Funny / Sonic for Hire

    open/close all folders 

    Season 1 
  • Paperboy
    • Sonic needs rent money, so Tails gets him a job, as a Paperboy.
    Sonic: This is bullshit! Stupid break-dancers! Get out of the way!
    • Sonic has enough and steals a TV.
    Sonic: Ha ha! Sonic wins! (cops arrive) Oh, shit! (speeds off).
  • Punch Drunk
    • Sonic getting utterly destroyed by Mike Tyson.
    Sonic:(being beaten senseless) WHY! ISN'T! ANYONE! STOPPING! THIS!?
  • Toe Jam & Earl
    • Sonic trapping humans in jars with the titular duo is quickly revealed to be a fantasy of his after he dropped acid four days ago.
    Sonic: Wait, wait, wait. No, you got me that job capturing humans with Toe Jam and Earl. Guys, guys, back me up here!
    Tails: Yeah, garbage bag and busted chair, do you have anything to add? (silence) No? Huh.
  • Robotnik
    • Robotnik explaining that his Badniks abandoned him when he changed his name to "Eggman".
    Eggman: Turns out the name "Dr. Eggman" doesn't exactly demand respect, so... it's just me here now. Hanging out. In my undies.
    • The fact he runs around in underwear for the ENTIRE SERIES is funny and messed up at the same time.
    • Eggman ditching Sonic after the former unclogs his toilet.
    Eggman: Alright, okay, whatever, time to pay up. Just let me get 'em out of my uh... FUCK YOU, STINKBAAAALLLLL! *Runs away laughing*
    • What exactly is Eggman a doctor of?
    Eggman: I'm a podiatrist.
  • Street Fighter
    • Eggman greeting Sonic and Tails by calling them "Chronic and Fails".
    • How does Eggman distract Tails from the fight? By telling him that someone keyed "Peckerface" on the Tornado.
    Tails: WHAT?! I just got that thing detailed! Agh-(runs off) Goddamnit!
    Sonic: Tailsdontleaveme-aw,shit.
    Eggman: (snickers) It was me. What a schmuck!
  • Earthworm Jim
    • When Jim reminds Sonic not to take his suit, this conversation ensues:
    Sonic: Just go outside and have sex with yourself already, Jamie Lee Curtis!
    Jim: What?
    Sonic: Supposedly, she was born a hermaphrodite.
    Jim: Oh. I uh, I didn't know that.
    Sonic: Yeah, it's one of those urban legend-type deals, y'know, uh, I keep meaning to check it on Snopes, but uh, it's... not that high on my priority list. I think she sells diarrhea yogurt right now.
    • It's a small detail, but when Jim heads out, his suit waves goodbye.
    • Sonic's reaction to what the suit can do: jump. Just jump.
    Sonic: I can already do this shit completely naked with white gloves on!
    • The ending, where Jim comes inside to find his suit and TV gone, and Bob the Killer Goldfish dead.
    Jim: Ah,shit.
  • Burger Time
    • The fact that Knuckles owns a branch of the epynonymous burger joint, with the only other apparent thing he owns being his moped.
    • Knuckles' catchphrase:
    Knuckles: Fryin' and buyin'!
    • The ending shows that Sonic getting revenge on Eggman by adding "special sauce" in his burgers. He even shows security footage of the incident to Tails:
    Tails: Why are you so happy?
    Sonic: Oh, no reason. Hey, I got an idea! Let's watch the surveillance footage of me making Eggman's food. (plays footage of himself from earlier, making burgers) And.... freeze it! (pauses the footage, zooms in on himself adding "special sauce" on one of the burgers) Looks like Eggman ordered the special sauce!
    Tails: (laughs) Oh, man, that is AWESOME! (beat) Hey, isn't this Earthworm Jim's TV?
    Sonic: Ha, ha, ha! Yeah, I'm a dick.
  • Oregon Trail
    • The man driving the wagon, Hezekiah, telling Sonic that his son has to go to the bathroom.
