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- Mike's Cold Open introduction for the Plinketto board for Plinketto #3:Mike: Hey, everyone! It's back! Tall, wide, and filled with nonsense...why it's Josh! And also the Plinketto board!
- Rich Evans constantly riffing during Josh's attempted explanation of The Survivor, including:
- Suddenly Shouting "Oh my God, this is so fucking boring!" while Josh is talking
- Wondering if the audience is just bewildered while watching
- Grabbing his lapel mic and saying "No one gives a shit" directly into it.
- Asking Mike if YouTube keeps track of when people stop watching a video.Mike: Yes, they do. And it's right about now. [to audience] Goodbye!
Rich: Have a nice night, everybody!
Mike: Just check out now. Wait for the second ad break, then check out.
- In a complete clash with what they were expecting, the buddy cop movie starring famous comedic actors they were anticipating to be good (Keaton's Cop) ends up being terrible, and the family sci-fi movie they were dreading (Space Raiders) becomes their unanimous pick for Best of the Worst.
- Rich Evans pretending to smother himself with a pillow while watching Keaton's Cop.
- The discussion of Keaton's Cop leads to them talking about old people fucking.Rich: There's probably some kind of old folks home porn out there somewhere.
Josh: Rich, I'm gonna tell ya, I'm gonna say this on camera right now; I've had friends who have worked at old folks homes, they masturbate so much.
Mike: ...Your friends who work at the old folks homes?
Josh: The old folks.
Mike: Oh. I thought you were ratting out your friends.
Josh: Well they might, too. They might, too, I'm not judging that, I'm not judging any of it. But old people, they're just jacking and jilling all day long. - There's a touching moment in Space Raiders where Peter revives Han Solo-expy Hawk, except it looks tremendously wrong...
Rich: This movie is rated very highly amongst pedophiles...- It doesn't help when it's mentioned that Hawk gave Peter beer earlier on, or that the shot continues. Their smile at the end's the capper.Jack: You can cut away now! PLEASE CUT AWAY NOW!
Rich: Oh no!
(Everyone descends into laughter)
- It doesn't help when it's mentioned that Hawk gave Peter beer earlier on, or that the shot continues. Their smile at the end's the capper.
- The episode ends in a "YEAH!" Shot... for everyone except Josh, who continues to explain why Space Raiders was a good movie, all the way until the credits.Mike: Space Raiders...you go, girl!
- Rich Evans constantly riffing during Josh's attempted explanation of The Survivor, including:
- From Episode 49, Rich's explanation of Future Zone, the sequel to Future Force:Rich: David Carradine — who was the star of the previous installment — in the early 90's he made a follow-up where he teams up with his son and then they go on, like, cop dramas. And then when Kung Fu: The Legend Continues failed as a series, he made Future Zone.
- The panel agrees that the reason Roger Corman is successful is because of his smooth, calm, and enunciative voice. Rich Evans immediately says "I'm doomed!"
- Everyone agrees that Skateboard Kid 2 ranks much lower than the original on the "Woah-o-meter"
- When Jack laughs at a joke Rich makes during Skateboard Kid 2, it cuts to George McFly laughing the exact same way.
- The group talks about how Ted Prior should go back in time and save Carradine from his death by auto-erotic asphyxiation, and how awkward that rescue would be.
- When John Tucker screams, "I'M GONNA GET DRUNK!", Rich laughs louder and harder than he ever has on the show since the Jesus take from the S.O.S. video. The others suspect that the line wasn't scripted.
- For Carnosaur 2, they continually remark on how the film ripped off Aliens, calling the child character "Nnnnnnooo-Newt", "Newt Conner", and so on with remarks like "Not-Ripley", "Not-Newt", "Not-Bill Paxton".
- For their 50th episode, Freddie Williams returns as part of the new "Selection Series", where one person picks all three tapes. Freddie's criteria for his picks? How cool the box art looked. Mike said he was literally judging the tapes by their covers.
- Their confused reaction to the Ooh, Me Accent's Slipping moments when the British cast of Slaughter High lose their American "High School" accents.
- Mike makes two spot-on predictions, one of which was just a joke, while watching two of the movies. Since Rich tends to make accurate predictions, Mike says that he's Rich's padawan learner. Rich says he's using his own power to hold Mike back.
- Rich repeats the word "unconscious" to get the pronunciation right, but unintentionally draws attention to it by repeating it. Rich's explanation just makes it more awkward.Mike: Don't worry, Rich. I'll edit all this out.
Rich: You mean in, repeatedly? With jump cuts, and text on the bottom?
Mike: (Corpsing) A picture of your driver's license!
Rich: You gonna caption a little arrow that says "Rich Evans is a dumbass" pointing at me?
Mike: Oh, not a little arrow! - It happens again later when Rich screws up trying to say "fire extinguisher", with Freddie asking Rich if he wants to try again, but Rich, resigned to his fate, just tells him it's fine, while motioning to Mike. Cue a bunch of replays of Rich fumbling his way through "fire extinguisher". Freddie then tries to reassure Rich that if he was editing, he would make it so it sounded like Rich never screwed up.Rich: You-you-you'd like, awkwardly take out the vowels that are right, rearrange them. Me saying, me saying one word would be like, eight jump cuts! "FiRE exTiNgUISHER!"
- At one point during Kill Point, they say the movie took them to such a dark place that they found themselves actively rooting for Cameron Mitchell to murder a woman and her baby for making too much noise.
- Wheel of the Worst #14:
- As they discuss what films are on the Wheel this time, the existence of "Casual Slipcovers" (a VHS concerning making furniture slipcovers) is noted, causing Rich and Mike to pause in awkward silence. Rich then slowly turns the Wheel to the next tape, prompting Mike to call him out for taking his time as if Mike wanted to stay on it.
- Mike calls out Rich for mispronouncing Joy Cowley's name as Joe Cowley when reading... only for Rich to then promptly mispronounce "meet":
- Hospital Clowning has the host make so many amateur mistakes that it adds to the pure-hearted charm of the video.
