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My complete non-reaction merits a smiting from the gods.
In the form of a truck driving me off that same cliff.
TNP is trying to assault a US military base with help from rogue Spetsnaz.
Alas, one of the Spetsnaz soldiers pulled a Magnificent Bastard and left me for dead in the firing range. I am shot to pieces faster than you can say “commie scum”.
TNP is Monokuma.
I'm actually just a robot developed by Team Danganronpa, the producers of the Danganronpa series, and I was never actually alive to begin with.
TNP has made a startling discovery: The Heavy is Dead!
Edited by Kappaclystica on Apr 23rd 2020 at 7:12:28 AM
im in the role of Spy.
TNP's existence license has just expired.
I am a gift card, and the person possessing me cuts me up.
The next poster is eating a deep fried garden salad.
A vegan punches me in the liver for eating deep-fried greens, and I die from organ rupture.
TNP is using an abacus.
I'm so busy using the abacus that I don't see myself wandering right into oncoming traffic. The truck in front just barely manages to stop in time, but the cars behind it don't and multiple collide into it, inching it forward enough for a very sharp edge carelessly left on the truck's front to puncture my femoral artery. I bleed out within minutes.
TNP is in a padded cell complete with a strait jacket.
That means I can't escape when the hurricane disassembles the building. I'm beaned on the noggin with a stray bowling pin.
The next poster wolf whistled at a werewolf.
Said werewolf is also female. And she takes offense at my blatant sexual attraction to her.
I am found as a pile of flesh and bones in the forest a few weeks later.
TNP is trying to lead a global resistance against alien invaders who conquered the Earth twenty years ago.
The aliens capture us and commence Anal Probing.
One of the captive Terrans flatulates during the aforementioned probing. The concentrated methane and sulfur kills me and my cohort instantly.
The next poster is the human janitor who has to clean up the mess.
While cleaning the mess, I uncover a small data-pad that when interfaced with activates a hidden protocol that triggers worldwide nuclear detonations if the aliens won the previous conflict and well...
TNP is in an underground nuke shelter while this is going on.
I packed canned food, but No Can Opener. I starve to death.
The next poster is putting on a hazmat suit.
I forgot to zip it properly, so I get irradiated to the point where I melt into a puddle of toxic slag.
TNP is investigating said toxic slag.
Its effects include lowering one's intelligence to the point where they eat the slag, kuru and instant death.
TNP has been exposed to gamma rays.
I turn into the Incredible Hulk! Yes! I test my super jump and leap clear of the atmosphere. Unfortunately, Hulk can't breathe in space. TNP is riding a unicycle down the freeway.
I'm part of the unicycle division of the Secret Service. The motorcade I'm leading gets ambushed, and in a split second decision I save the President but pay the ultimate price. I am considered a national hero, my funeral is watched by millions, and I am awarded the Medal of Freedom posthumously. Although me wearing my clown garb on that day is somewhat criticized.
TNP has the power of God and Anime on their side.
Edited by Kappaclystica on Apr 26th 2020 at 1:17:13 PM
I am up against an Otaku horde. Unfortunately, I make a blasphemous boast, Invoking God's wrath. I follow that up by dissing an extremely popular Anime. I am mauled by the Otaku horde.
The next poster is trying to outrun a Dracula themed Chevy Impala, which has the name "Vlad" on the hood. note Geddit? Vlad the Impala.
The car runs me over.
TNP is writing a "rap".
I accidentally end up summoning Cthulu with the power of rap. Uh, oops?
TNP is wearing a bulletproof vest.
But I wasn't wearing a helmet... Boom, Headshot!!
The next poster ingested some "tiger blood" they got from Charlie Sheen.
It was tiger blood that was irradiated from the nuke a few posts back. I die.
I am Impaled with Extreme Prejudice by Denise Richards, because evidently, "Winning" did not stop Charlie from being a deadbeat.
The next poster is an obnoxious political commentary character in a summer blockbuster.
Edited by SkyCat32 on Apr 28th 2020 at 12:45:26 PM
My strawman antics get me shot by Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger in a tag team to the cheers of the other characters and the groans of the audience. TNP is cleaning up the lion's den at the zoo.
I reappear as a ghost with Unfinished Business in the zoo manager's office, demanding "All right, who's the doofus who let the lions back in before I was through?"
The next poster is the zoo manager.
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