open/close all folders
Anime & Manga
Bandit: And by the looks of ye, ye ain't got no money! So why don't you just leave us the women and we'll call it even!
Inuyasha: You know what? I don't want to waste any more of my time, so if you don't want to get hurt, you better leave.
Inuyasha: You know what? I don't want to waste any more of my time, so if you don't want to get hurt, you better leave.
— Inuyasha
Mook 1: Dressed all in black... A one-handed no-shield style. Don't tell me that's the Black Swordsman...
Mook 2: Rosalia, this is the Beater who solos the front lines... he's on an Assault Team!
Rosalia: Why would someone from an Assault Team be all the way down here? Just take him out already! And take everything he owns!
(several Sword Skills later)
Kirito: About 400, in around 10 seconds. That's the total damage you seven can inflict on me. I'm level 78. I have 14,500 HP. My battle-healing skill auto-regenerates 600 points every ten seconds. We could stand here all day, and you'd never beat me.
Mook 2: Rosalia, this is the Beater who solos the front lines... he's on an Assault Team!
Rosalia: Why would someone from an Assault Team be all the way down here? Just take him out already! And take everything he owns!
(several Sword Skills later)
Kirito: About 400, in around 10 seconds. That's the total damage you seven can inflict on me. I'm level 78. I have 14,500 HP. My battle-healing skill auto-regenerates 600 points every ten seconds. We could stand here all day, and you'd never beat me.
Comic Books
Skinhead: Awright you stinkin' queer — 'ope yer like rough trade.
Nergal: (turning around) Oh yes, please... The rougher, the better.
It's rough, all right. A red hurricane scatters them. A scarlet fury pounds them into the cold porcelain walls. Consciousness running from the tiles of his mind, Kenny remembers the time he put the canary in the Cuisinart.
Nergal: (turning around) Oh yes, please... The rougher, the better.
It's rough, all right. A red hurricane scatters them. A scarlet fury pounds them into the cold porcelain walls. Consciousness running from the tiles of his mind, Kenny remembers the time he put the canary in the Cuisinart.
— Hellblazer: Extreme Prejudice
Look at you, thinking you're a threat. That may just be the cutest thing I've seen in here.
— Deadpool to a civilian with a shotgun, All-New Wolverine
I'm telling you that you're in the wrong film, fatboy. You're not in the cowboy film you thought you were. This is a different kind of movie. And you're in the scene where the redneck shitkicker picks on the stranger in town, only it turns out to be Big Arnie or a gang of vampires. I bet you've seen that a million times, cowboy.
— King Mob, The Invisibles
Supergirl: I take it this [bent pipe] is yours, guys?
Crook 1: H-Holy...! It... It's... Oh, man, it sure is! Hey... We're awfully sorry, lady... Honest! We didn't know it was you!
Supergirl: I'm kind of glad it was! My head's made to take this kind of abuse!— Is yours?
Crook 1: Oh... Momma...
Crook 2: P-Please... Don't do it!
Crook 1: H-Holy...! It... It's... Oh, man, it sure is! Hey... We're awfully sorry, lady... Honest! We didn't know it was you!
Supergirl: I'm kind of glad it was! My head's made to take this kind of abuse!— Is yours?
Crook 1: Oh... Momma...
Crook 2: P-Please... Don't do it!
"I probably shouldn't have done that... But after what that jock did to me on the train, I just couldn't resist! Poor Lombard! If he only knew who he was ticking off every time he picked on meek Clark Kent—!"
Fan Works
Shinji: How come I'm the one with the pack after them? You were ten times as popular as I was, a week after you arrived, miss incredibly-hot-exotic-foreign-transfer-student. I know Touji and Kensuke were making crazy amounts of cash selling beauty shots of you almost right away. Why haven't I had to chase away a pack of boys drooling after you?
Asuka: Because I already had them properly terrified and respectful after I mashed the first two flat when they tried to ask me out the week I got here and refused to take "no" for an answer, [...] Putting a couple of them on the ground with a few punches when they got rough taught the others to keep off.
Asuka: Because I already had them properly terrified and respectful after I mashed the first two flat when they tried to ask me out the week I got here and refused to take "no" for an answer, [...] Putting a couple of them on the ground with a few punches when they got rough taught the others to keep off.
— Advice and Trust, chapter 8
"I know," the mare said with a small chuckle. "But really, I couldn't just leave. After the... humiliation the Avatar gave me, taking her cutie mark isn't truly enough." She got to her hooves. "Taking the cutie marks of her friends as well? I think that will sting nice and hard."
"Mmmm hmmm," Silver said with another sip. "You know, nopony is here. They won't hear you scream."
"Yes, they won't hear you... wait, what?" Meadowbrook said, staring at the mare.
"Mmmm hmmm," Silver said with another sip. "You know, nopony is here. They won't hear you scream."
"Yes, they won't hear you... wait, what?" Meadowbrook said, staring at the mare.
(a group of thugs tear up Kami's Lookout)
Garlic Jr.: Mmm-heheheh! The view hasn't changed a bit!
Mr. Popo: (nonchalant as he points to the mess Garlic and his thugs have made) Clean that up.
Garlic Jr.: I beg your pardon?! Have you an inkling in that simple little head of yours who you're speaking to?
Mr. Popo: (smirking) Oh, please, do go on.
Garlic Jr.: I am the usurper of the once-proud throne your worthless Guardian holds so dear! I am Garlic Jr., returned from the wretch abyss known as the Dead Zone, and I have come for what's rightfully mi— (starts getting covered in strands of darkness) What's going on? I don't remember releasing the Black Water Mist just y— OH GOD! NO! NO! GET IT OFF ME! STOP! (screams in terror as he's consumed by darkness)
Mr. Popo: (watches, smiling)
Garlic Jr.: Mmm-heheheh! The view hasn't changed a bit!
