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     Mr. Plinkett Reviews 
  • From the Star Trek: Nemesis review: "Now I'll tell you what really bothers me: It's dem green plastic drum cymbals!! Why do they have to have 'space' cymbals?" and so on.s
    • *slurred* "Riker even played a fucking trumpet!" (Note: in the clip he shows, Riker is actually playing a trombone)
    • "That's ok, I'm a coward too"
  • Plinkett's way of cutting through the Lucas Romantic Plot Tumor bullshit. Such as when Padma asks Anakin if Jedi are allowed to love, Plinkett lays this hilarious line:
    Plinkett: So Padme does a little feeler to see if Anakin and her can fuck in the bathroom.
  • "Having a creepy Skeletor hand."
  • "Before we start, let's recap a little on the whole prequel thing and how it ruined six years of everyone's lives. Even starving African children in Cambodia." Let that sink in. Starving African children in Cambodia (which is next to Vietnam).
  • "Star Wars Episode I is the most disappointing thing since my son."
  • "Sometimes a cigar is just a giant vagina in the desert that swallows men whole"
  • "OH MY GOD! What's wrong with your faaaace?!"
  • The progression of relationship advice that Plinkett gives during Anakin and Padme's courtship. Some of it's actually not bad...but it escalates rather quickly to things like "Supporting Fascism," "Killing Women and Children," "Bringing a Corpse Home," and "Going on a Psychotic Megalomaniacal Rant."
  • Mr Plinkett: [on Star Trek: First Contact] Heck, I would have taken any 2-parter TNG episode over this piece of shit. [shows image of Armus from "0]".
  • Fifty nine minutes!
  • George Lucas Ruins the Lightsaber and the Force All In One Scene (from Attack of the Clones)
    • "But when you establish a multi-racial Jedi Order that all use the same universal weapon it becomes impractical! Each Jedi should really have their own unique weapon suited for them personally."
      • "For example, that one guy that looks like a squid. Y'know, with all dem tentacles swingin' about? A lightsaber could really pose serious injury to his head. Be CAREEE-FUULLLL!"
      • "Or that guy in the background with the really tall, thin, neck. I know what I'd swing it if I were fightin' him!"
      • "Or what about this clumsy, fat asshole? What if he just happened to be a Jedi? His big, fat hands and his slow, lumbering ass would fucking get killed by Darth Maul!"
  • Attack of the Clones: What does a woman look for in a relationship?
    He needs to be family oriented and good with kids.
    Cut to the children Anakin killed in Revenge of the Sith
  • From the Star Trek (2009) review: LET'S BREAK IT DOOOOWWN: (accompanied by pictures of MC Hammer) "Ohh, ohhh, I got my parachute pants on, oohhh, ohh-ohhh, I got my cat pregnant-"
  • "ThE bESt PArt of waAAkING UP, is ACiD in YoUR CUuu...."
  • "If I wanted a message I would go listen to my answering machine"
    Answering Machine: Hi Mr. Plinkett, Bob Foster here from the Department of Cultural Guilt, uh, just a friendly courtesy call to remind you about the horrible things that you did to the Native Americans. Uh, please continue to feel guilty about this, and, uh, if you have any questions, give me a call back, the number's 202-(Plinkett proceeds to pour coffee on the answering machine, shorting it out)
    • Even better, it later cuts back to him smashing the machine with a hammer.
  • Essentially every time Plinkett raises (and reverbs) his voice is memorable for...various reasons...
  • [Referring to the TF Blockade from The Phantom Menace] "You see, we once set up a Naval Blockade around Cuba, to stop the Russians from setting up missile launchers there. It was a little event you might have heard of. It wasn't a big deal, you know, but you might have heard of it, it was called WORLD WAR I. Geez, you stupid people gotta learn your history right."
  • [showing picture of an overweight cat] "Hey anyone wanna help me milk my cat? 's time to make breakfassht..."
    • "My cat ain't gonna milk itself!"
  • "At last! We get to the big dumb ending, where we see the excitement and the passion... that thousands of computer animators have for getting paychecks!"
  • "And don't say it was the Will of the Force, unless you don't want me to send you a Pizza Roll... aaan' whennnI sennit to you, 'm gonna shovvit up yer ass..." [shows image of Kit Fisto]
  • When the hooker he kidnaps in his Episode II review winds up falling for him after he forces her to sit through the movie and she realizes how bad it is.
  • The "That's what he said!" Running Gag in the Episode II review.
