Quotes / Sophisticated as Hell

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    Anime and Manga 

Fuck, these are some fine cigars! Like, all bourgeois and shit.
Jan Valentine, Hellsing

O pitiful shadow lost in the darkness, O evil spirit born of those drifting between heaven and earth, may the thunderous power from the garments of these holy, delicate maidens strike down upon you with great vengeance and furious anger, shattering your loathsome impurity and returning you from whence you came!
Repent, motherfucker!

    Film — Animated 

I'm especially good at expectorating! (hack ptooey!)

    Film — Live-action 

The fucker will RUE THE DAY!!
Withnail threatens what's either a rat or the mutant aberration of a teabag left too long in the sink, Withnail & I

The usage of the language and the vernacular that may have me use, I don't believe that these should be parameter on why you can't use that archetypal four-letter Anglo-Saxoneese term (whatever it may be), because I believe they're appropriate. When you take a 32'' framing hammer and you miss the nail and you hit your thumb, you don't say "Jimminy Crickets". Nor do you say "Golly Whompers".
Jack Rebney, Winnebago Man

Executive: He gets all that money. Pays his family back by bein' a stinkin' drunk. It's enough to make ya sick.
Hobson: I really wouldn't know, sir. I'm just a servant.
Executive: (understanding) Yeah.
Hobson: On the other hand, go screw yourself.
Arthur (1981)

If the ionization rate is constant for all ectoplasmic entities, we could really bust some heads! (beat) In a spiritual sense, of course.

In technical terminology... he's a loon.
Dr. Silberman, The Terminator

Faced with overwhelming odds, I am left with only one option. I'm going to have to science the shit out of this.
Mark Watney, The Martian

"I recognize the Council has made a decision, but given that it's a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it!"
Nick Fury, The Avengers (2012)

    Literature 

The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other, milk.

They require that when a personage talks like an illustrated, gilt-edged, tree-calf, hand-tooled, seven-dollar Friendship's Offering in the beginning of a paragraph, he shall not talk like a negro minstrel in the end of it. But this rule is flung down and danced upon in the Deerslayer tale.

We remain convinced that this is the best defensive posture to adopt in order to minimize casualties when the Great Old Ones return from beyond the stars to eat our brains.

"There are inorexable processes at work here, Maggie. Come hell or high water, you still have to eat and pee."
Sun in Flight Volume 3: Butterflies

    Live-action tv 

Dreaming when dawn's left hand was in the sky
I heard a voice within the tavern cry,
"Awake, my little ones, and fill the cup
Before life's liquor in its cup be dry
(beat) Now, fuck off.
James May, Oz And James's Big Wine Adventure

In my day, we would say that revenge is sweet. But times have changed. How do you say? Payback is a bitch.
Liver Spots, The Dresden Files ("Dead Beat")

It's totally Kafkaesque, yo.
Jesse Pinkman, Breaking Bad

You a mothafucka. [beat] My bad, my bad. You a mothafucka, Mr. President.
Freddy, House of Cards (US) ("Chapter 50")

I grew up here in the up-country. Bibles, barbecues, and broken backs. Everything gets just a little bit thicker this far south. The air, the blood, even me.

Doctor: Genius. He's a genius. The genius. The most human human there's ever been. Now — we're gonna hear him speak! Always, he chooses the best words. New, beautiful, brilliant words.
William Shakespeare: Ah, SHUT YOUR BIG FAT MOUTHS!
Doctor: ...Oh, well.
Martha: You should never meet your heroes.
Doctor Who, "The Shakespeare Code"

Brother Mouzone: Let me be emphatic: You need to take your black ass across Charles Street where it belongs.
The Wire, "Storm Warnings"

Tom Haverford: The Word 'Bistro' is classy as shit!
—''Parks and Recreation, "Woman of the Year."

Gaskell: And now, my good wife, while I rest, read to me from Shakespeare's "Gay Boys in Bondage".

    Music 

I am the ultimate Svengali
These bitches can't even spell that
—"Roman Holiday", Nicki Minaj

Overwhelmed as one would be
Placed in my position
Such a heavy burden now to be the one
Born to bear and bring to all
The details of our ending
To write it down for all the world to see.
But I forgot my pen,
Shit the bed again
Typical.
— "Rosetta Stoned", Tool

    Stand-up comedy 

What I'm saying might be profane, but it's also profound.

