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Haley: It's a dangerous place where people get killed for having gold in their pockets. Not everywhere on this plane is Happy Sunshine Land, you know.
Haley and Ian Starshine's city of origin; an exaggerated hive of scum and villainy if there ever was one. Visited during the "Don't Split the Party" arc, much to Haley's displeasure.
In General
- City Noir: The town is painted in drab colors, the citizens all have shady careers of varying legality, and one of the most powerful people in the city is the head of the Rogues Guild.
- Descriptive Ville: Very grey and always cloudy describe well the sky above the city.
- More Criminals Than Targets: When Celia walks in, everyone is either committing a crime or being a victim of it.
- Thieves' Guild: Rogue in this case. It operates like a mafia with protection rackets and "no one leaves" rule.
- Wretched Hive: This is a grim and dangerous place run by a guild of thieves and the most legitimate profession seen is a mad scientist with grave robbers on his payroll.
Thieves' Guild
For Haley Starshine, see The Order of the Stick.
For Ian Starshine, see Others — Starshine Family.
Bozzok
Bozzok
"You have to understand, our entire business model relies on exclusivity. If we allow non-Guild thieves to come and go from the city as they please, we lose our leverage over those who buy into our protection rackets."
The head of Greysky City's Thieves' Guild. He tries to kill Haley for defecting from the organization.
- Brutal Honesty: Regardless of whether or not it was a smart idea for him to do so, everything he says to Crystal right before she kills him is pretty much 100% true.
- Bullying a Dragon: Thinking it was a great idea to tell the murderous, enraged Crystal golem that she's a complete moron and a "rabid dog" who always needed someone to hold her leash. What happens next is entirely predictable.
- Chronic Backstabbing Disorder: Bozzok's word has very little value. He used Pete as a scapegoat when his operation against Haley, Belkar and Celia went wrong, he raided Grubwiggler's castle despite Grubwiggler paying him substantial amounts of protection money and doing nothing to betray him, he gave Crystal orders to betray Haley and make it look like an accident during the raid, he has open contempt for the lives and well-being of his low-level subordinates, slightly less open contempt for the lives and well-being of his higher-level subordinates, and tricked Ian into a life of suffering in the Empire of Blood. He ends up dying due to a Mistreatment-Induced Betrayal.
- Cloudcuckoolander's Minder: The only reason that Crystal is still alive is that she has him to do the thinking for her. After her death and reanimation as a flesh golem, Bozzok is openly pleased at how much easier it has made keeping her on-task.Bozzok: Really, it's an improvement all around.
- Dick Dastardly Stops to Cheat: The flesh golem scheme. Both Haley and Grubwiggler point out the problems with it: Haley argues that it would have been safer and cheaper to just raise Crystal, give her a couple magic items, and throw her at Haley again, and Grubwiggler points out that it would have been safer and cheaper to just buy a regular, mindless, perfectly controllable golem. However, Bozzok's pride and control-freakishness causes him to take one of his most loyal and skilled servants and force her into a procedure that turns her into a monster at the cost of her sanity and putting her through constant pain that only ceases when she harms others. Once Haley can actually talk to Crystal, it takes her only a few sentences to point out that Crystal has every reason to try to kill him—and once that's happened, there is absolutely nothing he can do to stop her from beating him to death.
- The Don: Since the Thieves' Guild runs like a mafia he fits this trope; making deals, running protection rackets, etc.
- Extreme Mêlée Revenge: On the receiving end when Crystal, in revenge for turning her into a horrible monster that can't feel anything but pain and rage, impales him on her fist and continues Pummeling the Corpse for a while.
- Faux Affably Evil: Bozzok is superficially a reasonable, honorable head of the Thieves Guild, but shows himself to be utterly amoral. He twice betrays truces with Haley to try to have her killed, engineered Ian's imprisonment because Ian's non-violent methods were too popular in the Guild, refused to honor his deal with Grubwiggler about getting back Grubwiggler's property, straight up robbed Grubwiggler despite never betraying the Guild, and animated Crystal as a tortured flesh golem instead of having his dead employees raised. And when there were easy ways out for both of those situations that would have made him money, he refused to take them if it meant accepting someone got the better of him.
- Fatal Flaw: His Pride. He rejects win-win situations multiple times simply because the thought of someone he doesn't like getting ahead is intolerable to his ego.
- Filler Villain: Bozzok turning up in Tinkertown had no bearing on the overall plot. It's ultimately just tying up loose ends for Haley.
