Quotes / Mugging the Monster

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    Comic Books 

I'm telling you that you're in the wrong film, fatboy. You're not in the cowboy film you thought you were. This is a different kind of movie. And you're in the scene where the redneck shitkicker picks on the stranger in town, only it turns out to be Big Arnie or a gang of vampires. I bet you've seen that a million times, cowboy.
King Mob kindly explaining the trope while threatening a Groin Attack, The Invisibles

    Fan Fiction 

Shinji: How come I'm the one with the pack after them? You were ten times as popular as I was, a week after you arrived, miss incredibly-hot-exotic-foreign-transfer-student. I know Touji and Kensuke were making crazy amounts of cash selling beauty shots of you almost right away. Why haven't I had to chase away a pack of boys drooling after you?
Asuka: Because I already had them properly terrified and respectful after I mashed the first two flat when they tried to ask me out the week I got here and refused to take "no" for an answer, [...] Putting a couple of them on the ground with a few punches when they got rough taught the others to keep off.
Advice and Trust, chapter 8

    Film - Live-Action 

That's not a knife. (draws his Bowie knife) This is a knife!
Mike Dundee is unimpressed with a wannabe mugger's switchblade, Crocodile Dundee

Gandalf: I ran into some unsavoury characters whilst travelling along the Greenway. They mistook me for a vagabond.
Thorin: I imagine they regretted that.

Viggo: It's not what you did son, that angers me so. It's who you did to.
Iosef: A fuckin' nobody?
Viggo: That fucking nobody... Is John Wick.

Delinquent: Hey, who do you think you are, huh?
Garth: Just a dumb kid, Hub. Don't kill him.
Hub: Right.
(Hub grabs the kid's throat)
Hub: I'm Hub McCann. I've fought in two World Wars and countless smaller ones on three continents. I led thousands of men into battle with everything from horses and swords to artillery and tanks. I've seen the headwaters of the Nile, and tribes of natives no white man had ever seen before. I've won and lost a dozen fortunes, KILLED MANY MEN and loved only one woman with a passion a FLEA like you could never begin to understand. That's who I am. NOW, GO HOME, BOY!

Erik: Does it ever wake you up at night, Charles? The thought that someday, they might come to take your children from you?
Charles: Yes, it does.
Erik: What do you do?
Charles: I immediately feel a great swell of pity for the poor soul who comes to my school looking for trouble.

Mugger: Hey buddy, can we borrow some cash?
Will: All of ya? Well I've got about a thousand dollars on me, how much would you like to borrow? Five? Ten?


They had the heavy, stolid look of those thugs whose appearance in any narrative means that it's time for the hero to be menaced a bit, although not too much, because it's also obvious that they're going to be horribly surprised.

People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind a rock then say things like, "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else."

Intent to rob, intent to assault, assault, and failing to be selective in your choice of victim. Bad day for you.
Vlad Taltos, Iorich

"You're not impressing anyone," I said.
Oh, I just had to take one look at her expression to see that she was reveling in the irony. She didn't give a damn that the accusations she was directing at me could be turned against her. For her, it was all about the reaction she got out of me. Victories, both big and little. And all the while, she was oblivious to what I was holding back: tens of thousands of bugs, insects and arachnids, worms, centipedes, snails and slugs. I restrained them in the same way I might keep my fist clenched, resisting the urge to swing it at her. It wasn't just the idea of hurting her. That was almost secondary. It was the idea of catching her right now, when she had less of a hold over me than she'd had in years. To see the look on her face in the moment before the bugs forced themselves into her airways. The dawning comprehension, the realization of what she'd brought on herself. One action, and she might experience a share of the fear, the frustration and disgust I'd experienced over the years. The hopelessness, the helplessness in the face of someone with more power to throw around. I could imagine the bugs flowing into her mouth before she thought to cover it, flowing into her nostrils until she covered that. I could imagine the moment she realized she'd have to swallow if she wanted to breathe. I might even dismiss the bugs from flying around between us, just so I'd have a clear visual of it.

In fact, he almost wanted some creepy drunk person to saunter up and start a conversation, just so he could see what would happen. He figured it would inevitably be something surprising, like them turning out to be really fun and perfectly harmless, if a bit over-friendly from the inebriation. And if they tried to kidnap and murder him, well. That would be surprising for them.

    Live-Action TV 

[The Streib's] last expedition was into Minbari space. We tracked them back to their homeworld... and made sure they understood the depth of their mistake.
Ambassador Delenn, "All alone in the night," Babylon 5

Buffy: You ever heard the expression, "biting off more than you can chew?" ...Okay, um, how about the expression "Vampire Slayer?"
Vampire: What the hell are you talking about?
Buffy: Wow. Never heard that one? Okay, how about, "Oh God, my leg, my leg?"
(Sickening "Crunch!")
Vampire: Oh God, my leg! Ah!

