Funny / Astérix


  • In Asterix and the Goths, when the local Roman camp mistakes Asterix and Obelix for the Goth horde they're supposed to be on the lookout for, our heroes steal uniforms from some legionaries to disguise themselves, with Asterix telling Obelix that for the sake of the masquerade they're Asterus and Obelus, and to shout things like "By Jupiter!" Later on the two ditch their disguises and enter Germania. When they bump into a Goth patrol. Obelix introduces himself as, "Ave, by Jupiter! I'm Legionary Obelus and my friend is Legionary Asterus!"
    • Rhetoric's introduction to the magic potion. Essentially, Obelix knocks the door down, and Getafix asks the guard for a cauldron and a list of ingredients. The guard complies, and nails the door shut. Not two seconds later, Obelix knocks the door down again, as Getafix asks for a pinch of salt. Frustrated, the guard complies, and repairs the door again. A second later, the door is knocked down again, as Getafix forgot to say thanks.
    • And when Rhetoric finally tastes the potion, he tests his new strength… on the door.
  • A Roman legion captures Asterix and Obelix in Asterix and the Banquet. As one of the guards tries to chain the pair up, he takes care of Obelix, and starts looking for some more chains for Asterix. Obelix hands him some, breaking his own in the process. Now that Asterix is chained up, the guard tries to tie Obelix up. But he's so nervous, it's taking a while. Asterix offers to help, breaking his chains in the process. Then when they're both chained up, Asterix points out that they've forgotten the bag of food, breaking the chains. Obelix goes over to grab it, breaking his own chains. The guard is reduced to a sobbing wreck, with the centurion awkwardly saying they won't bother with the chains.
  • In Asterix and Cleopatra, the captain of the boat ferrying the stone for the palace has been bribed to "lose" it. He orders his workmen to throw the bricks into the Nile. One guy comments an owl, a person (both underlined), a symbol, and a feather (caption "'Bain't no use argufyin' with he". Another guy comments an owl laughing madly, a person tapping his head (both underlined by a wavy line), a symbol that has fallen apart, and a tattered feather (caption "Oi reckon gaffer be crazy").
  • Asterix and The Big Fight: The camouflaged detachment.
    Felonius Caucus: Er... Nebulus Nimbus... that's the garden hedge... the camouflage detachment... (points to a group of legionaries wearing a few twigs) is over there!
  • The "Tower of Londinium" scene from Asterix in Britain. Obelix and Dipsomaniax escape their cell on the top floor and fight their way to the bottom of the tower. Seconds later, Asterix and Anticlimax enter the tower through the other entrance and fight their way to the top, calling for Obelix. Obelix hears them, and fights his way back up the tower as Asterix fights his way back down, until they finally meet in the middle. This is made doubly funny in the animated version when Obelix' descent involves knocking a legionary into a wall to create a legionary-shaped indentation, and then Asterix' ascent involves converting the indentation into a legionary-shaped hole.
  • Asterix the Legionary is packed with funny moments.
    • Obelix walking into a tree upon seeing Panacea for the first time... and effortlessly knocking it over (to the anger of Getafix, who was up in the tree cutting mistletoe at the time).
    • Asterix suggests that the smitten Obelix go visit Panacea at her father's house. Obelix bashfully kicks a full-grown tree... again, knocking it over. This is funny in itself, but the cherry on top is that the tree is where Cacofonix's house is.
      Cacofonix: (red-faced with anger) BUT I WASN'T EVEN SINGING!
    • While trying to join/infiltrate the Roman legion to find Panacea's lost fiancé, Obelix beats up a Roman patrol that Asterix only wanted to question. Asterix chides him for not being polite. Later Asterix loses his temper with a stubborn guard and punches him skyward. For the rest of the book Obelix uses "being polite" as a euphemism for beating up the Romans.
      Obelix: I don't see the difference between Asterix's politeness and mine.
