Quotes: Sophisticated as Hell

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    Anime and Manga 

Fuck, these are some fine cigars! Like, all bourgeois and shit.
Jan Valentine, Hellsing

    Film — Animated 

I'm especially good at expectorating! (hack ptooey!)

    Film — Live-action 

The fucker will RUE THE DAY!!
Withnail threatens what's either a rat or the mutant aberration of a teabag left too long in the sink, Withnail & I

The usage of the language and the vernacular that may have me use, I don't believe that these should be parameter on why you can't use that archetypal four-letter Anglo-Saxoneese term (whatever it may be), because I believe they're appropriate. When you take a 32'' framing hammer and you miss the nail and you hit your thumb, you don't say "Jimminy Crickets". Nor do you say "Golly Whompers".
Jack Rebney, Winnebago Man

Executive: He gets all that money. Pays his family back by bein' a stinkin' drunk. It's enough to make ya sick.
Hobson: I really wouldn't know, sir. I'm just a servant.
Executive: (understanding) Yeah.
Hobson: On the other hand, go screw yourself.
Arthur (1981)

If the ionization rate is constant for all ectoplasmic entities, we could really bust some heads! (beat) In a spiritual sense, of course.
Ray, Ghostbusters

In technical terminology... he's a loon.
Dr. Silberman, The Terminator


The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other, milk.

They require that when a personage talks like an illustrated, gilt-edged, tree-calf, hand-tooled, seven-dollar Friendship's Offering in the beginning of a paragraph, he shall not talk like a negro minstrel in the end of it. But this rule is flung down and danced upon in the Deerslayer tale.

    Live-action tv 

Dreaming when dawn's left hand was in the sky
I heard a voice within the tavern cry,
"Awake, my little ones, and fill the cup
Before life's liquor in its cup be dry
(beat) Now, fuck off.
James May, Oz And James's Big Wine Adventure

In my day, we would say that revenge is sweet. But times have changed. How do you say? Payback is a bitch.
Liver Spots, The Dresden Files ("Dead Beat")

It's totally Kafkaesque, yo.
Jesse Pinkman, Breaking Bad

Doctor: Genius. He's a genius. The genius. The most human human there's ever been. Now — we're gonna hear him speak! Always, he chooses the best words. New, beautiful, brilliant words.
William Shakespeare: Ah, SHUT YOUR BIG FAT MOUTHS!
Doctor: ...Oh, well.
Martha: You should never meet your heroes.
Doctor Who, "The Shakespeare Code"

Brother Mouzone: Let me be emphatic: You need to take your black ass across Charles Street where it belongs.
The Wire, "Storm Warnings"

Tom Haverford: The Word 'Bistro' is classy as shit!
—''Parks and Recreation, "Woman of the Year."


I am the ultimate Svengali
These bitches can't even spell that
—"Roman Holiday", Nicki Minaj

Overwhelmed as one would be
Placed in my position
Such a heavy burden now to be the one
Born to bear and bring to all
The details of our ending
To write it down for all the world to see.
But I forgot my pen,
Shit the bed again
— "Rosetta Stoned", Tool

    Stand-up comedy 

What I'm saying might be profane, but it's also profound.

God. What the fuck am I doing here?
Robin Williams, Live at the Met

You ever notice how when Ron Jeremy is masturbating he holds his pinky finger out? It's cause he's classy.

Hitler was a mass-murdering fuckhead, as many important historians have said.

Well, Mr McBumfurtey, I've given you every possible examination, I've thumbed through every one of these copious volumes, and given you an electrocardiograph test. I've come to the conclusion that, in the words of the great Hippocrates himself, your heart's fucked.
Billy Connolly, Was It Something I Said?

Stephen Colbert, President of [Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow], has asked that I quote him as saying, 'Yeah! How you like me now, F.E.C? I'm rolling seven digits deep! I got 99 problems but a non-connected independent-expenditure only committee ain't one!' I would like it noted for the record that I advised Mr. Colbert against including that quote.
Shauna Pol on Stephen Colbert's Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow Super PAC

    Video Games 

I believe the proper phrase here is, 'you fail.'
Miles Edgeworth, Ace Attorney Investigations

Commander Shepard: Sorry. If you were human, you'd both be called the mother, regardless of which gave birth.
Matriarch Aethyta: Well I'm not human, am I? Anthropocentric bag of dicks.
Mass Effect 3: Shepard speaks to Liara's "father"


Woman: The Cabernet is piquant as shit this year.