Rick: They're going to feel pretty stupid when they find out.
Abraham: Find out what?
Rick: They're screwingnote  with the wrong people.

    Tabletop Games 

As the veteran adventurer Torbras of Westgate put it, "If you accost a barefoot laborer digging in the mud of a turnip field and stained glass golems suddenly lurch out of nearby sheds or the columns of a barn come to life, and gemstones float out of the man's pockets to circle his head and spit lightning at you — well, you've found one of those fabled jewelers of Irl, and likely a swift end to your life, too!"

Faelrae is apparently a Tashalan human but is in truth a song dragon. Ilden seems to be a male Shaaran human but reverts to his true silver dragon form when he feels the need.

That need usually arises either when a wizard decides that Hawkgarth looks ripe for being transformed into his or her domain (there have been several spectacular, midair spell-battles attendant on persuading such individuals that they're mistaken) or when an adventuring band, mercenary company, or (more rarely) neighboring ruler decides that Hawkgarth needs a new form of government — to whit, them.

Hey lads, the moon's rising. All the better to watch him beg for mercy. Just look at him, groveling on all fours! What a pathetic - uh-oh.

    Video Games 

(Jodie, 90-pound 24-year-old girl, has beaten up four frat-boys preying on a homeless man)
Stan: How did you do that?
Jodie: I... I learned how to fight in the army.
Stan: Yeah, but there was four of them, 'gainst one of you.
Jodie: Four assholes. They did not know how to fight.

You are robbed six times before the lighting of the lamps. Well, "robbed" is generous. Anyone who so much as breathes on your pockets suffers a swift beating. Is everyone in this city a villain?

There are people in this world who go about demanding to be killed. You must have noticed them. They quarrel in gambling games. They jump out of their automobiles in a rage. They humiliate and bully people whose capabilities they do not know. These are people who wander through the world shouting, "Kill me." And there's always someone ready to oblige to them.
Vito Corleone, The Godfather


Zephan: (reading Sydney's police record) It looks like she spent a night in jail, she was charged with aggravated assault...
Maxima: Again, unsurprised.
Zephan: It was dismissed as self-defense. Apparently... good lord, someone tried to mug her? Talk about unprofessional, the police report says only "Oh the humanity!"

Attention! Banditry's na tha answer ta yer problems. 'Tis wrong and also dangerous. Ye are surround'd by deadly trees an' ye have na sufficient force ta make a real go of it. One a' these days, yer just gonna end up trying to rob like a level 16 fighter by accident and get massacred.
Durkon Thundershield to a gang of bandits, The Order of the Stick

    Web Original 

(a group of thugs tear up Kami's Lookout)
Garlic Jr. Mmm-heheheh! The view hasn't changed a bit!
Mr. Popo: (nonchalant) Clean that up.
Garlic Jr.: I beg your pardon? Have you an inkling in that simple little head of yours who you're speaking to?
Mr. Popo: Oh please, do go on.
Garlic Jr.: I am the usurper of the once-proud throne your worthless Guardian holds so dear! I am Garlic Jr., returned from the wretch abyss known as the Dead Zone, and I have come for what's rightfully m- what's going on? I don't remember releasing the black mist - OH GOD! NO! NO! GET IT OFF ME! (gibbers in terror as he's consumed by darkness)
Mr. Popo: (watches, smiling)

But that was not murder. It was clearly self-defense. The fact that I had a submachine gun changes nothing. It just lets me defend more efficiently.

Mobster: Alright, kid, put your hands where I can see 'em.
Ruby Rose: (oblivious)
Mobster: Hey, I said hands in the air! You gotta death wish or somethin'? (grabs her shoulder)
Ruby: Hmm? (removes headphones) Yes?
Mobster: I said, put your hands in the air, now!
Ruby: Are you... robbing me?
Mobster: Yes!
Ruby: (smiles slightly) Ohhh...
Mobster: (Punched Across the Room)
Headphones Music: They see you as small and helpless, They see you as just a child, Surprise when they find out that a Warrior will soon run wild!

Mana: Ah, good to hear. How's things been aside from that? Nobody's tried to rob you, have they? I heard that's a big problem around here.
Hrodland: They did ... Once.
Mana: Bet they aren't gonna try again, huh?

    Western Animation 

J-Man: Who do you think you're talking to, old man? We're the Jokerz!
Bruce Wayne: Sure you are.

Bruce Wayne: Who are you?
Payback: I'm your worst nightmare.
Bruce: You have no idea what my nightmares are like.
Batman Beyond, "Payback"

    Real Life 

I fear that all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve.
Attributed to Naval Marshal General Isoroku Yamamoto, after the attack on Pearl Harbor

"I'll see your six and raise you thirty-five!"
"Ser Trude Lacklandia," to a mugger who attacked her with a six inch switchblade, pulling her two-handed broadsword in response.