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Anime and Manga
Fuck, these are some fine cigars! Like, all bourgeois and shit.
— Jan Valentine, Hellsing
O pitiful shadow lost in the darkness, O evil spirit born of those drifting between heaven and earth, may the thunderous power from the garments of these holy, delicate maidens strike down upon you with great vengeance and furious anger, shattering your loathsome impurity and returning you from whence you came!
Repent, motherfucker!
Repent, motherfucker!
— Panty and Stocking's In the Name of the Moon speech, Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt
Comic Books
Here is Poseidon's abandoned and hideous daughter: the Cyclops of Kylos! Here is that cannibal beast which dares walk as a woman and speak as if civilized. "Who the good fuck are these whores in my home?!?" doth the Cyclops of Kylos cry out.
— The Narrator, ODY-C
As my elders would say, my shame is deep. As the kids would say. Epic fail.
— Katana
To quote the poets... we're fucked.
—Ren, Monstress
Thorite: What manner of bizarre being art thou?!
Miguel O'Hara: Come again?
Thorite: I said, who the shock are you?!
Miguel O'Hara: Come again?
Thorite: I said, who the shock are you?!
— Spider-Man 2099 issue #2
Fan Works
Rose: John, I think it would be most beneficial if all of our words were concise and to the point.
Dave: In other words, some of us fucked up. Some of us done fucked up good.
Dave: In other words, some of us fucked up. Some of us done fucked up good.
Bartholomew Oobleck: What's up, bitches!
Glynda Goodwitch: Bartholomew!
Oobleck: You're right, my apologies. How are you, bitches?
Glynda: That’s not... oh screw it.
(with a bucket shoved onto his head) No reply. Silence. God hast foresaken me. Where art the tale maki- (takes the bucket off) I dare say, what the hell?!
— Shakespeare, Fate/Gamers Only
Senpai: Goodness! Your eyes sparkle like the trillions of stars in the night sky, and your face - glistening and radiant as the sun above us.
Girlfriend: Thanks!
(Beat)
Senpai: Can you crush my balls?
Girlfriend: Thanks!
(Beat)
Senpai: Can you crush my balls?
— Cute and Funny 2
(a Friday Night Funkin' fan animation)
(a Friday Night Funkin' fan animation)To the good Warryn Beesbury, Lord of the Honeyholt, from Ser Tytos Clegane, Knight of Clegane Keep, greetings and salutations! Having read your terms, considered them in all due measure of time, weighted them in my heart and my judgement, and placed them before the Seven-Who-Are-One, I have made the following decision, that you should take said terms, and on my recommendation, bugger yourself with them.
—Ser Tyros Clegane rejecting Lord Warryn Beesbury's demand for surrender, The King Nobody Wanted
Film — Live-Action
"You hear me talkin' hillbilly boy?! I ain't through with you by a damn sight! Imma get medieval on yo ass!"
— Marsellus Wallace threatens the man who raped him, Pulp Fiction
Vinnie: note Well... thank you for that. That's a real weight off me mind. Now, would you mind telling me exactly who the fuck you are? Apart from someone who feeds people to pigs, of course.
Brick Top: Do you know what "nemesis" means? "A righteous infliction of retribution, manifested by an appropriate agent". Personifed, in this case, by an 'orrible cunt. Me.
Brick Top: Do you know what "nemesis" means? "A righteous infliction of retribution, manifested by an appropriate agent". Personifed, in this case, by an 'orrible cunt. Me.
— Snatch.
The fucker will RUE THE DAY!!
— Withnail threatens what's either a rat or the mutant aberration of a teabag left too long in the sink, Withnail and I
In technical terminology... he's a loon.
— Dr. Silberman, The Terminator
Faced with overwhelming odds, I am left with only one option. I'm going to have to science the shit out of this.
— Mark Watney, The Martian
"I recognize the Council has made a decision, but given that it's a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it."
— Nick Fury, The Avengers (2012)
"If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit."
— Doc Brown, Back to the Future
"Now, a question of etiquette – as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?"
— Tyler Durden, Fight Club
"The sad news is that we will be heading for Nalic Nod with six of our co-workers in a state of permanent death. They died today, murdered by some real assholes."
— Lord Crumb, Bad Taste
"Okay, I want you to walk back in there and very calmly, very politely tell the risk-assessors to fuck off!"