Mr. Popo: (nonchalant as he points to the mess Garlic and his thugs have made) Clean that up.
Garlic Jr.: I beg your pardon?! Have you an inkling in that simple little head of yours who you're speaking to?
Mr. Popo: (smirking) Oh, please, do go on.
Garlic Jr.: I am the usurper of the once-proud throne your worthless Guardian holds so dear! I am Garlic Jr., returned from the wretch abyss known as the Dead Zone, and I have come for what's rightfully mi— (starts getting covered in strands of darkness) What's going on? I don't remember releasing the Black Water Mist just y— OH GOD! NO! NO! GET IT OFF ME! STOP! (screams in terror as he's consumed by darkness)
Mr. Popo: (watches, smiling)
Sometimes I take the form of an 8-year-old and get in windowless vans with strangers. If they're legit, I get candy and Playstation. If not, I get to eat a child molester. Win-win!
"Are you finished yet? My husband will be home soon and I still have to prepare dinner," she finally spoke. She glared as she stroked her son's back, keeping him calm. "As well as clean up this mess."
The Red Skull laughed. "You have spirit! And courage! But I'm afraid my dear that you are out of luck. The good captain is not returning soon, and despite your courage..." he gave a sickly grin, promising nothing but agony, "you have no idea who I am."
The woman laughed. She grinned back at him, and Johann, in shock, almost stumbled back. Her eyes, once gentle and warm, were now filled with nothing but death and horror.
"And you," she said slowly, "my dear, dear Johann, have no idea who I am."
In the blink of an eye, the four armored soldiers with guns pointed at her head had jagged, black swords jammed through their throats. They fell, dead or dying with horrific wet gurgles, onto the floor. The Red Skull took a step back, and drew his own gun-A gun knocked out of his hand by another jagged sword that sliced his hand open. He cried out and held his hand, looking back up in fear.
The woman has stood up, and given her sniffling son to a ragged skeleton wearing ancient Norse armor. The skeleton patted the infant on the back as green flames erupted around the woman, black, skintight armor replacing her civilian clothing. A double horned mask slid over her glowing eyes as two more black swords appeared in her hands.
"Would you like me to show you?" Hela, Asgardian Queen of the Dead, asked with a savage grin.
The Red Skull laughed. "You have spirit! And courage! But I'm afraid my dear that you are out of luck. The good captain is not returning soon, and despite your courage..." he gave a sickly grin, promising nothing but agony, "you have no idea who I am."
The woman laughed. She grinned back at him, and Johann, in shock, almost stumbled back. Her eyes, once gentle and warm, were now filled with nothing but death and horror.
"And you," she said slowly, "my dear, dear Johann, have no idea who I am."
In the blink of an eye, the four armored soldiers with guns pointed at her head had jagged, black swords jammed through their throats. They fell, dead or dying with horrific wet gurgles, onto the floor. The Red Skull took a step back, and drew his own gun-A gun knocked out of his hand by another jagged sword that sliced his hand open. He cried out and held his hand, looking back up in fear.
The woman has stood up, and given her sniffling son to a ragged skeleton wearing ancient Norse armor. The skeleton patted the infant on the back as green flames erupted around the woman, black, skintight armor replacing her civilian clothing. A double horned mask slid over her glowing eyes as two more black swords appeared in her hands.
"Would you like me to show you?" Hela, Asgardian Queen of the Dead, asked with a savage grin.
Licio grabs her arm and yanks her round to face him shouting: "You crazy bitch, what are you doing?! Are you working with the cops?"
She stares at him evenly; she yearns to kill but he is not an Agency target. Perhaps she can provoke him into attacking her.
But Licio lets go without being told. There is no fear in her eyes and that is what warns him; he is a predator and knows when he has been caged with a wolf.
She stares at him evenly; she yearns to kill but he is not an Agency target. Perhaps she can provoke him into attacking her.
But Licio lets go without being told. There is no fear in her eyes and that is what warns him; he is a predator and knows when he has been caged with a wolf.
— Infidelity, a Gunslinger Girl fanfic
It took a major idiot to try to screw over someone who had managed to kill a hero while he was in police protection.
Firefly (inner thoughts): She was the young filly that got attacked by foolish muggers in the alleyway, assuming her to be an easy mark, only to leave them broken and aching by the side of the road. No, Blue Star wasn't at all what she expected. She was better.
—My Choices: Twisted Tales Through Time, Chapter 5
Silica: Oh no, Mister Kirito, there's so many of them! I'll back you up!
Kirito: Aww, that's adorable, you think they're a threat! Well, you just sit tight — show's about to start. Careful though, the first three rows are a splaaash zooone~!
Silica: What's he mean by that?
Kirito: (laughs madly while slowly walking toward the Mooks)
Mook 1: Uh, boss? A thought occurs. This guy thought he was going up against Laughing Coffin but he still just brought himself and... a small child. You sure we want to mess with this guy?
Rosalia: Please, this guy's all talk. And now that I've broken him, he's not even that anymore. He's nothing but a gibbering mess, grasping at straws.
Kirito: Ooooh, another one of your famous theories. Tell ya what, I'll give you the first shot! See how that goes.
(beat)
Mook 2: Boss, I think this might be a trap.
Rosalia: Enough! You're all level 45, and there's seven of you! I think you've got this!
Kirito: (grins)
Rosalia: Now kill him!
(Kirito doesn't bother to dodge as Titan's Hand mobs him, to no effect)
Rosalia: What are you idiots doing?! Quit screwing around and finish him!
Mook: I don't understand! We threw everything we had at him, how is he still standing?
Kirito: How? Well, it's quite simple, really. You see, girlie, you may think you've got me all figured out, but there's one thing you didn't account for. My numbers— (reveals his level 78 stats) —are bigger than yours! Funny thing really: get to a high enough level, and you're basically untouchable. My wounds heal faster than you can make them. We could do this all day and you would not be any closer to beating me. Not that it wouldn't be fun. But, I've got good news! You see, there's no need to wonder where your god is! Cause he's right here! And he's fresh out of mercy.
