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Funny: Red Letter Media

Mr. Plinkett Reviews:

  • From the Star Trek: Nemesis review: "Now I'll tell you what really bothers me: It's dem green plastic drum cymbals!! Why do they have to have 'space' cymbals?" and so on.
    • *slurred* "Riker even played a fucking trumpet!" (Note: in the clip he shows, Riker is actually playing a trombone)
  • Plinkett's way of cutting through the Lucas Romantic Plot Tumor bullshit. Such as when Padma asks Anakin if Jedi are allowed to love, Plinkett lays this hilarious line:
    Plinkett: So Padme does a little feeler to see if Anakin and her can fuck in the bathroom.
  • "Having a creepy Skeletor hand."
  • "Before we start, let's recap a little on the whole prequel thing and how it ruined six years of everyone's lives. Even starving African children in Cambodia." Let that sink in. Starving African children in Cambodia (which is next to Vietnam).
  • "Star Wars Episode I is the most disappointing thing since my son."
  • "SHE LIED TO ME."
  • "What's wrong with your faaaace?!"
  • "Sometimes a cigar is just a giant vagina in the desert that swallows men whole"
  • "OH MY GOD! What's wrong with your faaaace?!"
  • The progression of relationship advice that Plinkett gives during Anakin and Padme's courtship. Some of it's actually not bad...but it escalates rather quickly to things like "Supporting Fascism," "Killing Women and Children," "Bringing a Corpse Home," and "Going on a Megalomaniacal Rant."
  • Mr Plinkett: [on Star Trek: First Contact] Heck, I would have taken any 2-parter TNG episode over this piece of shit. [shows image of Armus from Skin of Evil]
  • Fifty nine minutes!
    • TIME TO GO IN THE REFRIGERATOOOOOOOORRRRRR
  • George Lucas Ruins the Lightsaber and the Force All In One Scene (from Attack of the Clones)
    • "But when you establish a multi-racial Jedi Order that all use the same universal weapon it becomes impractical! Each Jedi should really have their own unique weapon suited for them personally."
      • "For example, that one guy that looks like a squid. Y'know, with all dem tentacles swingin' about? A lightsaber could really pose serious injury to his head. Be CAREEE-FUULLLL!"
      • "Or that guy in the background with the really tall, thin, neck. I know what I'd swing it if I were fightin' him!"
      • "Or what about this clumsy, fat asshole? What if he just happened to be a Jedi? His big, fat hands and his slow, lumbering ass would fucking get killed by Darth Maul!"
  • From the Star Trek '09 review: LET'S BREAK IT DOOOOWWN: (accompanied by pictures of MC Hammer) "Ohh, ohhh, I got my parachute pants on, oohhh, ohh-ohhh, I got my cat pregnant-"
  • "ThE bESt PArt of waAAkING UP, is ACiD in YoUR CUuu...."
  • "If I wanted a message I would go listen to my answering machine"
    Answering Machine: Hi Mr. Plinkett, Bob Foster here from the Department of Cultural Guilt, uh, just a friendly courtesy call to remind you about the horrible things that you did to the Native Americans. Uh, please continue to feel guilty about this, and, uh, if you have any questions, give me a call back, the number's 202-(Plinkett proceeds to pour coffee on the answering machine, shorting it out)
    • Even better, it later cuts back to him smashing the machine with a hammer.
    • "GET OUUUT!!!! GET OUUUUUUUUUT!!!!"
  • "GET OUTTA MY POPCORN TUUUUUB!!! WRAAAAAAAAARRR!!!!"
  • Essentially every time Plinkett raises (and reverbs) his voice is memorable for...various reasons...
  • [Referring to the TF Blockade from Phantom Menace] "You see, we once set up a Naval Blockade around Cuba, to stop the Russians from setting up missile launchers there. It was a little event you might have heard of. It wasn't a big deal, you know, but you might have heard of it, it was called WORLD WAR I. Geez, you stupid people gotta learn your history right."
  • [showing picture of an overweight cat] "Hey anyone wanna help me milk my cat? 's time to make breakfassht..."
    • "My cat ain't gonna milk itself!"
  • "At last! We get to the big dumb ending, where we see the excitement and the passion... that thousands of computer animators have for getting paychecks!"