God. What the fuck am I doing here?
Robin Williams, Live at the Met

You ever notice how when Ron Jeremy is masturbating he holds his pinky finger out? It's cause he's classy.

Hitler was a mass-murdering fuckhead, as many important historians have said.

Well, Mr McBumfurtey, I've given you every possible examination, I've thumbed through every one of these copious volumes, and given you an electrocardiograph test. I've come to the conclusion that, in the words of the great Hippocrates himself, your heart's fucked.
Billy Connolly, Was It Something I Said?

Stephen Colbert, President of [Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow], has asked that I quote him as saying, 'Yeah! How you like me now, F.E.C? I'm rolling seven digits deep! I got 99 problems but a non-connected independent-expenditure only committee ain't one!' I would like it noted for the record that I advised Mr. Colbert against including that quote.
Shauna Pol on Stephen Colbert's Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow Super PAC

    Video Games 

I believe the proper phrase here is, 'you fail.'
Miles Edgeworth, Ace Attorney Investigations

Commander Shepard: Sorry. If you were human, you'd both be called the mother, regardless of which gave birth.
Matriarch Aethyta: Well I'm not human, am I? Anthropocentric bag of dicks.
Mass Effect 3: Shepard speaks to Liara's "father"

Thou art toast!

My femininity is hella boss!
Princess Sonia Nevermind, Super Dangan Ronpa 2

    Webcomics 

Woman: The Cabernet is piquant as shit this year.
xkcd

'Fucking ineffable' sounds like someone remembering how to do self-censorship halfway through a phrase.
xkcd again (Alt Text of the same comic)

I may be in error, but I believe the appropriate proclamation is 'Sneak Attack, bitch'.

Who-wha? But that's dumb! Nobody wants you to be me! I'm already me! And you're you! An' it's like totally mete that you should remain you! I pinky-swear that everybody here'd treat the integrity of your self-identity as superdy-duper, profoundly inviolable and stuff and junk! Word!! Do you savvy?

Rose: John, I think it would be most beneficial if all of our words were concise and to the point.
Dave: In other words, some of us fucked up. Some of us done fucked up good.

Ladies, gents, it's been a pleasure. Also, go fuck your respective selves.

In case the actual Japanese person here is unaware of this, refusal to forgive in the Japanese sense is basically a solemn, irrevocable vow to murder the shit out of someone.
Luigifan explaining what "This Is Unforgivable!" would mean "in the Japanese sense" after Miriam Calibur says it in response to her mother being attacked during the "Scaredy fox training" roleplay of White Dark Life

Text links at the top of the page give you a few more options. You can upload your own collections, add to favourites for later and access a page full of torrent downloads of Hentai toon porn.
— A review of a porn site (link NSFW)

    Web Original 

Give her the dick.
Rene Descartes, Memetic Mutation

I loved everything about it, especially the opening sequence, with a chauffeur taking your hand and driving you through New York to the Met Opera as Mozart plays in the foreground. It really let you know you were in for a classy night of filth.
Drew Magary on Robin Williams: A Night at the Met

Besides Drew Barrymore and Debi Mazar who were extremely hot as Sugar and Spice, Batman Forever was a neon turd and apparently it was a huge, messy shit show behind-the-scenes too...Jim Carrey said that yeah, the rumors are true, and then he told a story that should make all of us wish we will get into a fight with TLJ just once. Because he will spew out some poetic hate that will make your soul blossom.
Michael K., "I Cannot Sanction Your Buffoonery"

He had the worst feeling that his body was going to betray him again. "Hey, you're preggers with an assbaby. I think your body just pulled a Brutus on you and is busily stabbing you in the back during the Ides of March.
Malganis, sporking The Hidden Child

...and the destruction of their most sanctified of cities left them unfathomably butthurt...
John Morke, talking about Exalted in a Kickstarter video

Let me be emphatic: You need to take your black ass across Charles Street where it belongs.
Brother Mouzone, The Wire

<Kev M> quit the farcical shenanigans you duncical misrepresentation of a homo sapien
<andycode> I find your misanthropic antics most ironic in their malevolent disposition.
<andycode> Moreover, the mere implications of your pathetic facade is illigitimate in its duplicitious atrocity.
<Kev M> your virulent discourse is quite misguided in it's underhanded attempts to slight me
<Khross> And you're fat.