    • When the Legionaries are taking lunch, Asterix explains to Obelix that the stronger the army, the more disgusting the food is ("that's what keeps the men in a nasty mood"). Comes the food, Asterix tastes it...
      Asterix (disgusted): I didn't know the Roman army was that strong!
    • When they're being fitted for their uniforms, Obelix insists he's a medium size. Reality Ensues as his cuirass goes flying—and strikes Nefarius Purpus in the face.
      Purpus: *Symbol Swearing in Latin*
      Hemispheric: *in Proto-Germanic* What did the centurion say?
      Interpreter: *in Proto-Germanic* He said *Symbol Swearing*.
      Purpus: *in Latin* What did you say to him?
      Interpreter: *translates the Swearing back into Latin*
    • Anything involving Ptenisnet, the Egyptian tourist drafted into the Roman army who spends the entire rest of the book still blissfully convinced he's on a package tour. On the sea voyage to northern Africa, he follows every comment by the sergeant with hieroglyphs translating as "Old hairy [body part that rhymes with the sergeant's last word]". When the sergeant tells the legionaries that when they get to port, they'll all get their "tot of rum", he cuts off the obvious follow-up from Ptenisnet by shouting, "And if that Egyptian speaks another hieroglyph I will personally throw him overboard!"
    • After Asterix's band arrives at the camp, each of them wanders into Caesar's tent, culminating in an exasperated "WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE!?!" from Caesar. Just as Nefarius Purpus is telling the legion that they should stop the funny business or it's the guardroom, guess where he's taken.
    • The battle between the armies of Caesar and Scipio. The two armies end up completely entangled as a result of conflicting orders from the various officers, to the point that one of the tortoises has soldiers from both Caesar and Scipio's armies in it, and no-one knows which is which. Scipio finally surrenders simply because he can't make sense of what is happening on the battlefield.
    Ptenisnet: (Speaks a series of hieroglyphs)
    Translator: He wants to know what's going on.
    Gastronomix: Tell him we're just as confused as he is!
  • Asterix trying to sell a herd of boars in Asterix and the Cauldron, and ending up in a shouting contest with another boar salesman. Made doubly funny by Obelix refusing to rise to the occasion.
    Obelix: (Very quietly) Boars, boars, best prime boars.
    • The one pirate who escapes a beating is hidden in a cauldron, and drives Obelix away by saying "Noooo! There's nothing here but chestnuts!"note  As the Gauls walk away, Obelix laments not taking the chestnuts, Asterix says they're not in season... and Obelix has to be restrained from going back.
  • From Asterix In Spain: "I-DO-NOT-HIRE-OUT-FISH!!!"
    • Bacteria thinks that hiring boats is a better idea: "People are so careless. The state they return their fish in..."
    • And yet his Sitcom Archnemesis Fulliautomatix does "rent" a fish to hit Cacofonix later.
  • In Asterix and the Roman Agent, the final battle is so spread out a map is added to make sense of it. The key contains several gems:
    10: Druid Getafix awaiting the outcome of the battle beside his cauldron, now empty.
    11: Bard Cacofonix asking the druid what it's all about and what, might he ask, is going on?
    12: Pirate ship sunk by the Gauls pouring out at (8) full of enthusiasm, discovering on arrival at the beach that there are no Romans available, and deciding not to waste their time anyway, by Toutatis.
    14: Fulliautomatix, village blacksmith, seeing a friend.
    15: Unhygienix, village fishmonger, friend of the aforementioned.
    16 (A Roman centurion looking back and forth between the two): Meeting place of the two friends.
    • Part of Convolvulus' plan involves putting on a show of the Romans having Magic Potion. The Legionaries are quite happy to have the Potion, only for Convolvulus to cry out in frustration, "But I explained it all to you! We're just pretending!"