- Genius Bruiser: He's a half-orc with a broadsword and more intelligence than any five members in his guild.
- Half-Human Hybrid: Half-orc.
- Hate Sink: Bozzok gives the audience very few reasons to like him, as he's a murderer, backstabber, and con-artist who only stays in people's good graces for as long as it benefits him, and believes that being the head of the city's Thieves' Guild gives him the right to control its members' lives. Turning Crystal into a sentient flesh golem that's in constant agony instead of just resurrecting her, all to get revenge on Haley, just cements how petty and self-centered he is.
- Hoist by His Own Petard: Oh yes, Bozzok, turning Crystal into a flesh golem was a great idea, regardless of the cost... especially an advanced form that retains all of her memories and skills. She's even deadlier than before, and no longer wont to get distracted... except it also makes her self-aware enough to realize her dreadful state and constant pain are not Haley's fault but Bozzok's, and thus allows her to turn against her former master. It is fatal for him.
- Iconic Outfit: Bozzok's very large and long boots are pretty much one of his defining features. Even when he changes up his outfit when visiting Tinkertown, those boots still remain a part of his ensemble.
- Idiot Ball: Bozzok grabs onto it when he continues to demean and boss around the Crystal golem, who's already pissed at him. It ends poorly for him.
- Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: Crystal kills him by punching a hole right through his chest, which is followed by a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown.
- Improbable Power Discrepancy: Aside from being the leader of a thieves guild, not obviously special or notable to any degree... but his ability to Sneak Attack Haley implies he's at least 16th-17th level. This would make him roughly the same level as Redcloak, and possibly higher than Miko. According to him, killing people trying to leave the Guild makes for good practice.
- Inconsistent Spelling: Spelled "Bozzak" in On the Origin of PCs.
- Just Between You and Me: Laid out his role in having Ian "removed from play" to Haley, allowing Crystal to take a flanking position.
- Karma Houdini Warranty: After surviving the events of "Don't Split the Party" because a truce was reached seconds before Haley would have killed him, he gets hit pretty hard with this in "Utterly Dwarfed" when his attempts to kill Haley with Golem Crystal get him betrayed and killed by her because of the And I Must Scream side-effects being brought back as a golem had on Crystal.
- Karmic Death: He used the money he could have used to revive the rogues Haley killed paying Grubwiggler to turn Crystal into a self-aware golem, and is killed by said Golem while Grubwiggler refuses to help him.
- Killed Off for Real: Killed by Golem Crystal at Haley's suggestion. Normally the Thieves' Guild would have the means to resurrect him, but since he died far away from Greysky City, it's unlikely that they'll ever find his body to do so. Grubwiggler also implies the Guild will simply replace Bozzok before leaving him to die.
- Mercy Lead: When Haley quit the Thieves' Guild in the prequel, Bozzok accepted it with a smile. Hank took it upon himself to warn her she had an hour to make tracks before the order to kill her went out; the grace period was out of respect for the amount of gold she'd brought in for the Guild in the past.
- Money Is Not Power: Learns this when Grubwiggler has had it with him, and doesn't care how much he tries to pay him.
- Muscles Are Meaningless: Belkar can block his attacks with a shield despite Bozzok being a half-orc twice his size. Justified by their character builds, Bozzok is a Rogue while Belkar is a Ranger/Barbarian, which means in straight combat Belkar has the edge.
- Nice Job Fixing It, Villain: Oh Bozzok, if only you hadn't paid extra to have the Crystal golem still be sentient. Then Haley couldn't have reasoned with her.
- Resignations Not Accepted: You can run off if you're fast and smart enough, but the official paperwork always states that every rogue is in the guild until death. It's bad public relations to have people quitting on them.
- Revenge: Tracks Haley down in a city in the far north with the intent of killing her for humiliating him during the Greysky City arc. This results in his death, as once the Crystal Golem turns on him and Grubwiggler decides that he's fed up with the Guild, he's left with no-one to help him.
- Savvy Guy, Energetic Girl: A villainous example with the Genre Savvy and maliciously cunning Bozzok and the psychotic, bloodthirsty Crystal.
- Smug Snake: Grubwiggler tells him he was never as clever as he thought before teleporting away. Bozzok was clever... but Grubwiggler is still right. This also applies to his combat skills; he's evidently proud of his abilities, but his only onscreen victory is against an injured, unarmed Haley that he was fighting two-on-one. Belkar describes him as a glorified pickpocket, and without his Sneak Attack, he has trouble even whittling Haley down in melee while she shoots his flankers to death.