Mook: (starts sobbing)
Kirito: Aww, that's adorable, you think they're a threat! Well, you just sit tight — show's about to start. Careful though, the first three rows are a splaaash zooone~!
Silica: What's he mean by that?
Kirito: (laughs madly while slowly walking toward the Mooks)
Mook 1: Uh, boss? A thought occurs. This guy thought he was going up against Laughing Coffin but he still just brought himself and... a small child. You sure we want to mess with this guy?
Rosalia: Please, this guy's all talk. And now that I've broken him, he's not even that anymore. He's nothing but a gibbering mess, grasping at straws.
Kirito: Ooooh, another one of your famous theories. Tell ya what, I'll give you the first shot! See how that goes.
(beat)
Mook 2: Boss, I think this might be a trap.
Rosalia: Enough! You're all level 45, and there's seven of you! I think you've got this!
Kirito: (grins)
Rosalia: Now kill him!
(Kirito doesn't bother to dodge as Titan's Hand mobs him, to no effect)
Rosalia: What are you idiots doing?! Quit screwing around and finish him!
Mook: I don't understand! We threw everything we had at him, how is he still standing?
Kirito: How? Well, it's quite simple, really. You see, girlie, you may think you've got me all figured out, but there's one thing you didn't account for. My numbers— (reveals his level 78 stats) —are bigger than yours! Funny thing really: get to a high enough level, and you're basically untouchable. My wounds heal faster than you can make them. We could do this all day and you would not be any closer to beating me. Not that it wouldn't be fun. But, I've got good news! You see, there's no need to wonder where your god is! Cause he's right here! And he's fresh out of mercy.
Mook: (starts sobbing)
— Sword Art Online Abridged's version of the scene quoted in the Anime section
This time, unlike before, Coach Marada had laid his hands on the wrong young woman and her parents had effectively dropped the hammer of God on him. With such a powerful and connected family spearheading his prosecution, Marada’s many sins came to light, and once Kaede’s existence became public knowledge, everything good and stable about her life vanished practically overnight.
—Synépeies - A Collection Of NTR Consequences, "Fallen Leaves"
Noises nearby. He didn't even have to turn up his hearing to perceive them.
A couple of other interlopers. This town had some interesting nightlife, to be sure. Both of them were humanoid, but not human. They had misshapen heads and hands that simply weren’t right, but both of them fit into Terran clothing. It seemed that both of them were smiling, but that was hard to tell.
"Hate to ask, pops, but you know how it is when you're down on your luck," said one. "Can I bum a quarter?"
"Actually," said the other, "we don't even need that. We'll work for food. Of course, you're the food."
They lunged.
He turned his head two separate ways within the space of an instant.
Both of the demons had time to gape as they felt the bolts of heat searing through their middles. They also had time to look at the gaping red holes in their chests those bolts had made.
Then they crumpled to the ground and moved no more.
He surveyed them both for a second, then said, "Never hunt on an empty stomach. You get careless that way."
A couple of other interlopers. This town had some interesting nightlife, to be sure. Both of them were humanoid, but not human. They had misshapen heads and hands that simply weren’t right, but both of them fit into Terran clothing. It seemed that both of them were smiling, but that was hard to tell.
"Hate to ask, pops, but you know how it is when you're down on your luck," said one. "Can I bum a quarter?"
"Actually," said the other, "we don't even need that. We'll work for food. Of course, you're the food."
They lunged.
He turned his head two separate ways within the space of an instant.
Both of the demons had time to gape as they felt the bolts of heat searing through their middles. They also had time to look at the gaping red holes in their chests those bolts had made.
Then they crumpled to the ground and moved no more.
He surveyed them both for a second, then said, "Never hunt on an empty stomach. You get careless that way."
A few minutes later, the drunken businessmen ambushed Ruggedo just outside the train station, demanding that he return their money or suffer a beating. Ruggedo smiled, set aside his luggage, and offered a polite rebuttal.
Not long after the screaming had finally stopped, he quietly teleported their unconscious bodies into a waiting train headed in the opposite direction; hopefully, they wouldn't be too inconvenienced by winding up in the asscrack of Quadling Country, or the fines they'd earn for travelling without tickets.
Film — Live-Action
Reginald: The hell are you doing to my car!?
3-D: Beat it, spook, this don't concern you!
[four very pissed-looking Starlighters open the doors and step out of the car]
Marvin: Who you callin' "spook", peckerwood?
[quiet Oh, Crap! moment from the bullies]
Skinhead: ... H-hey, listen guys, look I don't wanna mess with no reefer addicts, okay?
Marvin: [snarls] Go home to your mama, boy! [takes a swipe at Skinhead, the bullies panic and run as the Starlighters chase them off]
That's not a knife. (draws his Bowie knife) This is a knife!
— Mike Dundee is unimpressed with a wannabe mugger's switchblade, "Crocodile" Dundee
Gandalf: I ran into some unsavory characters whilst traveling along the Greenway. They mistook me for a vagabond.
Thorin: I imagine they regretted that.
Thorin: I imagine they regretted that.
Viggo: I heard you struck my son.
Aurelio: Yes, sir, I did.
Viggo: And may I ask why?
Aurelio: Yeah, well... 'cause he stole John Wick's car, sir, and, uh... killed his dog.
Viggo: ...Oh.
Aurelio: Yes, sir, I did.
Viggo: And may I ask why?
Aurelio: Yeah, well... 'cause he stole John Wick's car, sir, and, uh... killed his dog.
Viggo: ...Oh.
Viggo: It's not what you did, son, that angers me so. It's who you did it to.
Iosef: A fuckin' nobody?
