Kefka: Well Poke-freaks, have you caught yourself a life yet with those balls? Pokémon Trainer 1: Alright, that's it! Pokemon Trainer 2: Kefka, we challenge you to a Pokémon match! Kefka: Um...o...kay. Pokemon Trainer 2: Piplup, I choose you! (tosses Piplup plushie to the floor) Kefka: Ifrit! I CHOOSE YOU! (Ifrit cosplayer comes in and stomps the Piplup plushie while the Trainers cower) Kefka: HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW!?!? WHO'S THE MOST EVIL!?? HIGH FIVE, BIG GUY! HAHAHA!
Chouji: (picking up a notebook) Hey, what do we got here? Sasuke: Hey! Those are my inner thoughts! (gets restrained by Kakashi) Chouji: It's his poetry journal! Let's see what we got here. Let's see... (starts reading) "My blood should be red, but it's black / My tear should be clear, but it's red / The sky is black / The ground is gray / A crow cries out my name...Sasuke" (gawking) Dude... you write this crap? (Chouji slaps Sasuke with his poetry journal) Sasuke: Look...you guys can't understand me! You don't know what it's like; my older brother killed everyone in my village. Because of that, every day I suffer an inner pain that I can only express through poetry. Kisame: ...you're a pansy! Kakashi: Are you telling me Itachi is one of those wiener emo kids, too? Sasuke: Dude, Itachi is way more emo than I will ever be; he's got thicker glasses, he turns his poetry into music on the guitar, and he paints his nails. I wish I were as emo as him. (Kakashi, Chouji and Kisame laugh) You know what, I wish I were dead, too! Chouji: Yeah, Sasuke, we all wish you were dead! Kakashi: Hey, remember your training—down the tracks, not across them. Sasuke: You know what, I'm gonna write a song about this! And when I sell out and make millions of dollars, you'll all wish you were nicer to me! [Exit] Chouji: You know, the sad thing is, he is gonna get famous for that whiny crap. Hey, Sasuke! Come back here! I'm not done harassing you yet! I gotta still stick your head in the toilet! [Exit]
Several conventions (AnimeNext at the least) have an "anime dating game" for which this, in the form of wacky Crossover Ship, is the entire purpose.
In baseball, any time a ball bounces off a player's head and goes over the fence for a home run, most famously happening to Jose Canseco.
Randy "The Big Unit" Johnson gets a disproportionate number of these. To wit:
The infamous "Bird Beanball incident"◊ (not because a bird died, but because it chose the absolute worst time to fly into the field, resulting in a one-in-a-billion moment).
The 1994 MLB All-Star Game. Johnson nearly decapitates John Kruk with a pitch that's way inside, way high and way over Kruk's head. Kruk acts like he's about to have a massive heart attack, and spends the rest of his at-bat feigning absolute terror and is "almost at the on-deck circle" he's so far back in the batter's box.
In the All-Star Game in 1998, Larry Walker had to face Randy Johnson again after he had done so once in interleague play, where Johnson famously threw wildly out of the strike zone and Walker fanned himself afterward. When they both face each other, it happens again. Walker then turns around his batting helmet, grabs the other end of the bat, and switches hands. He eventually walked, at which point even the announcers were cracking up.
Colts vs. Texans, 2008 Texans home opener. Texans are beasting, up 27-10 with less than five minutes to go. Colts score a touchdown to make it 27-17, but the Texans recover the onside kick and need just one first down to ice it. Texans back-up quarterback Sage Rosenfels, starting in place of Matt Schaub (who was suffering from some kind of illness) attempts to get this first down by vaulting himself into the air, getting himself knocked silly and flipped 360 degrees in the air, fumbling the ball to Colts defender Gary Brackett, who takes the ball back for a touchdown, making it 27-24. On the next Texans drive, Rosenfels fumbles, and the Colts are able to score another touchdown, making it 31-27. Rosenfels then throws an interception to seal the game for the Colts. After spending 55 minutes creating a quarterback controversy in Houston, it only took Sage Rosenfels five minutes to perhaps jeopardize his career.
Any time in soccer that the ball goes through the goalkeeper's legs.
Anything pertaining to Chicago White Sox left fielder Manny Ramirez. A personal favorite moment is the time that Manny acted as the cutoff man for a throw from centerfielder Johnny Damon in 2004. There was also the time he was in the dugout randomly petting teammate Julian Tavarez in 2007. But there's too many to list here about Manny.