- The Sociopath: Bozzok has little respect for his fellow guild members as people, moreso viewing them as resources to be expended and utilized at his own discretion, and disposed of if they try to break free from his grasp. When Crystal dies, instead of simply resurrecting her, he pays Grubwiggler nearly ten times the amount that would have cost to instead turn her into a flesh golem that feels endless pain, just because she's more useful to him that way.
- Stereotype Flip: Yes, he's a half-orc. No, he's NOT the stereotypical dumb brute you'd expect him to be.
- Too Dumb to Live: Sure Bozzok, make Crystal into a sentient, free-willed Flesh Golem in a constant state of agonizing pain, without any sort of failsafe, allowing Haley to persuade her into turning against you. And when Crystal notes how you always call her a moron, you call her a moron again and then try to assert your authority over her?
- Villainous Breakdown: Descends into this after the Crystal golem turns against him and Grubwiggler abandons him. He tries to bully Crystal back into submission and she kills him.
- Why Don't You Just Shoot Him?: Defied. When Crystal wastes valuable killing time cutting Haley's hair with her dagger, Bozzok tells her to quit procrastinating and get on with it.
Crystal
Crystal
In part 6
"♪ I get to kill Ha-ley! I get to kill Ha-ley! ♪"
The Rival of Haley and a Goth assassin of the Thieves' Guild. She met Haley when they were both 19 and they've hated each other ever since. She has no levels in Rogue — she steals from people after she kills them.
- And I Must Scream: Being brought back as a sentient flesh golem leaves her in constant agony.
- Arch-Enemy: And as one of a PC, she levels up when Haley does, regardless of what she's doing.
- Asshole Victim: She was a serial murderer who killed people for money and for less than that on a regular basis, but even Haley admits that being turned into a sapient flesh golem was a fate that nobody deserved.
- Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: According to Bozzok, Crystal would often get bored with her assignments, resulting in her wandering off to get high or just plain forget what she was doing.
- Ax-Crazy: What she lacks in intelligence, self-control or emotional maturity, she makes up for in sheer bloodlust. Bozzok explicitly compares her to a rabid dog before she kills him.
- Back from the Dead: Crystal reappears as a sort of flesh golem, punching Elan across the street with a Sneak Attack and going after Haley with her bare hands.
- Badass Normal: She kicks ass without relying on magic — despite the fact that the assassin prestige class in D&D 3.5 is a spellcaster. She certainly has too low Intelligence to cast even a cantrip, so (just like Belkar) she's an example of awful character build still being quite dangerous.
- Bare Midriffs Are Feminine: Crystal is a Dark Action Girl whose top doesn't go all the way down, similarly to Haley's first outfit. Perhaps the lack of full-covering armor is a rogue thing.
- Beware the Silly Ones: She's a complete idiot who once tried to kill Haley by throwing pickles at her. She's also a high-level assassin who's come very close to killing the party at several points.
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Dumber than a sack of hammers, but she's one of the guild's most powerful members.
- Came Back Strong: Once she gets turned into a flesh golem, Crystal is clearly stronger than ever, and much more dangerous.
- Came Back Wrong: After returning as a flesh golem, she claims that she feels nothing but pain. Haley uses this to turn her against Bozzok.
- Co-Dragons: With Hank, she's Bozzok's most dangerous subordinate in combat but isn't smart enough to hold any authority beyond that distinction.
- Comically Missing the Point: When she ambushes Haley in Pete's house, she tries attacking her with pickles of all things. Apparently back when Haley was a guild member and they had to go on assignments together, Haley would always order her sandwiches without pickles whenever they ate. Crystal made the conclusion that, rather than Haley simply not liking how pickles taste, she must instead be physically vulnerable to them. She never realizes how stupid this is either, even after Haley just gets annoyed over getting splashed with brine. In fact, Haley is able to distract her by telling her to check the bottom of the pickle barrel for damage stats.
- Cruel Mercy: She's left in such a state by Belkar after he brings her down to 0 HP, incapacitating her. She's not dead, and Belkar sees her as Not Worth Killing and rock his new boat with Haley, so just leaves her there so Haley can kill her later and so he can go find Mr. Scruffy as she screams at him that she's important and worth killing.
- Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: Crystal talks about shoving a barrel full of pickles up Haley's uterus.
- Damage Reduction: When she returns as a golem, a type of monster renowned for high damage reduction, Haley's arrows bounce harmlessly off of her.