Viggo: That fucking nobody... is John Wick. He once was an associate of ours. They call him "Baba Yaga."
Iosef: The Boogeyman?
Viggo: Well, John wasn't exactly the Boogeyman. He was the one you sent to kill the fucking Boogeyman. John is a man of focus, commitment, sheer will — something you know very little about. I once saw him kill three men in a bar... with a pencil. With a fucking pencil. Then suddenly one day he asked to leave. It's over a woman, of course. So I made a deal with him. I gave him an impossible task. A job no one could have pulled off. The bodies he buried that day laid the foundation of what we are now. And then my son, a few days after his wife died, you steal his car and kill his fucking dog.
Iosef: A fuckin' nobody?
Viggo: That fucking nobody... is John Wick. He once was an associate of ours. They call him "Baba Yaga."
Iosef: The Boogeyman?
Viggo: Well, John wasn't exactly the Boogeyman. He was the one you sent to kill the fucking Boogeyman. John is a man of focus, commitment, sheer will — something you know very little about. I once saw him kill three men in a bar... with a pencil. With a fucking pencil. Then suddenly one day he asked to leave. It's over a woman, of course. So I made a deal with him. I gave him an impossible task. A job no one could have pulled off. The bodies he buried that day laid the foundation of what we are now. And then my son, a few days after his wife died, you steal his car and kill his fucking dog.
"Boy, did you pick the wrong guy on the wrong day."
— Nick Beams, after T-Paul tries to carjack him, Nothing to Lose
"Out of all the men to cheat, you picked John Kramer? I mean... I'd call that... epic bad luck."
— Mark Hoffman, Saw X
Delinquent: Hey, who do you think you are, huh?
Garth: Just a dumb kid, Hub. Don't kill him.
Hub: Right.
(Hub grabs the kid's throat)
Hub: I'm Hub McCann. I've fought in two World Wars and countless smaller ones on three continents. I led thousands of men into battle with everything from horses and swords to artillery and tanks. I've seen the headwaters of the Nile, and tribes of natives no white man had ever seen before. I've won and lost a dozen fortunes, killed many men, and loved only one woman with a passion a flea like you could never begin to understand. That's who I am. NOW, GO HOME, BOY!
Garth: Just a dumb kid, Hub. Don't kill him.
Hub: Right.
(Hub grabs the kid's throat)
Hub: I'm Hub McCann. I've fought in two World Wars and countless smaller ones on three continents. I led thousands of men into battle with everything from horses and swords to artillery and tanks. I've seen the headwaters of the Nile, and tribes of natives no white man had ever seen before. I've won and lost a dozen fortunes, killed many men, and loved only one woman with a passion a flea like you could never begin to understand. That's who I am. NOW, GO HOME, BOY!
"BROKE INTO THE WRONG GODDAMN REC ROOM, DIDN'T YOU, YOU BASTARD?!"
— Burt Gummer, Tremors
Mugger: Hey buddy, can we borrow some cash?
Will: All of ya? Well I've got about a thousand dollars on me, how much would you like to borrow? Five? Ten?
Will: All of ya? Well I've got about a thousand dollars on me, how much would you like to borrow? Five? Ten?
Erik: Doesn't it ever wake you in the middle of the night? The feeling that someday they will pass that foolish law, or one just like it, and come for you, and your children?
Charles: It does indeed.
Erik: What do you do, when you wake up to that?
Charles: I feel a great swell of pity for the poor soul who comes to that school... (looks directly at Erik) looking for trouble.
Charles: It does indeed.
Erik: What do you do, when you wake up to that?
Charles: I feel a great swell of pity for the poor soul who comes to that school... (looks directly at Erik) looking for trouble.
Literature
CeeCee stabbed Cal in the back with sharp mantis pincers, then raked down with its chitinous spike. Cal's shirt ripped off completely, freeing what he wore beneath.
"A cape?" CeeCee said. "What kind of a moron wears a cape? Oh - FUCK!"
I'll let you fill in the next 12.7 seconds from your fantasies of "dirtbags getting what they deserve."
"A cape?" CeeCee said. "What kind of a moron wears a cape? Oh - FUCK!"
I'll let you fill in the next 12.7 seconds from your fantasies of "dirtbags getting what they deserve."
— All Those Explosions Were Someone Else's Fault, by James Alan Garner
The Fulcis' Dodge had smoked glass windows, so the guy in the suit could almost have been forgiven for what he said next.
"Hey," he said, "get that fucking tin can out of the way. We're in a hurry here!"
Nothing happened for about fifteen seconds, while the Fulcis' primitive semi-medicated brains tried to equate the words they'd heard spoken with their own vision of their beloved truck. Eventually, the door on the driver's side opened, and a very large, very irate Tony Fulci jumped gracelessly from the cab to the ground. He wore a polyester golf shirt, elastic-waisted pants from a big-man store, and steel-toed work boots. His belly bulged under his shirt, the sleeves of which stopped above his enormous biceps, the material insufficiently Lycraed to make the stretch demanded of his pumped arms. Twin arcs of muscle reached out from his shoulders, their symmetry undisturbed by the intrusion of a neck, giving him the appearance of a man who had recently been force-fed a very large coat hanger.
His brother Paulie joined him. He made Tony look a little on the dainty side.
"Jesus Christ," said the BMW driver.
"Why," said Tony, "Does he drive a fucking tin can as well?"
Then the Fulcis went to work.
"Hey," he said, "get that fucking tin can out of the way. We're in a hurry here!"
Nothing happened for about fifteen seconds, while the Fulcis' primitive semi-medicated brains tried to equate the words they'd heard spoken with their own vision of their beloved truck. Eventually, the door on the driver's side opened, and a very large, very irate Tony Fulci jumped gracelessly from the cab to the ground. He wore a polyester golf shirt, elastic-waisted pants from a big-man store, and steel-toed work boots. His belly bulged under his shirt, the sleeves of which stopped above his enormous biceps, the material insufficiently Lycraed to make the stretch demanded of his pumped arms. Twin arcs of muscle reached out from his shoulders, their symmetry undisturbed by the intrusion of a neck, giving him the appearance of a man who had recently been force-fed a very large coat hanger.