    Sonic: No way! We're making good time. And stick a cork in that brat! I don't want him shitting all over the wagon.
    • When the argument with his wife, Eliza, becomes physical, Hezekiah alters the game to hide the fact that he practically injured his wife.
    Hezekiah: Hey, watch it now, text box! I got 5 bullets left! Better get that story straight!
    Text Box: (the original text is hastily erased) ELIZA IS SO CLUMSY. SHE FELL DOWN SOME STAIRS.
    Hezekiah: Now that's more like it.
    • When Sonic meets the Native American chief, "Chief Wahoo", to ask him for food for the wagon family, he becomes intrigued as to the contents of the pipe that the chief is holding.
    Sonic: What uh, whatcha smokin' there, Kemosabe?
    • And of course, the ending. Where Sonic arrives back at the wagon, completely high, after watching a pair of buffalo have sex for 6 hours... only for the text box to inform him that the entire family has died.
    Sonic: (stoned out of his mind) Whoops! Oh, well. More Wagon-tongs for me. Hey, Tonto! Let's watch season 4 of The Wire!
  • Metroid
    • The basic premise of this episode alone is hilarity. Sonic basically becomes an escort. To Mother Brain.
    Sonic: Tails said you were the brainy type, but I was expecting more of the sexy librarian than the... giant pulsating brain monster.
    Mother Brain: Hey! Pulsating brain monsters can be sexy too! (hacking cough)'
    Mother Brain: Well, at least say goodbye to our kids before you leave.
    Sonic: What the hell are you even talkin' about? Kids?! We just had sex a couple of hours ago!
    Mother Brain: What do you expect? I'm a mutant brain monster, I pop out kids like a goddamn gumball machine.
    Soniqua: Daddy? *Vomits on Sonic*
    Sonic: Fuck.
  • Kirby
    • Sonic's first meeting with Kirby comes off as more than a little unnerving.
    Kirby: Here comes another motherfucker!
    Parasol Waddle Dee: Another GLORIOUS day in Ice Cream- (inhaled).
    Sonic: Kirby, THESE are the bad guys?! I think that last guy was gonna give us money and a sandwich.
    Kirby: (not listening, beating a Noddy to death with a parasol) This umbrella works wonders for murdering!
    • Sonic trying to leave by using the same "I'm gay" excuse he used in the last episode. Not only does Kirby see through the act right away, but he also makes Sonic murder an innocent enemy that happens to be an old friend of his, under the threat of inhaling him and stealing his powers.
    Sonic: (after an emotional episode) Kirby, you are a sick fuck!
    Kirby: Would it make ya feel better if I told ya they were actually robots with no feelings or emotions?
    Sonic: (hopefully) F'real?
    Kirby: Nope! They're real. See ya later, murderer!
  • Thunderhead's debut episode, featuring Tyrus.
    Tyrus: Thank you, brave warrior. Now, let's... do it on the battlefield!
    Sonic: Wha? You're into this too? I don't know. This is just a little bit much for me.
    Thunderhead: We'll pay you triple.
    Sonic: (deadpan) I'm in, perverts
  • Sonic sending Pit to his doom. And then getting turned into an eggplant.
    Sonic: Oh, MOTHERfucker.
    Season 2 
  • Tails getting tortured by the hospital TV.
  • After Sonic kills Dig Dug.
    Monster 1: Now we can go rape that village weee!
    Monster 2: Hooray monster rape!
  • The balloon in the Bomberman episode happily saying "Go fuck yourself!"
  • Sonic playing Ice Hockey.
    • and talking to one of the players, who doesn't speak American good.
    Hockey Player: I am enjoying a many blue jeans.
    Sonic: I... don't know how to respond to that.
    Hockey Player: I would like very much to having the sex with American prostitute.
    Sonic: I actually think I can help you with that one.
  • Sonic not really caring about Birdo's gender after face-sexing it.
    Sonic: Whatever, I'm a busy guy! I can't be constantly checking for penises all the time! So what's my next job?
