History Funny / Asterix

23rd Jul '17 6:47:00 AM LordKaarvani
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* In ''Asterix and Cleopatra'', the captain of the boat ferrying the stone for the palace has been bribed to "lose" it. He orders his workmen to throw the bricks into the Nile. One guy comments an owl, a person (both underlined), a symbol, and a feather (caption "'[[UsefulNotes/TheWestCountry Bain't no use argufyin' with he]]". Another guy comments an owl laughing madly, a person tapping his head (both underlined by a wavy line), a symbol that has fallen apart, and a tattered feather (caption "Oi reckon gaffer be crazy").

to:

* In ''Asterix and Cleopatra'', the captain of the boat ferrying the stone for the palace has been bribed to "lose" it. He orders his workmen to throw the bricks into the Nile. One guy comments an owl, a person (both underlined), a symbol, and a feather (caption "'[[UsefulNotes/TheWestCountry Bain't no use argufyin' with he]]". Another guy comments an owl laughing madly, a person tapping his head (both underlined by a wavy line), a symbol that has fallen apart, and a tattered feather (caption "Oi reckon gaffer be crazy"). [[note]]The workers have a Marseilles accent in the French version[[/note]]
17th Jul '17 12:51:30 PM Galaxithea
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-->'''Crismus Bonus:''' ''[jumping up and down in a rage]'' YOU'VE EATEN MY STRAWBERRIES AND NOW YOU HAVEN'T GOT ANY STRAWBERRIES AND YOU WANT MORE STRAWBERRIES AND IT ISN'T FAIR AND I'VE JUST ABOUT HAD ENOUGH!

to:

-->'''Crismus Bonus:''' ''[jumping up and down in a rage]'' [[VillainousBreakdown YOU'VE EATEN MY STRAWBERRIES AND NOW YOU HAVEN'T GOT ANY STRAWBERRIES AND YOU WANT MORE STRAWBERRIES AND IT ISN'T FAIR AND I'VE JUST ABOUT HAD ENOUGH!ENOUGH!]]
14th Mar '17 11:22:28 AM mlsmithca
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** When Noxius Vapus orders Titus Crapulus to stop Asterix and Obelix from leaving garrison HQ to continue their search for the missing Winesanspirix, Crapulus falls in the legionaries, and the following exchange takes place:

to:

** When Noxius Vapus orders Titus Crapulus to stop Asterix and Obelix from leaving garrison HQ to continue their search for the missing Winesanspirix, Crapulus falls in the legionaries, and the following exchange takes place:place. The funniest part is the very tall legionary in the back row who keeps accidentally smacking the legionary in front of him across the back of the head, knocking off his helmet and leaving him grimacing in pain:



'''Legionaries:''' ''[saluting, in unison]'' '''AVE!'''[[note]] As they salute, a particularly large legionary knocks off the helmet of the legionary standing in front of him, to the latter's annoyance.[[/note]]\\

to:

'''Legionaries:''' ''[saluting, in unison]'' '''AVE!'''[[note]] As they salute, a particularly large legionary knocks off the helmet of the legionary standing in front of him, to the latter's annoyance.[[/note]]\\'''AVE!'''\\



'''Legionaries:''' ''[pointing to their left, in unison]'' '''THEY WENT THATAWAY!'''[[note]] As they point, the large legionary smacks the back of the head of the soldier in front of him again.[[/note]]

to:

'''Legionaries:''' ''[pointing to their left, in unison]'' '''THEY WENT THATAWAY!'''[[note]] As they point, the large legionary smacks the back of the head of the soldier in front of him again.[[/note]]THATAWAY!'''