- An educational tape called Wormania is the last thing you'd expect to have an undercurrent of sexuality. But not only does it go over how worms reproduce in highly explicit detail (such as how they're hermaphrodites, providing visual aids on the mechanics, and songs that include the word "sperm" several times), it all hits a high point when, completely unprompted, the teenage boy actor responds to the worm lady asking him to fill a balloon with water by saying "Gladly" in the most sexually provocative way he can muster. Absolutely none of the guys were able to wrap their brains around that one.
- Mike and Josh's worm song:Mike: I got a worm in my [bleep] / I got a worm in my [bleep] / My worm's gonna go in the [bleep] / My worm's gonna go in the [bleep] / Rich Evans wants my worm in his [bleep] / He's always asking for my worm in his [bleep] / It gets unconformable when he asks me for, uh, these questions / It gets unconformable when he asks me these questions. [Entire table but Rich breaks down laughing.]
- "I do not think we're gonna see a cartoon octopus smoking eight cigarettes." Cue footage from the tape of a smoking cartoon octopus. To take it even further, during the discussion, Mike somehow got it in his head that he had predicted that there would be a smoking cartoon octopus. The editor (Jay) made sure that this error was not lost on the audience.
- Mike's incredibly excited reaction to Octopuff in Kumquat, which results in the Wheel of the Worst being knocked over and split in half, necessitating a whole new wheel to be built. Even better, Octopuff in Kumquat ends up being a total disappointment.Rich: [as Mike gazes dumbfounded at Octopuff in the screening room] No redos this time. No redos this time. No redos this time.
- When it comes time to talk about Octopuff in Kumquat, Rich pointedly asks Mike if it was worth it. When Mike tellingly does not respond, Rich proceeds to ask Jay to talk about "A Day Full of Joy" as he pulls it out from under the table and hands it over.
- Right off the bat, Jay gives a glowing review of "A Day Full of Joy".Jay: [W]e're gonna talk about "A Day Full of Joy", with Joy Cowley, who I think I might hate more than anyone ever. This is an ego project, for Joy Cowley. She's a Kiwi, she's from New Zealand-
Rich: (quietly) You racist.
Jay: And this video is all about how amazing she is, how interesting she is, how great her children's books are, which are the worst fucking things ever... - None of the guys are impressed by Joy Cowley's children's books.[After reading "The Meanies Came To School"]
Joy Cowley: Did you like that story?
Jay, Rich, and Josh: Nooooooooooooo!
Joy: Would you like to be a meanie?
Rich and Josh: Yessssssssss! - When Joy is talking about her farm, she pets one of her sheep... which makes a chicken noise.Jay: The fuck is this?!
- As the video progresses and Joy prattles on and on about herself, you can tell that out of everyone in the room, Jay was the most annoyed.Jay: WHO THE FUCK CARES?!
- Though Rich wasn't too pleased either.Rich: ME ME ME ME ME!!
- As the video progresses and Joy prattles on and on about herself, you can tell that out of everyone in the room, Jay was the most annoyed.
- The video ends with the group once again mourning the death of the Wheel, with Josh in particular ranting about how this definitely means "Wheel of the Worst" is dead, since it's not like one of them, Rich in particular, built the Wheel and can easily either repair it again or, failing that, just outright build a new one.Josh: It just appeared one day, there's no way we're getting this thing back!
- "It went out like a bitch. It just fell over. The Wheel of the Worst was done in by the American Lung Association..."
- Len Kabasinski returns for Episode 52, and meets Jay eye-to-eye in height in the Cold Open. The camera pans down to show that Jay is standing on a box. Another easy to miss joke; the video Jay is checking out is called Aids.
- When Len is reading the synopsis for the first movie, it sounds suspiciously like the plot to his most recent movie, Angel of Reckoning.
- After seeing how much of Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper consists of running Shirtless Scenes, they decide to add in a real-time video of the running and walking scenes with a stopwatch. Mike calls it a "literal runtime".
- Jack's reaction to the fourth time the movie shows a shirtless man walking up stairs and into a bedroom, dropping his pants, and play acting with a gun in a mirror.Jack: Here it is. Here it is. Come on. Be done. Be done, be done, be done. Rule of threes, rule of threes, rule of threes, rules apply in our real world—
(the scene fades into another man walking up stairs with no shirt)
Jack:' NOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO! - After summing up the plot, Rich throws the DVD off the table... only for Jay to keep picking it back up and putting it on the table each time Rich does. Eventually, Mike snaps that Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper doesn't deserve to be on the discussion table, even considering "the amount of trash that has sat on this table". He then notices that Len's own film was on the table. He then promptly hides the DVD before declaring that "D.B. Cooper and THAT movie do not deserve to be on this table!"Len: Kind of a nut punch, but okay.
- When talking about Black Cougar, both before and during the discussion, Mike insists that people check out the movie's official website, blackcougar.com. While it did exist before, it is currently an adult chatting site.Jack: I spent HOURS on blackcougar.com, I-I'm looking for, like, the documentary on the making of Black Cougar —
Len: (drily) And you did not find it.
Jack: I mean, I SEARCHED... I need a new credit card. - They compare the delusional and energetic man behind Black Cougar to one of the band members from Spinal Tap. Len interprets this as them saying that long-haired men are freaks, and he takes off his microphone and leaves.Rich: We ripped his movie Skull Forest a new one, yet it's a comment about his hair that makes him leave.
- The panel toast with sake that Len brought with him, except for Rich, who Mike says doesn't drink anymore because of some unintentional deaths.
- Mister Booze plays numerous times during the panel's drunken antics. (Notably, while Jack gets sloppy and Mike is absolutely pickled, Len doesn't so much as bat an eye, even after multiple shots.)
- Rich does shots of 5-Hour Energy in solidarity with the rest of the table. In true Rich fashion, he describes it as "t'hofful" when trying to say "awful".
- When Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper is unanimously selected as the tape, they get rid of it by having Rich Evans leave the DVD in the bathroom of Milwaukee's most popular Gay Club, DIX... which Rich somehow knows how to get to off the top of his head. Rich then spends nearly an hour in the club, and returns covered in sweat and without the hat and jacket he went in with. Mike and Jay wisely choose not to comment.
