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Metal Gear

!

What was that noise?

...

Oh... it's just some Metal Gear Narm...
Eight-bit Metal Gear
  • Natasha's amazing Final Speech in Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake. She manages to directly contradict her own ridiculous metaphor, twice.
  • The "deadly poisonous Zanzibar hamsters" (see the ridiculous line in all of its glory on the main Narm.Video Games page).
  • Likewise, "I FEEL ASLEEP!!"
  • "UH OH! THE TRUCK HAVE STARTED TO MOVE!"
  • The owl puzzle, which involved hatching an adult owl from an egg and making it hoot to trick a guard into thinking it's nighttime.
  • Fan Translation: Snake's response to having to beat his best friend to death: "FOX! I'LL KICK YOUR TWISTED MIND OUT OF YOU!"
  • The whole game becomes one long Narm if you're more used to the Solid games. If you are, you will be familiar with Snake as a badass Shell-Shocked Senior-slash-Cool Old Guy and accustomed to the heavy melodrama. It's jarring to pick up a Metal Gear and see exactly what traumatized Snake into Heroic BSOD in Metal Gear Solid.
  • The climactic battle with Gray Fox would have been moving had it not been entirely based around Fox running around you like a chicken with its head cut off and flailing punches every now and again. What makes it even funnier is the way it's retold in the briefing files of Metal Gear Solid when juxtaposed with the actual gameplay:
    In the midst of a minefield, Snake and Fox fought without any weapons. A fist-to-fist duel involving no hatred or murder intent. During that weird moment of purity, the two were bound by forces transcending words and emotion.
    • In Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake, Gray Fox, on his deathbed, talks about his failed relationship with his true love, Natasha. Unfortunately, the words he chooses to describe this make it sound like he's just dreadful in bed. You can't "make a woman happy", Fox? Then, Fox explodes.
  • The placement of the machine gun on Metal Gear D. Seriously, what is it with Kojima putting weapons and stuff on robot's dicks? Or giving them dicks to begin with (see REX and Jehuty)?
  • One of the bosses is called Red Blaster...and he doesn't wear a single speck of red on him. And if you're aware that he's Russian, it's still Narmy, since what Russian would proudly claim themselves "Red" in such a fashion?
  • The simple fact that what does Big Boss in is an Aerosol Can/Lighter combo. Mind you, this is the guy who survived taking several rockets to the chest at the end of the original game, and lived through far worse in the prequels.

Metal Gear Solid/The Twin Snakes
  • Each of the alternate endings in the original Metal Gear Solid had a handful, so there was no escape. Upon failing to save Meryl, Snake - sounding on the edge of tears for the first time so far - rants at himself for being too selfish to save her; it's genuinely moving until he cries, "I'm a loser!" If he rescues her, you then get to sit through one of the most gloriously cheesy romantic scenes ever written.
    "It's so beautiful. The sky, the snow, the caribou...and...most of all... you."
  • The usage of stock footage in both Baker's and Otacon's long speeches. It completely pulls me away from the action in that "...Did they actually USE THAT?" sort of manner.
  • The Twin Snakes had awful facial expressions, especially when you consider that MGS2 contained some strikingly subtle ones three years prior (for a good example, watch Snake's face during Emma's death scene). Snake, in TTS, has a permanent facial expression of mildly-annoyed confusion, which is all the more hilarious because it unintentionally suits his character. It hits rock bottom when Gray Fox is being crushed by Liquid, and Snake gives an impassioned scream of FOOOOOOOOOOOOX! - his face looks so terrible that it becomes immediately funny. And the Say My Name abuse was funny in itself.
    • The scene immediately before becomes Narmful too, if you're a psychopath who enjoys mashing the Square button to hear Snake complaining. "No! I can't do it! -" "AFTER ZANZIBAR - " "It's no good! I can't do it! -" "I WAS TAKEN FROM THE BATTLE - " "No! I can't do it! It's no good! I can't do it!" - "AN UNDYING SHADOW - " etcetera.
    • While the inability of a professional killer to Shoot the Dog, having learned from his past mistakes, is arguably powerful, try destroying the radome with your last missile. Snake's dialogue changes to reflect this: "It's no good! I'm out of missiles!" So much for character development, Snake.
    • Also in the Gamecube version, we have Ocelot's face as he notices that his arm's been chopped off. It looks more like the kind of face you'd see in a Dreamworks movie.
  • Anything involving Liquid and genes.
    • "SNAKE . . . did you like my sunglaahhhhhses?"
      • Liquid's, er... 'British accent' in general in the original MGS. One of the few bits of narm that was arguably improved for Twin Snakes.
  • The Cyborg Ninja (Gray Fox) fight yet. It's hard to concentrate since Gray Fox seems to be having an orgasm from the fight.
    "Now, make me feel it! Make me feel alive again!" (a few punches later...) "That's good, Snake!" (a few punches more...) "HURT ME MORE!!!" (a few punches after that) "MORE!!! MORE!!!"
  • The DARPA Chief, Anderson, dies of an apparent heart attack right in front of Snake, complete with trying to voice his final words while clutching at Snake's shirt. After he falls to the ground, Snake takes his pulse, and simply says, "Huh. Dead." Funnily enough, Snake's justifiably freaked out in the codec conversation immediately afterward.
  • The conversation between Otacon and Snake in the elevator of invisible soldiers is rather scary, with the music growing in intensity...right up until Otacon leans into the screen and starts screaming at Snake to get out while the music swells in volume. There's just something about Otacon screaming combined with his zoomed in, terrified face that is hilarious.