    Mario: Alright, your next job is—wh-wait a second—who's too busy to check for a penis?
    Sonic *points to himself*: This guy! I got places to go, and penises not to check!
  • Mario pulling his knife out and providing his own sound effect.
    Mario: Shing...
  • Mario: Why is this thing here? These don't occur in nature...
    Season 3 
  • In the Link episode, Link guides Sonic and his crew to the princess. However, they find a Margarita Bar instead ...
    Link: MARGARITAS!!!
  • Both Sonic and Eggman playfully making egg puns after Eggman refers to himself as the "Eggmeister".
    Eggman: How about "Hard Boiled Egg"?
    Sonic: Yes! Yes! Those are perfect "Egg-amples"!
  • "Awww TITS!"
  • The unexpected tank appearance in Tecmo Bowl.
    Sonic: You know if it weren't for my awesome touchdowns you guys wouldn't have gotten away with it so... where's my Gatorade dunk?
    Earthworm Jim: I got your dunk right here.(Zip)
    Sonic: Oh God NOOOOOOOO!
  • "When you're in Las Vegas and eat chicken Caesar salad, and find out that it gives you the shits, but you're stuck walking the strip and almost crapped behind some bushes, then you run into a casino and bust down the stall door, and SHIT ALL OVER THE PLAAAAAACE!"
  • Robotnik's reason for never leaving South America.
    Robotnik: THERE'S COKE ON TITS!!!
  • El Padrino's appearance.
  • Soniqua puts the Duck Hunt dog in crib with a bonnet and socks.
    Soniqua: Baby Soniqua want breast feed?
  • "Soniqua loves her new dog so much, that she started training it to battle these things called... Pocket Monsters? Is that right? That sounds like a dick joke waiting to happen."
    Season 4 
  • Cash Explosion fucking moron.
  • Sonic winds up in jail.
    Sonic: Uuhhhh things cannot get worse.
    Thunderhead: Sonic! I can't believe it's you, lets celebrate! I gotta condom full of wine up my ass, one sec — hold on, let me get that out.
  • Thunderhead easily taking the Eye Monster out in "Final Fantasy" but takes out the characters really quickly.
  • As Sonic and Gilius stand in a bright cheerful meadow staring at a crowd of Pokémon.
    Sonic: Badasses in jail told you about THIS?
    Gillius: Did I say "badasses"? I meant pedophiles. Prison does strange things to people.
  • Scribblenauts gets a mention when Soniqua types "Avocado Tits".
    • Sonic types in "True Happiness"
    Sonic: Huh, that is a lot of crack and porno.
  • Season 4's Kirby.
  • Sonic in Mass Effect. He fitted in rather perfectly.
    Season 5 
  • Slippy: Do a Barrel Roll!
  • Sonic and Tails trying to destroy the Alien Queen that turns out to be Alf. Tails keeps on being attacked by Facehuggers while Sonic keeps on trying to find food. And gets jealous when Tails gets attacked.
  • The guys, after returning from Tatooine, get a hot tub on the spaceship. Which gives us this.
    Tails: Eggman, what the hell is that poking my leg?
    Eggman: Oh, don't worry about it, it's nothing! (beat) I just have an erection in my penis. (Eggman stands up)
    Sonic and Tails (While jumping out of the hot tub): Oh God! (Wretching) Come on!
    Sonic (talking to a dried up Jim): Oh, right, that's why we got this thing. You're all dried up from the desert! You're so stupid.
  • Two Words: Destroy Venom
    • Tails listening to Gangman Style.
    • Eggman deep-frying a wallet and then eating it.
    • Soniqua herself on top of an arwing. Also, "AVOTACO!"
    • We also get this dialogue after Frank the Worm dies.
    Sonic: What the fuck? Why is everything about revolting brain 'sex with you?
    Sonic: Last one to Espacios Tacos Locos is a rotten asteroid worm creature!
    Earthworm Jim: His name was Frank.
    Sonic: Who cares?
    • And at the end ...