- In a first for the show, Mike, Rich, and Jay do a single-film review, and of Hollywood Cop. Although the case they show on the table is for Hollywood Homicide, the flopped 2004 Harrison Ford action movie.
- When they mention Cameron Mitchell's Tums rant, Jay points out his favorite line of the rant, "Every day ends with a Tums festival!" Rich says that that line was in Samurai Cop, not Hollywood Cop. Jay looks at Rich like he's crazy, and Rich vehemently defends himself. Meanwhile, the edited episode clearly shows that the Tums line was in Hollywood Cop. And every time Rich tries to say he's right, the clip of the line is edited in, multiple times.
- Mike, knowing full well that Rich is wrong, says he doesn't remember the line either, both egging Rich on and making Jay think he's going insane.
- The credits play over Rich googling "Tums Festival", with text at the bottom pointing out how ridiculous that is.
- Knowing how the edit humiliates Rich for being wrong, it makes sense to see "Edited by Jay Bauman" in the credits.
- When they mention Cameron Mitchell's Tums rant, Jay points out his favorite line of the rant, "Every day ends with a Tums festival!" Rich says that that line was in Samurai Cop, not Hollywood Cop. Jay looks at Rich like he's crazy, and Rich vehemently defends himself. Meanwhile, the edited episode clearly shows that the Tums line was in Hollywood Cop. And every time Rich tries to say he's right, the clip of the line is edited in, multiple times.
- Wheel of the Worst #15 opens with Rich heavily duct-taping the Wheel in order to do the video when Jim and Colin show up. Without a moment's hesitation, they proceed to shove the Wheel over to break it... only for Rich to clarify that they're going to be using the new Wheel (of Misfortune).
- The video features several explanations of jokes so that millennials will understand them.Jim: And part Mark David Chapman.
A little help... for millennials: Mark David Chapman shot and killed John Lennon in December of 1980. John Lennon was one of The Beatles. The Beatles were a very popular band. Their influence in music can still be heard today! - Jim and Colin spin the wheel together, but try to spin it in opposite directions, causing Rich to laugh. This then leads to an explanation to millennials about what clockwise means, and what a clock is.
- Several commenters noted how appropriate it was that the inaugural spin of the new Wheel was a complete failure.
- Golden Road, about why old people shouldn't drive. It begins with a woman recounting a story of her mother getting into the car and plowing into the building in front of her. Mike demands they do a dramatic reenactment.
- Their discovery that automotive engineers have specially designed suits that simulate being an old person driving a car.
- Hangin' with Leo advertises on the box that it has footage of Leonardo Dicaprio at the beach. It's just one shot, filmed through a hole by the stalker. And they even point out in the video that Leo has a bit of a gut.
- The segue into the last tape, Telepathic Communication with Animals.Jim: Penelope Smith is a telepathic communicator with animals.
Rich: (laughs)
Jim: Of all kinds...she, uh, she helps people communicate, um... with horses, ducks...
Rich: (laughs) - Rich bluntly asks Mike if he believes in telepathic animal communication since he also believes in ghosts.Rich: Okay, Mike? You believe in ghosts. Do you also believe in this crazy thing?
Colin: (laughs)
Mike: I find the paranormal fascinating. That doesn't mean I believe in ghosts. No! This video is crackpot central. - Rich mentions efforts by Josef Stalin to create an ape-man hybrid super soldier.Rich: That's why Stalin had to counter that with his hybrid ape-human program.
Colin: What, was that real!?
Rich: That's a real thing.
Colin: Whaaaat!?
Rich: Supposedly... it's a real thing I heard, I don't know if it's actually true, but I have heard that Stalin tried... to... force—
(Mike covers his mouth in order to prevent a Spit Take; it doesn't work; everyone laughs) - Rich's idea to prove Penelope Smith is a fraud; Have her do a psychic reading on Koko, the famous gorilla who knows sign language, and then have Koko explain that Penelope is wrong.
- When talking about Penelope acting as a polygraph test for dogs, Mike comes out with this.Mike: Pollywannacrackergraph?...A test for a parrot?
Rich: (laughs)
Mike: "Do you not want a cracker?" (screech)
Rich: Mike, that is so dumb it's funny! (laughs)
Mike: "You're lying, you do want a cracker!" (screech) - When discussing how they should destroy Hangin' With Leo, Rich just takes the tape and starts smashing it against the edge of the table. After doing significant damage, he removes the cover.Rich: Thunder Cats? This is the wrong tape!
- The video features several explanations of jokes so that millennials will understand them.
- In Best of the Worst: The Sweeper, Empire of the Dark, and Mad Foxes, the guys have a strange fascination with baseball jokes, instituting a counter for how many pop up. The final count is 5... unfortunately, they counted 4 twice, so it should be 6.note
- Rich is unenthusiastic at the prospect of yet another new series.Josh: This is the Remote Selection series, where we watch movies that someone picked who's not even here.
Rich: ...W-we need a new series for that? Can't we just watch the movies? As if it were a normal episode? Why does everything have to be a fucking gimmick?! We can't just a normal fucking episode?! Wheel, Plinketto, Selection, Premium ser- just read the fucking box like it's a normal goddamn episode!
Jack: Fine, read it, fine, fine.
Rich: [calmly] ...The Sweeper. - The crew compares The Sweeper's car chase across a boardwalk to the mall sequence in The Blues Brothers, and briefly dubbing the Brothers' theme song into the former as bystanders bounce off the bad guy's windshield and fall into the ocean.
- Mike describes the main character in Empire of the Dark as "a tax accountant by day, and a badass ninja fighter by day-for-night". He quickly declares it "Joke of the Show".
- The guys come up with a theory that there is a psychological need for pathetic, schlubby men who decide to star in self-funded action movies purely to stroke their own ego to wear black tank tops in said movies. They cite as evidence, not only the movie they're discussing, Empire of the Dark, but also Geteven and legend of Best of the Worst cinema Double Down. note
- Their amazed reaction to Joe Pilato of Day of the Dead (1985) with his hair sprayed gray and a stilted old man walk playing a meek old professor in Empire of the Dark.
