(Best read in the voice of Jon St. John)
Hail to the king, baby!
My name is Duke Nukem, savior of babes all over the world and ass kicker of aliens trying to take over Earth. I started my days of coolness all the way back in 1991, saving the world from that bastard Dr. Proton. I would make a even bigger name for myself once those aliens bastards took over Los Angeles, mutated the LAPD into pig cops, and shot up my ride, and I've been kicking even more ass ever since!
Things went a little quiet after saving LA, besides that one adventure I did in New York City. Thankfully, I got back into action in 2011, once again taking on those alien bastards in Las Vegas. It was a cool and fun experience, but apparently according to some of my fans, I didn't do so hot that time. I pleased some of my amazing fans when Dr. Proton came back, but only so much.
Oh, and I had that one weird hangover where I was kicking evil military ass and everyone was calling me Grayson. Not sure how that happened.
It's time to list tropes and chew bubblegum, and I'm all out of gum...
- Action Hero: I embody most action heroes from 80s and 90s films, and damn, I do a great job actually being a action hero when I'm kicking ass.
- Art Evolution: Before 3D, I had a different look, which was quite embarrassing with the pink shirt and not having my awesome shades
◊. - Berserk Button: Do not EVER harm any chicks around me! I made sure those alien goons suffered for hurting my babes!
- Bond One-Liner: I occasionally drop a few when I'm done killing a enemy. Some taken from movies, some I made myself.
- Charles Atlas Superpower: I can bench press 600 pounds at my gym! Anything less is not heavy enough, and even the strongest men that aren't me can do that.
- Chivalrous Pervert: I do like my babes, but I make sure they're safe and away from harm whenever the aliens are around.
- Cigar Chomper: I do like myself a good cigar. Too bad Europe took it away from me on the European cover art for Duke Nukem Forever. Now I look pissed over nothing.
- Cool Shades: Never seen without them ever since 3D.
- Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: Whenever one of those alien bastards happen to cross me, my promises of retribution tend to be quite creative, and you'd better believe that I will follow through on it. If I tell you that I'm going to rip off your head and shit down your neck, I am going to do it and nothing can stop me.
- Everyone Has Standards: I'll admit, I'm not the most politically correct person and some call my behavior towards women problematic, but that's where I limit my politically incorrect behavior. I once warned people about some people on UseNet who tend to be racist, gay bashers and neo-nazis.
- Hell, I ain’t sexist. Just that my excessive forwardness towards women makes it easy to mistake me as a sexist. Guess even the King has flaws.
- Experienced Protagonist: Even before 3D and before my very first adventure, I was already the secret weapon for the CIA.
- Hyperspace Arsenal: I could carry a ton of weapons in 3D... and then they only let me carry two guns in Forever. Thankfully for the PC version, they added a option where I could carry four guns.
- Living Legend: Thanks to my heroics during the alien invasion of LA, I've become a worldwide icon and loved by all. All the babes want me and someone even named their daughter Dukette!
- Narcissist: Of course I'm a narcissist. I wrote a book about why I'm so great, I often brag about how awesome I am during my adventures, and I don't have a life bar. I have a ego bar!
- Not Hyperbole: I once threatened to rip a giant alien's head off and shit down his neck. And I made sure to follow through with that once he was dead.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: I can be quite rude and as much as I hate to admit it I can be a little too forward with women, but I will make sure humanity doesn't get its ass kicked by aliens or Dr. Proton, and I will make sure that the babes are safe at all costs.
- One-Man Army: I don't need the EDF to assist me when aliens take over, even though they're helpful. I can kick ass on my own.
- Out-of-Character Moment: As awesome as I am, I'll admit, the joke I made at the Holsom Twins' expense before they died was tasteless and not like me at all. I can be a dick, but I would normally never treat women like that. In fact, when someone later made a tasteless joke towards them afterwards, I didn't take it very well.
- Powered Armor: No thanks. Power armor is for pussies!
- Self-Deprecation: Despite my amazing ego, I like to make fun of myself given how long Forever took to get made and released. After 12 fucking years, it should be good!
- Sore Loser: I get pretty damn pissed whenever I fuck up at pool. That damn white ball...
- Took a Level in Jerkass: Some of my fans weren't happy with my ego getting bigger in Forever. I disagree, but I can sorta understand given what I said to the Holsom Twins.