** The scene with the tax collector:
-->'''Tax Collector:''' Are you:
--->'''A:''' Ordinary passersby?
--->'''B:''' Motivated by friendly intentions?
--->'''C:''' Bandits?
-->'''Asterix:''' Give us your money if you don't want to get thumped!
-->'''Tax Collector:''' Are you:
--->'''A:''' Ordinary passersby?
--->'''B:''' Motivated by friendly intentions?
--->'''C:''' ''(checked)'' Bandits?

to:

** The scene with the tax collector:
-->'''Tax
collector (a caricature of once and future Minister of Finance and future President Valéry Giscard d'Estaing), whose dialogue is entirely rendered in tax form fonts:
--->'''Tax
Collector:''' PLEASE GIVE:
---->'''1.''' Your reasons for holding us up\\
'''2.''' An apology\\
'''3.''' Permission for us to proceed
--->''[Asterix pushes aside the centurion leading the tax collector's bodyguard]''\\
'''Occupation:
Are you:
--->'''A:'''
you:'''
---->'''a)'''
Ordinary passersby?
--->'''B:'''
passersby?\\
'''b)'''
Motivated by friendly intentions?
--->'''C:'''
intentions?\\
'''c)'''
Bandits?
-->'''Asterix:''' --->'''Asterix:''' Give us your money if you don't want to get thumped!
-->'''Tax
thumped!\\
'''Tax
Collector:''' Are you:
--->'''A:'''
'''Occupation: are you:'''
---->'''a)'''
Ordinary passersby?
--->'''B:'''
passersby?\\
'''b)'''
Motivated by friendly intentions?
--->'''C:'''
intentions?\\
'''c)'''
''(checked)'' Bandits?Bandits?
--->''[pointing angrily at Asterix]'' FINAL DEMAND: ''Do not offer us any physical violence. All claims to be addressed to Caesar, Julius, City of Rome.''\\
''[a few minutes later, after Asterix and Obelix have bashed in the tax collector's bodyguards]''\\
'''Asterix:''' Now then, hand over your money!\\
'''Tax Collector: You will be taxed on the sum of which you are about to take possession'''\\
'''Asterix:''' ''[grabs the chest from under the tax collector]'' I want to fill my cauldron. If there's any money left over you can have a tax return.\\
'''Tax Collector: Your instalment on account will be deductible from the sum finally due.'''\\
'''Asterix:''' ''[empties the chest into the cauldron]'' Awfully sorry... it's exactly the amount we need... coming, Obelix? ''[they leave]''\\
'''Tax Collector:''' ''[livid]'' '''A RECEIPT! I WANT A SIGNED RECEIPT!'''
14th Mar '17 10:44:02 AM Bissek
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Added DiffLines:

** The scene with the tax collector:
-->'''Tax Collector:''' Are you:
--->'''A:''' Ordinary passersby?
--->'''B:''' Motivated by friendly intentions?
--->'''C:''' Bandits?
-->'''Asterix:''' Give us your money if you don't want to get thumped!
-->'''Tax Collector:''' Are you:
--->'''A:''' Ordinary passersby?
--->'''B:''' Motivated by friendly intentions?
--->'''C:''' ''(checked)'' Bandits?
3rd Mar '17 12:38:22 PM Xtifr
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** After Asterix's band arrives at the camp, each of them wanders into [[Creator/GaiusJuliusCaesar Caesar]]'s tent, culminating in an exasperated "WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE!?!" from Caesar. Just as Nefarius Purpus is telling the legion that they should stop the funny business or it's the guardroom, guess where he's taken.

to:

** After Asterix's band arrives at the camp, each of them wanders into [[Creator/GaiusJuliusCaesar [[UsefulNotes/JuliusCaesar Caesar]]'s tent, culminating in an exasperated "WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE!?!" from Caesar. Just as Nefarius Purpus is telling the legion that they should stop the funny business or it's the guardroom, guess where he's taken.
19th Feb '17 12:29:09 AM mlsmithca
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'''Poisonus Fungus:''' '''''[[SymbolSwearing #%&@$]]'''''

to:

'''Poisonus Fungus:''' '''''[[SymbolSwearing #%&@$]]'''''''[very loud SymbolSwearing]''


Added DiffLines:

** After Asterix and Obelix are smuggled ashore in bags by Seniorservix and his employees at Gesocribatum, Seniorservix whispers to one of the bags that he'll let them know when the coast is clear...
--->'''Asterix:''' All right, but did you know you're talking to our shopping bag?
18th Feb '17 9:34:17 PM mlsmithca
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* In ''Asterix and the Golden Sickle'', as Asterix and Obelix are pursuing the Arvernian innkeeper who sold them out to Clovogarlix and Navishtrix as he flees Lutetia on the road to Gergovia. As they head down the road, a young man in a two-horse chariot zooms past an ox-cart, to the disdain of the driver's wife... and a few panels later, we see the chariot driver has been pulled over for speeding! The icing on the cake is his facial expression and body language; we can almost hear him saying "But officer!..." as the legionary writing the ticket looks impassive.