- They are even further amazed to see him saving the protagonist in the climax by somehow finding his way to hell with a shotgun, only to get ripped in half by the demon. After their collective Big "WHAT?!", Rich in particular is so shocked that his voice goes up more than a few octaves.Everyone: WHAT!?
Jay: Oh my God, Joe Pilato!
Rich: JOE PILATO!? HOW IS HE HERE NOW!?...WHAT!?
Jay: What a twist!
Mike: 'Cause they—they killed his daughter, remember?
Jay: Sure, but—
Rich: HOW DID HE GET THERE AND HOW DID HE KNOW ABOUT ANY OF THIS AND WHAT!? WHAT!?
- They are even further amazed to see him saving the protagonist in the climax by somehow finding his way to hell with a shotgun, only to get ripped in half by the demon. After their collective Big "WHAT?!", Rich in particular is so shocked that his voice goes up more than a few octaves.
- Rich reading the back of the Mad Foxes box, largely because the box is written entirely in German. Given the number of replays poking fun at Rich's flubbed lines normally, some people joked that Rich is actually more fluent in German than he is in English.
- Their discussion of Mad Foxes and how it manages to mix together a Random Events Plot with copious amounts of Fetish Retardant, including two characters having sex in what they call a "piss tub" and a scene of them making love outside as the camera zooms in on the man's unwashed anus.Jay: Well, while they were riding on the horses, that's when I was worried that we were gonna get some sort of weird bestiality scene.
Rich: (in Spanish accent) "I have idea for great scene! Woman get licked out by horse!"(Jay breaks down laughing.) - Rich's perfectly timed and delivered Precision F-Strike during the transition to the Mad Foxes discussion.
- The Running Gag of Rich chowing down on an ever increasing number of Tums, both as a reference to his now infamous "Tums festival" incident during the Hollywood Cop episode and his version of I Need a Freaking Drink. It very quickly leads into a discussion about using greasy, spicy food to counter the side effects of eating too many Tums and Rich being cloned to fight Xenomorphs.
- Rich is unenthusiastic at the prospect of yet another new series.
- The second spotlight episode features The Last Vampire on Earth by Vitaliy Versace, a shameless knock-off of Twilight, but with a few... surprises.Mike: Well, um, let's get to the elephant in the room, and that's AIDS.
- The set-up for the video: Mike has set up a collection of Colin's favorite bad films, and he gets to pick the topic of the video. Cut to a shelf filled with "Nukie" VHSes... from which Colin pulls out "The Last Vampire on Earth" upon closing his eyes to pick randomly.
- They theorize that the director, Vitaly Versace, is actually a Sacha Baron Cohen invention.
- They compare the movie's lead actor to Shrek, and how he's still treated as if he was as handsome and mysterious as Robert Pattinson.Jay: But the movie treats it as if he's the Robert Pattinson. That's the weirdest kind of juxtaposition. They treat him like he's brooding, sexy vampire man.
Colin: No he's not. He looks like a serial killer.
Mike: Yeah, they cast this guy. And I could see wh— There's two things, like, he's really handsome and looks like Robert Pattinson, but can't act, or he can act really well and looks like Shrek. But this guy has the worst of both qualities. And it's amazing.
Jay: It feels almost like this movie was made as a practical joke on that lead actor. Like just to embarrass him.
Rich: (Laughs as his face turns red) - The movie included interviews with the director and actors. The only nice thing Vitaliy Versace can say about Not-Robert-Pattinson is that he showed up on time.note There's also a part where he asks Not-Kristen-Stewart what her favorite scene was, which is followed by a long, awkward pause.
- Mike brings up the fact that he, Rich and Jay created a cartoon character named Sergio many years ago, who was a Funny Foreigner who wants to move to America to become a film director, but is Giftedly Bad. He points out that Vitaliy Versace embodies that character. Later, Rich accuses Mike of actually creating Versace just to troll RedLetterMedia. Mike just chuckles.
- In order to fully rip off Twilight, the people behind the movie went out of their way to write and publish a book version of the movie before making the movie, just so they could say that the movie was based on a book like Twilight is. The book is 99 pages long, with large-print font and "illustrations" that are either stock images ripped off Google or pictures of the actors. And then they discover that the Versace Entertainment logo is on the back, but something is wrong with it.Colin: "Versace Entertainment".
Jay: But the T is cut off! Everything is wrong!
Colin: Oh yeah, that's right!
Rich: The T is cut off!?
Colin: Yeah, look at this, "Versace Entertainmen".
Rich: (laughs with silly music) - Not-Kristen-Stewart's family is shown eating a wholesome dinner after church, but the director clearly just bought some KFC and tried to pass if off as if they made it.
- They ponder why a 3000-year-old vampire is going to community college.Rich: Look, he's gonna fucking ace the Dracula course, alright? It's a fucking easy A for a vampire.
Colin: Every time you say "A" I thought you were gonna—
Rich: AAAAAIIIIIIIIIDS! - Not-Kristen-Stewart's little brother discovers that Not-Robert-Pattinson is a vampire when he overhears them talking. When he goes to tell his mom, she just tells him that they're rehearsing for the Dracula play at school. When he says that he heard Not-Robert-Pattinson saying food makes him sick, she suddenly believes him.Rich: (laughs) Well that's the final piece to the puzzle! Obviously my daughter's friend is a vampire!
Colin: There's no way KFC can be making you sick. - When Not-Kristen-Stewart pulls a gun on the angry mob to try and save Not-Robert-Pattinson, a gun that she found just lying around in a cabinet full of food, the crew notices that the actress doesn't even have her finger on the trigger.
- Jay compares Not-Kristen-Stewart's brother to a Garbage Pail Kid. Rich corrects him and calls him a Cabbage Patch Kid.
- They point out that Not-Robert-Pattinson is shown to have super speed, which he uses to play ping pong by himself, and despite this, he ends up being captured by "a fried chicken lady and her fat son."
- Plinketto #4: Rich Evans is Unimpressed
- Jack's Bait-and-Switch Comparison for Little Bigfoot.Jay: Little Bigfoot, starring a hideous monster.
Jack: And someone in a Bigfoot costume.