His brother Paulie joined him. He made Tony look a little on the dainty side.
"Jesus Christ," said the BMW driver.
"Why," said Tony, "Does he drive a fucking tin can as well?"
Then the Fulcis went to work.
"Smart money is on you being the wrong target: he sent them after your contact, and they followed you because 'e passed you the file the SA wanted. Let's face it, it'd be pretty fucking dumb to send only three-and-a-bit brain-scorched gunmen to take down the Eater of Souls, right?"
I take a deep, shaky breath. "I could have killed everyone within a quarter-kilometer radius."
That's an understatement, probably, but I know better than to go full Angleton in the middle of a city.
They had the heavy, stolid look of those thugs whose appearance in any narrative means that it's time for the hero to be menaced a bit, although not too much, because it's also obvious that they're going to be horribly surprised.
— Mort
People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind rocks then say things like, "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else."
I grimace and grab the kid's hand that holds the shiv. He and I are face to face. He's seventeen if he's a day, with that desperate, feral quality the younger Living have. Like little wolves. They've had tough lives these past few months. I can smell his adolescent sweat and his stinky boots. Gamey, I predict to myself, but clean. Hunger roils under my ribs.
His hand, gripping the shiv, pulses with warm Living energy. I squeeze his knuckles, hard, and my grimace turns into a little smile. And now he notices my face. My complexion is bad, texture like a burnt potato skin. Plus, I took a tire iron in the forehead a couple of weeks back, and through the square-inch or so of broken skin above my right eyebrow, the bone of my skull is bright white.
The kid's eyes widen. He tries to pull away, but I've got his hand. My voice is a velvet croak as I say, gently, "It's okay, man. Relax."
His hand, gripping the shiv, pulses with warm Living energy. I squeeze his knuckles, hard, and my grimace turns into a little smile. And now he notices my face. My complexion is bad, texture like a burnt potato skin. Plus, I took a tire iron in the forehead a couple of weeks back, and through the square-inch or so of broken skin above my right eyebrow, the bone of my skull is bright white.
The kid's eyes widen. He tries to pull away, but I've got his hand. My voice is a velvet croak as I say, gently, "It's okay, man. Relax."
— The Immortal Part, by Charles Pinion
Intent to rob, intent to assault, assault, and failing to be selective in your choice of victim. Bad day for you.
— Vlad Taltos, Iorich
A necromancer newly cast forth into the great wastes came upon a tall man robed all in black who stood upon the crest of a dune beneath the stars, head cocked to the side as though listening to music, though no sound broke the silence of the night save the wind. His face was shadowed in the depths of his hood and his back was turned. Emboldened by this disregard, the desert dweller crept up the slope of the dune with knife drawn, his intent to slit the throat of the stranger and steal his cloak and boots. When he raised the knife, he found that he could not move. The stranger turned and gazed at him - and he screamed, for there was no face in the hood, only two glittering stars. For a dozen heartbeats, the stars pierced his soul and flayed it open. Then the stranger turned and walked away, and the dweller fell to his knees and wept over the loss of such exquisite emptiness.
— A run-in with Nyarlathotep, Necronomicon: The Wanderings of Alhazred, by Donald Tyson
Apparently they'd broken into the place in the wee small hours of the morning. They had thought the house was empty; a bad mistake indeed!
According to statements they later made to the police, Ferenczy had been dragging one of them and herding the other two to the cellar when his attention was arrested by the arrival of horsemen outside the house. Remember, in those days the local police still used horses in the more isolated regions. It was them, all right; they had been alerted by reports of prowlers in the area, the brothers, of course. And never were three criminals more glad to be given over into the hands of the law!
Thugs they were, by all means, but they'd been no match for Faethor Ferenczy. Each of them had a broken right arm and a broken left leg, and their intended victim was responsible! Think of his strength, Dragosani!
According to statements they later made to the police, Ferenczy had been dragging one of them and herding the other two to the cellar when his attention was arrested by the arrival of horsemen outside the house. Remember, in those days the local police still used horses in the more isolated regions. It was them, all right; they had been alerted by reports of prowlers in the area, the brothers, of course. And never were three criminals more glad to be given over into the hands of the law!
Thugs they were, by all means, but they'd been no match for Faethor Ferenczy. Each of them had a broken right arm and a broken left leg, and their intended victim was responsible! Think of his strength, Dragosani!
— Ladislau Giresci, Necroscope
I keep a small underground apartment about twelve minutes' brisk walk from the cantina. It's been broken into twice since I've lived there. The first time I came back and found the deed done; the second time I surprised the burglar in the act. A young human. Turns out humans don't taste very good.
— Kardue'sai'Malloc, Star Wars: Tales from the Mos Eisley Cantina, "Empire Blues: The Devaronian's Tale"
The first time someone tried to mug him, he knew he was safe. And when his would-be assailant told him the name of this neighborhood, he almost laughed out loud. How appropriate that his journey would lead him into the very Kitchen of Hell. There, stooping beside the blood smear that had been his unsuccessful robber, Yulric licked his fingers and considered his next move.
— An Unattractive Vampire by Jim McDoniel
"You're not impressing anyone," I said.
"So hostile," Emma said. "Is that part of your new image? Being rude? Keeping everyone at arm's length? If anyone's trying too hard, it's you."