— Mark Baum, The Big Short
Literature
The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other, milk.
One end is moo, the other, milk.
They require that when a personage talks like an illustrated, gilt-edged, tree-calf, hand-tooled, seven-dollar Friendship's Offering in the beginning of a paragraph, he shall not talk like a negro minstrel in the end of it. But this rule is flung down and danced upon in the Deerslayer tale.
We remain convinced that this is the best defensive posture to adopt in order to minimize casualties when the Great Old Ones return from beyond the stars to eat our brains.
"There are inexorable processes at work here, Maggie. Come hell or high water, you still have to eat and pee."
— Sun In Flight Volume 3: Butterflies
In my day, we would say that revenge is sweet. But times have changed. How do you say? Payback is a bitch.
— Liver Spots, The Dresden Files: Dead Beat
Wax: Your grasp of the language is startling, considering how you so frequently brutalize it.
Wayne: Ain't nobody what knows the cow better than the butcher, Wax.
Wayne: Ain't nobody what knows the cow better than the butcher, Wax.
Wednesday: As you yourself so wisely pointed out, he's old, and the killing stroke might merely leave you, well, paralyzed for life, say. A hopeless invalid. So you have much to look forward to, should Mister Czernobog survive the coming difficulties.
Shadow: And there is some question about this?
Wednesday: Fuck yes.
Shadow: And there is some question about this?
Wednesday: Fuck yes.
Live-Action TV
Marcus: I'm trying to have a poignant moment with our departed father, turd-face.
Marshall: Well I'm trying to feel Dad's spirit flow through my soul, butt-breath!
Marcus: I'm reaching out to the beyond to touch Dad's inner light, ass-clown!
Marshall: I hear Dad's voice like an ethereal song guiding me towards salvation, douche-nozzle!
Marshall: Well I'm trying to feel Dad's spirit flow through my soul, butt-breath!
Marcus: I'm reaching out to the beyond to touch Dad's inner light, ass-clown!
Marshall: I hear Dad's voice like an ethereal song guiding me towards salvation, douche-nozzle!
Dreaming when dawn's left hand was in the sky
I heard a voice within the tavern cry,
"Awake, my little ones, and fill the cup
Before life's liquor in its cup be dry
(beat) Now, fuck off.
I heard a voice within the tavern cry,
"Awake, my little ones, and fill the cup
Before life's liquor in its cup be dry
(beat) Now, fuck off.
— James May, Oz and James's Big Wine Adventure
It's totally Kafkaesque, yo.
— Jesse Pinkman, Breaking Bad
Brother Mouzone: I'm here to represent the interests of a Mr. Barksdale. Are you familiar with Mr. Barksdale?
Cheese: Yeah, that name ring out, but so do mine.
Brother Mouzone: And you are?
Cheese: Cheese, man!
Brother Mouzone: "Mr. Cheese." I see. And who do you work for, Mr. Cheese?
Cheese: Who I work for?
Brother Mouzone: Am I correct in assuming that you are not employed by Mr. Barksdale?
Cheese: Hell yeah!
Brother Mouzone: Because if that is the case, then I have to insist that you leave.
Cheese: (to one of his henchmen) This nigga serious?
Brother Mouzone: Let me be emphatic: You need to take your black ass across Charles Street where it belongs.
Cheese: Yeah, that name ring out, but so do mine.
Brother Mouzone: And you are?
Cheese: Cheese, man!
Brother Mouzone: "Mr. Cheese." I see. And who do you work for, Mr. Cheese?
Cheese: Who I work for?
Brother Mouzone: Am I correct in assuming that you are not employed by Mr. Barksdale?
Cheese: Hell yeah!
Brother Mouzone: Because if that is the case, then I have to insist that you leave.
Cheese: (to one of his henchmen) This nigga serious?
Brother Mouzone: Let me be emphatic: You need to take your black ass across Charles Street where it belongs.
— The Wire, "Storm Warnings"
You know what? You said some mean things about me, but I believe in myself. And my mama raised me to have confidence, and my brothers taught me how to fight, and, I just feel good. And, also, you a bitch-ass nigga.
— Hannibal Burress, The Eric Andre Show
The Word 'Bistro' is classy as shit!