Jay: (laughs) - Jay notices Gerald Okamura from Samurai Cop as a chef in Little Bigfoot.Jay: Why would you cast him in a movie where he's not doing, like, karate stuff?
Rich: You fucking racist.
Jack: (laughs)
Mike: Oh my god! Yeah, Jay! Only Asian people can—
Jay: I'm talking about all of his other roles...in other films.
Mike: When Rich is calling you a racist, that's a problem! - Mike predicts that the Big Bad of Little Bigfoot is going to be an "old, bald, white corporate guy from a company that wants to deforest the area that Little Bigfoot lives with his family for corporate profit." He's 100% right.
- They misname the protagonist of Turbulence 3, Slade Kraven, as Slade Wilson, Kraven the Hunter, and Sammy Hagar.
- After finding out that a satanist terrorist hijacked a plane where a Death Metal concert is playing so that he can fly it over Eastern Kansas, which is apparently the seventh circle of Hell, they marvel at how Turbulence 3 keeps getting dumber.Woman: A church in Kansas is the seventh gateway to hell?
Hacker: "Even the Pope, in his visit to Colorado in 1996, would not fly over Eastern Kansas."
Rich and Jay: (laughs)
Mike: They're gonna fly into the gateway to hell!
Jay: This really does just keep getting dumber!
Woman: This is getting weirder.
Rich and Jay: (laughs)
Jack: Thank you!
Mike: I was just gonna say it's getting weirder. Not dumber. - They say that the dumbest thing that could possibly happen in the movie is if the hacker character hacks into the plane in order to land it...and that's precisely what happens, prompting them all to freak out.Mike: What's the dumbest thing that could happen?
Rich: The hacker actually takes control of the plane.
Jay: Yeah, that would be the dumbest if he literally hacks the plane.
Woman: Who's gonna land the plane?
Hacker: (Exhales, and looks over at a joystick controller)
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Mike: The dumbest thing happened!
Hacker: Well it's simple, some kids grew up playing Nintendo, for me it was flight simulators.
Mike: Fuck you!- Jack is so amazed by the above scene that he gets up and does a victory lap through another room, screaming the whole time.
- There's a shot where Little Bigfoot looks like he's masturbating because he keeps thrusting forward, with an odd expression on his face, with his hands below frame, and making weird noises. They like to think that's what was really happening, since Little Bigfoot is obviously being played by a dwarf actor who's just in it for the paycheck.
- There's a scene where the boy suddenly begins yelling at Little Bigfoot about how much he hates him and never wants to see him again, which plays out like the type of scene where he's only pretending to hate him to drive him off because he's in danger if he stays with them and they're too attached to each other for it to leave on its own. The problem is, he and Little Bigfoot had only met each other very shortly before this scene with no indication they had any attachment to each other to break, so it comes out of nowhere and comes off like he really does hate him.Mike: (Discussing the movie's lack of emotional resonance) They need the scene where Mom says, "I'm going into town", they let Little Bigfoot into the house...
Jay: They bond...
Jack: He does wacky things.
Mike: "This is TV, Little Bigfoot!" "Ooooh, TV!" And then they have bonding moments — "let me show you my baseball cards!", "let's play baseball in the backyard!" And Mom's comin' home, let's hide Little Bigfoot! (Imitates light-hearted "wacky" music) Y'know? None of that shit happens. (Barely holding it together) Little Bigfoot... is a lecherous wild animal. It's a midget in a costume that just wants — wants to masturbate. - The scene where Little Bigfoot's injured parent rests on a log, only for the log to break, causing the entire crew to roar with laughter.
- The movie has a character who is an environmentalist veterinarian, and Little Bigfoot's parent is injured. The two never meet, and the movie ends with the parent Bigfoot going through an Unexplained Recovery. Mike theorizes that this is because the actress playing the veterinarian quit due to sexual harassment from one of the loggers, which he thinks felt out of place in the movie and might have been real, so the scene where she helps Bigfoot was never filmed.Rich: It's like blue balls! It's Little Bigfoot Blue Balls!
- Jack's Bait-and-Switch Comparison for Little Bigfoot.
- The Best of the Worst 2017 Halloween Special featured Mike and Jack competing for being the most drunk.
- Mike's attempt to riff on the synopsis of Vampire Assassin falls flat because he wasn't paying attention:Jack: "Seeking out the help of one of the last vampire hunters, Master Cao, Washington begins his training, determined to hunt the ultimate killer."
Mike: Have they said anything about vampires yet?
Jack: Yeah.
Mike: Oh...
[offscreen, Rich cracks up laughing] - Jay says that the name of the director for Hack-o-Lantern sounds like the name of a disease.Jay: I have to take pills to keep my Jag Mundhra under control.
Rich: Did you catch that from Harvey Weinstein, too? - When Rich reads the description for Hack-o-Lantern, he turns nearly every sentence into a Double Entendre.Rich: "When Tommy was a boy, he saw his grandpa (Hy Pyke), the leader of a satanic cult, murder his father on Halloween night. Now Tommy (Gregory Scott Cummings)"—hashtag Harvey Weinstein—"is eighteen..."
Jay: I'm not convinced that any of these are real people.
Rich: "...and his grandpa is ready to indoctrinate him in the ways of the black arts."—hashtag Harvey Weinstein—"But as night approaches, someone dressed like a member of the cult, whose face is hidden behind a devil mask,"—hashtag Harvey Weinstein—"begins stalking and killing people connected to Tommy. Could it be grandpa, Tommy himself, or someone even more sinister"—hashtag Harvey Weinstein—"behind these increasingly brutal murders?"[...]"Massacre Video brings us this distinctly sleazy"—hashtag Harvey Weinstein—"80s classic in a brand new restoration from its original 35mm camera negative, and featuring revealing interviews with its producers and stars."
Jay: What're they gonna reveal? Information about Harvey Weinstein?
Rich: That's too much. That's one too many, hashtag Harvey Weinstein. - As Rich reads the above description, the camera starts shaking and there's muffled snickering, indicating that even the person manning the camera can barely keep it together.