Oh, I just had to take one look at her expression to see that she was reveling in the irony. She didn't give a damn that the accusations she was directing at me could be turned against her. For her, it was all about the reaction she got out of me. Victories, both big and little. And all the while, she was oblivious to what I was holding back: tens of thousands of bugs, insects and arachnids, worms, centipedes, snails and slugs. I restrained them in the same way I might keep my fist clenched, resisting the urge to swing it at her. It wasn't just the idea of hurting her. That was almost secondary. It was the idea of catching her right now, when she had less of a hold over me than she'd had in years. To see the look on her face in the moment before the bugs forced themselves into her airways. The dawning comprehension, the realization of what she'd brought on herself. One action, and she might experience a share of the fear, the frustration and disgust I'd experienced over the years. The hopelessness, the helplessness in the face of someone with more power to throw around. I could imagine the bugs flowing into her mouth before she thought to cover it, flowing into her nostrils until she covered that. I could imagine the moment she realized she'd have to swallow if she wanted to breathe. I might even dismiss the bugs from flying around between us, just so I'd have a clear visual of it.
"So hostile," Emma said. "Is that part of your new image? Being rude? Keeping everyone at arm's length? If anyone's trying too hard, it's you."
Oh, I just had to take one look at her expression to see that she was reveling in the irony. She didn't give a damn that the accusations she was directing at me could be turned against her. For her, it was all about the reaction she got out of me. Victories, both big and little. And all the while, she was oblivious to what I was holding back: tens of thousands of bugs, insects and arachnids, worms, centipedes, snails and slugs. I restrained them in the same way I might keep my fist clenched, resisting the urge to swing it at her. It wasn't just the idea of hurting her. That was almost secondary. It was the idea of catching her right now, when she had less of a hold over me than she'd had in years. To see the look on her face in the moment before the bugs forced themselves into her airways. The dawning comprehension, the realization of what she'd brought on herself. One action, and she might experience a share of the fear, the frustration and disgust I'd experienced over the years. The hopelessness, the helplessness in the face of someone with more power to throw around. I could imagine the bugs flowing into her mouth before she thought to cover it, flowing into her nostrils until she covered that. I could imagine the moment she realized she'd have to swallow if she wanted to breathe. I might even dismiss the bugs from flying around between us, just so I'd have a clear visual of it.
— Worm
In fact, he almost wanted some creepy drunk person to saunter up and start a conversation, just so he could see what would happen. He figured it would inevitably be something surprising, like them turning out to be really fun and perfectly harmless, if a bit over-friendly from the inebriation. And if they tried to kidnap and murder him, well. That would be surprising for them.
Live-Action TV
[The Streib's] last expedition was into Minbari space. We tracked them back to their homeworld... and made sure they understood the depth of their mistake.
— Ambassador Delenn, "All alone in the night," Babylon 5
Buffy: You ever heard the expression, "biting off more than you can chew?" ...Okay, um, how about the expression "Vampire Slayer?"
Vampire: What the hell are you talking about?
Buffy: Wow. Never heard that one? Okay, how about, "Oh God, my leg, my leg?"
(Sickening "Crunch!")
Vampire: Oh God, my leg! Ah!
Vampire: What the hell are you talking about?
Buffy: Wow. Never heard that one? Okay, how about, "Oh God, my leg, my leg?"
(Sickening "Crunch!")
Vampire: Oh God, my leg! Ah!
Rick: They're going to feel pretty stupid when they find out.
Abraham: Find out what?
Rick: They're fucking with the wrong people.
Abraham: Find out what?
Rick: They're fucking with the wrong people.
— The Walking Dead (2010), "A" (DVD version)
Chief Inspector Hyne: This case appears to bear all the hallmarks of what I like to describe as "regrettable misadventure".
Deputy Inspector Karne: But they were murdered!
Chief Inspector Hyne: No. They were killed in a fight. They were in a brothel, which we're not supposed to have, the expensive one, which they shouldn't be able to afford, drinking Revnog, which we're not supposed to allow. Both of them supposedly on the job, which is a dismissible offense. They clearly harassed this "human with dark features" from the report and chose the wrong person to annoy.
Deputy Inspector Karne: But they were murdered!
Chief Inspector Hyne: No. They were killed in a fight. They were in a brothel, which we're not supposed to have, the expensive one, which they shouldn't be able to afford, drinking Revnog, which we're not supposed to allow. Both of them supposedly on the job, which is a dismissible offense. They clearly harassed this "human with dark features" from the report and chose the wrong person to annoy.
Tabletop Games
As the veteran adventurer Torbras of Westgate put it, "If you accost a barefoot laborer digging in the mud of a turnip field and stained glass golems suddenly lurch out of nearby sheds or the columns of a barn come to life, and gemstones float out of the man's pockets to circle his head and spit lightning at you — well, you've found one of those fabled jewelers of Irl, and likely a swift end to your life, too!"
— "The Border Kingdoms: Irl - Jeweler's Paradise
," by Ed Greenwood
," by Ed GreenwoodFaelrae is apparently a Tashalan human but is in truth a song dragon. Ilden seems to be a male Shaaran human but reverts to his true silver dragon form when he feels the need.
That need usually arises either when a wizard decides that Hawkgarth looks ripe for being transformed into his or her domain (there have been several spectacular, midair spell-battles attendant on persuading such individuals that they're mistaken) or when an adventuring band, mercenary company, or (more rarely) neighboring ruler decides that Hawkgarth needs a new form of government — to whit, them.
That need usually arises either when a wizard decides that Hawkgarth looks ripe for being transformed into his or her domain (there have been several spectacular, midair spell-battles attendant on persuading such individuals that they're mistaken) or when an adventuring band, mercenary company, or (more rarely) neighboring ruler decides that Hawkgarth needs a new form of government — to whit, them.
— "The Border Kingdoms: Hawkgarth pt.2 - The Countryside," by Ed Greenwood
," by Ed GreenwoodHey lads, the moon's rising. All the better to watch him beg for mercy.
Just look at him, groveling on all fours! What a pathetic - uh-oh.