—Tom Haverford, Parks and Recreation, "Woman of the Year."
Professor: Ms. Foster, I can describe your paper using one very big word, and one very small word: supercilious crap.
Dana: Crap?!
Professor: Wonderful word, "crap". It's short, to the point, and unmistakable in its identity.
Dana: Crap?!
Professor: Wonderful word, "crap". It's short, to the point, and unmistakable in its identity.
And now, my good wife, while I rest, read to me from Shakespeare's "Gay Boys in Bondage".
—Gaskell, Monty Python's Flying Circus
As the good Lord said, "Love thy neighbour as thyself... unless he's Turkish, in which case, KILL THE BASTARD!
So, study the face, study the file, get a big, ragin' hard-on at the thought of catching this bastard. Apologies to the H.R. department... get tumescent with anticipation.
—Hank, Breaking Bad
Music
Overwhelmed as one would be
Placed in my position
Such a heavy burden now to be the one
Born to bear and bring to all
The details of our ending
To write it down for all the world to see.
But I forgot my pen,
Shit the bed again
Typical.
Placed in my position
Such a heavy burden now to be the one
Born to bear and bring to all
The details of our ending
To write it down for all the world to see.
But I forgot my pen,
Shit the bed again
Typical.
— "Rosetta Stoned", tool
Stand-Up Comedy
Well, Mr McBumfurtey, I've given you every possible examination, I've thumbed through every one of these copious volumes, and given you an electrocardiograph test. I've come to the conclusion that, in the words of the great Hippocrates himself, your heart's fucked.
— Billy Connolly, Was It Something I Said?
Stephen Colbert, President of [Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow], has asked that I quote him as saying, 'Yeah! How you like me now, F.E.C? I'm rolling seven digits deep! I got 99 problems but a non-connected independent-expenditure only committee ain't one!' I would like it noted for the record that I advised Mr. Colbert against including that quote.
— Shauna Pol on Stephen Colbert's Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow Super PAC
Video Games
Thou art toast!
— Rebbi, Super Paper Mario
"You might want to cogitate on this: ocean water is colder than a witch's tit. You don't heat the pipes, the pipes freeze."
— Bill McDonagh, BioShock
I swear by the name of Dumuzid, the Shepherd, consort of Ishtar... your ass is mine, punk!
— Thomas "Boss" Mutton, Catherine
O architect of my excellence! (Thanks for the bump, buddy.)
— Odin, Fire Emblem Heroes, after learning a new skill
Ah, a new fair maiden has come in search of true love! A serenade between gentlemen shall decide where her beautiful heart shall reside.
(Later, after losing)
Not bad for an ugly worm. But this time I'll rip your nuts off right after your girlfriend finishes gargling mine.
(Later, after losing)
Not bad for an ugly worm. But this time I'll rip your nuts off right after your girlfriend finishes gargling mine.
—Senpai, Friday Night Funkin'
Commander Shepard: Sorry. If you were human, you'd both be called the mother, regardless of which gave birth.
Matriarch Aethyta: Well I'm not human, am I? Anthropocentric bag of dicks.
Matriarch Aethyta: Well I'm not human, am I? Anthropocentric bag of dicks.
— Mass Effect 3: Shepard speaks to Liara's "father"
Veni, vidi, vici! Like a fuckin' Roman Emperor, I stand unscathed as the dust settles once more!
— Senator Henry Cicero, The Secret World
Did you know that, legally speaking, my word is the same as Tunon's word unless the Archon contradicts my word as Fatebinder? Rhogalus says the legal term for that is Proxy Decisis. Calio says the legal term is "fuck you, I'm the law".
— The Fatebinder, Tyranny
Splinter: Wise man say "you snooze, you lose."
Michelangelo: Man, I totally hate wise men.
Michelangelo: Man, I totally hate wise men.
After watching you blast those bandits with that E-tech gun, I've come to a medically sound conclusion: E-tech is friggin' dope.
— Dr. Zed, Borderlands 2
Queen: Please Select Your Choice: Perish In The Chill Of Absolute Destruction, Or Flourish Under The Warm Bosom Of My Hellish Reign
(Choice between "Bosom" or "Perish")
Kris: (Selects "Bosom")
Ralsei: B... Bosom...?
Queen: It Means Tity
Susie: WE KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!!!