  • When a Laugh Track plays during the scene where Jar Jar is pressured into giving Palpatine emergency powers in the Episode II review.
  • Mr. Plinkett imagining what Padme must be thinking when Anakin is complaining about Obi Wan:
    “HOLY SHIT! This guy is a fucking annoying whiner! I really can’t see myself with him. If he’s bitching about THIS, imagine how he’ll act when I want him to go see Wicked with me.”
  • "Shinzon had a passing interest in Troi 'cos she had a vagina, and he probably never did it with a chick. Uh, maybe he fucked a Reman in the ass... [shows image of a Reman grimacing]
  • "Aw, he's accidentally flying the spaceship, how cute! I hope he fucking dies."
  • (dragging woman by the ankle) GEDDIN MY LIVING ROOM!!"
  • (deleted scene: Still dragging woman) CoME WIth mEEE aND yoU'll BEe in A woRLd of PUrE imagiATiOn!!"
  • Fuck the Pain Away...
  • Plinkett's phone call.
  • Him slowly going insane at the end of the Baby's Day Out review.
    "My cat stole my merkins!"
    "You want to help me milk my cock?" (picture of a rooster)
    "Maybe they're trying to make a statement about the Gerber corporation and their anti-Union practices!"
    "Fuck The Pain Away (Groin Attack) Fuck The Pain Away (Groin Attack) x5
  • "What could've been the greatest lesbian sex scene ever in a children's movie":
    "Servant sex is just something I'm into now..."
  • (A comparative picture of Guinan and baby Bink in his photo outfit) WHAT?!!!
  • Star Wars: Attack of the Clones is the worst thing ever made by a human. Except for the bagpipes...
  • (on Anakin and Padme's 'love story')
    "Now you say 'Maybe they ARE in love, and maybe I just don't see it 'cause I'm a psychopath who butchers women.' Well-yeah-meh-sneh..."
  • A more subtle example is in the Phantom Menace review; he talks about how the hero arc works, and how the hero often gets the girl at the end as icing on the cake, and he plays several such scenes from various movies together as an example...including Willy Wonka hugging Charlie Bucket.
  • OH NO the timeline changed and Bambi's alive again except now she's my first cat!
  • After listing practically everything that happens in the new Star Trek movie. "I think I need to go see a therapist after this..." *clip of Deanna Troi* "NO NOT HER--!"
  • Spock saying "Go to hell."
  • "Zoe Saldana's there for one obvious reason... (Shows footage of Uhura undressing) She's entirely believable as a Xenolinguistics expert."
  • This is what they call filler, and its nowhere near as good as the filler they put in Twinkies... Mmmmmm... I like to fuck my cat. (cut to Plinkitt fucking his cat)
    • Unintentional hilarity results from his cat's reaction during the subsequent "rape" scene.
  • (clip of Anakin kneeling before Palpatine) "And so Anakin kneels before Monster Mash, and pledges his loyalty to the graveyard smash."
    • Plinkett referring to Palpatine as "Monster Mash" for the entirety of his Episode IV commentary is also sure to make you snicker.
  • "So anyway, he [Palpatine] tells the Senate that the Jedi - an organization of monks who have been the guardians of peace and justice for over a thousand generations - have suddenly decided to take over the world. Oh, and I also happen to look and sound like a monster who wants to take over the world. Don't mind my creepy black cloak, my horribly evil-sounding voice or my terrifying face. Also don't mind the fact that I'm yelling about creating a galactic empire run exclusively by me. No no, you see its the Jedi who are the ones that tried to take over. That warranted them all being executed by the army that I control by myself without any kind of trial in the courts to prove what I'm saying is true. And then we burned down their temple, and you're all just gonna have to take my word for it. Trust me, look at my face. Would this face lie to you?'"
  • "With these fucking Star Wars prequels, I'm always forced to go back to Screenwriting 101, and a big four-letter word that comes to mind: FUCK. No, I'm just kidding. The word is CRAP. No, I'm just kidding. The word is SHIT. I'm just kidding. The word is PISS. I'm just kidding. The word is POOP. I'm just kidding. The word is GARBAGE. Naw, I'm just kidding, the word is TONE!"
  • Plinkett melting a Star Wars Episode I VHS tape in the oven and urinating on it.
  • "I dunno, now I guess he’s Darth Vader, and since Darth Vader technically appeared in this film for 10 seconds we can put him on cereal boxes, cartoons, candy boxes, posters, and… whatever."
  • "So Yoda gives up, Obi-Wan gives up, and then so does Vader."