- Dark Action Girl: A ruthless assassin that will gleefully kill anyone Bozzok tells her to.
- Deadly Bath: Is on the end of one when Haley interrupts Crystal's shower to kill her before leaving the city. While Crystal does keep her magical dagger and items in the bathroom with her, she isn't smart enough to actually equip herself with anything but a Modesty Towel before answering the door and being sneak attacked by Haley, who finishes off Crystal by slashing her with her own magical dagger (and then taking said dagger for herself).
- Devious Daggers: An assassin using a wicked-looking +4 dagger. Haley uses it to kill her and takes it for herself. It proves to be a Chekhov's Gun when Haley later uses it to distract Golem Crystal.
- Disproportionate Retribution: The original cause of her and Haley's feud: Haley insulted her haircut and she insulted Haley's boots.
- The Ditz: She's not intelligent enough for anything more complicated than "kill that person". Turning her into a sentient flesh golem probably hasn't made her any smarter, but at least she's more focused.
- The Dog Bites Back: Turns on Bozzok after Haley points out that he could have raised her and bought a bunch of powerful items for the same cost as turning her into a golem.
- Dumb Muscle: Rich mentions that she's an inversion of the trope. The hulking half-orc is cunning and has a dumb-as-rocks, lithe, petite girl as his deadliest enforcer. Being resurrected as a golem has significantly increased her physical strength, and though she's still not very bright, she doesn't get bored or distracted any longer.
- Dump Stat: Intelligence, obviously, which is a horrible choice for the Assassin Prestige Class, since its Death Attack ability and spellcasting are reliant on Intelligence. Haley says that being turned into a flesh golem caused her intelligence to move laterally, instead of down, and the strip's title implies she may have come out ahead.
- Dying Declaration of Hate:Crystal: STARRRSHINE!! HATE YOU... so... much... hate...
- Elemental Absorption: Using a Lightning Gun on her flesh golem form just made it even more dangerous.
- Fate Worse than Death: Her existence as a Flesh Golem: "I FEEL NOTHING BUT PAIN!!"
- Gone Horribly Right: Bozzok had her remade into a self-aware golem so she can retain her skills, and her new state is actually more focused. However, this means Haley is able to convince her that Bozzok is the one responsible for her constant pain, and being self-aware means Grubwiggler doesn't have a override to control her.Grubwiggler: If you were willing to pay me extra to craft a golem that gives up the main benefit of employing a golem, who was I to argue?
- Goth: Although far less explicit than Haley's teenage self (and consequently, the embodiment of her self-loathing), Crystal's character design is close to this.
- Hate at First Sight: The flashback of her first encounter with Haley strongly hints at this, given that the first thing she said was an insult, and that it was reciprocated.
- Hard Head: Does a No-Sell when Haley hits her over the head with a sap, which should at least stun most people. Haley lampshades she should have realized Crystal wouldn't be injured by hitting her in the head.
- Hard Work Hardly Works: As a Personal Rival to Haley, Crystal gains free XP whenever Haley levels up without having to lift a finger, to ensure she remains a challenge. She's actually willing to let Haley go with a warning in Greysky instead of killing her to get another level of assassin, but Bozzok insists she die anyway.
- Heel–Face Turn: Averted. She turns on Bozzok when Haley points out her golem state is his fault, but she has no intention of redeeming herself, making it clear she intends to go on random killing sprees to dull the pain of her existence. So Haley puts her down for good.
- Hostage Situation: When Haley escapes her reach with a fly spell, Crystal starts killing Innocent Bystanders left and right until Haley returns to the ground.
- I'll Kill You!: First toward Haley, of course, and then to Belkar (because she was furious that he left her at 0 HP for Haley to kill later).
- Insane Troll Logic: She noticed that Haley didn't like pickles and somehow ended up thinking they were her Weaksauce Weakness.
- It Can Think: Bozzok has Grubwiggler use a much more expensive method of golem creation that allows Crystal to retain her intelligence and her memories as a flesh golem. She's also at the very least much more focused than her old self, and might possibly be more intelligent than before — if the Hostage Situation is the result of an actual plan rather than a happy coincidence from venting her frustrations.
- I Resemble That Remark!: Her response to Bozzok calling her a rabid dog who has to be constantly restrained from going feral is to...beat him death and rampage through the town of gnomes killing people for fun.
- Kick the Dog: Haley mentions Crystal once headbutted an elderly gnome woman into a coma. The print version shows this happening.