(Choice between "Bosom" or "Perish")
Kris: (Selects "Bosom")
Ralsei: B... Bosom...?
Queen: It Means Tity
Susie: WE KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!!!
Queen: Could That Be A Statement Of Animous Dissension
Susie: Huh?
Queen: You Wanna Fight, Loser
Susie: Huh?
Queen: You Wanna Fight, Loser
Thou art a manwhore...!
— Lavenza, Persona 5
"Who am I? Let's just say I'm God. Your God; well, at least, the only God's who's listening right now. What do I want? Ah, same with any God: a little faith. For without faith, I am nothing, and without me, you're fucked."
— The Terror Mask, Splatterhouse (2010)
"You break into my place, steal my stuff, trash the joint… I feel transgressed and violated! Let's rock!"
— Muggshot, Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus
You know what the Cradle is up to, and if that information falls into the wrong hands, all my careful calculations will be worth approximately jack shit.
— Bedman to Ramlethal, Guilty Gear
Saphir: How much longer...do I gotta do this kneeling crap?
Panette: Ah-ah-ah! Language. Try again.
Saphir: At what length...did my lady say...I'm to continue...this kneeling crap?
Panette: Only one hour longer.
Panette: Ah-ah-ah! Language. Try again.
Saphir: At what length...did my lady say...I'm to continue...this kneeling crap?
Panette: Only one hour longer.
"My dear boy... Your vaunted intuition... is shit!!!"
— Consul K, Xenoblade Chronicles 3
Ladies, gents, it's been a pleasure. Also, go fuck your respective selves.
Visual Novels
I believe the proper phrase here is, 'you fail.'
— Miles Edgeworth, Ace Attorney Investigations
He made a pathetic attempt at trying to impersonate you in a letter. Against my better temperament, I sent him a reply to go to Hell.
— Devere, Dear Devere
My femininity is hella boss!
— Princess Sonia Nevermind, Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair
Web Animation
Emo Gohan: Kakyoin says you're a bitch.
Gohan Black: Well, tell him he's a cuckold!
Emo Gohan: Oh, so you have no problem saying that.
Gohan Black: Calling someone a cuckold is Shakespearian. Look it up!
Gohan Black: Well, tell him he's a cuckold!
Emo Gohan: Oh, so you have no problem saying that.
Gohan Black: Calling someone a cuckold is Shakespearian. Look it up!
Webcomics
The Cabernet is piquant as shit this year.
— xkcd
'Fucking ineffable' sounds like someone remembering how to do self-censorship halfway through a phrase.
I may be in error, but I believe the appropriate proclamation is 'Sneak Attack, bitch'.
— Vaarsuvius, The Order of the Stick, "Right Tool for the Job"
Who-wha? But that's dumb! Nobody wants you to be me! I'm already me! And you're you! An' it's like totally mete that you should remain you! I pinky-swear that everybody here'd treat the integrity of your self-identity as superdy-duper, profoundly inviolable and stuff and junk! Word!! Do you savvy?
— Molly, The Inexplicable Adventures of Bob!
In case the actual Japanese person here is unaware of this, refusal to forgive in the Japanese sense is basically a solemn, irrevocable vow to murder the shit out of someone.
— Luigifan explaining what "This Is Unforgivable!" would mean "in the Japanese sense" after Miriam Calibur says it in response to her mother being attacked during the "Scaredy fox training" roleplay of White Dark Life
of White Dark LifeLegate Zippobic: The space police flyeth in pursuit of the outlaw vessel e'en now! Therefore chillaxeth thou, and let them do their jobs!
Hibachi of Mesquite: Chillaxation must elude me whilst my dear one is in jeopardy! Hast thou ne'er known love?
"Please allow me to express my heartfelt exasperation at this almost entirely self-imposed mass suicide attempt by prefacing my blame attribution with the request for the identity of the person who gave Han a bloody blaster."
— Ben/Chewbacca, Darths & Droids
Max: Aunt Izzy said you're cursed. You don't have curses, do you Min?
Min: Heavens no. Cursing and foul language are a crutch for those of simple wit and dull tongues.
Max: You got an awful lot of mouth for someone without one.
Min: Fuck off, kid.
Min: Heavens no. Cursing and foul language are a crutch for those of simple wit and dull tongues.
