done fucked up good.

"In Japan they have an ancient saying: 'The most beautiful flowers grow only in the shit of Godzilla.'"

Commander Shepard: Sorry. If you were human, you'd both be called the mother, regardless of which gave birth.
Matriarch Aethyta: Well I'm not human, am I? Anthropocentric bag of dicks.
Mass Effect 3: Shepard speaks to Liara's "father"

Teacher: Okay, this line means ‘you are like the finest silk and spices.’ How would you interpret that, as teenagers?
Student: The booty is real.
Not Always Learning note 


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