- Killed Off for Real: Haley kills the Flesh-Golem Crystal by dropping her into a Lava Pit that's used to dump waste. It is impossible to bring her back now, not as a flesh-golem or anything else.
- Last-Second Chance: Haley tries to subtly give her an opportunity to go off and find a more positive life after she kills Bozzok. Crystal decides she'd rather just stick with killing random people to temporarily dull her pain. Haley leads her to her death in a lava pit rather than let her do that.
- Level Scaling: Anytime Haley levels up, she does (even if just sitting around playing poker.)
- Magical Accessory: Haley mentions that her jewelry grants protective magic.
- Magnum Opus: Grubwiggler refers to her Flesh Golem form as "my finest creation."
- Meaningful Echo: Haley kicks Crystal in the face and says, "I got your 'nice boots' right here!" as a call-back to the insincere compliments they paid each other at their first meeting. Two strips later, Crystal, having sliced off a defeated Haley's ponytail, responds in kind by saying, "HA! NOW who has the nice haircut? Ha ha!"
- Nigh-Invulnerability: Between immunity to Sneak Attacks, most spells, and high Damage Resistance, Crystal is very hard to hurt in her golem form. It takes being completely submerged in lava to finally bring her down.
- No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: Does this to Bozzok, beating him long after she has killed him.
- No Punctuation Period: Once turned into a golem, her speech bubbles have barely any punctuation (save for a few exclamation marks), probably reflecting lack of inflection.
- Our Zombies Are Different: After her death she's turned into a kind of flesh golem, which belongs to the Construct class of creature and is thus immune to stuff that works on the undead.
- Pet the Dog: She speaks positively of Elan during her last conversation with Haley, mentioning that "he seemed nice".
- Psycho Knife Nut: A bloodthirsty and violent assassin who primarily uses a large knife to fight.
- Redemption Rejection: Haley suggests that Crystal go on a quest (far away from any towns) to try and go out on her own and figure out how to ease her own pain, but Crystal admits that she'd rather kill others to make her own pain go away. Haley then realizes it's too dangerous for Crystal to run free killing people, so she kills her.
- The Rival: To Haley, and she gets levels for free as Haley does so they're always even. Though Belkar claims that Sabine is Haley's true nemesis (and is much hotter).Crystal: [ding] Sweet! Starshine must have gone up a level!
- Sadist: She enjoys killing people, and after being made into a flesh golem, discovers she can reduce the pain by hurting others.
- Savvy Guy, Energetic Girl: A villainous example with the Genre Savvy and maliciously cunning Bozzok and the psychotic, bloodthirsty Crystal.
- Stealth Pun: Yes, a crystal golem is a golem made of crystal, which can exist... except Crystal isn't one, she's a flesh golem named Crystal.
- Super-Strength: Following her transformation into a flesh golem, her unarmed attacks are powerful enough to send characters flying through the air with every blow. It's even worse once supercharged by lightning: she rips apart a Lightning Gun bigger than her and throws it at Haley like it weighs nothing, and kills Bozzok by punching a hole right through him.
- There Was a Door: Golem Crystal smashes through a wall right next to an open door. Later, she bursts right through the wall of Bozzok and Grubwiggler's abode, intent on revenge.
- Too Dumb to Live:
- The Giant mentions in the commentaries that Crystal doesn't have the intelligence to survive in Greysky City but has Bozzok to think for her and so she does. When you tell your rival, after a tiring mission during which you attempted to betray and murder said rival, that you're going to take a shower (and thus will be unarmed and not wearing any protective magic items) you deserve the fatality and qualify for this trope.
- As a Flesh Golem she realized killing eases her constant pain somewhat, so she intends to stay in Tinkertown and kill, and tells this to Haley's face. Haley promptly leads her on a walk, talking about her and keeping her so distracted that she never notices she's being led to the Tinkertown waste-disposal facility.
- Turn Coat: Haley manages to point out that while she killed Crystal, Bozzok went the extra mile of turning her into a flesh golem, causing her endless pain. To Bozzok, Crystal is just a tool. Crystal then turns on Bozzok.
- Turned Against Their Masters: Sure, as a golem, Crystal is hell-bent on crushing Haley for revenge... but when it is pointed out to her, after a lengthy chase, that Haley just killed her, and it was Bozzok and Grubwiggler who are responsible for her coming back as a flesh golem in constant pain, she turns her rage toward them. Grubwiggler points out that it was Bozzok's fault for wanting Crystal to have free will.
Hank
Hank
"I mean, I'd prefer nobody got killed here, but what can you do? The Guild needs to keep its reputation. Nobody leaves, except in a casket."