Just look at him, groveling on all fours! What a pathetic - uh-oh.
Video Games
Stan: How did you do that?
Jodie: I... I learned how to fight in the army.
Stan: Yeah, but there was four of them, 'gainst one of you.
Jodie: Four assholes. They did not know how to fight.
Jodie: I... I learned how to fight in the army.
Stan: Yeah, but there was four of them, 'gainst one of you.
Jodie: Four assholes. They did not know how to fight.
"Hey, it's a gobbo!" the first drunk said.
"How far d'you reckon we could punt the little bastard?" the other asked.
Zurk smiled. His smile broadened and lengthened. A moment later, the drunks were hurtling across the fields, their crotches as wet as their discarded tankards.
"How far d'you reckon we could punt the little bastard?" the other asked.
Zurk smiled. His smile broadened and lengthened. A moment later, the drunks were hurtling across the fields, their crotches as wet as their discarded tankards.
Hey, who are you?! You can't... be... here....
— UAC Guard to the Doom Slayer, Doom Eternal
Thief: Stop right there! Now hand over your valuables and no one gets hurt.
The Dragonborn: I don't have time for this.
The Dragonborn: I don't have time for this.
You are robbed six times before the lighting of the lamps. Well, "robbed" is generous. Anyone who so much as breathes on your pockets suffers a swift beating. Is everyone in this city a villain?
YOU PICKED THE WRONG HOUSE, FOOL!
—Big Smoke, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
There are people in this world who go about demanding to be killed. You must have noticed them. They quarrel in gambling games. They jump out of their automobiles in a rage. They humiliate and bully people whose capabilities they do not know. These are people who wander through the world shouting, "Kill me." And there's always someone ready to oblige to them.
— Vito Corleone, The Godfather
Ever heard of the Yiga Clan? They're a group of thieving bandits who have caused all sorts of trouble back in town. I got a tip that some of them go incognito as travelers to ambush the unwary. That's why I'm dressed as a simple merchant. My mission is to blend in and stay on guard in case they strike.
Beauty, isn't it? Pried that off the krogan warlord Gezark. Used to run the Blood Pack out of Omega about seventeen years ago. Wasn't even a job: guy just thought he'd hijack the freighter I was hitchhiking on. Big mistake.
(Standing over an unconscious thug) What was this idiot thinking?!? You see a ninja, you let the ninja pass. That's common sense!
—A surprisingly intelligent mook, Batman: Arkham Knight
Web Comics
Zephan: (reading Sydney's police record) It looks like she spent a night in jail, she was charged with aggravated assault...
Maxima: Again, unsurprised.
Zephan: It was dismissed as self-defense. Apparently... good lord, someone tried to mug her? Talk about unprofessional, the police report says only "Oh the humanity!"
Maxima: Again, unsurprised.
Zephan: It was dismissed as self-defense. Apparently... good lord, someone tried to mug her? Talk about unprofessional, the police report says only "Oh the humanity!"
Space Cop: I would appreciate if, in the future, that you didn't use such heavy ordnance while defending yourself from ruffians!
Cora: That was my regular ordnance.
Space Cop: Well I'm still giving you a ticket!
Cora: For what?
Space CSI: Hey, I found a rib over here! Oh... no, it's a melted femur.
Space Cop: Littering.
Cora: That was my regular ordnance.
Space Cop: Well I'm still giving you a ticket!
Cora: For what?
Space CSI: Hey, I found a rib over here! Oh... no, it's a melted femur.
Space Cop: Littering.
Attention! Banditry's na tha answer ta yer problems. 'Tis wrong and also dangerous. Ye are surround'd by deadly trees an' ye have na sufficient force ta make a real go of it. One a' these days, yer just gonna end up trying to rob like a level 16 fighter by accident and get massacred.
— Durkon Thundershield to a gang of bandits, The Order of the Stick
, The Order of the StickOmnibus, pirates and gangsters and other "outlaws" are nothing but arrogant children. They think that the rules are just there to spoil their fun, and that only wimps and losers live by them. And so they figure that being an outlaw makes them the biggest, baddest predators in the universe.
They're dead wrong. What it makes them is rightful prey, of the civilization they spurned— and of the things civilization protected them from without their ever knowing. There are powers and principalities out there that pick their teeth with the bones of "big, bad outlaws" that wander out past the fence.
Our three-eyed little buccaneers just learned their worst nightmare is true. That the bars on the cage aren't there to protect the tiger. And the tiger isn't them.
They're dead wrong. What it makes them is rightful prey, of the civilization they spurned— and of the things civilization protected them from without their ever knowing. There are powers and principalities out there that pick their teeth with the bones of "big, bad outlaws" that wander out past the fence.
Our three-eyed little buccaneers just learned their worst nightmare is true. That the bars on the cage aren't there to protect the tiger. And the tiger isn't them.
— Quentyn Quinn, Space Ranger, explaining to his navigation droid why he's certain that the wounded pirates he just captured won't give him any trouble
why he's certain that the wounded pirates he just captured won't give him any troubleUnion Boss: Oh, so you wanna play rough and dirty, do you? Listen up. I own every bailbondsman, bouncer, stevedore, and personal trainer in the area. These are some big boys who get bored sometimes, and want some rough play, if you know what I mean.
Breya: Oh, I know exactly how boys can be. I'm a mercenary admiral, and I've got a company full of testosterone factories looking to earn some extra money roughhousing. My guys come with full power armor, personal artillery, and air support. What do your boys play with?
Union Boss: Errr... I... uh, maybe...
Breya: Have a Chupaqueso on your way out. It's on me, okay?
Breya: Oh, I know exactly how boys can be. I'm a mercenary admiral, and I've got a company full of testosterone factories looking to earn some extra money roughhousing. My guys come with full power armor, personal artillery, and air support. What do your boys play with?