    Tails (Still listening to Gangnam Style and sees that Frank's Arwing got destroyed): HOLY SHIT!!! Hey you guys better not be going to Espacios Tacos Locos!
  • StarCraft.
    Sonic: Woohoo, man, these fucking Zergs are the BEST!
    Marine: They look a little strange, though.
    Eggman (chuckling): Yeah, this gaggle of Zergs jumped me, stole some of my DNA, and next thing you know we're deep-frying pizzas and chugging space beers! Right, boys?
    Zerg: EGGMAN RUSH!
    Eggman: I..think that's all they can say.
    Zerg: EGGMAN RUSH!
    Earthworm Jim: That's gonna get old real quick.
    Zerg: EGGMAN RUSH!
    Sonic: And now I hate them.
    Marine: I'll take it from here. (Proceeds to shoot all of the Zerg, to Eggman's surprise)
  • "Dryin' and dyin'!!"
  • Sonic killing Sparkster out of annoyance for his inconsistent sequels (and for not getting paid).
    Pig Soldier: Yaaaaaay!
  • "Space Chicken"
    • Fox proposes settling like real fighter pilots.
      Eggman: Shirtless beach volleyball! I call slider.
      Fox: [intensely] I call iceman!
    Season 6 
  • Chrono Trigger
    • Sonic tries to stop himself from having children with Lucca, so what does he do? Call Eggman to dress up as Sonic.
      Lucca: "Hurry up Sonic, I'm waiting for you!"
      Eggman: "I'm on my way, *sticks head out of the door* sugar tits!
  • Sonic Knuckles
    • Due to time travel, the president is Princess Potato.
  • Streets of Rage
    • Sonic: Oh sweet! Bacon, Egg, and Cheese!! ...Oh, and BJs!
    • Tails: Hey!! Get away from there!! THAT'S MY PISS JAR!!
  • Eggman
    • Sonic: Oh my god! Kathleen Turner ate Eggman! You crazy bitch!
      • Tails is only 80% sure that's not Kathleen Turner.
    • The taco sandwich. Two tacos for bread, and between that, ten tacos.
    • Sonic mistaking Crash Bandicoot for Bubsy.
      "Shut up, Bubsy!"
  • Crash Bandicoot
    • The Butterfly Effect in action.
    Crash: Whatever that fatty fat Eggman did in the past made me the most popular thing since Torn-Apart-With-Your-Hands-Bread!
    Sonic: You mean sliced bread?
    Crash: What is a, "sliced bread"?
  • Thunderhead
    • Gilius Thunderhead posing as Sonic. Sonic challenges Thunderhead to prove he's the real Sonic by spindashing, but Thunderhead thinks that it involves "tripping on bath salts and dry-humping J.C. Penney mannequins".
    • The reveal that Mario is alive again.
      Mario:Guess who's back motherfuckers.
  • The Avengers
    • Sonic fooling Mario's initial hitmen that Eggman is Sonic.
    • Eggman believing that there is food. His expression is priceless.
  • Return of the Plumber
  • Soniqua Mad
    • "Daddy's busy at the moment. He's a toilet now."
  • Flaming Bag of Poop
  • Things Get Messy
    • Sonic turning into Wario.
    • Lucca's "new" child. Eggman says "that is one ugly little kid". (The child has Eggman's face and wears underwear).
  • This Can't Be Good
  • Reset
    • After going back into time and ending up seeing their past selves, Tails explains that the only way to stop the world from collapsing on itself is to kill themselves.
      Sonic: Yes! Finally!
      Tails: I meant the other versions of us.
      Sonic: Aw.
    • During their trip to kill the past Earthworm Jim, Sonic finds out that Bob the Killer Goldfish is still dead even in the past.
      Sonic: Hmm, that stupid fish is still dead.
    • Right before the world collapse, Tails expresses a regret.
      Tails: Uh, this probably isn't the best time for this, but, uh, I never got a chance to kill myself. I was kinda looking forward to that.
    Season 7