The second-in-command of Greysky City's Thieves Guild. More reasonable than Bozzok, he's shown sympathy for Haley's plight, but still strictly enforces the Guild's rules.
- Amoral Attorney: Not stated to be a lawyer, but definitely has the firmest grasp of the Thieves Guild's predictably byzantine rules, laws, and regulations, and, more importantly, how to exploit them at the expense of the Guild's employees to enrich himself, Bozzok and other high-ranking members (but mostly himself). Essentially, he's an Amoral Attorney in all but name.
- Baddie Flattery: Compliments Celia's reasoning while chasing her for a supposed pot of gold.Hank: You make a very convincing argument in these tough economic times.
Celia: Thank you! can I use you as a reference on my resume?
Hank: By all means. - Co-Dragons: With Crystal, he's the official Number Two to Bozzok and acts as a Mook Lieutenant but doesn't get his hands dirty.
- Conservation of Competence: He's smart enough to arrange his underlings for flank beatdowns, but they've still got a lot to learn about execution.
- The Consigliere: Keeping with the mafia equivalence, he is this to Bozzok's Don, ensuring the smooth running of the guild by handling the bureaucratic part.
- Contractual Genre Blindness: Finishing off the target is one thing, but profit is profit.
- Friendly Enemy: Haley regards him as one, seeing as he informed her that Bozzok had no intention of letting her go. In Haley's ideal vision brought on by Girard's Gate's defenses, Hank stands with her father and her when they defeat Bozzok (or he's just happy with the regime change), indicating that she doesn't hold an enmity with him.
- Halfling: His race, and like Belkar he is not jolly. Unlike Belkar, he has more intelligence than a lemming.
- Karma Houdini: Unlike Crystal and Bozzok, he never shows up again after Haley agrees to a truce with the Guild (outside of Haley's fantasy in a Lotus-Eater Machine) and so never gets his comeuppance for trying to kill Haley.
- Makes Us Even: Hank's reason for telling Haley Bozzok has no plans of letting her live — since she knew Hank was skimming off the top, they agree they're even.
- Mook Lieutenant: Doesn't get his hand dirty, but he needs to be present since his underlings are low-level thieves and one slightly dim fighter who need coordination.
- Pragmatic Villainy: He's the go-to guy for verifying the Guild's laws, including the Guild's obligations, and he's willing to talk if the other side wants to renegotiate those terms but he's not a pushover — his memory is especially good regarding any loot that's owed to the Guild.
- This Is Reality: Tells off Yor (a fighter) for calling his attacks, despite how often all classes do that in the OotS world.
Jenny
Jenny
"My name is Jenny, by the way! ...Just in case you ever... you know..."
A bard employed by the Thieves' Guild; one of the few people Haley got along with at the time. She has a fling with Belkar during his stay in Greysky City.
- All Girls Want Bad Boys: She falls for Belkar after he stole a kiss from her and killed a bunch of her guildmates.
- Master of None: Her multiclass (specified in On the Origin of PCs) means plenty of redundant abilities and no strong point.Haley: Third level and you've already got three classes. So what kind of Base Attack Bonus are you sporting there now?
Jenny: I don't want to talk about it. - Modesty Bedsheet: Check, to show how successful Belkar was at seducing her.
- Music for Courage: Like all bards, she has spells for music.
- "Take That!" Kiss: She's the victim of one at Belkar's hands (or rather, lips) halfway through a fight, and is so enamored by him that she begs him to remember her when he leaves, which is how their brief relationship starts.
Old Blind Pete
Old Blind Pete (formerly Eagle-Eyed Pete)
"A word of advice: If you're going to do business with criminals, don't pick a nickname based on any body part you can't afford to lose."
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Class: Rogue
Alignment: Unknown (probably Chaotic Neutral)
Gender: Male
Class: Rogue
Alignment: Unknown (probably Chaotic Neutral)
An old blind man who was Haley's friend when she was still in the Thieves' Guild. He used to be called "Eagle-Eyed Pete" before he had his eyes removed after selling Guild secrets to Bozzok's enemies.
- Affluent Ascetic: His home is fairly sparsely decorated, but it's big enough to have a few dozen people running around engaging in battle and even fly, has a large basement complete with scry-proofing (done by a cleric who overcharges due to the risks involved in going against the Thieves' Guild), and possesses multiple powerful magical items he puts on display, including a +5 Icy Burst Bow (which would be worth almost 100,000 gp).
