Quotes / Television Is Trying to Kill Us

Film — Live-Action

"You're beginning to think that the tube is reality, and that your own lives are unreal. You do whatever the tube tells you! You dress like the tube, you eat like the tube, you raise your children like the tube, you even *think* like the tube! This is mass madness, you maniacs!"

— Howard Beale, Network

Literature

"As stated before, in Western—especially American—culture, there is the myth of the individual superbeing. One man or woman, well-armed and highly skilled, with nerves of steel, can conquer the world. In truth, anyone believing this should simply strip naked, holler for the undead, and lie on a silver platter. Not only will going it alone get you killed—it may also create one more zombie. Working together, always together, has shown to be the only successful strategy for annihilating an undead army."

— The Zombie Survival Guide

Live-Action TV

"Torture works on 24 and in movies because it has to. It's a dramatic device to move the plot along. But ask terror experts and they'll tell you it's one of those movie tropes that's got no basis in real life, like a wedding being interrupted, or someone this handsome feeling sad, or this character being part Asian."

— John Oliver, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, on torture

Music

"Television rules the nation."

— Daft Punk

Video Games

"Attention, Test Prisoners attempting to escape through the air ducts. I don't know what nonsense you learned on TV, but in real life air ducts just go to the air-conditioning unit. It's also pretty dusty, so if you've got asthma, chances are you're gonna die up there. And we'll be smelling it for weeks, because again, the air ducts aren't a secret escape hatch, they're how we ventilate the facility."

— Space Prison Warden Cave Johnson, Portal 2: Endless Testing Initiative

"It is not impressive to forgo ear protection when shooting."
"In real life, it is not advisable to jump face-first through plate glass windows."

— Two pause menu tips in Receiver 2

Webcomics

Peggy: Before you start [firearms training], there's something important you need to do.
Sydney: What's that?
Peggy: Close your eyes and think of every TV show and movie you've ever seen with guns in it.
Sydney: Uh... okay...
Peggy: Really visualize all your favorite fight scenes, all that action hero stuff. Got it?
Sydney: Yeah, have you ever seen Equilibrium? That Gun Kata...
Peggy: *smacks her hand on Sydney's forehead* OUT FOUL DEMONS!!
Sydney: Ow! Hey! What the hell?!
Peggy: Nearly all popular media is absolutely terrible when it comes to the portrayal of guns and what constitutes acceptable cover. You especially are going to need to retrain how you think about them.
Sydney: You're saying I must unlearn what I have learned?
Peggy: Saying precisely this, I am.

— Grrl Power, #330

"You still got people who think bullets spark, that gasoline is as explosive as nitro, and that you can jump through pane glass without a scratch—all because "they saw it in a movie." People make bad decisions all the time—bad decisions based on what they saw up on a movie screen, because they think we were careful enough to get it right."

— Nip Todd, Nip and Tuck

Western Animation

"This little boy broke his leg trying to fly like Superman. This boy's brother hit him in the head with a wrench, mimicking a recent TV wrestling match. I won't even subject you to the horrors of our Three Stooges ward."

— Dr. Hibbert, The Simpsons, "Bart the Daredevil"

---