Max: You got an awful lot of mouth for someone without one.
Min: Fuck off, kid.
— Ennui GO! #155
"Behold, a small bird
Left tiny tracks in the snow
That is cute as fuck."
Left tiny tracks in the snow
That is cute as fuck."
Web Original
Give her the dick.
— Rene Descartes, Memetic Mutation
He had the worst feeling that his body was going to betray him again. "Hey, you're preggers with an assbaby. I think your body just pulled a Brutus on you and is busily stabbing you in the back during the Ides of March.
— Malganis, sporking The Hidden Child
...and the destruction of their most sanctified of cities left them unfathomably butthurt...
— John Morke, talking about Exalted in a Kickstarter video
<KevM> quit the farcical shenanigans you duncical misrepresentation of a homo sapien
<andycode> I find your misanthropic antics most ironic in their malevolent disposition.
<andycode> Moreover, the mere implications of your pathetic facade is illigitimate in its duplicitious atrocity.
<KevM> your virulent discourse is quite misguided in it's underhanded attempts to slight me
<Khross> And you're fat.
<andycode> I find your misanthropic antics most ironic in their malevolent disposition.
<andycode> Moreover, the mere implications of your pathetic facade is illigitimate in its duplicitious atrocity.
<KevM> your virulent discourse is quite misguided in it's underhanded attempts to slight me
<Khross> And you're fat.
In Japan they have an ancient saying: 'The most beautiful flowers grow only in the shit of Godzilla.'
Teacher: Okay, this line means ‘you are like the finest silk and spices.’ How would you interpret that, as teenagers?
Student: The booty is real.
Student: The booty is real.
— Not Always Learning note
"Very well," I said, eager to undertake the orders of the Most High. "Shall I appear to the humans as a diaphanous being of pure light a hundred miles tall? Or shall I form myself as an everchanging flock of white birds, stretched across all the skies of the world and communicating my purpose in a series of flock-formed images that will live eternally in the hearts of man for its impossible beauty, which is itself a testament to the eternal power and love of the Lord?"
"We were thinking email, actually," suggested Sandalphon. "And don't sign your name or anything."
"We were thinking email, actually," suggested Sandalphon. "And don't sign your name or anything."
— Commenter Shmaults, here
Once upon a time, the ancient Greeks practiced an art form which combined lines of rhythmic poetry with musical accompaniment. These performers alternated between repeating chorus-like formulae and freestyled verses that told stories about wine, booty, fly ladies, stacks of treasure, macho violence, and ostentatious modes of transportation.
— Tha Illiad of MC Homer, James Hodes
, James Hodes"Kakos Industries would like to sincerely remind you not to fuck with us."
— Corin Deeth III, Kakos Industries
[He's] off limits, I’m afraid. The Queen of Air and Darkness has taken him as her Knight, and I doubt she’d be pleased with his slaughter so soon after rescuing him from the jaws of Death.
Besides, I’d miss staring at his cute butt.
Besides, I’d miss staring at his cute butt.
— Fanfiction roleplay between bloggers (link contains spoilers for The Dresden Files)
between bloggers (link contains spoilers for The Dresden Files)The narrator that began the game was a king from a neighboring country of questionable allegiance; the narrator that ends the game is Vaan’s childhood friend, Penelo, speaking of dreams fulfilled. What keeps us playing, then, is not the story of the boy who wants to fly or the man who thirsts for honor, nor is it the princess or the sky pirate or the bunny lady (although the bunny lady is dope).
— Clayton Purdom, "Final Fantasy XII and the glory of the grind"
"''Although the High Ones didn't seem to have a reptilian agenda, much like the modern day story of this creation tale we have grown so used to (via the god blessed internet conspirators) none the less, they recapitulate my favorite story — that there is no new tale to tell.
(plus there is lots of elf sex romancey scenes).''
"Concious efforts ensure that the nation of Manburg is ready for a fat ass building*."
—The first line of "The Official Manburg Hotel Building Permit" written by Quackity, Dream SMP
"If it pleases the court, I would like to say that my opponent is talking SHIT."