    • Convolvulus' talent for causing chaos, even when he's just standing there, ending up in a banquet at Caesar's house turning into a mass brawl. Convolvulus calls for everybody's attention, says that he didn't mean to cause trouble, and says that "if, in the past, you have taken advantage of Caesar's gullibility..." Cue Caesar yelling "Gullible, ME?" and getting a wink from Convolvulus, delighting him with his new secret weapon. Not to mention the casual way he deals with the pirates...
    • How Convolvulus'... talents... first became apparent: he was thrown into the Arena with starving lions. The lions then ate each other.
    • Magnumopus hitting people on the head and calling it "psychological warfare".
  • The Roman orgy illustrated in Asterix In Switzerland.
  • In ''Asterix And the Mansions of the Gods", Asterix, Obelix and Getafix try to stop the construction by using acorns treated with a magic potion to instantly regrow trees that were torn down the night before. They go back to Asterix's hut for some lunch and this dialogue ensues:
    Obelix: Oh, look, I've still got one of those acorns left!
    (Next panel shows the three of them sitting at the the top of a tree that has grown out through the roof of the hut!)
    Obelix: Dogmatix wouldn't like that... We'd better move house. I say, you're right, oak trees do grow fast!
  • In Asterix and the Laurel Wreath, Asterix' first ploy to get himself and Obelix sacked as Humerus' slaves is to throw everything in the kitchen into a single cauldron; when Humerus' major-domo tastes the stew, he turns white, then red, then green, then blue, then he flips upside-down, breathes fire, and begins growling in an almost feral way before coughing up bubbles (one of the ingredients having been carbolic soap). When the stew is served to Humerus and his family, it somehow cures his son Metatarsus' massive hangover, and as the shaken Humerus compliments the Gauls but releases them from future duties in the kitchen, Obelix sneaks a taste of the stew. As they return to the kitchen, this exchange occurs:
    Asterix: I don't understand... how can they have liked it?
    Obelix: You're right... it was a bit insipid. (Asterix is dumbfounded)
  • While Prolix from Asterix and the Soothsayer (and the animated film which combines it with Asterix and the Big Fight) is an antagonist that leeches off the entire village and drives a stake between them and our heroic duo as a result, he gets ridiculously funny once the Romans capture him, and his situation grows worse and worse. He tries his usual schtick on the centurion to get him on his side, only to find out that they have orders to arrest all Gaul prophets. Then he backpedals, but he already told the centurion so many lies he wanted to hear that he wants to keep him around. For the rest of the movie, Prolix tries to come up with utter random bullshit just to prove he's a not a prophet - but everything he says keeps coming true, just worsening the situation further, as the centurion wants to keep him around and will flay him if he finds he's lying, and his right hand man wants to arrest Prolix. You would feel sorry for him if you weren't laughing so hard.
  • From Asterix in Corsica.
  • After a fight with Asterix in Asterix and Caesar's Gift, Obelix goes to the inn for a drink, and... "A goat's milk, please!"
  • Asterix and the Great Crossing opens with another fish fight breaking out after Fulliautomatix cannot resist making a joke on "smelt" in front of a seething Unhygienix. Asterix and Obelix return from a boar hunt to see all the villagers except Getafix and Cacofonix involved in the brawl, and Obelix remarks that he doesn't see why fish are worth fighting over - he never eats them. One of the fighters shouts, "Well you should! Fish is good for the brain!" An enraged Obelix roars, "WHO SAID THAT!?" and charges into the fray. (In the animated version, Asterix in America, Obelix is instead upset that the other villagers are having so much fun (i.e., fighting) without them, and jumps into the Big Ball of Violence.)
  • Several from Asterix and Son:
    • When Asterix goes to report the baby's abandonment on his doorstep to Vitalstatistix, Impedimenta acidically remarks that if a baby is left on a single man's doorstep, "people are bound to think things!" Asterix asks, "Things? What things?" Cue individual panels of Getafix, Cacofonix, and Vitalstatistix looking at Asterix as if to say, "Just why was the baby left on your doorstep?", to Asterix' outrage.