- Cathy's Curse features a shot of Cathy's face with a spotlight over her eyes to look scary. But Rich immediately says "Whoa, it's Captain Kirk!"
- During the discussion, Jay calls Vampire Assassin "Dull Blade", and everyone on the panel congratulates Jay for such an amazing joke that he absolutely didn't steal from Rich when he made it while they were watching the movie.
- When talking about Vampire Assassin, Jack nicknames the reporter character (and love interest) "Siri" because of how she speaks in a Machine Monotone. They then edit in the actual Siri reading the character's lines to compare.
- The real kicker? Siri is the better actress of the two.
- Most of the shots of Gerald Okamura in Vampire Assassin are from the waist up, so Mike jokes that he's still wearing his speedo from Samurai Cop.
- Mike points out that the hero's swords have handles made from hollow copper tubing, and at one point the handles clearly broke off, forcing him to grip them in an awkward, unnatural way.Rich: His fingers are on top- His fingers are next to the blade! On top of the guard!
Jack: He's holding the guard down because it's not glued on properly.
Rich: OH MY GOD, YOU'RE RIGHT! OH MY GOD, YOU'RE RIGHT!!! - Rudy Ray Moore also makes a cameo in Vampire Assassin. Based on the set he is in, they assume his character was a kind of computer repairman.Jay: (cracks up laughing) Can you imagine going into Best Buy, going up to the Geek Squad counter, and Rudy Ray Moore is there? "What's wrong with your computer?"
Mike: "Oh, I got some virus on my computer."
Josh (as Dolemite): "Virus?!"
Jack (also as Dolemite): "What has your computer had?!"[...]I would love that tech support. I would pay extra for that.
Jay: We were talking about Siri, I wish there was a Rudy Ray Moore option for Siri.
Jack: "Motherfucker, turn right!" - Hack-o-Lantern seems to send Rich to his "Happy Place".Jay: [after a weird death scene] That was odd.
Rich: It's all fine... Everything's fine...
Jack: ...Is it?
Mike: Have you cracked, Rich?
Jack: Rich is done. - The repeated use of "Your mother's a bitch!" throughout the discussion of Cathy's Curse.
- Minutes later in the same movie, the car the man who said the line is driving crashes because of a bunny in the road. Two guys in the group both say "That bunny was a bitch!"
- Jack breaks off from the discussion of Cathy's Curse to ask Rich to bring him another beer, and the others take the opportunity to top up their own drinks. Cue an extended Drunken Montage as they fool around with their bottles and completely forget about the film.Jack: Now, I have a serious question... What were we talking about?
- A drunken Mike and Jack have an argument about whether or not the possession in Cathy's Curse can be considered "demonic" like it says on the box, with Mike repeatedly shouting "There ain't no demon in this film!" at Jack.Mike: (points to Jack) That bitch, right there, said "demonic"!
Jack: A little girl can be a demon, yo! - Mike picks Vampire Assassin as his Best of the Worst, which draws the ire of everyone else at the panel.Jay: I cannot fucking believe you.
Mike: Vampire Assassin had some great moments in it.
Jack: What!?
Mike: Great fight scenes.
Jack: What the fuck are you talking about!?
Jay: NO! NO!
Mike: I love—!
Jack: What are you talking about!?
Mike: Listen, I grew up on Len Kabasinski films.
(Josh, Jay and Jack all burst into laughter)
Mike: I enjoy a good bad kung-fu B-movie and—
(30 Minutes Earlier)
Mike: What a giant... giant... pile of shit. - When the panel decides to destroy Vampire Assassin, Mike tries to defend it using the same tactic that Jay used to prevent Feeders from being destroyed in the last episode; Trying to paint it as a movie with historical significance. It doesn't work.Mike: But Jay, can I say one thing? This film... comes from a period of time—
Jay: (laughs)
Mike: —in the late 90's. When the little guy—
Jay: This film is not a pioneer of anything!
Mike: When the little guy could make a ripoff of Blade with his own video camera.
Jay and Jack: (laughs)
Josh: Are you saying the little guy couldn't make a ripoff of Blade right now? - Mike allows them to destroy Vampire Assassin because they have two copies of it, so even if they destroy it, he'll still have one. Smash Cut to Jay saying they're going to destroy both copies of Vampire Assassin. Then, after they destroy it in a Satanic fire ritual, it cuts back to Mike, now sitting alone, as he asks the audience to send more copies of Vampire Assassin.
- Mike's attempt to riff on the synopsis of Vampire Assassin falls flat because he wasn't paying attention:
- Suburban Sasquatch is so bad that it had them speculating that it was put together by high school students, since a high school is used as a backdrop in some scenes, but to their surprise, it was put together by an adult man who was completely serious in making it.
- Jay compares the director's behind-the-scenes videos to the confession tape a serial killer would make.Jack: Just off-camera is a lamp made from a face.
Mike: He just set up the camera, the top his head's cut off and he's like "I wanna talk about why I did what I did". - Throughout the whole review, Rich mocks the director's intent for the movie to have some kind of deep Man vs. Nature theme to it.Rich: This Sasquatch is a force of nature, and mankind, the suburbs, are now encroaching upon nature.
Mike: That's a big theme, it's man's overdevelopment, destruction of nature.
Rich: And then our Native American, who represents nature, has to fight nature, to stop nature from fighting the suburbs...wait...- The message is further muddled by a scene juxtaposing socialites eating hotdogs with Sasquatch eating human flesh.Rich: Nature, who consumes things, is mad at the socialites, because they also consume things, and that's why Nature doesn't like hotdogs.
Mike: He's saying the Bigfoot is no worse than the fat socialite eating a hotdog.
Rich: So they're exactly equal and... you know what? Just go throw out more suburbs, fuck it. It's all equivalent. - He then kills two women who the crew assume as lesbians because of their mom shorts, which causes Mike to react that the sasquatch is opposed to gay marriage.
- The message is further muddled by a scene juxtaposing socialites eating hotdogs with Sasquatch eating human flesh.
- There are so many things to talk about in the movie, that the video is split into chapters. It has so many that Mike loses count and the caption has to say "Chapter 5 or 7 or Whatever" near the end.