Union Boss: Errr... I... uh, maybe...
Breya: Have a Chupaqueso on your way out. It's on me, okay?
Bunni: You said the Medicavi ran off all the doctors. You did not say visiting doctors were getting assaulted by gangs of thugs.
Shep: Oh, no. Did y'all get attacked?
Schlock: No, we got breakfast and it came with free guns.
Shep: Oh, no. Did y'all get attacked?
Schlock: No, we got breakfast and it came with free guns.
Captain Kaepu: Your friends are running headlong into the Uuplechan Patriot Armada.
Doctor Gugro: Oh, tlumnphrot, those idiots. They're going to get themselves killed.
Captain Kaepu: And you must not warn them. Further complicity on your part will make things much worse.
Doctor Gugro: Even if I did care enough to warn them, there's no way the UPA would listen to me.
Captain Kaepu: I meant don't warn your sister, or her mercenary friends.
Doctor Gugro: Not an issue, because they're not in any danger.
Captain Kaepu: Things just got much worse.
Doctor Gugro: Oh, tlumnphrot, those idiots. They're going to get themselves killed.
Captain Kaepu: And you must not warn them. Further complicity on your part will make things much worse.
Doctor Gugro: Even if I did care enough to warn them, there's no way the UPA would listen to me.
Captain Kaepu: I meant don't warn your sister, or her mercenary friends.
Doctor Gugro: Not an issue, because they're not in any danger.
Captain Kaepu: Things just got much worse.
Medic: Hello? Can you hear me, my beautiful creation?
Mugger: Ungh... where am I? Last thing I remember was robbin' some nerdy German tourist in an alley, then... then... Oh God.
Medic: Water under the bridge, mein kleines ungeheuer! Welcome to your new life! As a Halloween decoration!
Mugger: Ungh... where am I? Last thing I remember was robbin' some nerdy German tourist in an alley, then... then... Oh God.
Medic: Water under the bridge, mein kleines ungeheuer! Welcome to your new life! As a Halloween decoration!
— Team Fortress 2: Gargoyles and Gravel
Web Original
But that was not murder. It was clearly self-defense. The fact that I had a submachine gun changes nothing. It just lets me defend more efficiently.
Number two, the opponents. They, and everyone else, must think that they are the ones with the overwhelming advantage, they have to be a little cocky about it as well.
— Reviewer House elaborating his ideal power fantasy
elaborating his ideal power fantasyMobster: Alright, kid, put your hands where I can see 'em.
Ruby Rose: (oblivious)
Mobster: Hey, I said hands in the air! You gotta death wish or somethin'? (grabs her shoulder)
Ruby: Hmm? (removes headphones) Yes?
Mobster: I said, put your hands in the air, now!
Ruby: Are you... robbing me?
Mobster: Yes!
Ruby: (smiles slightly) Ohhh...
Mobster: (Punched Across the Room)
Headphones Music: ♪They see you as small and helpless, They see you as just a child, Surprise when they find out that a Warrior will soon run wild!♪
Ruby Rose: (oblivious)
Mobster: Hey, I said hands in the air! You gotta death wish or somethin'? (grabs her shoulder)
Ruby: Hmm? (removes headphones) Yes?
Mobster: I said, put your hands in the air, now!
Ruby: Are you... robbing me?
Mobster: Yes!
Ruby: (smiles slightly) Ohhh...
Mobster: (Punched Across the Room)
Headphones Music: ♪They see you as small and helpless, They see you as just a child, Surprise when they find out that a Warrior will soon run wild!♪
— RWBY
Yang: Is this everyone?
Shay: (gestures to his gang) Yeah, little girl, this is it. Now, in exchange for my tooth... we're going to take your bike. And you're gonna take your lumps.
(cue Yang kicking their asses)
Shay: (collapsed in the dirt) Who are you?! ...It doesn't even matter. When Raven finds out what you did, you're dead!
Yang: (sighs) Possibly, but I doubt it. I'm her daughter, after all.
Shay: ...I'm dead. (faints)
Shay: (gestures to his gang) Yeah, little girl, this is it. Now, in exchange for my tooth... we're going to take your bike. And you're gonna take your lumps.
(cue Yang kicking their asses)
Shay: (collapsed in the dirt) Who are you?! ...It doesn't even matter. When Raven finds out what you did, you're dead!
Yang: (sighs) Possibly, but I doubt it. I'm her daughter, after all.
Shay: ...I'm dead. (faints)
— RWBY
Mana: Ah, good to hear. How's things been aside from that? Nobody's tried to rob you, have they? I heard that's a big problem around here.
Hrodland: They did ... Once.
Mana: Bet they aren't gonna try again, huh?
Hrodland: They did ... Once.
Mana: Bet they aren't gonna try again, huh?
Western Animation
That was The Joker! I cussed out the Joker!
— Charlie Collins, Batman: The Animated Series, "Joker's Favor"
Bruce Wayne: Who are you?
Payback: I'm your worst nightmare.
Payback: I'm your worst nightmare.
Bruce: You have no idea what my nightmares are like.
— Batman Beyond, "Payback"
AW YEAH! LOOK AT 'CHA! You was poppin' all dat GOOOOD shit a second ago, then you got kicked in yo' chest!
— Tom possessed by Stinkmeaner, The Boondocks
Real Life
Who attacks Glasgow?! One of the suicide bombers was rugby tackled! How tough do you have to be to watch a car plow into a building on fire, a guy gets out in flames, runs across the terminal, and you go "Fuckin' watch this!" (lunges)
— Adam Hills on terrorists
on terroristsI'll see your six and raise you thirty-five!
— "Ser Trude Lacklandia," to a mugger who attacked her with a six-inch switchblade, pulling her two-handed broadsword in response
I fear that all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve.
— Attributed to Naval Marshal General Isoroku Yamamoto, after the attack on Pearl Harbor