- Blind Black Guy: He's blind, and he's dark-skinned. Unlike many examples of the trope, though, he's not benevolent.
- Blind People Wear Sunglasses: Old Blind Pete (formerly Eagle-Eyed Pete) wears shaded round glasses, in case the nickname and the eye-bruising purple-and-orange outfit weren't enough of a hint. Might be because the Thieves' Guild stabbed out his eyes — twice — in retribution for selling its secrets.
- Childhood Friends: With the Cleric of Loki, which is why they have their under-the-table business. Pete betrays him.
- Gory Discretion Shot: The Cleric of Loki bashing his head in takes place just off-panel. Even when Celia and Haley come across his body, it isn't seen on-screen and the two merely comment on the sight.
- Impossibly Tacky Clothes: When he gets his sight back, he's upset that nobody told him he had been wearing purple and orange together.
- Improbable Aiming Skills: He was an archer in his youth and was even called "Eagle-Eyed Pete", presumably for his accuracy with arrows.
- Karmic Death: "Maybe we ought to start calling you... 'Brainy Pete'." One guess what organ Pete loses.
- Make an Example of Them: Pete was blinded because he was caught selling Bozzok's secrets to his rivals.
- Named After the Injury: Was blinded by Bozzok as punishment for selling Thieves' Guild secrets. Before that he was Eagle-Eyed Pete.
- Not in the Face!: "Please don't stab my eyes out, please don't stab my eyes out, please don't stab my eyes out..."
- Oh, Crap!: He has this reaction when he realizes the Cleric of Loki is about to kill him messily.
- Too Dumb to Live: He returns to his house in the middle of a guild operation involving several dangerous belligerents whom he personally betrayed. Naturally his death is quick and painful.
- Turn Coat: Betrays Haley, Celia, Belkar, and his Cleric friend to the Thieves' Guild, so he could get his vision back.
Other
Hieronymus Grubwiggler
Hieronymus Grubwiggler
"And indeed, he is not undead — he's a construct, bones animated by an earth elemental spirit bound under my control.
Which I guess technically makes my statement of, 'It's alive,' inaccurate, but I just love saying that."
Which I guess technically makes my statement of, 'It's alive,' inaccurate, but I just love saying that."
A wizard specialized in the creation of flesh golems, whom Celia hires, mistakenly thinking he's a cleric. Has a deal with the Greysky City Thieves' Guild to avoid further looting of his estate, Haley having done so already twice in the past.
- All There in the Manual: In the print version of Don't Split the Party, Giro and Grubwiggler are killed by Crystal. The main comic later shows the latter in a flashback panel.
- Back from the Dead: In Book 6, we learn that Bozzok had Grubwiggler resurrected after Crystal killed him, so that he could make a flesh golem out of his very own killer.
- Bald of Evil: No hair on his head at all.
- Even Evil Has Standards: He won't create undead, but bone or flesh golems are fine.
- Evil Makes You Ugly: He has green and warthy-looking skin, probably as a result of his unnatural experiments, as part of the Obviously Evil package.
- Exact Words: "I promise, no undead. Vile, loathsome things. I would never create or use them." Fortunately, golems are constructs and not undead.
- For Science!: He hates the guild's politics and just wants to be left alone to do his research. It's also part of the reason why he accepted to make Crystal into an intelligent flesh golem: he wanted to see what would happen.
- Frankenstein's Monster: What he creates, complete with the obligatory statement, "It's alive! ALIVE!!!"
- Grave Robbing: He doesn't do the dirty job himself, but he pays for corpses.
- I Have You Now, My Pretty: His attitude toward Celia when she refuses to pay him, though his interest in her body is explicitly for "spare parts".
- Karma Houdini: Skips out after Crystal turns on Bozzok and faces no punishment for his role in these events.
- Killed Mid-Sentence: By Crystal. He gets resurrected.
- Lightning Can Do Anything: Such as animating golems.
- Luke Nounverber: "Grubwiggler"
- Mad Scientist: The quintessential one; his lab, his assistant, and his golems are part of the parody.
- Mad Scientist Laboratory: We got the darkness, the table with the straps, Tesla coils, you name it.
- Mistreatment-Induced Betrayal: He ditches Bozzok while Bozzok is getting beaten to death because he is sick of the Guild's politics interfering with his work. Understandable given the Guild had robbed him repeatedly and killed him at one point, despite him paying for their extortionate "protection".
- Necromancer: Though he doesn't create undead, he's still animating dead bodies.