Somewhat related to Manny Ramirez but not quite. In 2004 or so, Manny had robbed New York Yankees utility infielder Miguel Cairo of a homerun. Cairo had already circled the bases and was in the dugout and had no idea that he was out until someone in the dugout pointed it out to him. The look on Cairo's face as he realized he was out was priceless
Jonathan Papelbon's Irish Jig after the Red Sox clinched the AL East...actually that whole celebration is made of hilarity. That was just the crowning moment.
A football player trips over his own feet and bites the dust. Without missing a beat the announcer says "Claude Raines on tackle."
Chess example: At the closing dinner after the 1960 Chess Olympics in Leipzig (East Germany), 17-year-old Bobby Fischer, already considered the West's best hope for a non-Soviet World Champion, told then World Champion, Mikhail Tal, that he could read palms. Tal offered him his hand, Fischer examined it and said solemnly: "I see that in the near future you will lose the title of world champion to a young American grandmasterâ! Tal promptly turned to American Grandmaster William Lombardy and, shaking his hand, said, "Bravo, Billy! So it's you who are destined to succeed me!"
Billy Sianis' curse on the Chicago Cubs is kind of funny if you aren't a fan. In his own words to the team owner:
You are going to lose this World Series and you are never going to win another World Series again. You are never going to win a World Series again because you insulted my goat.
Washington Nationals outfielder Jayson Werth's nonverbal reaction to being thrown a 57-mph Eephus pitch. note On average, pitches in MLB range from about 80-95 mph. The eephus pitch capitalizes on this by being so slow by comparison that it's basically a Mind Screw.
Yes, politics. The 2008 Al Smith memorial dinner was a highlight for both presidential candidates, John McCain and Barack Obama, who both got off dozens of jabs and zingers. Senator McCain may have lost the election, but he could easily have a promising career as a standup comic in front of him. The line of the night? In this editor's opinion:
John McCain: Now, of course, it would be unfair — and even a little unkind — to put my opponent on the spot before he gets up here or to throw him off his game with unreasonably high expectations. But I do need to warn you, ladies and gentlemen, you all are about to witness the funniest performance in history, in the 63-year history of this event. Let's not add to the mounting pressure he must be feeling; just prepare yourself for nonstop hilarity, the funniest 15 minutes of your life or any other. I think he knows that anything short of that would mar the evening, insult our hosts, and perhaps even cost him several swing states. Senator Obama, the microphone is all yours.
John F. Kennedy was a Harvard man, and when Yale awarded him an honorary degree and invited him to deliver the keynote address at their commencement ceremony that year, he graciously accepted, but could not resist letting fly a few zingers in the speech he gave.
Ronald Reagan: In a story told by his youngest son of his father's unflagging optimism, Reagan spent some time in his Presidency trying to revive the "thumbs up" sign. During this time, Reagan has his head outside of the limo's sunroof, with his wife, their son and daughter-in-law in the car, and he is giving the thumbs up to the people outside when a gentlemen gives him a gesture of his own...with a different finger...Reagan unfazed by this sits back down, turns to his family and responds, "See, it's catching on."
Edwin Edwards. Former four-term governor of Louisiana. Well-deserved reputation as a ladies' man—married three times, currently to a woman more than 50 years his junior. Served time in federal prison on corruption charges. Read and enjoy...
In 1983, when running for his third term as governor against incumbent David Treen, he said that his opponent was "so slow it takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes."
In 1991, when running for his fourth term as governor against former KKK Grand Wizard David Duke: "The only place where David Duke and I are alike is we are both wizards under the sheets."
During a roast after he was released from prison in 2011: "I give blood for them to make Viagra."
During the same roast, on the reputed aphrodisiac quality of oysters: "I had a dozen last night, and only 10 of them worked."
When his younger brother warned him that sex with his current wife would be dangerous (for him), he reportedly said, "Well, Marion... if she dies, she dies."
The lifelong Democrat on the use he's found for Republicans, during a 2012 press conference with his new (Republican) wife: "You sleep with 'em."
"WOOO!You know you can't bring that weak ass stuff up in this humpy-bumpy! You kill the joe, you make some mo'! You know that baby!"
And frogs are the clowns of the amphibian world, because of their big goofy grins.
Pretty much all modern amphibians are funny.
Turtles are pretty funny, too, what with their old man faces.