- The panel points out how the first five minutes of the movie is very telling of how the rest of the movie is going to go. Since him, Jay, and Rich have made movies for years, Mike compares it to their own movies, where their most basic setups were better than Suburban Sasquatch.Mike: Do you remember when we filmed The Recovered, Jay?
Jay: Oh, yeah. I built a little rig.
Mike: Jay took two pieces of wood, and made a V shape, we drilled the camera to it, and braced it to the window. Done.
Jay: It's completely smooth. It's the best part of the movie.
Mike: But so his idea is "Drive at one mile an hour and I'll walk along the car, and somehow that will simulate driving". - Instead of buying cop uniforms from a Halloween store, they put some brown tape on the shoulders and chest pockets of tan shirts, got some black cop hats that don't match the rest of their "uniforms", and since they don't have holsters, the cops just carry their guns in hand all the time and hang their handcuffs from the belt loops of their pants. Mike once again makes a Call-Back, this time to their most recent film, Space CopMike: I don't want to talk about our movies, I will again though, because...our movies are terrible. When it came time to have cops in Space Cop, we went online, ordered some police shirts, got a belt at the army surplus store, found Milwaukee Police badges through eBay, just basic steps that are common sense. Like how could you screw up police costumes so badly unless it was intentional? Like here is a picture of what a cop looks like (shows Eric Estrada from CHiPs). Even those little radios that cops talk into, you could buy those!
Rich: No, you just turn around and talk to your fax machine. - Mike pictures what the director/writer thought the scenes would look like while he was writing them, with how it was probably written in the script, and then cutting to how they actually ended up looking.
- Jack's Punny Name for the Native American woman, based on the fact that she's played by a Mexican; El Pollohontas.
- His ending joke, "After honing his craft, I think he might get an Ooscar" earns him Joke of the Show.
- The song they use for the episode's end credits is the song the movie uses, and it's so ridiculous that they have to include a disclaimer that it is the song used in Suburban Sasquatch.
- Jay compares the director's behind-the-scenes videos to the confession tape a serial killer would make.
- Wheel of the Worst #16:
- Mike and Josh explain each film on the Wheel and come to a returned "Young People Ask: How Can I Make *REAL* Friends?"Josh: Pay attention, internet.
Mike: It should be called "People Who Play Video Games: How Can I Make *REAL* Friends?" - Mike reads the title of High Impact: Forklift Safety as Fucklift Safely.
- Mike makes fun of Rich's Pac-Man shirt.Rich: This Pac-Man shirt is fucking awesome and you can't handle it.
(beat)
Mike: Let me just say this; If I had that shirt, I would be so ashamed. Now, why don't you tell me all about manners, and who needs 'em!?
Rich: I would say that you need manners, Mike. - Manners: Who Needs Them? features one of the most awkward raps ever put on film, and considering the era of the video, that's saying a lot. A pasty white man dressed as George Washington in a pair of Cool Shades, rapping about table manners and plate setting.George Washington: Check it out, this is how the table's set. Knife's on the right, fork's on the left—
Jay: How embarrassing.
George Washington: Plate's in the middle, and the glass is to the right. Utensils are used from outside in, remember this—
Rich: Can we find and embarrass this man?
George Washington: Don't slurp your soup, don't reach and grab, when you butter your bread just take a little dab—
Rich: I know what song is ending this video! - They talk about Rich arriving at the funeral of the guy who played George Washington and completely ruining the ceremony. Which starts off with Mike insulting Rich's Pac-Man shirt again.Mike: He was probably twenty when he did this video. And now he's forty five with a job, a wife and children in high school. No one knows he did it. Now some slobs from Milwaukee know about it. Well now he's dead, his wife and two daughters are grieving at his funeral and you're there in your Pac-Man shirt.
Mike: Hopefully it's an open casket so you can throw some MC Hammer plates on it. On his corpse.
Jay: Some Styrofoam silverware? Comically oversized Styrofoam forks?
Mike: Yup, and then just say "This is your husband's legacy. This is your husband's, and your father's" as you look to his children. "This is his legacy. It's an embarrassing rap video, now part of Best of the Worst Episode 128." Or whatever episode. And then as they're lowering the casket into the Earth, you take a giant dump on it! While wearing your Pac-Man shirt, but no pants. And then you say to his daughters...
Jay: "Manners; Who needs them!?" - Top Slots- Spotting the Best consists entirely of an extremely hyperactive man named Jimmy "The Scot" Jordon reading aloud whatever information is written on the fronts of slot machines. He has no actual insider information on what slot machines put out the most jackpots, as demonstrated by the fact that he never wins a single time, and by the end of the video, he's clearly out of money.Jimmy: Now I'm not here to fool you on these machines, I'm gonna play 'em, and I'm gonna play 'em once, and I'm not gonna play 'em again and again and again. It might take too long to become a winner, and production costs are exorbitant, so I'm trying to keep the cost of this tape down, you're buying this tape for the instructional value only, not for its production—
Rich: What!? What!?
Mike: He said he's out of money! I was just joking about that!
Rich: Just play some more slots, Jimmy!
Josh: He said that the production costs are enormous! ENORMOUS!
Jay: So he's just gonna talk about them now!
Mike: Because he's run out of money! The master at beating the slot machines...has run out of money!
Josh: And he's going to continue this informational tape! God bless him, against all odds, he's gonna finish this goddamn tape! - Top Slots — Spotting the Best's opening scene is not very promising. No one is into Jimmy's annoying habit of pointing out everything on the slot machine to read. He then gives it a spin and turns the humor on.Jimmy: CHERRY!
Rich: (bursts into laughter) - When Jay describes the video as a coked out lunatic describing slot machines to the audience.Mike: Coked out lunatic? This man is a U.S. senator now! (everyone laughs) Be careful what you say!
- Surviving Edged Weapons has been declared the single greatest tape ever showcased on Best of the Worst. It is filled to the brim with insane dramatic reenactments of police attacks with knives and other sharp weapons, is actually informative, and to the delight of the entire panel, was filmed in Milwaukee, with nearly everyone having comically over-the-top Wisconsin accents.