— Wilbur Soot, Dream SMP
"I reached down, brushing the jacket of the school uniform aside to reach what looked like a small canister about the size of a cell phone case that had been clipped onto my belt. Flipping the cap open with my thumb, I caught hold of the top couple inches of the object within and tugged it up a bit. Those inches were followed by several more, until the first foot or so of my new kinetic-burst staff was drawn into view. This, despite the fact that the canister on my belt was entirely too small to contain it. Somehow, the five foot long stick just… kept going when I slid it inside, until only enough stuck out to get hold of with my fingers. It was, to use the scientific term, completely fucking amazing."
— Felicity "Flick" Chambers, Heretical Edge
"The thing that distinguishes Tumblr shitposts from shitposts on other social media platforms isn’t the content, it’s the register. The hairpin code-switching between very formal and very vulgar speech – the kind of speech that will use the words 'increasingly' and 'fucktrumpet' in the same sentence."
"Scale in Transformers is, not to put too fine a point on it, screwed."
Web Video
Thou dost find a fuckton of spears!
— Noah Antwiler on Ultima VI
The best way to sum this up is to recite a very famous quote from William Shakespeare: "Fuck it!"
— The Angry Video Game Nerd when referring to the awfully inaccurate Godzilla Game Boy adaptation
The amount of PlayStation consoles may seem superfluous, but you'd be astonished at how many times I've had to cleanse my dwelling of begrimed and impure consoles tainted by shitty games.
I'm gonna eviscerate you and use your gastrointestinal tract as a condom while I fornicate with your skull!
— Son Gohan, Dragon Ball Z Abridged
You clever dick!
— Freeza, Dragon Ball Z Abridged
P is for priceless, the look upon your faces
E is for extinction, all your puny races
R for revolution, which will be televised
F is for how fucked you are, now allow me to reprise
E is for extinction, all your puny races
R for revolution, which will be televised
F is for how fucked you are, now allow me to reprise
— Perfect Cell, Dragon Ball Z Abridged
Narrator: How'd it turn out?
Heavy Weapons Guy: Stoopid!
Narrator: That's impossible. A mixture of ingredients do not own the proper attributes to be mentally impaired, dumb ass.
Heavy Weapons Guy: Stoopid!
Narrator: That's impossible. A mixture of ingredients do not own the proper attributes to be mentally impaired, dumb ass.
— Moments with Heavy - French Toast
By all the grace of humanity! FUCKING DIE!!!
Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed for I am your god. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand, or, or some shit.
— Yeshua, Satellite City
You are the fucking winter of my discontent, you son of a bitch.
— Pat, Two Best Friends Play: Assassin's Creed II: Brotherhood
"A moment's break from your gaze is an eternity past! So together we shall both put these bitches on blast."
— Juliet, Epic Rap Battles of History: "Romeo and Juliet vs. Bonnie and Clyde"
"This idea of society without balance is central to the philosophy of French sociologist Jean Baudrillard. In the Transparency of Evil he argues the kind of moral progress Batman seeks would be impossible. Because even as he seeks to uphold justice by making criminals his bitch, he creates more extreme forms of order for criminals to subvert."
— The Philosophy of the Joker ~ Wisecrack Edition
"Let's just say I...[reading from thesaurus] as diplomatically as possible...think that this statement is a crock a' sh-"
— LS Mark, Sonic is Missing
"I can't believe it! I shan't believe it! That man just hit the juju on the beat!"
— King William (XenoGene), Soundsmith: "Assorted Huntsman Funnies"
"The success of a nation is determined by materialistic and socioeconomic factors. Read a fucking book."
"Filthy Frank is the embodiment of everything a person should not be. He is anti-PC, anti-social, and anti-couth. He behaves and reacts excessively to everything expressly to highlight the ridiculousness of racism, misogyny, legalism, injustice, ignorance and other social blights. He also sets an example to show how easy it is in the social media for any zany material to gain traction/followings by simply sharing unsavoury opinions and joking about topics many find offensive.There is no denying that the show is terribly offensive, but this terrible offensiveness is a deliberate and unapologetic parody of the whole social media machine and a reflection of the human microcosm that that social media is. OR MAYBE IM JUST FUCKING RETARDED."
"It's unique to be able to just fly up, will yourself around it, and kind of paint freeform as you coast around - an untethered free spirit of art and expression. And within a few moments, you have... masterfully shaded it to look like a big ol' donger."