  • The fully animated Briefing cutscene in The Twin Snakes. It starts off fairly sedate, until Snake rather animatedly gestures and flails about while speaking in a manner well out of character for him. At one point, Snake leans on the waist high examining table after taking in a Wham Line, apparently unaware of how ridiculous he looks mooning the camera. Of course this was probably meant as fanservice.
  • "A rat must have eaten it!"
    "Now who's being ridiculous?"
  • Snake's wonderful description of why it's unlikely that Liquid would survive:
    "He'll be sliced up faster than an onion on an infomercial."
    • This is changed in The Twin Snakes to "He'd have been cut to ribbons by the rotor blades."
  • "Can love bloom Snake? Even on a battlefield?"
  • "Snake? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!?"
  • "A surveillance camera?!"
  • Contrast and compare: Exhibit A: Colonel Trautman in Rambo 3 being electrocuted on a metal bed- pained expression with suppressed cries of pain. Exhibit B: Solid Snake in Metal Gear Solid being electrocuted on a metal bed- NNNNNNAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
  • The death of Sniper Wolf. Her long speech wouldn't have been unintentionally amusing if she hadn't stated at the beginning that she had been shot in the lung.
    • To add to that, Wolf magically ending up with a shot up lung even if you spent the entirety of that battle blasting her with Nikita rockets.
  • How could nobody have mentioned the ladder instructions, yet?!
  • This is more of a generational Narm, but… If you played the later installments first, then went to the original Metal Gear Solid, you won't be able to take it seriously. At all. Why? BECAUSE NOBODY HAS A GODDAMN FACE.
    • This gets even more funny when you play MGS4 and obtain a camo mask of Snake's PS1 face, jagged textures and all.
    • If Meryl hadn't said "oh gross!" upon seeing Mantis unmasked, it would be pretty hard to tell that he was supposed to be horribly deformed.
  • Snake's echoing death scream, which you'll have heard so many times by the end of the PS1 version you'll be ready to chuck your controller at the screen. "YAAAH...yaaah...yaaah..."
  • Nothing screws up the mood of a duel between Solid Snake and Gray Fox like the onlooker (Otacon) proclaiming that "THIS IS JUST LIKE ONE OF MY JAPANESE ANIMES!"
  • Snake describing Metal Gear Rex as "A Nuclear Equipped Walking Deathmobile".
  • "I LOVE to reload during a battle! There's nothing like the feeling of slamming a long, silver bullet into a well-greased chamber." Not to mention Kenneth Baker moaning in the background...
    • The above was removed from The Twin Snakes. Whether that's better or worse is up to you...
  • Vulcan Raven's line: "The raven on my head thirsts for his blood!"
  • Gray Fox using the codename "Deepthroat". If you're not familiar with the Watergate Scandal (or fell asleep when Snake mentions it) it can illicit a giggle or two for other reasons instead.
    ?: "Just call me 'Deepthroat'."
    Snake: "'Deepthroat?' The informant from the Watergate scandal?"
    ?: "Uh... yeah."
  • The fact that Campbell hurriedly tells you about the F-16s being shot down by (get this) a Hind D falls a bit flat when Snake and Colonel notice that very same helicopter in a prior cutscene. Colonel mentions it in a codec conversation in the vents as if the player didn't see said cutscene.
    Snake: A Hind D...Colonel, what's a Russian gunship doing here?
    Colonel Campbell: I have no idea. But it looks like our little diversion got their attention.
    *Practically a few minutes later...*
    Campbell: You're not gonna believe this, but they shot down the F-16s we were using as a diversion, with a HIND D!
  • The white Cyborg Ninja/Gray Fox is voiced by the black Greg Eagles, who, while he tries hard, badly conceals his African-American baritone with a bizarre high-pitched rasp that destroys the drama in most of his scenes. It's especially jarring since he does such a good job voicing Gray Fox's codec alter ego, Deepthroat. The Twin Snakes fixed this by recasting the role with Rob Paulsen, who does an awesome job.
  • Revolver Ocelot is menacing right up 'til the moment that Naomi says that he's "totally obsessed with spaghetti westerns and cowboy movies". And then the Cyborg Ninja comes out of nowhere and hacks his arm off. It isn't until the end of the second game that Ocelot gets any of his man cards back.
  • The Twin Snakes is absolutely loaded with narm, especially the "airplane noises" as Chip Cheezum calls them. Other interesting bits include the new cutscene duel between Grey Fox and Snake after the boss fight with Revolver Ocelot (which features, among other things, cartoonish tire squealing sounds when Snake is knocked backwards) and Snake's reaction to Kenneth Baker forgetting Meryl's Codec number turning from a rather sedate "Damn!" to sudden screaming, flailing, stumbling, and aiming a gun at his head in anger.
  • In the original Metal Gear Solid 1, right after exiting the communications tower, Snake gets shot by Sniper Wolf. A moment later, he gets up... and then promptly kneels down in the open field to take a codec call. The Twin Snakes mercifully fixed this nonsense by having Wolf's initial bullet miss Snake by a few inches, and then Snake wisely diving behind a tree for cover and then taking his codec call.
  • Snake's victory over the M1 Tank in Twin Snakes goes from the original's immediate cut to exploding tank and dying gunner to starting with Snake unpinning a grenade, holding it for a good 5 seconds, and pitching it baseball style right down the barrel of the tank with ludicrous accuracy. Wha.
