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Characters: Red Letter Media

Lightning Fast VCR Repair

Two out-of-work VCR repairmen who make money by fleecing seniors who don't know how to operate DVD players.

  • Asshole Victim: Anytime something bad happens to Jay and Mike, they basically deserved it.
  • Caustic Critics
  • Con Men
  • Crooked Contractors
  • The Danza
  • Drink Order: The bottles on the title card are labeled "CHEAP BEER". Averted within the show proper, in which Mike and Jay are quite frequently seen to be drinking Wisconsin's own Spotted Cow.
  • Fat and Skinny: Lampshaded in That's My Boy, when George Lucas' hit men address them as "Hans Klopek" and "Fat Guy".
  • Gushing About Shows You Like
  • Lack of Empathy: Jay and Mike. They almost never feel... gooeelt? Gooey-elt? Gweelt? Guiltó no, that doesn't sound right.
  • Perma Stubble: Mike has a perpetual five o'clock shadow. Contrast Jay, who can't seem to make up his mind whether he wants to be clean-shaven or wear a beard.
  • Suckiness Is Painful: Mike was nearly driven to suicide by The Zookeeper. Not by the film, either, but by the theatrical trailer alone!
    • The Grown Ups 2 review opened with Jay and Mike giving it a favorable review, praising Adam Sandler and advising viewers not to nitpick family films. Granted, blood and offal were gushing from their eyes at the time.
  • Those Two Guys
  • Villain Protagonist: Jay and Mike have their moments, especially when they try to kill Plinkett for his life insurance money.

Mike

Gooeelt? Gooey-elt? Gweelt? Guiltó no, that doesn't sound right.
Played by Mike Stoklasa

  • Bad Bad Acting: This is Mike's signature comedic style. Jay does this, too, but he's not as good at pretending to be a bad actor as Mike is.
  • Berserk Button: Mike, an Arizonian who moved to Wisconsin, can detect a whiff of condescension coming from Hollywood. Ordinarily stoic, he became quite livid when discussing White House Down, The Lone Ranger, and Grown Ups 2 back-to-back.
  • Captain Obvious: Intentional. Mike will often say things like, "I went to see Movie at Theater," literally.
  • Catchphrase: Mike, in his lawyerly way, will always ask, "Are you suggesting that..." or "Jay, are you implying that..", as a lead-up to Jay openly accusing the filmmakers of being hacks, charlatans or worse.
    • "...that's right, Jay."
  • Deadpan Snarker: Mike Stoklasa appears to be this in Real Life, and it's a trait that all his characters share, but Mike on "Half In The Bag" plays it to a tee. He's usually able to get his co-host Jay to laugh without even cracking a smile himself, and any time he's called upon to show any kind of emotion, he always does it in a very phony and insincere way. He also likes to say things that he knows will piss off his audience (i.e. Dr. Seuss is overrated and The Muppets are for babies).
    • Corpsing: Jay finally gets Mike to really laugh (after 45 episodes) during the Haunted House discussion, which segues into a riff on the Seltzer And Friedberg films (ironically, it's about how unfunny their jokes are). Jay is clearly taken aback by how hard Mike is laughing, even starting to ask him "Did your brain...", before being overcome with laughter himself.
    • invoked In the review for Movie 43, they go Up to Eleven in snarking, talking about how "clever" the writing was, complete with Laugh Track galore, finally saying things like eating dog poop or leaky periods are not supposed to win Oscars.
    • And in the review of Star Trek Into Darkness, Mike laughed the hardest he ever has in a video... when Jay refers to the villain as Benedict Cabbagepatch.
  • Driven to Suicide: Has stated in their review of That's My Boy that his dream is to one day die from watching an Adam Sandler movie, and actively chooses to watch them in theaters in hope that his soul may someday be released.
  • Your Costume Needs Work: The one time Mike used the Mr. Plinkett voice on-camera, Jay told him that it was a terrible Plinkett impression.