— Critical Role, "Long May He Reign"
"I believe it has come time to expire. I have designs upon departing. I wish to become deceased. Fucking kill me."
Western Animation
Hello? Fiddleford Computermajigs. You say you're trying to build a trans-universal polydimensional metavortex? Well, that's mathematically feasible! I reckon. *spits*
— Fiddleford McGucket, Gravity Falls
"It's in Sanskrit, but it's a dialect I'm not familiar with... The prepositions are all screwy and stuff."
Homer's Brain: Oh, glory of glories! Oh, heavenly testament to the eternal majesty of God's creation!
Homer: Holy macaroni!
— The Simpsons S7 E6 "Treehouse of Horror VI", "Homer³"
Gangsta Rapper: Yo, boy, this class is tight! You go from slopper to proper.
Bart: Cool! *the Rapper lets Bart inside. Bart gasps*
Society Matron: Welcome to my etiquette class, The Proper Young Man.
Bart: But the black man said-
Society Matron: Are you accusing my husband of misleading you? Good Gracious, I should bust a cap in your ass!
Bart: Cool! *the Rapper lets Bart inside. Bart gasps*
Society Matron: Welcome to my etiquette class, The Proper Young Man.
Bart: But the black man said-
Society Matron: Are you accusing my husband of misleading you? Good Gracious, I should bust a cap in your ass!
— The Simpsons, Children of a Lesser Clod.
"To wit, I have found nothing wrong with this remote place, and I must admit it will be with some melancholy that I will leave this island and return home. I saw this chick in a bikini on the beach too. She had the nicest boobs ever."
—Kenny McCormick's internal monologue, South Park
"Do not underestimate me, Gildersnake, for I am the Good Witch Azura, warrior of peace! [Beat] NOW EAT THIS, SUCKA!"
— The Good Witch Azura, The Owl House, "A Lying Witch and a Warden"
"Oh, cruel fate. To be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones. It bones for thee."
—Bender Bending Rodriguez, Futurama
Droopy: Hello, Mr. Fox. Now can I catch you?
Reginald Fox: (British accent) Ah, as they say in America, (attempts a Brooklyn accent) are you kiddin'?
— Droopy cartoon, Out-Foxed
Phineas: (to Ferb) So, brother of mine, what endeavor shall we engage in today?
(Jeremy walks up to them)
Phineas: Hey, Jeremy. What's the haps, big guy?
— Phineas and Ferb, "Nerdy Dancin'"
May your weapons strike with the divine virtue of the Everlight. Now go crush some fucking heads!
— Pike Trickfoot, The Legend of Vox Machina
I suppose by the transitive property, I too must be Vulcan as a mother[bleep]er.
— T'Lyn, Star Trek: Lower Decks, "Empathological Fallacies"
Real Life
Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.
— Roger Ebert, responding to Rob Schneider
"I am not a music critic, nor historian nor archivist. I cannot tell you where Bruce Springsteen falls in the pantheon of the American songbook. I cannot illuminate the context of his work, or its roots in the folk and oral history traditions of our great nation. But I am from New Jersey! And so I can tell you what I believe, and what I believe is this...I believe that Bob Dylan and James Brown had a baby!"
— Jon Stewart speaking in honor of Bruce Springsteen at the 2009 Kennedy Center Honors
"We note that Mr. Arkell's attitude to damages will be governed by the nature of our reply and would therefore be grateful if you would inform us what his attitude to damages would be, were he to learn that the nature of our reply is as follows: fuck off."
— Private Eye, responding to lawyers for James Arkell
, responding to lawyers for James Arkell"Gentlemen! This is democrrracy manifest! Have a look at the headlock here. See the chap over here he - KEEP YOUR HAND OFF MY PENIS!!! - This is the bloke who got me on the penis, people!"
— Cecil George Edwards upon being arrested.
upon being arrested."He says 'motherfucker' is a duplication of the word 'fuck', technically, because 'fuck' is the root form, 'motherfucker' being derivative; therefore, it constitutes duplication. And I said, 'Hey, motherfucker, how did you get my phone number, anyway?'"
— George Carlin, on whether the word "Motherfucker" belongs on his Seven Dirty Words list
"To whom it may concern: fuck you!"
— Formula One driver Valtteri Bottas after winning the 2019 Australian Grand Prix.
the 2019 Australian Grand Prix.