- Among the dramatic reenactments include a stabbing in caveman times, a man getting stabbed by a medieval sword while trying to arrest a man at his house, a cocaine deal going on in a bar, a cop getting a meat cleaver to the head, a cop getting shot at by a man with a crossbow, a biker stabbing a cop with a knife hidden in his gas cap, a machete wielding maniac charging at a cop in her car, a psych ward patient using the glass of a broken window to cut off his own finger and throw it at a cop as a distraction, and a SATANIC RITUAL.Rich: And that was when you thought the video couldn't get any crazier. You thought we had reached maximum crazy with the cocaine deal scene.
Josh: No.
Jay: And then Satan. Satanism. - The video contains several reenacted dick stabbings, and then autopsy photos of an actual dick stabbing. Jay asks Rich if he looked, which he did, saying he had to. Jay says that he didn't look. Cut to video of Jay clearly looking at it.
- Mike ends the video pretty drunk and spaced out.Jay: Should we start a Best of the Worst Hall of Fame? Should this be the first entry in the Best of the Worst Hall of Fame?
Rich: Uh, yes. Yes. Surviving Edged Weapons and Cameron Mitchell portrait.
Mike: Yeah, it goes— it goes in the Hall of Best of— Uh, it goes in the Hall of...What did you say?
Jay: Hall of Fame!
Mike: Oh. It goes in the Hall of Fame! As one of the Best of the Worst Hall of Fame inductees.
Jay: The first entry.
Mike: It's the first inductee in the Best of the Worst Wheel of the Worst Hall of Fame. Rich, what is your pick for Best of the Worst?
Rich: W-we just did that. I already picked Surviving Edged Weapons.
- Mike and Josh explain each film on the Wheel and come to a returned "Young People Ask: How Can I Make *REAL* Friends?"
- Merry Kick-mas begins with Rich standing with a Thousand-Yard Stare holding a giant candy cane. He then attempts to choke himself to death with the candy cane. All while a jolly instrumental version of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" plays in the background.
- There is a very noticeable pause after Jay explains the two types of films they will be picking this year.Jay: [I]t's either Christmas movies, or movies that have someone kicking on the cover. (awkward pause)(cut to Rich looking astounded as the music cuts out)(cut to Jay, trying not to smile as his sips from his cup)(cut to Rich)Rich: ...okay.
- After watching Karate Cop, featuring David Carradine...Mike: Boy oh boy, that movie sure was a hoot. It's a shame about all those autoerotic asphyxiation jokes, though. I really think we did them in excess.
(The opening riff of "Need You Tonight" plays)
Rich: If you got that joke, please comment on this video. note - Jack opening his gift with a knife, making Mike extremely nervous and giving him flashbacks to ''Surviving Edged Weapons''.
- Rich's inability to say "breasts".Jack: This feels like it was created from an algorithm of awesome stuff, like "Cops are cool, karate's awesome, Karate Cop."
Jay: Post-apocalypse, uh, Indiana Jones.
Rich: Breast.
Jay: (Laughs) Just one?
Rich: Huge, bouncing breast.
Mike: Why are you saying it singular?
Rich: Breasts! I'm saying it plural! - They continue to make jokes about David Carradine's death.Jay: He's the worst actor, Ron Marchini, which is exemplified the most in the one scene with David Carradine, who we all remember from- from dying...while masturbating.
Mike: He did some other things in life, but mainly we remember him for choking himself to death while jerking off. That's what he'll be known for. He did some film work.
Jay: Forever and always.
Rich: Wait, wait, David Carradine died via autoerotic asphyxiation? Wow, that's horribly embarrassing. Like, if that happened, that'd be the only thing people would remember about you.
Jay: I know, you'll never live it down...
Rich: Well he certainly won't live it down, because he died via autoerotic asphyxiation. - Rich pointing out that he's the only one they make fun of whenever he flubs a word, and everyone else gets to redo it.Jay: Well the point is that subversing your expectations, in and of itself-
Mike: Subverting.
Jay: The point is that subverting your expectations, in and of itself-
Rich: So when he does it, he gets to take it again, when I do it, it's "Fuck you."
Mike: I corrected Jack, too. I just don't correct you, cause then we use it in the video.- Then Mike flubs a line.Jay: Wildly inconsistent.
Mike: Wildly incons- inconsin- sin- consistent.
Jay: In The Simpsons? What? Wildly The Simpsons.
Rich: Do you wanna take that again? - Then finally, Rich's point is proven right when he flubs a line.Jack: But he's doing the fancy nunchuk stuff, but then the nunchucks are actually gunchucks.
Rich: Gun Chunks (TM), RedLetterMedia.
Jay: (Laughing) Gun Chunks?
Mike: He said chunks.
Jack: Little pieces of guns. (Everyone laughs) Tossed in a stew.
Rich: Fuck my life.
Mike: You know what? Rich needs a t-shirt that says "That's stayin' in!"
- Then Mike flubs a line.
- They wrap up their discussion of Christmas Lights by turning it into some not so subtle digs at The Last Jedi and how the film was more interested in subverting expectations than a coherent narrative.
- Their suggestion that Dutch actor Carel Struycken, who is 7 feet tall and has acromegaly, was actually one of the Munchkins in The Wizard of Oz, they just filmed him with a special lens to make him seem smaller.
- The Bad Guy Bar in Night of the Kickfighters was clearly just the only bar they could get permission to film in. As they point out, it's actually a very nice looking bar, and their only attempt to make the place look seedy was to put a stripper way in the background, dancing in front of a red curtain on a stage no bigger than their table.
- Their assumption that Night of the Kickfighters ended just because they ran out of film. The woman whose accent keeps changing rides off in a speedboat, only for it to be blown up by a Star Wars explosion. Not even a second into the explosion, the shot fades to a wedding. The main protagonist is not in attendance because he's mourning the loss of the team's hacker woman, who he has had no interaction with in the entire movie. Then it just ends.
- They pick Karate Cop as the worst, and prepare to destroy it by kicking really high. Cue a Smash Cut to the "Emergency Groin Surgery" wing of the hospital.
- There is a very noticeable pause after Jay explains the two types of films they will be picking this year.