  • "He [Vader] is not even gonna look into the whole Padme thing and what happened to her. He's just gonna trust Monster Mash, who just got away with lying to the whole universe."
  • George Lucas didn't ruin my childhood. Fucking polio did.
  • Mr. Plinkett freaking out about the similarities between the prequels and the original Star Wars films.
  • "After all, these are just simple movies made for kids and not adults at all, which is why they have: Assassination attempts. Sexual innuendo. Decapitations. Kidnap, torture, and suggested rape. Hookers. Boring political dialogue. Forced amputations. Drug-dealing. Mass murder." (cut to sounds of screaming) "Don't try to escape like the other one!"
  • The trailers. Just...the trailers:
  • "The Urban Market stole my TV once, so I know they like movies."
  • "They don't call him "Kit Fisto" because he's into chicks, if you know what I mean."
  • His attempt to save time on Cop Dog. Bonus points for realizing it was a bad idea, not because he was completely incomprehensible, but because he forgot to mention a few films. He then tries again only to continue as normal.
    • "Who was his trainer, Mike Vick? Did you get the joke?"
    • Fuck Off, Ghost!
    • "So instead of getting her metrosexual son a haircut and slapping him across the face..."
    • This is worse than Star Trek: Nemesis.
  • His ill-fated Kodak promo.
    "What?! After fucking ten years, that's all I saved?! YOU PIECE OF FUCKING CRAP!"
    • He then proceeds to total the Kodak while shouting with his...unique voice.
  • The random guy in the background who picks apart Picard's plan to puncture the plasma coolant tanks.
    Random Guy: Oh, puncture it. Okaaay... but it seems like it's highly pressurized...
    (Data gets sprayed with flesh-melting gas)
    Random Guy: Oh my God...!
  • Cleaning up cat shit to the tune of La Danse Macabre.
  • Re-releasing the Phantom Menace review in 3D with added special effects.
  • The entire commentary for Episode 1. Plinkett rambles about the movie, his cats, his life, laundry, Bambi, and so much more, getting interrupted by his cats, Gold Shirt Guy, and Not-Darth-Sidious. It's amazing.
    • After ranting about how if he were in the movie he'd consider Padme "expendable," thinking that she was just a handmaiden who "does the Queen's laundry," Plinkett goes off on this tangent:
    "When I was 58 I learned how to do my own laundry. They say the clothes make the man. You know what else they say? … 'Indonesians make the clothes.' … Both statements are kinda true statements. But I really like doin' laundry …"
    • Plinkett urging people to "occupy George Lucas's front lawn" because he's one of the 1%.
    • Plinkett giving the people he presumes are listening to his commentary while sitting in a theater watching Episode 1 in 3D instructions to do things like raise their hand or talk to the person next to them.
    • "Get off that, Mr. Tiny, that ain't a lover!"
  • How bad could [Episode III] really be? (picture of Darth Vader's infamous scene) Oh...
  • [On reviews praising Revenge of the Sith for being Darker and Edgier] MY STOOL IS DARK! And doctor says that's bad! ...I dunno why he thinks he knows so much about interior decorating though (Rim Shot)
  • An update starts with Jay and Mike talking about merchandise... and then this happens:
    Plinkett: Enough of this sell-out crap! When's the next Plinkett review-oh wait I'm me.
  • From the Titanic (1997) review:
  • From one of his very first reviews (the Star Trek: Insurrection one), the very first line (delivered in his typical, completely deadpan style):
    Plinkett: Star Trek: Insurrection sucks my balls.
    • The inexplicable shot of Worf farting about twenty seconds in.
    • His comment on the boring costume design: "Ain't no one winning an Oscar for the JCPenney spring fashion look!"
    Plinkett: (in an exaggeratedly effeminate voice) Earth tones, people! Everyone wears earth tones! Browns and beige! And mother of pearl! And browns and beiges and dark browns and light browns and browns and beige! Browns and beiges and dark browns and light browns and browns and beige! Everyone's gonna be wearing earth tones 'cause they live on a planet.
  • "Darth Vader should never say the word Padme, or Snuffleupagus."
    • He then builds up to talking about the infamous Big "NO!" by saying that the funniest thing in the movie happens. He describes everything in the scene until it gets to the point where Vader is about to give his Big "NO!"...and then cuts to Yoda and Obi-Wan talking and says that the funniest thing is "Yoda tells Obi-Wan to talk to Qui-Gon's ghost!"
  • "The entire Senate is filled with stupid idiots". *cuts to picture of the United States Senate* "Yeah, okay that's true".