    • Asterix is in Vitalstatistix's house when Obelix pops in, carrying a menhir;
    Vitalstatistix: Obelix, my boy, I wish to goodness you'd take your menhir off when you come indoors!
    Obelix: But, chief, menhirs are high fashion indoors as well as out!
    Vitalstatistix: (Panel shows large hole where door used to be) Too high for MY door by half, you idiot!
  • In Asterix and the Magic Carpet, when the village leaders are in Vitalstatistix's hut and discussing the Fakir's request to take Cacofonix back to his kingdom to end the drought, Cacofonix protests that his singing does not cause rain, and sings to prove it. It starts raining inside the hut! (Obelix doesn't understand why Impedimenta is so upset; not every Gaulish hut has running water laid on!)
  • From Asterix and the Secret Weapon, when the female legionnaries have gotten instated. (Their introduction also qualifies, with all of the legionnaries having a reaction in the vein of Head-Tiltingly Kinky.)
    Legionnaire 1: If women can join the legions now, what use are we going to be?
    Legionnaire 2: I could tell you! I wouldn't even mind being a domesticus in that camp!
  • At the start of Asterix and Obelix All at Sea, Caesar swears he'll feed admiral Crustacius to the lions if he can't recover his galley. In the end the galley is destroyed, but Crustacius is now a statue... So Caesar, who always keeps his word, puts him in the arena as a statue with the caption "In memory of the silliest Sausage in Rome", hoping that one day lions will develop a taste for granite.
    • Also, Cleopatra's face when she asks Caesar about the statue and gets the answer above (Caesar doesn't tell her it's the actual Crustacius transformed in a statue).
  • Obelix's Catch Phrase "These Romans are crazy" in the Italian version. Why? It's translated as "Sono Pazzi Questi Romani", written this way to parallel the Roman motto "Senatus Populusque Romani" ("The Roman Senate and People").
  • The very fact that Obelix is a menhir delivery man. Why would he deliver such a seemingly useless thing? A short story in Asterix and the Class Act mentions that historians do not know the historical purpose of menhirs, and neither do any of the characters. Whatever it was, they probably weren't "delivered" by anyone.
    • As Getafix puts in in Obelix and Co, "We've been using menhirs for centuries, and we still don't know what they're for".


  • The Twelve Tasks of Asterix is quite probably the funniest animated Asterix movie ever made:
    • At the beginning, the narrator wonders if the audience needs to be reintroduced to the famous member of Asterix's village (Gauls look very proud). When asking if anyone hasn't heard of the Gauls, dozens of hands go up (Gauls look very upset).
    • The Lair of the Beast segment: Asterix and Obelix have to get out of the titular place alive, which houses a creature nobody ever saw and came back to tell the tale. Cue a series of creepy and surreal moments, until they finally get at the threshold of the Beast's cave... And immediately we switch to a typical bright Roman town. Asterix and Obelix just get out of a sewer grate and sit next to Caius Tiddlus, the clerk who's accompanying them on their journey, who's already waiting for them in a tavern. The kicker comes when Tiddlus asks them what the Beast was like...
      Obelix: Very tasty! Waiter! I'd like a drink!
    • The House That Sends You Mad segment which immediately follows. Asterix and Obelix just have to get an application form in a standard administration. Sounds easy, right? Well, there's a reason why it's called the House That Sends You Mad...
    • The entire Colosseum climax. This has got to be seen to be believed (link is in French, but it's mainly visual).
    • Asterix versus Iris. He defeats him by distracting him with comments about how useful his glowing eyes must be for reading in the dark, and gets him to hypnotise himself into thinking he's a boar.
    • Asterix's rant when the ghosts haunting the mountain prevents him from sleeping after all the crap he's been through is so hilariously awesome.
  • Every time a Roman speaks in the Italian dub, he does so in Rome's dialect.