- Obviously Evil: Not just him, but his hideout too. Even Celia notices.Celia: Oh my gods! Looks at this place! It's like you got your furnishings from Hate & Barrel!
- "The Reason You Suck" Speech: His lesson on why Bozzok wanting to pay extra for a self-aware golem is incredibly stupid, and ruin the whole point of having a golem, is delivered matter-of-factly but is clearly insulting.Grubwiggler: If you were willing to pay me extra to craft a golem that gives up the main benefit of employing a golem, who was I to argue? Also I was to curious to see what would happen. Now I know.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here: When Bozzok is being beaten to death by Crystal, he refuses to help him because he is sick of the thieves interrupting his research, and calls Bozzok out on his stupidity. He then teleports away.
- Sickly Green Glow: The color of his magic aura.
- Wizard Beard: He has a beard and he is an old wizard class character.
- Your Little Dismissive Diminutive: When he tells Bozzok that he has had enough of being dragged into Thieves' Guild's squabbles.Grubwiggler: I'm sick of your banal little guild's petty intrigues interfering with my magical research.
Giro
Giro
"I'm not even a real hunchback! I stuffed my hump to get this job!"
Race: Human (presumably)
Gender: Male
Class: Unknown
Alignment: Unknown
Gender: Male
Class: Unknown
Alignment: Unknown
The stereotypical assistant to Grubwiggler's stereotypical mad scientist.
- Evil Makes You Ugly: He shares Grubwiggler's green and warthy-looking skin, although like his hump it might be faked just to fit in his role.
- The Igor: He fits the role of the typical Mad Scientist assistant as faithfully as possible, including the slavering devotion to his master, the ugliness and the hump (although that one at least is fake).
- Obfuscating Disability: He isn't a real hunchback — he stuffed something in his shirt to get the job.
- Significant Anagram: Just in case it isn't completely obvious already he's The Igor for Hieronymus Grubwiggler, his name is an anagram of "Igor".
Cleric of Loki
Cleric of Loki
"Look, I'm happy to help out a friend of Pete's, but you have to make it worth the huge risk I'm taking."
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Class: Cleric
Alignment: Unknown (probably Chaotic Neutral)
Gender: Male
Class: Cleric
Alignment: Unknown (probably Chaotic Neutral)
A nameless Cleric of Loki that Pete hires to heal Belkar and send a message to Haley's friends.
- Ambiguous Syntax: When one of the guild members refers to him as a "rogue cleric," another says he can't be too dangerous with that kind of unfavorable multiclassing. The first then clarifies he means a cleric who has betrayed them, not that he has levels in both classes.
- Childhood Friends: With Pete. He's dismayed when Pete betrays them, and accepts Belkar's advice to kill him.
- Combat Medic: He un-curses Belkar, and assists him and Mr. Scruffy in escaping, by killing some enemies and healing Belkar.
- Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: The Thieves' Guild Mooks who come after him don't regard him as much of a threat, and individually he might not be, but with Belkar doing the heavy hitting, he's plenty capable with his mace and offensive cleric spells.
- Dark Is Not Evil: With the black armor, red cape, and worship of Loki he looks bad, but he's rather neutral.
- Decomposite Character: Initially believed to be one from Hilgya (who'd been the only cleric of Loki to appear in the strip and was still in Never Found the Body territory) but
Jossed by the Giant, saying he needed a cleric for the plot and picked Loki for a believable enough god for a criminal cleric to worship. - Et Tu, Brute?: He does not take Pete's betrayal well. At Belkar's suggestion, he finishes him off by smashing his head to bits.
- Healing Hands: As a cleric he can use healing spells, and removes Belkar's mark of justice curse.
- Mauve Shirt: "I don't want to die, I've only been in one strip so far!" He survives.
- No Name Given: Invoked Trope. He keeps his name untold, as he doesn't want to be identified by the Thieves' Guild.
- Pre-Mortem One-Liner: "Maybe we ought to start calling you... 'Brainy Pete'."
- Properly Paranoid: Believes that a panel cutaway means that people are planning on killing him. They are.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Skips town after the whole ordeal; he offers Belkar a job as a bodyguard, but Belkar declines, and the Cleric leaves on his own.
- Worf Had the Flu: As a cleric strong enough to cast sending, it's explained why he isn't strong enough to try to fight the thieves himself or escape the area: he was on healing duty in the temple, and as a cleric of an evil god, he can't convert prepared spells into healing, so most of his spell list that day is just cure wounds or cure disease.