  • "And don't say it was the Will of the Force, unless you don't want me to send you a Pizza Roll... aaan' whennnI sennit to you, 'm gonna shovvit up yer ass..." [shows image of Kit Fisto]
  • When the hooker he kidnaps in his Episode II review winds up falling for him after he forces her to sit through the movie and she realizes how bad it is.
  • "Shinzon had a passing interest in Troi 'cos she had a vagina, and he probably never did it with a chick. Uh, maybe he fucked a Reman in the ass... [shows image of a Reman grimacing]
  • "Aw, he's accidentally flying the spaceship, how cute! I hope he fucking dies."
  • (dragging woman by the ankle) GEDDIN MY LIVING ROOM!!"
  • (deleted scene: Still dragging woman) CoME WIth mEEE aND yoU'll BEe in A woRLd of PUrE imagiATiOn!!"
  • Fuck the Pain Away...
  • Plinkett's phone call.
  • Him slowly going insane at the end of the "Baby's Day Out" review.
    "My cat stole my merkins!"
    "You want to help me milk my cock?" (picture of a rooster)
    "Maybe they're trying to make a statement about the Gerber corporation and their anti-Union practices!"
    "Fuck The Pain Away (Groin Attack) Fuck The Pain Away (Groin Attack) x5
  • "What could've been the greatest lesbian sex scene ever in a children's movie":
    "Servant sex is just something I'm into now..."
  • (A comparative picture of Guinan and baby Bink in his photo outfit) WHAT?!!!
  • Star Wars Attack of the Clones is the worst thing ever made by a human. Except for the bagpipes...
  • (on Anakin and Padme's 'love story')
    "Now you say 'Maybe they ARE in love, and maybe I just don't see it 'cause I'm a psychopath who butchers women.' Well-yeah-meh-sneh..."
  • A more subtle example is in the Phantom Menace review; he talks about how the hero arc works, and how the hero often gets the girl at the end as icing on the cake, and he plays several such scenes from various movies together as an example...including Willy Wonka hugging Charlie Bucket.
  • OH NO the timeline changed and Bambi's alive again except now shes my first cat!
  • After listing practically everything that happens in the new Star Trek movie. "I think I need to go see a therapist after this..." *clip of Deanna Troi* "NO NOT HER--!"
  • Spock saying "Go to hell."
  • "Zoe Saldana's there for one obvious reason... (Shows footage of Uhura undressing) She's entirely believable as a Xenolinguistics expert."
  • This is what they call filler, and its nowhere near as good as the filler they put in Twinkies... Mmmmmm... I like to fuck my cat. (cut to Plinkitt fucking his cat)
    • Unintentional hilarity results from his cat's reaction during the subsequent "rape" scene.
  • (clip of Anakin kneeling before Palpatine) "And so Anakin kneels before the monster mash, and pledges his loyalty to the graveyard smash."
    • Plinkett referring to Palpatine as "Monster Mash" for the entirety of his Episode IV commentary is also sure to make you snicker.
  • "So Palpatine shows up at the senate to convince everyone that the Jedi- the organization of monks who have been the guardians of peace and justice for 1000 years- are suddenly planning on taking over the world. (impersonating Palpatine) 'Oh, and I just also happen to look and sound like a monster that wants to take over the world now. Don't mind my creepy black cloak, my horribly evil sounding voice or my terrifying face. Also don't mind the fact that I'm yelling about creating a galactic empire run exclusively by me. No no no, you see its the Jedi that are trying to take over. That warranted them all being executed by the army that is controlled by myself without any kind of evidence to prove what I'm saying is true. Yup, we just killed them all, even the children. Then we burned down their temple, and your all just gonna have to take my word for it. Trust me, look at my face. Would this face lie to you?'"
    • "He [Vader] is not even gonna look into the whole Padme thing and what happened to her. He's just gonna trust Monster Mash, who just got away with lying to the whole universe."
  • Plinkett melting a Star Wars Episode I VHS tape in the oven and urinating on it.
  • George Lucas didn't ruin my childhood. Fucking polio did.