Jay

My life is an empty shell.
Played by Jay Bauman

  • Boy Meets Ghoul: Was dating the ghost girl who used to work at the VCR repair shop.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: Jay, who's spent most of the series exploiting, belittling, abusing, and even attempting to murder Plinkett, objects to Mike trying to take advantage of his recent meth addiction. Though how much of this is due to genuine concern or because the story demanded it is unknown.
    • Jerk with a Heart of Jerk: In a scene, Jay demands three months of pay up front from Plinkett, whereas Mike only demanded one. Mike butts in with this comment:
      Jay, I thought I was the monster!
      • It's heavily implied it was a deliberate Ass Pull - when Mike asks, "You smoke crack?!" Jay shrugs and replies, "Sure, whatever." invoked
  • Murder Is the Best Solution: When Mike and Jay gets a costumer that actually demands that they behave honestly:
    Jay: Let's talk about movies before that mean old lady gets back.
    Mike: Jay, are you saying you want to murder her?
    Jay: Yes!
  • The Straight Man

Harry S. "Fake" Plinkett

Maybe I should've drowned my wife. Then I'd still have my Caddy.
Played by Rich Evans

  • Cane Fu: He manages to fend off a katana-wielding Nadine with his cane. Though the rocket chair helped.
  • The Chew Toy: This Plinkett has essentially been flanderized into this trope on Half in the Bag. He's still creepy and a pervert, but he's generally portrayed as ineffectual. He's suffering from amnesia, and is abused by Jay and Mike on a regular basis, up to attempted murder. He even shows some form of genuine affection for them in some episodes.
  • Couch Gag: Plinkett knocking over the beers at the start of each episode.
  • The Dog Bites Back: During the A Good Day To Die Hard review:
    Plinkett: I'm just watching the end of the movie on my iPad... These things are great. You know all about it - yours is in my TV. (chuckles) I sure loved watching the same movie 68 times tonight. Maybe that'll teach you fucks not to LIE to me.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Jerk
  • Pet the Dog: Plinkett of all people literally pets a dog at some point. Okay, it was a VCR he mistook for a dog, but still.
  • Sunglasses at Night
  • They Killed Kenny Again: Subverted. Plinkett has seemingly been killed numerous times, but he either survives (such as being buried under the floorboards), or it's a case of mistaken identity.
  • Title Scream: Every episode opens with Stoklasa's Plinkett voice saying "Half in the BaaAAAaaag".

Man-in-a-Black-Cloak-who-is-not-a-trademarked-character-of-Lucas-Limited aka "Palpy"

If you don't like the Star Wars prequels then you're stupidpants.
Played by Mike Stoklasa


George Lucas

"Does anyone else smell flannel and B.O.?"
Played by Rich Evans

  • Big Bad: George Lucas fills this role here also, with requisite Lampshade Hanging from Mike and Jay, of course.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: He tries to kill Mike and Alexandre O. Philippe for "saying mean things" about him.
  • Evil Smells Bad: You can smell his plaid shirts coming from a mile away, according to Plinkett and other characters.
  • Evil Gloating: "I am going to explain to you my sinister plot."
    Jay: (completely deadpan) We don't care.
  • Line-of-Sight Name: In his quest to destroy every copy of The Star Wars Holiday Special, he once infiltrated Comic-Con under the name "Paul Superman" after seeing a Superman cosplayer walking by.
  • Prima Donna Director: He personally tries to hunt down and destroy every copy of the pre-Special Edition Star Wars because it interferes with his vision.
  • Hiss Before Fleeing: George Lucas does this when scared off by the original release of Star Wars.

Fuck-Bot 5000

"Oh shit! You're gonna get it get it now!"
A character that originated in Red Letter Media's contribution to The 48 Hour Film Project in 2011, Fuck-Bot 5000 does exactly what its name implies.

Officer Rich Klasowski

  • Aborted Arc: Done deliberately. Officer Klasowski is randomly zapped to the world of Howard the Duck.
    Officer Klasowski: "I wonder what crazy adventures I'll get into now!"
    Caption: NEVER TO BE CONTINUED.
    Officer Klasowski: Oh...
  • The Danza: Played by Rich Evans
  • Police Are Useless: Forgets about the strange smell in the basement to discuss Robocop with Mike and Jay.


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