And now Komodo Dragons have been found to be one of the only reptiles that actually play with stuff. Just imagine a reptile longer than you chasing something like a dog. Including the zooming on past it and hitting the fence part.
Two brilliant zingers from the Skeptoid podcast regarding the various claimed "powers" of wheatgrass juice: "It's not true at all that chlorophyll is a good source of oxygen. I suggest you continue to rely on your lungs for that, which are probably better since you don't have leaves." And "If you want magnesium, take a vitamin pill. If you want oxygen, take a breath. If you want sex hormones, get a girlfriend."
Often denouncing a "Worldwide Mad Deadly Communist Gangster Computer God" mind-controlling mankind, [Frances E.] Dec is considered to have been a paranoid schizophrenic of the influencing-machine delusion kind, and is often referred to as a "kook".
The best part is that it has FIVE DIFFERENT CITATIONS for him being called a "Kook"
<!— if the lhc actually destroys the earth & this page isn't yet updated, please email firstname.lastname@example.org to receive a full refund —>
After a performance of The Phantom of the Opera, the actress playing Christine stepped forward to urge the audience to give donations to a charitable cause (since it was in San Francisco, I believe it was AIDS-related). She prefaced her remarks, "Now, before we continue with Act III of Phantom of the Opera..." The reaction of the actor playing the Phantom was priceless.
Picture it: a tense scene during the second act of Wicked, when Fiyero has his gun trained on the Wizard, Glinda and Elphaba are both telling him to flee, and he admits he loves her and is going to go with her. Cue a little girl in the audience going "Yay!"—clear as a bell and quite loud in the silence. Everyone in the theater busted up—and while the actors were quite professional and did not break character or the scene, the actress playing Elphaba was visibly struggling not to burst out laughing, and giggles were in fact audible. Unsurprisingly, the same was true of Glinda's actress.
One of the Beanie Babies named Runner the Mongoose originally shipped with a poem reading as follows:
The funny parts, specifically, is Rick using a heavy, nasally New York accent, randomly moving his legs inward and outward repeatedly, and using a device that makes a strange noise to avoid discount deals over the phone.
Nancy: I really don't see how she'd be frustrated. I really don't see how she'd be frustrated about an imaginary fish in and an imaginary fish tank having an imaginary death because she didn't give it imaginary fish food. No. I don't get it.
Game-review website IGN had a Crowning Moment of Funny when it decided to do an "English localization" of some of the cutscenes from the Final Fantasy XIII demo. The title screen plays it straight but then it quickly turns into a Gag Dub (link, NSFW), which sees protagonists Lightning and Sazh fighting a gigantic sex robot that Lightning forgot to pay. It also deliberately Flanderizes the original characters, with Lightning as a cardboard-cutout Action Girl equivalent of Keanu Reeves, the gentle and polite Sazh as a ne'er-do-well player-wannabe constantly looking for poon from Lightning, and the chocobo living in Sazh's afro as a player-mentor:
Sazh: Say, little man... girl... I have no idea what the fuck you are, but we gotta roll.
Back in 2008, a British illusionist/mentalist named Derren Brown put on a stage show called "An Evening of Wonders," during which he performed the Oracle act (you write a question on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope, seal it, then put your initials and what row and level you're seated on a sticker on the outside of the envelope; the idea was that he'd be able to guess your question based on how you wrote your info on the sticker). On one of the envelopes submitted, he looked at it, and guessed that, based on the fact that the person who put it in had written his info kinda scrunched up, that it was a teenage boy who, on a dare from his friends, had written something rude; Brown went on and guessed that it would probably say something along the lines of "why are you a wanker?" He threw the envelope into the audience and said they were welcome to look at the billet inside if they wished. They did, and he wasn't too far off. It said "cock." Here's a clip of the show. The whole sequence starts at around 3:02.
And it became a Brick Joke at the end. During a segment at the beginning (a game of 20 Questions), he sent someone back into the audience without guessing the object they were thinking of, concerned that he'd get it wrong. At the end, he unrolled a big scroll with a series of predictions of things that would happen during the show. The word "bracelet" showed up on the scroll no less than three times, and when he asked if anyone in the audience had thought of a bracelet in the 20 Questions game, it turned out that that was, indeed, what the lady that he sent back had thought of. Derren's response: "You know what, that kid's right, I am a cock!" Here you go. The actual unrolling of the scroll starts at about 3:15; the lady revealing that she thought of the bracelet is at around 5:05.