  • "Obi-Wan Kenobi is a stupid asshole idiot head."
  • During the analysis of The Force Awakens teaser, Palpy wonders if he'll be in Star Wars Rebels. Plinkett doesn't care.
    Palpy: I think that takes place between Episode... whatwoulditbe... 3... and 6... I don't even know anymore. I can't keep track of this fucking shit.
    Plinkett: I don't know if you're in the fucking cartoon show. I don't watch cartoons!
    • Mr. Plinkett confusing a Fan Film for the actual movie trailer.
    • Palpy and Plinkett each tuning each other out by listening to Taylor Swift on their MP3 player.
  • Reviewing the Trade Federation's invasion of Naboo during the Phantom Menace
    Sio Bibble: Communications disruption can only mean one thing, invasion."
    Plinkett: It could also mean you didn't pay your phone bill!
  • Plinkett accidentally admitting to masturbating to Olsen Twins movies alongside the Indiana Jones, Star Wars and Star Trek series, followed by a ludicrous scene where he ejaculates large quantities of semen at a television showing one such Olsen Twins movie...and couldn't stop.
  • Pointing out all the Plot Holes in General Grievous's assassination and cutting to a confused-looking Yoda every time he says "I'm so confused."
  • The teaser for the Plinkett review of The Force Awakens.
    Plinkett: (pointing at Leia on the The Force Awakens poster) I recognize Chewbacca anywhere! Oh, wait, there's Chewbacca!
    Plinkett: (on BB-8) What is that, R2-D2 got a beer belly?!
  • In the review of The Force Awakens.
    • "Star Wars Episode VII The Force Awakens is the most disappointing thing since my son...'s court-appointed lawyer Larry Gruber."
    • Mr. Plinkett is taking solace in the fact that he's too old to have to live through much of a Star Wars cinematic universe, and that he'll soon be dead and comfortably happy in Hell, where he won't have to watch any more Star Wars films... until a screen is dragged in front of him saying, "Episode DCLXVI - ENDLESS LIGHTSABERS".
      Mr. Plinkett: Oh, no! OH, NO!!!! (screams)
    • Rich Evans appears for the second time in a Plinkett review - as an Axe Crazy George Lucas.
    • Mr. Plinkett saying that Star Wars fans called Kylo Ren an "emu".
    • The brilliant and hilarious juxtaposition of Kylo Ren, Leia and Han Solo during the Veruca Salt song from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.
      • Advancing his own fan theory (that Snoke might just be Luke in disguise, like the Wizard of Oz), he cuts together another very on-the-nose comparison montage with shots and scenes from the 1939 movie.
      Plinkett: We're off to see the Wizard! The wonderful Wizard of Oooooooooold!
    • The volcanic diarrhoea Plinket spews at George Lucas and J.J. Abrams at the conclusion.
    I'm literally shitting on Star Wars!
    • The title of chapter 1 of the review, read in Plinkett's typical deadpan:
    Star Wars has become a living nightmare that you can never wake up from until you're dead and even then I can't guarantee it.
    • Plinkett's list of gay Star Wars characters (with "YMCA" playing in the background no less):
    Plinkett: I mean do we really need more gay characters in Star Wars?
    C3PO: Thank the Maker, this oil bath is going to feel so good!
    • Biggs Darklight (Gay)
    • A Mos Eisley Cantina alien (Gay)
    • Luke (Gay)
    • Conan Antonio Montti (Soooo gay)
    • R2-D2 (Implied gay)
    • Grand Moff Tarkin (Elderly gay)
    • Bib Fortuna (Eastern European gay)
    • Rebel watchman (Lonely gay)
    • Lando Calrissian (Not gay at all)
    • Mon Mothma (Probably lesbian)
    • Jabba palace dancer (For sure lesbian)
    • Sarlacc (Possibly asexual)
    • Shmii Skywalker (For sure asexual)
    • "Ah shaddup, shaddup, you know you laughed! ... had a coupla vodka gimlets tonight, so I might say a few weird things, but whatever..." (crash)
    • The, ahem, deleted scene from the much more hard-edged original trilogy; "Bitches leave!"
    • The huge rising crescendo of fangasm over the Millennium Falcon builds drowning out Mr Plinkett "...ok, I see why they left it in."
    • Mr. Plinkett's fake article about why the Back to the Future trilogy is better than the original Star Wars trilogy which spoofed the online articles that praised the prequels.
    • The "pizza phone sex" part.