  • One improvement Twin Snakes made was giving more voiceovers to the Genome Soldiers which is good. Of course (its more of a Hey, It's That Voice! example) it gets a bit irksome for some when one of the V As for the Genome soldiers is Scott Menville, which makes it pretty jarring when you end up getting seen and having backup sicced on you by Lloyd Irving. The same thing happens in MGS3 here Menville voices both an Ocelot soldier, a random scientist NPC and a Soviet radio officer in the ending.

Metal Gear Solid 2
  • Whenever someone says "La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo" in Metal Gear Solid 2, it undermines the drama of the scene. The voice actors had a decent stab at appropriate enunciation, at least. The same can't be said of the excruciatingly corny Russian accents.
    • Olga Gurlukovich's Russian accent is right up there with Tim Curry's Romanian accent in Congo.
    • The La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo thing makes a cameo in Super Smash Bros. Brawl in all its deadpan glory (at least in the English version). It's in Snake's codec of Luigi.
      • Said Brawl Codec also mocks the death scream:
        "Colonel? COLONELLLLLLLLL!"
  • MGS2 also had Jack and Rose's relationship drama, which, despite aiming for meaningful and moving, has been known to send many gamers into fits of hysterics. The favorite whipping-boy of these conversations is the one about Raiden's room and the infamous "empty like your heart!!!" line. Rose repeatedly attempts to get Jack to recall why the, er, Arc Date April 30th is important to her; while some of her nagging was intended to be funny, it meant that, when it took a darker turn, it got funnier.
    • There's also the classic Raiden delivery of "We've managed to avoid drowning!" as if it's something to be terribly, terribly proud of.
      Campbell: There's a terminal in front of the elevator, a node.
      Raiden: Did you say "nerd"?
      • The 'nerd' line is supposed to be significant. A major part of Metal Gear Solid 2's subtext is that the gamer is fantasizing about being Solid Snake as much as Raiden is, and the node at the start of the game is where you input your name and other details. The intention is that you are the "nerd." However, the way it's delivered makes Raiden sound like a raging jackass.
    • Apparently, the narm of the MGS series has reached the point that things like having a terrorist squad with a freaking vampire who can run up a building, a woman who can't be hit by bullets who had a backstory worthy of a character from Berserk and a fat demolition expert that runs around on roller skates drinking wine through a bendy straw are par for the course.
  • "By the way, Jack, I was the one who killed your parents."
    • Directly ripped from legitimately dramatic revelation in the previous game, where Gray Fox has good reason to be holding back the fact that he adopted Naomi Hunter as an orphan because he had killed her parents during the Mozambique civil war. It lacks the potential drama here since it comes out of nowhere and is completely pointless.
  • While all of the above are good points, they don't touch the glory that is Stillman- not even Rose. "I killed mah SOUL!" "This is the only way I can defuse mah sins!" Even without the shouting, how can we take his dramatic confession seriously anymore if he drops a bad bomb-related pun like that? (He's an explosives expert who taught Fatman but still.)
  • "I need scissors! 61!!" This one is likely intentional, but come on.
  • "Don't test it! You'll be bacon!"
  • "But WHY?!"
  • "I'm afraid of the night!"
  • The entire sequence surrounding Emma's death. What should be a legitimately tragic moment is completely ruined by Emma's fighting game knock out triple scream, random slow motion for no reason, the constant, incredibly sappy piano music, showing that sending Emma over the pontoon bridge alone was moronic and pointless since Raiden seems to effortlessly run across, Snake's incompetence about computers which probably is supposed to be funny but is very poorly placed, and above all else, Christopher Randolph's ridiculous acting.
    • The fact that he kept screaming "E.E.!! E.Eeee!!" didn't help. Writers, a tip — "E. E." is a horribly lame nickname as it is, and holds up even worse when screamed out loud since it makes Otacon sound like a monkey half the time. Seriously, was there any reason why he couldn't have at least used her actual name in this scene?
      • What makes this more narmy is that Emma actually asks Otacon to call her by her actual name. And, with the darkest comedic timing possible, he asks her "what's wrong with E.E.?" and she immediately drops dead.
    • It's even harder to take seriously if you're on a playthrough were Raiden and Snake are wearing sunglasses. Especially the moment where the camera shows all three and everyone has glasses on, since Otacon's the only who needs glasses anyways.
    • Nothing makes it worse than actually being moved by her death. E.E. dies and, despite the tense atmosphere followed by a badass Power Walk, the mood lasts about 5 fricking seconds — Otacon then narms it up with "E.E.?! DAMN!!" at her parrot, before he and Snake do the campest handshake ever.
  • Raiden throwing away the dogtags that have the player entered information printed on them is supposed to be symbolic of him separating himself from the player and make the player wonder if the person going through the S3 plan was Raiden or themselves. However, this is somewhat undercut if, like some players, you decide to abuse the Hello, Insert Name Here potential by entering something like "Suck My Dick" or "Boner Patrol."
    • Or, heck, something belonging to an in-game character. Adds a certain bit of confusion to Raiden's claim that he's never heard of the name written on the tags before.
  • During codec conversations, feel free to press R1 or R2 to hear the (positive and negative respectively) thoughts of whoever you're playing as. Sometimes its hilarious pressing R2 just to hear Raiden shout "Whatever!" just before fast forwarding a conversation you don't wanna hear. Especially from Rose. In fact, one fun thing for players to try is randomly tap R2, and if Raiden does indeed shout "Whatever!" then fastforward through the whole thing.
  • The Metal Gear Rays' roars. Okay, it's supposed to be scary but does it need to roar like a dinosaur?
  • Vamp's tongue licking before the fight is kinda narmish.
  • In one of the game's death animations, Campbell shouts Raiden's name, sounding like he's calling him for dinner.