'Fucking ineffable' sounds like someone remembering how to do self-censorship halfway through a phrase.
xkcd again (Alt Text of the same comic)

I may be in error, but I believe the appropriate proclamation is 'Sneak Attack, bitch'.

Who-wha? But that's dumb! Nobody wants you to be me! I'm already me! And you're you! An' it's like totally mete that you should remain you! I pinky-swear that everybody here'd treat the integrity of your self-identity as superdy-duper, profoundly inviolable and stuff and junk! Word!! Do you savvy?

Rose: John, I think it would be most beneficial if all of our words were concise and to the point.
Dave: In other words, some of us fucked up. Some of us done fucked up good.

Ladies, gents, it's been a pleasure. Also, go fuck your respective selves.

    Web Original 

Give her the dick.
Rene Descartes, Memetic Mutation

I loved everything about it, especially the opening sequence, with a chauffeur taking your hand and driving you through New York to the Met Opera as Mozart plays in the foreground. It really let you know you were in for a classy night of filth.
Drew Magary on Robin Williams: A Night at the Met

Besides Drew Barrymore and Debi Mazar who were extremely hot as Sugar and Spice, Batman Forever was a neon turd and apparently it was a huge, messy shit show behind-the-scenes too...Jim Carrey said that yeah, the rumors are true, and then he told a story that should make all of us wish we will get into a fight with TLJ just once. Because he will spew out some poetic hate that will make your soul blossom.
Michael K., "I Cannot Sanction Your Buffoonery"

He had the worst feeling that his body was going to betray him again. "Hey, you're preggers with an assbaby. I think your body just pulled a Brutus on you and is busily stabbing you in the back during the Ides of March.
Malganis, sporking The Hidden Child

...and the destruction of their most sanctified of cities left them unfathomably butthurt...
John Morke, talking about Exalted in a Kickstarter video

Let me be emphatic: You need to take your black ass across Charles Street where it belongs.
Brother Mouzone, The Wire

<Kev M> quit the farcical shenanigans you duncical misrepresentation of a homo sapien
<andycode> I find your misanthropic antics most ironic in their malevolent disposition.
<andycode> Moreover, the mere implications of your pathetic facade is illigitimate in its duplicitious atrocity.
<Kev M> your virulent discourse is quite misguided in it's underhanded attempts to slight me
<Khross> And you're fat.

In Japan they have an ancient saying: 'The most beautiful flowers grow only in the shit of Godzilla.'

Teacher: Okay, this line means ‘you are like the finest silk and spices.’ How would you interpret that, as teenagers?
Student: The booty is real.
Not Always Learning note 

"Very well," I said, eager to undertake the orders of the Most High. "Shall I appear to the humans as a diaphanous being of pure light a hundred miles tall? Or shall I form myself as an everchanging flock of white birds, stretched across all the skies of the world and communicating my purpose in a series of flock-formed images that will live eternally in the hearts of man for its impossible beauty, which is itself a testament to the eternal power and love of the Lord?"
"We were thinking email, actually," suggested Sandalphon. "And don't sign your name or anything."

    Web Video 

Thou dost find a fuckton of spears!

I'm gonna eviscerate you and use your gastrointestinal tract as a condom while I fornicate with your skull!
Son Gohan, Dragon Ball Abridged

Narrator: How'd it turn out?
Heavy Weapons Guy: Stoopid!
Narrator: That's impossible. A mixture of ingredients do not own the proper attributes to be mentally impaired. Dumb ass.

    Western Animation 

Hello? Fiddleford Computermajigs. You say you're trying to build a trans-universal polydimensional metavortex? Well, that's mathematically feasible! I reckon. *spits*
Fiddleford, Gravity Falls

    Real life 

It is complete loose stool water. It is arse-gravy of the worst kind.

Anyone who thinks the Large Hadron Collider will destroy the world is a twat.
—Physicist Brian Cox

If people hire me, they know what they're gonna get: enthusiastic bad taste.

While Hitler's plan was not in itself a bad one, Russia is what advanced military strategists term as 'very very big'.
An Utterly Impartial History of Britain, or Two Thousand Years of Upper-class Idiots in Charge on the subject of Hitler's invasion of Russia

"I am not a music critic, nor historian nor archivist. I cannot tell you where Bruce Springsteen falls in the pantheon of the American songbook. I cannot illuminate the context of his work, or its roots in the folk and oral history traditions of our great nation. But I am from New Jersey! And so I can tell you what I believe, and what I believe is this...I believe that Bob Dylan and James Brown had a baby!"
Jon Stewart speaking in honor of Bruce Springsteen at the 2009 Kennedy Center Honors