    • "As he left, (George Lucas) reportedly fell down the stairs, dusted himself off with embarrassment, and stepped on a rake!"
  • From his Rogue One review:
    • "I'd like to talk very briefly about Disney's Marvel Star Wars Rogue One: A Star Wars Story by Disney! The conglomerate corporation...."
    • "Here's the thing about opinions: they're all wrong unless they're mine!"
    • "Humor and action is essentially this: you can just eat the icing on the cake, which is tasty, but you get real fat, you'll get cavities, and your teeth will rot out! And after eating too much, you'll start to get sick of it!"
  • From his second Rogue One video where he responds to several comments on his Rogue One review:
    • "Or maybe your brains don't work so well because there's a Darth Vader toy stuck in it!"
    • Mr. Plinkett thinking that Naruto is a type of spicy noodle.
    • Mr Plinkett's reaction to someone claiming the ending space battle made up for how bad the movie was:
      (Close up of a pilot's face) "Fuck me!"
    • "(Kylo Ren) wanted to be a badass and evil. He wasn't quite there yet...HE WAS AN AMATEUR!"
    • "Who's their military tactician? Ray Charles?"
    • Mr Plinkett's reaction to a user telling him that they thought he wasn't a real Star Wars fan for not liking all the films, upon noticing that they wrote the word "your", instead of "you're":
      "And YOU'RE not gonna graduate high school!"

The Nerd Crew:

  • In the first episode, Mike, Jay, and Rich's absolutely vicious satire of "serious and analytical" "geek culture" podcasts and review shows, with them admitting up front that they were bought and sold by Disney reps into giving the movie a positive review, but that's not why they loved it — it's because it was Star Wars.note 
  • The second episode of The Nerd Crew has Rich looking at the contents of the Star Wars™ Backpack Pack Nerd Box™, and completely breaking character laughing his ass off at one of the items: a Ghostbusters (2016) action figure that has all of the writing magic markered to say it's a Rey action figure.

Commentary Tracks:

  • Return of the Jedi:
    • The crew notice Harrison Ford's boredom in the role of Han Solo, and say he didn't want anything to do with the series anymore.
      Rich: (as Ford) I have to be second fiddle to Mark Hamill? Fuck.
    • When C3PO is recapping the events of the first two movies to the Ewoks.
      Mike: He explains how Lando made inappropriate sexual advances towards Princess Leia.
      (Rich guffaws)
      Mike: (as C3PO) Una Lando Calrissian ut-ah-taw-too-taw rapist!
    • When the Rebels blow up the shield generator.
      Rich: (as Han Solo tells everyone to flee) Let's move! There's no way we can get far enough away to look like we survive this horrible blast we're going to see in a second!
      (The dish explodes)
      Rich, Mike, Jay: (screaming) OH MY GOD!!!
      Rich: (gleefully) Han Solo is dead! (they all chortle) Oh, no, wait, he's fine! He's not even surrounded by fire, or debris!
      (Jay giggles)
      Mike: He ran eleven feet away. That, that, oh my G—... that explosion was bigger than a continent.
      Rich: They saw that explosion and they said, "Oh my God. We've got to cut to a shot of Han Solo standing up!"


  • When running the stream for December 9, 2012, the stream was shut down because of DMCA action after showing the chipmunks singing Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. If you hear anyone saying something about "Fuck DMCA and fuck the Chipmunks", now you know why.
  • "101 Wacky Kid Jokes WITH KIDS!!!" They decide to test the titular book of jokes on actual kids and see if they laugh. The whole thing is pretty funny from the 1st kid's total disinterest to Rich treating the whole thing as Serious Business. But the funniest moment has to be the 2nd kid found the jokes so stupid that in the middle of one joke, he just gets up and runs away without any warning or hesitation.
  • In The Western Ore Musical, Flint Eastrock deciding to throw a rock at him and his gun away instead of just shooting Jones during a gun fight. It goes pretty much how you'd except... kind of.
  • Rich Evans' watching the teaser for The Force Awakens spoofing YouTube videos of fans going apeshit over the teaser - especially at the shot of the Millenium Falcon. He descends into a rabid caricature of fanboyism. Things go really downhill when he jerks off an R5-D4 at his crotch after seeing the Falcon, while wearing a Darth Vader helmet.
  • In the "Ten Things You Didn't Know About Darth Vader's Suit" video, Mike and Rich crack up at the ridiculously named "Emperor Palpatine Surgical Reconstruction Center."
    Mike: (Palpatine impression) I want a hospital named after me!