Quotes: Sophisticated as Hell

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    Anime and Manga 

Fuck, these are some fine cigars! Like, all bourgeois and shit.
Jan Valentine, Hellsing

    Film — Animated 

I'm especially good at expectorating! (hack ptooey!)

    Film — Live-action 

The fucker will RUE THE DAY!!
Withnail threatens what's either a rat or the mutant aberration of a teabag left too long in the sink, Withnail & I

Executive: He gets all that money. Pays his family back by bein' a stinkin' drunk. It's enough to make ya sick.
Hobson: I really wouldn't know, sir. I'm just a servant.
Executive: (understanding) Yeah.
Hobson: On the other hand, go screw yourself.
Arthur (1981)

If the ionization rate is constant for all ectoplasmic entities, we could really bust some heads! (beat) In a spiritual sense, of course.
Ray, Ghostbusters

In technical terminology... he's a loon.
Dr. Silberman, The Terminator

    Music 

Overwhelmed as one would be
Placed in my position
Such a heavy burden now to be the one
Born to bear and bring to all
The details of our ending
To write it down for all the world to see.
But I forgot my pen,
Shit the bed again
Typical.
Tool, "Rosetta Stoned"

    Literature 

The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other, milk.

They require that when a personage talks like an illustrated, gilt-edged, tree-calf, hand-tooled, seven-dollar Friendship's Offering in the beginning of a paragraph, he shall not talk like a negro minstrel in the end of it. But this rule is flung down and danced upon in the Deerslayer tale.

    Live-action tv 

Dreaming when dawn's left hand was in the sky
I heard a voice within the tavern cry,
"Awake, my little ones, and fill the cup
Before life's liquor in its cup be dry
(beat) Now, fuck off.
James May, Oz And James's Big Wine Adventure

In my day, we would say that revenge is sweet. But times have changed. How do you say? Payback is a bitch.
Liver Spots, The Dresden Files ("Dead Beat")

It's totally Kafkaesque, yo.
Jesse Pinkman, Breaking Bad

Doctor: Genius. He's a genius. The genius. The most human human there's ever been. Now — we're gonna hear him speak! Always, he chooses the best words. New, beautiful, brilliant words.
William Shakespeare: Ah, SHUT YOUR BIG FAT MOUTHS!
Doctor: ...Oh, well.
Martha: You should never meet your heroes.
Doctor Who, "The Shakespeare Code"

    Stand-up comedy 

What I'm saying might be profane, but it's also profound.

God. What the fuck am I doing here?
Robin Williams, Live at the Met

Hitler was a mass-murdering fuckhead, as many important historians have said.

Well, Mr McBumfurtey, I've given you every possible examination, I've thumbed through every one of these copious volumes, and given you an electrocardiograph test. I've come to the conclusion that, in the words of the great Hippocrates himself, your heart's fucked.
Billy Connolly, Was It Something I Said?

Stephen Colbert, President of [Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow], has asked that I quote him as saying, 'Yeah! How you like me now, F.E.C? I'm rolling seven digits deep! I got 99 problems but a non-connected independent-expenditure only committee ain't one!' I would like it noted for the record that I advised Mr. Colbert against including that quote.
Shauna Pol on Stephen Colbert's Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow Super PAC

    Video Games 

I believe the proper phrase here is, 'you fail.'
Miles Edgeworth, Ace Attorney Investigations

Commander Shepard: Sorry. If you were human, you'd both be called the mother, regardless of which gave birth.
Matriarch Aethyta: Well I'm not human, am I? Anthropocentric bag of dicks.
Mass Effect 3: Shepard speaks to Liara's "father"

    Webcomics 

Woman: The Cabernet is piquant as shit this year.
xkcd

'Fucking ineffable' sounds like someone remembering how to do self-censorship halfway through a phrase.
xkcd again (Alt Text of the same comic)

I may be in error, but I believe the appropriate proclamation is 'Sneak Attack, bitch'.

Who-wha? But that's dumb! Nobody wants you to be me! I'm already me! And you're you! An' it's like totally mete that you should remain you! I pinky-swear that everybody here'd treat the integrity of your self-identity as superdy-duper, profoundly inviolable and stuff and junk! Word!! Do you savvy?

Rose: John, I think it would be most beneficial if all of our words were concise and to the point.
Dave: In other words, some of us fucked up. Some of us done fucked up good.

Ladies, gents, it's been a pleasure. Also, go fuck your respective selves.

    Web Original 

Give her the dick.
Rene Descartes, Memetic Mutation

I watched Robin Williams: A Night at the Met dozens of times...I loved everything about it, especially the opening sequence, with a chauffeur taking your hand and driving you through New York to the Met Opera as Mozart plays in the foreground. It really let you know you were in for a classy night of filth.

He had the worst feeling that his body was going to betray him again. "Hey, you're preggers with an assbaby. I think your body just pulled a Brutus on you and is busily stabbing you in the back during the Ides of March.
Malganis, sporking The Hidden Child

...and the destruction of their most sanctified of cities left them unfathomably butthurt...
John Morke, talking about Exalted in a Kickstarter video

Let me be emphatic: You need to take your black ass across Charles Street where it belongs.
Brother Mouzone, The Wire

<Kev M> quit the farcical shenanigans you duncical misrepresentation of a homo sapien
<andycode> I find your misanthropic antics most ironic in their malevolent disposition.
<andycode> Moreover, the mere implications of your pathetic facade is illigitimate in its duplicitious atrocity.
<Kev M> your virulent discourse is quite misguided in it's underhanded attempts to slight me
<Khross> And you're fat.

In Japan they have an ancient saying: 'The most beautiful flowers grow only in the shit of Godzilla.'

Teacher: Okay, this line means ‘you are like the finest silk and spices.’ How would you interpret that, as teenagers?
Student: The booty is real.
Not Always Learning note 

    Web Video 

Thou dost find a fuckton of spears!

I'm gonna eviscerate you and use your gastrointestinal tract as a condom while I fornicate with your skull!
Son Gohan, Dragon Ball Abridged

Narrator: How'd it turn out?
Heavy Weapons Guy: Stoopid!
Narrator: That's impossible. A mixture of ingredients do not own the proper attributes to be mentally impaired. Dumb ass.

    Real life 

It is complete loose stool water. It is arse-gravy of the worst kind.

If people hire me, they know what they're gonna get: enthusiastic bad taste.

While Hitler's plan was not in itself a bad one, Russia is what advanced military strategists term as 'very very big'.
An Utterly Impartial History of Britain, or Two Thousand Years of Upper-class Idiots in Charge on the subject of Hitler's invasion of Russia