* A Roman legion captures Asterix and Obelix in ''Asterix and the Banquet''. As one of the guards tries to chain the pair up, he takes care of Obelix, and then after putting Asterix in chains, he tries to remember where he left his hammer. There is a crack off panel, and Obelix is suddenly standing next to him, free of his chains and holding the guard's hammer. Now that Asterix is chained up, the guard tries to tie Obelix up again. But he's so nervous, it's taking a while. Asterix offers to help, breaking ''his'' chains in the process. Then when they're both chained up, Asterix points out that they've forgotten the bag of food, breaking the chains. Obelix goes over to grab it, breaking his own chains. The guard is reduced to a sobbing wreck, with the centurion awkwardly saying they won't bother with the chains.

to:

* *''Asterix and the Banquet'':
** When LaResistance leader Jellibabix leads the troops of Prefect Poisonus Fungus on a wild goose chase that gets them hopelessly lost in Lugdunum's labyrinthine streets, the prefect decides to go in after them, but leaves a [[TrailOfBreadCrumbs trail of pebbles]] so that he can find his way out again (a caption notes the similarity to [[Literature/HanselAndGretel a famous fairy tale]]). Then, as Asterix and Obelix leave the city, we see the prefect's plan hit a snag...
--->'''Legionary:''' Oh, was it you who dropped all those pebbles, O Prefect Poisonus Fungus? Here, I've been picking them up for you!\\
'''Poisonus Fungus:''' '''''[[SymbolSwearing #%&@$]]'''''
**
A Roman legion captures Asterix and Obelix in ''Asterix and after they unwittingly spend the Banquet''.night in their camp. As one of the guards tries to chain the pair up, he takes care of Obelix, and then after putting Asterix in chains, he tries to remember where he left his hammer. There is a crack off panel, and Obelix is suddenly standing next to him, free of his chains and holding the guard's hammer. Now that Asterix is chained up, the guard tries to tie Obelix up again. But he's so nervous, it's taking a while. Asterix offers to help, breaking ''his'' chains in the process. Then when they're both chained up, Asterix points out that they've forgotten the bag of food, breaking the chains. Obelix goes over to grab it, breaking his own chains. The guard is reduced to a sobbing wreck, with the centurion awkwardly saying they won't bother with the chains.



-->'''Felonius Caucus''': Er... Nebulus Nimbus... that's the garden hedge... the camouflage detachment... (''points to a group of legionaries [[EpicFail wearing a few twigs]]'') is over there!

to:

-->'''Felonius Caucus''': Er... Nebulus Nimbus... that's the garden hedge... the camouflage detachment... (''points to a group of legionaries [[EpicFail wearing a few twigs]]'') is over there!there![[note]] Their pathetic disguise was a failed ploy to get out of having to capture Getafix; they finally leave the camp in much more convincing disguises.[[/note]]
16th Feb '17 8:52:36 PM mlsmithca
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* A Roman legion captures Asterix and Obelix in ''Asterix and the Banquet''. As one of the guards tries to chain the pair up, he takes care of Obelix, and starts looking for some more chains for Asterix. Obelix hands him some, breaking his own in the process. Now that Asterix is chained up, the guard tries to tie Obelix up. But he's so nervous, it's taking a while. Asterix offers to help, breaking ''his'' chains in the process. Then when they're both chained up, Asterix points out that they've forgotten the bag of food, breaking the chains. Obelix goes over to grab it, breaking his own chains. The guard is reduced to a sobbing wreck, with the centurion awkwardly saying they won't bother with the chains.

to:

* A Roman legion captures Asterix and Obelix in ''Asterix and the Banquet''. As one of the guards tries to chain the pair up, he takes care of Obelix, and starts looking for some more then after putting Asterix in chains, he tries to remember where he left his hammer. There is a crack off panel, and Obelix is suddenly standing next to him, free of his chains for Asterix. Obelix hands him some, breaking his own in and holding the process. guard's hammer. Now that Asterix is chained up, the guard tries to tie Obelix up.up again. But he's so nervous, it's taking a while. Asterix offers to help, breaking ''his'' chains in the process. Then when they're both chained up, Asterix points out that they've forgotten the bag of food, breaking the chains. Obelix goes over to grab it, breaking his own chains. The guard is reduced to a sobbing wreck, with the centurion awkwardly saying they won't bother with the chains.
16th Feb '17 8:46:29 PM mlsmithca
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** When the Legionaries are taking lunch, Asterix explains to Obelix that the stronger the army, the more disgusting the food is ("that's what keeps the men in a nasty mood"). Comes the food, Asterix tastes it...
--->'''Asterix''' (disgusted): I didn't know the Roman army was ''that'' strong!

to:

** When Anything involving Ptenisnet, the Legionaries are taking lunch, Asterix explains to Obelix that the stronger the army, the more disgusting the food is ("that's what keeps the men in a nasty mood"). Comes the food, Asterix tastes it...
--->'''Asterix''' (disgusted): I didn't know
Egyptian tourist drafted into the Roman army was ''that'' strong!who spends the entire rest of the book still blissfully convinced he's on a package tour. On the sea voyage to northern Africa, he follows every comment by the sergeant with hieroglyphs translating as "Old hairy [body part that rhymes with the sergeant's last word]". When the sergeant tells the legionaries that when they get to port, they'll all get their "tot of rum", he cuts off the obvious follow-up from Ptenisnet by shouting, "And if that Egyptian speaks another hieroglyph I will personally throw him overboard!"



** Anything involving Ptenisnet, the Egyptian tourist drafted into the Roman army who spends the entire rest of the book still blissfully convinced he's on a package tour. On the sea voyage to northern Africa, he follows every comment by the sergeant with hieroglyphs translating as "Old hairy [body part that rhymes with the sergeant's last word]". When the sergeant tells the legionaries that when they get to port, they'll all get their "tot of rum", he cuts off the obvious follow-up from Ptenisnet by shouting, "And if that Egyptian speaks another hieroglyph I will personally throw him overboard!"

to:

** Anything involving Ptenisnet, When the Egyptian tourist drafted into Legionaries are taking lunch, Asterix explains to Obelix that the stronger the army, the more disgusting the food is ("that's what keeps the men in a nasty mood"). Comes the food, Asterix tastes it...
--->'''Asterix''' (disgusted): I didn't know
the Roman army who spends the entire rest was ''that'' strong!
** One
of the book still blissfully convinced he's on a package tour. On best occurrences of the sea voyage RunningGag in which a character is reduced to northern Africa, he follows every comment by sobbing because of the sergeant with hieroglyphs translating as "Old hairy [body part that rhymes with the sergeant's last word]". When the sergeant tells the legionaries that when they get to port, they'll all get their "tot of rum", he cuts off the obvious follow-up from Ptenisnet by shouting, "And if that Egyptian speaks new recruits' behaviour and another hieroglyph I will personally throw character decides the first one must be lovelorn: Nefarius Purpus has just led the RagtagBunchOfMisfits under his command into Caesar's camp, and presents them to the centurion of the watch... except the only person still with him overboard!"is the translator.
--->'''Translator:''' The two Gauls have gone to look for a friend, the Greek found some men playing dice, the Belgian, the Briton, and the Goth went to have a beer, the cook's looking for ingredients for ''crêpes suzette'', and Dubius Status has reported sick. May I fall out now?\\
''[Nefarius Purpus breaks down sobbing onto the centurion of the watch's shoulder]''\\
'''Centurion:''' There, there, you'll soon be seeing your girl again!
16th Feb '17 6:19:46 PM mlsmithca
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'''Legionaries:''' ''[saluting, in unison]'' '''AVE!'''[[note]] As they salute, particularly large legionary knocks off the helmet of the legionary standing in front of him, to the latter's annoyance.[[/note]]\\

to:

'''Legionaries:''' ''[saluting, in unison]'' '''AVE!'''[[note]] As they salute, a particularly large legionary knocks off the helmet of the legionary standing in front of him, to the latter's annoyance.[[/note]]\\
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.Asterix