  • "After all, these are just simple movies made for kids and not adults at all, which is why they have: Assassination attempts. Sexual innuendo. Decapitations. Kidnap, torture, and suggested rape. Hookers. Boring political dialogue. Forced amputations. Drug-dealing. Mass murder." (cut to sounds of screaming) "Don't try to escape like the other one!"
  • The trailers. Just...the trailers:
  • "GET YER FINGER OUT OF MY ASS WALLET!"
  • "The Urban Market stole my TV once, so I know they like movies."
  • "They don't call him "Kit Fisto" because he's into chicks, if you know what I mean."
  • His attempt to save time on "Cop Dog." Bonus points for realizing it was a bad idea, not because he was completely incomprehensible, but because he forgot to mention a few films. He then tries again only to continue as normal.
    • "Who was his trainer, Mike Vick? Did you get the joke?"
    • Fuck Off, Ghost!
    • "So instead of getting her metrosexual son a haircut and slapping him across the face..."
    • This is worse than Star Trek: Nemesis.
  • His ill-fated Kodak promo.
    "What?! After fucking ten years, that's all I saved?! YOU PIECE OF FUCKING CRAP!"
  • The random guy in the background who picks apart Picard's plan to puncture the plasma coolant tanks.
    Random Guy: Oh, puncture it. Okaaay... but it seems like it's highly pressurised...
    (Data gets sprayed with flesh-melting gas)
    Random Guy: Oh my God...!
  • Cleaning up cat shit to the tune of La Danse Macabre.
  • Re-releasing the Phantom Menace review in 3D with added special effects.
  • The entire commentary for Episode 1. Plinkett rambles about the movie, his cats, his life, laundry, Bambi, and so much more, getting interrupted by his cats, Gold Shirt Guy, and Not-Darth-Sidious. It's amazing.
    • After ranting about how if he were in the movie he'd consider Padme "expendable," thinking that she was just a handmaiden who "does the Queen's laundry," Plinkett goes off on this tangent:
    "When I was 58 I learned how to do my own laundry. They say the clothes make the man. You know what else they say? 'Indonesians make the clothes.' Both statements are kinda true statements. But I really like doin' laundry "
    • Plinkett urging people to "occupy George Lucas's front lawn" because he's one of the 1%
    • Plinkett giving the people he presumes are listening to his commentary while sitting in a theater watching Episode 1 in 3D instructions to do things like raise their hand or talk to the person next to them.
    • "Get off that, Mr. Tiny, that ain't a lover!"
  • How bad could [Episode III] really be? (picture of Darth Vader's infamous scene) Oh...
  • [On reviews praising Revenge of the Sith for being Darker and Edgier] MY STOOL IS DARK! And doctor says that's bad! ...I dunno why he thinks he knows so much about interior decorating though (Rim Shot)
  • An update starts with Jay and Mike talking about merchandise... and then this happens:
    Plinkett: Enough of this sell-out crap! When's the next Plinkett review-oh wait I'm me.
  • From the Titanic review:
    "Taft, you fuck! You bought your clothes at the Portly Gentleman Used Clothing Store! You cheapskate! I know it because I sold it to you!!"
  • From one of his very first reviews (the Star Trek: Insurrection one), the very first line (delivered in his typical, completely deadpan style):
    Plinkett: Star Trek Insurrection sucks my balls.
    • The inexplicable shot of Worf farting about twenty seconds in.
    • His comment on the boring costume design: "Ain't no one winning an Oscar for the JCPenney spring fashion look!"
    Plinkett: (in an exaggeratedly effeminate voice) Earth tones, people! Everyone wears earth tones! Browns and beige! And mother of pearl! And browns and beiges and dark browns and light browns and browns and beige! Browns and beiges and dark browns and light browns and browns and beige! Everyone's gonna be wearing earth tones 'cause they live on a planet.
  • "Darth Vader should never say the word Padme, or Snuffleupagus."
  • "The entire Senate is filled with stupid idiots". *cuts to picture of the United States Senate* "Yeah, okay that's true".
  • "Obi-Wan Kenobi is a stupid asshole idiot head."