  • If Vamp wasn't bad enough, there's Fortune. If your character's every other word is a shrill nagging about how they want to die, don't expect them to be taken seriously. hiimdaisy nails the narm:
    Fortune: Finish me off — like you finished off my father!
    Raiden: But I don't even—
    Fortune: I'M SORRY WHAT WAS THAT I COULDN'T HEAR YOU OVER MY TRAGIC PAST.
  • The ludicrously whiny way Raiden shouts "400 seconds?!" when Stillman confirms the Strut A bomb's timer (The timer varies with difficulty but most players play the game on Normal and get 400 seconds as a result.) Combine that with how Stillman insists on measuring the timer in seconds instead of minutes.

Metal Gear Solid 3, Portable Ops
  • As legendary a soldier as she is, The Boss can make some AWFUL puns. "And when he does (wake up) it will be The End for the boy."
  • Volgin. His lightning powers are no match for the fact that he is a fucking James Bond villain.
    • Failing to get information out of your target it reasonable. Getting so wrapped up in torturing him that you give him all your information is different. What should have been a dramatic interrogation scene that advances the plot only manages to hit two out of three points. Guess which two.
    • Volgin's best Bond Villain moment is right before he lowers you both into the pit, a great moment of ridiculous nonsense in and of itself. Hiimdaisy's comic summed it up well: "Fine. I will explain the entire plot before we fight and I lose."
    • Volgin's angry tantrums whenever the Boss reports the death of the Cobras are humorous. Yes, he's pissed off at their uselessness, but they'd be taken more seriously if they didn't amount to, "WHAT?! THE WEIRD GUY THAT CONTROLS BEES IS DEAD?! I'M GOING TO PUNCH THIS WALL!"
    • The boss fight against Volgin starts seriously and gets dumber as you progress. You shoot and CQC him. He survives, pilots the Shagohod and survives to an explosion. When Volgin finally catches up with Snake and Eva, he is furious with the former but will attack Eva if she makes fun of how he is at bed. Exactly, a tank starts following a motorcycle. During this time, Snake takes advantage of how dumb Volgin is and shoots him... It doesn't kill him! Heck, Volgin looks angrier. Then right out of nowhere Mother Nature (and The Sorrow) attack Volgin with a lightning bolt for no reason.
  • The game has an example similar to the Cardcaptor Sakura one noted in Narm.Anime. It would be much easier to take The Boss seriously if she wasn't voiced by Diane Simmons. (Though it didn't make her any less badass.)
  • The theme song, "Snake Eater", done in a James Bond-esque style, is both Crowning Music of Awesome and Narm at the same time. The music is great, but the lyrics contain lines like "Some day you go through the rain, some day you feed on a tree frog...." The incredible corniness is part of what makes it so good.
    • As well as the title— "Snake Eater"... well, we'll let you guess what "snake" is code for in porn.
    • There's a reason that when the theme starts playing halfway through the final boss battle, it starts off as an instrumental-only version.
  • Some of Ocelot's cred as a hyper-Badass is undermined by MGS3 when he calls for support.
    ''MRRRROWR!'
  • The scene after the Ocelot boss battle. The Pain's hornets come out of nowhere and all of Ocelot's men start running and screaming like girls while Ocelot himself kills the hornets coming his way by twirling his guns, all the while keeping a straight face.
    • The Pain, himself. His Power Ranger introductory dance removes any possibility of taking him seriously from the moment you see him pose.
  • The Fear seems to have some sort of specialized Narm Tourette's involving saying the word "FFFEAR FEARF-F-FFFEEEEEEARR" to help add some derp to his otherwise creepy persona.
  • Big Boss' little reaction/thinking noises. Hrm. Hrm? Grrm. Mrm? Hmm! Ergm. Mrughm? Hnrgm. Murgh? Grm!
  • The scene where Snake, disguised as Raikov, is caught by Volgin and The Boss, and the latter asks "What is this fairy disguise?". And let's not forget that just a few seconds ago we saw Volgin see through the disguise by grabbing Snake's crotch, and it is realized that Volgin isn't exactly what he seems. And then we go from Narm to one of the most horrifying and gruesome torture scenes ever!
  • "You are above even the Boss. I hereby award you the title Big Boss." Utterly kills the mood of the final scene. Big Boss seems to agree, too - he refuses to actually accept the title until the end of the next game. Or the one after.
    • Throughout the game, there are moments where you can press R1 to see a cutscene in first-person. Some of these moments are not indicated. This is likely because pressing R1 as you're being awarded the title of Big Boss at the White House and seeing Ocelot, in full GRU dress, doing his finger-pistol thing at you through the window on your first playthrough would have utterly undermined the rest of the story.
  • The death of The End is made much less dramatic when his dentures fly out of his mouth. That it happens mid-sentence is just icing on the silly cake.
    "What a splendid way to end it all. I have no regrets. I can return to the foremrrfmrmurf" *BOOM*
  • During the scene at the end of Metal Gear Solid 3 when Ocelot is fighting Snake as EVA is trying to stabilize the WiG cargo plane, that Ocelot had just fired a bullet into the engine of, she says, "Not good!" I'm sorry but that that one line came off as soundly terribly silly, the tone of voice EVA delivers the line in sounds like she is forcing out a turd or something and the sheer wallbanger territory the line reaches when you realize how obvious it is that the situation is not good, Snake is fighting Ocelot in a fist fight without the aid of a gun to protect himself if things go south and the plane all three of you are in is about to crash... OF COURSE THINGS ARE NOT GOOD! The overall scene is an incredibly awesome fight between Snake and Ocelot and serves as great character development between the two and shines some light on later revelations about Big Boss and Ocelot in Metal Gear Solid 4, but EVA's line and the delivery of it makes it somewhat narmful.