In Japan they have an ancient saying: 'The most beautiful flowers grow only in the shit of Godzilla.'

Teacher: Okay, this line means you are like the finest silk and spices. How would you interpret that, as teenagers?
Student: The booty is real.
Not Always Learning note 

"Very well," I said, eager to undertake the orders of the Most High. "Shall I appear to the humans as a diaphanous being of pure light a hundred miles tall? Or shall I form myself as an everchanging flock of white birds, stretched across all the skies of the world and communicating my purpose in a series of flock-formed images that will live eternally in the hearts of man for its impossible beauty, which is itself a testament to the eternal power and love of the Lord?"
"We were thinking email, actually," suggested Sandalphon. "And don't sign your name or anything."
— Commenter Shmaults, here

Once upon a time, the ancient Greeks practiced an art form which combined lines of rhythmic poetry with musical accompaniment. These performers alternated between repeating chorus-like formulae and freestyled verses that told stories about wine, booty, fly ladies, stacks of treasure, macho violence, and ostentatious modes of transportation.
Tha Illiad of MC Homer, James Hodes

"Kakos Industries would like to sincerely remind you not to fuck with us."
Corin Deeth III, Kakos Industries

[He's] off limits, Im afraid. The Queen of Air and Darkness has taken him as her Knight, and I doubt shed be pleased with his slaughter so soon after rescuing him from the jaws of Death.
Besides, Id miss staring at his cute butt.
Fanfiction roleplay between bloggers (link contains spoilers for The Dresden Files)

The narrator that began the game was a king from a neighboring country of questionable allegiance; the narrator that ends the game is Vaans childhood friend, Penelo, speaking of dreams fulfilled. What keeps us playing, then, is not the story of the boy who wants to fly or the man who thirsts for honor, nor is it the princess or the sky pirate or the bunny lady (although the bunny lady is dope).

''Although the High Ones didnt seem to have a reptilian agenda, much like the modern day story of this creation tale we have grown so used to (via the god blessed internet conspirators) none the less, they recapitulate my favorite story- that there is no new tale to tell.
(plus there is lots of elf sex romancey scenes).''

    Web Video 

Thou dost find a fuckton of spears!

The best way to sum this up is to recite a very famous quote from William Shakespeare: "Fuck it!"
— The Angry Video Game Nerd when referring to the awfully inaccurate Godzilla Game Boy adaptation

I'm gonna eviscerate you and use your gastrointestinal tract as a condom while I fornicate with your skull!
Son Gohan, Dragon Ball Z Abridged

Narrator: How'd it turn out?
Heavy Weapons Guy: Stoopid!
Narrator: That's impossible. A mixture of ingredients do not own the proper attributes to be mentally impaired. Dumb ass.

You are the fucking winter of my discontent, you son of a bitch.

    Western Animation 

Hello? Fiddleford Computermajigs. You say you're trying to build a trans-universal polydimensional metavortex? Well, that's mathematically feasible! I reckon. *spits*
Fiddleford, Gravity Falls

    Real life 

It is complete loose stool water. It is arse-gravy of the worst kind.

Anyone who thinks the Large Hadron Collider will destroy the world is a twat.
—Physicist Brian Cox

If people hire me, they know what they're gonna get: enthusiastic bad taste.

While Hitler's plan was not in itself a bad one, Russia is what advanced military strategists term as 'very very big'.
An Utterly Impartial History of Britain, or Two Thousand Years of Upper-class Idiots in Charge on the subject of Hitler's invasion of Russia

"I am not a music critic, nor historian nor archivist. I cannot tell you where Bruce Springsteen falls in the pantheon of the American songbook. I cannot illuminate the context of his work, or its roots in the folk and oral history traditions of our great nation. But I am from New Jersey! And so I can tell you what I believe, and what I believe is this...I believe that Bob Dylan and James Brown had a baby!"
Jon Stewart speaking in honor of Bruce Springsteen at the 2009 Kennedy Center Honors

"We note that Mr Arkell's attitude to damages will be governed by the nature of our reply and would therefore be grateful if you would inform us what his attitude to damages would be, were he to learn that the nature of our reply is as follows: fuck off."
Private Eye, responding to lawyers for James Arkell

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Quotes/SophisticatedAsHell