Half in the Bag:

  • Most videos start out with an introduction, or a set up for a joke. In the Transformers: Rise Of The Planet Of The Revenge Of The Moon review, it starts out with them sitting in awkward, uncomfortable, discontent silence, followed by a clip from the film, as if to say "yeah. We know."
  • At the end of their Red Tails review, they finally remember that they're supposed to be fixing Plinkett's VCR:
    Jay: Well, now that we've successfully ended racism, we should probably get back to work on the VCR.
    Mike: Oh yeah! That's a wonderful idea!
    Jay: You know more about this model than I do, I'll let you get to work on that.
    Mike: Well, the first thing we have to do is this.
    [tosses the VCR aside with a loud crash]
    Mike: ...You racist.
    Jay: ...*laughs*
    • Most of the Red Tails review is pretty funny, really...
    Mike: Seen any good movies lately?
    Jay: No!
  • The Jack and Jill review ends with Plinkett's craaazzzy twin sister coming to stay. And lots of Product Placement. Mike's expression when tentatively nibbling the Dunkin' Donuts is particularly priceless.
    • Funny Background Event: Plinkett cursing out his sister is Actually Pretty Funny if you pay attention to their arguing.
    • Mike and Jay's dialogue right before they talk about Jack and Jill's ridiculously inflated budget:
    Jay: Oh, no, no, that's the wrong note.
    Mike: Oh, it's the other note from the lawyer?
    Jay: (hands note) This is the one we're supposed to read. I'll cut that part out.
    Mike: Okay. (reads) "Adam Sandler is a horrible con man..."
    Jay: Oh, no, that's the wrong one too.
    Mike: How many wrong notes are there?
    Jay: I don't know how these all got mixed up in here, but... Let me see... Try this one. I think this is it. (hands note)
    Mike: (reads) "We, Jay and Mike of Half in the Bag, are not accusing Adam Sandler of any of his cohorts..." Wait. (erases word) "...or his associates of any criminal wrongdoing. These are merely the opinions of Mike and Jay." Okay! Um... Oh, he stole all the money and embezzled it to all of his friends.
  • The Transformers review ending. There is no Vomit Discretion Shot.
  • On Melancholia: "I would like to put my Duntz in Kirsten's kuntz." *Record Needle Scratch*.
  • In the Skyfall review:
    Jay: The funny thing is, for a number of years - after seeing Zardoz - I thought that was a James Bond movie. So going into this one, it was horribly disorienting to not see Daniel Craig in a diaper.
    Mike: Yeah, "Where's the giant, floating stone head vomiting up guns?"
    Jay: I thought that was Q!
  • Mike, Jay and Rich's reaction to the big fight scene from Resident Evil: Afterlife - three straight minutes of non-stop hysterical laughter.
    Jay: [sheer disbelief] WHAT?!!
    Rich: I'm gonna die laughing...
  • The review of The Last Stand:
    Mike: So, Jay, would you recommend X-Men: The Last Stand?
    Jay: No!
    Mike: Would you recommend The Last Stand?
    Jay: I... I would.
  • The comments on the destruction Superman causes in Man of Steel
    Rich: The headlines the day after aren't going to be "Man of Steel Saves the City", the headlines are going to be "Creepy Alien Harbors the Doom of Us All"!
  • Their review of Grown Ups 2. It starts with the two of them praising the movie, then two minutes in the blood starts coming.
    Fork in the brain. Fork in the brain. Fork in the brain.
  • During the Pain and Gain review Jay sums up Michael Bay's style as 'a high school jock trying to write a love poem' and gives an example.
  • Mike making fun of nerdy comic book fans complaining that the ending of Superman II was boring compared to Man of Steel, before going into a stream of consciousness rant about Mandarin's reveal in Iron Man 3.

Other:

  • When running the stream for December 9, 2012, the stream was shut down because of DMCA action after showing the chipmunks singing Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. If you hear anyone saying something about "Fuck DMCA and fuck the Chipmunks", now you know why.
  • EVERYTHING involving the Showbiz Pizza Bear from the "Night Beast/Trick or Treat/Skull Forest" episode of Best of the Worst. Especially when the damn bear shows up in Trick or Treat completely separate from it being Rich's birthday.
  • Jack almost destroying the wheel by knocking it over in Wheel of the Worst #5.
    • The slow burn realization of exactly what the "SOS" video is: it's a Japanese version of a tape put out by the Christian cult called the Family International, featuring music videos with anti-evolution, anti-abortion, rapture and "barcodes are the mark of Satan" themes. The entire segment is astonishing.
Rebel TaxiFunny/Web OriginalRed vs. Blue

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