    • The worst thing is, it's as if they got her Japanese voice actress to say this line in English, rather than her American VA.
  • Boss' reveal of her self performed cesarean section scar. The story behind it is more effectively dramatic, but the way she rips her shirt open like she's a flasher is less so.
    • Hell, the scar itself is Narmish. Big Boss notes that the scar marks her as a mother. It also marks her (who ended up being her own performing surgeon) as woefully uninformed about human anatomy.
    • Adding to the Narm: fair enough that The Boss shows Snake the scar... why exactly didn't she do up her shirt again afterwards?
  • The End's eyeball popping out of his head comically at the start of his sniping duel with Snake was just ridiculous.
  • The Fulton Surface-to-Air Recovery System. YOU'RE STRAPPING PEOPLE TO BALLOONS. Its real but still.
    • No less badass for it, as Batman has proven. But in Peace Walker when they can extract soldiers even in doors? ... what?
  • The Shagohod. Not the thing itself, the name. It's easy to forget how scary the concept is when it has a name which wouldn't look out of place in an Austin Powers film.
    • Well, what do you know? The HD edition gives you a trophy called "Shagedelic" if you defeat it.
  • That scene where Ocelot rebels and basically tells Volgin to go fuck himself falls a bit flat when Ocelot spits "Fight like a man, Volgin!", not using his title of "Colonel" but pronouncing Volgin's name right. Then Volgin incredulously replies back with "Volgin?!"...but pronouncing it "Vol-jin", proving he's a doofus who can't even pronounce his own name correctly. That, or everybody else has been saying it wrong, and he's been too busy punching holes in walls and completely failing at interrogation to bring it up.
  • Naked Snake's conversation with EVA about his relationship with The Boss. Snake responds with, "She was like my mother, and my master." EVA responds with, "And your lover?" While it's meant to be a touching scene showing that Snake doesn't want to go through with the mission, EVA's response makes her sound like a moron and/or gives Unfortunate Implications. Even if she hasn't had any meaningful relationships in her life, no one would immediately jump to saying a man and a woman he considered to be his mother to be "lovers".
  • As mentioned above, Scott Menville voices a few NPCs, including the harmless scientists in the Granin lab and Groznyj Grad. Its more funny than anything holding a knife to one's throat demanding information and hearing Robin/Lloyd Irving whimpering like a kid.

Peace Walker
  • To receive a lower age rating for the Japanese version of Peace Walker, Konami replaced the electric torture with laughing rods. No wonder why Kojima was so pissed off after learning about this.
    • "Your next laugh will be your last!"
    • As one Youtube commenter said, "It sounds like he's playing with a broken vibrator". Thanks a bunch for the mental image!
  • Peace Walker. Snake corners Zadornov, who, in a final act of defiance on his deathbed, shoots a peace sign at Snake with his robotic hand, screams "ROCKET... PEACE!", and shoots it at Big Boss's eye.
  • Any time Paz opens her mouth.
    • Her commentary on the final boss battle: 'Soon, you will witness TRUUUUE HEEEELL!!!'
    • You will never hear a name so ridiculous as Pacifica Ocean. And this is a game where the main antagonist is named Hot. Coldman.
  • The sheer amount of times they say 'peace', 'deterrence', 'compas', etc., is enough that one would need to make a drinking game to keep track of it all.
  • Any facial expression Coldman makes. Ever. Rape Face doesn't even come close to describing it.
    • The very name Hot Coldman qualifies as Narm to English speakers. It might be a good pun and sound cool to Japanese gamers, but there's no one in America, let alone the CIA, who's first name is Hot.
      • Speaking of names, Kojima really sucks at them. How many Johns does a series need?
  • The scene where Snake meets Cecile. Let's see: Snake is asking an attractive, half-naked frenchwoman to come back to his place where she can have all the cigarettes she wants. Nope, everything seems COMPLETELY innocent here~!
    • Bilingual Bonus if you know french: Cecile has quite a strong anglophone accent for a native french speaker. Also, for someone lost in the woods trying not to let her kidnappers catch her, the way she reacts to meeting a total strange...
    • And so is Big Boss's answer "Stop playing hide and seek, tell me who you are."
  • The placement of the flame-thrower on Peace Walker.
  • Now this is just a big case of Hey, It's That Voice! and not a fault of the game itself, but Amanda Libre is voiced by Grey DeLisle. The problem with voice actors is that once you learn who does what voice, all of the characters that they do the voice of start to sound the same. That's right, you're listening toVicky scream out "SNAAAAAAAAAKE!!!" in complete anguish.
  • Speaking of Game Over scenes, sometimes you'll end up with Cecile begging Snake to get up which is tense...until Cecile desperately squeals "I'll even do a quetzal for you!" and just makes generic bird whistling noises...which are subtitled as "Kyoooooh, kyoooooh." Its more hilarious than anything, keeping in tradition really.
  • The way Big Boss shouts "Bullshit!" after the Chrysalis battle in response to Miller talking to him about fighting an AI modelled after The Boss. It sounds more funny if anything, more so since we're unaccustomed to hearing David Hayter use harsher swearwords.
  • Some vehicles, especially helicopters, will unleash salvos of explosives even in the stealth section of a fight. This is fair enough, it would be a valid "flush them out" intimidation tactic. But when their missiles sometimes hit the ground support troops by mistake? That's just cruel, chopper pilot.

Metal Gear Solid 4
  • Metal Gear Solid 4 has Raiden whining that "It even rained the day I was born...". That line's pure OTT emo whether or not it was rasped out matter-of-factly or shouted.
    • Snake's response was arguably worse: "You've got it all wrong! You were the lightning in that rain! You can still shine through the darkness!" Careful Snake, you'll make Otacon jealous...
  • The hilarious scene where Otacon breaks down in tears while watching Naomi's final transmission. It would've been sad if he weren't clutching to his chest, of all the goddamn things in the world, a MacBook Pro.
  • Gekkos. While it has its basis in Japan's history dating World War II, it's rather embarrassing that the toughest enemies in the game sound like cattle.
  • Snake's impassioned cry of "LIIIIIQQQQQQQQUUUUUUUIIIIIIIDDDD!" during the final fight.
    • The fact that it looks like he's crotch thrusting adds to it.
    • Every other time he shouts the name, he grunts it out as fast as possible. "LIQID!"
  • Raging Raven/Beauty's crazy speech that establishes her personal fears and psychoses is ruined by one line: "The Ravens are pecking at my flesh! And my soul!" The speech is perfectly fine and disturbing otherwise.
    • Her screaming out "RAAAAAAAGE! RAAAAAAAAAGE!".
    • Whereas Laughing Beauty's speech is ruined right at the outset, as it begins with "I...am an octopus. An EIGHT LEGGED BEAST!"
    • There's also the part right after where she vomits ink. It would have been perfectly acceptable if she didn't keep vomiting for like five or six seconds straight without her stopping for breath or, indeed, without the ink-vomit ever receding.
    • Also during Raging Raven's fight, when you manage to get her out of her robotic suit, she begins ranting, and it's kind of creepy. Then you get an R1 (first person view during cutscene) moment when she turns away from Snake, and he's looking directly at her well-shaped but fucking crazy ass.
  • The backstories of the members of the Beauty and the Beast Unit were too over the top to take seriously. Except for Crying Wolf's and Raging Raven's.
    • Laughing Octopus's story is perfectly creepy if you just roll with it (hey, theoretically, it could happen). And then comes the bit about the spilled blood of the torture victims turning ink black. You-u-u lost me there, Drebin.
    • Some can't help but to laugh after hearing some of their backstories, simply because they were so implausible; Drebin's over-dramatic delivery just heightened the Narm. One almost expects more melodramatic things from them.
    (Done in a husky, over-dramatic Drebin impression) "She had a doll, a doll she loved. And one day the soldiers came and raped the doll. The pain was so great, the doll caught fire. And then it exploded. The explosion burned down her village, and killed her grandmother. And to this day, she carries the ashes of that doll. That, Snake, is why she's a crazy overpowered Fembot."
    • The inherent seriousness of the situation and the somber music just added to the Narminess.
      • See here for a Drebin Mad Libs generator.
    • Octopus hating cult...
  • The B&B Unit in general. They're a squad of weaponised furries.
    • Their little imaginary companions? Tulpas.
  • When Naomi dies, what would have been an extraordinarily sad scene is ruined because Otacon is present in the form of a little robot that flails in a cutesy manner as Otacon is crying.
    • Her dying words are spoken outside the hearing range of Otacon and Snake.
      • "Hey, come back you bastards, I'm not finished dying yet!" Snake and Otacon have a big emotional moment and drive off into the sunset together before she even lost consciousness! Charming.
      • What gets me is how, the moment her nanomachines are suppressed, the cancer kills her. Super cancer to the rescue!
      • Worse than that: nanomachines, which the game consistently assigns near magically omnipotent properties, somehow could only "hold back" the cancer, rather than kill the cancerous cells and cure it entirely.
    • What killed the scene was how hammy she was being as she died. It's like Snake and Otacon were unaware that she was dying so she forced them to pay attention to her.
    • Rather than reflexively reaching out toward the dying Naomi, Otacon must be using the unquestionably complex remote controls to manipulate the robot into a simulation of a simple human gesture. It kills the drama when it is understood that the character, by necessity, must be making a conscious and complicated effort to create the appearance of an instinctive human reaction.
  • Examples of Narm that happen repeatedly:
    1. Meryl mentions "the System."
    2. Snake says "huh?" or repeats what was said back. (If a coin was given to Charity every time he said "huh?" then there would be no need for charity anymore).
  • The whole scene with one-armed Raiden illogically deciding to hold a WARSHIP IN PLACE (so it wouldn't crush Snake) when he could have (considering his implied strength at this point) picked up Snake and taken him to safety.
    • None of this makes the sheer ridiculousness of the scene any lesser. The ship was going through concrete. No matter how powerful or durable Raiden's cyborg body is supposed to be, putting it between the ship and the dock wouldn't stop the ship from going forward. At best Raiden would be unharmed but the ground beneath his feet would keep getting destroyed. You don't need to know much anything about physics for this to realize that immediately. And this is if we ignore how fricking ridiculous the idea of anything man sized being able to stop a damn tanker is in the first place. There are cool breaks from reality, then there're suspension of disbelief shattering breaks from reality. Yours is made of steel if it didn't break into laughter at that point.
  • Then there is the cutscene immediately preceding the final hand-to-hand battle between Old Snake and Ocelot: while the beginning of the cutscene and the interactive portion of the battle keep two geezers beating the crap out of each other outside the realm of Narm, it goes completely to hell once Snake collapses and has to use his syringe to get back on his feet. After some more fighting, OCELOT collapses and uses ANOTHER syringe to get back up. After some more fighting, BOTH men collapse and use their respective syringes AT THE SAME TIME. Then after some MORE fighting they start collapsing and STAB EACH OTHER with the syringes. Yeah, don't try this at home, kids.
    • While most of the fight choreography was pretty solid, there were two moments that made this player giggle with insane glee. The fist is a birds-eye-view of Liquid whaling on Snake. Too much emphasis, maybe? The second is a bizarre flying body slam from Snake that suggests he graduated from the William Shatner school of CQC (which predictably Ocelot counters by... catching him).
    • Seriousness dies when Ocelot kisses Snake for some reason in the middle of the fight while romantic music plays. It even gets you a trophy!
  • During the microwave scene, Snake's prominent buttocks glow.
    • His entire Octo-Camo was glowing; the color was fleshlike enough to make it seem that Snake was in a bunch of leather straps.
    • Speaking of the microwave hallway, that whole sequence was incredibly dramatic until the PIP screen cut to Sunny dancing in front of her stove.
    • "Is it a good idea to microwave this?"
  • Snake describing the Outer Haven ship as a 'Death Star.'
  • Naomi's final speech. "We wished to free the captured foxes. To let them run free in the wild."
    • Especially considering she's standing in front of BIRDS
  • After the mighty Crowning Moment Of Awesome where Rex and Ray fight it out, there's a thoroughly ridiculous scene where Snake falls over and Ocelot's plan is seemingly to run off while laughing like a twit. It's like a militarised Benny Hill routine.
  • Two words: Mount Snakemore.
  • When the time comes for Liquid Ocelot to demonstrate his "Guns of the Patriots" plan, his choice of executing it is without compare: Using his fingers as guns and shouting "bang" a whole bunch. The scene where he uses his fingers as machine guns, making machine gun noises as his troops waste the opposing armies, is the stuff of a thousand animated gifs.
  • Ocelot's English performance in this game can be ridiculous when yells "BROTHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Its a shame Cam Clarke couldn't return as Liquid but dear god did Patric Zimmerman go beyond the call of duty to give players what they wanted from him.
  • The epilogues. Dear lord. If the endless ramblings about zeros and hundreds and whatever didn't make that part impossible to take seriously, then the "Like a scene from The Beauty and the Beast" line definitely killed the next one.
  • The fight between Raiden and Vamp is intense and gripping. But think about it this way: Raiden and Vamp are in a swordfight that's causing Raiden to spray white bodily fluids everywhere.
    • Speaking of which, why is Vamp always licking his knives even when there's no blood on them? When Vamp first captures Raiden, he stabs him in the chest and licks the "white blood" off the blade. ...Maybe we're thinking about this too hard.
    • Even sillier is during the fight when Raiden ends up with two Gekko strapping wires to his feet, he starts breakdance-spin-kicking on his head upside down whilst spinning said Gekko around., The imagery is just plain ridiculous and so over the top anime that not laughing is impossible.
  • And of course, it just gets more obscene with the unlockables on the New Game+, particularly the tuxedo and facecamo: You can watch Drebin talk to himself, watch Otacon sneak around like James Bond, and if you're good enough to get it, you can even see Snake replaced by the char-grilled corpse of Solidus.
  • "It's the FROGs!"
    • The fact that they are called FROGs is narmy itself. Ocelot doesn't seem to have a lot of faith in his private army if he's going to name them after an animal that are known to get eaten by snakes.
  • Brilliant though the RAY fight is, one of the special attacks is a bit... unusual. There's an animation where REX jumps on top of a grounded RAY, then leaps off, bombarding RAY with lasers. Metal Gear REX's laser cannon is situated between his thighs. One or both of them will probably be squealing while this is going on.
  • Your iPod can cause severe Soundtrack Dissonance, such as, in the first level, playing what is essentially elevator music while people are being murdered by Gekkos.
  • Snake's body doesn't ragdoll properly when he's knocked back by something, leading to his body rigidly falling to the floor. It's quite hilarious actually.
  • The final appearance of armless Raiden (carrying his sword in his teeth) is already a bit narmy, let alone how he only saved Snake because all of the FRO Gs dropped their guns to advance at an excruciatingly slow pace toward the almost totally paralyzed enemy with their machetes. But it gets worse when the duo pause to have a bromantic, sappy scene about how Raiden still has his youth and should let Snake go through the microwave hallway....and the two remaining FRO Gs were standing just out of shot the whole time, staring at them.
  • The cutscene after the epic Metal Gear fight near the end of Act 4: An injured snake, having fucked his arm up mid fight watches as Liquid Ocelot joyfully runs out of his reach whilst turning around and giggling and pointing like a school playground bully. Its even more worth it for the too-fast jerky, almost comical way Snake limps at him, clutching his fucked up arm.
  • Whenever you beat the BB Corps' Beast forms, you then have to deal with their Beauty forms trying to hug you to death. What propels this into narm is if you try to run away from them, you can literally see them powerwalking towards you with their arms outstretched for a hug. It's ridiculous looking, they look more like comical hug-hungry zombies!

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance
  • Let's face it, the whole VGA trailer was this. Doesn't stop the action from being Crazy Awesome, though.
  • Senator Armstrong lives and breathes narm. Though it seems to be intentional and at least partly self-aware satire of the series itself.
  • The subtitle "Revengeance" is either one of the most-ludicrous-yet-coolest portmanteaus ever or just silly.
  • Raiden's reaction (or lack of) to having his left arm severed? "Not again!" Yes, he's a cyborg from the jaw down, but come on!
  • Raiden's really been Snake-ing it up in this game. Sometimes, it's hard to not cringe when you hear him like that. Even more so when falls off high ground. Though most of his "Snake" voice is only done when he's being Jack The Ripper.
  • Sam chastising Raiden for being a hypocritical murderer: "You chopped them up into hamburger!"
  • When Sam receives damage his voice actor gives a weird delivery. It feels like if Sam is going through a reverse puberty.
  • Raiden's exclamation of "THE MEMES" and all the various discussions of such, given the meaning most people associate with the word.
  • Occasionally, some characters have pauses in their lines that really aren't necessary.
    Raiden: What do you want with the Prime Minister?!
    Sundowner: I want him......dead.

Metal Gear Solid V
  • Kiefer Sutherland's delivery of Snake's Catch Phrase comes across as this, given that it sounds rushed.
    Big Boss: Keptyouwaitnheh?
    • Sutherland in general has a weird slur that muddles many of his lines.
    Big Boss: She survaif?
  • For the most part, The Dev Team Thinks of Everything as is standard for Metal Gear, and will change small parts of the story if you decide to, for instance, rescue Paz first instead of Chico. However, if you bring Paz with you to Camp Omega's prison cells and then try to rescue Chico while carrying her, Snake will unceremoniously drop her to the ground with a loud thud as he enters cutscene mode.
  • Miller's reaction to the destruction of Mother Base (and by extension, his dreams) is pretty heartbreaking... With the exception of the metaphor that he uses and the strained delivery of the line, which wouldn't be out of place in a Resident Evil game.
    • It gets better next. In his angry burst he shouts "NOW START TALKING, BITCH!"
  • Paz having a bomb in her vagina. Granted, it can be heart-rending to some if you know the context, but if you aren't shocked or horrified by it, you'll likely burst out laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of it (And its resemblance to that episode of South Park) and how it was pushed so stoically despite the fact that of all places to put a contingency bomb, Skull Face decided in his infinite wisdom to sneak a snuke up Paz's snizz. Its the one place he reckons Big Boss "will never look". Unfortunately, he was right. For the wrong reasons.
  • The opening level of The Phantom Pain, featuring Ishmael guiding the one-armed and horribly crippled Punished Snake out of the hospital, is mostly ruined by Ishmael's hospital gown being open and exposing his bare ass the whole time. The fact that Snake spends most of this on the ground and Ishmael is crouching in front of him makes it worse.
    • Also in the same scene is Ishmael repeatedly telling Snake to hurry or follow him, despite Snake having been in a nine-year coma and barely able to even move under his own power, let alone catch up. Ishmael, of course, doesn't bother helping him around.

Non-canon Metal Gear
  • Not even Metal Gear Solid Ghost Babel is immune. After killing the boss Marionette Owl, he says that he and his unit have vowed vengeance on 'Anonymous'. This was fine at the time; but with the rise of certain Image Boards, the effect is reminiscent of a certain FOX news broadcast. "His madness surpasses even my own," says Owl. Considering Owl's Freudian Excuse was that he found a murdered, shredded body as a child, you can understand he'd have such a hatred for a board full of trolling and Guro.
  • Another non-canon one, this one from Metal Gear Acid 2. Ho Yay between Snake and his friend Dalton reaches its hilarious climax with Snake lying semi-naked on a bed while Dalton chides him for being so reckless as to endanger his own life; Snake responds that it wasn't really recklessness because he knew Dalton would always be there to save him. Dalton agrees, says, "This will probably do you some good" while implicitly approaching - and then there's an extended Fade to Black. If you've been picking up on the Sub Text and are familiar with the Sexy Discretion Shot trope, you'll either be relieved or disappointed when the fade to black is revealed to be a loading break for the next part of the cutscene, in which Dalton is giving Snake a fairly innocuous item.
    • In the same scene, Snake is finally reunited, after huge personal tragedy, with his 'family'. Unfortunately the artist drew him with a look of absolute dread as his allies throw their arms around his neck, making it look as if he would rather have never seen them again.
    • Snake's hairstyle in that game ruins every single serious moment he attempts to have in it. You could argue that his usual hair was pretty Eighties, but at least he wasn't sporting a golden blond high-top-mullet.
    • Talking of Snake's hairstyle, in the first Ac!d, Snake had a straight, shoulder-length cut with the bandanna tied under. It's flattering until we see a couple-of-years younger Snake in a flashback who has hair the same length, but very wavy. The image of Snake picking up a pair of straightening irons so he can preen himself before a mission is patently absurd enough to ruin even a seemingly normal haircut.
    • Metal Gear Chaioth ha Qadesh, once you get to fight it. In theory, great: it's a living Metal Gear which combines the best parts of all its predecessors. The graphics don't help it look intimidating in a REX or RAY kind of way, but the real narm is that, while the camera offers loving views of its lower body, you have to shoot its Metal Gearhood.
  • It falls somewhere between Hilarious in Hindsight and Crowning Moment Of Awesome, but the final boss of Snake's Revenge is Big Boss!... who, upon defeat, transforms into an invincible giant purple robot and chases Snake down the halls breathing fire. Anything we could put here would completely fail to describe how this actually feels to play.
    • His weakpoint is the soles of his feet. It may be impossible to impart that vital piece of information and still sound cool.
  • Nick's death in Snake's Revenge is a fairly dramatic moment, but it's spoiled by miscolouring one pixel on his heaving back. As a result, instead of appearing to pant out his last words, he appears to have a long, firm sausage-shaped object on his back that jiggles up and down like a wagged finger.


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